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Topher: Holy shit. Am I the first one here for once?


Topher: Yeah, but Peter's always the first one here. It's like his thing.

Jeff: … No! No! Squirrels--!

Topher: You're not Peter.

Jeff: … No, I just roomed with him when I went to school here.

Topher: No you didn't. That was that drug guy.

Jeff: Yes, I did! I did room with Peter. Squirrels, tell him!


Topher: That's not English they're speaking, you know.

Jeff: How long have you been doing this? How is it you can’t speak squirrel yet?

Topher: are so weird.

the flailiest radio you ever did see )

Jeff: You’re really weird, you know that?

Topher: ...I like Peter way better than you. Way better.

Jeff: Well, I like Peter better than you, too.
[identity profile]
Arthur: Good evening, Fandom. I don't speak for the authorities of your island, but I must warn you that there are reports of horrid creatures shambling about tonight. Please don't venture outside without an escort, it's very dangerous. I'm sure the local knights will handle it with skill.

*noise of door opening*

Jeff: ZOMBIES! There's actual zombies out there!

Arthur: ...And who in the name of God are you?

Jeff: I'm Jeff!

Arthur: Well, that clearly explains it. Why not. Merlin. Make yourself useful.

Merlin: You want me to read these things again?

Arthur: We've more important things to warn people about than classes, yes, so get through them.

Welsh Radio of the Zombie Kind. )
Ray: Hey! You two! Clear out!

*door opens*

Arthur: And who are you?

Ray: Ray Kowalski, Fandom PD. There's zombies out there, you kids should be locked up in the dorms snug'n safe.

Arthur: Sir Ray. We'll be returning to the dorms shortly, but Jeff here is in need of an escort.

Ray: ...Heh. Sir Ray. *snerk* Cute. Um. Sure. Escort for Jeff. You wanna help me escort him, ...?

Arthur: Prince Arthur of Camelot.

Ray: Yeah. Crazy island. Wanna help me 'escort' him, your Highness?

Arthur: Of course. But first I must see to my manservant, before he gets his head bitten off.

Ray: Yeah, you snag him, too. *pause* Is this thing still running? I've got--

[identity profile]
Turtle: Good evening, Fellow Fandomites, and happy holidays! You're listening, as usual, to Turtle Wexler Friday Nights, but there's something very special about this particular Friday night. I've got a guest! Say hi to everyone, guest.

Jeff: *distant voice that sounds like he's miles away from the camera* ...hi everyone. It's radio!

Turtle: *whispers* Closer to the mic, Jeff. It doesn't bite, remember?

Jeff: *still distant* I've still got allergies, Turtle!

Turtle: *long pause* Right. The allergies. How could I forget. Well, you do remember how to read the notes, right, Jeff?

Jeff: I can read them from here. If I squint a bit. Did that say 'squirrel mousse'?

Turtle: *sigh* I'll start.

Return of Turtle/Jeff Radio! )

Jeff: Can you please make them stop? *thwok* OW! *thwok* *thwok thwok*

Turtle: HEY SQUIRRELS, QUIT IT. You know, the notes are done, Jeff, we could just leave.

Jeff: I'm never doing this again! *thwok* I knew I shouldn't have left the dorms on a bank holiday! *scrambles*

Turtle: ...come on, Jeff! Good night, Fandom, and have a prosperous tomorrow!
[identity profile]
Good evening, fellow Fandomites! Man, it seems like forever since I've said that! I guess that can happen when you're stuck as a turtle, but that Adah girl did, well. It was nice of her to cover, that's all I'll say.
In the important news, Jeff? Is still a rock and hidden in a bag where no one can see him, safely beside me at the studio here because, trust me. Not something you want to randomly happen across, thinking, "Oh, a bag. I wonder what could--OH GOOD LORD WHAT IS THAT? I CANNOT UNSEE IT!!!"

That's bad.

What's not bad, though, is news. So let's get to it.

Because everyone missed Turtle, ADMIT IT. )

Oh! And good night, Fandom, and have a prosperous tomorrow.

I...wonder if I might. *COUGH*


[[ We're drunk. Well, I know I am; I can't speak for my amazing guest tonight, but I can touch her if I wanna. Mwa ha ha. ]]
[identity profile]
Jeff: Er, h-- hi. It's Jeff, and, er, what I'm trying to say is, er...

Turtle: Hi, folks. Jeff's trying to say that this is his last formal radio. You see, there' issue.

Jeff: Do we have to talk about this on the radio?

Turtle: The public and your adoring fans have a right to know, Jeff.

Jeff: Well, they can wait like everyone else!

Turtle: It's not like allergies are that big of a deal. Lots of people have them! Just...not to things like radio equipment and microphones...

