[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"And now the end is near, and so we face the final curtain...that song is depressing, so I'll spare you the rest, but you should keep in mind there's our fair share of goodbyes today.

Lots and lots of farewells )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"This would be the part where I say something witty and you laugh, though I can't hear you because this is a one-way system, and then we get on with the news. Let's pretend we did that and get started, shall we?

The news )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I HAVE EARPLUGS IN. WHY? BECAUSE OF THOSE THINGS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE SINGING BUT IT WAS HORRIBLE. WHAT? THEY'RE NOT IN HERE? Oh. I guess I can take the earplugs out and stop shouting then. Ladies, gentlemen, bugs of all shapes and sizes, this is Hawkeye Pierce, you're listening to WTFH pirate radio and this is the news )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Look Fandom, let's cut to the chase here. You know and I know that this isn't really news so much as gossip. Not to knock the importance of gossip, especially in a small town like this, but every time I say 'and this is the news' I feel dirty. So tonight there is no news. There are the sordid details written down by a group of squirrels with little fedoras because they're watching now. And now that I've unnerved a good portion of Fandom's population, I'm ready to read these notes! I'm Hawkeye Pierce. You're listening to WTFH pirate radio and this is the gossip of the day )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ah, Fandom. How I love these little moments we share. I know you can't see it, but I have some candles burning, a bottle of wine to drink and there's even a squirrel playing a tiny violin. It's moments like these that make our relationship special. Shall we get on with the proceedings?

Here's the news )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ladies, gentlemen, squirrels. Can I interest you in some news? Don't be shy. I know you want to know all about what everyone had for lunch. A roast beef sandwich, in case anyone was wondering about me.

This is Hawkeye Pierce, you're listening to WTFH pirate radio and this is the news )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ah, Fandom. I love these little moments we share. This is Hawkeye Pierce and you're listening to WTFH pirate radio. If you need your recommended daily dose of gossip, you've tuned in to the right station.

This is the news. )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"You have the wrong guy! I'm the Wednesday guy. Do I look like Rose Hathaway? You shouldn't be nodding at that question. Fine. Give me the notes. And the rum. No, the rum isn't optional. I had a perfectly good night planned out before you showed up. TV reruns count as a perfectly good night. They're brand new to me.

Of course the microphone's on. Hi Fandom, Hawkeye Pierce here on WTFH pirate radio, all pirates tunes all the time. That's a lie and I don't care. I never tell a lie except for all of the occasions when I do.

This is the news )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Do not adjust your radios. Do not check your calendars. It's not actually Wednesday. It's Tuesday and I'm Hawkeye Pierce here on WTFH pirate radio. I don't know why the squirrels came to find me on Tuesday instead of Wednesday, but they brought an apple pie with them, so I'm not arguing.

Where's the secret party? )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"No, you can't all get bandages as a show of solidarity. You'd have to hurt your tiny little paws first. That's not a challenge. Can I have the notes? Thank you.

Evening Fandomites! This is Hawkeye Pierce and you're listening to WTFH pirate radio.

This is the news )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ladies, gentlemen, gentlefish, gentlewolves, gentlemoose, this is Hawkeye Pierce and you're listening to WTFH pirate radio. Can I interest you in some news? Oh go on, I know you can't wait to hear what everyone had for dinner.

On with the news! )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Do you do room service too? I know this isn't a hotel room, but it's still a room. No room service? I'll have to settle for rum service.

Good evening, Fandom! You're listening to WTFH pirate radio, I'm your host Hawkeye Pierce and this is the news )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"It can't be Wednesday again. What happened to Thursday through Tuesday? I resent that implication, squirrel. Let us never speak of this lapse of time passing ever again. At least until I forget and bring it up again next week.

Fandomites rejoice! It's that time again. This is Hawkeye Pierce and you're listening to WTFH pirate radio from here right in downtown Fandom.

Never let it be said Fandom is a quiet town )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Aha! So, Fandom, I'm told that some of you out there voted for me to have a regular night reporting the daily gossip for you. What you really voted for was for me to have a steady supply of free rum one night a week. Kudos to you, good sirs and madams!

This is Hawkeye Pierce, you're listening to WTFH pirate radio and this is the news. )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ahh, my rodential friends! Or not my friends. I can't really tell you apart. You've redecorated! No? Something's different. Do any of you have new haircuts? It might be the leis you're wearing around your necks, but I can't say for sure.

What's this? A microphone? For me? You shouldn't have. No really, you shouldn't have. I might break out into acrostic poem or sing the notes to the tune of a Gilbert and Sullivan song. Are you sure you want to risk that? Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you! I'll behave for tonight. Well, for some approximation of behave. The notes please?

Good evening ladies, gentlemen, Fandomites of all shapes and sizes and forms of life. Or unlife, if that's more your thing.

This is Hawkeye Pierce, and this is the news. )
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ladies, gentlemen, partygoers of all ages, this is the pirate's own Fandom Radio and this is DJ Hawk on the airwaves for the last time. As soon as I hang up these headphones and put away the microphone, I'm leaving Fandom's fair shores. It's been a blast. On with the party news, but be warned, I think the squirrels have been drinking.

School: Try Not to Blow it Up

Dawn kicked Sam the Man out, Anders' ex-girlfriend wants to get back together with him and Will hates us all and went to the mainland to buy some pickles.

Mrs Poppins left and those notes are smudged by what I'm sure are squirrel tears. At least I hope they're squirrel tears. And, oh Mrs Poppins wouldn't approve of this, Wilson and Aziraphale had mad, hot, sweaty man sex. You heard it right here, kids. Then Bel showed up. I'll leave the rest to your imagination, because I'm not going there.

Nadia the lemming was chased by Cally the cat. Are you giving each other nicknames now or are there more crazy animal antics?

Town: Try not to Blow That Up Either

The clinic was overrun by ferrets wearing loincloths.

Nadia and Walter decided to be nudists down at Serenity Cove. We have a nudist beach and no one told me?

The hotel spontaneously combusted. I think they're just making stuff up now."

*squirrel chittering that may sound like laughter to other squirrels*

"And here's the news you were all waiting for. New Year's Eve parties!

Devil's Nest was the quieter of the two, but still a good place to drink if you're over 21. Wilson and Az made a deal with the devil, possibly involving a treesome - no, I really said treesome not threesome, the squirrels are playing with us, the little nuts, Schrodinger chased his own tail, Marie showed she lives under a rock, Cally invited Kaylee to join her and Mac.

I'm not touching that one.

Jamie started - and finished - a conga line. The Tick was there in his big, blue glory and the notes say a tutu, but the tutu is purple not blue, so I wouldn't believe everything you hear on the radio. Yuuko danced on the bar, The Tick was beaten by Lucifer in an arm wrestle, Al and Kaylee made out under the table and Wilson and Aziraphale performed the Nutcracker Suite to a disco beat.

And apparently Wilson danced with the devil in the pale moonlight before they rang in the New Year.

Down Caritas way was a little busier than usual. Alec and Dean turned into lemmings and talked about Seely in a dress, Sister Rosette agreed to kick her habit and marry John Connor, then they talked about Seely in a dress. GOB became a superhero and wore tights. John Connor and Billy did dirty, dirty things to each other, Sister Rosette decided to drop JC for Billy, Leo decided to buy stocks in Wal-Mart, GOB agreed to give JC free drinks and...you guessed it.

Seely was in a dress. Dawn got a piggyback from Seely in a dress, Seely challenged English to a duel to win Willow's hand, then he whispered sweet nothings to Bel, then Yitzhak, Alec and Jake.

