WTFH

Hey, Fandom. We're still in the twilight days between semesters, so this is going to be quick.

Nothing happened in school, because school's out, and nothing happened in the dorms, because you're all probably still licking your wounds from last weekend or whenever right now.

In town, Dante sat on the roof of the Kwik Stop, talking to a cat while he fed it hot dogs. Don't do that. It'll try to follow you home, and then you're in trouble. Ada walked by, heard voices up on the roof, and climbed up there to talk to both the boy and the cat, and seriously, that's how they wind up following you home, okay? Just say no.

At Luke's Diner, Hardison had to deal with the inevitable results of being parked on a planet full of candy, which is that his staff was trying to steal the stuff and haul it in. Ada Sparkles-Minioned it up at Demon Marcus when she wasn't bugging kittens, and Jessica brought in cake for the troopers at the Trooper Station.

Considering where we're parked, I think cake is cheap right now, Jess. At least bump it up to a good steak dinner.

Anyway, that's all. Catch you all later today, when grad madness begins. Force save us all.

Good morning, Fandom, hope you slept better than I did. I have a crick in my neck the size of a house.

But I also have a pile of notes, so I might as well dig in. In school, Pinkie Pie brought her pet alligator - of course she has a pet alligator - to work with her for the school trip to New Orleans. Pretty sure I said that wrong. Around the World went to Azerbaijan, and I am definitely saying that wrong, where Isabela grilled Kenobi on their pick of oil - ew - and Skywalker grilled Kenobi on his knowledge of Eurovision.

Meanwhile Hitting Things had their final in the salle, where they hit things.

The dorms kept the prom truck going, with Alana manning the desk to sell tickets. Anders was in his room, burying himself in work, when his roommate Dante showed up to get him to relax. At some point Alluka also stopped by to ask him to ship something off-island for her.

In town, Ada was running a sale on prom accessories. Your minion's doing good, Sparks, since I think she talked Isabela into getting a hat. At the Trooper Station, Jessica was revving up to break the law with a fake ID. Really, Jess? Pretty sure there's a-- yep, there is a law against that.

Hardison dealt with the diner's staff planning their own prom - it is not that great, seriously - and at Caritas, Cara just got drunk. I need to stop by again sometime. But that's not really important right now. *clears throat* I think that's it, time for--

*click*

Hey, Fandom. Looks like it's been a quiet day, which is good, because I just got back here five minutes ago and I could really use a nap.

Ahem.

In school news, Around the World took the class to Chicago, home of deep dish pizza and incredibly primitive scoreboards. Friendship class went in the other direction and decided to go to the Amazon, so... camping, I guess? Hitting Things learned about horses. Or how to hit things from a horse, I guess?

You kids actually managed to keep the squirrels off your backs in the dorms, while a few places opened in town. Hardison had to deal with the staff of Luke's turning the place into a jumping puzzle - eeeugh, I'm glad my life doesn't have a whole lot of those - until Raven showed up and cowed the staff with some body-morphing magic.

At Demon Marcus, Sparkle's minion Ada was having a bad day, but she got an Isabela doing cherry tricks and a Hardison buying stuff, so I'm guessing she came out all right. Cara continued to fight the good fight by keeping Tino from doing anything April Fools related - ugh, every time I say that I keep picturing this old lady hanging behind me, judging all of my choices. No, don't ask me why.

Anyway, to finish things up, Jess decided to test out her new night vision mask by playing paintball. Keeping life interesting, huh, Jess?

... Okay, that's it. I am going to go home and I am going to sleep for approximately twelve hours, or until dinner is ready. Later.

Hey, Fandom, congratulations, you survived yesterd--

...

Do I smell fabric softener--?

*chittering*

Yeah, yeah, don't rush m-- it's you, isn't it, Leroy? Why do you-- ugh, you know what, never mind. Let's get this show on the road. In school, Friendship class decided to feel the spirit of Saint Patrick's Day by going to Blarney Castle, which sounds fake. No, seriously, that's not really a thing, is it? It sounds like a Selkath gurgling underwater. Kathy told Eliot all about being accepted to some high-flying college, congratulations, and got a job out of the bargain. Pretty sure that's not how it usually works.