Jeff: You swore! You swore you wouldn't say! ...Oh my god, is my head inflating?

Turtle: I didn't swear anything, and no, your head isn't inflating.

Jeff: Are you sure?

Turtle: Positive. Just read the notes.

It's either the equipment, or the squirrels )

Turtle: That concludes our notes; Jeff, do you feel relieved that they're so short on your last formal radio, or not?

Jeff: I dust wan' go home now, Tuwwl.

Turtle: I still think you're faking it. But, anyway, let's go. Good night, Fandom, and have a prosperous tomorrow!

Jeff: Bye.
[identity profile]
Jeff: I still think he was entirely wrong about the squirrels, Turtle.

Turtle: Who? Trip? What did he say about the squirrels?

Jeff: ...You really don't want to know. Trust me. It's too horrible.

Turtle: Too horrible for radio?

Jeff: Too horrible for people. Can we have notes? Please?

Turtle: Fine, fine. Notes. Onto the news!

When a Man and a Woman love each other VEEEEEERY MUCH.... )

Turtle: and so on and so fo-- so fo-- so fo...So many notes...

*sound of crashing*

Jeff: Turtle? Turtle?! Turtle! Oh my god!

*more crashing noises, a chair falling, and then a CLICK*
[identity profile]
Turtle: Good evening, Fandom! You're listening to WTFH Radio, and both me and my boyfriend-slash-cohost are here tonight, because Jeff's a little more comfortable with ceilings now, thank goodness.

Jeff: As long as you're here. You're really good at keeping them away a bit.

Turtle: It's the logic, really. But we've been over that. Everyone's going to have to forgive us if we seem a little lethargic for broadcast. It's all the leaning we did. It tends to do that to a person.

Jeff: Especially when Logic's not involved. ...I like leaning, it's a bit like cuddling, isn't it? Except... more... upright.

Turtle: Because we're upright, respectable individuals, Jeff. Let's get to the news!

Cut for Exams )

Turtle: Allright, then, I guess that's it? Say we call that a wrap, go back, do some more leaning?

Jeff: *dorkish snigger* I do enjoy leaning. ...Studying. I mean. Leaning.

Turtle: Me, too. G'night, Fandom, and have a prosperous tomorrow!
[identity profile]
Jeff: ...and you know, Turtle, the universe is oddly fortuitous.

Turtle: ...uh, yes, Jeff, I'd have to agree with you there.

Jeff: I'm just saying! Oh, is this on? ...Oh my god.

Turtle: Oh my god, what? Is it sheep again?

Jeff: It's been on the whole time, hasn't it?

Turtle: Well, not the whole time. It went on with the universe and its odd fortuitousness.

Jeff: Oh. Okay.

The Radio is Oddly Fortuitous )

Turtle: Yes. Right. The nurses. As good a note as any to end the broadcast, I suppose.

Jeff: Nurses are always good. There's nothing bad about nurses.

Turtle: There's plenty bad about them! If there's nurses, it means there's a doctor's office, and if there's a doctor's office, then something's wrong.

Jeff: Which is compensated by the presence of nurses.

Turtle: I'd rather just not be sick. But, nurses or no nurses, there are no more notes, so let's say g'nite, Jeff.

Jeff: Good night, Fandom! Don't let the art movers get you!

Turtle: Or the sheep!

[identity profile]
Turtle: Good evening, Fandom! You're listening to Turtle and Jeff on WTFH Radio, here to bring you all the news fit to print. Or, in this case, broadcast. We are no longer wee itty bitty children, I'm back to being sixteen and old enough to drive, heck yeah!, and Jeff has back his sleeves!

Jeff: They were in my closet. I had to use a stick, but it's better to go in the closet than to have no sleeves.

Turtle: ... And that, my friends, is advice to live your life by, let me tell you. We've got ourselves a regular ol' So Crates in our midsts.

Jeff: It's important to remember these things in case the issues come up again.

Turtle: INDEED. For now, though, shall we get to the notes?


Turtle: That's all the notes! Good night, everyone! Keep an eye on your sleeeeeves.
[identity profile]
Turtle: Guess what, Fandom! Today's the best day ever! Today's my birthday! It's Willow's birthday, too, so that helps as well. Yay! Birthday!

Jeff: I'm not certain you should've put that chocolate egg on your sandwich, Turtle. It seems like it's... ... expanding.

Turtle:...what is? My birthday? I could be okay with my birthday expanding!

Jeff: Well, you wouldn't want to wind up space jelly.

Turtle: ...true. Especially not on my birthday! I'm sixteen now; that's practically an adult.

Jeff: Exactly! And then we'd have to stop you from rampaging through the town and I don't really want to do that 'cos, you're my girlfriend. Even if you do turn into space jelly.