Jake brought coffee and then talked coffee with Krycek. Billy told Dr Venture about the time a troll peed on him. Well, not really, but I thought I'd bring it up again. GOB and Venture talked about sharing a zombie hooker.

Jaye and Jake GOT THE SQUIRRELS DRUNK. This is all their fault!

Jaye gave Seely fashion tips, Jarod danced with Jaye - aww, what a cute couple - Billy said something interesting and noteworthy, GOB tried to kick Jaye out but she kicked him in the groin, Jaye and Alec swore an oath of celibacy, Maureen danced with Jarod - eh, not as cute, go back to the other one - GOB and Jarod decided to join the Extreme Makeover Home Edition team, Aeryn and John do the tango and GOB duelled with Bel.

Chad and Teddy watched the serving girls. No, I'm not making that one up. They really did. Jake showed off his new look to Anders who still isn't gay. REALLY. Speaking of which, Anders bought Billy a drink. He-lloooo. GOB became a fortune teller gypsy, Bel and Anders had more unresolved sexual tension than usual, then went outside to resolve it, then there was karaoke!

JC sang Streisand, Yitzhak sang Bon Jovi, GOB sang that Barbie Girl song, Anders sang Bette Midler and GOB sang a duet with his puppet Franklin and then they made out. Yes, he made out with a puppet.

Then they all count down to midnight.

And that, my good friends, is it. Stay safe, have a good year, be good to your teachers and each other and for the love of all things holy, try not to blow anything up. This is Hawkeye Pierce, signing off. Farewell Fandom!"
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
HAWKEYE: "Ladies, gentlemen, supernatural creatures of all phases of existence, welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. I'm your host, DJ Hawk, and here with me tonight is my dear friend, Doctor Sidney Freedman, psychiatrist and psycho. He won't be saying much, but he's here to keep me company. Say hello, Sidney."

SIDNEY: "Hello listeners. Hawkeye, I'm amazed you finally found an outlet for your overwhelming ego."

HAWKEYE: "Works like a charm. On to news, so I can get out of here. There's a bottle of whiskey with my name on it."

School Daze: Promiscuity Survives Even in the 21st Century

HAWKEYE: "Last night, Jude and Chad my notes say 'made out like a making out thing that makes out'. Who gave the squirrels coffee? Confess! Today Chad, Nadia and Pippi duked it out in the gym, not literally I hope, and the fifth floor common room was all abuzz with activity thanks to a evil flying pink pony awareness party. It's good to see you kids finding some worthy causes. Nadia and Pippi talked about Pip and that thing, the sneaky thing, something involving shenanigans and I think Herman the hearing impaired squirrel took these notes because they're all guess work and made up words. Walter was there and bored but talked to Nadia about guns and what he's been up to. Sounds ominous. Anders was there and found out about Cally sending around a survey. More on that soon. Walter and Anders talked about sex, Nadia and Anders talked about slogans, Jude showed up minus his cast and talked to Nadia and then Anders about a glider and Pippi about the joys of walking. Alec was there and also bored - get a hobby - and talked to Nadia, Pippi and Anders. Then Dean the doppleganger arrived to chat with Alec.

Cally sent around a survey asking about her ex-boyfriend's sex life. Speculation says she's not over him. I know the signs. I've seen them directed at me before. 'People' give their answers and the squirrels think you're all smartypantses. Pantsi? Pants? Walter and Teddy asked what the hell she was doing, and I think that's a question we'd all like answered, except for those of us who don't really care. Tyler spends some time on the internet."

SIDNEY: "What's the internet?"

HAWKEYE: "It's a series of tubes. Z wrote a letter home, Nadia Sweet Nadia found herself a place up on the roof, which gives me an idea, and she and Pippi talked about how Pip acts when he's sick. He acts sickly, I assume.

The notes say I'm right, because he was in bed and drinking plenty of fluids.

Town: Where There's Not Enough Rum

HAWKEYE: "There's no brunch. Possibly because it's Thursday and not Sunday when I normally do this radio gig. All was quiet during the clinic shifts both day and night.

The Church was open and Sister Rosette and Chrono talked about three French hens. Cher and Miss Jane talked about having a date. Stop talking and just do it! Billy complimented Lucy in the Park and the Photo Hut, Hitsuzen and the Devil's Nest were all open and Billy was there at the latter. All and Sundries was the place to be for Cally, who wanted ice cream. And Door helped Jamie stick pencils in the ceiling at Empire Records.

Marie had dinner with two of her teachers, Wilson and Az, and brought them a Christmas gift. A little late there Marie, but it's the thought that counts. Aaaaaand that's it."

SIDNEY: "Charming place you have here."

HAWKEYE: "It's a quiet week. And now, goodnight, farewell, and...well, you know the rest."

*sounds of a bottle being opened, the clank of glasses and drinks being poured*
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"--the hell? Aha! Is this thing on?" Clashing, banging, and clattering echoed into the microphone. "Watch where you put that thing! Men and gentleladies, this is Hawkeye. This is radio. This is a gingerbread man waving his arms at me." Silence. "Run, run as fast as you can, this is still my show, that's still my drink and this is still my chair."


"Fine, keep the chair."

School: Only Good With There Are Brownies Involved

"I'd like you all to appreciate that I'm doing this broadcast on my knees. Well, one knee at least. I can't feel the other one. I think it's still there. Hey, Anders was sleeping in the hallway. I've slept there. It's cosy. Bel found him. Was there sex involved? No sex in the hallways without a permit! Jaye was kept awake by her music bot. I don't know what that means. Teddy slept in his own bed.

I like sleep. And cheese. And..."

The microphone picks up snoring for a few seconds.

"Ow! Bad cookie, no monkey. John and Aeryn had a serious tinsel talk, Jude and Chad had wake up pancakes. Pancakes! Run, run as fast as you can little gingerbread man and get me some pancakes." Pause. "No, waffles won't do." Pause. "I could settle for crepes. Madrox, the singular not the plural, got a phone call. Pippi and Nadia slept with...no, that sounds wrong. They were in Jamie's room. Mac distracted Cally.

Jack can't find Cedric so he goes to see Sam Carter with a pink lizard fish kiwi elephant thing. DAWN AND DEAN GIVE SAM A PUPPY AND IT IS SO CUTE OH-EM-GEE." Pause. "That's what the notes said." Pause. "Don't look at me like that. Your eyes look tasty. Jack and Izzy-Izzy-Bo-Bizzy-Fee-Fi-Fo-Fi-Fizzy Izzy came back to the dorms because they couldn't find Cedric. WHERE ARE YOU CEDRIC? Come back to us! Be roguish and charming and wear lots of yellow and black! Who else will if you won't?

Saka...Ruza...Sukaraz...her talked the twins and played game thingies. Ranma came to sell encyclopedias. Bel and Anders played cowboys and indians. Jamie was the big chief and told them about his phone call. Pee-Ay-Arr-Kay-Eee-Arr visited Izzy-Izzy-Bo-Bizzy-Fee-Fi-STOP STARING AT ME. Marty and Angela had a talk. Oooooh someone's in troooouble. Willow and English got married.

I have to pee.

Mr Gingerbread Man...yes you. Are there any other gingerbread men around? Well how would I know? That's not really my scene. Well you went to the first floor lobby and then Willow sent you to JGOB. Did you make friends? Meet a nice meringue to take out to dinner?

Nadia slept in the stairwell. Was there a slumber party I wasn't invited to? Pippi carried her back to her room.

