WTFH

Hey, Fandom. Jessica Drew here. Why? I'm not sure. All I know is that when a squirrel wakes you up by jumping on your head and handing you a Perk gift card to keep you up, it's in your best interest to just get some coffee and go to the radio station.

So let's just hit this hard and fast and then we can all get on with our day.

Hey, something happened in the school on a Sunday. Face was doing some class research during his library shift, only to be interrupted by a raven dropping a note explaining Cassandra's upcoming absence. Well, that's polite. Good message bird.

And in town, Isabelle was apparently too cool to be excited about her first day at work at Wonka's - that's pretty on the nose, guys - but she did seem happy about getting an honest day's wage at a regular job.

That's all. Now if you'll excuse me, I have coffee to finish drinking.

You know the drill by this point in the summer. Me Jessica, this radio, you listening.

( Cut for town stuff )

Hey there, dames and gents. It's that time yet again, where I get to peek into everything you've been doing and either telling you all about it or keeping some things quiet for later financial negotiation. As always, you know me as The Voice In the Darkness., coming into the light for you this fine Sunday.

Let's get started, shall we? It was a busy - if cloudy and rainy - day, after all, and your secrets just can't wait to be exposed.

( But who is behind the Voice in the Darkness? Will anyone figure it out? )</>

Hello, Fandom and Ingvar! This is Jessica News, which would be my pen name if I were going to be a secretive blogger.

Anyway, stuff happened yesterday.

( That stuff! )

So. FYI, I've got one note here. It just says that Tamsin was cranky and made Ralph cry at the Trooper's Station. And normally I'd make a few jokes and just end things early, but there's a situation here at the station.

There's a teal deer here in the studio and - bear with me, his demands have had to be translated into squirrel and then English so there's a chance that I'm losing some of the nuance of his letter - but this deer is demanding that I talk for a solid five minutes or else he will paint himself - guys, that's not how you spell "fuchsia" - he will paint himself fuchsia.

His note says that he is the first of many teal deer who will paint themselves a different color. Some may be maroon, some may even be red and green polka dots - that is weirdly specific - but according to this note, they will not stand for exceptionally short radio broadcasts any longer.

I haven't been able to confirm whether this deer speaks for the greater teal deer community of Fandom, but right now I'm choosing to take his threats seriously. I just want it to be known that we here at WTFH, Fandom's Pirate Radio, support whatever color our special deer embrace for themselves, but we do not advocate using such personal beliefs as threats against such a rich tradition of natural coloration. And as such... *FSSST* *FSSST* *THWAPTHWAP* GO GO GO!

Fandom, we have the paint can and the teal deer has been secured. I'll see to it that he gets the help he deserves.

Good day, Fandom. And good luck with your wildlife experiences today.

Hey, everyone. It was a pretty quiet day overall, so I'll make this quick and dirty. That's probably poor phrasing. I have no notes about people doing anything dirty, and even if I did, I'd clean things up.

So, the quick and clean news!

( If you want to make it dirty, just pretend that everyone's naked. )

*Achoo*

Hey everyone. Jessica Drew here. *Achoo* And her cold. Let's just get through things asap so I can nap and you can not listen to me bieng stuffed up. Fortunately, it was a quiet day around town, so the stars are lining up.

( Method Radio! )

We've got all kinds of scheduling going on this week, Fandom. And that means that you're getting me, Jessica Drew, a day later than usual. I'd like to say that I'm trying for an eventual radio broadcast Bingo, so I will, even if it's not at all true.

( Cut for the start of a brand new year. )

Hey, everyone! Welcome to the final day of the semester. I'm Jessica Drew, your day-displaced tour guide to yesterday's news. Let's get right to it, shall we? I think we shall.

( Finals and Dorms and Polar Bears, Oh My! )

Hey guys. Jessica Drew here for WTFH and top story, I've got a headache. I'm being a real trooper and hanging in there, but I can't say that I'm doing it in a dignified fashion. I am, after all, bribing squirrels to bring me aspirin.

So let's just get going with this stuff, shall we? ( Method Radio )

Hello, Fandom. Are you there? It's me, Jessica.

And here ends Book Title Reference Theater. And now, the news.

( Cut for me wanting to nap, which is weird, because it's late enough that I should want to sleep. )

It's Wednesday, so that means you have to put up with Jessica Drew on the radio again. You'll deal with it somehow, I'm sure. Because I believe in you.

( Yep, that's how we're starting this week. )

Jessica Drew here, ready for my first Wednesday radio in this hemisphere. And if you don't mind - or even if you do - I'm just going to dive straight into the news.