Turtle: ...Awwwww.

Birthday News! )

Turtle: Well, ooh~la~la. And that's the end of the notes, which means we're at the end of the best day of the year. It's rather sad, really...

Jeff: There's always another year? And we can jump on the bed a bit more when we go back!

Turtle: Excellent.
[identity profile]
Turtle: Hey! Guess what, Fandom! I'm ba~ack! Did you miss me? Of course you did! Don't worry, I missed you, too, although, really, I had a lot of fun in the past. But home is where the heart is, even if this isn't really my home, but that's beside the point, because it may as well be because I've spent more time here lately than I have at home, so it's the same general conce--

Jeff: TURTLE! *thudding noise* You were gone for five minutes! ... I was gone for five minutes! Don't do that.

Turtle: Oof! I wasn't gone; you were gone. Stupid bathroom. But you're back now, and you're staying back because we're doing radio again. Together! Which is to say, not apart or alone!

Jeff: ...Never again. *whimpers*

Turtle: *another thudding noise*


Let's get this done quickly, because I liked pouncing you better when I didn't have the threat of radio equipment digging into my side, Jeff.

Pouncing Turtle, Hidden Jeffrey )

Turtle: Good! Notes! Done! We're out of here. We haven't done nearly enough cuddling and snuggling to make up for the last few months that were really only a week.

Jeff: Hasn't your roommate left?

Turtle: Uh-huh.

Jeff: ...Excellent.


[identity profile]
Are you certain we can't wait another few minutes?


Really? A matter of life and death? I never knew radio was that important! I suppose Turtle's been right on that one as well. Er...

...are you sure we can't wait? It'd be a bit odd to do this without her--



Lonely Radio )
[identity profile]
Jeff: Hello, Fandom! I've got a hat! And a girlfriend!

Turtle: It's nice to be back. I would say that it's nice to be back with the knowledge of staying for a bit before shipping off to another country again, but that's only cursing myself. So I won't. I will say that being International is exhausting, and I'm very back to be back in Fandom, in the good ol' studio with my boyfriend and partner and crime and his awesome hat. Mexico was much lamer without him. It's just a fact. Oh! Also, I'm glad to see by glimpsing the notes that my shoes weren't the only ones talking today. They're not right now; I actually bothered lacing them up tightly today and that seemed to shut them up, but, seriously, it's like Fandom's trying to remind all of us that went to Mexico that's still weird.

Jeff: Mine are in the closet, talking to the mirror. I'm not certain why. I figured it was best if I left them 'lone.

Turtle: I agree with that one. So, let's get to these notes, eh? Before my shoes start to want to read them.

Jeff: Did you just say 'eh'?

Turtle: ...No. *cough*

The Agony of da Feet )

Turtle: If not people, then definitely the shoes. Meanwhile, Jeff, we're done with all our notes this week, so I'd say that's a wrap.

Jeff: ...What are you doing taking off your shoes? Are they all right?

Turtle: Yeah, they're fine. They just want to say something before we sign off. They've been looking forward to it all day, and I love these sneakers, so I had to let them. Hold on.



Turtle's Sneakers: ~Shop Turtle & Canary! Incredible deals are a shoe-in! Take it from us!~

Turtle: ....Thank you, shoes!

Jeff: What the shoes said! Say goodnight to my socks if they wake up in the morning! ...oh my god.

Turtle: ...You're gonna need to stay over in my room tonight, now, aren't you?

Jeff: ...yes.

Turtle: Thought so. G'nite, Fandom! And have a prosperous tomorrow!
[identity profile]
Turtle: *spoken very quietly* Good evening, Fandom. You're listening to WTFH radio, brought to you tonight, as always on Mondays these days, by me, Turtle Wexler, and my boyfriend-slash-cohost Jeff Murdock. If you're wondering why I'm speaking so quietly, it's because I want you to listen very, very carefully, for just a moment. Do you hear that sound? *long pause* Do you know what that sound is? That sound is the majestic call of the great Canadian moose, Alces alces. Isn't it beautiful? Do you know why I'm making you listen to a moose right now?

*longer pause*

Turtle: *much louder* BECAUSE THEY'RE FREAKING EVERYWHERE! We're broadcasting right now from a transistor radio. In freaking Canada.

Jeff: Turtle? I think the squirrels came here on mooseback.

Turtle: That would explain why we have notes even though we're in freaking Canada. Very resourceful, those squirrels. Who now kind of have a delicate aroma to them, a soft, gentle mix of bacon and maple syrup....

Jeff: I'm still quite fond of the bacon tea, but you really shouldn't have added the syrup. I think that put it a bit over the top.

