WTFH

Wow, this whole limbo week is really hitting, isn't it? Or maybe people just don't like Saturdays. Is that it? Do you kids just really like being social on Saturdays and ignoring your computers?

Well fine. I can handle it. We have one note. Just the one. Jono listened to music and planned his syllabus---oooooh *AIRHORN*. I knew I forgot to do something.

Gotta fun and buy some *AIRHORN* stickers of gold stars and pretend I'm a professional. Bye!

Holy *AIRHORN* I have things to read! Type! Look, this is difficult to do in a text based medium. Just go with it.

*confused chittering*

Man I wish I took squirrel when I was a young Canadian boy in the Moose Scouts. Real thing. Trust me on it. Any who! We have some *AIRHORN* to talk about. Someone did something in the dorms! Dante was all broody and morose about shit at the shooting range. That we provide for teens. Kaaaaaay.

Over in town, Jono chilled over at his hippie music store. Aaaaand there was some kind of Expo in the park where people were apparently selling things. Beats by Dre sold--wait, Jaylah? That's moderately disappointing. Anyway, they sold mix tapes. And I'm so mad that I didn't buy any. Someone named Hondo showed up and was creepy before being offered something angry and shouty. I'm down with that. Karolina was excited to meet another alien and also got offered shouty music. Because aliens, man. They love shouting.

Gourmet Bites offered food created by low-rent, Danish Anthony Hopkins. Cassidy was lured into this trap to talk about how abductions via island are old hat. Kira was happy to have a normal--heh--weekend and to look at the food. Peter was there to sell stuff from Covent Garden Flowers and apparently get hit on by some guy named Horst. Okay then. Hondo had a totally above board stall that was fencing stolen goods. I assume. I mean. C'mon. Kanan stopped by for space coffee or jet fuel. Which might be the same thing. I haven't checked Wookiepedia yet. Obi-Wan also stopped by, but mostly to be surprised Hondo was alive. Maybe he's just missing a hand. We don't know. The notes are vague. Ahsoka was the same as Obi-Wan only way more judgey and I like this kid already. Good head on her shoulders.

There was a picnic area to hang out in there. Karolina and Jim talked about weird portals as part of their catching up. Tamsin was around to get the news from the 30's. From someone named Stew. Yeah, that seems normal. Aaaaaand finally, we had Kanan and Obi-Wan shared Hondo stories. This Hondo guy seems like we all should have met him

But that's all! I have a brunch to pretend I'm gonna make. See you suckers later.

Wow, not much going on here yesterday. I hope you all enjoyed your nice weekend relaxation then. Because this mother*AIRHORN* caught himself a Magikarp. Oh, I love fads. They're so fresh and new.

Okay, okay. Notes. Let's see... we have a grumpy Gus Jalian at Stark's shop. Bucky and his spoilers at Wonka's avoiding singing candy. Yeah, that seems about the normal level of *AIRHORN* up here. Over at the Rocky Bits, Cap was fully dressed as he did some rappelling. That's. Oddly specific. And completely ruins my fantasies. Stark's lame ass was also there to talk about buildings and stuff. Yawn.

Okay, me and Vanessa are gonna make a play for a city. I need a Muk to name Trump.

VanessaLake: Oh my God! Ow! Stop pulling my hair! I’m sorry I tried to take your rum! I just really need a lot of drinks right now!

WadeHal: Hey, you're here too. Awesome. So, we're currently in a room filled with booze and squirrels. I'm telling you all this so you people listening can get us the *BEEP* out of here. ...did you just bleep me? What the *BEEP*?

Lake: What the *BEEP*? I can’t say *BEEP*? What about *EXTREMELY PROTRACTED BEEP*?

Hal: ...I think I love you for that last one. Why the *BEEP* are the rodents shoving paper at us?

Lake: Why the *BEEP* is any of this happening in the first *BEEP*ing place? Maybe they want us to build them nests...wait no the paper is gossip notes. Okay? What am I supposed to do with this?

*chittering*

Lake: I don’t speak *BEEP*ing rodent.

