WTFH

Hiya kids. Pip Bernadette here with all the interesting things that happened today at Fandom. In the interests of time, those will be broadcast last, after all the boring crap that makes up our usual day.

I’m only kidding, of course. Nothing interesting actually happened.


In a follow up to last night’s broadcast, there was some confusion regarding the sexuality of the broadcasters. This, coupled with Lee and John’s awkward morning situation has led me to elect to settle the matters on my sexuality here and now before any confusion is caused.

I am, in fact, straight. I’m just French. It’s an easy mistake to make.


School. ‘Cause we’re supposed to be here for learning. And stuff.

The Music Class learned about great American music and only great American music, which proves my theory that everyone here is an American-Centric bastard and I hate you all.

Sorry, Frenchness. Won’t happen again.

Professor Tick taught his ACJ students Bugs Bunny’s place in justice, apparently being where, after being tried by a jury of their peers, criminals will be punished by having anvils dropped on them. This is after they are seduced by vice cops in drag. Who are anthropomorphic rabbits. I know I’d be seduced by one.

Dr. Grissoms’ sex Culture class talked about Aphrodite, goddess of love Read. We talked about Aphrodite, Goddess of sex. To the disappointment of the class, the lab portion of the sex class has not been reached yet, though they’ve been spared a demonstration by Dr. Grissom.

So far.

The Chemistry Class met. As did Foreign Lit, Creature Language, Speech 201, Political Campaigning, Intro to Archaeology, and History of Medieval England. One of the teachers was out, so Bus Law and HR Management had to watch an episode of "The Apprentice". My heart goes out to you guys. Really.

Principal Smith had nothing to say today, rather unusual for him, but he did comment on Fowl behavior I will be addressing momentarily. He also has stated that Victor, Walter, Pippi, and myself are in serious trouble. For the curious, we duct taped the ever present golf cart to the wall outside of his office. I highly recommend that it be used as his new inbox, as it is both spacious and stylish. And, in a pinch, his inbox can be taken down from the wall and used to drive to places. Very, very slowly.

Also Student council met for the first time. I was there myself as a student council member, so allow me to sum it up for you.

It was boring. We had clever ideas. We voted on President. I found myself saddled with another person to teach self defense to. The end.

Chicken Wars. Part III Revenge of the Poultry

So, we all know about Marty’s new freaky blue dog right?

Well, said blue dog Opened up a crate filled with chickens and let the damn things loose all over the school.

Now, I’d be annoyed. But I thought it was damn hilarious. I mean, come on. It’s an army of chickens. I’ve been in combat more than once, mes amis, but I’ve never fought an army of chickens. I saw we mobilize them and use their combined chickeny might to take over the world. The only thing that could, conceivably, stop us is an army of geese. We could simply turn the ducks into paté, but geese.

Oh, those geese. So… wild. So… geese like. I shudder to think at the sheer power and terror of a geese army.

Anyway, said chickens cause a whole mess of chicken related problems.

In non-chicken related news, though why on earth anyone would care about stuff non-chicken related is beyond me, Anders suggested that Bel and Angel kiss because they bicker so much. Now, I’m only mildly acquainted with the two gentlemen kissing and have no clue in hell who Anders is, but the last broadcast had homoerotic subtext out the yin-yang and I’ll be damned before I’m outdone in homoerotic subtext.

Also, my doppelganger is back, his arm in a sling. Everyone go say high to him and poke his right eye out so one of us can be the other one’s evil twin. ‘Course, that would also mean one of us would have to grow a goatee. Which would make me even sexier, and I am required by the Geneva Convention to keep my sexiness below certain pre-mandated levels, lest the entire female population of the world try to rip my clothes off all at once. A horrible fate, to be sure.

Oh Little Town Of FAAAAAANDOM… HAM

As you can see, I should not be singing. Neither, we learn, should John Connor Maybe it’s the military upbringing thing. It makes us bad singers. Well, for me it's the cigarettes. I don't know what John's excuse is.

Also, the the mysterious water balloon assailant is still on the loose. With the assailants amazing stealth skills, I suspect that a band of ninjas are the culprits. Which means the owner of this station better watch his piritanical ass.

Finally, Togusa’s Tachikoma found a small, demonic dog wandering in the park. If my roommate chooses to bring this dog home, it will combine with all the other pets here, including the tank, which is way, way, way too cute for a tank, to create a massive cuteness vortex that will suck us all in, forcing us to be in thrall to the cuteness for the rest of eternity. This has been presented in the highest levels of the administration as a way of counteracting the chicken army.


Oh, before I go. Walter? Lee still doesn’t believe England exists. I think he lives in room 216. He also, apparently, has *coughs* Mighty Arms O’ Manly Muscle. *coughs* So watch out. Yet he cannot bench press as much as Pippi. Make of this what you will.

This is Pip Bernadette signing off, my freaky darlings. And remember, under my command, our mighty and ruthless chicken army will take utilize the power of the cuteness vortex to take over the world! This is all true.