Turtle: Don't even get me started on the bacon tea. Let's just start the notes; the mooses are giving suspicious looks at them, and I fear that they'll start eating them before we can read them.

Blatantly Stereotypical Canadian Radio, EH? )

*incredible amounts of noise*

Jeff: ...Turtle? I think one of the mooses just toppled! Kick it! Quickly! Kick it!

Turtle: Wait, wha-- *slight sound of flailing panic and then the dull sound of what might be a kick* ...ow.

Jeff: ...We need a nurse!

Turtle: No, we don't. That didn't even move! Did you see that? These mooses are tou-- *another sound of kicking* Ha! That one got a twitch, I think. I think...uh-oh. I think we better go back to the tent, Jeff.

*static... click... silence*

[[ no mooses were harmed in the making of this radio. ]]
[identity profile]
Turtle: Good evening, Fandom, and welcome to your weekly Monday radio broadcast featuring none other than yours truly, T.R. Wexler, and my co-host, best boyfriend in the world, Jeff Murdock.

Jeff: Hello everyone! I'm Jeff, and I'm here with the best girlfriend.

Turtle: We actually have a top story for you all today, and that is that Meg Manning, while being a horribly petty person who, in the face of not getting what she wants, even in the most democratic of methods, will lose all respect for other people's property , is, at the very least, not a liar. However, I think we can all learn from her action and keep in mind that the next time you want to prank someone, seriously? Don't use a credit card to buy out all the pink glitter in their store, thus leaving an extremely easy paper trail for the prank victim to follow. Mister Deadpool, oh, how your minion standards have fallen. That said, let's get onto the other news, shall we?

Jeff: Meg bought all your glitter?!

Turtle: All the pink glitter. But, she was, of course, so kind as to return it back to me. Thanks for the purchase, Meg! Always happy to serve all your glitter needs at good old T&C.

Radio Goes Here! )

Turtle: That's all the notes tonight. Jeff, you're totally walking back with me just in case there's still people running around naked in their underwear, right?

Jeff: No one's flashing my girlfriend! ...Again!

Turtle: See? Best boyfriend ever.
[identity profile]
Jeff: Hello everyone. It's radio day! And I'm here!

Turtle: And, so am I! Although, unlike my hapless cohost and boyfriend, that's quite the norm, isn't it?

Jeff: I really enjoy being here. Vastly. For one thing, there's no chocolate, and Karal isn't yelling at me.

Turtle: would be a bad time to mention that I brought some of the candies I pick up at the store earlier, then, wouldn't it?

Jeff: ...Candies? I don't think I can look at candies again, Turtle, all I can hear is the bleating.

Turtle: Uh-huh. Chocolates. 'Cause we've got lots at the store. At very reasonable prices, for all your Valentine's Day needs.

Jeff: ...those poor sheep...

Turtle: ......What do shee-- Uhhh, never mind. Let's just get to the news, shall we?

Within Which There Be News! Or, at the very least, petty gossip )

Turtle: And that's that! Notes are done! That broadcast was shockingly pretty light on the brain breaky and the flailing. I'm pretty impressed.

Jeff: I'm still a bit worried about the sheep.

Turtle: I'm just trying to forget that the sheep ever happened. G'nite, Fandom!
[identity profile]
Turtle: *heavy sigh* So. Good evening, Fandom. Turtle Wexler here, all by her lonesome for the news tonight because my boyfriend and partner in broadcast gossip has gone missing. I haven't quite figured out if it's because he's trying to avoid me or because he got stuck in that awful closet again, but, there you have it. I've called him I don't even know how many times, and I thought maybe he'd just meet me here, but no such luck. But you all don't need to hear me dwell on my problems, though, so I'll just get right into the news, a---


Turtle: ....Uhhhh, okay. Right. Well, thankfully, it seems the mob settled in just in time for us to finish our notes. Um...this is Turtle Wexler, reporting for WTFH Radio, and very, very confused at the current moment. I'm....going to go back to my room and hopefully get some sleep despite all of this and vow right here and now that, Karal, if you don't help Jeff get out of that alive, you'll never work in this town again!

Good night, and have a prosperous day.

[[ super-awesome and incredible thanks to my co-writers for the radio spanning timezones of epic proportions ]]
[identity profile]
Jeff: Hello, Fandom! My girlfriend was a lesbian for a day!

Turtle: No, she wasn't.

Jeff: You kissed Hoshi.

Turtle: Hoshi kissed me. I don't kiss anyone except you, and I am not a lesbian; we proved this earlier, remember?

Jeff: Well, you're not a lesbian now...

Turtle: Nor was I ever. Can we please stop talking about my nonexistant lesbianism and get to our jobs here, Jeff?