Hal: Hey look, this one's about us! So, according to these guys myself and Lake here woke up together and there was screaming. That's... pretty accurate, actually. Kudos to the drunk rats. Some guy named Tony woke up to a phone call from some chick named Tamsin and then they met up by the docks. That sounds like the beginning of a mob movie. I'll allow it. This Steve guy also showed up in the apartment and they had to figure out if this was a one night stand or what. Sounds almost as awkward as waking up to someone screaming a lot.

Lake: Okay, you’d scream too if you woke up next to you.

Hal: It's a skin condition. I think. Whatever. Kitty tried to sneak out of bed with a john I'll assume. Because Kitty is toootally a stripper name. Jono--sounds fake, but okay--Jono woke up on fire and had to try using sign language to talk to Hannibal. Also sounds fake. Did we end up in some weird soap opera? Because I'm getting distinct soap opera vibes here.

Lake: Your name is Hal.

Hal: ...and yours is Lake. Lake Lively. God, I hope your middle name is also with an L.

Lake: It wasn’t on my driver’s license so I guess we’ll never know.

Hal: Maybe Lynn… Anyway, more of these notes say that Isabela woke up and promptly decided to stay the *BEEP* in bed. A good choice if you ask me. Frank responded to all the confusion going on by getting drunk. I think I like that kid. He's got his head on straight. Dante--c'mon, what the *BEEP*?---Dave, I'm calling him Dave. Dave woke up to enjoy the *BEEP*ed up view of the stars. Anders, which I'll assume is a last name, was there and not happy to be woken up. Probably without screaming. Anafiel also showed up and I'm calling *BEEP*ing shenanigans on all this bull*BEEP*. *BEEP*. I mean seriously now. *BEEP*. So this 'Anafiel' and some random nameless chick also woke up together. Startin' to think this place is just sick and wants people to suffer. Like a Fantastic Four movie. Wait, what the *BEEP* was that?

Lake: I'm supposed to read these notes about what happened in town, I guess? Okay. At the Perk, someone the notes say is Jaina found out that coffee does not reverse amnesia, and Fred still knew he liked coffee, if not his "weird costume"--hey, I've got some of those at my apartment. Fred, maybe you live there too? But he decided 'Jaina' was 'Angie,' so who knows which is correct. Eliot walked his dog—this is news?--and ran into Kanan, who he gave three options to guess his name before naming Kanan Chris. But the notes say his name is—oh. Ohhhh, did the squirrels give us all names? That's so...I can't believe I just *BEEP*in' said that sentence. But it explains why everyone’s name is ridiculous. And then the dog scared someone the squirrels are calling Kaylin. And Peridot uh, tried to gnaw her "limb enhancers" (is that a euphemism?) off with her teeth. Okay, even if it's a euphemism that sounds disturbing. Maybe don't...maybe don't do that.

Hal: So, conclusion? This place is *BEEP*ed up.

Lake: What *BEEP*in’ clued you in? The squirrels or the amnesia?

Hal: I like to think it was my keen investigative skills.

Lake: Sure. Let’s go with that. Can we go now? I think we can go now.

So, we're still in space. That's a thing that's still going on, huh?

*chittering*

No, I know you don't control it. I mean, if you did, that'd be something. A bunch of squirrels in charge of our lives. Sorta creepy, if you think about it. I'll stick with Fox, thanks. Alright, lets get this party started. We have Obi-Wan was supposedly meditating in his weird shack in the woods. Kids, don't go to the shack in the woods. Kanan stopped by to catch up on the Force. That's a capital 'f' there, folks. That's how you know it's important. Ahsoka also stopped by--what did I just say about not going to the creepy shack in the woods?--to talk about the Jedi. They returned, I think. Good movie. Eliot found out that Parker was a ferret and Hardison was a teddy bear. That's... okay. Remind me to avoid that.

At Groovy Tunes, Jono was being official when Steven showed up to find new music. Cecil stared into the void while at the park. Sounds like someone has student loans! Ammiright?

*chittering*

Fine, don't give me a high-five. I don't care. Anyway, Cecil met Kanan who offered to let him move in. Which is pretty forward, but hey. Maybe it was love at first sight.

That's all we've got. Get back to what you were doing, folks!

