[identity profile] death-n-binky.livejournal.com
COWER MERE MORT... AHEM. I MEAN, GOODEVENING FELLOW STUDENTS. FOR WHOM THE BELL REALLY TOLLS, THIS IS DEATH, BRINGING YOU TODAY'S EVENING BROADCAST IN AN ENTIRELY NON-PROFESSIONAL CAPACITY.

THE BELL TOLLS FOR YOU

FIRST, PRINCIPLE SMITH ANNOUNCES THE NEW STUDENT COUNCIL THIS MORNING. THE WINNERS INCLUDE BLAIR SANDBURG, PIPPI LONGSTOCKING, PIP BERNADETTE, ISABEL EVANS, PETER PARKER, LILLY KANE, ELIZABETH WEIRD, ALANNA TREBOND, M. PARKER, ANGEL, CALLISTO AND CHLOE SULLIVAN. I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND A SPECIAL CONGRATULATIONS TO PIPPI ESPECIALLY FOR HER IMPECCABLE FASHION SENSE AND SENSITIVITY TO THE ZOMBIE AGENDA. HE ALSO MENTIONED A DISLIKE FOR HIS CURRENT INTERIOR DECORATING SCHEME. I WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT BE REDONE IN COLORS MORE TO HIS LIKING, PERHAPS IN ACCORDANCE WITH UPCOMING HOLIDAYS.

IN CLASSES TODAY, ARCHAEOLOGY DISCUSS PITT-RIVERS, WHOM I CAN ASSURE THEM IS QUITE DEAD DESPITE HIS PENCHANT FOR ORGANIZATION. WESTERN CIVILIZATIONS, ART HISTORY, AND SEX CULTURES ALL DISCUSS ANCIENT EGYPT. INTERESTINGLY, NOT ONE CAN EXPLAIN TO ME WHY FELINE IMAGERY IS CONSIDERED... SEXY?... YES, THAT IS THE TERM. I WAS NOT AWARE THAT CATS AND HUMANS WERE COMPATIBLE. MEANWHILE, ARTHURIAN TRADITIONS AND HISTORY OF MEDIEVAL ENGLAND COMPLETELY IGNORE THE TOPIC OF FELINE REPRODUCTIVE PRACTICES.

STUDENTS IN STUDIO ART AND CREATIVE WRITING EXERCISE THEIR CREATIVE GENIUS. I REALLY MUST RECOMMEND A BERET FOR THOSE ASPIRING TO BE ARTISTIC. AFTER ALL, HOW CAN ONE BE A PROPER FREE SPIRIT IF ONE IS NOT PROPERLY ATTIRED? FOREIGN LITERATURE STUDENTS CONTENT THEMSELVES TO STUDYING THE CREATIVE GENIUS OF OTHERS FOR LACK OF PROPER ARTISTIC HEAD GEAR.

POLITICAL CAMPAIGNING TALKS ABOUT CAMPAIGN OUTLINES, WHICH FOCUSED VERY LITTLE ON THE IMPORTANCE OF FASHION AS A TOOL OF POLITICAL CHANGE. HIGHLY DISAPPOINTING. SPEECH CLASS DISCUSSES PROPER MODES OF ORAL COMMUNICATION FOR THOSE MORE LINGUALLY INCLINED, WHILE BIOLOGY AND CHEMISTRY LEARN ABOUT THE MEANING OF LIFE. HOWEVER, I'M AFRAID TO SAY, IT ALL ENDS THE SAME. FINALLY, BUSINESS LAW, CRIMINAL JUSTICE AND JOURNALISM ALL WORK TOWARDS SOCIETAL BENEFIT, WHILE STILL FAILING TO ADDRESS THE OPPRESSION OF THE VITALITY CHALLENGED IN OUR OWN MIDST? I ASK YOU, BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN UNDEAD LIBERATION, WHAT IS THE ADMINISTRATION DOING ABOUT THIS GROSS OVERSIGHT! THERE MUST BE JUSTICE AND FASHION FOR ALL!

FOR THOSE CONCERNED ABOUT THE STYLISTIC OPPRESSION OF OUR UNBREATHING BRETHREN, SEVERAL TEACHERS HOLD OFFICE HOURS. PLEASE PETITION YOUR LOCAL INSTRUCTOR OR ADMINISTRATOR.

IN THE LIBRARY THERE IS A ANGEL DISCOVERS ESPRESSO BEANS. UNFORTUNATELY, THEY DO NOT SEEM TO COME IN CURRY FLAVORS. THE CAFETERIA ALSO SEEMS TO LACK CURRY, ALTHOUGH I AM SURE THERE ARE MANY INTERESTING USES FOR THESE CHEETOS. AT THE CLINIC TODAY, SUSAN STARTS HER FIRST DAY AS COUNSELOR. I WONDER, PERHAPS, IF SHE COULD EXPLAIN TO MY DIFFICULTY IN... MATTERS OF THE CIRCULATORY SYSTEM.


IT'S TIME TO START LIVING


THE DORMS TODAY APPEAR TO BE RIFE WITH GLANDULAR STRIFE. HARRY IS HAVING GIRL TROUBLE, AND IS SEEKING THE HELP OF DRACO. CAREFUL HARRY - NEVER TRUST ANYONE WHO IS UNKIND TO KITTENS. SAWYER AND PAIGE ARE REUNITED WHILE LANA MOVES HERSELF OUT. ALSO, BLAIR SEEMS TO BE HAVING SOME DIFFICULTY NAMING HIS PLANT. I WONDER IF HE HAS TRIED ASKING FOR ITS NAME YET. PLANTS ARE VERY SENSITIVE CREATURES, AFTER ALL.

JOHN AND AERYN HAVE A LONG DISCUSSION OUTSIDE THE DORMS WHILE MARTY HAS ONE OF HIS OWN. PERHAPS THEY COULD HAVE USED ONE OF RORY'S VERY HELPFUL NOTES. EITHER THAT OR JAZZ HANDS. JAZZ HANDS ARE VERY GOOD FOR THE CHI.

THE WORLD AT LARGE

LILLY KANE IS ALSO SUFFERING FROM MATTERS OF THE CIRCULATORY SYSTEM AND IS SEEKING SOLACE AT CARITAS AMONG THE USUAL SINGING AND DISCUSSION. THE RARE BOOKS SHOP IS ALSO BUSY, WITH PEOPLE COMING AND GOING. I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT GHOSTS ARE PEOPLE TOO.

ALSO, THERE IS A BALLOON SCOURGE TERRORIZING THE TOWN. IT WOULD BE RECOMMENDED THAT ALL STUDENTS WEAR PROTECTIVE CLOTHING WHEN VENTURING OUT OF DOORS. ONE WOULD NOT WANT TO CATCH THEIR DEATH OF COLD.

THIS CONCLUDES YOUR NIGHTLY BROADCAST. UNTIL WE MEET PROFESSIONALLY, KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE FASHIONABLE WHITE BALL, WHERE EVER HE MIGHT BE.

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