WTFH

Welcome back to Umbridge Radio, here on Umbridge Island at the Dolores Umbridge High School. Far be it from me to ever question her benevolent rule, but I would like to say that her naming convention lacks flair. I have notes, and orange juice that I am sipping out of a champagne flute. Let's see what all of you got yourselves into yesterday.

( Body Count Radio ) Oh, Emma, if you're listening, dear, dinner the other night was simply to die for. Coffee at my place, sometime soon?

That's all the notes that I have. Remember, behave, be good, and you'll make all our lives a little bit easier. Isn't that what we all want?

Yes, this is what I was wearing last night. I haven't made it home yet. Some of us have social lives. And do you know how awkward it is sneaking out of someone's apartment because you have to go talk to squirrels?

*chittering*

No, I wasn't going to stay for breakfast anyway. That's not the point. Good morning, it's Friday, I'm Callie Maggotbone and you aren't. Here's some news. Can I just skim these and only read the ones that look interesting?

*CHITTERING*

Fine. Then you'll have to give me some of that rum.

( Demon Radio )

Okay, we're out of notes, and that means I can shower off the scent of human and go to bed. You call it decadence, I call it being me.

... this is it? I can't believe you made me come the whole way over here for this. Look, in the future, if there aren't enough notes to fill an index card, just, I don't know. Call me, and I'll do it over the phone. That way I don't even have to get dressed.

Good morning, Fandom, I'm Callie Maggotbone, it's Thursday, I came the whole way to this stupid radio station and none of you even did anything.

Simon packed up and left, so he's probably not hearing this. Good-bye, Simon. You will be missed by -- people who aren't me, because I have no idea who you are. Mercy wants to know about Christmas in Simon's culture -- I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say there are presents and trees. And Cassie says she's going to miss Simon, because he was a good roommate.

At Stark Industries, William is bored. I have plenty of suggestions but I have a feeling the squirrels would bleep most of them. Hey, look at that! I'm out of notes. Sign-offs are for people who care about patter, and I don't. Bye!

Hello out there, Fandom. I'm Callie Maggotbone. It's Friday morning again, time for mimosas and news. The mimosas add a touch of class to the proceedings. Satan knows I'm not going to do it.

( News )

Those are all the notes I have, I'm out of champagne, and I'm not bored enough to start any rumors out of whole cloth. So it looks like my work here is done.

Hello again, to all non-bovids who are tuning in for today's news. Any bovids are free to meet me outside the station, because my knuckles would love to land another kiss or two on your ugly faces. But first, let's gossip about the humanoids, shall we?

( Bovid-Punching Humanoids. And Gossip. )

All right. That's all my notes, and the gossip, real or invented, is no longer amusing me. I'm going to go watch the Real Housewives of Hell. I haven't seen any of the new episodes, so I'm way overdue for a TiVo marathon.