Around the World went to Rio and stuffed the students full of meat, and Hitting Things tried to avoid a bar fight. Are you feeling okay, Cara?

The wind was wreaking havoc on the dorms, as Anders found himself bare-assed and covered in shamrocks outside his locked door. Oops. His equally-naked roommate - I don't think the guy even needs that description, but whatever, squirrels - also didn't have keys, so they discussed the advantages of breaking in versus getting someone to pick the lock. The decision was made for them when Kathy eventually showed up to pick the lock for Anders. *beat* Yeah, I'm sorry, if picking a lock bestows Goddess status, I'd be the Force-King of every pantheon in the multiverse.

But legally.

Town was even worse off than the dorms - don't I know it - as yesterday's host Hardison had to sprint buck-naked to Luke's. That can't be sanitary. According to Eliot, a shirt may or may not have landed on the pony? And she... made a kite out of it. That's destruction of property.

At the police station, Jessica grappled with her missing top and so did our esteemed Mayor, who showed up demanding fashion and drain-clearing advice. Okay then. Sparkle's minion Ada ran a special on discount clothes for shamrocks at Demon Marcus - hey, smart - when Dante showed up shirtless and talking about the merits of keeping your clothes off. I'm gonna leave that right there.

Barton showed up shirtless at the Perk, because why not have coffee in your underwear, and hashed out the seating chart for his wedding. Kitty laughed at the shirtless, so at least someone was responding to this situation like a normal person. Actually, so did Stark, but considering he was also mostly naked, I'm calling glass houses there. Dante lost his shirt upon entry and was really confused about it, but got the 'it's Fandom' lecture from Barton. Well, 'it's Fandom or you forgot your shirt'.

A clothed Cara berated Tino for being naked in the bar - ewwww - though she relented for Steve. He got a free drink instead. This is fair, I think.

Anyhow, that's it for the news. The winds have died down, thank god, so you can keep your pants on. Just be careful when you step outside. It's sparkling out there.

Hey, Fandom. We're all back safe and sound, everyone's settled in, blah blah give me the notes, squirrels, I'm not stretching this out any longer just because Leroy--

*chittering*

Oh, you know what you did.

In school, Pinkie's latest bout of friendship-fueled weirdness decided to run off to Zanzibar. Which I'm told is actually a place, and not some kind of supermarket. Anyhow, after class, Kathy filled Eliot in on her trip back home to attend the funeral of a colleague's wife. Ouch. Awkward. The Skywalker and Kenobi Subtext Train docked in Ghana today, while Cassandra took over for Cara in Hitting Things. She gave the class stuff to hit.

In the dorms, Ringo met Kathy up on the roof for-- *shifting of notes* Oh, come on, do I really have to report on this kind of teenage drama? Look, you'll all laugh about this in a couple of years when you're actually grown people and not wandering bundles of hormones. Anyway, Ringo confessed her love to Kathy, and Kathy pulled the old 'um, sorry, I don't swing that way'. She got a big dose of awkward this week, didn't she?

Jessica spent her time in town at the Trooper Station, messing around with mask improvements. Hardison had to deal with the staff emulating Chopped at Luke's, in what I'm told is-- okay, which one of you wrote 'an affront to the noble Dutch' on this note? You're squirrels. American squirrels. Anyway, Dante was back up on the Kwik Stop roof feeding cats, and Sparkle's minion Ada slept through her Demon Marcus shift.

You know I have to report this, right? I mean, not that Sparkle will probably care, I'm just saying, that's poor planning.

And that's it for today, so have a good one, or at least try not to get attacked by something or something.