The following broadcast contains a 0.0% chance of girlkissy. )

Turtle: And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes today's broadcast notes. Thank you for listening, and, for the record, I am still not a lesbian.

Jeff: *snickering* She really isn't!

Turtle: *practically audible blushing* Oh, shut up, you.

[identity profile]
Turtle: Good evening, Fandom! It's Monday, January 21st, 2007, and the great Turtle Legacy of Radio continues strong! So I should probably start this broadcast out by thanking everyone who voted for me, and also give a lot of recognition to my...errm...tenacious co-host Jeff! I...probably could have done it without him (no offense, Jeff), but I'm very glad that I don't have to. Also? Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day!

Jeff: I'm glad you don't have to, either. Although I'm a bit worried 'cos blonde squirrel was picketing outside my room the other night... I think she's got shirts... ... your name got crossed out a bit.

Turtle: I wonder if blonde squirrel is familiar with the term 'restraining order'?

Jeff: You should ask her.

Turtle: Right, yeah. Maybe I will, over a nice cup of tea and we can chat and become the bestest of friends, omg. Let's read the news, Jeff, give the people what they want.

This is what you people vote for? )

Jeff: Seriously, are you all right? I know you have some sort of psychic connection to the store and I don't want you to die in some sort of freak store destroying incident.


Jeff: Are you sure?

Turtle: Yes. But, believe me, if there were a connection like that, Jeff, I'd already be dead.

Jeff: Your insurance--?

Turtle: Well, yes. Covers a lot. I have multiple policies and everything, but....dammit it's the principle of the matter...Look, let's just close out, Jeff, okay? We don't have any notes left and I don't want to talk about right now. Maybe when we get back to the dorms?

Jeff: Okay.

[identity profile]
Jeff: Hello everybody! It's Radio Try-Out time again! Which is really a lot like ordinary radio if you think about it, except with far more ludicrous pressure to be something worthy of a radio broadcaster, which means it's really not quite like ordinary radio at all, and oh my god, what if I end up naked on the air and everyone who's paying attention 'cos they need to pick radio broadcasters will think about it--

Turtle: I knew I shouldn't let you start us out! No one would know if you were naked on air because they can't see you, Jeff. But, to be on the safe side, we're not going to mention 'naked' anymore throughout the entire broadcast, right? Because we really don't need that ruining our continued streak of glory.

Jeff: But that's the issue! They could be able to hear me! Rustling about!

Turtle: *very pointedly rustling papers* There. Rustling papers. Now they won't be able to hear other rustling; not that it matters because you're not naked, anyway.

Jeff: But the potential is there!

Turtle: ....ugh, let's just read the notes? Please?

Turtle and Jeff radio :: Not for the weak at heart )

Turtle: And that's all the notes we have for tonight, Fandom! Remember, a vote for Turtle and Jeff is a vote for the good of all! Err, well...sort of.

Jeff: Well, you're really excellent, so really it's not just a vote for good, it's a vote for excellence.

Turtle: You heard the man, folks. A vote for Turtle.....and a vote for excellence! Good night, and have a prosperous day!
[identity profile]
Jeff: Hello, Fandom! Turtle's not in today 'cos she's at home with her parents and my mother hasn't shown up so I think I can leave the barricade for a moment-- what happened to our notes?


Jeff: What do you mean, 'when the cat's out'? I don't have a cat! I have a dog!

*more chittering*

Jeff: I can keep a broadcast together! I don't need Turtle to keep a broadcast together! I'm very good at keeping things together!

Chad: ....Do you still want my help then, little bro? I don't mind, but if you wanna do it solo, that's cool.

Jeff: No, no, your help will be fine, I've just got to convince these squirrels to keep things in the right order.

*angry chittering*

Chad: *grunt* Forgot how cute these squirrels are. Let's jus' read 'em like this. I don't wanna make 'em angry at us, Jeff.

Maybe they were just blinded by the prints of their shirts... )

Jeff: I don't see any, but that may just be the squirrels being withholding again.

Chad: *shuffling papers* Nope. Think we're good, Jeff. So we jus' say good night now?

Jeff: ...Can we hang up now?

Chad: I'll do it. It's my phone. Buenos noches, Fandom, Feliz Navidad, and, uh, happy Hanukkah and Solstice and Kwanzaa and stuff.


[[ lol, plz to be ignoring account. kind of ]]
[identity profile]
Jeff: Hello everyone! We have radio again! 'Cos it's Tuesday. I mean, Monday. We used to have radio on Tuesday but then it got moved 'cos the blonde squirrel is a little odd upstairs and it made Turtle a bit paranoid. But now it's Monday and it's our radio!

