"Ladies, gentlemen, firebreathers, tentacled beings from Rafastus Four, parents, guardians, siblings who were dragged away from the television, other people who are just here for a good time, this is the one and only WTFH radio, the pirate's own, with your Friday night host with the most, Hades. Yep, God of the dead, lord of the Underworld, your soul put in a pit for eternity in thirty minutes after death or your money back.
Let's get on with the news before I give myself a hernia with all the enthusiasm.
Class: Some of Us Have It, None of You Do. Just Accept ItSchool's over, kids. Get out, enjoy the sunshine, engage in normal mortal activities. When the apocalypse comes, I'll let you know.
Broodatron 4000 posted grades and had
office hours, my lovely assistant
Vanna had office hours. The Hell Spawn, Animal Boy, Madam President, Fandom Idol and Receding Hairline Man all stopped by. My old buddy
Scar had office hours and was tormented by the Hell Spawn, Cooking Spray, If Looks Could Kill, A Pink Kitten, Old Maid and her even older grandparents. Sounds like a blast.
Dorms: Where Your Kids Are Living Out Their Celibate Existence. Really.There aren't any common room stories to tell today because you were all busy instead of being your usual lazy selves.
Jack told Cedric he's ditching him for bigger and better things.
The Hell Spawn whose surname isn't Harvelle is outta here and he didn't even have to be expelled.
Willow has abandonment issues because of him,
Gwynn's not above lying to keep the guy here (that's how you know when someone really cares),
Don't Cry For Me Argentina talked to him about a road trip,
English says farewell, Sayonara, Salamat whatever,
Z's going to be the only person of the multiplying persuasion around now,
the last sock puppet show went to Molly and
New York Peter hasn't learned his lesson because he talked about blowing up Meerkat cabin.
Hell Spawn and Marie were awkward and said goodbye.
Tori was 'chillaxing' whatever that means. No, wait, I got it. I'm hip. I get it.
John Connor was where he always is, right in the shower. Red's
little lesbian lived up to her name and woke up with Ami,
Jake's Dad might kill people according to Jake's conversation with Krycek,
D'anna emailed and John Connor got down and dirty with a member of the
clergy. Someone's fallen into a bad habit.
Pam lied to Jim about never drinking again,
D'anna wandered away from the party I'll talk about later,
Jack tried to get Cedric out of his pants for apparently but not believably undirty reasons and later he wandered off to talk to
some guy during the party.
Town: Party Central of the Not-Entirely-There East Coast IslandsRed didn't have enough of teaching and decided to try his hand at teaching Vanna and Arashi to drive. I haven't got a call requesting bail yet, but who knows?
Tannim left town and so did
Jamie Madrox aka Hell Spawn. More partying! Al...there's that word again. Al was 'chillaxing' at the
Book Haven, Leapin' Liz opened the
Post Office and Buffy opened the
Magic Box.
Luke's Diner had a Rufus Wainwright day, there was a swordfighting angel in the
Park,
the doctor watched,
Kira was impressed...by the swordwork and
Tori talked summer plans.
Rosette was out of her habit and into John Connor. Not dirty. Maybe.
Turtle & Canary are always open to making a profit off the needs of tourists and
Xander opened YMCA.
Bridge went to find him,
M's moving out,
the new sheriff commiserated over the eyepatch wearing thing and
Parker was there doing something.
Rory waited for her family at the
Perk, alumni
Logan (not teacher Logan) learned all about Yale's libraries and didn't commit seppuku, Rory met
Jake's Dad, then the
family arrived and complained.
Leo took a page out of Turtle's book with the exploitation and
Jaye's family were at JGOB. Everyone wisely stayed away.
The new owners of the
Arms Hotel checked people in. Okay, deep breath. There were
MacGyver,
Jake's Dad and freaky friend,
Angel, Logan and Sean, the
Naughty Nun,
Captain Jack Harkness,
Sydney Lavert, the
Grandma, Grandpa and Lorelai Gilmore,
Mom, Dad and Rat Bastard Hopeless-Savage, three shady looking guys under the name
Conte,
Emo Angela's friends,
Chloe Sullivan,
Piper Halliwell and
Callisto.
The
clinic was quiet and
Caritas staff claimed not to sell liquor to minors.
Hamlet was there with his dead father and a
color-coded cavalcade showed up for a good time.
Ain't no party like a Fandom High party, 'cause a Fandom High party don't stop until a week later when slowplay has to endCourtesy of last year's Seahorse cabin, the most promiscuous cabin in all of la-di-da Fandom land...you know, I don't know what I'm saying. I think you've all made my brain turn gelatinous from this drivel. Let's get it over with. There was a party!
There was a tiny pink kitten
frolicking in the sand and I'd be happy never to use the word 'frolicking' ever again.
Parker talked to it and it's apparently Zero.
Rat, Zero's brother with parents who rival Rory Gilmore's in the stupid name stakes, recognized her.
Angela introduced her friends around,
Logan Echolls got half-naked and Angel
and Jack enjoyed the view.
Angel and Logan called Parker 'Mom' and 'Babymomma' but I'm not seeing any reports of brutal stabbings, so it could be a lie. Zero-kitty attacked
Angel's ankle, but the rest of him was busy being
Captain Obvious.
