Fandom Radio, Saturday, March 10th

[dollpocalypse]

Topher: Holy shit. Am I the first one here for once?

*chittering*

Topher: Yeah, but Peter's always the first one here. It's like his thing.

Jeff: … No! No! Squirrels--!

Topher: You're not Peter.

Jeff: … No, I just roomed with him when I went to school here.

Topher: No you didn't. That was that drug guy.

Jeff: Yes, I did! I did room with Peter. Squirrels, tell him!

*chittering*

Topher: That's not English they're speaking, you know.

Jeff: How long have you been doing this? How is it you can’t speak squirrel yet?

Topher: ...you are so weird.

SCHOOL

Jeff: Chasing History’s Monsters was all about the sasquatch today! … Are you sure that’s the sort of thing that you should be telling children about? Everyday Skills focused on something more child-appropriate, like managing money! Through playing Monopoly! So unless it was strip Monopoly, I don’t think they were in any trouble.

…

…

My ex-girlfriend would have loved strip Monopoly.

Topher: EW EW EW EW EW EW EW.

Jeff: What? She really liked money!

Topher: I MEANT THE OTHER PART.

Jeff: Oh. Well, she wouldn’t have been stripping in a strip Monopoly class. That would just be ridiculous.

Topher: …...THE GROSS PART IS THE STRIPPING.

Jeff: *audible grinning* Yeah.

Topher: Dude. You're insane.

Jeff: No, the doctor said I was fine last time I went. Scott paired everybody off in Leadership and made them teach things. I hope they were good things. Let’s hope they were good things. The Art of Scrap had a movie day, about Jackson Pollock. Isn’t he the one who made those really dirty paintings just by throwing paint around and all?

Topher: How should I know?

Jeff: You’re a teenager! I remember being a teenager! You know things.

Topher: Well, duh. I'm a genius. But not about paint. Or dirty things. Except that one tentacle story.

Jeff: Japanese or American?

Topher: American. But there were... Japanese-looking drawings.

Jeff: Yeah, American knock-offs aren’t as good.

Topher: But still freaky, man. Still freaky.

Jeff: I prefer more esoteric dirty things. With breasts. In the library, Wesley was... bored. That’s the thing about libraries, isn’t it?

Topher: Unless there's D&D going on. Then it's a whole different thing.

Jeff: Apathy Club met-- we have an apathy club? I didn’t realise they were so engaged and everything. But they were there and hung around, and Squall and George even caught up, so I guess they’re really dedicated to being apathetic. George even said she’d never throw Jeremy out of the club ‘coz of apathy.

Topher: ...well, okay then. Also that teacher who runs radio was in her office. Watching TV or whatever. Lame.

DORMS

Jeff: Tara is doing some spring cleaning! Be careful with that, Tara. You never know what might happen. Natalie turns up to talk and the subject turns to Natalie maybe moving in with someone called Sam. Which Sam? I know we’ve got a couple of them this time around, and we really don’t need another problem.

*papers rustling*

Topher: Oh. That's the guy. The girl Sam was busy strangling her baby or something. I heard it from like an entire floor up.

Jeff: That makes me miss the days they just gave you a bag of flour. You could even make a cake with it afterwards if you didn’t mind failing the class.

Topher: ...that sounds much easier. And quieter.

Jeff: Oh yeah. And there was the one class that gave you an egg to look after, too, so you really were about halfway to a cake!

Topher: And if you brought it to the common room and found a girl, someone could bake it for you!

Jeff: Loads easier than getting one to look after another type of baby for you, anyway. Just ask Sam about Kenzi.

Wesley also turned up after his long day of being bored by things, and they were both really happy about someone called Kennedy not being dead. Congratulations!

Topher: The president? I thought he was dead. I'll have to ask Peter.

Jeff: I don’t think Peter knows about that. Rebecca got attacked by a gremlin while working on something. Ouch. Drink loads of fluids! But not poisonous ones, you’ve been poisoned enough.

Topher: She's scary, so poisonous would be okay too.

Jeff: Or maybe not.

Topher: Eh. Whatever. And then outside the dorms, Rebecca and Stacey were in a tree. Yelling. I know, 'cause I heard from upstairs. Quinn came by and filmed them or something, and then in the tree, Stacey and Rebecca talked about how they didn't want to show the bulldozer guys their -- oh EW.

Jeff: They’ll want to limit the visual access angle. I recommend pant-skirts.

*gagging sounds*

Topher: Then Ben's cousin Anakin came by and was confused and caught Rebecca when she fell out of the tree. Okay.

Jeff: Hope she brought her pant-skirt!

Topher: Can we NOT with the pant-- things!?

And in the common room, Kate's baby was running around -- wait. Kate?

*chittering*

Topher: Oh. Different Kate. Her baby was running around eating wires. Wesley I guess questioned her parenting skills, and then Toby made fun of the teacher. And now he's heard that. Sorry, Toby.

TOWN

Topher: So also stuff happened in town. At Cafe Luke's, Bod was cleaning tables or something. At Goodvalor's Little Bivioli, Kenzi's boyfriend was talking about pirates. Okay. Um. At the Trooper Station, Audrey talked to Joan about setting up like a chaperone or something and I have no idea who either of those people are. Kenzi had games set up at that store where she works, okay, and at the Devil's Nest Ben's cousin who's in my fan club came to say hi to the guy who works there. And at the Magic Box, Loki was sitting on the counter going through Tumblr and Wesley came over and bugged him. Well, that's rude.

Jeff: I like Tumblr.

Topher: Duh, Tumblr's amazing.

Jeff: Right!

Topher: At Stark Industries, Ben watched the news and Ender brought him lunch. Huh.

...sometimes they act really married.

Jeff: You know, when the squirrels turned up, I brought a boxed lunch. It’s what we used to do, back in the day when... radio wasn’t during lunch. Okay, maybe not.

Topher: ...are you calling Ben a squirrel? 'Cause he's not. Ben's cool.

Jeff: Is he the one on the left making the broody faces?

Topher: No! He's a guy! And a ginger.

Jeff: Ohhh, he’s the ginger squirrel eating the nuts, isn’t he?

Topher: ...I do not understand you. So. Then some alumni came and like hung out at the community center or something. Fan Club Girl and Ben's ex hugged. Okay, weird. Romeo asked Angela how she was doing, and then somewhere else, Ben's cousin Anakin hung out with his ex -- Ben's ex, I mean -- and she touched his hair and I'm not sure why this is important. Ben has a lot of people on this island. I mean, a lot.

Jeff: Sometimes people just happen, you know?

Topher: Tell me about it. Anyway. Then Raven hugged Tahiri, who's the ex by the way, and they talked about Anakin. 'Kay. And then Ex found Ben and they hugged. Oooooooh.

Jeff: Just as long as he didn’t go for a quick fondle or anything. Exes can be touchy about that, even if you’re just doing it to ensure they’re real.

Topher: Um, he told me that's against their rules, so...

Jeff: Good. Smart. You want to... keep those exes fondle-free. Unless you’re absolutely not sure they’re real. But then they hit you.

Topher: BEN DOES NOT FONDLE ANYONE OKAY?!?!

Jeff: Well if she’s his ex then I assume at some point he’s--

*gagging noises*

Topher: NO.

Jeff: You’re really weird, you know that?

Topher: ...I like Peter way better than you. Way better.

Jeff: Well, I like Peter better than you, too.