In the fourth floor common room Jude made pancakes on a stick. Joxer tried to turn Jude into a fortune cookie. I'm not making that one up. That's what the notes say. English tried the food and had tea. Was this before or after he got married? Joxer insulted English's tea. Was there appropriate retribution? Conner ate pancakes and talked holidays, Jude threw a pancake at Shawn and talked about starting an injured band.

The roof was booming tonight with Pip playing guitar, Pip and Pippi not remembering lyrics and...stuff. What stuff? Give back those notes! Thank you. Pippi told Walter about the Teal Deer trip. Did you get into trouble again? Why do I keep asking questions that can't be answered? Did I remember to turn off the oven? Pip and Walter talked about...hahahahahaha...they talk about un-emoing the roof. Nadia told about that time she was attacked by a critter and Nadia and Pip talked about Merdebaise's evil twin.

The fifth floor common room had people. Hey, Nadia was there. Nadia's everywhere. Billy told Nadia about a tree in the lobby. What did I say about plant life in the lobby?

No really, what did I say? If you know, call me.

Everyone's annoyed at Marty. It is not a good day to be Marty Blank, if any day ever is.

Town: Where the Other Baked Goods Roam

Wilson, Daisy, Jane and Cher had breakfast together. I hope there was cheese involved. I like cheese.

Sunday Brunch was alive and well. Can a brunch be dead? I want to give the eulogy. Rosette taunted the gingerbread man." Pause. "No, you can't eat her brains. What the hell? Where are you going? Goodbye, my baked good friend! Don't eat the nun's brains!

Cedric was at the beach. Maybe a shark got him. GOB taunted the gingerbread man too at Caritas. Then there was fire juggling! GOB was showing off for Becky. You ol' dog.

The clinic was quiet for Trevor but Venture stopped by for Stark.

Billy got his leg back from Sparky's. Hikaru let the gingerbread man, I'm now calling you Gingy, stop there for a break. Wilson hung out at the Devil's Nest. The notes say he does that a lot now and that we should worry for his liver. Don't worry little squirrel woodland friend, livers are replaceable. Human ones anyway. I can't speak for gingerbread ones. But Gingy sat by Lucy. Gingy was traumatized by JGOB after that. No sweet meringue? Conner stopped at Hitsuzen. Gesundheit.

In breaking news, Gingy left Fandom. He never even said goodbye. Not that he could talk. Maybe he was a she. There weren't any visible gingerbread parts on the outside.

I'm hungry. I want pizza. Okay bye now."
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ladies, gentlemen, trolls, this is the late, great ex-Captain Vice Pierce Principal Hawkeye Esquire the Third. This is the radio owned by the pirate, which I'm not qualified for. Radio operating or piracy, but doctoring I am qualified for and yet I'm not doing it. At all. Go figure. Here I am with a microphone instead of a scalpel. And that. What's that? That, my good friends, although you can't see it, is a bottle of the finest malt whiskey this side of the Chesapeake. That may not mean anything to you, but it does to my pickled liver.

School: Where Lessons Are Learned, Except For The "DON'T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE" One

Jake had the right idea and was wandering the halls gathering supplies. No wait, he was protecting tomorrow's breakfast. Seely looked like he'd been through a war but still wanted to rescue Willow, and if that doesn't say something for his character, I don't know what would. Door the student not door the inanimate object told Jake about the trolls, then tried to get Seely to the clinic.

Z woke up in pain like half of Fandom. Belthazor and Samuel Anders woke up together and may be indulging in marital bliss amongst the chaos. War time marriages rarely work out, boys. John and Aeryn try to protect each other, but they're too stubborn for their own good. Cally and Mac acted like NORMAL teenagers and stayed barricaded in Mac's room like the Principal told them to. John Connor talked to himself, Ray stared at Molly, Joxer was macho, boy-like and kind of stupid, but he had Nurse Kaylee on the job to keep him distracted.

The Fifth Floor Common Room was where those who had had their fill of fighting went tonight. Marty kept her company, Walter brought her ice that was too cold and the monkey brought her a banana. Cally was surprised Nadia wasn't out killing trolls. That's because Nadia doesn't have a troll-killing license. That's right. Anyone who doesn't have a license to kill trolls is going to be fined. Pay up. Walter told Cally about destroying a golf cart, and not a golf cat like I first read. Either way, it's coming out of your allowance. Marty says there's no shame in not fighting.

Marty Blank: Fandom's very own Confucious.

And finally, in an unwavering act of patriotism, heroics and whatever other shiny phrases they use to get people to put their bodies in harm's way, The Doctor Currently Known As Cher had people sign up for a rescue mission. Note to self: revise interview process, remove all candidates who recruit students into vigilante squads. Note to self: ignore former note since it's unlikely you'll be able to find anyone who will want to teach here who isn't already crazy enough to do that.

The draftees: Great Balls of Fire, the Cheerleader, Flyboy Wannabe, Dances With Visa, Sir Bowsalot, Bright-As-A-Tomato Boy, The Flying Argentinian, Batshit Junior, Eric Clapton Muse, Likes Great Balls of Fire, Tyler Durden, Mercenary Light, Redhead of the High Seas, Window and More Than Just a Pretty Face.

The whole package came complete with free weapons, a plan, a weekend in your favorite troll-infested island and an insir...inspar...inspirational speech. Offer not valid in Kansas.

Town, Or What's Left Of It

Az and Wilson had a busy day, with breakfast in the morning and going home at night. What a novel idea. In not so novel approaches, but more like novella or short story approaches, the junk yard was occupied overnight by Kawalsky, Alanna, Alianne and Sam Carter.

All and Sundries is closed for the day, Jacks' Roses is closed for good because of our visitors, the Arms hattened down the batches, Lucy threw the trolls out of his bar because they didn't have appropriate ID and Billy tried to take on five trolls at the former ice rink. Billy's an idiot. I want to be able to give detention out to people for being idiots.

Caritas was the place to be this afternoon when it was closed. The lovely but deadly Zoe was there to set up a base of operations and talk to GOB. Cher talked his way out of getting fired, Jesse and New York Peter joined the party. Cameron saluted, Pippi danced the Cha Cha, Parker tried not to complain about anything, Zoe and Professor Dad hugged and were inspiring, Jane got herself a drink and GOB became her new best friend. Jane called Cher ugly, Cher asked Az for a miracle, Janice arrived, the junk yard junkies stopped by too for warm cocoa, Parker and Sam shared war wounds, Billy bled everywhere, Clark asked for a weapon, Cameron and Samantha were antsy, Pippi, Pip and El were cute. El was cute? I don't think my brain can handle that kind of mental image at this hour. Dawn was there, so was her rhyming buddy Shawn who healed Isabel and Billy. English made an appearance, Seely showed up to rescue Willow, but Willow was already there and she talked to English, waved to Dawn, chatted with Pippi, Billy and Parker. Door arrived through the door. Isabel talked to Willow and Parker.

Then it was time for another inspiring announcement and they were off!

By the time Caritas actually opened, only GOB was there, singing Queen. GOB's a singing queen. Someone should buy him a crown. Or a tiara with sparkly plastic diamonds.

The clinic was busy as it usually is when random mythical beings attack our fair shores.

During the day, Doctor Goodchild was in charge, but Doctor Lambert was there too. So were Seely, Billy, Jane, Cher, Ranma, Isabel, Draco, Jude, Chad, Logan Cale, Thursday and probably Friday-through-Wednesday as well.

During the night, Stark was in charge, but Doctor Lambert and Doctor Reid were there too. So were Naomi, Cameron, Lana, Jim, Jarod, Az, Sam Carter, Jack, Bel, Doctor Venture, Doctor Venture's eyeball, Pippi, John Connor, Dean Winchester, Logan Cale, Thursday, Mary Sue, Billy Bob and Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.

