[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hello, Fandom! This is John Crichton and this is my final radio broadcast. I know, we're all sad, aren't we? So, how about we break this down, Fandom style? Ready? Right, here we go.

And Then There Was INSANITY! )

Ahem. Well, that's all for me, folks! This is John Crichton, signing off for the last time. I love you all, I miss you all, and I'll see you soon! Bye!

[Of course, all impressions are through John's eyes and should not be taken seriously at all. He's a nutcase and I just wanted to do something insane for his last radio.]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening ladies and gentleman, it's John "My Pants are More Interesting Than Yours" Crichton back again for another lovely night of broadcasting the radio from Massachusetts. The squirrels here have gotten used to the chillier weather and Aeryn's cooking. Me, I'm still getting there.

Broadcast Tiem Nau! )

This is John Crichton in Massachusetts. Willow. Dearest heart. Dearest intelligent awesome person. I have three words for you. Meatloaf. Concert. Tickets.

Goodnight, Fandom!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening Fandom and this is your host, John Crichton, once again coming at you live from Massachusetts. Aeryn brought us home from steak and potatoes tonight so we be eating good!

Words Words Word )

And that's all from Massachusetts! This has been John Crichton. Drool on, Fandom, drool on!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of Fandom High Radio with John Crichton, the one and the only. Everything is just peaches and cream up here in Massachusetts. Aeryn's got herself a job, I've got myself too many classes and we got ourselves a houseguest! Aeryn says hello and she'll totally get you all free food from her job when you come visit!

Raaaaaadio! )

And that's our show for tonight! From Massachusetts with love, this is John Crichton and we miss you all!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Yo yo yo yo yo, what up, Fandom fo shizzle? This be da one, da only J-Dawg Crichton! Here to be bringing you the latest and greatest news, boooooooooy.

Pretty Fly for A White Guy )

And dat be all from the House that Crichton built. Fo shizzle my nizzle kabizzle in hizzle!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good greetings Fandom! This is John Crichton, coming at you live from Massachusetts where Aeryn Sun had her very first day of work. And she didn't kill anyone! She did have to wear a jaunty hat and lots of flare and I have pictures!

Raaaaaaaaadio! )

And that's been another broadcast by John Crichton. When the Umbridge gets you down, just...dance. I don't know, I'm out of catchy tag lines. Night!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening, Fandom! This is John Crichton coming at you live from Cambridge, Massachusetts! We're all settled in our new apartment and awaiting our first house guests. Hi Anakin! Hi Rory! Bring Twister! We're playing! Girls versus boys!

Did Plodder Release You All Finally? )

That's another edition of Fandom Radio down for the count! I'm John Crichton and I'll see you back here next Monday, same Crichton time, same Crichton place.
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
On the radio again! Just can't wait to get on the radio again! Hello folks, this is John Crichton coming at you live from the road! Yep, Aeryn and I are on a bus bound for Massachusetts and the damn radio squirrels followed us. These little twits can get anywhere.

Make the World Go Round )

And I must go, dear Fandomites! The bus is pulling into the stop and I need an icepack for my arm. DINOSAURS. YOU ALL HAD DINOSAURS and I have to go eat bus stop food. This is John Crichton, signing off. I hate you all.
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hello, hello Fandom and welcome to another exciting edition of Fandom Radio! I'm your host, John Crichton. And yes, I did just leave yesterday. But, apparently, a few of the squirrels followed us and, while Aeryn lounges on the deck and drinks a pop, I'm going to be bringing you the latest and greatest from the place I just left.

If you all talked nearly as much as you did last Monday, I'm coming back and stealing every single pair of pants I can find. That means Hades without pants. Ares without pants.

DEADPOOL WITHOUT PANTS. Your eyes will not survive the onslaught of those full moons.

Words Go Here )

And that's all the time I have tonight. I must send the squirrels back to Fandom and go be on vacation. In Crichton terms, that means we're playing Scrabble. All night long. Goodbye and good luck!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening Fandom and I'd just like you all to know that I hate you. Yes, all of you. These notes are thicker than the damn Kama Sutra. Not that I've read the Kama Sutra. It was totally Angel's, okay!

Ask Your Friends )

That's all from me tonight. EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP.
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Welcome to another fun filled edition of Fandom Radio starring John Crichton. Whoopy. Do I sound enthused? I am, really. No, really. Do you not hear the elation in my voice? I'm so happy to be here. Let's get on with it before I start confessing my problems to the squirrels.

Insert Radio Broadcast Here )

And that's all I have for you today. Until next time, well, you're all just fired like a flaming fire on top of Vice Principal McFired's head. Goodnight.
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening fine folks of Fandom and welcome to another edition of 'who wants John Crichton to make them look awesome?' In today's edition, well, let's get to today's edition, shall we?

Words Words Words )

And that's all we have from the land of sunshine and roses and rotting televisions! This is John Crichton signing off saying be sure to check under your bed for Hoff monsters!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening denizens of Fandom and welcome to another edition of radio with John Robert Crichton Jr. Let's actually call me Ninja John from now on after my awesome display of Hofftastic knife throwing. More on that later.

The Ninja Gets Down! )

And that's all I have for you tonight. This is John 'Ninja I Beat Aly' Crichton signing off!

[All rumors written by my lovely class!]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening Fandom! This is the Honorable John Robert Crichton Jr and I'm coming at you live from WTFH! I'm another year old, still not as old as Aly, another year wiser, even smarter than Deadpool, and even better looking than I was before! Hail hail to myself!

Lord, I Was Born a Ramblin' Man )

And that's all that the squirrels saw fit to report! I'm the Honorable John Robert Crichton JR, Aly told me I should pay people to marry me, Deadpool has girly hips, Dean Hubert is named Hubert and Principal Zoe likes pie!

Good night!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
"Hello everyone, this is John 'I'm Not Wearing Any Pants' Crichton. Except I am. Wearing pants. Or am I? Pants or no pants, it's good to be back here on the radio. I'm sure you've all missed me. Last time we talked, I was but a wee little junior and I'm all graduated and they let me teach.

Yes, they let ME teach. I think the school exploding in a fireball of alien might've jarred the minds of our illustrious principal, and hey, John's a great name for a kid, boy or girl, and vice principal who got shot in the ass. Vice Principal Ass Shot!

Anyway, let's get on with all the news and views that you can use!

News and Views to Use! )

And that's all from me, the future Mr Aeryn Sun. I beat you all to marriage...well, except for Professor Deadpool. Hey, did you wear the dress? You're whipped, not dirty, now? Congratulations! Until next time, this is John 'Now I'm Really Not Wearing Pants Yay Boxers' Crichton, signing off.
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hello Fandom and welcome to my broadcast! We're gonna do something a little different today so grab some hot ovaltine, a flannel blanket and a stuffed bunny because Uncle John is gonna tell you a story about a magical land and it's magical inhabitants who have very silly names.

Dorm Room with A View

Once upon a time in the land of Gymnasia, there was a kingdom of super sleuthing critters. They went by the names of Tyler, Peter, Tyler, Pip, Pippi, and Gwynn. These weren't just any ordinary critters, you see. No, these critters had red teeth and yellow eyes! But, in the land of Gymnasia, taht was considered quite attractive.

In the town of Fourth Floorina Common Roomina, Sir Blair of Floorina made algae shakes. Those were considered a delicacy, you see, and therefore were highly coveted. Lady Lana tries the algae shake and deems it swell! Sir Blair and Luna of the Gables meet and the two critters instantly hit it off! But, lo, there is a terrible plague in Gymnasia. Will these two new friends get this plague? Find out...soon.

Briar the Talking Pear takes a shake and doesn't detest it. Pears can totally talk. Briar the Talking Pear and Lady Luna discuss the semester upcoming and wonder if the Talking Chocolate Peanuts from the neighboring land will attack them. Sir Blair gives Ivanova the talking Ink Stain a shake and a muffin so the Ball Point Pens of the East do not invade.

For you see, children, the land of Gymnasia was one of peace. Yet there were internal rumblings of strife...

In a quiet tower in the west of Gymnasia, Cedric the Talking Cauliflower, is having an illicit cuddle moment with Jack the Magical Jumping Bean. You see, fine folks, this is forbidden in Gymnasia. The reasons are unknown and, most likely, very scary. There's is a story for later, though.

No, the internal strife comes from the sadness that is engulfing Gymnasia over the exodus of many of it's favorite critters. Why, just today, Cally the Cardinal, Alanna the Banana, D'Anna the Other Banana, Veronica the Green Pepper, Chloe the Hot Pepper, Alphonse the Singing Celery, and Archie the Armadillo all visited the room of Piper of the Penguins to say goodbye. Tis' truly a sad day in Gymnasia. A sadness has befallen the town and there are many more tears to shed in the coming days, folks.

John the Awesome takes care of Aeryn the Avocado in their room. This is from, yet again, another terror gripping Gymnasia. More of that is to come later, kids. Hang on tightly. Dawn the Lawnchair visits the recovering Avocado girl and gets a hug! The Avocado is notorious for her attitude of not hugging in the land of Gymnasia. Willow the Fine Wine also stops by to briefly chat with John the Awesome.

Xander the Trouser Attacher and Bridge the Bouncing Ball play with the flight sim. In Gymnasia, things are never dirty! Cameron the Croquet Ball and Isabel the Ice Machine both visit Sam Who is A Girl. Cedric the Cauliflower talks to Dean the Dental Hygienist about his move to a different hut in Gymnasia. And Alec the Aardvark talks to Dean the Dental Hygienist while he moves.

To further fight the Sadness, there is a birthday party for Lana the Lovely Lavendar Granola Bar in Fourth Floorina Common Roomina. There are greetings of good fortune, cake, lots of friendly chatter, and wonderful presents, of course!

Takin' You Downtown

Cafe Fina, the local inn for Gymnasia, is open! The sadness that is engulfing Gymnasia can be staved off! Look, Falcor!

But there is a plan to stave off the sadness! There is a marathon! A marathon of dance! Jarod the Jumping Pancake and Parker the Pizzaface, Daisy and the Doctor Doolittle, Anakin the Absolute Angel and Rory the Roaring Rowboat, Greg the Granite Nosed Viking and Isabel the Ice Machine, and Jay and Silent Bob are all dancing. But, alas, Jay and Silent Bob fall to the sadness at the twenty one hour mark. Sadness. Isabel the Ice Machine and Greg the Granite Nosed Viking are the next to succumb to the pull of the Sadness. The Sadness takes no prisoners and, next, captures Jarod the Jumping Pancake and Parker the Pizzaface. Eventually, the Sadness also claims Daisy and Doctor Doolittle leaving Rory the Roaring Rowboat and Anakin the Absolute Angel as the champions! The Sadness is defeated! Gymnasia will rise again!

On the sides, Sam Who Is A Girl and Cameron the Croquet Ball dance! Lorelai the Laudering Nun meets Artie the Artistic. Artie the Artistic offers to be Young Bucky's superhero! Awww. The Sadness is once again averted! Peter Parker Who Wears Posies is there to cover the event for the Gymansia Gazette. And the winners get their due!

In another part of the large land of Gymnasia, Honor of the Hoodies and Hamish of the Hamsters meet for a drink and some singing! Or maybe not. And the Sadness is not the only target of the Army of Gymnasia. At the Huntzberger Mansion in the South, Nadia the Nickel Thrower, Anakin the Absolute Angel, Kawalsky the King of Briefcases, Pip the Pollyester King, Molly the Fajita Queen, Pippi the Pristine Piano Player and Walter the Walrus Whisperer go to the Huntzberger residence to confront Jamie the Possibly Evil, only to find Tino the Thong Wearer there all kidnapped and tied up.

The local doctor's office of Gymnasia sees Faithful the Fluffy curious about cabinets in the morning and Tommy the Tuba Player waiting for patients diligently at night. The Sadnes, thankfully, remains away.

And now for a word from a Gymnasia sponsor! Gymansia Ads Are Good for You and Me! )

Have a fine night, folks.

[Okay, so it turned into less of a story and more of a funny names for everyone! It's been a long day]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
JOHN : Hello everyone, this is President Johnandrosik of Lacucarachaland and with me today is a very, very special guest!

GREG: Hi! This is President Gregogiani of Everthesame. We are broadcasting from a very special location tonight. Kind of.

JOHN : Yes, we're totally in a special location. Well, we're in my room but we're in the Hut of Love also known as the most awesome fort in the history of forts! Radio live from the fort!

GREG: It's platonic love! No boykissy in the hut tonight!

JOHN : We both have girlfriends who can do damage with their hands. And not of the kinky kind though...maybe they can do that too? Aeryn...can. Isabel?

GREG: ...she can burn things and freeze things. I hadn't thought about it. *pause* I'm thinking about it now, though, and I'm pretty sure that's not kinky.

JOHN: Aeryn can't do that. She can just break things. Like bones!

GREG: I think Isabel can do that too. I'm not sure I want to test it. *pause* I don't think that's kinky either.

JOHN: No, I think that would hurt. Our girlfriends are badass. I feel so unmanly.

GREG: Let's put green stuff on our faces and paint our nails!

JOHN : ...okay!

*sounds of a tent opening, shuffling and a tent closing again*

JOHN: Here we go! Aeryn has nail polish!

GREG: ...she does? And did you get green stuff, too?

JOHN: Yeah, it's here. Here, hold your hand and I'll start!

GREG: Okay! We should probably read stuff too, right?

JOHN: Okay!

Hello Sunshine My Old Friend... )

GREG: Do you have eyeshadow to go with the mascara?

JOHN: Sure, I do! And mousse! Would you spike my hair like yours?

GREG: OOH. Of course I would! Everyone should have spiky hair. It's a weapon as well as a fashion statement.

JOHN: Yay! Thanks for listening everyone! I'm gonna go put on eyeshadow and get my hair spiked! This is President Johnandrosik of Lacucarachaland signing out!

GREG: Same here, people! This is President Gregogiani of Everthesame, and by this time next week, we'll have declared a national anthem, bird, flower and we'll have a flag for our fort! Bye!

[Many thanks to [livejournal.com profile] like_a_sponge for co writing!]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening, Fandom, and this is John Crichton back with you again. And before this fricking school starts up with it's Strange Land crap again, I'm just gonna nip it in the bud.

So, tonight, I present to you Fandom Radio...Barry Manilow style! This is for you, Angel!

Manilow was the bomb in Phantoms! )

And that's all that we have from the Barry Manilow's Fandom Radio! Good night!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening fine folks of fantastic Fandom! This is John Crichton with you on this wonderful, finally not eight zillion degrees, day! Let's get right into it, shall we?


And now that Strange Land has had a taste of it's own medicine, this is John Crichton signing off!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hello everyone! This is John Crichton and hopefully I'm going to be broadcasting without the insanity of last week. As you can see, there's no booze here with me. Yet...

School Daze

Today's detention is led by GOB.

The second basketball game was today! In the first half, the players arrive as do the cheerleaders.

