WTFH

OBERON: Ill met by moonlight, proud Crichton
JOHN: Lee, we always meet at this time every Saturday, dude, what's the deal?
OBERON: Tarry, rash wanton! Am I not --
JOHN: -- Oh, I get it, you're still in Shakespeare mode, I dig. Forsooth. Yeah.
OBERON: Must I always be surrounded by idiots?
JOHN: Dude, this is Fandom.
OBERON: Of all the places in the world to visit, I had to travel here...
JOHN: You okay, man? You look a little pale...
OBERON: SILENCE, MORTAL.
JOHN: And .... weeeeeeelcome, ladies and gentlemen to Fandom Radio, hosted by John Crichton and Some Evil Dude Possessing my Best Friend
OBERON:...how did you figure that out?
JOHN:...huh?

MAN IS BUT A PATCHED FOOL (school)

JOHN: Today's Punishment for Naughty Children was attended by the brave sir Professor Tick and was thusly attended by one Magnificent Molly Hayes and Captain Cameron of the Tightpantstania. Jaye, the loyal court jester, doth showeth up later for reasons that remain unknown.

THE FIERCE VEXATION OF A DREAM (dorm life)

JOHN: Forsooth, Vice Principal Pierce doth returneth from parts unknown. Thusly, he taketh a showereth. Voila! Later in the time of the stars in the sky, Vice Principal Pierce thus meeteh with Admiral Harrington. Lana and Pip worketh out in the gym whereupon the muscles of thy flesh shall...bulk up!

OBERON: Foolish mortals. So pitiful in their activities.

JOHN: Yeseth. Lady Allie doth sit alone in the clinic. Woe. Her pain and suffering must be great. In the evening, Duke Thomas Gavin doth receives a visitor!

OBERON: The visitor was not me!

JOHN: I didn't say it was! Dame Callisto doth bringeth Angel some gifts of green. Rory of Caffeine visits Angel to maketh him eat the food of her bosom. No, wait. The food of his need. No, wait. Dammit.

OBERON: You...are boring me.

JOHN: Apologies. Zero leaveth Parker of Petunias a note. I am told said note was very sentimental. I would cry but I cannot. Alas. This all occurs, of course, whence upon Zero waketh upeth on the beacheth.

OBERON: Such a pitiful example of a human being.

JOHN: Stop being so damn mean. Sir Krycek and Count Jake wake up and lo, behold the extra person residing in the bed of their love. Walter of the Lakes giveth Lady Ivanova an updated on Victor, forsooth. Alas. Behold. Eureka. Lee of Gleevenville hereafter leaves Countess Kara a message. Myself, I conversed with Lady Aeryn of the Squires on the roof whereafter the cold doth did not affect us.

OBERON: You are weak for cold weather to bother you in such a way!

JOHN: Alas, twas cold! And Knight Cameron doth receiveth a phone calleth. Lord Logan and Veronica of the Vendettas do so converse about the fretful elements of the performance theatre. Zero, a quite popular lady in today's broadcast, receiveth a note and some clovers. Post haste, she doth go visit Peter of the Pumpkineaters. As the evening wears on, as the hearts of mortal men begin their descent into the exotic state of dreams, Fair Bridge of Estonia gather a horde of students to partake in an adventure so dangerous, so terrifying that...it can only be contained to the sixth floor. Lady Xander of Canada, Dame Rory of Endorina, Molly of the MooGooGaiPans, Lordess Lyta of Luckyville, Duke Hamlet of ScrambledEggs, Sister Sharon of the Sheraton Covent for Naughty Children, Marty the Madgrigal who doth singeth to us all, and the lovely Aeryn Sun accompany Fair Bridge to the perilous sixth floor.

OBERON: Perhaps everyone at this school is not at as weak as I once thought.

JOHN: Correcteth. Archduke Angel of the Angelina Islands and his lady love, the noble Amazon Callisto doth meeteth after the performance theatre.

HARD HANDED MEN THAT WORK IN ATHENS WHICH NEVER LABOUR'D IN THEIR MINDS TILL NOW (the town)

JOHN: The Shop of the Wonka is doth opened by Ivanova of the Itch and her mortal hangover. Be well, sweet Ivanova. The moving screen building remains empty save for one brave mortal soul who doth brave the battlefields to procure some...popcorn. Lady Jaye of Flingenation Village visits the house of the All and Sundries to barter for goods that include tomatoes, a sweet vegetable, and glitter of green. Jay and Silent Robert are doth invitedeth to the performance of the theatre. They thus decline the offer.

Mercilessly, Cafe Fina and Caritas remaineth unattended.

WHAT REVELS ARE IN HAND? WHAT MASQUES? WHAT DANCES SHALL WE HAVE? (the play)

OBERON: Now whose idea it was for the fair children of Fandom to perform the most excellent comedy of Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare, I know not, but it proved to be quite a night of frivolity and farce with a touch of pandemonium.

JOHN: And you were, like, the king of the fairies, right? *snicker*

OBERON: Mock me not, or you shall feel my sword.

JOHN: You did not just say that, Lee.

OBERON: In fact, I did.

JOHN: You are such a fairy!

OBERON: Why of course I am.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: Before the play begun, cast members hopped as light as bird from brier before a full host of fairies arrived to possess their chosen human steeds...

JOHN: Steeds?

OBERON: And in my case, a stallion.

JOHN: ... you did not just say that about yourself on radio.

OBERON: Act One, Scene One featured the dealings of Theseus and the disgruntled lovers in Athens followed by Scene Two in which the rude mechanicals planned their merry play-within-a-play. The fairy court appeared in the depths of the woods in Athens in Act Two, Scene One followed by the morals arriving in Scene Two. Act Three, Scene One united the fairy queen with an ass while Scene Two made the fairy king look like an ass as his plot disintegrated into farce.

As for what happened in Act Four and Act Five, I leave to your very capable imagination.

JOHN: Can I guess 'orgy'?

OBERON: John Crichton for the win.

JOHN: Do I get a pony?

OBERON: How about three wishes?

JOHN: Yeah right.

OBERON: I'm serious.

JOHN: Okay, since the pony's out... two bean burritos, a cartoon channel that only showed 'The Simpsons' and I want to be a hot gay cowboy for a day. For real.

OBERON: Done.

JOHN: OH MY GOD, where did those two bean burritos come from?!

OBERON: The channel will be number 42 on your television and you will be a gay cowboy this Tuesday. Hotness and cowboy hat optional.

JOHN: ...

OBERON: And to return to the story at hand... the Tech booth was filled with handsome women and backstage was filled with the usual angst.

JOHN: Sounds like a proper theater production.

OBERON: Indeed.

Your most excellent self and Jake sold tickets as well as food and drink to the fair audience members of our play.

At the end of Act Three, anarchy descended upon the play in the form of one Sam Carter burinating the tech booth. I did my best to add to the mischief at hand.

JOHN: Dirty.

OBERON: Intermission featured much backstage drama including my Queen and the Lord of Shapes reminiscing on the past.

And much else occurred on our fair stage, but the eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man's hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report, what all happened this evening.

JOHN: And that's all the news tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
OBERON: *sigh* Lord, what fools these mortals be.
JOHN: You've been waiting all night to say that, haven't you?
LEE: Shut up, John -- oh my god, I'm back!
JOHN: What?
LEE: I'M LEE. I'M LEE ADAMA.
JOHN: ... Yeah, kid, you are. Now stop holding me like someone broken ... NIGHT FOLKS!