Fighting Trolls: It's What Fandom Does When It's Not Fighting Jello Dragons, Snow Monsters, Mummies, Vampires, Demons, Weetiny Kittens and Zombies

There was a rescue mission at Efferton Manor. Jarod snuggled with Lana and was civil to Jack, Lorelai talked to Elliot and Vaja brought her away. I don't know who Vaja is. Or Elliot. Or Lorelai. Who are you people? Where am I? What month is this?

Bel came to rescue Phoebe and ended up in the closet. I think it's a little late for that, Bel.

Conner paced, Blair met Dr Venture and arranged a scholarship, Broots was miserable and taken to the conservatory, possibly with a lead pipe. Summer and Mary were moved. Jack talked to Evie, flirted with Koasa and tried to get stuff. Molly was dragged off, Matilda and the twins woke up and Bart found more pantry toys.

Cher led the fight outside, but only after trying to reason with them. Everyone got in on the action. If you want to know who, talk to your friends. Or listen as I tell you. Pippi, Parker, Aly, Alanna, Sam Carter, Door, Buffy, River, Jim, Shawn, Isabel, Cam, Layla, Dean, Pip, Dawn, English, Professor Dad, Ranma and Tyler. Some rescuers went to the kitchen, Professor Dad Junior the Second was rescued from Vaja's heaving cleavage. Just in the nick of time, but not in the time of Nick which was either 1825-1855 or 1894-1917 depending on which Nick we're talking about. Some success! In the conservatory. With the smoking pipe. With Professor Apricot. Amongst all of the rescuing, Cameron handed Molly off to Ray, who was cute with her.

Alas, the tale doesn't end there despite the fact that my bottle does. There were still some captives left in Efferton Manor tonight. Lana woke up on Jarod, Alec had female trolls fighting over him. I'm sure he hated it. Bel finally came out of the closet again and found Phoebe, Jack used his feminine wiles to get out.

On the outside, there be fighting! The notes are underlined as if that's meant to be news. The fighters were Cameron, Parker, Clark, Jim, Anders, Seely, Sam Carter, Layla, Teddy, Dawn, Sam Winchester, English, Alanna, Isabel, Dean Winchester, Zuko, Pippi, Willow, Billy, Gwynn and Shawn. And if you weren't mentioned, then the squirrels hate you and you should either be thankful for your privacy or bribe them with nuts.

And now, like all good church-going Christians do on Sunday, a bunch of people went to church. Door and Jane dealt with a secret passage, New York Peter and Janice fought dirty in the choir box, Jesse and Az went through the sanctuary. Why did they go through a sanctuary? Isn't a sanctuary meant to be safe? Why didn't we just go and stay in there for the weekend?

Oh, because they wanted to go to the bell tower. There was fighting and dancing. There was a musical in the bell tower? Why wasn't I invited? Don't you people like me anymore?

WAIT. Wait. Breaking news. Or it was breaking when I started this broadcast six and half years ago. Door rang the bells and the trolls have GONE. Sound the alarm! Break out the drinks! Bring me the finest martinis and breadsticks in the land.

Or go hang out at The Devil's Nest like Wilson with the new stone trolls out the front. Or throw up like Billy or beat up a robot like Doctor Venture. Or head home, like Isabel and Greg, English and Willow, Teddy, Sam and Jack, Jude and Chad. Or you could go and eat pizza in the first floor lobby or go up to the roof.

Or something. I don't care as long as you let me sleep. This is Hawkeye. You're listening to the radio. There were trolls. They left. Bye bye now."
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ladies, gentlemen, poets of all ages, welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. This is DJ Hawk bringing you the latest and greatest news from our fair isle of Fandom.

Tonight in alphabetical order!

A is for aww at Lana and Jim in the park
B is for Blair in the Fourth Floor Common Room. He was joined by mopey Bro which led to boykissy, Broots' tale of his weird family, Willow's plan to decapitate someone and Billy's lust for donuts.
C is for Caritas where Clark was emo and GOB had to listen to it. And Lucifer got a drink.
D is for the Devil's Nest where there's an over 21s gathering on Tuesday. Be there!
E is for eroticism, of which there is none in Fandom at all.
F is for the feather that Dean used to wake Alec this morning.
G is for the glider that Anders was playing with at the front gates.
H is for hiding like Crichton did to Aeryn's clothes.
I is for Izzy who's Christmas mad already.
J is for JGOB where Brunch was held. Willow and Mac, Aziraphale and Wilson talked to Lana and Jim, Willow and Miss Frizzle talked about school, Frizzle met Leo, Clark showed up and Leo thought it was Thanksgiving.
K is for Krispy Kreme which I'm craving right now.
L is for Legos in the Second Floor Common Room. Alanna was confused by the whole ordeal.
M is for making more buildings out of blocks which Z, English, Al and Kaylee joined in on while Al and Bridge talked about future town. English and Z talked about abandoned warehouses and Alanna and English talked about Thanksgiving.
N is for Nadia who was visited by Aziraphale in the clinic
O is for occupational hazards that Cameron and Samantha talked about.
P is for the popcorn Schrodinger and Mac ate in the Third Floor Common Room this afternoon
Q is for quiet time like Sakurazaki's afternoon of reading.
R is for roomies like Dawn and Sam W.
S is for Sparky Repairs which was opened by the twins.
T is for Thursday who woke up sore and had a phone call.
U is for Ultimate as in the ultimate lazy Sunday Peter Parker had. Maybe he had a peck of pickled peppers to keep him busy.
V is for vacation which is all over for now.
W is for Willow and Broots' computer geekery during Blair's common room reign while Billy and Blair talked about hookers, Angela and Blair caught up and Broots and Angela discussed souls and headaches.
X is for a letter that has no place in the English language as far as I'm concerned.
Y is for young love between Summer and Shawn.
Z is for Zzzz as in Willow's sleeping noises.

That's all from me. Have a good week and see you all next Sunday, hopefully with more interesting news to tell. Goodnight Fandom!"
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Good evening ladies, gentlemen, kings, queens, lords, ladies, knights, dragons, high priestesses, sorcerers, clerics and random farmers. This is the pirate's own Fandom Radio in Ye Olde Fandom Town with Hawkeye the mysterious gypsy foretelling the latest and greatest events today.

Well, maybe not so much foretelling as just telling, but it's still fun.

The Grand Castle We Call Home

Pippi, Chad, Willow and Marie were in their rooms today staying out of trouble.

Parker gave her dear old Dad a call and then was Miss Popularity since Isabel, Eric and Bridge stopped by.

Setsuna and Ranma showed everyone how to be civil by having tea together. Cally was domestic and organized her sock drawer, then told Mac that she was possessed by a demon. Which one? I don't know. Thank you, dangling modifiers.

Jaye prepared a package to send in the mail that's hopefully not going to involve the authorities getting involved and then talked to Izzy about Thanksgiving. Remember kids, sending lunchboxes that spew goo might sound like fun, but...oh who am I kidding? It's fun. Send away.

Luke changed into his flightsuit and then told Molly about a lightsaber accident. Just say no to futuristic laser weapons that can sever limbs.

An unholy scream came from Jamie in the Fifth Floor Public Bathroom. I'm told there was tax and woes involved. Or wax and toes. Either way, it's not good news.

In outdoor news, John Connor threw a football at a tree. Careful, around here I wouldn't be surprised if the tree threw back. Or if the football came alive and ate the tree.

