[identity profile] spyprincipal.livejournal.com
"Good evening, students, faculty, and residents of Fandom. I am former Principal Jack Bristow and here is your news for Friday, December 8, 2006.


Before I begin, I would like to note that while I have had precious little time to observe the operations of this facility since my arrival, I must say that what I have seen comes as a disappointment. Obviously, the strict administrative strategem that I laid out plainly has been greatly deviated from. While it is no longer my concern whether the student body degenerates into an orgiastic mass of writhing, drug-soaked, subliterate bodies, I would rather not have to eliminate a superhuman threat who graduated from this school without his, her, or its proper educational and social priorities in order. Rest assured, however, that if my hand is so forced, I will not hesitate.

Principal Washburn announced detention for Sam Carter, Molly Hayes, and Naomi Wildman. Disappointing, Ms. Carter. And to drag these other students into your messes is sloppy at best.

Health class learns First Aid. A useful skill. My commendations to Dr. Reid.

Good Omens... and Bad learns about prophecy based on names and handwriting analysis. My full names is Jonathan Bristow, which means Bright Place that God has Given. My CIA handwriting analysis indicates I have an "open, outgoing personality" and that I "enjoy the company of others." I believe that Dr. Wilson should consider how much precious class time he's wasted on this nonsense. Not that Mr. Belthazor or Mr. Anders are paying any attention. A pity, some things never change. Dr. Wilson confiscates a gun from Mr. Belthazor. A gun. Where is the security in this facility?

The Doctor -- the inconsequential one, not the self-serious walking hormone of my memory -- makes himself the subject of his own class, eight times over. I care very little about the size of your ego or what it may be compensating for, Doctor, but allowing it to intrude on the education of the students is foolhardy.

In the cafeteria, Mr. Dornez has a quiet lunch and Mr.
McKnight rejects the nutritionally balanced meal selected by the kitchen.
You cannot live on junk food alone, Mr. McKnight.

Principal Washburn holds office hours. Dr. Wilson stops by, hopefully to report the gun matter which would have never been allowed in my school. Mr. John Winchester also meets with the principal.

Mr. Sam Winchester opens the library. Ms. Readman is also there if anyone requires her assistance. Mr. Winchester and Ms. Rosenberg discuss magicks -- safe, educationally-related magicks, one hopes and Mr. Crichton looks ridiculous. I will torture your toaster again, Mr. Crichton. Just give me a reason.

The Pageant

I had a chance to look at the pageant from the sidelines while preparing for my appearance, and I must say that while it was overall a satisfactory production, I am not without reservations.

As people take their seats, Veruca tells Ms. Mackenzie about her own experiences in the previous pageant. I hope by 'embarassing,' you mean 'enriching cultural experience,' Veruca. I may need to set you straight on that point soon.

The Doctor, Mr. Kessler, Mr. Durden, and Mr. Sanders explain Festivus. A truly educational moment, one of the very few I have noted thus far today.

Prophecy class sing and jazz hand. Mr. Anders jazz hand form has improved greatly in the last year. He must have been practicing.

Mr. Harkness and a poor imposter for Angel perform an explanation of Rohatsu. Mr. Harkness gets naked. If the Angel imposter had been paying attention, he would have done the same. It is pageant tradition. Your cover is blown and I suggest you abort your mission before I find you.

Dance class performs the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker. Ms. Rosenberg is abandoned by the spirit of the theater. I can only assume it is her own fault.

The Japanese Emperor's Birthday is commemorated by Mr. Hitachiin, Mr. Hitachiin, Ms. Sakurazaki, and Mr. Saotome. Their only failure was in doing it at all.

Mr. Crichton again turns himself into an inanimate object for his own amusement and no-one else's. Of lesser note is his peformance with Mr. Sam Winchster and Mr. V regarding Hanukkah. Mr. Crichton then put on women's clothing and acted out The Christians and the Pagans with Acting class. Their performances were all quite good. Especially Mr. Crichton's. He should consider that.

The Tick wraps up the evening with his long-winded but mildly amusing parody of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. As I do have an ounce of sentiment, I made a small appearance at the end.

Student Life

Mr. Belthazor has a gun, which Ms. Halliwell discovers. Ms. Halliwell should have reported her discovery to the proper authorities immediately. Having failed to do so, she would have found herself complicit in any tragedy that resulted from said firearm.