And...Nadia drops the spirit stick and turns into a Gremlin. Oh yay, Strange Land is back! I lied, I have booze!

*sounds of bottle being uncapped*

Blair helps the blue team on the sidelines and Willow helps the gold team.

Nadia bites Janet...Okay. Janet is not what's for breakfast, Nadia!

The audience watches the game. And then Walter gets bitten by Nadia...and this is going to suck for you after you're not a gremlin, isn't Nadia? Sucks.

Cally and Walter make out under the stands...and people, I was playing during that game! No sex during basketball! It distracts the players!

Bel chats with Cally before Nadia bites him also. Man, she must've not eaten her Wheaties this morning. Walter, whose already made out with Cally, mind you, hits on Veronica. Veronica tasers him and OUCH. I hope she missed important parts, Walter! Jayer shares her popcorn with Nadia and wow Jaye wow.

Aeryn and Parker run into Nadia and Bel bounces...Bel bounced? Why is Bel bouncing? Is he on Bel bouncing balloons? This is not right, Fandom, not right at all!

Dr. Pevensie is there and talks to Peter and Willow.

During halftime, Anders and Conner make out. PEOPLE! No sex during the game and wait...you guys are players! If you guys get to do it, I wanna do it too! Not with you, I mean!



Nadia harrasses Cam at halftime but Blair comes over and tries to be the voice of reason. I hope it worked! Peter Pevensie gets a visit from both Nadia and Willow at halftime. No notes on biting so yay Peter!

Blair juggles water bottles and Bel ogles Phoebe but is...embarrassed about it. I thought you two were dating?

Demyx gets bitten and thinks he's Axel. Axel Rose? If so, that sucks! Paradise City sucks! Bel disturbs Archie and Veronica by being bouncy and happy.

Oh Bel. If this is temporary, don't hide from the world tomorrow! Nadia bites the Doctor and the Doctor thinks he's Hulk Hogan. WHATCHA GONNA DO?!

Cally mopes under the bleachers, Bel and Walter and their new personalities meet, and Bel is happy at the Doctor and the Doctor is happy right back.

Home On the Range

In the fourth floor common room, Pippi and Seras discuss egg's and today's basketball game. Walter tries to cheer Pippi up and Seras and Joxer discuss Joxer poking Jane Canary with his stick...I hope that's not dirty...and Seras gives him breakfast. Joxer proudly tells Pippi that he made out with Kaylee last week. Congrats? I guess. Joxer and Walter discuss different fighting methods and Seras gives Walter breakfast and they chat about Blackadder and the possibility of him being ill.

Hey Jaye? I hear you offer shirtless therapy! Go on down to All and Sundries and make Blackadder better!

This morning, Jack had a bad dream. I have bad dreams. And then Aeryn snores in my ear and I'm alllllllll right. I could send her over? Just kidding baby just kidding!

There is a drinking game! And I wasn't invited! I would've kicked ass people! Janet is freaking out and hey, we aren't that loud!

Ooops. Sorry Aeryn!

Isabel's reading a magazine and Parker and Sam check in on Jack.

Dr Pevensie talks to someone who may or may not be Axel Rose. So does Anders and Pippi.

Jude is building something on the roof. There is also emo free fun in the fifth floor common room.

It's a Helluva Town!

Alanna opened the clinic this morning and Tommy opens the clinic at night.

Sister Rosette is hung over at church. Best Sister ever! Joxer tries to go undercover at All and Sundries and it works. Really.

Walter goes into All and Sundries and hits on Seras. Wow, Walter. You're a busy dude today. Quark does his radio show Brunt stops in at Hitsuzen. Brunt also visits The Fourth Sin. Becky is not available!

And that's all we have for tonight and that wasn't so bad and I hope Nadia doesn't have indigestion tonight! Night folks!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening, campers and welcome to another edition of Fandom Radio with John 'the King of all Things' Crichton. I really like bathrooms tonight.

Stranger in a Strange Land )



Oh, wait, we have a visitor to the radio station. It's...Conservatively Dressed Sam Carter!

*sounds of throat clearing* Um, hi. This is Sam Carter, and to the extent that I, or anything I may have baked yesterday, caused today to happen, I apologize profusely to everyone who was affected and swear off baking for the good of humanity. *more throat clearing* Yes, very, very sorry.

I wonder if I could get a trip to Egypt at this time of night...

*sounds of door closing*

And this is John Crichton once again, signing off from Strange Land Radio Station! Night!

[Sam Carter's apology written by [livejournal.com profile] carter_i_am]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening people! John Crichton live at the mic tonight and I still have the taste of peanut butter and sour cream in my mouth. Mary Poppins, you are evil!

We Don't Need No Education!

In today's announcements, Jude, Cameron and Walter all have detention tomorrow. Hahahahahahaha. I laugh because I love, really.

Flight and Flying takes a spin in Jedi starfighters. Hey Annie-KIN, gonna tell them about your duet? The students go on a test flight before the real thing. Molly needed help from Annie-KIN, who was so adorable onstage last night. Annie-KIN also helps Alanna who was kinda scared. Annie-KIN also helps Dean who totally didn't ask for help. Totally. Jude has a lot of fun though! Next up, they fly through a course! After class, Cam, who has detention hahahahah, stopped by and Annie-KIN was cranky with him. Did you make fun of the braid, Cam? Alanna provides Annie-KIN with a hangover cure and Rory brings him foodies. I got no foodies! What's up, Rory of the dirty song?

In Constant Vigilance, there is talk of plants and Zhaan, who has a plan, man, is the guest star!

The big news of today was the Career Fair! Lots of students arrived! and helped themselves to food and drinks. Medic Frank Dufense was there to answer medical and military questions, news anchor Ron Burgandy is there and drinks from a flask, and Mary Poppins, who totally knows Rita Skeeter in a non dirty way, is there to answer questions about nannyifying! Cruger, who is Bridge's boss man-dog, is there for all law enforcement questions, Dana Whitaker is there for all television production questions, and movie critics Statler and Waldorf get Greg to juggle fish! Businessman Ned Flanders is there and he broughts lots of left handed things, Crazy Hooker is also there and she's giving advice. That's scary. How's the marriage Crazy Hooker? Or should I say Crazy Hooker Bluth? Duke Roger of Conte is there and talks about being a brown noser, Mark Cohen returns to talk about being a film maker and there's a spy there as well!

A House Is Not A Home

Cameron, who totally has detention hahahahahaha, wrote a letter. Bridge says goodbye to Anders as does Cally.

Willow feels kinda icky. Whose cooking did she eat? Aeryn's? Janet and Liz go on a walkie walk! And they didn't get lost or eaten by monsters! Yay! Cam and Molly talk about their relationship. Oh, and Cam has detention!

Walter gets a phone call and Pip stops by for a visit.

Tyler and Blair spar in the gym. Don't hurt each other, guys! No breaking of anything important! Ivanova and Maia are snuggly near the campfire. Omg, guys, don't fall in! Fire bad, tree pretty!

Sakurazaki and Ranma hang out on the roof! Walter talks to Jude and Pup is cute. Aww, cute! Aeryn's says I'm totally cute too. Isn't that right, babe? Pippi plays with Pup and Cally confuses and/or bum Walter out. Awww. Sorry, Walter.

In the cafeteria today, Pip and Pippi, who are two different people in case there's confusion, ate lunch and talked about Nadia and Walter. Joxer ate lunch too.

Cafe Fina is open. At Caritas, Jarod tells Parkie that he's going out of town but doesn't tell her why.

At night, Sam made cookies! And I got none! Woe! My heart is broken in two!

Big City, Bright Lights

Cox calls mechanics during his shift at the clinic and Alanna's sad and kind of drunk during her shift.

Lana opens Giles' shop and Clark talks on the phone at the hotel.

And there's a party yay! Isabel gets people together at Galactica Point! Dawn and Isabel talk about if Dawn's going to stay for the fall session, Dawn and Angela meet, and Dawn tells Dean about Crazy Hooker Bluth's sex ed class. She is a happily married woman now so she shouldn't be teaching that!

Isabel and Dean talk about how the weirdness of Fandom helps them out, Greg and Isabel discuss juggling fish and Cedric's...wand. I sure as hell hope that's not dirty. Molly tells Isabel how drunk she was last night. Hey Molly? Who did the better song? Annie-KIN or Rory Dirty Song Gilmore? Angela and Isabel talks about the weather and Isabels' trip home and Angela and Dean talk about being from different years.

And that's all for tonight. I'm John Crichton and Mary Poppins totally has a husband named Merril! Good night!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening everyone and welcome to another fun filled edition of Fandom Radio with John Crichton! Hope everyone out there is snuggling a loved one or eating chocolate or dancing naked!

Lotsa Stuff Happened Today! )

And that's all we have for tonight where students at Fandom High kicked demon ass. Go demon hunters go!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
*faint sounds of static, crackling and then...House of the Rising Sun flitters through the speakers*

RITA!JOHN: Is this thing on? Bloody hell, the technology has gone to rubbish since I've left. Oh, it's on. I think it's on. Can everyone hear me? As you may have guessed, this is the Ex-Professor Miss Rita Skeeter and I'm currenly talking to you from the front seat of someone's off duty taxi cab. It was the only bloody car I could find, all right? Show some respect students.

Scooter with Skeeter! )

*sounds of loud scuffling*

RITA!JOHN: I wasn't stealing your cab, you nit! I was borrowing it! Stop kicking mud at me, this is my only dress! Oh, go to hell, you stupid -

*the signal cuts out*

[For those new to FH, last semester, John and Professor Skeeter had an ongoing war on both the radio and in class which led to John impersonating Rita on radio and vice versa. I miss her so John's impersonating here tonight! Take anything said in this broadcast with a grain of salt because it's John impersonating Rita!]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hello everyone! This is John Crichton coming at you large and in charge! Well, not large in the literal sense. Stop smirking, Cameron! Stop it! Anyway, I'm large and in charge in a metaphorical way. Completely metaphorical. Well, wait, some other parts of my body might be large...not like that you gutter dwellers!

School on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

Crazy Hooker and Scary Mute Ninja held detention today. Alec, Joxer, Walter Dornez, Tyler Durden, Gwynn Hood, Pippi Longstocking, Jamie Madrox, Conner McKnight, Cameron Mitchell, M. Parker, Peter Parker, Peter Pevensie, Nadia Santos, Dawn Summers, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester. Good grief, that's a lot of you. You'd almost think you wanted detention. Hey Cam? Tell me, are they aliens?

Dorm Room With A View

In the dorms, Charlie sends some email. I didn't receive anything so it was obviously not for me. Charlie, have you forsaken me? I'm returning your stamps immediately! Pip is human again! Congratulations, Pip! Pippi, Nadia and River check on Pip after his transformation back into human. Checking to see if all pertinent parts are there, aren't you, ladies?

Aeryn Sun, all around ass kicker, loves kittens! Percival is her little bundle of awesome joy! River paints something, Veronica does some research, and Marie writes a letter. Hi Marie! Sorry this broadcast isn't too insane. I must be tired tonight. Next week, I'll do my best Barbossa impression! Tempe talks to her wee kitties too. Spread the kitty love!

In room 213, Aeryn continues to play with her new BFF, Percival. And she came up with that name all on her own! Tyler's acting a bit odd, Isabel talks to people and reassures Gregory of the Stickbugs, and then Rory, Dawn and me all dot watch. Dots are cool.

Nadia didn't have fun in detention. What? Need some cheering up, Nadia? I can go Swamp Thing for you! And Pippi listens to music. It wasn't Yanni, was it?

In the third floor common room, Bel is hanging out and watching Celebrity Poker. Kaylee and Bel decide that crazy is normal. Add me to the list of people who agrees with that! Marie bothers Bel and talks to Kaylee about Kaylee's abilities.

Everyone in this school as cool abilities but me, huh? All I am is metaphorically large. Still in the third floor common room, Walter talks to Marie about detention and workshops, Gwynn is still in shock after detention, and Jack meets Marie. Were you shirtless, Jack? I heard your cabin encouraged that?

Still in the busy third floor common room, Jack also meets Kaylee, Briar talks to Marie about magic, and promises to check out Jack's plant. If this wasn't Fandom, that statement would sound weird. Anyway, Walter is in shock after detention, Walter and Bel talk about poker, Joxer tells Kaylee about detention, and Joxer and Marie talk about each other's days.

In the third floor common room, Bel is annoyed at Joxer's shoeless feet. Why? Did they smell? Have corns? Seras tries to get Marie excited about the World Cup. Go...team who is good! And Bel and Seras talk competitive sports!

In the fourth floor common room, Tim puts a flyer on the door, Jude tells Lana about his experience as a canary, and Ranma and Sakurazaki stop by.

Tim Desmond puts up posters advertising a movie night! Marie also puts up posters advertising cheerleading practice. Unfortunately, I've heard from my good friend Johnina and she won't be able to make it. That's her time for her weekly pedicure.

Takin' You Downtown!

At Caritas, Veronica catches up with Weevil.

Alfred and Clark stop into All and Sundries while Seras watches soccer! Go...team! Jude and Clark go to Weasley's for the first time and River stops into Luke's and talks to Tim.

And then there are mummies! Kawalsky, Sam Carter, Cameron, Alanna, Luna, Molly, Parker, Isabel, Tyler, Xander and Bridge fight mummies!. And then they lay into the big bad guy!.

In more mummy fighting news, Aeryn, Callisto, Alec, Dean, Sam Winchester, Z, Buffy, Anakin, Peter Parker, and D'Anna fight mummies as well. But not mommies. Evil mommies would be fricking scary! And then they take on a giant scorpion!

The Fandom Troopers get there too late! Woe! Maybe you guys need more chocolate?

Clark comes into the clinic during Natalie's shift with his duck and Tommy plays with the television during his shift at the clinic.

And that's all the time we have for today! But, before I go, I'm sending this out to one special lady...and no, it's not Rita Skeeter!

Muuuuuuuuuuusic! )

I love you, my mummy fighting bad ass! This is John Crichton, the metaphorically large one, signing off!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
JOHNINA: Hello world! This is Johnina, filling in for my good friend, John Crichton. And I am mah-velous? Do you see my lip gloss? No, of course you don't because I'm on the radio! R-A-D-I-O. I'm also a cheerleader. Thanks Buffster, darlin! And...I have a very special guest!

FRASER: I am not feeling well at all.

JOHNINA: Yes, so I see. Please, Constable, drooling on the pirate's equipment is rule #1 in things Johnina wishes you wouldn't do.

FRASER: I'm going to have to call Ray immediately and tell him his drink of choice is rather vomit inducing.

JOHNINA: Constable, please! This show is all about glamour. Glamour and glitz and looking so damn good it hurts!

FRASER: Are you even a student here?

A Mountie and a Boy Dressed as a Girl Walk Into A Radio Station... )

JOHNINA: And that's all we have for you today, my lovelies! Thank you to Constable Fraser for his...part in the broadcast.

