WTFH

Good morning, everyone. This is Yakko Warner, broadcasting on WTFH Pirate Radio. And as hard as it is to say, this is going to be my final broadcast. That's right, I'm leaving the island for parts unknown once again. But don't worry too much, because you know what they say....

*music starts*

We'll meet again
Don't know where
Don't know when
But I know we'll meet again some sunny day
These notes I read
The daily news that you need
You'll keep on getting them when I'm away

( Of course he goes out with a song. )

I'd say "Good morning, Fandom," but I wouldn't really mean it. You took the winning Yakko Warner Black And White Look that you had going last week and you went ahead and threw it all away. And just for that - and not because my personal writer is on vacation - I'm just giving you a normal, no-frills radio. This is the Frontier Airlines of radio broadcasts, but with fewer additional charges.

( Fifteen dollar listening fee has been accepted. )

What do you mean it's Tuesday?

*chittering*

So I completely missed my radio broadcast?

*chittering*

Okay, okay, I'll do it now. And you know why? Because I'm a professional.

AHEM. Reporting from the world's longest Black Friday line at a toy store on the mainland, next to a guy with a handful of new Furbies and a lady on a cow, and in front of a gaggle of squirrels, this is Yakko Warner, reporting the news.

( News from the retail line )

Host Yakko: From WTFH Fandom, this is This Fandom Life, brought to you by Pirate Radio International.

Teaser Yakko: You know, there are these clubs that all kind of people are a part of.

Host Yakko: I'm here, looking at the meeting of Fandom High's Apathy Club. Well, actually, I'm not. But they won't care that I'm making this up. It's right there in the name.

Teaser Yakko: But this club, eh. You know.

Host Yakko In Field: No, I don't know. Can you explain it?

Teaser Yakko: I would but what's the point?

Host Yakko: This isn't an uncommon issue. In fact, everyone involved in the Apathy Club seems to have this kind of reaction. Which really brings into question, does Apathy Club draw people who don't feel strongly about much... or does it make them?

Host Yakko In Field: So you don't even know why you feel this way about the club?

Teaser Yakko: I never really gave that much thought to it.

Host Yakko: In fact, any question I asked him was deflected in such a way. The answers he gave ranged from, "Oh, you're still here?" to "We're all gonna die eventually. Except me. But you'll probably die sooner than most."

Teaser Yakko: You should really look into cryonics. Freeze your head. But it doesn't matter much if you don't. You know, the Mayans or whatever?

Host Yakko: This isn't the kind of community you expect, but sometimes it's the kind of community you get. *quirky music starts playing* A bunch of people who barely care enough to put up with me asking questions, banding together to not answer questions, together.

( I'm pretty sure the opening is longer than the entire radio would have been if I were a halfway normal person. )

Hellooooooooooo, Fandomites in Africa. As you return to our lovely island today, I want to make sure you know that I have taken over and am the acting Pharaoh of Phandom, which is now spelled with a 'Ph' for symmetry and acidity tests. So when you come back, remember, you owe me a tribute of either a really good knock knock joke (no 'orange' knock-offs, okay?), an attractive nurse, or one million dollars, which will help make up for the lack of either of the first two options. Leave the payment at the Ziggurat in the middle of town that I have made my new captiol building.

For those of you who've been in Fandom this whole time, SHHH! Don't tell them the truth! It would be so much less fun.

( I accidentally stayed up until 5 AM playing video games so let's get this out before I pass out radio! )

Yakko: Hello, friends. This is Yakko Warner with a very special guest for today's episode of WTFH Pirate Radio. Now, in the time you've known me, you may have that that I'm somewhat impulsive... a little bizarre... a weeeeeeee tiny bit insane.

Well, no more! I bring to you now my very own personal Parents Weekend guest, Doctor Otto von Scratchansniff, my psychiatrist!

Scratchansniff: Oooh, eet's so bright in here. Vait, I'm out of the box? SUNLIGHT!

Yakko: This man will have me cured of all of my various issues before the end of the broadcast or your money back!

Scratchansniff: They pay for this radio, Yakko?

Yakko: Hmm. Good point, Scratchy. Okay, Doctor Scratchansniff will cure me before the end of this episode or he'll have to marry me! Is that legal here? We'll have a squirrel look into it.

Scratchansniff: A squirrel? Vhat are you-- AHHHHHH! ZHERE IS A SQUIRREL PUTTING A VEIL ON ME!

Yakko: Jumping the gun a bit there, but let's get started anyway!

( Psychiatrist Radio! )

*peppy piano music plays*

LIFE IN FANDOM
An Instructional Recapping of Events as Reported by Yakko Warner

Welcome to Fandom, a town of many dozens of people, some of whom you never see outside of a work context. You may be wondering, "How can I become a busy and social citizen without having to risk my life fighting a monster or animal?" It's easy, friend.

( Radio in the style of a 1950's educational film. For some reason. )

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FANDOM! That's right, for the second straight Sunday - and hopefully many more once we get past this tryout period - you have the pleasure of hearing me, Yakko Warner, tell you all about what you did yesterday. Aren't you lucky?

In case you're new to this, Saturdays tend to be quiet days - or insanely loud days, it depends on the week - and so I spice things up for your listening pleasure by singing a little song. More bang for your buck, more fear for your deer! But enough people spent time on the dorm roof watching our very own West Karolina eat a Pop Tart that a classic recap song would be too unwieldy. So that's what you get for getting out and doing stuff! Or, if you don't like my songs, that's what you get for getting out and doing stuff. It cuts both ways, like scissors with a poor sense of direction.

( No singing, no dancing, just recapping the day's events radio )

Hey, everyone! Yakko here, and I've got an alligator sandwich waiting for me, so let's make this snappy.

( In which even a non-schtick Yakko radio gets away from me. )

*music starts*

Good morning, Fandom
The squirrels say hello
You did stuff yesterday
So let's start the show

( Don't follow the music too closely. I freestyle slightly. It's my right. )

*music starts*

You weren't really sure what this place would be
You certainly didn't expect a town like this
So may I introduce to you, so gratefully
To the kookiest place you could ever wish...

( The whole thing isn't a song parody, I swear. )

*harbor noises* *bells dinging*

Welcome to our Sunday News Boat Tour. My name is Yakko and I'll be your tour guide today. Before we get going, I'd like to remind you to keep your head, hands, feet, and rest of your body inside the boat at all times. If at any point during the tour you lose one of these body parts, please see me and I'll see what some duct tape and papier mache can do. If you don't know how to swim, please do not dive off into the ocean. If you believe you're listening to the radio instead of participating in a boat tour, please see your local p-sychiatrist, as you clearly need one. We'll be off in just a second and...

*engine kicks into gear*

Oh, there we go. Let's get started.

( Written while falling asleep at the airport. Huzzah! )

HELLOOOOOOOOOOO FANDOM! It's official! I, Yakko Warner, am your Saturday morning cartoon this summer! So gather round your radios and I'll tell you all a story. I call it, 'What Happened Yesterday.'

( Yes, I think I'm clever for that 'Saturday morning cartoon thing' )