Anders smoked on the roof and was joined by Bel. My notes say there was dirtiness and Cally involved, but possibly not a combination of the two. The roof was the scene for some night time action as well. Well, not action it seems. But Billy did talk on the phone.

Down in Ye Olde Second Floor Common Room, Bridge watched television and ate some cereal, then Senior Sam showed up and suggested that Bridge "fix" the coffee maker. Can it wait until next month? I think we've maxed out our insurance claims for this month. Bridge then told Broots who is still alive, insert cheering here, that Sam made coffee. Insert gasp here. Bridge and Mac decided on a low-key Sunday, as all Sundays should be. Conner with an 'er' then showed up with ice cream and emo because he was beaten up by a girl.

Insert chuckles here.

Ye Olde Fandom Town

The short version? Nadia was crazy. There were knights looking for a shrubbery just when it's the shrub's week off. Brunch was booming for once. I was entertained.

We'll get to the crazy part in just a moments, folks. First brunch at Luke's.

Naomi and Billy talked about the other two remaining parts of this broadcast. Aziraphale and Wilson talked about strange days and the Knights Who Say Ni. Cally told Azi...I'm going to call you Az from now on. Feel free to smite me. Cally told Az and Wilson about her summoning of a demon and becoming a witch. There goes my dangling modifier joke. Billy was there and showed his astounding command of body language but complete lack of command of verbal language by nodding at Wilson. Then he chatted with Rosette. That's the spirit! Marie talked with Az and Wilson about Thanksgiving and Stark was there for a feed.

Caritas featured a duck on stage. Lana and Phoebe commiserated together. I'm not sure if that was before or after Clark offered to buy Lana a drink. And apparently there's posters about a party at Caritas on Tuesday night. Free drinks? I'm there.

Down at Ye Olde Clinic, Doctor Goodchild let Luke go and The Doctor with no name stopped in on Stark.

Meanwhile, Wilson was brooding and Az cheered him up.

The Knights Who Say Ni were out and about again today. It's nice to have visitors that don't want to destroy the town and devour the students. Joxer asked to be their champion, but said 'it' and alienated the knights. Pip heard all about the knights' woeful tale, Lana decided she didn't want to give them a shrubbery - be defiant, Lana! - Clark, on the other hand, gave in and planted a shrubbery for them. This may take a while. The knights confused Billy, and Parker confused the knights. Was it retribution? Does Parker harbor a secret longing? Stay tuned for the next episode of The Blunt and the Balderdash right here on Fandom Radio.

The knights recovered and woke Tyler up - welcome back - and then Naomi was cornered (my notes say 'again'), but she managed to flee. Like a fleeing thing, apparently. That flees. River showed her allegiance and tried to sign up with the Knights, Rosette managed to alienate the Knights as well, Stark was confused by them and the Dread Pirate Pippi made friends by offering baked goods.

Ye Olde Crazy Times

As a doctor, I'd like to warn you all against consuming food that isn't pre-packaged, staying away from the wildlife and any errant lockers. If you don't, you mind end up as a bunny or thinking you're Marcia Brady or worse.

That being said, let's look at what happened to Nadia today.

Kaoru and Hikaru opened Sparky Repairs and got a visit from, you guessed it, Nadia. She wanted a Di Regno heart to save the good kingdom of Fandom, rescue Princess Dawn and fulfil her destiny. While the boys served Rosette, Nadia the Brave moved on.

She talked to Schrodinger about yesterday's adventures, confronted Parker who she thought was an evil sorceress. With those shoes, I see why you could think that. Cally was asked about news from the 'castle', Kaylee was nearly pressganged into service, Billy was interrogated (now with 100% less electro-shock therapy), Setsuna was accused and warned by Nadia and Naomi was called 'Your Highness' and let in on Nadia's rescue plan.

But wait! There's more! Nadia fought off Conner with an 'er' the happy dragon, Door and Carmela the new unseparable duo were let in on the action, Nadia begged Lana not to hurt her...wait. Are those around the right way? Apparently. In more sordid news, Cam is sleeping with the king. If that's Bel's new nickname, there's a few people who probably didn't want to know that. Alanna was asked about any suspicious activities, but her answers weren't necessary, because Nadia found who she was looking for.

Nadia and Az faced off, but the latter denied kidnapping Dawn. Considering today is Nadia's crazy day and Aziraphale is one of the good guys, I think we can safely say that's all fiction. Nadia found solace in some good friends after the ordeal. Bel (the King?) was asked to tell Nadia a joke and Stark was asked to help save the cheerleader princess and therefore save the world kingdom.

In Ye Olde Grand Finale, Nadia headed over to 47 Minotaur Lane with a talisman. Pippi gave Nadia a bear claw and...what? Nadia's water broke? I didn't even know she was pregnant! As a doctor and a member of the male gender, I know how to look out for these things. The final note here says that Nadia apologized to Walter for the weekend.

I'm now confused. Is there a baby involved here somewhere? Is the crazy spreading? What's the number for the Butterball hotline?

If you know the answers, call in, listeners. I'll be here most of the night. In the meantime, this is Ye Olde DJ Hawk the gypsy signing off. Have a good short week, enjoy Thanksgiving and see you next Sunday. Don't forget to tip your turkey!"
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"And a very happy Tuesday to you all, Fandom. This is Hawkeye Pierce, covering for young Master Booth, on your radio again, because apparently you give a guy a microphone and he won't give it up. What can I say? I'm needy this week and have a thing for run-on sentences.

Classes: A new topic for me since I normally do Sundays

There were announcements this morning, as told by me. Balloon animals are out. Weetiny trolls are in. We're still not sure on whether the Senate is going to the balloon animals or the weetiny trolls as it's a close race.

Biology was biological in the most platonic way today. Some handed in their experiments and others were still working on them.

Humor talked about jesters and yes Virginia, I would like a jester hat for Christmas. They then discussed whether humor can be abused. It certainly can and I'm living proof. Ask me for tips.

Acting acted with style and talked about their final projects, then improvised a game of Twister without the mat or the colored circles or the spinner.

Music is Love learned about ballads, which are usually about love, and as much as I'd love to sing for you all this evening, I'd rather not scare away our resident call girl. The class sang though.

Spies and Spying, a course I'm not entirely sure how we got past the school board, learned about disguises, played with makeup and costumes, and showed off their costumes.

Then a sneaky, meddling trickster set off the sprinklers. A prank well done.

Criminal Justice were more about the justice than the criminals today and talked about partners being tools. If I'm as caught up on my modern slang as I think, then your partner being a tool really depends on who the partner is.

And Literature in Action took a trip to the Great Library and into Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. The book. As in inside. Let's hope the Gryphon didn't eat anyone.

There were plenty of office hours today. Papa Winchester had visits from Buffy and Angel, Dear ol' Daisy was all on her lonesome today, The dark lord who deserves his own theme song had Wilson, Rory and Schrodinger pay a visit. And the office was open with plenty of voting to be had.

In club news, Archaeology Club met, examined dig sites - try not to dig up any angry ghost's bones - and looked at the highlights.

The Coffee Appreciation Society met and, as highly caffeinated people do, chatted and chatted and chatted.

Fencing Club met and, well, I'm just guessing here, but I think they fenced.

In the cafeteria Chad and Pippi talked about doing jail time and about a Las Vegas trip. I'm telling you, one can lead to the other. And Billy asked Buffy if she remembered being a puppy.

Finally, in the holy city of resources, Isabel opened the library. Yomiko my lovely housemate was there, Jack brought candy to bribe Isabel into telling him what's wrong, Isabel helped River find a book about art and Isabel and Angela talked about the last few days, Angela's "ouchie" - which I'm hoping is not a euphemism - and the weetiny trolls.