FRASER: I feel so ill.

JOHNINA: Good night!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
John Crichton here and, folks, I'm a little sad. In the span of a week, I've lost my roommate and my favorite teacher. I guess I'll console myself with thoughts that Angel and Rita are out there, together, travelling the world and thinking of me. Yes, that'll help.

Dorm Room With A View

Phoebe comforts Bel. Awww. Cam and Molly wake up together and are apparently quite adorable. But Cam didn't cook pancakes. Woe. Janet and Liz fight. Well, must've not gotten too bad because no holes in the wall! Parkie makes sure Jack still wants to go to Caritas! Parkie also professed herself a good cook at Homecoming! Email me if you want the pictures! Cedric arrives for his date with Jack. Way to go, guys!

Seras plays with a pup. I miss Rita. Rita and Angel R Us. Sound good? I hope they're all right. Piper, Phoebe and Paige talk about people leaving. But look at all the new students we have! And we have a Mountie who is quite good looking if I do say so in a platonic way like I talk about Xander in a platonic way!

Veronica gets her college acceptance letter. Congratulations, Veronica! Go take over the world! Faithful visits Crookshanks and Faithful still has no pants! Aeryn and I had a discussion but it's private! No peekinating! Joxer sings to himself. Ever the Same? English Peter reads. Ever the Same lyrics? Mr. Neilson visits Demyx. Ever the Same for animals?

Peter Parker posts pictures of shirtless guys. OH. Wait, that's not Peter's name. That's Parkie, not Peter. Sorry Peter! In the gym, Buffy meets Aeryn, Dean might be checking out my girlfriend, English Peter and Dean discuss a sparring re-match, Max chats with Dean and Joxer, English Peter talks to my girlfriend, Sam also talks to my wonderful girlfriend who I love, Parker talks to English Peter and Joxer.

What can we learn from this frenetic gym activity? That pie is good. Yes.

Paige is at the pool. English McMuffin Peter and Tim drop by. We have a pool? Elle is moving into town. Sakurazaki helps her.

Ranma falls asleep in the fourth floor common room. Jude runs into a door to wake him up. Dude, concussion!

Sakurazki does something magical and then talks on the phone.

In the third floor common room,
Bel watches a show on disasters. Alanna and Bel talk about a freshmen bonfire made out of real freshmen. I wonder if they taste like chicken. Pie, of course, would be better. Kaylee and Bel meet and talk about missing friends. Alphonse and Kaylee also meet. There is a cat but not one like Faithful who wears pants. I bought you some new pants, Faithful! Cally and Kaylee bound over ships. I like canals. And inlets. Bel and Al talk about Walter standing up Nadia. I guess this means Nadia and the Rivendells is dead. Woe. Bel and Dawn talk about Buffy and her various incarnations. Giraffes?

Still in the third floor common room, Tim things Pippi is a changeling. No, she's the bassist! Bridge and Greg talk about how Greg has weird hair, I mean, about how Greg believes that Fandom High is weird. DUH. Bel tries to prove he's a demon to Greg. Huh, this wasn't some weird game of 'let's see who's longer' right? Because, COMMON ROOM! Zack hopes no one gets blowed up. We have a pool? Cally would rather watch something happier then something on natural disasters. I hear there's an Inside Edition special on the Bitterwoman actress in production! Marie wants to know if Conner always has his balls with him. Wait a minute, what? People, common room! Remember what Principal Bristow did to me, Cally, Cal, Bridge and Anders! You could be the next Little Wooden Boy.

I miss Principal Bristow.

And we're still in the third floor common room. Anders arrives and is shocked to find the third floor is the happenin' place to be. The second floor is just biding it's time, oh yes. Marie learns Bridge is from the future. He's also not a street!

Takin' You Downtown!

Out of nowhere, Kurt, the librarian returns. Paige helps him out which means he must be hurt. Feel better soon! In more kinda sad news, Quark visited his shuttle that's on the roof. Okay, that's not that sad unless the shuttle was pink? Had been graffiti'd? Why is that sad? These notes suck.

In the clinic, Alanna and Faithful, who is still pantless, read. Tyler is being held for burns. Later that evening, Tommy checks on Tyler.

In Caritas, Walter and Pippi are acting strangely. Pip confronts them and they are lobbed out of Caritas courtesy of the sanctuary spell. Ouch. Veronica and Weevil talk about the future. Jack, who had a date, gets to know Isabel again. Parkie tells Jarod about Shirtless Day. Rory Gilmore makes folder helmets in her spare time!

Bel and Marie meet at the park. Marie? New person? I haven't met anyone yet! Been hiding. Hi Marie! Bel's last name is not Thazor! All and Sundries is open! River goes to Empire Records. River? Haven't met you either! Name's cool though! Much better than being named Canal!

Pippi, Walter, and Nadia raise their voices and no, not like Josh Groban raising. Not that I listen to John Groba. I'm just on mullet watch. Cedric and Jack had a date at Jeff, God of Biscuits. Congratulations guys, hope it was a fun one!

Nadia, Pippi and Walter are busy today as they head to All and Sundries. Wait, I know what's going on! The newest musical trio! Nadia And The Rivendells! Janet visits the Sin, Crazy Hooker is snarky and GOB leaves without his pants. Did Janet take his pants on arrival? Poor GOB's pants.

Parker bumps into Pippi outside Caritas. Parker figures something's going on. Oh no, Nadia and the Rivendells haven't broken up already, have they? Parker then goes to the hotel. We have a hotel? Jenny and Susan get together are Ching Tai to talk.

And that's all we have time for tonight folks. Until next time, if Angel and Rita are together? I'll cry with happiness. Call me guys! I miss you! I'm writing stuff in my slam book just for you!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hi ho, hi ho, it's on the radio I go. Good morning - evening- afternoon, whatever, everybody's. This is John. I am a wee bit smashed. But I will be okay. Not even booze, such wonderful good booze, will stop me from bringing you the news. Hi Xander! Hi! 'Member that time we held hands! It was fuuuuuun.

Dormy McDorms!

In da gym, Aeryn and Cammie chat. But they do not make out. Aeryn is my girlfriend and Cammie only looks like me. No making out! I shake my head at making out! Parkie, who I totally have pictures of from Homecoming, drops in and talks about fighty stuff. I can do the crane kick! I'm doing it right now. And Bar...pirate? That hole in the wall totally was already there! I think Rita Scooter did it. Rita Scooter loves me. I bought her Mylanta for her regularity! Also, Rory and Aeryn are talking animals! Seriously, that's what the notes say. Not that I can read them all that clearly...

Walter has a scary dreams! I'm scared of Victoria's Secret. UNDERWEAR IS SCARY. Rory has doggies on her undewear. I seen them! Quinn leaves! Where did she go? Is this like a Where's Waldo thing? Someone, go find Quinn!

Pippi who is not Skippy also has weird dreams. Was Howie Mandel there? He's scary omgwtf! Cammie has skeery dreams too. Scary like Boy George? Not that Cammie is Boy George, not at all. Molly and Cammie negotiate for hits. Molly is hitting Cammie? Cammie, I will save you! Ivanova is leaving too. Woe. I cry purple tears.

I think we’re alone now
There doesn’t seem to be anyone around
I think we’re alone now
The beating of our hearts is the only sound

I had such a crush on Tiffany when I was just a wee lad.

In my room, we had fun! Isabel and my totally hot not girlfriend, Faithful, I mean, AERYN, chat. AERYN IS MY NOT GIRLFRIEND. And we played Monopopoly! And people felled asleep! Shhhhh! Sleeping!

Townie McTown!

CattynCanopener or something wake up without clothes on. That means naked. They were naked in public. OMG, guys, that's bad. The fuzz could've busted you! Full body tans are not worth that! Naked in jail. That be bad!

Crowley, the man, the myth, the legend does some hanging out in the park. The park is not for emo. No emo in the park! Don't make me exorcise the park! Pippi who is not Skippy visits Crowley and they do not emo together. No emo in the park! Paige, the person, not like a piece of paper in a book also visits. No one wrote on Paige because that would be mean. It would be so mean! So mean!

I wanna kiss you all over
And over again
I wanna kiss you all over
Till the night closes in
Till the night closes in

I just love that song.

At Caritas, Marty does some teasing of Nadia about Water. I mean, Walter. Wait, Walter Water? Is he a new student? HI MR. WATER! Weevil, whose name makes me laugh, buys Bel a drink. They bond. But not bonded. No marriage for Weevil and Bel! Angela explains her almost nakedness to Bel. OMG, Angela, were you naked on the beach too with CattynCanOpener? In the lounge, Angela, who is not naked anymore and Marty talk about alien meerkats! OMG INVASION?

The clinic is quiet for Allie and Dr. Troy!

I am getting naked in the radio booth! Except I'm not...or I'm not as far as you know! I AM A HUMAN ENIGMA! Good night citizens!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
JOHN: Hewwo! My name's John! Hi! I'm seven and three quarters! Hi again! Can you all hear me! Does anyone else wanna say hi? Say hi guys!


[Thank you to Angel, Bridge, Cam, Sam, Anakin, Barbossa, Xander, Angela, Marty, Aeryn, Jaye, Rory, Sean, Vladdie, Chloe, and Veronica for helping with all this. If a link got missed, please forgive me. This day was absolutely HUGE and I couldn't get it all.]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
JOHN: Hello all you prom going girls and guys out there! This is John with an 'h' coming at you live. I've been to prom, I've lived prom and I've kicked prom's ass!

RITA: Oh, ick, you're here.

JOHN: What the heck are you doing here? Prom date stand you up?

RITA: No, I got bored. Are you doing radio? Who are you impersonating this week?

JOHN: No, I'm not doing radio. I'm attempting to liberate a small country in Europe through only the power of my voice. Of course, I'm doing radio.

RITA: You're doing it wrong. Let me see those notes.

JOHN: Hands off the goods, lady.

RITA: Oy, I wasn't after your "goods." It's your own fault for shifting that way.

JOHN: Anyone out there that's listening and who does radio? Is there a some kind of spray I can use to get rid of her?

RITA: Oh, hush. Now...*shuffling papers* let's see. There was some sort of...thingy tonight, wasn't there?

JOHN: Please tell me you're not planning on staying...

RITA: You obviously need supervision.

JOHN: You've obviously been hit on the head. I don't need supervision.

RITA: Yes, you do. Otherwise you might electrocute yourself or something.

JOHN: Don't you have to take your Metamucil or something? Keep you regular?

RITA: I don't know what that means. Now hush and tell the nice audience what happened in detention today.


JOHN: In case anyone was wondering, Professor Skeeter just proposed to me.

RITA: I proposed that you go away, yes.

JOHN: She gave me a ring and everything. But she demands I take her last name. John Skeeter? Sounds terrible. Rita Crichton? What say you all?

RITA: *sounds of headdesking*

JOHN: You're all invited to the glorious wedding! We'll be serving vienna sausages with cheese whiz, Rita's favorite!

RITA: And John will be a lovely bride.

JOHN: And Rita has a womanly moustache. Say goodnight, dear!

RITA: Enjoy hell.

[Co written with [livejournal.com profile] imanaturalblond who I LOVE MORE THAN PIE AND CHOCOLATE AND PIZZA.]
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Hello boys and girlsh, this is Professorinator Regina Skeeter and I have moonshine! Sweet, sweet moonshine. Let's get started on this wee, pretty tiny radio broadcast, shall we? Yes, we shall. Yes, we shall! Pretty radio! The equipment is so shiny!

School Which Is Pretty and Witty And Gay!

Detention is led by Professor Creggie and Aeryn, Walter, Anniekins, and Rotary attend. Naughty children! Be good from now on!


Apparently, Callistie bo bistie isn't doing naughty things anymore! Way to go, Callistie! Save your goods for someone who knows what to do with them. Like Zilbur! I mean, Wilbur. Someone named Lizziebeth puts up a box for Prom Qing and Kwueen. Ooooh, tiara? I want a tiara!

Cally, Zanders, Xanander, that girl with the number as her name, Hammie Bo Bammie, and MacBeth fall into a vent. Children, are you all right? Do you need Regina to come and save you? I can fly you know! Wheeee! But, oh no, there is a bomb! Run children, run! My wand cannot reach all the way down there! Hee. My wand can reach my nose though. Bo beep dee doo.

Poker night begins. Yay gambling! But, oh no, Professor Cregg's office is broken into! It might be Lord Voldiedork! Be careful, CJ!

Aeryn, Anniekins, Angela, Archie, Izzibelle, and Peter all get invitations. Ooooh, invitations! Callistie Bo Bistie is still cheery. That's right, turn that frown upside down!

Jakey poo sends emails to people. I didn't get one. It must've gotten lost in the email void. The email eater. Email's a really funny word, don't you think? E. Mail. It's two words in one! Kaw-Kalaw-Charlie sends email too!

Angie is a dolly! Dolly! Porcelain dolls are scary. They stare. Their eyes will follow you around the room! Pippilita is in the fifth floor common room. That's the floor that comes after four!

Nadia is dreaminating again. Dreams. They are the window to the soul! And people wake up in the east attic! Yay waking up! My wand is pretty! Dr. Grissom is leaving...forever. I am verklempt!

Izziebelle visits Peter for birfday stuff. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Peter, your mommy loves you! Molly and Cammie chat. And nap. But not at the same time. That would be impossible. No one can sleep and chat. Can they? Why don't my notes include things like this?

Nadia gets a weird letter. Are there cows? Xanander gets email and then gets grilled about his date. Date? Who does Xanander have a date with? Is is that nice Anders boy? Angel, who is not a girl despite that name, comforts Callistie Bo Bistie. Aw. Sweet. I am verklempt...again.

Oh, oh! I know what we should do! Let's make a prank call, shall we? Come with me, boys and girls. No one will ever suspect! Let's make the call!

Town Town Bada Bown!

At, Joe, The God Of Biscuits, Giles, Sam, Isabel and a Blowing Wand Kenobi stop in. Hi guys! Hi! There is also much activity at Blood Gulch Arms. That's such a dire name. Let's call it something pretty! Pretty Pink Bow Arms! Yes, that shall work.

GOBBLE visits the Sin and gives Becky a birfday present. Awww, how sweet. Do I hear wedding bells in the future? Oh wait, that's my wand against my glasses. Ha ha!

Parker and Jarod are camping. In the wilderness? Watch our for bears! Bears! And bees! The dashing, ever so suave Dr. Troy has clinic duty in the morning. Lilly and Kiki remain patients. That is not shiny. Hey! My wand is as long as my arm! Ha ha.

Bel, not like a bell, but the person Bel, visits Phoebe. Veronicalamonica visits Piper. Mr. Gavin Wo Wavin has the evening shift at the clinic. Piper checks out. Lilly, Phoebe, and Kiki Tiki are still there.

Cafe Fina and Caritas are both empty! Desolate! Void of people! But Cafe Fina and Caritas are not made of people! They are not built with people parts! I can assure everyone of that fact!