Hey, Fandom. It's another day of sex pollen week, which means I'm going to be reading these notes with a hand over my eyes--

*chittering*

--No, I don't want you to write them down in braille! I want them to not have to be a thing I have to read over the radio! Damn squirrels, go bug a rancor-- Anyway.

Okay, let's start off with school. That can't be that bad. Friendship class went to the zoo, which is nice and kid-friendly and good job, Pinkie. Around the World went to Egypt, which, I feel like there's a Nile joke in there I won't be making.

*chittering*

Yes, I know I technically just made it. Scram. The students had to identify the various pyramids, then go through a museum to count all the cats. There better not be punning happening there, kids. After that, they had to choose between... aw, Skywalker, don't tell me you set these kids loose on belly dancers? Come on. The students checked in at the end, and Skywalker decided to annoy Kenobi by rambling endlessly about sand. Smooth like a Zakkeg, I swear.

Cara used my sim for hitting people, which seems like a rational way to go about it. Cosette was distracted from her quality time in the romance section by the arrival of Edward, who had a package and I swear this better not be a euphemism.

In the - *sigh* - dorms, Ezra was poking around for a change of clothes when Lucille stopped by to... ...ask for his advice on picking sunflowers. That's what I'm going to call it from now in. That's what happened. Kathy was doing yoga in her room when Ringo showed up to shop for sunflowers with her on the internet. Dante came by for reasons I'm sure are completely sunflower-related, and Anders suggested that maybe Kathy should consider selling some sunflowers. Like, on a market place, somewhere nice and wholesome, like Panama.

*chittering*

Of course I know what Panama is. It's that place that sells bread.

In town, Cara kept the bar stocked with a spray bottle in case someone decided to bring their sunflowers around. Smart thinking. Jessica decided to lead the station into a game of ... ... picking the leaves off of sunflowers... for the day and I am not going to ask. I am not. Going. To ask.

Anyway, we finish off with Ada setting fire to things in the burn barrel, which is not a euphemism, and then Isabela stopped by to compliment her on exchanging sunflowers with her roommate the other day okay good we are DONE--

*click*

--seriously, who let you squirrels on the haw-- oh, we're live. Fantastic. Why would you wait five minutes for me to actually park this bucket?

Hey, good morning, Fandom. This is yesterday's news from today's hopefully-not-a-crashing-ball-of-flames-in-five-seconds.

Friendship is International went to some place called the Taj Mahal that I think I've seen pictures of. They have water, right? I remember there being a pond or something. Kinda Onderon-y otherwise. Skywalker and Kenobi's International Repression Hour saw the class going to Moscow where it was apparently really damn cold. Yeah, you try Alderaan in winter. They had to deliver brides to their grooms - people signed on for that? - ran around a library looking for books, and then either scrubbed a bus or did something with...

... nesting dolls? That sounds creepy.

Hitting Things hit things. Nice and straight forward. Unlike Cosette's shift at the library, which involved books with anxiety.

Aw, come on.

In Town, Hardison spent his time at Luke's preventing some kind of accent disaster involving something called Cajun, and can you get off my case now, squirrels, I've been circling MCA for the past two minutes and I WOULD LIKE TO--

*click*

Hey, island, uh, apparently the guy who usually does this is... something to do with a tree?

Okay, you know what, back up, I don't wanna know.

Computer Science covered the idea of computers across time, and then played the Oregon Trail. Hey... I remember that game. Hm. Maybe that's an idea for a later-- anyway. Lying 101 talks about what lie to tell what audience and how. Big thing to keep in mind, kids. I think this guy knows what he's talking about. Meanwhile Practical Phys Ed is more into throwing punches, but then who isn't, on this island?

Me. Me, I like talking better than throwing punches. Just putting that out there.

In town, Eliot deals with the cooks at Luke's Diners, who think 'gourmet tacos' count as real tacos. They don't. Trust me. And hey, Sparks? If I see you bring a bag of kale chips within five miles of the apartment, I'm gonna shoot it, okay? I have limits.