I feel ridiculous saying weetiny, but that's the price you pay for living in Fandom.

Dorm Life: All in All It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

John and Aeryn woke up together and the notes say it's "sad, sad, sad." Isabel and Greg snuggled and Bel and Phoebe were emo. Also, the Pope is Catholic.

There was plenty of visiting today with Jaye getting a visit from the weetiny trolls, Matilda visiting the hungover Hitachiin twins, Cally visiting Mac-on-a-cleaning-spree and Sakurazaki visited Ranma to apologize.

Lana went straight to bed tonight and Sakura - the one without the 'Zaki' - got a letter that she tore up.

The Roof was ablaze tonight with activity and thankfully not fire. Pippi and Nadia talked about Vegas and danced in the rain, Parker now with 10% less psycho talked with Pippi about Teal Dear, the band not the endangered animal, and Nadia about the same topic. Conner and Nadia talked about Vegas and Conner's new hair. It makes you look like a new man, Conner. Pippi and Conner talked about the rain. Parker and Conner talked about his hair and Vegas.

And in the Fourth Floor Common Room, Setsuna used her powers of emo and hate to keep people out, but dear young Veruca couldn't take a hint and retaliated with a hug attack.

Fandom, Fandom, It's A Wonderful Town, the School is Up and the Parking Lot's Down

As with all of my broadcasts, Aziraphale and Wilson were up to their usual tricks and watched television together. Schmoopily, I would assume. But wait! After sunset, Angel arrived.

Back in dear ol' 18 Apocalypse Avenue, Josh Lyman watched the election results and Jarod joined him. Election results. On television. You know, there's a perfectly good bar just down the road.

Speaking of which, Caritas was lively tonight with Rosette offering to sing to get the zombies to stop playing Rawhide - keep movin', movin', movin', though they're disapprovin', keep them doggies movin' Rawhide! - and apparently I can't keep my promise of not singing. And in news that will undoubtedly gain me a visitor in my office tomorrow, or an explosion of some kind, Bel got drunk and was all over Anders. I'm sure they mean he threw up all over Anders.


Moving on to topics that won't result in a double homicide, it was a quiet day in the clinic for Doctor Troy and a quiet night for Doctor Lambert.

Teddy cleaned up Sparky Repairs but didn't do a good job of it. Don't listen to the squirrels Teddy. They're overcritical and live in trees.

There was tea in the park today with The Doctor and Aziraphale. Nadia stopped by to apologize for missing the latest lab class, River and Aziraphale caught up and Wilson and Aziraphale cuddled - there's the schmoop.

At Cafe Fina, Alfred encouraged all eligible voters to vote. If you're from another country, planet, dimension, galaxy, plane of existence or aren't alive in the year 2006, you can ignore him.

Apu of the Squishy Machine battled weetiny trolls at All and Sundries and Joxer the Mighty agreed to protect Jane from the trolls.

Our Lady of Fandom was paid a visit by the old old boss' son.

The Sin was busy this evening. Becky had a visitor and watched Vanessa Saturn and
Jarod advertised the Sin, while Miho the Monochrome decided to show off her taunting side. Not dirty.

Is that it? That's it! Have a good week, be sure to watch out for weetiny trolls (I'm getting the hang of it now) and don't forget that Jeff, God of Biscuits November pie sale starts tomorrow! Goodnight Fandom!"
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Ladies, gentlemen, survivors of Halloween 2006 of all ages, welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. This is DJ Hawk bringing you the latest news from Fandom.

Dorm Life: All in All It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

Blonde Sam worked out with the weight machines in the School Gym this morning. Cally joined her and they talked about post-graduation plans or lack thereof. Conner was there and he and Sam are going to save the world with exercise. But apparently Bridge and Sam have been lazy. Cally worried about the glider Bridge gave Anders and Conner remembered to call Bridge Bridge. Bridge Bridge was delighted.

Nadia made sandwiches in the Fifth Floor Common Room around lunch time and watched Legendbreakers. I like the one where they get drunk on camera.

Nadia and Mac talked urban myths - this place is one giant urban myth - blowing things up and veganism. Nadia found out that Mac doesn't eat bread and her world is turned upside down.

Cally shows up for sandwiches and schmoop time with Mac, then they talk about blackout emergency plans.

Walter is back on his feet and out of the clinic. Glad to have you back, Walter. Pippi was glad too, but scolded Walter anyway for not taking the elevator and Nadia told him all about a barfight. Then Pippi and Nadia made physics-defying sandwiches that would make Grungy and Dooby Doo jealous.

Ray and Molly visit the Garage and then head down to the beach on a date. Psycho Parker visits Isabel and so do New York Peter, Alanna and Faithful where Faithful plays with Annie. I'd insert an obligatory 'aww' here, but I think I might end up with a severed fish head in my bed if I try.

Jim got a phone call and it doesn't sound like good news.

Bridge Bridge had a full house today, with Door picking up a pigeon, Rory trying to alleviate boredom and Anders talking about getting arrested.

Fandom, Fandom, It's A Wonderful Town, the School is Up and the Parking Lot's Down

Doctor Wilson cooked quiche for Aziraphale and hopefully made enough to bring to the staff room tomorrow to share.

Speaking of doctors, it was all quiet in the clinic for Doctor Goodchild and Stark.

And more talk of doctors, because today is a very doctory day, Daisy and The Doctor chatted about a Lego Barry White outside the big blue booth, Wilson stopped by to admire the Lego. And Jane talked to the Doctor about adventures, kissing and priests.

Brunch at Cafe Fina was quiet, but Miss Poppins stopped by. I'm assuming there was tea involved.

In other non-doctory news, Kaoru and Hikaru opened Sparky Repairs today and Ranma came to talk for a while. After the shift was over, they went to Pizza Planet to continue the conversation.

Down at Ye Olde Caritas Tavern, Willow engaged in some devious subterfuge and drove GOB to drink. Like that's hard around here. Down the road, Weiss and Parker were at Fast Eddie's to play some pool.

And finally in town, Guy Fawkes Day or Bonfire Night or whatever they decide to call it today was celebrated in style by V, The Tick, Dean Winchester, English Peter and Schrodinger. Tick and V talked about churches and robots and robot churches, Dean explained ghost hunting, Tick confused Dean and English and V recited a rhyme starting with "Remember, remember the fifth of November." That's catchy.

That's all from me here at Fandom Radio. Enjoy your evening, back to classes tomorrow and try not to blow anything up. Don't forget to tip your teachers. Goodnight!
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Good evening ladies, gentlemen and ghouls of all ages to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. This is your mostly mortal host, DJ "Headstone" Hawk, bringing you the latest and greatest hits of the Sunday before Halloween, which is apparently now a holiday in Fandom.

DOWNTOWN: Where the zombies roam...just not tonight

Luke "El Monstro" Danes offered brunch today, but it was deader than a dance at the morgue. "Boo" Baldrick left All and Sundries for greener pastures and "Karniverous" Kaoru and Hikaru "Hell Spawn" Hitachiin were into the pre-Halloween spirit at Sparky Repairs.

"Bloodcurdling" GOB Bluth and Becky "Vampira" Vartan were in everyone's favorite doorway to hell, Caritas, this evening talking about Halloween pranks.

"Ah vant to suck your blood" Aziraphale and James "Gives you the Willies" Wilson got ready for the party of the season and so did Natalie "Lurker" Lambert.