And that seems to be all for tonight. That means I must leave you! I don't want to leave you! I love all of you. If you could see me, I am hugging the radio equipment right now. It's hugging back too, I swear! Mr. Pirate Who Runs The Station? I'm gonna sleep here tonight! I spilled moonshine on the microphone thingy. G'night!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
[OOC: John's been chipped by OMG EVIL Scorpius. Italics indicate Umberto's thoughts. They can't be heard by the audience.]

It's Saturday night, the radio is on, and you're listening to the smooth sounds of John Crichton and Umberto on your radio. I hope you're all with someone you love, with someone you like, or just not killing each other.

Honestly, John, I'm already bored.

No, you're boring. Shut the hell up before I tie you to something and spork your eyes out.

School on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

Today's detention was Hell on Earth.

Why, John?

Children are mean, one of them ate my pants, one of them tried to eat a bunny, one of them got paint on me, one of them had a gas mask on, and if it was because someone cut the cheese, I understand, and they were all evil.

Dorm Room With A View

Nadia is still having weird dreams.

Do you dream of me, John?

All you are is a nightmare, you idiot. And stop dancing. You have no rhythm. You look like someone's trying to draw you up from the weeds and not succeeding.

Meanwhile, there's stuff about me here. Oh yay!. Cameron and Aeryn are apparently concerned and Aeryn is worried about me. Meanwhile, Molly stops by Aeryn's room to tell Aeryn that Angel and Anakin are dumb for getting into that fight.

Manly egos were at stake!

I feel like I want to punch you.

That wouldn't be very nice.

And now I want to cover you in bees.

So sweet, John. Do you not know how valuable your friends are?

I do. I'd marry them both if I could. But that's illegal and might gets the feds on my ass.

Isabel is reflective and Xander is contemplative.

Good use of a thesaurus, John.

Go transfer you energy to someone who actually asked for it!

In the gym, Isabel and Peter talk about prom and crowns.

And will you be taking me to the prom, John?

No. You're not my type. I'll give you Becky's number. I'm sure she's in the yellow pages.

Aeryn shows up to work out as well.

Which I'm sure you thought was exceptionally hot.

Aeryn's always hot.

The fifth floor common room sees Pip, Pippi and Ivanova talking about cartoons. in the third floor common room, Ivanova watches a movie. In the second floor common room Cally and Anders hang out.

John, unfortunately, I must tell you that you and Aeryn are not nearly as cute as Cally and Anders.

Being cute is not a competition. Geez, I should just throw you down the stairs and be done with it.

Takin' You Downtown!

Girl in Gold Boots is playing at the theatre. Now I have Nancy Sinatra in my head.

These boots were made for walking. And that's just what I'll do. One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

Are you quite done, Umberto? Honestly, take some voice lessons!

Jaye returns to her roots as a pimp. Best of luck, Jaye. I knew you and those whores were BFF FOREVER!

What is a BFF?

Not you, leatherface!

In the further adventures of Jaye the Pimp, she tries to hire a specific whore. You go, Jaye. We all support you!

Why is she hiring a whore, John?

Because her hands are tired. I don't know.

Aeryn and I have a rather bland discussion while waiting for Zhaan.

Bland nothing. Aeryn wants babies!

I'm not getting Aeryn pregnant yet! Zhaan shows up shortly thereafter and we all have tea.

Does Zhaan want children?

I don't know, Umberto. Ask her to have your kids!

Camulus and Orlin are domestic. Fun. Maybe they'll have kids.

Males cannot conceive children with each other.

Not right now, no. But science is a wonderful thing. Maybe someone will invent a way to impregnate someone else just by coughing.

Cafe Fina is empty. At Caritas, Alanna and Faithful share a drink and an argument, Cameron has a quiet drink, and Orlin and Camulus discuss how easy Orlin is.

That's a bad thing, isn't John?

Very bad thing. Even the girl who looks like Rory but without the color and with the pink slippers isn't easy. Should send her some flowers, Umberto. She'd be perfect for you.

Stark opens up the clinic and Weevil visits Allie.

I should send flowers.

Go eat some lint!

Later that night, Tommy opens the clinic and springs GOB. Lilly and Allie are still in the clinic. Tommy's shoes are getting bunny hugged.

Bunnies are not as good as women, are they John?

I'm sure Mr. Gavin would prefer a woman to cuddle rather than weetinybunnies. Unless he like weetinybunnies and collects them in an obsessive sort of manner.

And that's our show for tonight. My head hurts, everyone's easy and I'm tired. Adieu.
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening and welcome to another wet and wild version of Fandom Radio with John Robert Crichton III. We won't be getting wet tonight, not dirty, and the only thing wild is the headache that is tap dancing through my skull. So, stop making out, breaking out, flaking out and staking out and listen up!

School on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

Detention today is led by...a gremlin? Did Jaye try to frisk him? Jaye/Gremlin OTP FOREVER!

Dorm Room With A View

Veronica bakes muffins and Logan...the bunny watches. Oh Logan, you're an animal again. You're really making it difficult for people to forget that moniker. Bel eats some of Veronica's muffins and gets hit by Logan. Dude, these are the dirtiest notes ever. Good grief. Callisto had a double date with a bunny and his girlfriend. Callisto, is that code for naughty naughty with my roommate? Alas, said date was cancelled.

Pip makes eyepatch jokes. I'm offended on behalf of Barbossa!

Jaye is an insomniac. Aww, insanity catching up with you, Jaye jaye? Macbeth's room gets messed up in a terrible act of villany! Walter is pranking. I hate April Fool's Day. Nadia broods. Maybe she hates April Fool's Day too. Or she hates miming dentists. Damn miming dentists! Jake and Krycek see each other.

Draco gets a letter that makes him sneeze. BIRD FLU! Oh wait, probably not. Victor waits for Walter.

Molly, Bridge, Isabel, Aeryn, Xander, Anakin, Peter, Alanna, Pippi and Rory play RISK. You guys let Aeryn play a world domination game? I laugh, I do. Aeryn broods and I left her a note that, if I can I say so, was quite cute. Allie babysits Veronica's bunny. Holy crap, that is not what it sounds like. Geez, these notes are rated R!

Bridge is out of uniform. No, that doesn't mean he was naked. Was he naked? Bridge, were you naked? Zero's a blonde now. I'd tell a blonde joke here but Zero owns a mallet. Aeryn learns about betting pools. Oh, thank you very much for that, people! Peter wants to interview Zero. I'm making no jokes here because Peter's my friend and Zero owns a mallet. By the way, does interviewing equal scrapbooking? Just randomly asking!

Xander is left speechles by Bridge in his undies. CIVVIES! I mean, civvies. Good, that means Bridge wasn't naked. Anakin offers to show Isabel how to make things fly. Hey Anakin? Can you come to Advanced Journalism with me? I know something that I'd like to see fly. And Molly tells Cam about her career as a bank robber. Ooookay...

And now a short commercial break... )

Hmm. While I find the notion of campaigning for the girlkissy event quite awesome, I do have to say, and I may be biased, that seeing Aeryn kissing Callisto would be far prettier.

Takin' You Downtown!

Allie is all alone at the FTEC in the morning. The mimes are probably sleeping. Tommy is not alone in the evening. Veronica and Angel bring in an injured Lilly.

Apparently, today is Milo's birthday. Milo? What a wimpy name. Sounds like a mime's name. Happy birthday, Milo the Mime! Camulus and Orlin, oh to hell with that, Ormulus have a relationship talk. Figure out who wears the knickers in the relationship and you'll be set, guys.

There are strange noises in the park. Maybe Milo isn't such a silent mime? Some guy named Sloane stops into Giles' shop. Seriously, is there like a dentist convention in town? 'Make your teeth white and bright and dazzling in the light!'

At Wonka's today, Edmund stops by to chat with Ivanova, Pippi checks out the joke candy, Al brings up a touchy subject to Ivanova, and Victor brings plant life. And now I feel like singing kumbayay around a campfire. Seriously.

Pip visits All and Sundries. Pip, pip, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is! Oh, sorry, got distracted. At Empire Records, Lucas is water ballooned and Victor dances to boy bands. Wow. How very manly.

And there are dentist seminars today! Tuco the dentist holds a seminar on backstabbing, Rita's seminar on Minion management. Wait, another Rita? Professor Skeeter, you have a sister? Awww, are you guys gonna get together and do your nails and hair? And someone named...Buelah holds a seminar on being a minion. Buelah? Nice name.

Someone named The Doc is a people person. Is he a dentist too?

The Perk is busy for a Saturday. Pippi has candy and coffee, Aeryn and Scorpius have a chat, someone named Tuco smacks Orlin, and a stink bomb is thrown. Mmm. Garlic-y.

Scorpius and Braca check out Blood Gulch Arms. Scorpius and Tex got together? Not dirty, by the way. And the world didn't explode? I'm surprised. Maybe Tex has a soft side after all. Marty and some guy named...Virgil hang out in Ching Tai. Hi Virgil! I bet you're an orthodonist!

Caritas is open. Cafe Fina is also open and The Major stops in for lunch. Later at Cafe Fina, Nadia has dinner with some other dentists. Lots of dentists around town.

And then there is Milo's birthday party! Cool! I bet there are a whole bunch of mimes there! The quietest birthday ever! Something's going down in Empire Record. Dude, not dirty. Who writes these notes? Are the mimes writing these? Dirty mimes! There is a symphony in the park, Nadia goes to the Arms Hotel, a chance meeting between myself and Scorpius at Jeff, God of Biscuits (we had pastries!) and a list of people hit with stink bombs appears!

And I'm making like a banana and splitting, Fandom. Go out and punch a mime.
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
As the broadcast begins, the sweet sounds of Sister Sledge's We Are Family can be heard playing in the background.

RITA!JOHN: Hello Fandom! Welcome to the Skeeter Family Power Hour of Fun, Friendship, and Fantastic Togetherness! Skeeter family? Sound off!
WILBUR!JOHN: I'm Wilbur! I'm the dad! I like peaches and pinochle!
UMBERTO!JOHN: I'm Umberto! I think my name is the best name ever. It rhymes with sombrero!
RITA!JOHN: And I'm Rita! I'm the mom! I like wool socks and cutting out coupons and making collages out of them!
RITA!WILBUR!UMBERTO!JOHN: And together, we're the Skeeter family!
UMBERTO!JOHN: Are we on the radio, Mom?
RITA!JOHN: We sure are honey bunches of pie. You're famous to everyone now. You'll always be famous in my heart!
WILBUR!JOHN: Our hearts, boy. You are the star of our hearts. Rita, of course, owns my heart.
RITA!JOHN: Oh you. I love you more then the Rogaine that I use to grow my hair back. I'd go bald for you, my love.
WILBUR!JOHN: And I you, my meadow full of flowers.
UMBERTO!JOHN: Eww, gross.


WILBUR!JOHN: I've purchased us some goodies, Rita. They're just waiting for us in the broom closet!
RITA!JOHN: Oh, delightful. Umberto, be a good boy and go clean out my desk in my classroom.
UMBERTO!JOHN: Sure, fine. I like boys.
RITA!WILBUR!JOHN: Yes, we like toys too.
RITA!JOHN: Good night, Fandom. I hope you have as much fun and togetherness as Wilby and I are about to!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
OBERON: Ill met by moonlight, proud Crichton
JOHN: Lee, we always meet at this time every Saturday, dude, what's the deal?
OBERON: Tarry, rash wanton! Am I not --
JOHN: -- Oh, I get it, you're still in Shakespeare mode, I dig. Forsooth. Yeah.
OBERON: Must I always be surrounded by idiots?
JOHN: Dude, this is Fandom.
OBERON: Of all the places in the world to visit, I had to travel here...
JOHN: You okay, man? You look a little pale...
JOHN: And .... weeeeeeelcome, ladies and gentlemen to Fandom Radio, hosted by John Crichton and Some Evil Dude Possessing my Best Friend
OBERON:...how did you figure that out?


JOHN: Today's Punishment for Naughty Children was attended by the brave sir Professor Tick and was thusly attended by one Magnificent Molly Hayes and Captain Cameron of the Tightpantstania. Jaye, the loyal court jester, doth showeth up later for reasons that remain unknown.


JOHN: Forsooth, Vice Principal Pierce doth returneth from parts unknown. Thusly, he taketh a showereth. Voila! Later in the time of the stars in the sky, Vice Principal Pierce thus meeteh with Admiral Harrington. Lana and Pip worketh out in the gym whereupon the muscles of thy flesh shall...bulk up!

OBERON: Foolish mortals. So pitiful in their activities.

JOHN: Yeseth. Lady Allie doth sit alone in the clinic. Woe. Her pain and suffering must be great. In the evening, Duke Thomas Gavin doth receives a visitor!

OBERON: The visitor was not me!

JOHN: I didn't say it was! Dame Callisto doth bringeth Angel some gifts of green. Rory of Caffeine visits Angel to maketh him eat the food of her bosom. No, wait. The food of his need. No, wait. Dammit.

OBERON: You...are boring me.

JOHN: Apologies. Zero leaveth Parker of Petunias a note. I am told said note was very sentimental. I would cry but I cannot. Alas. This all occurs, of course, whence upon Zero waketh upeth on the beacheth.

OBERON: Such a pitiful example of a human being.

JOHN: Stop being so damn mean. Sir Krycek and Count Jake wake up and lo, behold the extra person residing in the bed of their love. Walter of the Lakes giveth Lady Ivanova an updated on Victor, forsooth. Alas. Behold. Eureka. Lee of Gleevenville hereafter leaves Countess Kara a message. Myself, I conversed with Lady Aeryn of the Squires on the roof whereafter the cold doth did not affect us.

OBERON: You are weak for cold weather to bother you in such a way!

JOHN: Alas, twas cold! And Knight Cameron doth receiveth a phone calleth. Lord Logan and Veronica of the Vendettas do so converse about the fretful elements of the performance theatre. Zero, a quite popular lady in today's broadcast, receiveth a note and some clovers. Post haste, she doth go visit Peter of the Pumpkineaters. As the evening wears on, as the hearts of mortal men begin their descent into the exotic state of dreams, Fair Bridge of Estonia gather a horde of students to partake in an adventure so dangerous, so terrifying that...it can only be contained to the sixth floor. Lady Xander of Canada, Dame Rory of Endorina, Molly of the MooGooGaiPans, Lordess Lyta of Luckyville, Duke Hamlet of ScrambledEggs, Sister Sharon of the Sheraton Covent for Naughty Children, Marty the Madgrigal who doth singeth to us all, and the lovely Aeryn Sun accompany Fair Bridge to the perilous sixth floor.

OBERON: Perhaps everyone at this school is not at as weak as I once thought.

JOHN: Correcteth. Archduke Angel of the Angelina Islands and his lady love, the noble Amazon Callisto doth meeteth after the performance theatre.