At the Perk, Lucille enjoys a nice pot of tea and a book she doesn't want anybody to see - thanks for mentioning that, squirrels - when her friend Cassandra comes along, and...

Nutcake? Huh. You two have a higher class of squirrel bribery going on here. And I think it's going to Leroy's head. Look, he's wearing a--

... oh, that's his classier twin, Elroy. Sorry about that.

Anyway, that's radio for today, have a nice... Tuesday, I guess.

Hey, island, this is Atton Rand, and I guess I'm doing another semester of radio. No thanks to the squirrels, who I swear are acting like droids in disguise a little more every day.

*chittering*

Go sit on the bench, Leroy.

*emphatic chittering*

THE BENCH.

Ahem. In school, you guys were hitting the introductions hard, with Friendship is International opening with some song and dance about passports before getting right into the Grand Canyon.

*chittering*

I know what the Grand Canyon is! As per tradition, introductions were had, and then Steve showed up to find Pinkie, his teaching buddy. I am so sorry. I'd say your next drink at Caritas is on me, but if I did that for every new teacher that got their brain broken, I'd be out of credits. Anders wound up having to ask about the passport thing, but because he's been here a while, he knew he should go to Eliot about it.

In Around The World, Skywalker and Kenobi... didn't do introductions. Huh. They went to some place called The Netherlands, which sounds dirty if you ask me, where the kids had to pair up for future classes, then take some kind of artsy canal tour and take pictures. You're slacking, Anakin. ... Oh, no, wait, after that the students either had to find a bike or jump over a giant muddy ditch. Never mind. He's just revving up his engines. The kids arrived at the Pit Stop largely covered in mud in the end.

Finally, Cara's class covered introductions real quick before immediately seguing into clown punching. Cara's great.

Anyway, to close things off in the school department, Cosette found - or had? I'm not sure? - a bunch of panda plushies under the desk in the library.

In town, that Dante kid was hanging out on the Kwik Stop rooftop again, trying to hit on some new kid in a fur coat. This is my complete lack of surprise. Welcome to high school, Lucille. At Demon Marcus, Sparkle's new minion Ada clung to her coffee until Isabela showed up to complain about Kenobi and Skywalker taking out their sexual tension on the students.

*pause*

Yeah, no. That's just Anakin. He's a sadist. If anything the tension's probably distracting him from tormenting you.

Not that I'm saying there's tension.

Outside the Trooper Station, Jessica shot whatever decorations the troopers decided they didn't like. And you imply I'm a loose cannon. Finally, at Caritas, Cara ended her day of punching clowns by throwing stuff at the zombies because of their abuse of-- I know it said cowbell before. I've been on this planet for years! You don't need to translate any-- ohhh, banthabell. Ew. Anyway, Jack and Broody McEyebrows showed up to do drinks and talk about Broody's new house well away from my apartment building.

Hey, maybe the halls'll get less creepy!

*chittering*

Stop editorializing, Leroy.

*click*

--okay, I went out of my way squirrels wouldn't be able to follow me here, why the--

*chittering*

You wanted to go skiing?

*chittering*

You know what, shut up. I don't wanna know.

Anyway, most of you people were sane and just lurked at home doing holiday things, or whatever. Kathy padded around the dorms in a Christmas outfit, delivering trees and cookies. Dante reacted by-- okay, you know this kid by now, and I'm not comfortable finishing that sentence. Raven was amazed at her energy: yeah, that's the kind of thing I don't get. Why so up about the holidays? Lottie got some music on vinyl from Kathy, which I think means she wins the 'biggest hipster in the student set' competition.

At the trooper station, of course Jess was still working, busting a bunch of gremlins for... impersonating a snowman? Is that a crime now? Hardison tried to win the 'Bleeding Heart of the Year' award by boxing up food for the people who needed them.

Yeah, go pat yourself on the back.

That's it for the week. I need to get back to this winter vacation thing. There's this asshole in an offensively yellow hipster track suit that's about to go down the number four slope, and I don't wanna miss watching him cras--

*click*

Hey, Fandom. Atton Rand here to let you know that-- *rustling* Hunting 101 dealt with angels yesterday. Apparently there was a movie, or something?