D'anna and Jack preened at each other,
Logan and Anakin accomplished not killing each other and
Jack did the meet and greet thing with Summer, before
Summer went to talk to Tori.
Billy talked to Tori,
Rose told Jack he's shameless (another Captain Obvious) and
Irulan was glad shirtlessness was optional.
Parker made fun of Irulan's crazy hat. Like you can talk Parker. Those shoes? Yeah.
Jack met Naomi for the first time,
Kyo lurked,
Lindsey is all about equal opportunity nudity,
Molly told Jack and
Logan about Ray leaving.
D'anna gave the underaged girl alcohol,
Rory's grandparents were scandalized,
D'anna found Ben,
John welcomed MacGyver back. Back?
Dean and Alec decided they were sexy, sexy beasts and I'm never saying those words again either.
Alec and Annie talked about being five,
MacGyver greeted Bridge,
Stark and Zhaan chewed the fat,
Kawalsky was surprised to see his buddy Ferretti and introduced him to Alanna and
Sam (the blonde leggy one) was surprised to see Ferretti as well. Surprises all around!
MacGyver and Jack talked all about leggy Sam,
Xander was uncertain with MacGyver. MacGy...I'm calling you Mac. He then congratulated
leggy Sam on getting a job with the Phoenix Foundation.
Ferretti thought Mac was someone else,
Jack made Lau go shirtless and
Parker asked Lau about Jake's Dad's whereabouts.
Doctor Whatshisname was there and got promised a dance by Jack,
Rose tried to get him to take his shirt off and according to thin cheerleader girls
dancing and eating at the same time is a good idea.
Billy and River waved at each other,
Jay and Silent Bob were doing some dealings of their own and
Billy explained to Jack how he got beat up by Blair.
I think maybe Billy met Jay and Silent Bob before he came up with that one.
Jack and Cedric were all about the public displays of affection, then the charmer
greeted Chloe.
Chloe and Piper regaled tales of old,
Jack appreciated Luke's sleevelessness,
Luke complained about the cold,
Luke and Tori have UST, a well-known acronym disease, and
Annie told Leo he should skinny dip. Annie has also been into whatever Jay and Silent Bob were offering.
Jack complimented Isabel,
Steve Peter and Isabel talked about parents and Fandom and...sewers. Whatever.
Jack gave Steve Peter the 'don't hurt Isabel' talk. Get those glitter flags going, crazy people.
Sydney didn't go shirtless. Everyone rejoiced.
Isabel doesn't want to know about Xander's frog kinks. Is it a green thing?
Xander thanked D'anna for the party,
Bridge was clingy,
Annie ogled Jack and wanted to get
Billy drunk.
Tori couldn't wait for her posse to show up,
Dick has size issues,
Skinhead gave Krycek trouble,
Krycek then caught up with Chloe.
New York Peter got the parental grilling from Zero's Mom and Dad,
Marty met up with his pal and Angela's friends, the
Winchesters Sam and Dean talked about the Seahorse spirit. Yeah, that's using the term lightly and
D'anna asked Hamlet the age-old question: is that a remote in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
It was a remote.
Moving on. There was
swimming!
River went fully-clothed and Jack was there to swim with her.
Big Bill with a Y and Ami sat on the edge of the water,
Cedric and River gave me ample opportunity to make a joke about their names and
Cedric threatened to turn Isabel into a sock. Not a tu...no, I'm not going there.
Music and dancing were a big part of the party.
Parker and River were giant dorks,
the bar was ever-popular and
my nephew hit on D'anna.
Jay of the notorious hetero life mate Jay and Silent Bob group tried to get Chloe to go shirtless.
There was
food glorious food, complete with
River and Buffy playing vampire slayers with the skewers and
Wilson and Aziraphale talking about ch-ch-changes.
Eeeeeverybody
Limbo! Chick-chicka-boom.
Isabel explained it to Scar's kid and
Scar, his kid and Isabel talked about gremlin limbo. You lose, you get bitten?
It was
bonfire night in Fandom.
Jack and Sam snuggled by the fire pushing me over my acceptable saccarine intake levels for the month,
Aeryn and John talked about playing doctor,
Jay of Jay and Silent Bob, not crazy girl, hit on Annette.
Leo and Silent Bob shared a pipe.
Fireworks! I was wondering what that noise was. Bubble wrap or something. You can never have enough fireworks. Maybe more tomorrow. More fireworks!
Steve Peter offered Isabel his jacket while they watched the fireworks,
D'anna talked to some guy named Ben about family and then
everyone went home. Eventually. Except me. I'm still here, reporting, not a sandwich in sight. I could really use a sandwich about now. You! Squirrel! Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.
Ack, no! Get off me you little furball! Gah! This is OW! Hades mother- garr on WTFH dear Zeus make it stop radio." Silence. "There. Don't mess with a god. This is Hades on WTFH radio. Good riddance, graduates, and get ready for what's set to be a tedious graduation ceremony as these things usually are. See you tomorrow, and try not to break anything."
[Party section title courtesy of
krycek_rat]