WTFH

Evening, Fandom! Are there any more of you back yet tonight? It feels a little like shouting into a wind. On the prairie.

. . . none of you are prairie squirrels, huh? Figures.

Well, all is still quiet over in the school building, except for Principal Washburn, who was having fun with filing in preparation for the new semester, and when I say 'fun,' I mean take it with a grain of salt the size of something sticking out of the Rocky Bits.

Unless you actually do have fun with that, Principal Washburn, in which case I'm not judging.

And the only thing going in the dorms today was . . . um . . . Bruce in the common room observing an eggnog-drunk, passed-out gremlin. Boy, you kids resort to some strange hobbies when you have no classes! Maladicta and the owl with her wanted to know what Bruce did to the gremlin -- which is nothing besides observe it -- and thought it would be funny to hide the gremlin in the cupboards for someone to find, but Bruce wouldn't have anything to do with that. At first. Quinn caught up with Maladicta about how break was going, and told her she came back early because home was boring, and talked to Bruce about the strange things gremlins may or may not get up to, and whether Santa might be a gremlin.

. . . oh, I think I just felt a little of my childhood shrieking in horror.

Bruce's anthropological study in drunk gremlins confused Cara, who debated drunken gremlin behavior and the definitions of a tragic past with him.

Drunk gremlins spur some interesting conversations. How about that? Something educational over break after all.

Ender was at Fixer-Uppers talking to Karla on the phone about the break and what's going on at home. Quinn was back -- as mentioned earlier -- at work at the Arms, taking advantage of Christmas tree candy canes, and Claudia was at Book Haven reading some less than favorable material about capitalism and . . . what's wrong with Boxing Day? Other than how Americans don't celebrate it. I don't get that. I was at Luke's making sure my plants were thriving, which I'm pleased to report they were, and Jaina was at the Perk catching up on news from home.

Just in case you thought we were completely devoid of non-drunken-gremlin Fandom weirdness this week, nope, Sherlock is no longer a cat, and -- heh -- turned human again in front of John. This was, by all squirrelly reports, an amazingly calm and levelheaded incident.

Aww.

Aaaaaaaaand Jake's back after Christmas at home, and back on duty at Caritas.

Other than that? You all have been quiet. That's all from me tonight, so -- this is Lacey Burrows for WTFH, signing off. Good night, Fandom!

Hi, everyone! Lacey Burrows here, and I made it all the way to the station on my own and didn't get lost this week. How about that, huh?

*chittering*

Oh, stop it. That does not sound that pathetic.

. . . does it?

(  Don't ask, Lacey. Just don't. )

Hi, Fandom! Happy Monday! Well, I hope it's a happy Monday for you, unless you're a Roughriders fan. If you're an Als fan . . . don't talk to me.

*chittering*

Yeah, so what if I don't know that much about football? I can still cheer!

*chittering*

. . . yes, I at least know which team to cheer for, thank you very much. Even if I don't necessarily know what they're doing.

( Luckily, the rest of this broadcast is not CFL-related. )

. . . and you guys couldn't have kidnapped someone else for the night? I mean, really, just for once there could've --

*chittering*

Did I mention I've only got a couple of hours left before I lose my shot at getting a three-star rating on this Cafe World catering job?

*squirrel laughter that is nothing if not distinctly mocking*

Oh, fine. ( But just for that I'm getting this over with quick. )

Hi, Fandom, and happy day after Halloween! Boy, it looks like it was an eventful one for some of you, wasn't it?

*squirrel snickering*

. . . I don't want to talk about it, no. So let's see those notes, shall we? Yes. ( And indeed we shall. )

Evening, Fandom! How are you, ladies, gentlemen, Fandomites of all persuasions whatever you may or may not usually be?

*annoyed chittering*

I am trying to be inclusive here, if you don't mind.

( Do they? The world may never know. )

Evening, Fandom! How's it feel to be visitor-free again? I'd ask for a show of hands but, funny thing, I can't see you! Wacky, isn't it? *forced giggle*

*tiny squirrel raspberry noises*

Boy, you are a tough crowd. Or should I say a tough nut to crack?

*tiny squirrel jeering*

( What do you mean, don't quit my day job? )

Evening, Fandom, and happy fish-free Monday! This is Lacey Burrows, and it's that time again!

( No, not that time. Not that one either. THAT one. Yeah, that's it. )

[[This was never in the wrong comm. You are delusional. >.>]]

Good evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows here on WTFH, and welcome to the first night of the new semester. First day of new classes, first day of classes for new students . . . it all makes me want to go out and buy school supplies even though I haven't needed to do that in . . .

Well, never mind that. ( Because it's longer than she'll admit to. )

Hi, everybody! Lacey Burrows here on another Thursday night and how about that, huh, everybody? Almost the end of another week! Almost the end of the last week of the term. Are you excited?

( Lacey's not that excited, she's just trying too hard to sound like it. )

Katchoo: -- IN THE FRIKKIN' BOOTH ALREADY, YOU STUPID --

Lacey: Okay, okay, ow! We're in . . . oh, gosh, did you hear that?

Katchoo: Heard it. Heard a lot of it. They're just shadows. Don't let it get to you. The mutant roaches, on the other hand . . .

Lacey: Ugh. Oh, we're on. Uh, hi, Fandom? Lacey Burrows here, with my former cohost --

Katchoo: -- and temporary bodyguard, apparently. Hopefully if you're hearing this, you're somewhere safe. 'cause lemme tell ya, right now it ain't out there, and oh, God . . .