Turtle: I was not paranoid! I'm not threatened by some blonde squirrel, thank you very much. But I did have very big issues with her reporting integrity!

Jeff: You were paranoid. I know paranoia, Turtle. She kept looking at us oddly!

Turtle: Oh, just read the notes. I'm not paranoid.

Not Paranoid Radio. Really. )

Turtle: I'M NOT PARANOID, really, but it's kind of hard when crap like this goes on!

Jeff: Who cares about the clinic? Jamie, Again is out there, terrorising us with warm Squishies. Action should be taken.

Turtle: what? Do you even know how many there are?

Jeff: Many, I imagine. We'll have to consider a barricade. Perhaps Sokka could bring meat.
[identity profile]
Turtle: Good evening, fellow Fandomites! It's Monday, a quiet Monday, and hopefully it will stay that way through the broadcast, but you never know. You can probably bet against it. Because I do radio with Jeff.

Jeff: Turtle? I think I'm starting to see tumbleweeds like in films.

Turtle: ...oh, wow. That really was a tumbleweed, wasn't it?

Jeff: I think it's looking at me a bit funny. Are tumbleweeds even supposed to look at things?

Turtle: Maybe if we ignore it and just get to the notes, it'll go away.

Jeff: ... I'm just going to move slightly in your general area. Not that general area! Just... the general area.

RADIO IS CANCELED. Okay. Maybe not. )

Jeff: So can we go home and see about that Turtle and Jeff-style snuggling now? *sound of audible grinning* 'Cos it's important to have lots and lots of notes.

Turtle: Oy. Only if you promise not to be a skunk about it.

Jeff: ...Is my hair turning white again?

Turtle: Again? ...Nevermind. Tell me about it on the way back to the dorms.
[identity profile]
Turtle: Hello, fellow Fandomites! It's Monday, the new best day of the week, and it's time for Turtle/Jeff Radio, yaaaaaaay!

Jeff: It's funny how best days shift around like that, is there some sort of schedule?

Turtle: Um, no, which is weird, because usually I do keep a pretty tight schedule.

Jeff: I just wouldn't want to get caught off-guard by a shift in bestness.

Turtle: See, that's why you should stick with me, Jeff, then you'll never have to worry about it, because I'm always the best.

Wherein Turtle makes a mistake by letting Jeff read the notes first )

*minor silence*

Jeff: ... ...Turtle? Is something wrong?

Turtle: ....Do you think, maybe, next Monday, any one would mind if we just skipped all the school stuff? Seriously? I think it might be better for everyone that way.

Jeff: ...But what if there's an oral?

Turtle: That's what I'm worried about.
[identity profile]
Jeff: So Turtle wanted to switch radio dates 'cos she got tired of Blonde Squirrel flirting with me and my hair after that whole incident two weeks ago.

Turtle: Oh, don't you even start thinking of putting this all on my. You're just as eager to get away from Blonde Squirrel as I am. *pause* ....Right?

Jeff: The way she stares at my hair is mildly disconcerting, yes. I think she may be looking for a nest.

Turtle: .....eeeewwww. Let's just get on with the news, Jeff. On Mondays! Yay Monday, suddenly the most awesome day of the week because it's our new radio day!

Cut, clearly, for AWESOMENESS )

Turtle: Of course not. Notes are over, though. Say good night, Jeff.

Jeff: Good night, Jeff! Can I go sleep now? I really need to get away from these squirrels.

Turtle: Don't we all, Jeff? Don't. We. All.

[identity profile]
Jeff: Even this radio station's still the same! This is really weird, Turtle!

T.R.: Well, it's kind of complicated, Murdock. See, while some of us...most of us, have aged twenty years and think we're ba-- Oh, never mind. I've probably already confused you, haven't I?

Jeff: To be fair, I think I was already sort of confused before I got here.

T.R.: A-yup. But, anyway, it's Monday, and we're here to do radio on Monday like we always have. Except for when we did it on Tuesdays. And, before that, just me, on Wednesdays, but it's kind of hard to imagine a point in time where Murdock technically didn't exist in the world scope. Think on that one.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. )

T.R.: Places to be? Like where?

Jeff: Haven't got the time to explain! I have to catch Peter's closet before he leaves! And bring flowers! And a stereo! And... things!

T.R.: Peter's clos-- Oh! The Susan thing?

Jeff: Yes! The Susan thing! *sounds of scrambling* I've got to move! There may still be time! She may still be less emotional!

T.R.: Yes! I do believe you have a......oh, at least a half hour period of time to catch her before another emotional swell (although after what you did to her, the emotional scarring will always be there...); go! Quick! Or you'll be too late! Go, go, go!

