Fandom Radio :: Tuesday, October 16th.

[stocksgrrl.livejournal.com]

Turtle: Jeff, are you sure you're going to be okay to do this tonight?

Jeff: I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be fine? It's not as if the apocalypse is knocking on my doorstep!

Turtle: You're right! It's not! Not for another few days now, so just buck up and make the most of the few remaining days you have left! We have a job to do here.

Jeff: Everything will be fine. Everything will be fine. Oh god, Turtle!

Turtle: That's right. Everything will be fine, Jeff. Deeeeeeep. Breaaaaaaths. Let's get to the news, yeah?



SCHOOL: WHERE MOMS SEND THEIR KIDS TO GET RID OF THEM

Jeff: There's no school this week which would be excellent if it wasn't for the fact it's 'cos of the parents coming in and everything. There's a library with an Anemone in it, though, and she got visited by an ostrich. Is the drunken squirrel getting near the notes again? It's weird 'cos this one doesn't look blonde, it's got to be another squirrel, is the blonde one infecting the others?

Turtle: No. The ostriches are not a product of the blonde squirrel, trust me. Also, in study hall and later an undisclosed office there were happy pranky times. Ed and Lee meet up with materials and egos the sizes of small countries. Like Taiwan. Or England. Admit it. You guys are tiiiiiny. Then off they traipse, la la la, to glitter, confetti, pink-inate, self help-orize, trash, and sock-imated Miss Kerrigan's office, only to get caught pink handed! Ed gets knocked out...what the...? And Lee has to clean the office up, and then there's more! But you'll have to wait for that! We're going to get to it in a bit.

DORMS: WHERE STUFF YOU DON'T TELL YOUR MUM ABOUT HAPPENS

Jeff: Adah's on the roof thinking which is sort of an odd thing to do, can't you do that in your room? Is she hiding, 'cos I don't think a roof is a good place to hide, you're in broad daylight and everything, the birds might find you. She's not the only one either 'cos Annette is up there too and is everyone hiding? Did they hear about my mother?

Turtle: ....so now everyone's got to watch out for her?

Jeff: YES! That Weird Bloke Andrew's out on the lawn by the picnic tables eating cheesy poofs, apparently, and I did not need to know about his dietary requirements. Don't forget about the films, Andrew, I'm watching you! There's also a monkey and where is that squirrel? She's got something to do with it, I know she does!

Turtle: Jeff, explain something for me. How come you don't need to 'know about his dietary requirements,' and yet you're still watching him? I thought you didn't like him.

Jeff: We've got a film off. I've got to make sure he doesn't get an advantage on me, that would be entirely unfair.

Turtle: ....Right. Okay. So, apparently, Miss Kerrigan chained up Lee and Ed in front of the dorms. In their underwear. I....I don't think I have words. I really don't. Except maybe that I'm glad I was in town all day. No offense, boys. And then Lee and Ed displayed an amazing versatility by going from oppressed to whiny to vowing revenge at breakneck speeds, all while still chained to their wall. And then, as is often the case in situations like this, there were gawkers: Mister Ares stared at Lee's arms a lot, probably inappropriately, especially since he's a teacher, ew. Harry just thinks it's hil-aaaaaar-ious and Lee cons him to try to use his "stick thing" (ew) to try to help them, but it doesn't work. Did they expect it to? Anyone who missed it should talk to Anathema, 'cause she got piiiiictures! I hope she thinks to charge for them; that would be the smart thing to do. Also? Ed doesn't know what Christmas is, but don't worry, Ed! We've got Chanukah stuff at Turtle & Canary, too! Pictures aren't good enough? Talk to that roboty thing, Artoo. He got footage. And he also got squawked at by the boys why were trying to insult him into helping them. More flies with honey, guys, seriously. Aravis points and laughs and then gets yelled at to help, but at least Lee said please that time? Ed is still short, though. Annette shamelessly ogled, which apparently got Ed and Lee to ask nicer, because she did try to help, but faaaaailed. Probably mostly because Ed insisted that she didn't touch them, which made it difficult, I imagine. Abigail was asked to help, too, but she didn't want to ruin the show for anyone else. Jim wants to talk about the weather and then finds a spot on the grass to relax. Oh, Jim.

Jeff: Karal and Gavin talk about things that didn't happen which I do often, well, I don't really talk about them, mostly I just try to avoid talking.

Turtle:....since when?

Jeff: I said I try but obviously you can't succeed at everything, you know, it's hard.

Turtle: I know. It's okay.

Jeff: Luke is there to tease him about something called a barbershop and Beauty stops being a kitten - is that a metaphor 'cos it's really good - and is in bed with A.J. - really really good - and Troy's there too and there's a lot of awkwardness, which is weird, 'cos kittens. You know? Kittens. Hunter and Dean defeat a mosquito which I'm certain was very difficult, and Cher has a happy phone call... which is of course impossible. Are all the squirrels lying now?

Turtle: Jeff. Don't tell me you've actually forgotten about...you know...some phone calls?

Jeff: I don't count that one 'cos she was naked.

Turtle: Maybe Cher was, too. All I'm saying is that it's possible.

Jeff: ...That's excellent, actually. My little sister Ino's cleaning up! They grow up really quickly, you never know when you've got to start giving people the Talk, 'cos she's my sister. You've got to give people the Talk when you're a brother, it's in the rules. Sokka is normal and has a fight with a robot raccoon and he wins! That's excellent! Isabel's also cleaning as is Adam, was there some sort of an announcement I missed? Should I have been cleaning? Is it because of the parents? Turtle!

Turtle: I don't know! I haven't been doing any cleaning, either!

Jeff: Good!