( One broadcast, behind the cut at the price of one click. Offer void where prohibited. )

Hi, everyone! *THUNK*

. . . wow. ( Busy Thursday. )

Hi everybody, happy Thursday, and happy July! July already. Wow. I'd ask where the time went, but in Fandom, do you really want to know the answer? Oh, gosh, I crack me up, right, guys?

*dispassionate acorn-crunching noises*

. . . right.

( Oh, that Lacey Burrows. So hilarious. In her own mind. )

Evening, everyone! Lacey Burrows here with you on yet another Thursday evening in Fandom. Did you miss me? Not you, squirrels. I know you're only going to give me a sarcastic answer.

( Because that's the sort of constant that keeps the world turning on its axis. )

Evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows with you here on WTFH, now on what looks like my regular night for the summer. It's been a while since I did Thursdays . . . wow, memories. Of course, back then I had a cohost, but -- oh, gosh. Anyway. You know, this intro banter thing is a lot shorter without her griping at me to shut up and get to it?

( Let's LJ-cut to the chase anyway. )

Evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows here, and, uh . . . I seem to be dong this alone tonight. I tried to call Katchoo to see where she was and she told me to -- oh, fill in the blanks.

( Not dirty, because it's just Lacey. )

Lacey: Evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows here.

Katchoo: Because one of us has to be perky and it sure as hell ain't gonna be me.

Lacey: Well, that would be unreasonable, wouldn't it? Aw, did you miss us, Tuesday night?

Katchoo: Yeah, I'm sure it was just weeping bitter tears over missing us last week.

Lacey: Always have to be sarcastic, don't you?

Katchoo: I like to be consistent.

( Consistently cranky, anyway. )

Mitchell: Ow! Was it really necessary to drag me all the way through a portal?

*chittering*

Mitchell: You're damn lucky I'm a night person!

Deadpool: Haaa. I get it. That was cute.

Mitchell: There's nothing cute about this. They threatened to bite me in the shin!

Deadpool: Are you afraid of squirrels? Weeeak.

Mitchell: Have you ever been assaulted by a plague of squirrels heading for your nether regions?!

Illyria: Yes. I beat them off with my sword.

{Pause}

Illyria: Then they stole my sword. RETURN IT TO ME AT ONCE, VERMIN, OR WAKE TOMORROW AS A PARTICULARLY WARM COAT.

( And it all goes downhill from here. )

Lacey: Evening, Fandom! I can actually see you tonight!

Katchoo: . . . while I know what you're trying to say, that was pretty sad.

Lacey: Aw, but you knew what I meant. That's the important part, right? Since we're all thinking clearly tonight and not seeing strange creatures?

Katchoo: Yeah. Yeah, let's go with that. Sure. Why the hell not?

( Why the hell not indeed? )

Lacey: Evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows here, along with my cohost who just barely showed up. Way to be on time, Crankypants.

Katchoo: Bite me, Lacey, I had a friend's birthday party to go to.

Lacey: You have friends?

Katchoo: ( OH, GO #*@)(#!()*!@#@ YOURSELF. )

Lacey: Evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows here, the Canadian half of your Tuesday night broadcast team, hoping I'll make it through the show without my American counterpart killing me --

Katchoo: Because I care so frikkin' much about hockey? You're only worrying about that now, you dingbat?

Lacey: . . . well, yeah.

Katchoo: Some people. No sense of self-preservation.

Lacey: Oh, you're one to talk.

( Takes one to know one, after all. )

Lacey: Hi, Fandom! Happy Tuesday, happy week before spring break, and I hope everyone had a happy Valentine's Day.

Katchoo: I sure as hell did. Did you?

Lacey: . . . everyone but you, I meant. *sigh*

Katchoo: I live to disappoint you, Lacey, what can I say?

Lacey: Nothing at all?

( Hahaha. As if. )

Lacey: Evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows here, and welcome to WTF . . . why do you smell like an ashtray in a Godiva store?

Katchoo: Shut up.

Lacey: Oh, gosh, are you itchy? You know, maybe an oatmeal bath will help with that.

Katchoo: Great, then I'll smell like --

Lacey: -- a cookie in an ashtray. Ugh. Never mind. Anyway! Hi, everybody! ( Here's what's been going on today on the island. )

Lacey: Evening, Fandom! Happy Tuesday, and thanks so much for voting to put us back on the air! This is Lacey Burrows.

Katchoo: And - oh yeah. Katina Choovanski.

Lacey: Boy, you're awfully cheerful for someone who just stopped being a bunny.

Katchoo: And I will cheerfully hurt you if I have to.

( But not tonight. Sorry. )

Evening, Fandom! Lacey Burrows here. Wow, who let me on the air without a copilot, huh? Well, it's not my fault someone's off enjoying herself on a tropical island somewhere. But at least you've still got me! That's great, right?

*awkward acorn-nibbling and rum-sloshing sounds*

Don't get all excited at once, now.

( No, really, they're just taking a moment to figure out how best to express their excitement, Lacey. Really. )

And that, Fandom, is all the news we have for you tonight. Wow, that was kind of lonely. Hopefully things will be busier next week. Anyway, Lacey Burrows signing off, and hoping you all have a great night. Hope to see you in New York City tomorrow!