In my class, we tried to see if the kids could make enough food on a budget to cover four days. And Adulting with Cars covered more illegal behavior, like talking on the phone while you're driving. Uh. Don't do that, kids? Finally, Cosette spent her Thursday library shift all full of holiday cheer, and sigh, it's that time of the year, isn't it? That's why there's potato crap all over my notes. Fantastic.

Hey, Fandom. You were all basically hanging out at home eating food today, like Kitty and Clint did. Which apparently Kitty can't actually do. The eating food, that is.

... Yeah. That one sucks.

That's also all I've got, so I'm going to go sign off before Leroy here gets any ideas about this heap of nerf I've got with me. No, I didn't know it was a holiday, and it isn't Sparks's Thanksgiving anyway, but there was this thing with Mical and the Ithorians and the... look, it's a long story, I'm gonn--

*click*

Good morning, Fandom. Don't expect me to be cheery, because I've got a colossal headache right now.

*chittering*

Nobody likes you, Leroy.

Anyway, let's make this quick, I'm apparently going to be running around some wasteland for the better part of the next few days, so I need my painkiller time. My Hostile World class talked about fear and what it does with you. Then I asked a bunch of you contrary teenagers about what you do when you're afraid - throw knives, apparently - and how to manage it.

In the dorms, April made apple beignets and then fell asleep. None of you took advantage of the free food, which I'm not sure is commendable or stupid.

Hardison was doing something - probably slicing - on his laptop at the Diner, when Eliot showed up to talk about some guy called the Butcher. Can I have 'names to run away from really fast' for 200? ... I've been watching a lot of game shows lately. Edward was being productive by practicing his writing at the Post Office, while Cara was amused that Tino had spiked the drinks with-- okay, you know what? I'm not drinking at Caritas anymore when you're on staff, Cara.

Allie watched some lecture while hanging out near the coffee at the Perk - weird - when Cliff stopped by to tell her Kitty was alive and since when was that in question?!

*chittering*

No! Why don't you ever tell me anything useful? This was stuff I would have liked to know!

*more chittering*

Of course I don't listen to the radio when I'm off-island! I get shot at! I have better things to think about!

*chittering*

Oh, shut your pipes, Leroy.

Can I get a pair of those shock gloves, Jess? Just for, uh, totally good guy purposes. Yep.

... anyway.

*click*

Hey, Fandom. I'm kind of in a rush - apparently there's some heads I need to crack at home. So let's run through this.

In Adulting with Cars, they... washed the cars. I don't know how that Brian guy managed to make that illegal, but I'll bet he did. You all got working, either way.

My class was about picking pockets and the importance of misdirection. Then I sicced my class on each other to steal stuff. Which is only illegal if you don't do it for educational reasons.

In the warehouse district, Dante and Ringo didn't get naked, they went skating. I'm so relieved. Then Kathy showed up to join the party, and the conversation turned to breaking bones with inline skates. I'd complain, but I'm actually kind of curious now. Barry did something weird to a toaster at Stark's, Dipper was completely productive on the internet, Hardison tortured himself with violin music for reasons I can't comprehend nor understand, and Cara had to reel in Tino herself, because Kitty wasn't around.

Why's Kitty not around?

Anyway, there's going to be a party at the Devil's Nest tomorrow. Which I said I wouldn't go to for a month, but if Kitty's out of town, I---

*chittering*

Right, this stuff gets recorded. Um. Bye.

Good morning to Fandom and Crazy This Can't Possibly Go Right For Long Island, this is your radio for the day, you know the drill.

In the morning, Obi-Wan woke Anakin up early, something something they're still basically a married couple. Dante stole Ezra's lunch at the restaurant, which is a new and exciting forage into not being traumatising for those two. Cassandra enjoyed herself at the fitness center, while Jasper hit the pool.