Turtle: Meg is chilling (aka NOT CLEANING, see?) in her room flipping through catalogs, which, if you ask me, is a completely waste of time, because you can get everything you need right down the street at Turtle & Canary, Meg. Johnny McKissyFace McHarlotson is cleaning and actually not kissing. This is news! Annette is sleeping. Not news. Aravis got a letter from home; I suspect a lot of people will be getting those with what this weekend is.

TOWN

Jeff: There are no monkeys in Caritas! We are all very relieved, thank you, Dick, we'll defeat the blonde squirrel yet. Er... It says Mister Phale is in heaven at the Devil's Nest which seems like sort of an odd place to be in heaven at. I imagine that's very tricky. Doctor Troy's got the clinic in the morning and apparently Wyatt's worried about giant mosquitos which should be the least of his problems, really, what with the parents and all. Oh god, is my mother going to hear this broadcast?!

Turtle: Jeff, it says you were abducted by aliens at the Arms; why didn't you tell me?

Jeff: I didn't get abducted! That squirrel is spreading slanderous lies about me! Why is this happening to me now when my mother's coming?!

Turtle: You've still got a few days, Jeff! Breathe! She won't hear anything about your recent alien abduction. Anyway, aliens or no, he talked to Mary about She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned. Ino -- isn't that your little sister, Jeff? -- she's at the Wellspring Arms & Meditation Center today, and gets accosted by a big mosquito; she makes sure it's not a student before squashing it. Smart girl, that Ino. I am not drowning my sorrows in moonshine at Turtle & Canary, despite what the tabloids and probably the blonde squirrel claims. Jeff beg for a bisc-- Okay, you know what? This squirrel doesn't know what she's talking about, and I was there when all this happened, so I'm just going to ignore her stupid blonde notes. Jeff came in and we talked about She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned. Some stupid ostrich came in and made a HUGE mess of my floor and humiliated Apu, and then Jamie was a jerkface and didn't believe me about the ostrich. Just ask Apu, Jamie, seriously. And to think, I got Grape Judas for you! And then Sokka is Sokka and comes in and asked for a whole crap load of weird stuff. I asked what for; I regretted that. Liz is at the Post Office, where nothing ever happens. At The Perk, Chris and Lana have a breakfast date be totally ruined by a giant attack mosquito. They didn't have a broom like Ino did, but they still manage to squash it and decide "hoooookay, maybe movies instead of breakfast noaw?" A monkey tried to hit on Miss Valentine over at Groovy Tunes and then he tried to steal her kitten. Isn't that the same thing?

Jeff: It says a monkey stole George-Michael's bananars but it's That Squirrel so I'm not entirely certain if we should trust this information, it might be more lies.

Turtle: Well, a monkey did try to steal Miss Valentine's kitten, so I wouldn't be surprised if bananas were attempted to be stolen by the same monkey as well. Especially around here...

Jeff: Frogless Robin our Colleague has her radio show! And there's no critters or anything, it says so right--

Wait. Now I understand! That means there were critters on the radio and I've just got to mirror everything this squirrel tells me, doesn't it?

Turtle: .....what? Don't trust the squirrels, Jeff!

Jeff: Which means she didn't get a DVD and Professor Stinson didn't come by to be greeted as Principal Jagger! ...Wait, does that mean Professor Stinson didn't come by or he didn't get called Principal Jagger? I'm confused.

Turtle: Not news.

Jeff: Well, obviously, 'cos it didn't happen. Isabel, Charlie, Steve Peter and Wyatt did not play any boardgames today and all the critters and vines and such are just figments of this squirrel's rampant imagination. Which means there was no ostrich flirting with Giles at the Magic Box, no monkey punching Jack at Photo Hut and Blackheart did not beat up a mosquito in bra and panties. Although if these events did in fact occur, miss Bell appearing to mock him doesn't seem that farfetched. ...Did Union Hoshi and Annette really kill a monkey? 'Cos I think it takes a lot of, you know, stones to do that, it's very impressive.

Turtle: Yeah, I was thinking that you're a dork for disbelieving all of that, Jeff, until that last part. Killing a monkey? Do what now?

Jeff: Bridge and Xander are at Mauvaise Chance when the people who were not actually playing a boardgame earlier come in to finish not playing their boardgame.

Turtle: I bet they were playing Monopoly. No one ever finishes a game of Monopoly...

Jeff: I finished a game of Monopoly, once. We had these clothes and-- I don't want to talk about it. As the news continues, there are still no vines or critters anywhere and Professor Anakin and Luke do not kill them nor does Ronan burn them or anything.

Jeff: There are also no rhinos at Wonders of the World and Adam does not placate them with hotdogs, 'cos that would be mad, wouldn't it, SQUIRREL? Obviously, Cafe Fina is full of critters that are bothering Namine 'cos that's the way this squirrel works. Anders is not drinking at the Perk and the people who were not playing a boardgame do not come by to finish the game with an earthquake and wind and rain or quicksand attempting to murder Isabel or anything. That would just be lies.

Turtle: They're not, Jeff, I swear! I saw Apu wrestle an ostrich with my own eyes. Poorly, I'll add, but I saw it!

Jeff: Are you certain you weren't just distracted by the banana suit? Doctor Wilson welcomes back Professor Phale which I'm certain was nice and everything, and-- George-Michael did not get punched by a monkey or visit Joanna to tell her about it. I know it's not the same squirrel or anything but it's a good idea to be careful about it.



Turtle: Looks like we've reached the end of the notes. We can go back to the dorms, now, assuming Jeff is okay with me using the stairs...

Jeff: Well obviously my mother isn't here yet! ... I hope.