JOHN: The Shop of the Wonka is doth opened by Ivanova of the Itch and her mortal hangover. Be well, sweet Ivanova. The moving screen building remains empty save for one brave mortal soul who doth brave the battlefields to procure some...popcorn. Lady Jaye of Flingenation Village visits the house of the All and Sundries to barter for goods that include tomatoes, a sweet vegetable, and glitter of green. Jay and Silent Robert are doth invitedeth to the performance of the theatre. They thus decline the offer.

Mercilessly, Cafe Fina and Caritas remaineth unattended.


OBERON: Now whose idea it was for the fair children of Fandom to perform the most excellent comedy of Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare, I know not, but it proved to be quite a night of frivolity and farce with a touch of pandemonium.

JOHN: And you were, like, the king of the fairies, right? *snicker*

OBERON: Mock me not, or you shall feel my sword.

JOHN: You did not just say that, Lee.

OBERON: In fact, I did.

JOHN: You are such a fairy!

OBERON: Why of course I am.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: Before the play begun, cast members hopped as light as bird from brier before a full host of fairies arrived to possess their chosen human steeds...

JOHN: Steeds?

OBERON: And in my case, a stallion.

JOHN: ... you did not just say that about yourself on radio.

OBERON: Act One, Scene One featured the dealings of Theseus and the disgruntled lovers in Athens followed by Scene Two in which the rude mechanicals planned their merry play-within-a-play. The fairy court appeared in the depths of the woods in Athens in Act Two, Scene One followed by the morals arriving in Scene Two. Act Three, Scene One united the fairy queen with an ass while Scene Two made the fairy king look like an ass as his plot disintegrated into farce.

As for what happened in Act Four and Act Five, I leave to your very capable imagination.

JOHN: Can I guess 'orgy'?

OBERON: John Crichton for the win.

JOHN: Do I get a pony?

OBERON: How about three wishes?

JOHN: Yeah right.

OBERON: I'm serious.

JOHN: Okay, since the pony's out... two bean burritos, a cartoon channel that only showed 'The Simpsons' and I want to be a hot gay cowboy for a day. For real.


JOHN: OH MY GOD, where did those two bean burritos come from?!

OBERON: The channel will be number 42 on your television and you will be a gay cowboy this Tuesday. Hotness and cowboy hat optional.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: And to return to the story at hand... the Tech booth was filled with handsome women and backstage was filled with the usual angst.

JOHN: Sounds like a proper theater production.

OBERON: Indeed.

Your most excellent self and Jake sold tickets as well as food and drink to the fair audience members of our play.

At the end of Act Three, anarchy descended upon the play in the form of one Sam Carter burinating the tech booth. I did my best to add to the mischief at hand.

JOHN: Dirty.

OBERON: Intermission featured much backstage drama including my Queen and the Lord of Shapes reminiscing on the past.

And much else occurred on our fair stage, but the eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what all happened this evening.

JOHN: And that's all the news tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
OBERON: *sigh* Lord, what fools these mortals be.
JOHN: You've been waiting all night to say that, haven't you?
LEE: Shut up, John -- oh my god, I'm back!
JOHN: What?
JOHN: ... Yeah, kid, you are. Now stop holding me like someone broken ... NIGHT FOLKS!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
RITA!JOHN: Good evening children and welcome, yet again, to another edition of Fandom Radio. I am Professor Miss Blonde Haired, Bespectacled, Magically Inclined, Journalistic Rita Skeeter.
LEE: Dude...again?
RITA!JOHN: I honestly do not know what you are talking about dear boy. Also, have you gained weight?
LEE:...shut up!

The Pit Of Vulgar Sexual Festivities Where All The Happy Children Live!

LEE: Susan freed all the emo from the balcony with a positive attitude and a couple cups of coffee. Thereby proving that coffee is as gods.

Sammy, personal property of Kara ThraceAnders made a delicious breakfast and Cally offered to share her perfect man with the lovely Miss Thrace. *coughs* Hrm.

RITA!JOHN: Ah, children and their hedonistic tendencies. I swear that I never was like that when I was your age.

LEE: Dude, you are my age.

Speaking of hedonism, however, there was a great celebration in honor of Nadia's birthday.

LEE: I just want to be perfectly clear on this -- Cameron and Molly are not sleeping together.

RITA!JOHN: ...wait, what?

LEE: I just wanted to be perfectly clear on that point. Also, Veronica and Xander sent emails. Nadia and Veronica hung out. Parker and Isabel had very lucid dreams. Janet got a call from Veronica. Angela spoke to her mom and came home to discover considerable CARNAGE from a battle of the teddy bears.

RITA!JOHN: *sing songs* 'If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise...'

LEE: John. Just frakkin' stop.

Dorkface gave up books for boozing it up with me tonight. And Marty went into the woods to find a gift for Nadia. BE CAREFUL, MARTY! You never know what evil robotic kidnapping bitch awaits you under the cover of dark trees and small bushes!!


LEE: According to my notes, there's a party in your room tonight --

RITA!JOHN: I do not know of any party occuring in my boudoir.

LEE: 238. Stop by. Bring booze.

The Best Town In the World Because I Happen To Live There!

RITA!JOHN: All and Sundries is open. How very cute. Has my age defying cream come in? You know, it takes a lot of foundation, surgery, and magic to look this good at age 57! While at All and Sundries, Veronica and Pip buy turnips. Does that work on skin, dears? I'll do anything to eliminate my wrinkles! Pippi is looking for party decorations and helps name Edmund's puppy. Later, Walter joins her. How terribly unexciting. You bore me. Ivanova, dear? Stop bouncing? You're giving me motion sickness. And what? No present for me? Edmund receives a present and all I receive is papers from my Wilbur asking for a divorce and half our estates? I need some Prozac. Orlin also visits All and Sundries. Honestly, is this shop the equivalent of a clown car? Shove as many people in there as possible and let them bump around?

RITA!JOHN: Cafe Fina is open. No one is visiting. I guess everyone is busy eating their Hungry Man dinner and watching Wheel of Fortune. How very typical. Does anyone have a Zantac? I had beans earlier and they refuse to agree with my stomach. Indigestion and Rita Skeeter do not agree.

LEE: Dude, this booth is small. If you let one loose...

RITA!JOHN: Skeeter's do not "let one loose", boy. Skeeter's expel gaseous components in order to cleanse their bodies.

RITA!JOHN: Caritas is open but remains without customers. I bet it's due to that lovely GOB boy not being there. A strapping young lad such as him should be kept in front of the customers so I...I mean any lovely lady can view that merchandise. What? I am a woman with needs!

CJ stops into the Perk and purchases coffee for Tommy Gavin. I don't believe I've met this man as of yet? Thomas? Call me? Rita likes coffee too!

LEE: I brought you coffee!

RITA!JOHN: You are just a boy. Though, you do look an awful lot like my Wilbur. Tell me, how old are you?

LEE: Um...

RITA!JOHN: You have my Wilbur's nose. My son, Umberto, could be your twin.

LEE: Um...

RITA!JOHN: Lee....I am your mother. Also, Giles is quite happy about Angel being on the mend. I am too, dear boy. We all love angels.

LEE: No, Angel.

RITA!JOHN: Do not correct your biological mother, Lee Gideon Skeeter. I have half a mind to take you over my knee and give you a spanking.

LEE: Seek help.

RITA!JOHN: Orlin fixes things. How very boring. Today, I knitted myself a pair of socks with kittens on the sides. Isn't that much more exciting then hearing about someone's adventures shopping? Jarod, that dashing lad, is recovering from his sickness as well. Camulus and Orlin get together again. Honestly, Fandom is nothing more then a breeding ground for sexual activities galore. It's a wonder any work gets done around here.

LEE: You have two kids...

RITA!JOHN: Three, sweet Lee Gideon Skeeter.

LEE: Whatever. You had to um...

RITA!JOHN: No, I did not. My children were hatched from eggs. And Daniel Jackson is in love with his books. Invite me to the wedding, dear.

The Clinic Where Far Too Much Happened For My Wee Brain

RITA!JOHN: When did the clinic become such a hotbed of activity? You would think that a famous senior citizen such as myself was signing autographs! Anyway, Logan goes home sometime this afternoon. How sweet, he spent the night. Did Angel and Logan have a slumber party? Did they tell stories of their sexual conquests? Christian allows Belthazor to feed Angel. I will not be touching that with a thirty foot pole. Lana meets Christian and helps clean the clinic. Such a nice girl. Too bad she's probably dreadfully dull.

LEE: You're really mean.

RITA!JOHN: And you're looking slightly plump. Alanna stops in to see Angel. Rory Gilmore visits Angel as well. And, thankfully, she is not crying. Crying is very unattractive, Miss Gilmore. It makes you look like a drowned rat. Molly visits Angel as well.

LEE: Angel got a lot of visitors.

RITA!JOHN: I need some Midol.

LEE: What?

RITA!JOHN: Before leaving the clinic, Logan and Angel discuss why Logan went alpha last night. Mr. Thazor follows through and feeds Angel. How sweet. If I had tear ducts, I think I might produce a tear. Lana sits with Angel. She just sits with him? Honestly, children at this school are so very unproductive. You could've cooked a nice dish of poached eggs for him! Rory and Angel become disgustingly mushy.

LEE: Missing Wilbur?

RITA!JOHN: He never held me like that! Alanna gives Angel something to read. Whoo hoo. Angel's excitement must've been through the roof at that. Veronica and Angel are relieved. And, children, I listened to the radio yesteray. When will the wedding occur? Phoebe and Angel discuss Mr. Thazor. And my feet are cold.

LEE: Need a blanket?

RITA!JOHN: No, I need a Xanax. Apparently, Miss Hayes is the cutest thing ever. I did not vote for her in that category. My vote went to that bastion of goodness, John Crichton. Miss Parker and Angel are also relieve with each other. Tell me, don't you think those two crazy kids would make a delightfully explosive couple? Someone set them up! Callistie tells Angel she was worried for him. Children, did I tell you about the vacation I went on to Barbados? I didn't? Well, I went to Barbados and couldn't wear a swimsuit because I was incredibly pale. Wasn't that more exciting then Callistie talk? Miss Chase also checks up on Angel. You children care too much! Stop it! You are giving me a migraine!

LEE: Tyenol?

RITA!JOHN: Eat some chicken! That night at the Fandom Town Emergency Clinic, Miss Backtalky gets an excuse note for Angel. Dr. Lambert is Canadian as so pointed out by Thomas Gavin. How helpful he is. Thomas? Call me! Schizophrenic John is attempting to cheer Angel up. You children never stop, do you? Go to bed! Angel becomes incredibly stubborn and tries to convince Janet into letting him go home. Miss Gilmore returns to the clinic but, since Angel is being sent home, failed in her mission. I'm devastated, I am. Miss Gilmore also talks about sex between animals. Perhaps she should be taking the Xanax. And finally, Angel is sent home. Whoo hoo.

RITA!JOHN: You children talk entirely too much. You've given me a migraine and I have a bunion on my foot. Go to sleep!
LEE: You can't tell everyone what to do.
RITA!JOHN: Come give mommy a kiss!
LEE: Save me!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
JOHN: Good evening folks and welcome to this week's edition of Fandom Radio through the eyes of Lee Gideon Adama and John Robert Crichton.
LEE: Dude, did you have to use the middle names?
JOHN: I did. It was either that or I was gonna cover you in bees.
LEE: Dude, what?
JOHN: Hey, we gotta keep the act fresh. Bees next week, folks!
LEE: Seriously, no middle names.
JOHN: You know what would be cool? If your middle name was Megatron. Lee Megatron Adama.
LEE: Dude...that actually does sound kinda cool.

School on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

LEE: Detention today was attended by Peter Parker Picked a Pack of Pickled Peppers, Paige Matthews, Piper Halliwell, Draco Malfoy, and Lilly Kane. Detention was run by Rory's mom!

JOHN: She has a name, dude.

LEE: Rory's mom is a perfectly fine description for her.

JOHN: You know, Professor Skeeter has kids, man.

LEE: Really? Does she turn them into animals?

JOHN: Dunno. But, I've figured it. Professor Skeeter only turns me into animals because she is substituting me for her long lost children. Me being there brings out her maternal instinct and allows that mothering part of her to come out and take over. Dude, she was actually awww'ing at me last week.

LEE: That's a good thing?

JOHN: Very good thing. Soon, the school will be calling her Grandma Skeeter. It's an affectionate nickname in the making!

LEE: Also, people who are leaving fair Fandom for Spring Break have one last hurrah at the front gates. Safe travels everyone!

Dorm Room With a View

JOHN: Al puppy sat for Walter today.

LEE: John, I think I've figured out the way to a woman's heart.

JOHN: With toast and jelly?

LEE: Well, yes, toast is always in the cards but sweet, little animals always seem to attract women.

JOHN: And men!

LEE:...I'm not gay!

JOHN: Are you a BAMF?

LEE Dude, not gay!

JOHN: Of course you're not because, apparently, Kara and yourself we're playing in an R rated way.

LEE: We were studying!

JOHN: Yeah, studying...each other's skin!

LEE: Idiot.

JOHN: Gideon!

Aeryn was in the gym today. She was visited by Cameron and Molly. Yeah.

LEE: What's wrong there, John?

JOHN: Indigestion.

LEE: Need a bathroom break?

JOHN: Nope. Hand me a Tums though.

LEE: Edward is, apparently, hiding on the roof. So, everyone, go visit Ed on the roof!

JOHN: Izzy is like a wind up toy today in that she's all over the dorms, getting stuff done. First, she put up posters for the upcoming Baltimore trip. She was also in the first floor lobby to chat with Peter Peter the Pumpkin Eater.

LEE: Anders, in his quest for World Cupcake Domination, is making more cupcakes. Bridge, who Rory and Jaye think is cute, comes to visit.

JOHN: Macbeth is...doing something about his timeline. I'm not entirely sure. Can I just make something up? Okay, today, Macbeth was dancing a jig in a kilt! Victor gets a gift and I got some bad news when Veronica stopped by and told me Angel was sick.

LEE: Angel's sick?

JOHN: Yeah, he's sick. I don't think it was a tire.

LEE: Dude, are you on drugs?

JOHN: No, I'm not. Just say no to drugs, kids! Also, when you got out at night, be safe and be careful.

Takin You Downtown!

JOHN: Lana and Phoebe make with the small talk down on the rocks. Hey Phoebe? Congrats on the being back together with Bel, the real Bel, thing!

LEE: The monochromatic madam opens up the Sin. GOB promptly comes to visit.

JOHN: GOB? Dude, he sounds like a peanut.

LEE: How do you think he tastes?

JOHN: Dude. You can think about that little fantasy and I'll be over here eating more Tums.

LEE: That absolute teddy bear of love, Tex opens up Blood Gulch Arms for the Gun Club.

JOHN: Yeah, she's about as sweet as a root canal.

LEE: Well, she's...trying?

JOHN: I think I wanna cover her in bees under the pale moonlight.

Orlin visits the park. No one visits Orlin.