In the Gallimamus Valley - that sounds like a name someone back home would come up with - Gwen enjoyed being around giant lizard creatures that mostly just like eating plants. Good call, Gwen. The Raptor Paddock was more popular, because not everyone is sensible around here - I am grateful for you, Gwen - and certainly not Cara, who tried to talk Kitty into hiring a raptor.

No.

No.

Tali spent the morning sensibly geeking out over movies instead. The rest of you built plush dinosaurs, swam with dinosaurs, or ziplined, presumably also with dinosaurs.

By evening, Skywalker still hadn't managed to start an island-wide dinosaur riot, for which I'm grateful. Isabela enjoyed the pool, some people bought stuff, I went on a game drive because someone needs to scope out the danger around here, and Kitty stargazed.

Kitty, I promise you I won't drink at the Devil's Nest for at least a month if you keep up the 'no hiring raptors' policy, by the way.

Anyway, that's it. Please don't ruin our no-fatalities streak on the last day. That'll be all.

Hey, island. It's another Friday morning, which in some parts of the galaxy means it's almost the end of the working week, but who knows what anyone's one-day schedule is around here.

So, in my Hostile World class, we talked about bullying, and how you should contact a grown-up if it's happening, or just get a metric tonne of glitter and boobytrap their house. I encouraged the class to, uh, think about that and handed out anti-bullying materials.

On a completely different subject, Hunting 101 discussed ghosts, why they might hang around, and where they might be active. In my experience, the answers are 'to be a pain in the ass and make you feel like hell', and 'anywhere you don't want them to be', but that might just be Force ghost-specific. Oh, and there's the what to do about them, too. If anyone knows? Tell me. Asking for a friend.

*chittering*

No, really, asking for a friend.

Adulting With Cars finally got practical with a lesson on how to break into cars, and then set the students off on a who can break into a car fastest competition. Educating today's youth and tomorrow's trailblazers, Brian.

In the dorms, Alana was hosting a one-woman dance party, which started with Mara showing up to make it a two-woman dance party, and then presumably leaving before Dante turned up and turned the party horizontal.

*chittering*

Keep it clean!

Cara spent her Caritas shift giving Tino the cold shoulder - no change there, screw that guy - and Jess had to deal with the troopers playing the Quiet Game. Whatever that is. It sounds annoying. Sorry, Jess. You need me to come around and be surly at them for a while? I can be impressive. Oh, apparently you showed up to the Perk later, where Kitty was dealing with free flamingo-bought coffee or whatever and... something about a cat and gremlin incident? And different worlds.

*clears throat* Anyway, that was it for this week, blah blah, see you next week.

Hey, island. It's Friday, and I guess I'm doing this on the regular now. Prepare to have whatever boring business you were up to yesterday broadcasted in public, I guess.

In school news, hey, there were classes again. Hunting 101 got the class set up picking out hunting kits. Preparation is half the battle, kids. Well, maybe fifteen percent. They talked a lot about salt - not sure if that's real salt or that Holonet meme. I'm going to assume class time wasn't spent surfing that, or I've found a lazier teacher than me. Speaking of which, I ran Hostile World class through some practical sims to see how they'd do in a crisis. Like getting pickpocketed, or trying to break through an impending assault on your starship, which are more similar events than you'd think.

And in non-class news, Cosette was apparently worried over by the books. I'm never going to be able to look at that library the same again, am I?

I assume everyone was hiding their hook-ups well based on this lack of dorms notes, while in town a bunch of stores were opening. Like Android's Dungeon, which saw Dipper reading, Groovy Tunes which tormented Lottie with not-so-groovy tunes and Caritas, which had Cara dealing with a ... flamingo playing the glockenspiel?

Is that a euphemism for something?

Stark Industries was apparently full of cursing or something, because Kathy stopped by to warn Barry about his language. And finally, Sarah was in a crappy mood, so I stopped by with some food and a nice bottle of juma. No reason to waste your day on bad booze, all right?