[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Jessica: Welcome to WTFH, Fandom's Pirate Radio Station. This is Jessica Drew, bringing you the news on everything that happened yesterday.

James: No.

Jessica: No what?

James: This is my final broadcast. You don't get to be part of it.

Jessica: Sorry, partner. I bribed the squirrels with rum, so I stay.

James: I could run you out of this radio station before you have time to blink.

Jessica: Try it.

James: Okay*PEW**POW*OW! Geez! Fine! Fine! Ugh, I hate you.

Jessica: That's hurtful. I'm hurt, deep down inside. But on the surface outside, I know it's tim to read the news!

Sorry, newbies. You're on your own trying to understand what's going on. )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Hey, guess what. People graduated. I've got a hangover. This has been your radio broadcast for today.


Hahahaha, nope, I hid your taser. What are you gonna do about it? Not tase me, that's what.

Wait, what are you doing? Okay, where did you hide a Galaxy? That thing's the size of my face. You aren't. Where did you... Who are you calling?

No, seriously, who are you--

*door opens*

Jessica: You calle-OH MY GOD?

James: OH MY GOD! This is a private place!

Jessica: Do you broadcast naked every week?

James: It makes me feel more comfortable!

Jessica: Go. Dress.

James: But--

Jessica: Go! Dress!

James: *PEW*

Jessica: And squirrels, do me a favor and get me some rum? I need to pour it in my eyes. Gah. Ugh. Gah. *glug* Okay, so, I'm Jessica Drew and this is WTFH Pirate Radio. I've been called in to help out because your regular Sunday host was hungover and naked and seriously, what the crapping crap.

Prepare for trouble! Make it double! Jessica! James! Pirate Radio, blast off at the speed of light! Surrender now, or prepare to fight! )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Okay, so, I'm light on notes today. So we're going to play a little game. I'm going to read the notes as fast as I can and this wretched little squirrel next to me --


-- is going to shotgun a bottle of rum and we're gonna see who finishes first.. I have no idea how you'd even do shotgun a glass bottle of rum, but this little psycho is talking a big game.

And don't worry, the less drunk squirrels will be slowing the tape down and immediately re-airing the broadcast in case you can't listen in super-speed.

So, count of three. Ready?




*HORN!* )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
So, one more week then finals then we're done? Sounds nice. Let's speed through yesterday and move onto the future!

Cut for party times )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Okay everyone, last night was prom. Hopefully some people got lucky. If you didn't, hopefully you got drunk at the punch bowl.


Screw you, I'm the best teacher.

Prom Radio! )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Boy, yesterday was crazy, wasn't it? I was on tech support literally all day trying to get my computer fixed. Turns out, it was loaded with viruses.

I'm not going to tell you how I got that many viruses on my computer.

You can probably guess, though. It was porn.

Oh, hey, people are back to normal. If any of those people know how to get this many viruses off a computer, let me know, okay? I have to make this clear, though. You're going to have to sign a disclaimer about the kinds of things you might see while you're doing that stuff. NDA. I'll make sure you're well paid for the effort and your silence.


Okay, whatever, let's get on with this big news day.

You really don't want to know what kind of OH WAIT I MEAN BDE FINALE RADIO! )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Good news/bad news. Bad news is that I still don't have boobs or anything else that would be an awesome change of pace for a few days until somebody else fixes this stuff. Good news is that nobody did anything yesterday so I don't have to say too much about your cool things. So take that, suckers. Lets' do this.

Cut for the sake of unnecessary cuts! )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
You know, as I dig through my notes, I'm realizing that probably most of the people in this town aren't the people I've met before. Which, whatever, I can live with. But let's simplify things.

If you're a person who's supposed to be in THIS particular Fandom, go ahead and put on a cowbell. If you show up somewhere and DON'T have a cowbell, we'll know that you're different. I'll be somewhere in town with a whole mess of cowbells later today. You can find me by listening for a whole mess of cowbells. Deal?