LEE: Imaginary friends, dude. That's the way to make sure you are never without a friend.

JOHN: You have an imaginary friend?

LEE: Yep. Name's Pierre LaFontaine. You have one?

JOHN: Um...dammit. Yeah. Larry the Ice Cream Guy.

Cafe Fina is open yay! Molly heads to Jeff, God of Biscuits and meets up with Blair and there is much cuteness.

LEE: Why aren't we that cute anymore?

JOHN: Because you've stopped shaving your legs.

LEE: I'm a guy!

JOHN: Shave your legs and we'll talk about being cute again.

LEE: Caritas is open and, like a moth to the flame, Orlin visits.

JOHN: Guess he didn't take the imaginary friend advice.

LEE: Too bad. He'll regret it eventually.

JOHN: And, proving that not having imaginary friends drives you to go EVERYWHERE in town, Orlin also visits Empire Records and Bidet and chats with Lucas.

LEE: Down at the clinic, Veronica, that sassy blonde, brings clothing for Angel and Callisto and then frets at Dr. Not-Bel.

JOHN: Veronica brought Callisto some of Aeryn's clothes.

LEE: Who gave Veronica Aeryn's clothes?

JOHN: I did.

LEE:...why do you have Aeryn's clothes?

JOHN: Because, um, they're comfortable.

LEE: You've been wearing them?


LEE: Sure, dude. Whatever.

Angel's still not feeling well that evening and CJ swings by the clinic.

LEE: And that's all we have for tonight fine folks. Hope to see you again soon!
JOHN: You wanna see all of them again?
LEE: Of course, John, everyone is very nice here in Fandom.
JOHN: Would they all fit in your bed?
LEE: I...what?
JOHN: Party in Lee's bed in three hours! Bring your own pillow! Night!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
JOHN: Hello and welcome again to Fandom Radio. It's Saturday Night and you know what that means...
LEE: You're finally letting me move in?
JOHN: Get a new a line! No, it's time for Fandom Radio with John and Lee, the two most heterosexual guys in Fandom.
LEE: And we're good looking.
JOHN: Definitely good looking!
LEE: I'm glad to see you're not Wilbur this week.
JOHN: I was never Wilbur!
LEE: But last week!
JOHN: Quiet Adama! Itra Keetersa is probably listening!
LEE: ...

School on Saturday? Surely You Jest!

JOHN: Today's detention was held courtesy of Constable Benton Fraser and his awesome hat.

LEE: I have yet to see or wear the hat.

JOHN: I haven't worn the hat either.

LEE: Is it a special hat? Does it make you grow?

JOHN: Not in the places that matter...

Dorm Room With A View

LEE: My good friend Xander took a great deal of time in front of his dressing mirror this morning before detention. I do wonder why, though. I've always thought he looks quite nice.

JOHN: Yeah, and Pippi ate her quilt.

LEE: No, seriously. I think Xander looks fine without spending an unusually long time figuring out his wardrobe for the day.

JOHN: No, really she ate her quilt. And Maia did things with play-doh.

LEE: Dude. I was serious about Xander, John.

JOHN: Drop it, Adama.

LEE: Anyway, Elizabeth wrote in her dream journal. About you.

JOHN: Really?! *rustle of papers*

LEE: Yup. She really digs you, man. And Walter and Victor discussed their abnormalities. And Walter hummed.

JOHN: Is that a euphemism?

LEE: And while Cam and Jaye got a little hot and heavy after their non-date, the lovely Miss Parker wrote dull and boring sexless letters and Nadia studied. You comforted Rory in her Skywalkerless distress, which was quite nice of you, buddy.

JOHN: Why, thank you.

LEE: Just be careful. A woman without her man can be dangerous.

JOHN: What crack are you smoking, dude?

LEE: Hopefully not the crack that Cordy's smoking.

JOHN: Point.

LEE: Also, in preperation for our Shakespearian debut, Callisto and Pip worked on their lines, as did myself and Parker, with Sam watching.

JOHN: Dirty!

LEE: You can watch next time.

LEE: This morning in the common rooms -- Isabel got to see Mac's incredible tortilla-making powers. Connor surfed the 'net. Logan received a thorough licking...

JOHN:... but not from Veronica.

LEE: Aformentioned Lady of Mars did chat with Logan and Angel all secret-like before Anders chatted with Angel about sweet sweet love. Later, Veronica got the low down on Anders' boykissing while Angel and Cally talk about the kissing habits of marine animals.

JOHN: Secrets, love, boykissing and fish.

LEE: I gotta get out of my room more.

Isabel chatted with Cally about some far off land called "New Mexico" and then with Angel about some story about toys. And Jake sat on Logan.

JOHN: Did Logan make it?

LEE: This is Jake we're talking about. If you had sat on Logan, he would have died instantly.

JOHN: I hate you.

LEE: Not as much as some warrior fish despise the lovely Rory Gilmore.

JOHN: ...what?!

LEE: Dude, it's Fandom.

And in the common rooms this evening, there is movie watching on the fourth floor with Isabel, Lana and Mac while the second floor is more subdued with Bridge, Elizabeth, Angela and Marty hanging out.

JOHN: Don't forget Callynanders.

LEE: Oh. Sorry. Yes. Anders is wielding cupcake mix. BEWARE.

Takin' You Downtown!

JOHN: Down at the ole theatre, something called Frankenfish is playing. While I have no idea what that is, it does sound like a nickname Professor Skeeter might've had as a wee youth in college. Any former classmates of Professor Skeeter's out there, give me a call!

Jaye and Cameron decide to get together later tonight and do things that are R rated and not suitable for radio. Also, Mitchell? Watch Jaye's hands, dude. They are cold and they wander!

LEE: How do you know that?"

JOHN: She frisked me once. I thought she was coming onto me.

LEE: She wasn't?

JOHN: For Jaye? That was normal, methinks.

Elsewhere in the theatre, Mary and Angela decide Frankenfish is an arthouse film. And I have no idea what that means. Later though, they decide it is not an arthouse film.

JOHN: Angela, who's very busy in town today, heads over to All and Sundries and buys a scarf. She also has her eyes on a robot dog. Angela, if you buy the dog, name him Wilbur!

LEE: Dude, why?

JOHN: Because it will keep dear Wilbur's memory close to our hearts.

Anders also visits All and Sundries for some cupcake mix. Awww, how sweet. That Anders is quite the catch.

LEE: Dude!

JOHN: What? I don't mean that in anyway other than that he's a good catch. I don't wanna date him or see him naked or anything!

LEE: Dude, stop it now!

JOHN: Orlin has a chat with Dr. Jackson in the Perk. Giles is doing some research. Hey man, take a break! It's the weekend. Go down to Caritas, have a drink and sing one of those classic songs from Top Gun for your lady!

Agatha wakes up pink. Okay... Agatha? Did you lick a frog last night? Dr. Lambert tries to figure out why Agatha is pink. Dude, she might've licked a frog!

Crowley wakes up in bed with both Phoebe and Kiki.

LEE: I thought Phoebe was with the guy who isn't the doctor at the clinic?

JOHN: Dunno man. Trouble in paradise?

Cafe Fina is open! At Caritas, Phoebe sings. Was it a Top Gun song?

LEE: What is with your sudden obsession?


Also at Caritas, Vala gets a drink and, apparently, it tastes rather bad. I once saw this news special on restaurants-

LEE: Just stop it right there!

JOHN: Okay. Lorne has no idea what Vala's talking about. Maybe she licked the frog too. Weevil gets propositiond by Quark..oh wait, he's get a JOB proposition from Quark. Okay, that makes more sense. And Bel and Phoebe gets some things straight. So, together or not? C'mon guys, tell the world!

LEE: And in the Clinic of Love, we have sweet Lilly and the handsome Dr. Not-Belthazor attempting to get into each other's pants.

JOHN: Are you sure that's what the notes said?

LEE: But no one tried to get into Mr. Gavin's pants.

JOHN: I have the funny feeling that you need to get laid, Adama.

LEE: I think you have the funny feeling IN YOUR PANTS.

JOHN: ...my point exactly.

LEE: And that's all we have for you tonight, sweet ladies and gentlemen.
JOHN: Not all of them are sweet, Lee.
LEE: It's just a line, John. Don't ruin the line.
JOHN: But, it's true. Some people are mean and some are rude and some of them turn me into animals or hats for no good reason.
LEE: Maybe Professor Skeeter will turn you into a jockstrap next.
JOHN: ...I will kill you for saying that on air.
LEE: Bye folks!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Written by [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod and [livejournal.com profile] leeadama

*the beautiful sound of yet another beer being opened*

LEE: Hello, Fandom! This is Lee Adama
WILBUR!JOHN: And Mr. Wilbur Rufus Skeeter.
LEE: *pause* And John Crichton.
LEE: Well, now that I think about it, you are looking quite dashing today…Wilbur.
WILBUR!JOHN: Why, thank you.
LEE: You look quite Starfleet-commanderly, actually.
WILBUR!JOHN: So do you, good sir.
LEE: Ah, you flatter me, handsome.
WILBUR!JOHN: Down the hatch.

*pause for drinking*

LEE: This drink is quite nice. It reminds me of the juice of Gemenese wild—
WILBUR!JOHN: Just drink it, Lee.
LEE: Right-o.
LEE: …huh?

Classes on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

LEE: According to my notes, Dr. Carter's planning certain evil about twelve planets I care quite a lot about.

WILBUR!JOHN: This is light beer right? I can't afford to gain any extra weight.

LEE: I hate you, Crichton.


LEE: ...And Charlie was in his office on a Saturday. Which is just plain weird. GET A LIFE. And stop that freakin' bitch from attacking my planets, plz!

WILBUR!JOHN: No, seriously, Lee. Do you think I'm fat?

Detention today, was run by Professor Pierson, who is not nearly as dashing as my Professor of Perpetual Passion, Rita Skeeter. Rita my love, I'm in town! Dinner? Regardless, Boone, Logan, and Tog...Toga...Bill had detention this fine Saturday.


WILBUR!JOHN: My name is Wilbur, Lee.

LEE: I'm refering to the most awesome auditions for Midsummer Night's Dream. Which according to my notes, you didn't try out for it, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ree Ree doesn't like me to be in the limelight.

LEE: Right.

WILBUR!JOHN: So what kind of pansy tried out for that play?

LEE: Not me.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ha, you're such a fairy.

LEE: A commanding fairy, bitch.

WILBUR!JOHN: So, seriously, who tried out?

LEE: Pippi, Nadia, John Sheppard, Han Solo, Xander, Quinn, Blair, Pip, Macbeth, the fairest of all Maureens, Alanna, some punk, Molly, Rose, Hamlet, Lana, Zero, Callisto, Cally, Kawalsky, and CameronAllie.


LEE: I really hate you, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Actually, I was thinking of what kind of flower to plant in front of Ree Ree's house this spring, Lee. I wasn't meaning to say something derogatory about those who appreciate the fine arts of the theater. But now that you mention it...

LEE: Shut up...Mr. Skeeter.


LEE: Also, Jaye tried to perfect the dance move of 'jazz hands' but perhaps Mr. Kennedy would know best. She and Macbeth also watched the lovely Miss Parker try out. Snarking at other's expense continued as well as some good old fashioned gossiping. I'm not surprised that a shrub arrived, as this is Fandom, but I hope someone watered it. Cally also arrived, being quite herself today.

Dorm Room With A View

WILBUR!JOHN: Cam and Isabel spend time sparring in the gym. Sparring? I do believe my pookie and I used to spar when we were young and in love. I don't know what happened to us. I've tried calling, I've tried writing, I've tried everything. My pookie...

Cam and Parker, who looks a lot like my Ree Ree at a younger age, miss Aeryn. We all do, dear students, we all do. Walter proves to be quite the culinary genius as he prepared breakfast for Pippi, Nadia, Pip and Blair. My beloved, my sweet Rita Bo Bita, used to enjoy eggs over easy in bed. It's been so long since I've cooked for her.

LEE: I can cook...

WILBUR!JOHN: Nobody asked you, boy!

WILBUR!JOHN: In the fourth floor common room, Shep, Lana, and Han do something called hanging out. Hanging out? Please tell me they were all wearing their clothing and not actually hanging out. Elsewhere, Whorey? Rory? I'm terribly sorry for that blunder. A kind benefactor has been mailing me tapes of my beloved's broadcast and I've heard her call Miss Gilmore, Whorey. I wanted to be as one with her. Anyway, Miss Gilmore apparently Netflixes something quite entertaining.

LEE: What's a Netflix?

WILBUR!JOHN: Sounds like some odd sexual contraption. Rory and Peter begin to wonder if Miss Gilmore's father has a secret acting career. I once told my sweet Rita that she could go into acting. She failed to believe me. I was crushed...again.

Callisto apparently wore a cheerleading uniform and auditioned for some bloody play. Really, who cares? Where is the news of my fair Rita? Angela orders food. Did you order scones, children? Rita likes scones. And veal. Scones with veal. It's quite the delicacy where we're from.

LEE: Can I try some scones with veal?

WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so.

Marty brings Rory a present. Dearest Rita? Professor of my heart? I have a present for you as well. Please, call me!

WILBUR!JOHN: Lyta wakes up in the middle of the night. Why is this news? Honestly, the things this school reports. Excuse me, I got a hangnail today. Put that on the telly, please! Jake ruin's Angel's clothes. Now that's just mean, man. You never touch a man's clothing. The clothing makes the man. Just ask my Rita who loves my violet velvet jumpsuit.

LEE: Violet velvet...

WILBUR!JOHN: I'm wearing it right now, dear boy. Don't close your eyes! Don't make that gagging face!

Later, Angel discovers his clothing. Everybody need some color in their lives, boy! Put on that pink shirt and impress your lady! Xander is not in his room. Whoopity doo. Honestly, you're boring me with this incessant nonsense. Tell me something important. Did my Ree Ree smile today? Cally has breasts. I have come to the conclusion that this school is a warped pit of sexual festivities.

LEE: Isn't it great?

WILBUR!JOHN: Anders and Bridge have changed back into themselves. Yes, because impersonating someone else is just wrong and bad. *pause* Anyway, very good boys. I do hope you remain in your bodies and with your hands to yourselves. All sorts of venereal disease going around these days.

LEE: Venereal what?

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not interrupt me when I am speaking!

Elizabeth is returning home for an unspecified amount of time. I wish you well in your travels, Elizabeth. Veronica helps Jake with his evil plan. Evil plan? Honestly, what ever happened to the days of playing hop scotch in the alley? My dearest Rita was a hop scotch champion in her younger ears. Time...and age has faded that ability.

Cam yells at Blair. The last time I spoke to my curly haired bringer of happiness, she was also yelling at me. I've done nothing wrong, Rita. Come back to me!

LEE: Dude, you sound pretty desperate.

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not speak to your elders in that manner, young man!

Callisto visit Archie. Also, my nose itches. Aren't you excited? No? Then you feel exactly the same way I do.