In the clinic, Doctor "Ghastly" Goodchild had the morning shift, where Pippi "Dread Pirate" Longstocking and Nadia "Sort of Frightening" Santos stopped by to see Walter "the Weird" Dornez. The girls stopped by again when "Spooky" Stark had the night shift.

Zero "Zombie Slayer" Hopeless-Savage and Peter "Poltergeist" Parker talked in the parking lot with the brand new Teal Dear van.

And finally in town news, Setsuna "Severed Hand" Sakurazaki was in the Park with Ranma "Redrum" Saotome.

Stay tuned at the end of the broadcast for the latest gossip about the pre-Halloween party at Mauvaise Chance.

DORMS: Where Everyone's Turning Into Werewolves. No, not really.

Marty "the Mad Master" Blank was feeling weird today. Let's hope he's not turning into a werewolf. Although, considering this place, it's entirely possible.

Eric "Wretched" Weiss was feeling icky, also hopefully not werewolf-related, and was visited by Miss "Psycho" Parker. Miss "Psycho" then got ready for the party. Teddy "Arrrgh" Altman was annoyed at a very my notes say 'goth-looking' John "Chopper" Connor and "The Abominable" Jamie Madrox is dressed as a Xerox and rolled in to see Dawn "Dry Bones" Summers.

Luke "the Lackey" Skywalker and Rory "Grim Reaper" Gilmore were in the pool with one teaching the other to swim.

Samuel "Anarchy in Fandom" Anders was on the roof with "Psycho" Parker.

In couples news, Jack "Heart Fright" Harkness and Cedric "Decapitated" Diggory had Hawaiian and Mexican pizza. I hope not together or it's indigestion central for you. John "Count Chocula" Crichton was comforted by Aeryn "Skullcrusher" Sun. Willow "Exit Wound" Rosenberg showed off her knight costume to Peter "Pumpkin Eater" Pevensie, Lana "Lycanthrope" Lang and "Eerie" Jim Ellison kicked off their bid for next year's Homecoming court and Bridge "Creepy" Carson picked up Rory "Grim Reaper" Gilmore to go to the party.

And now for a little interlude from Bobby "Boris" Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers.

Monster Mash


"Ah vant to suck your blood" Aziraphale and James "Gives you the Willies" Wilson led the party gang at Mauvaise Chance tonight. Everyone was there, and if you weren't, then you're not everyone.

There were beverages for all occasions. "Razor" Rosette and the Wilson indulged, so did "Kooky" Jane Canary, "Ah vant to suck your blood" Aziraphale, Josh "Lurching" Lyman, the Madrox machine, Isabel "Eeek!" Evans, Natalie "Lurker" Lambert, Spy-Girl Summers, Bridge, "Jeepers Creepers" Jarod, Marie "Don't Look Behind You" D'Ancanto, Goth-Connor, Boy Wonder Altman, Lady Lana, Angela "Crypt-Kicker" Chase and her boy genius, Summer "Resurrected" Roberts, Rory, Seely "Oogedy Boogedy" Booth, "Fearful" Faitful, Alanna "Terror on the Third Floor" Trebond and "Aieee" Aly.

In addition, there were plenty of spooky foods that weren't nearly as popular as the alcohol.

"Psycho" Parker stopped in for some gambling, along with "Jeepers Creepers" Jarod, Jane in the Membrane, the Nun, "Brain-Munching" Belthazor, Seely, Alanna and Goth-Connor.

In the study there was a fire a-blazing and out on the balcony, Parker, Wilson and Aziraphale enjoyed some fresh non-spooky air.

Abby "Needs No Spooky Name" Sciuto held a haunted house that everyone enjoyed. People said hi to the skeleton, probably part of the office skeleton staff, admired the art on Abby's walls, learned more about Abby's bedroom than they ever wanted to know, got up close and personal with Abby's internal organ collection, ran into some bugs and enjoyed a nice brew from the witches' cauldron. At the end of it all, Abby gave out candy.

And there was dancing on the roof River "Ten Times the Terror You Are" Tam, Phale, Goth-Connor, Blair "Bones" Sandburg, Aly, "Psycho" Parker, Jarod, Wilson, Marie, Bel, Jim, Lana, Willow, English, Jude "Lord of the Undead" Lizowski, Setsuna, Teddy, Summer, Natalie and Seely. A grand ol' scary time was had and I'd mention all of your spooky names, but I'd run out of breath.

Aly readied her place for the party, then offered pumpkin carving and talking galore.

This is DJ "Headstone" Hawk, signing off on a Very Special Pre-Halloween Fandom Radio. Keep indoors, try the apple cider and try not to provoke the undead. Goodnight!
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Ladies, gentlemen, survivors of Parents Weekend, welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. This is DJ Hawk bringing you the latest news, gossip and things I completely made up for this fine Parents Weekend Sunday.

School: The Official Reason We're All Here

It's Sunday, yet there's class news. Thursday Next sent out a notice postponing the Literature in Action field trip.

Mary Poppins had office hours with tea. V also had office hours and tea...and coffee and pastries. If this is a regular thing, I'm stopping by next week.

Dorm Life: The Real Reason We're All Here

In the fourth floor common room, Dean cooked breakfast, talked with Seely about knives and fathers, Kira stopped by looking for Conner, who she found. Z my notes say 'fangirled' at Kira, Beaten-Up Bel talked to Dean about beating up someone's sister, his foster father knowing he's alive - he wasn't meant to? Our bad. Seely talked to Bel about family and corrupting English's little brother, then Buffy showed up to brighten the room with her personality.

In the basement, Jaye and Alec cheered for a successful, sugar-filled weekend and Dean brought them real food. I wish I had a doppleganger who would bring me food.

In the fifth floor common room, Nadia and Pippi talk about the weekend.

And finally in the dorms this evening, there's a party in the second floor common room. There's plenty of food, drink and gremlin cake, Lavender and English catch up and discuss weirdness, Parker's jealous about English being a King, Isabel tells Lavender about being an alien and Lavender's sad her family didn't come. English and Isabel plot to prevent Parents Weekend next year - ha, good luck, I haven't had entertainment like this in months - Isabel and Mac wax lyrical about Fandom, English and Mac find that they have annoying younger brothers in common, Isabel recites poetry to Kaoru and Hikaru, Willow and Isabel do each others' hair and nails and talk about boyfriends, Willow's wrath reaches English when she finds out he made her miss his birthday, Lavender loves Willow...'s broadcast, Parker asks Willow about Marie, Isabel and Parker wear grass skirts and do the hula, Parker practices at Zero for Harvard applications and English and Blair talk about English's little brother.

Bridge and English talk about Bridge's talking dog boss finding out he doesn't have his badge anymore, Bridge and Parker act out a scene from Romeo and Juliet, Bridge and Z build a trench and wait out the rest of the weekend, Rory, Kaoru and Hikaru play Twister, Rory and Bridge are 'ADORABLE LIKE PUPPIES' my notes say, but not actual puppies. Rory helps Luke with his loneliness not dirty, Teddy and Luke wonder if the punch is spiked and I'm pretending I didn't read that, but I'm sure you all deserve it, Sakura and Luke swordfight, so do Sakura and the twins. Teddy and English discuss just how much trouble they'd be in if they destroyed school property, Bridge and Teddy swap stories about their COs and let me tell you, I have a few stories of my own to throw in there. Zero and Teddy talk about New York Peter's McCreepy visitor and then Zero and New York Peter do the cha cha.

I need a drink. I also may have made some of that up.

Behind Closed Doors: Proof That There Are Squirrels Under Your Bed

Parker stared at her phone, Sam came back to a worried Jack after a weekend away, and Missouri came to visit Sam and meet Dawn. I hope that's not the state of Missouri otherwise it's bound to be a little crowded in there.