Okay, here I am taking a break from killing all the crazy space Australians with narry a single Wolverine in the bunch and you give me five things to read. I honestly don't know how I feel about that.

I could be shooting space things right now and instead I'm doing this.

*chittering*

They have guns that shoot lasers. Lasers. I'm going back to raid one of those vending machines. It's gonna be sweet.

Okay, first up we have Lucille and Hannibal being atmospheric and dark at each other while apparently having a music lesson. I hope they had all the aesthetic necessary for Bryan Fuller and Guillermo del Toro, man. Everyone's favorite X-Men who, let's be honest, we probably could have had in the movie if not for the fact that brass balls took up all our CGI budget--Jono was writing his own music at Groovy Tunes. Oh god, I hope it's the kind you see at an open mic night at a coffee shop. Dante stopped by to check on him after the attempted wedding with the absolute worst attackers ever. I mean. Go big or go home, guys. Maybe Apocalypse. He's pretty big right now. Also, Oscar Isaac. I wouldn't turn that man down. Jalian showed off her customer service skills with headlocks at Stark's place. And finally, Mike hosted a Ladies Night at Caritas. For all four ladies on the island.

But that's all. Is it too soon to make Crocodile Hunter jokes about the planet?

*angry chittering*

Yikes. Fine, I'll just go with some musical jokes instead. This has been Deadpool telling you to spay and neuter your pets.

Oh my god, you guys are still doing this? That's just adorable. Sad, but adorable. Mostly sad.

*chittering*

Yeah, I know it hasn't been that long. I just stand by my statement. Just give me those notes so I can get this over with and go steal some food from that buffet going on. This place is great with all the free food. I wonder how they even pay for it. Weird.

( Read more... )

Okay, so this is where the magic happens. And by the magic, I mean the work put into recapping all you lil' *BEEP*ers. I'm being beeped? Seriously? C'mon, you can say *BEEP* at least once in a PG-13 movie. That second *BEEP* would have to be cut off, though.

*BEEP*

Yeah, that's not gonna get old or anything. Give me those notes so I can go back home and hide my shame because something stole my awesome suit and is going to be paying me back for it. Or replacing it. Possibly in a fancier fashion. Ooo, ooo, make Stark do it so we can watch Marvel cry.

*chittering*

Isn't it weird how I can understand you?

*chittering*

Yeah, pretty weird. Okay, let's get into the dorms--nice use of bolding. Dante was in his room, angsting over some guy named Anders' phone. I hope they can overcome this minor inconvenience to their love and reunite to some romantic 80's love ballad. Thorin was on the roof, also angsting. Christ, kids. At least wait until you hit twenty before realizing how screwed you are. Lucille showed up to make small talk with him. I hope it was some Downton Abbey style awkward small talk.

And most of the action was in town today with Tamsin--yeah, that's a name--had a Eurovision party. Which is the most European thing possible. Or hipster. One of 'em. Cara stopped by and got the whole kit and crazy, glitter covered kaboodle explained to her. Jessica--wait, we have more than one of the arachnid people here? Seriously? How have we not been sued yet? Anyway, Jessica was swinging around that planet we're hanging out by. I'd go, but I feel like I'd have to make a lot of tough moral choices that would reflect on me in the long term. And I can never decide who to romance. When she got back, she found out that her clothing was gone. Welcome to the club. Also looking for clothing, Jaina.

Over at the gym we had a half naked Steve running around--why the *BEEP* didn't you guys get pictures? We can sell those!

*chittering*

You underestimate the thirst of fans out there, my little rodent friends.

Ahsoka showed up at the gym to work out and instead ogled him. She better have gotten pictures since some people here just failed at it.

*sad chittering*

No, you know what you did wrong. You know. At the Gig, Dani had a horse blanket to wear because sure, just make the horses be naked instead. Pervert. At Groovy Tunes--the *BEEP* is this place? Scooby Doo?--actual old man Whithers, Jono was half naked there before Bob showed up to offer him some magical ones. Wow. Bob the wizard. Nice one.

But that's all we've got. So. Shoo. Move onto the next post. Shoo.