( Nick is so tired Radio )

Jessica: Hey, everyone. This is Jessica Drew, representing the Fandom High Student Council, reporting all of the news from yesterday to the people of Fandom and their families. I hope you'll be able to join us at brunch in the park this morning, shortly after this broadcast.

Miles: Do I have to tag along with you there, too?

Jessica: Yep! Introduce yourself so we can get started.

Miles: I'm Miles Morales. Jessica's captive this weekend.

Jessica: You weren't before, but I am Student Council President. I can issue an executive order to put you into Student Council Jail.

Miles: You don't really have that, do you?

Jessica: Nah, the best we've got is the shame corner of the studio where the squirrels will just tsk at you for a couple minutes. And now the news!

( Ultimate Spider-Radio )

Hey, everyone. It's Jessica Drew and I have like one page of news. Apparently everyone was very busy playing hide and seek with the squirrels yesterday. Congrats. You all won!

( Cut for filler! )

Hi there. This is Jessica Drew once again with the news that hopefully everyone is used to by now.

( Radio with a side of StuCo campaigning. VOTE DREW! )

*chittering* *chittering* *chitte--*

Sorry, sorry, sorry, caught the red-eye portal... or whatever you'd call that. There was a weird detour, in Antarctica, I met an angry penguin, it was weird.

Anyway, news and it's all town-based action.

( Cut For Sowness )

Good morning, Fandom. This is Jessica Drew with a slow news day. How slow is it, exactly?

I was working hard at Stark's. Dani fixed some shark damage at The Gig. And Nikolai was goofing off at The Arms Hotel because it was slow there, too.

Today should pick up since the big campground move is happening, and we get to find out what exactly is waiting for us there.

Well, that's -- *sound of door slamming* *chittering*

I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but it seems like there are a lot of squirrels marching into the broadcast booth. Wow, that is a lot of squirrels. *chittering* What's this? Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been handed a note. It says, "Hello, Fandom, and welcome to SquirrelStock 2013: A Telethon. We are thirsty, and the rum we have is not enough. We will be here on the radio and at the station all day performing. Please bring donations in cash and/or rum to the radio station so that we may drink a lot."

I should point out that 'a lot' is underlined like eight times.

And now the squirrels are lifting me up and carrying me out. They are taking over. Bring them their rum! Bring them-- *chittering*

*squirrels singing as music plays*

[OOC: A slow day turns into this somehow. When I wake up, I'll put up a townies post where people can come watch the festivities if they want, for some reason.]

Jessica: Hi, everyone. Um, I have a special guest with me today. It's the alternate reality version of my cousin, Peter, who graduated from Fandom High back in 2008.

Peter: Hey. I actually did one or two of these back in the day with Jaye. And now that I'm back, I want to apologize for not hugging her more.

Jessica: Well, here's a hug from me to make up for that.

Ahem. Okay, we do have notes, and they are lengthy, so we should probably get started.

( Spiders-Radio )

Hey, everyone. This is Jessica Drew. And I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like I did nothing last week, but it just dragged on and on and on.... Although, if these notes can be believed, only half of it was true for the non-me parts of Fandom yesterday.

Which half? You decide!

( Oh, blessed quiet day, post-deadline hell! )

This is Jessica Drew from a remote location once again because boy are those squirrels good.

( Live from a Canon Catchup )

Are you there, Fandom? It's me, Jessica. And I have all the news from yesterday that's fit to be spoken aloud over speakers all around town.

You might be asking yourself if there was anything going on inside the school building yesterday. The answer would be 'no.' So your next inclination would be to wonder what happened in the dorms and at the campsite. The answer would be 'nothing.'

So now you have to be wondering, 'Did anything happen yesterday, Jess? Did an entire day pass without anyone doing anything? Are we stuck in a cosmic bubble, where no actions are allowed? Would known physics even allow for such a thing?'

And the answer there is, 'Whoah, slow down, I'd need to do some very complicated math to even get started on that last question, but it's moot anyway because all kinds of things were happening in town!'

And you might need clarification. 'All kinds of things?'

And the answer would be, 'Okay, some kinds of things. And before you ask me another question, let me tell you what kinds of things specifically.'

( Personal things, for the most part. )

Hey guys. This is Jessica Drew with the news and the worst fucking headache. Seriously, we'll get to the little party thing I through yesterday, and it was great, but holy hell does my head hurt after that.

That's unrelated to anything I drank, I swear.

( Hungover Radio! )