Takin' You Downtown!

WILBUR: JOHN: Today, in the clinic, Granny deals with Tommy. And all of you should know that my Rita will be the most beautiful grandmother ever in about five years. Yes, Rita, we're having to be grandparents!

LEE: Congratulations.

WILBUR!JOHN: Thank you dear boy! I am most happy!

Trevor comes to the clinic looking for work. If you can't find work there, laddie, let me know and I'll put in a good word for you at my Rita's favorite bratwurst deli in town. Han comes to the clinic to have his stitches removed. Honestly, dear boy, be a man and just rip them out. That's how I impressed my dear Rita.

LEE: Orlin worked on technological projects. I think Dr. Carter should pay more attention to him than my homeworlds.

WILBUR!JOHN: Have you ever named a Battlestar 'Enterprise'?

LEE: Something really frakked up happened waaaaay late last night or early this morning between Nadia, Pippi and Artie.

WILBUR!JOHN: Strange like how your pants are totally missing?

LEE: Strange like how my pants are on your head.

WILBUR!JOHN: Sweet Rita, he lies!

LEE: Anyway, Nadia and Pippi apparently stayed the night at Artie's. Wow. I didn't know Artie liked them young. And apparently they can really kick some ass so... hrm.

WILBUR!JOHN: You should see if they take cash.

LEE: What?


LEE: ...Anyway, Batou was working faithfully at Sanctity and Orlin was productive with the ducks.

WILBUR!JOHN: ...what the hell?

LEE: Language, John!


LEE: That's not what you said last night.

WILBUR!JOHN: Shut up, Adama.

LEE: And Bel and Agatha visited him. There might have been kissing.

WILBUR!JOHN: I miss kissing.

LEE: Professor Skeeter doesn't put out then?

WILBUR!JOHN: She's had a headache for seven years now.

LEE: ...sucks, man.

WILBUR!JOHN: You single?

LEE: I'm going to pretend you didn't offer. Orlin and Lucas conversed at the excellent establishment of Empire Records. And the fair Miss Tonks was distracted whilst working at Wonka's Sweet Shoppe.

WILBUR!JOHN: Lorne returns to the hallowed grounds of Caritas. My fellow deli owner, Kirk, did it better. He knew how to make a grand entrance! And Caritas is open!

WILBUR!JOHN: And that, my dearest friends, is all we have for tonight. Bloody hell, you lot are boring.
LEE: Stop calling us that, you idiot.
WILBUR!JOHN: You dare call your superior officer an idiot?
LEE: Got a problem with that?
WILBUR!JOHN: As a matter of fact, I do.
LEE: Do something about it, old man.
WILBUR!JOHN: I shall subject you to many, many hours of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. It's Ree Ree's favorite television show. It made me want to drive an ice pick through my eye.
LEE: You're...gonna do that to me? Sweet Lee?
WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so!
[identity profile] whitedeathpod.livejournal.com
Good evening fine folks of Fandom and welcome to Saturday's edition of Fandom Radio. I'm John Crichton, coming at you live from the Crow's Nest II. My partner in crime, Lee Adama, seems to have mysteriously vanished. I've tried leaving out pieces of toast, I've tried dumping his hair care products down the drain but have gotten no response. If you're out there Lee, I hope you're okay. We can work it out, buddy!

Also, what's with the hair all over the instruments? Professor Skeeter did the broadcast last night, right? Dude, she's shedding gray hair all over the place! The last time she saw thirty six was 1836!

Classes on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

And no, you can't call me Shirley.

Professor Tick receives a package. New spandex? Possibly a different color? Professor, I think you'd look great in red or purple. Maybe a nice polka dotted number? What about pin striped? Are stripes the one that makes you look thin or fat? Not that you're fat, Professor, I'm just wondering.

The Gun Club meets. Sam, Aeryn, Parkie, Marty, Pippi, Cam all attend. Weapons on Saturdays. It's frightening how many women handle heavy weaponry at this school. I can only imagine what would happen if they had a weapon in their hands when it's that time of...*shuffling papers* Let's move on, shall we?

Detention was held today. Professor Dream led detention and it was attended by Nadia, Hamlet, Janet and myself. There was the creation of art projects and an essay on a creature of our choosing. If anyone wants to know, I chose a meerkat because I wanted to know what the heck I actually was last class. And stop giving Professor Mrs. My Hair is a Wig ideas about animals!

Dorm Room with a View

Xander sends drunken email. Also, next time you see Xander? Ask about his sordid custard secrets. Just do it. Tell him John sent you and knows he stole the Twinkies. Faithful stops by to see Angel. Veronica reflects in the shower. Personally, I prefer singing. Aretha Franklin or Diana Ross or something loud and proud. And no, that does not make me gay. Just means I have style!

Belthazor's made a list and he's checking it twice. Gonna find out who's naughty and nice. Belthazor Claus is coming to town! Ahem. What, just because the holiday's over doesn't mean the spirit has to end! Angela made drunken phone calls. I checked my voicemail this morning and there was no ferret sex message. Thank goodness.

Alphonse gets a puppy. Cute! Puppies make everything better. Xander is so very hungover. Poor guy. Blend some Twinkies, put them in a glass and let Xander drink. He'll be allll better after that. Jaye, Peter and Rory sends emails. And none of them were to me! My inbox is empty save for some Viagra spam thing and someone wanting my bank account numbers! By the way, I don't need Viagra thank you very much! Cam's dad calls him and Jaye waits for Archie. Hey Jaye? Get the glitter outta your hair yet? Meerkat this!

Pip writes letters home. Cam invents bowling and makes a racket. Krycek and Callisto join in the bowling game. Aeryn, at first, wants use Cam as the pins but joins in eventually. Aeryn bowled? Did anyone get a picture? C'mon, my girlfriend bowled and I missed it! Anders and Cam scramble to come up with ideas for Cally's birthday. Again, happy birthday Cally! You rock! Callisto confesses to girlkissing. Okay, see, that's so much hotter than boykissing because girls have the lips and the hair and the...yeah, girlkssing.

Walter runs laps in the gym and plays with his dog. And if one single person takes that as dirty? You deserve a kick in the pants because dogs are not dirty, they are cute! Blair puts up posters advertising for tutoring.

Tonight was Game Night! Before Game Night officially started, Isabel and Aeryn talk about Darla. Cam wants to play full contact Monopoly. What? Did someone drug Cam again? Was he wearing spandex over leather pants like he promised he would? Aeryn also told me about Darla. I was the regular, understanding, sexy, lovable, adorable, dorky, cuddly boyfriend I always am when this stuff happens.

The first Monopoly game features Peter, Molly, Mac, Cam, Sam, and my illustrious boss here at the station, Barbossa. Go boss go! The second Monopoly game features Pip, Nadia, Blair, Pippi, Jack, Parker, and Janet.

Rory throws a birthday party for Cally. But it's not in her room and I'm sure everyone is sad about that. By the end of this year, everyone will have been in Rory's room but not in an orgy type of way Professor Mrs. I'm Compensating for Something By Using My Wand! Anakin helps decorate. There are no turnips. Woe. Parker, excuse me, Parkie, helps decorate. And tomorrow, she'll plant some flowers and bake cookies. Cam brings the drinks and the chips and tells Rory he's cooler than me. I disagree. I'm also gonna beat Cam up for that, the one armed dork!! Anders brings the birthday girl in! Yay Anders and Cally and Cally and Anders! Bridge wonders why he didn't know about this. Speaking of Bridge, did he get kissed last night? There's nothing here about someone kissing Bridge? Has no one kissed Bridge and, if not, why not?

Gilmore's! Where Everyone Knows Your Name...and Your Lips!

Dude, 213 was the place to be this weekend. And it wasn't an orgy, Professor Mrs. Gray Hair Shedding All Over The Radio Equipment!

The Spin The Bottle group wakes up. Alas, there is no more kissing. Yet. Rory and Peter talk about mocking people. Jaye and Archie make out. In Rory's room. Disinfectant works wonders, Rory! Honestly!

Randomly, Jaye and Rory believe elves have kidnapped Xander and they want a boy kissing room. As a member of the male species, I say NO NO NO NO NO. Men? We are not a petting zoo! They'd set a room up with glass windows and an a descriptive sign. Boykissimus Sexiness - A rare sight in the wild, these two young men have been brought into our exhibit for research and observational purpose. Please do not feed the boykissers. Veto, veto I say!

Angela's in a weird mood, Angela and Rory talk about Marty and Angela admits to missing him. I miss him too, Angela but not in that way. He's just fun to be around and cool and funny and he really knows his music! Macbeth learns about California and coffee, Anders gets Rory to help out with Cally's birthday celebration. Hey, happy birthday Cally! If I knew how, I'd totally play a special song for you. Since I don't, I'll just end the broadcast with a song!

Anakin is hungover. And didn't get kissed last night. This morning he totally spins the bottle and kisses Rory. *pause* Oh, the game. Right. Hey, good spinning, Anakin! Isabel goes looking for Xander. Isabel, he's probably off cuddling a hat...or something else. Most likely a hat. He really likes hats and Twinkies and Jeremiah. But not Jeremiah in a hat eating Twinkies because that would just be weird. Xander, please tell me you haven't done that.

Alanna is sad to have missed the boykissing. Geez, girls, just go rent one of those movies that are in the special sections of the movie stores! Plenty of boykissing! Peter and Angela also talk about how Marty's weird. Peter's a good sounding board. Listened to me vent a few times. Gave some good advice. Thanks, Pete! Cordy gets all nostalgic about the boykisses that just happened last night. Geez, with the way Cordy's remembering this, you'd think she'd been living in a hut surrounded by lobsters for the last ten years. But, she wouldn't sunburn a nice lobster red because Rory burns unders halogen lights and could give her SPF 87 ! Angela teaches Macbeth about light switches. Aww, Angela's so nice.

Takin' You Downtown!

Orlin, Camulus, and Phoebe wake up together. Dang, that must've been one big bed. Or one small bed, depending on your view. I thought Phoebe was back together with Belthazor? Did I miss something while I was in detention?

Dr. Troy visits Cafe Fina. Wait, who? Sorry buddy, haven't met you yet. Walter also stops by Cafe Fina to pick up some dough and that's not bread, folks. Though, picking up bread would be good too because then there would be toast! Angel, Callisto, Logan, and Veronica go on a double date!. Aww, how sweet. And just think, a few days ago, Callisto was covered in soda and laughing at me for reasons that will not be explained. Callisto's romantic! Who'd have guessed that one? Is she sprinkling rose petals in the bathtub for Angel yet?

Caritas is open!

Apparently, Tex and her Troopers were throwing a party at the station today. Belthazor heads in as does Angel. Dudes, I wasn't invited? C'mon, I bet Mayor Tex is fun to party with once you get past that full metal body armor, raging attitude, access to heavy weaponry, potty mouth, and apparent disdain for everyone and you have a real party animal right there!

The Baron's being lazy and Angela's getting advice from Professor Chaucer at the Perk. Mac stops at Empire Records and Bidet to get some music recommendations from Lucas. Mac? Starland Vocal Band. That's all I'm saying. CJ's hanging at out Mauvaise Chance apartments and meets Orlin.

At All and Sundries, Orlin needs hangover relief, Giles finds British candy and Anakin buys a turnip bouquet. Is that right? Turnips? Can we get a check to make sure Anakin is still Anakin and not Annie? Because, turnips? Unless you're taking up gardening then...you go with your turnip self!

Birthday Song! )

Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week. And that's all we have from the friendly confines of the Crow's Nest II. I'm John Crichton and I leave you with two things. One, if you need some cheering up? Rory's room. Something's always happening in there. And two? Who else thinks Professor Mrs. Skeeter should just choose one title? Professor Mrs. Rita Skeeter? C'mon, too long! Pick one and reconcile with your husband! Adios everyone!
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Co-written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Good evening and welcome to another edition of the John and Lee Show!
LEE: He means Fandom Radio.
JOHN: What, you want your name first?
LEE: I don't want any name first. It's not our show.
JOHN: Welcome to the Lee and John show!
LEE: John, I didn't want-
JOHN: Lee's middle name is Gideon!
LEE: Frak you!

JOHN: Click here and find out how far the rabbit hole really goes; LEE: OMG DIRTY! )</>
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Co-written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Hello, this is John Adama…
LEE: …and Lee Crichton
JOHN: …and we welcome you to a Very Special freeze your butt to your jeans and run from a snow monster version of Fandom Radio!
LEE: Yes, Fandom, if you've been living under a piece of toast or John's flab, you know that Fandom was, today, attacked by a variety of snow monsters.
JOHN: Snow monsters who were not Frosty the Snowman! They were not nice and voiced by Burl Ives!
LEE: Did you take a snowball to the head?
JOHN: Not that I remember...

[Cut for Massive Length] )
[identity profile] leeadama.livejournal.com
Written by [livejournal.com profile] leeadama and [livejournal.com profile] whitedeathpod

JOHN: Good evening, Fandom. I'm John Adama.
LEE: And I'm Lee Crichton and we're totally heterosexual.
JOHN: Completely heterosexual. I mean, I've got a girlfriend with arms the size of Callisto's thighs.
LEE: Ha, but they're no where near the size of my arms! My arms make even that Tyler girl breathe a little quicker.
JOHN: Jaye? I thought she had a crush on Archie and his dippy hat.
LEE: Archie's hat isn't dippy. It's jaunty!
JOHN: Well, there's gotta be something about the hat. You know what they say: the bigger the hat, the bigger the...
LEE: Haircare product bill?
JOHN: ANYWAY. Point is, we love our girlfriends.
LEE: Is that your hand on my thigh, John?
JOHN: ...

Give Your Teacher An Apple but Check For Worms First!
LEE: Today in Fandom High...

JOHN: Dr. Tommy who looks suspiciously like this guy I used to know in first grade, Howie Maloma, who used to eat dirt, taught a class on the Geologic Time Scale. Sounds old and...old. Are you sure you're not related to Howie Maloma? Anyway, in today's Shop class, everyone had to write essays about duct tape. And, since I'm in that class, I can tell you, personally, that Lilly Kane's breakdown over her lost ball of love was quite the remarkable thing to see. She drooled, dudes. All over the desk. I think Professor MacGyver had to call the janitor. Hey Lilly? I'm bringing you a bib next class!

LEE: For those of you in the sciences, I hope you enjoyed Ms. Sidle's classes in Biology and Chemistry as well as Forensics. And apparently Doctor Grissom showed up after class to see Ms. Sidle -- I'm always happy to see a little romantical intrigue here at Fandom High.

JOHN: In Speech 301, a big ole game of Telephone was started. Dude, if I start getting messages about red bras and Xander Harris, I'm calling my lawyer. Speech 401 focused on power. Callisto's thighs are the most powerful thing in the school. You get hit with one of those rocks, your speech is gonna suck!