Jeff: I didn't do anything! It was all Steve's fault! She's not actually an emotional lesbian cow! Which I told her quite-- *door slamming*

T.R.: *pleased sigh* God, that never gets old. G'nite, Fandom! And have a prosperous twenty more years.

[identity profile]
Turtle: ...let's try to get this done quickly tonight, Jeff. I still don't feel too good. Look at this. I'm drinking coffee. Coffee, just to help me stay awake right now. Do you realize how much I hate coffee? I usually only drink it when I need to look important.

Jeff: ...I'm leaving! I mean, not 'cos of the coffee or anything, just in general, well, not in general, not forever or anything, I mean I'm leaving for a bit soon, you know, to places.

Turtle: ... ...Jeff, you know I love you and everything, but I really don't think I can follow you very well tonight...Let's just get these done. It's late. I really, really don't want to be out late.

Jeff: ...okay.

Wherein Turtle trains to be an auctioneer )

Turtle: There. Done. Let's get out butts back to the dorms PRONTO; I am not staying in this studio a moment longer.

Jeff: Are you certain there aren't any more notes because I saw some squirrels a few moments ago you never know what they're chittering about do you and TURTLE I'M LEAVING!

Turtle: So am I! Come on!

Jeff: I mean I'm leaving! Home! For a bit!

Turtle: ..... wait. What?

Jeff: My mother's making me go home, I've got an e-ticket and everything, I'm leaving on Saturday, I'm planning an escape at the transfer!

Turtle: ...Whyareyoubringingthisuphere? Dorms. Now. We can talk there, and it's not dangerous there, and, oh my God, I'm shutting the mics off no-- *click*
[identity profile]
Jeff: So, Turtle, what would you like first? I've got the fruit basket here, but I'm not entirely certain if you're allergic to any of them, so perhaps not. And then there's the, er, CDs, and this thing I got off the internet - I love the internet, it's just so useful, isn't it?

Turtle: Jeff...what is all this stuff?

Jeff: Gifts! You know, for you. 'Cos I was an idiot and everything.

Turtle: ...That's a lot of gifts, Jeff.

Jeff: Well, I felt I had to do it properly, you know. Wouldn't want to be caught, er, undergifting.

Turtle: Definitely no threat of that here...Wow. I, uh...And all this is because of last week?

Jeff: Last week was really horrible. This week has gifts! I prefer this week.

Turtle: It's a step up, yes. Think you can keep it going better through the notes?

Jeff: Notes! Right. Let's get those notes coming. Journalism! We're really good at journalism.

Journalism and How to be Really Good at it )

Turtle: And that, my friends, is all she wrote. Which just leaves me wondering how we're going to get all this stuff out of this studio...

Jeff: I got Nana to carry some of it on the way in. Say hello to the people of Fandom, Nana!

*momentary silence, then a truly horrible noise that sounds like a microphone getting bodychecked by a large dog*
[identity profile]
Jeff: Can we just get this done? I want to go home. I've got a film off tomorrow.

Turtle: Oh, what, so your film off is suddenly more important than your duty to the population of Fandom?

Jeff: Who cares about duty? It's not like it matters anymore.

Turtle: Jeff! You love radio....I mean, you love radio, right?

Jeff: It's not fair. Nothing is fair.

Turtle: *sounds of thunking* *muttering* Let's just get this done...

In Which the World is Ending thanks to an Emo Jeff )

Turtle: There, Jeff. No more notes. Happy?

Jeff: No.
[identity profile]
Turtle: Jeff, are you sure you're going to be okay to do this tonight?

Jeff: I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be fine? It's not as if the apocalypse is knocking on my doorstep!

Turtle: You're right! It's not! Not for another few days now, so just buck up and make the most of the few remaining days you have left! We have a job to do here.

Jeff: Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine. Oh god, Turtle!

Turtle: That's right. Everything will be fine, Jeff. Deeeeeeep. Breaaaaaaths. Let's get to the news, yeah?

Mum is NOT the word, OMG )

Turtle: Looks like we've reached the end of the notes. We can go back to the dorms, now, assuming Jeff is okay with me using the stairs...

Jeff: Well obviously my mother isn't here yet! ... I hope.
[identity profile]
Jeff: Turtle, I think the closet has a bit of a draft, I'm feeling sort of sneezy right now, like I've swallowed an entire jar of jelly.

Turtle: Just don't sneeze on the microphones, Jeff, because then all the radio staff will get sick, too. And what kind of jelly? Strawberry or grape? It's a very important distinction.

Jeff: ...Not that sort of jelly.

Turtle: *looooong pause* Hey, look! NOTES.

A Radio Broadcast! <i>Groovy</i>! Bring on the dancing girls! )

Turtle: And we have reached the end of our notes. Wow. Short radio is short.