And yes, that's going to be my complete contribution to the recovery effort. Figure out the rest yourselves.

I've got a fever. And the only cure. Is more cowbell. )</>
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Breaking News: I'm still an American, all of my body parts are where they're supposed to be, and that includes my very special parts that I'm still happy to share with any ladies of legal age who might be listening yadda yadda.

So, we done with that bit? Good. Let's get onto the rest of what happened around town.


On the second floor, Cecil was watching extra TV with his extra eye that he totally always had no really I believe you. Amelia was less sure of that and started asking pointed questions about the third eye, probably because I don't think I've ever heard of her and that either means she's new to this place and the fact that some people have ALWAYS had third eyes for reals, or I'm doing a much better job with not remembering names than I thought. Seriously, if she's been here all semester and I've never even heard of her in passing, I'm giving myself a reward.


The reward is fine Scotch and I'm drinking it now. No time to fact check! I'm at work!


And far away from the students, we had James Bond eating pastries and drinking coffee out on the front steps, because that's just what you do in winter. But he disagreed with my definition of winter - look at a calendar! - when A-err-wynn stopped by and asked WTF.


You're kidding me, it's pronounced 'Erin'? I'd call this whole Aeryn thing ridiculous but I just realized that I figured out what the squirrel was saying when it corrected my pronunciation, so I'm just going to start drinking and never stop, k?

At the Arms, Nikolai took a phone call from one of his clients and wasn't as supportive as I'd want if I was a coked up Hollywood type. Mostly because of the coke. I'm guessing.

Cecil seemed way too cheery at Curiosities as he unpacked kewpie dolls. And yes, they were creepy.

Turns out, most of the real action of the day was at the Boards, where Drac was holding auditions between phone calls for some hotel somewhere that's not here. Sparks and Kenzi had a discussion about aditioning here, elsewhere, some Canadian names I think, and I don't know what else because both Canada and the stage are places I'm happy knowing nothing about. It got easier to follow when Sparks told Kenzi about the little warehouse girl he adopted, probably not legally.

Then Sparks had his audition which was so great that Drac told him he's President. Okay, exaggeration. He just told Sparks to train other actors because he's that good.

Jono showed up for Drac to be introduced to his lack of a head, making Drac one, ONE confused Count. Ah ah ah.

Shut up, it's comedy gold.

Drac continued to be slow on the uptake when Kenzi told him about her long history of dancing before they moved on to talking about her audition.

Okay, that's it, still no boobs on my chest and memory intact. Hashtag winning.
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
So, the thing about this whole relationship here with me and you, the listener, is that I learn stuff from the squirrels, then I tell you about them in my way. Well, I don't need the squirrels for something here.

Top Story: women in this town are nuts. And before anyone starts accusing me of being misogynistic for saying that, I want to make it completely clear that I fear for my life from these absinthe-swishing, leech-carrying, death-eyed, Cheryl Tunty women and honestly think that they need five shrinks each. Derek, please put more locks on my door, okay, buddy?

Mindy and Sarah? I'm sorry I wasn't nicer so I could latch onto you like a freaking lamprey before I met some of these chicks.

And now the rest of your news!

Date Night Radio! )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Okay, boys and girls and boys that are now girls. It's time for your news. Top story today, my boobs. They're awesome and I'm going to miss them when they're gone.

Second story, if there are any consenting adult ladies who are questioning certain things about themselves, 555-SDMN. Serious inquiries only, please.

And now to the rest of the news. No one should really be surprised by this. )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Hi. This is James Sanders, here on my brand new regular day of radio. Breaking news: this place blows.

No, Seriously, It Blows Radio )
[identity profile] usedtowhizz.livejournal.com
Hahahahahaha, seriously, somebody's letting me do this? Okay, can't wait to see who gets fired over this one.

My name is James and I'll be your radio host today.

Supervillain Radio! )

Fandom High RPG

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