In Sociology of Violence, Dr. Grissom lectured on gender based violence. And, from my notes, I see that my partner - my totally heterosexual partner that is - Lee was in that class. Tell me, Lee, were you arguing for the men or the women? Could go both ways, right? Why don't you tell the listening audience what you were doing this afternoon? What, knitting? That's right. Lee is knitting a pink scarf! In Sociology of the Paranormal, skepticism was examined. Don't know what skepticism is? Well, for example, I'm skeptical if Lee is really a boy with all the feminine attributes he has.

LEE: Frak you, John.

JOHN: Maybe later.

LEE: My notes indicated that you discussed the civil rights movement, whatever that was, in Quantum Physics. Aren't you supposed to be talking about wormholes and FTL drives in that class? Also, Professor Pierson - who is totally awesome by the way - lectured in History of Western Civilization on the civilizations of Egypt and Crete, which thank the gods, have nothing to do with England.

JOHN: In Classics, Professor Dream isn't in. Wonder if he's got a date with Johnina? Hey, it could happen. She's plenty enigmatic for a guy like Dream! Anyway, while Professor Dream is out on a date with Johnina, the students are instructed to read The Odyssey. Dude, is that the one Homer Simpson wrote?

In Math class, Professor Eppes was also out. Man, Johnina was a busy, busy woman. And yes, she's totally a woman. In Professor Eppes' absence, Broots took over and assigned Sudoku puzzles for the beginners, a really hard logic problem for the intermediates and a some boring read for the super smart kids.

In the class where I'm Professor Skeeter's favorite student aka Advanced Journalism, we talked about investigative reporting. My project for this class session? I'm gonna find out if there's a Mister Skeeter who is not Professor Skeeter's father, is in the picture. There's gotta be a story behind that.

In Journalism 101/201, the good little students turned their headlines in. Now, there's a blob of smudge on my notes but I'm told one of the headlines was "ANAKIN SKYWALKER LIKES FERRET SEX!" Is that right? Can that be right? Oh well. Whatever makes you happy, Anakin!

LEE: In related news, Journalistic Integrity discussed what is and isn’t public knowledge. For example, it is public knowledge that John Crichton fancies butter on his toast. What the public doesn't know, is that John Crichton fancies butter on his steamy hot girl--

*there is a mild scuffle and a few yelps of pain from Lee*

Aaanyway, in my most beloved class, US Government, we discussed semantics related to my greatest love of all, democracy. *sighs blissfully* However, somehow, it all lead back to that stupid bloody country England. I DO NOT BELIEVE SUCH A COUNTRY EXISTS, John. It is a frakkin' conspiracy of cartographers.

JOHN: Professor Lyman taught the students about English Settlements in US History. Included among those were Jamestown in Virginia and Puritans in Massachusetts. And no, the Puritans were not naked. Professor Lyman can attest to this. Not that he's old and was alive back then. Unless he was. If that's the case then, check to make sure Professor Lyman's not an android. Hey, I watch science fiction. I know the score.

In Cultivation and Gardening, everyone wrote short stories that dealt with gardening. Hey people in that class? I hope your stories ended with your plant growing up to be big and strong and leafy!

LEE: Doctor Tommy taught Driver's Ed today with a sweet little guest star of an automobile sim. No where near as sweet as a viper, though. But you gotta get around on the ground somehow, I guess.

Camulus teaches Celtic Studies with his usual flair and students study the Gaelic language. Which I hope to the lord of Kobol has nothing to do with England. Stupid bloody England.

JOHN: The most happening professor on campus, Professor Ted
had office hours today. Marty stopped by. There was no dancing. I was sad. Next time guys, okay?

Principal Smith also held office hours. Apparently, there's a golf cart chilling in his office, Jaye Tyler, who has a crush on Archie of the jaunty hat, is leading a club fair on Friday, there might be a blue box with their lights in the park and Veruca Cally and myself were called to Principal Smith's office. Okay, for the record, I do not love Dean Zordon because he's in a tube. I like visiting Dean Zordon because the technology of the tube is terrifically tantalizing.

LEE: That bitch-ass-ho cylon robot chick who looks like Sam held office hours and Cam went to see her. If you want my honest opinion, John, I don't think anyone should go near that thing. She's evil! She's a genocide-obsessed killing thing! Why is she teaching at Fandom High? I really don't understand.

JOHN: I don't know, Lee. She was really rude to me when I went to see her a few days ago. I hope her slinkies tangle and break!

LEE: Whatever... It was a Power Ranger partaaay in Zordon's office today. Imagine that. Dean Zordon was visited by Doctor Oliver, Bridge, and Ms. Calendar. And John, whatever kept you away from visiting our renowned and noble dean?

JOHN: Shut up, Adama.

LEE: Alas, no one visits Dr. Lyman in his office but he sends out an email to the members of Student Council.

Oh, before I forget, it was loads of educational fun in my favorite place ever, today. That place being your boudoir, John the library. I learned absolutely nothing about England but there was discussion of sin and kissing with Parker and Zero. We may be getting a study club which is in no relation to Study Hall. Which I miss. Oh, Draco! I miss your snide little face. Angela wondered if she had been missed and I tell ya, she's not a woman you forget. Ask Marty, omg. There is discussion of Parker's special friend who is not me, unfortunately. And Anakin learned from Rory all about baby names starting with "L" -- you know, I'd almost want to say that Rory and Anakin are headed to Cally-n-Anders-like relationship cuteness, but they're totally just omgjustfriends, you know?

JOHN: There were bagels in the teacher's lounge today. And what about the- Wait, you know what? I so do not want to know about my teacher's getting buttery.

Dr. Grissom and Professor Cregg shoot the breeze. Dr. Grissom did not offer any cheese puffs? Dr. G? Where be the cheese puffs, man? Save the teacher's lounge for boring bagels!

Food, Glorious Food
LEE: Cafeteria food isn't the best on the island, but at least the conversation's good. Nadia, Marty and Walter fight crime have lunch; Victor and Pip discuss post-apoc warfare have lunch; Ed and Anders are not cylons have lunch; and Cordy and I comb each other's hair had lunch.

Lee Lives In Room 216. Go Get Some Lovin'
LEE: And in dorm life today, Aeryn beats the crap out of spars with Cameron at the gym. Errr... John, I dearly hope that you're treating your fair lady with the highest of respect. That woman can kick ass.

JOHN: Stop kissing my neck, Lee.

LEE: ...the FRAK? SHUT UP.... He's making that up, Aeryn, I swear.

JOHN: Am not.

LEE: I'm gonna die.

JOHN: In secret sibling news, Jessica Tate got a care basket. Jessica? If that thing had any butter, could you send it to room 238? I might have a use for it. And yes, it's a totally legal use.

Molly and Cam had breakfast together. And we all know what question I'm gonna ask, right? Was there toast? Did Cam get buttery with Molly? What? I'm taking Professor Skeeter's advice and doing some investigative reporting!

LEE: This evening on the first floor, Kiki volunteers for SafeWalk duty and chats with Lana about angels. And I don't think she means your Angel, John.

JOHN: He's not my Angel. He's Callisto's Angel.

LEE: Isn't that a television show?

JOHN: ... mmmm. Marrah Mawcett.

LEE: Didn't she marry you a guy named Lee?

JOHN: Mmmm... speaking of being hot whilst defending yourself...Alanna holds self defense lessons in the gym.
Tonight, Walter and Lana, Bel and Cordelia and Victor and Nadia go head to head. Self defense lessons are very important,
boys and girls. You don't wanna run into some nasty blob of evil in a dark alley and end up in a wheelchair!

LEE: There was a swingin' Student Council Party on the second floor -- may I add that the second floor is THE BEST FLOOR EVER -- and Parker got a little grilled by Callisto (of the awesome thighs) about some Jarod fella. Ah, Parker, I thought you only had eyes for me.

JOHN: Bridge and his traveling band of merry men, Rory, Lee, me, Hamlet, Molly and Sam decided to go exploring earlier this evening. We did not find Atlantis, we did not find the Fountain of Youth and we most certainly did not find the origin behind Samuel T. Anders' middle name. That, I think, will remain a mystery forever.

It's A Water Balloon Kinda Town!
LEE: In Fandom Town, the balloon ninja strikes again when the lovely Inara opened Chaucer's this morning. I feel a craving for hot tea now...And Ms. Calendar visits Dr. Pevensie at her new apartment.

JOHN: Red was ready and willing to help in the
Mayor's Office today. But, sadly, no one came. Did the water balloon culprit strike them all down before they could
reach Red's doors? This water balloon ninja needs to be caught! Tons and tons of precious water is being lost!

The Emporium's open and Pippi pays Michael a visit.

That reminds me, Lee? Did you ever pick up your prescription?

LEE: What prescription?

JOHN: You know, for your...you know, problem thing?

LEE:...Shut up, Crichton. Anyway, Drusilla is paid a visit by Lilah at Wolfrom and Hart. You know, those ladies vaguely remind me of another pair of lady friends, but I just can't put my finger on it.

JOHN: Ben and Michael stop in at Deb's. Deb gives them food and Michael and Ben are happy. And darn it, I'm happy for them.

LEE: You just like food.

JOHN: Food's good. Good food's even better.

LEE: Doesn't Aeryn get lost in the folds of your fat?

JOHN: Eat toast and die.

LEE: And the intrigue between Sidle and Grissom continues as they have dinner in town. Hey, John, maybe that's where we could double date since you love food so much.

JOHN: *mumbles something*

LEE: No, I will not go frak a toaster. Sharon's taken.

JOHN: At the Perk, Rory and Parker talk. I'm sure they're talking about the socioeconomic crises in third world countries or the impact of nuclear arms testing in Iran might have on domestic and foreign relations...or it could just be coffee and small talk.

It's a quiet night at Spike's Pub. Lee?

LEE: Yes, John?

JOHN: Think they should offer theme nights?

LEE: Theme nights?

JOHN: Yeah, like Monday is body shot day, Tuesday is drink your weight in beer day, Wednesday is I can shove this whole
beer bottle up my nose day, Thursday is drink a beer, get a punch from a brother and Friday is pajama day!

LEE:...I worry about you sometimes.

JOHN: At Caritas, Parker, Rory, and Jarod talk about Darla. Parker denies her feelings for Jarod. Rory pushes, Parker pulls. That's almost...hot.

LEE: Parker and Jarod discuss violence. It takes a water balloon attack to distract Rory from how hot those two are together. (But what if Parker and Jarod are OMGJUSTFRIENDS, damnit?!)

JOHN: The Tick became the latest victim of the water balloon bandit. If this bandit can strike even our strongest superhero, how can we possibly stop him or her? Again, if I knew how to key up this switchboard without breaking things and incurring the pirate's wrath, I'd totally play some yearning for a hero song!

The Few, the Proud, the TA's!
JOHN: My totally platonic roommate and his sinfully adorable dog read in the TA's lounge. You know, if Angel wasn't a vampire, he'd so be one of those guys you see in the woman's type magazines as 'the ideal man.'

Lana and Angel, my totally platonic roommate, discuss some weird hometown club. Not sure exactly what this is but Angel suggests food and Lana spearheads the club. What a team, you guys. Also, Angel? Don't eat too much. I'm cooking tonight.

Xander talks to Sam and Angel, my, still, totally platonic roommie about elevators that don't exist. Xander, this is the first step in the aging process, I think. It's the memory that goes first. Start checking for gray hair!

Bel's chipper and cheery and happy all over. This concern my platonic as all get out roommate, Angel. Hey Angel, give the guy a break! Maybe he got lucky...and won a fierce game of Monopoly last night!

Cameron tells Angel why it's not a good idea to mess with Aeryn. I'd feel for you Cam, I really would except I'm too busy laughing at you. You got beat up by a girl!

Angela talks to Angel about her breakup. And there might be some emo there. Obviously, she misses the ferret sex.

Callisto lets Angel know that she ran into Darla. Callisto can handle herself, Angel. I mean, she'll either thigh lock them to death or she'll sing!

Toasty Bits! With Butter!
JOHN: In the school's clinic, Lisa meets the new school counselor, Susan. Susan, watch out for her! She might flash you or tell you, in graphic detail, what the female...you know does!

LEE: *sighs blissfully*

JOHN: Samuel T. Anders totally grabs a fistful of condoms. Way to go, Callynanders! Practice that safe sex! Though, Lee?

LEE: Yes, John?

JOHN: Wouldn't little wee Callynanders' be awfully cute?

LEE: Yes. They should have eighteen.

JOHN: I agree.

LEE: It IS one of God's commandments after all.

LEE: Some weirdo takes Camilla from Marty. Sad cries!

And up on the fifth floor, Nadia notices a note on her door... possibly from a secret admirer?

Oh, and you and I snuggled discussed knitting, the frat, your wedding to Aeryn Sun, Kara's red bra...

JOHN: Lee... Lee!!

LEE: Oh, sorry, I just... um... Women's undergarments… Stupid bloody England. Toast. And you wouldn't talk about that certain something that's going on between you and Aeryn. Care to tell me now?


LEE: Damn.

JOHN: Marty buys the occupants of rooms 239/240 gifts. He gave my girlfriend a picture of a half naked man. If my girlfriend leaves me to become a walking, talking Heston stalker? I might have to hurt you, Marty.

Victor and Walter wake up together. And they're cute. These guys are why Whitney Houston and Celine Dion write love songs, man. So sweet. If I knew how to work this switchboard, I'd totally play a dedication for you guys.

LEE: Sheppard interviews Maia for class whilst the Elric Brothers catch up.

Bridge is bored and therefore invites Sam fishing to go exploring.

JOHN: Janet sends out an email. And no, there's nothing naughty in said email. And no hidden viruses either...we hope. Blair and Hank hang out together. I'm told Hank is, in fact, a plant. Is that right, Lee?

LEE: That's what the notes say.

JOHN: Huh. That's worse than you naming your arms.

LEE: Shut up, Crichton.

JOHN: And that's all we got tonight, ladies and gentlemen! We're both feeling a little tired, aren't we, Lee?
LEE: Are we taking another nap together, John?
JOHN: What? We've never slept together!
LEE: Well, there was that one time...
LEE: And you had your arm around me and it was just nice, you know?
LEE: No, I'm quite sure that wasn't -----

*sounds of a microphone being ripped out of the wall*


Fandom High RPG

About the Game

---       Master Game Index
---       Thinking of Joining?
---       Application Information
---       Existing Character Directory

In-Character Comms

School and Grounds
---       Fandom High School
---       Staff Lounge
---       TA Lounge
---       Student Dorms

Around the Island
---       Fandom Town
---       Fandom Clinic

---       Radio News Recaps
---       Student Newspaper
---       IC Social Media Posts

Off-Island Travel
---       FH Trips

Once Upon a Time...
---       FH Wishverse AU

Out-of-Character Comms

---       Main OOC Comm
---       Plot Development
---       OOC-but-IC Fun


Fandom High is a not-for-profit text-based game/group writing exercise, featuring fictional characters and settings from a variety of creators, used without permission but for entertainment purposes only.