Jeff: You know how short things are, they're very... short.

Turtle: A-yup. I guess that's it then. G'nite, Fandom, and, well, I'm going to go back to the dorms and hope I forget a good portion of this broadcast before tomorrow...
[identity profile]
Jeff: Hello everyone! This is Scary Jeff Murdock and Turtle Wexler on the radio and everything, I hope you've all had a good day and voted for Turtle and everything! Unless you weren't a sophomore, then you could vote for Turtle but I doubt it would've made much of a difference. Still, we value your patronage!

Turtle: *with a whimper* I hate waiting. Waiting is awful. Why do they make you wait? Um, thank you everyone who did vote for me, I really appreciate it! Every vote counts....Why do they make you wait, oh man, oh man, oh man....Breathe, Wexler, breathe. Deep breaths. Oh God....

Jeff: Turtle, it'll be okay, you're an excellent candidate, I bet they all voted for you and we've got to do radio!

Turtle: *deep breath* Right. Radio. Radio's important. You get voted into radio. We got voted into radio, so there's no reason why...Oh, God! What if I used up my getting voted into stuff....STUFF?

One Anxious Turtle + Alcohol = Role Reversal )

Turtle: ...the rum is gone. Why is the rum gone?

Jeff: 'Cos you've had a quarter of a bottle and you're going to pass out and then the radio squirrels will draw things on your face and I like your face the way it is, there's a lot of it and it should go undrawn on.

Turtle: Nuh-uh! I had lots more than a quarter, Jeff! Like....two eighteenths more than a quarter, and that's a lot!

Jeff: We need to get you home now, this entire station smells of rum, you might absorb more and implode and I don't want you to implode, Turtle, you've got far too many eyes and faces and everything, let's go!

Turtle: But we have nore mo-- Wait. No we don't. They're gone, too. Awww....Jeff?

Jeff: ...Don't slap me.

Turtle: I wasn't going to! I'd never! I just...had a question.

Jeff: ...What?

Turtle: Help me back--- Oof. Ow. Cra--

[identity profile]
Turtle: Goooooooood eeeeevening, Fandom! Now, don't get all excited and start checking your calenders! It is, indeed, Tuesday, not Wednesday. You see, the only thing certain in this world is death, taxes, and change, and, well, this is one of the last one. And maybe a little of the first if you're not careful. I'm on a new day, you see, which, while not quite as allitrative, is still better because you very clever listeners knew what you were doing and voted Wexler/Murdock 2007, so I'm here with Jeff, and will be every Tuesday! Yay! We need a title for the broadcast, Jeff...

Jeff: Well, I did think of something but I'm not absolutely certain it would be okay for broadcast. See I was watching this movie this evening and then this woman took her--

Turtle: Ohhhkay, maybe we'll just save the super cool title for next week when we've had some time to think about it. And not be influenced by things that are possibly not okay for broadcast.

Jeff: ...Okay. Er. John Crichton said to bring rum? So we did. You know, just to be entirely safe, apparently it's very good for squirrel safety, better than a net even, I was suggesting a net earlier...

Turtle: Uh-huh, and then we'd have a bunch of squirrels in a net, and that just made me think of a certain blonde girl currently on crutches right now, and right then, I know it wouldn't work, s0, yeah, the rum is the way to go. Especially since I know I won't drink any of it because it's gross. Almost as gross as coffee. Almost. Anyway. News? News. The squirrels are getting rowdy.

What do you do with a drunken squir-rel earl-lie in tha morn'in'? )

Turtle: And, finally, we have reached the end.

Jeff: We should go now. I've got some phoning to do.

Turtle: Who else would you possibly have to, ugh, phone right now?

Jeff: Well, you, obviously.

Turtle: *really long pause*

....Right. G'nite, Fandom!


[[ special thanks to [ profile] the_merriest for the cameo! Much appreciated, as we know that it's hard out there for a pimp. also? we're, um, sorry? Kind of? ]]

Fandom High RPG

About the Game

---       Master Game Index
---       Thinking of Joining?
---       Application Information
---       Existing Character Directory

In-Character Comms

School and Grounds
---       Fandom High School
---       Staff Lounge
---       TA Lounge
---       Student Dorms

Around the Island
---       Fandom Town
---       Fandom Clinic

---       Radio News Recaps
---       Student Newspaper
---       IC Social Media Posts

Off-Island Travel
---       FH Trips

Once Upon a Time...
---       FH Wishverse AU

Out-of-Character Comms

---       Main OOC Comm
---       Plot Development
---       OOC-but-IC Fun


Fandom High is a not-for-profit text-based game/group writing exercise, featuring fictional characters and settings from a variety of creators, used without permission but for entertainment purposes only.