Mr. Lizowski and Mr. Sado ignore their studies in favor of hormonal dalliances. I hope you both enjoy academic failure.

Mr. Kessler has a box. I hope that's a box of educational value.

Mr. Ellison and Ms. Lang are, as my notes would have it, 'awwwwww.' Please discontinue this.

Ms. Wildman works on her science project. I would be more impressed with your academic pursuits if you were not a delinquent headed for detention.

International Thanksgiving

In the spirit of wasting precious study time, Ms. Longstocking and Ms. Santos host an international Thanksgiving. Jude arrives in high spirits. The climax before the falling action, no doubt.

Ms. Mackenzie discovers that her fellow students are not all self-absorbed walking hormones, as Nadia prepared vegan brownies for her.

Ms. Longstocking expresses gratitude that she did not have to perform in the guise of fruit in the pageant. An interesting concept, and one I shall have to consider for the CIA Annual Revue.

Ms. Hayes wishes she could have fought more trolls during the recent invasion. Ms. Santos takes the opposite view. I would like to note that every major invasion has taken place when I was not in charge. Had I been here, this troll nonsense would have been dispatched quietly before it had even begun.

Mr. Altman is apparently in the habit of having jeeps thrown at him by Ms. Hayes. You should consider the path you are on, Mr. Altman, and alter it as soon as possible.

Ms. Roberts suggests holding the International Thanksgiving on a different day every year. Given the frivolity of the event, may I suggest February 30th or September 31st as potential future dates?

Ms. Santos welcomes The Doctor who was introduced fifth in today's Constant Vigilance, and who will therefore be referred to as the Fifth Doctor. Please attempt to follow as I apply the same strategem to his other selves. Ms. Longstocking also makes the acquaintance of the Fifth Doctor. Fandom's The Doctor explains the disturbing chaos of his past selves.

Nadia explains to Teddy the reason why she is choosing to lure the students away from their studies with food.

Mr. Elric and Ms. Mackenzie agree that free food is a good thing. To borrow a phrase of your contemporaries -- duh.


There are now nine TARDIS's in Fandom. None appear to contain anything useful to the education of the students.

Ms. Lang opens the bookstore. No-one visits. This is not what I wish to see, students. Know that I will not tolerate academic laxness.

The Third Doctor reverses the polarity of the Squishy flow at All and Sundries.

Mr. Joxer distracts Ms. Frye at her place of work. Obviously, neither have any respect for the task she performs.

The Sixth Doctor makes a public nuisance of himself in Luke's Diner. You can clearly note the kind of rogue elements you've brought onto the island, Doctor. The Sixth Doctor did not even pay for his meal.

The First Doctor does not approve of drug use. A sensible man among the Doctors. An unexpected development to be sure.

The Eighth Doctor accosts a woman in the street with his lips. Then he talks to a duck. Then he kisses Ms. Canary. We return to the expected chaos again. Strangely, this is not comforting news.

The school principal fraternizes with her staff. This is how you choose to focus your energies, Ms. Washburn? Perhaps I should have never left in the first place.

Mr. Bluth announces his annual Three Minute Date event. Surveillance done at Homecoming suggests that you are unaware of the meaning of the word 'annual,' Mr. Bluth. I would suggest investing in a dictionary. And perhaps a new brain.

The Doctor isn't the only one crossing his own path in time. There are two Ms. Kents in the clinic. A messy affair for all involved and needlessly complicated.

The Doctor bids fairwell to himselves. And not a moment too soon.

That is all the news I have to report for tonight. Thank you, and have a gremlin venom-free semester."
[identity profile] spyprincipal.livejournal.com
Good evening, students, faculty, and residents of Fandom. I am Principal Bristow and here is your news for Thursday, December 15, 2005.


Ms. Callisto ably fills in for the missing Professor Williams in Art Class. I'm concerned with the low turn-out.

Professor Maclay's Philosophy class discusses free will and sentience. Let me make it perfectly clear: until you are graduates, your free will is limited. I have that authority.

Final exams today in Music, Biology, Criminal Justice, and Greco-Roman Archaeology. I will be reviewing the feeds of these thoroughly. If any student is caught cheating, there will be consequences.

Professor Logan holds a band recital . Ms. Matthews and Mr. Ford display inappropriate levels of affection backstage. There will be no second warning.

