WTFH

What in the--squirrels? Why are there squirrels in my sitting room? Yes, I know you're Fandom squirrels, I'm just not sure why you're--you brought recording equipment. You want me to read the news. You couldn't find anyone on the island to read it? Lugging equipment all the way to bloody Glacia was really your best idea? Hold on, they're handing me a note. Apparently the normal guy is on a boat and the squirrels get seasick and their other options...were on break, really needed the sleep, and have mice? What in the Hell--wait a minute, these notes are from break. If you could take notes there, you could--

*Overlapping chittering*

Oh never mind. Give me the notes and let's get through this. I'm warning you, though. Wake up the children and I'm telling them you're toys.

Nothing at the School because of Spring Break, and nothing in Dorms because of the same. Well, that makes it easy. That leaves Town where Peter Octavian was at Covent Gardens making Easter bouquets. Aww, Covent Gardens is open again? That's nice. No idea who this Peter guy is, though, proving that it's been too long since my last visit. And at the Magic Box, Jenkins--another stranger--needed tea after a long phone call. We've all been there, darling. Is the tea shop still open? They were good for a calming brew.

Then, on break, where the squirrels absolutely could have found someone to read for them, morning was once again gorgeous and...filled with sushi. Or at least a pool was. Cara and Surreal, thank the Darkness, names I recognize, had a lazy morning in their room, talking about tormenting a student. Fine Fandom tradition, that. In a giant, 30-person jacuzzi--oooh, there's an idea to share with Warren--Hyacinthe was trying to make a llama share. Oh and the llama's name is Kuzco. Ooof, terrible time to be an animal, kid, sorry. Kitty was kitesurfing, which sounds fun and Ada was off shopping in town. Ahsoka was a clever girl and took advantage of the baths. Rufus and Peridot were rock-climbing without a harness, which sounds dangerous, and Dante was gliding around those same boulders like a paper airplane.

Pure poetry there, squirrels.

That evening also had plenty to do, like sitting and reading like Shiemi was doing and being sad about the roast iguana for dinner, like Kitty. And that's the note I'll be leaving you on, Fandom. Have fun, people I've mostly never met!

Karla: You're back. Why are you back? Go back to the island. I'm kind of busy here.

*Chittering*

Because the scary lady who flangs now has guns and you do not want? Flangs? That's not a word, do you mean fangs?

Chittering*

Did you just compare me to Autocorrect? Well, your mother was a hamster, how you like that?

*Emphatic chittering*

Oh, yeah? How'd you like to become a pair of mangy gloves? I'm sure I can think of several people I don't like that could use a squirrel-skin muff.

*Angry chittering*

You take that back right now or I'll--

Lord Mallory: Lady, please could you stop arguing with your, err, guests? Winsol is only a few weeks away and we still have much to finalize for our celebrations.

*Smug chittering*

Karla: No, you're not guests, you're drunken annoyances. He's my Steward, he was just being polite. But fine. Hand over the notes and we'll get this done. I suppose it can't be any more annoying than going over aristo correspondence. ( Surprisingly somber radio )

Look, folks. Unless you know how to use a gun, you shouldn't have one, no matter how cheap and easy they are to buy. Otherwise, you're just going to end up hurting innocent people with them. Or yourself. Or both. If nothing else, maybe you should try to figure out who's handing guns out like candy before buying a bunch? Shocking, I know, but not everyone has the purest of motives, okay?

And if anyone wants to get off the island before things get weirder, take a portal to Glacia. If your instincts are telling you to bail, do it. Don't worry about the cost of a portal. We'll find some way to cover it.

Good luck, stay safe, and remember that Caritas has anti-violence wards.