Dean Jerusalem displays inappropriate irreverence to the holidays and his own position in Journalism class.

There are quizzes in the Language classes. Recall my note about final exams.

Psychology and Speech classes work on their final projects. Speech 301 students should be aware that I have made no efforts to discover the nature of the meetings tomorrow. I hope you find them very educational.

Mr. Turner and Ms. Halliwell -- Phoebe -- perform their play in Arthurian Traditions. Interesting staging, but no real pageantry. I am unthreatened.

Starting a Small Business students turn in their final projects. Mr. Solo, I hope you're not putting those lasers on campus.

Shop Class discuss what enviroments they would like to program the Danger Shop to replicate. I am rather taken with Veruca's "Colonial Day" concept. Please forward me the details so that we can begin immediate prep for another cultural event.

Criminology reviews a museum website. History classes review nothing as Mr. Finn fails to show up. He will be dealt with.

Professor MacGyver runs Study Hall. Angel attempts to keep Ms. Lehane in school. A noble effort. It almost makes me think he's not completely worthless.

Professor Chaucer, Professor Cregg, and I hold office hours. The Clinic is open for those students foolish enough to get injured.

The library staff threaten violence. This is not funny, and I believe Ms. Hopeless-Savage's mallet should be registered as a dangerous weapon. Ms. Parker attempts to explain Angel's unrestrained hormones to Sam. I have an explanation also -- if student would focus on their studies and not their next "booty call" we could avoid debacles like this.

Angel and Mr. Turner have a tiff discussion. Mr. Turner, I will not tolerate your pyrotechnics on school grounds. Cease and desist. I would like to thank Ms. Fraiser for taking care of that situation professionally.

Mr. Blank and Ms. Chase exhibit unnecessary PDA.

Student Affairs

There is alcohol in the dorms. I do not care how fondly you are going to miss another student, that is no excuse for illegal substances. Mr. Skywalker, to my office before the end of term.

Deep Thoughts club is moved to the Fourth Floor Common Room. The club president is drunk on the job. Another strike, Mr. Skywalker.

Mr. Adama, Mr. Crichton, and Mr. Mitchell enjoy friendly, constructive conversation in the 2nd Floor Common Room, while Angel and Mr. Harkness work off a little aggression in the gym. You can see that it's not that difficult to get along in this school if you are capable of following a few simple rules.

There are Secret Santa deliveries.

Ms. Mars calls Phoebe. And then she talks to Angel, also over the phone. I hope that you have your cell on vibrate during class, Ms. Mars.

Mr. Echolls and Ms. Mars display inappropriate UST outside Journalism class.

Ms. Parker and Mr. Harkness watch uneducational trash in the 2nd Floor Common Room . There are a number of programs designed to expand your mind, students. Please make discriminating, proactive choices when selecting your viewing materials.

And now we pause for a song request, presented by DJ Echelon.

[a slightly hipper voice comes on] Hey, chicks and boychiks! It's DJ ECHELON, bringing you the grooviest tunes, this time from The Divinyls, an Australian band that formed in 1980, but didn't gain notoriety until they released this hit single in 1991. This one goes out to Angel from Jack Harkness. Froody, man!

Oh no, oh no, oh no )

[Bristow returns] Thank you, DJ Echelon.

Fandom Town

Ms. Takayama delivers a Secret Santa gift to Chaucer
. Do you have a business license for that delivery service, miss?

Mr. Solo gets a tattoo and does not present a parental consent form. I find this unsettling at best.

Mr. Novotny-Bruckner discusses the weapons dealer with the three distressingly close brothers.

At the Perk, Ms. Matthews makes up for her earlier indiscretion by assisting Mr. Harkness with his homework.

Ms. Takayama opens Mr. Aziraphale's shop and later holds a seance to locate Mr. Connor's mother. As I suggested to Mr. Connor before, perhaps he should try the phone book. Dr. Wilson and Mr. Aziraphale discuss Dr. House's sudden absence, which occurred without proper notification to the Principal's office. I am disappointed.

And on a final note...

I will be departing from the island at the end of term for another position for an old friend. I am currently working on acquiring a replacement for myself. Rest assured, the best interests of the school will be considered.

Thank you, and have a safe, black tar heroin-free evening.

Fandom High RPG

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