English went to find his brother only to discover he was in Seely's bed with Door. I can't make this stuff up, kids.

Setsuna and Konoka talked, but it was in Japanese and the Japanese-to-Squirrel-to-English translator is on vacation this weekend, so we don't know what they were talking about. The squirrels guess 'nuts'.

Bel was brooding this morning, and so was Blair since his mom wants take him away from all of us, but through the mighty powers of Blair-Speak, we're hoping he can talk her down and stick around.

A-ha. Phoebe's sister met Phoebe's boyfriend, which I'm sure was an occasion that was joyous and prosperous. If you need a drink, you know where to find me.

John and Aeryn had a quiet night in and John Connor went to see Maia to talk about their Ethics project. Ed went to find food but ended up with a wrench between the eyes thanks to Al's visitor, and Al faced the music when Walter returned to their room tonight.

Downtown: Because Every Transdimensional Island Needs a Social Scene

The Clinic was bustling this morning for Doctor Goodchild. Bel, Willow and Jamie visited Marie. Gwynn, English and Bel visited Zuko. Marie and Zuko were still in the clinic for Stark this evening. Conner visited Marie and Marie visited Zuko.

Aziraphale and Doctor Wilson were gooey at each other, and Nadia and Walter were at Serenity Cove having a delightful picnic lunch.

Isabel had a heart-to-heart with her brother Max down at the beach, and Less Perky Buffy and Dawn were at the Perk and talked about boys and Thanksgiving. Alanna and Gary were there too, although Gary's under the impression that muffins aren't food. English stopped by and let Less Perky Buffy meet him and his accent.

Hermione and Mrs Weasley had ice cream at Chilly Boulder and Wilson, Aziraphale and Abby did their laundry at Mauvaise Chance.

Sunday Brunch was a big hit this week at Wonka's. River ignored Billy and ate with Mal and Kaylee, Billy told Duke about Fandom, Winry went all my notes say 'Double-U-Tee-Eff' at Doggie, Naomi and Billy talked about the weekend and then Naomi had brunch with her mom.

The Pevensies got together, John Connor introduced Billy to his Uncle then talked to Teddy about the weekend. Molly introduced Chase and Old Lace to River, Teddy, Jake, Luke, Cam, Zero, Ray and Charlie. Apparently Old Lace is a dinosaur, like this place wasn't weird enough already. Molly and Chase were less than pleased to see Steve at first, but got along in the end. That is, as our Dean of Students would say, keen.

Prue and Grams Halliwell joined Phoebe for brunch, Steve wanted to meet Teddy's friends and did so, Briar talked to Lark and Sandry about everyone's favorite topic - the weekend.

Aaaaand Zero 'laid the smackdown' on Norman Obsorn, whatever that means. There are smiley faces and exclamation marks on my notes, so I'm assuming that's a good thing. Kids, buy Zero a drink next time you see her.

Caritas was open and Prue Halliwell met Cally, Sparky Repairs was open and Teddy showed Steve where he works, Pip took Pippi and his grandfather to Ching Tai and at the Arms, Clark lounged and Papa Halliwell met Phoebe's boyfriend. Kid, really, if you need a drink...

Out and about tonight, Alec ran into Missouri - again, I hope not the state, Parker said goodby e to Sydney, Angela said goodbye to dear old Dad, Pippi said goodbye to her grandfather and Less Perky Buffy met Perky Buffy's mom.

That brings us to the end of Parents Weekend 2006. To those of you catching this broadcast on your way out of town or on a podcast, travel safely and, in the immortal words of a television show I've come to know and love, y'all come back now, y'here?
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Ladies, gentlemen, aliens, superheroes, villains, mutants, witches, wizards, knights, hunters, scientists, doctors, supergeeks who aren't scientists, members of the clergy and everyone else who deserves their own action figure, welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. This is DJ Hawk bringing you the latest news, gossip and nonsensical mishaps around Fandom today.

Downtown Fandom: Where the Towels Are Oh-So Fluffy

It's Sunday, and that means Sunday Brunch, this time held by the god of biscuits himself.

Kaoru opened Sparky Repairs for some Sunday trading and Matilda stopped by to chat, possibly about lemurs.

Stark was in the clinic this evening, ready to deal with all of your medical woes.

Greg of the Magnificent Hair opened Caritas with a whimsical bounce in his step. New York Peter stopped by and told Greg about animals, which he now wants to hunt. Blair! I think you have someone to protest over here! Clark also stopped by, but didn't do anything worth protesting.

And down at Ye Olde Imperial Junk Yard, a group of intrepid adventurers returned from what I'm sure was a very long midnight snack run. Kids, next time avoid 'borrowing' Vader's ship. Sam and Aeryn talked about the ship, John took Aeryn home, Isabel is glad Aeryn's okay, New York Peter is pleased he got to hit someone this time he went for a midnight snack run and - newsflash! - Luke made Aeryn smile.

Dorm Life: Where the Air Smells Like Warm Root Beer

In the third floor common room, Chad made himself breakfast, then showed off his Egg Ninja skills to Hikaru.

In the fourth floor common room this morning, Joxer was asleep and verging on public indecency. I must protest. If Joxer can get away with public indecency, even if Mac convinced him to get dressed by telling him drool is a medical condition, then so should everyone else. I hereby advocate another shirtless day, but not next weekend unless you want to be shipped off to a convent by your visiting guardians.

Thankfully, by nightfall, the fourth floor common room was Joxerless, but Bel and Blair, everyone's favorite happy wacky fun time sitcom duo, were watching Spooky Things. A very original name for a television series. They were joined by Jim, Lana, Broots and a demon lizard that Blair tried to attack. Blair, I'm disappointed.

On the Roof, Nadia listened to loud music and looked to the sky and probably wonder why it's blue and not green.

But later this evening, Nadia set up camp in the fifth floor common room to stare at the television. Pippi and her geocache containing a lucky necklace joined her, followed by Pip who wanted to talk about Texas and Joxer who wasn't naked that time.

Moving on, Cheerleader Tryouts were held today in the gym. I'm told there were nuts, coffee and coffee nuts involved.

In the more private areas of the dorms, but not private enough to escape the squirrels, River drew some pictures and Buffy tried to recruit her for cheerleading. Cally has decided to go 'emo goth' or 'emu golf' according to my notes, but Mac valiantly attempted to stop her.

It's reading and study time all around, with Molly and Cameron talking about Literature class, Dawn being restless but getting her work done anyway and English reading King of the Bracelets before Willow interrupted him.

Parker sent an email, Aeryn sent one about Flight Club, Alec and Dean had a fun doppleganger night in and Jamie had a few moments to himself to brood before Marie came to visit.

As for the intrepid midnight snack adventurers who have decided to grace us with their presence again, Sam returned to Jack all dirty, only not dirty in that sense but in the real dirt sense, New York Peter decided to enjoy his last moments on Earth by relaxing before finding out if his girlfriend is going to pulverize him, Isabel dozed off with a good book but was interrupted by Greg and Parker-who-be-sulkin'-because-she-be-left-out, and John and Aeryn were holding to each other like a someone broken...ated. Brokenated? Is that even a real word?

And finally, in the latest in a long string of animal transformations, Billy was trying to pack to leave Fandom, but has turned into a lizard. *squirrel chittering* Bearded dragon lizard. *more squirrel chittering* It's a reptile. Who cares? Anyway kids, I think we can safely say that when it comes to Fandom, you can check out any time you like, but you can never really leave.

That's all from me here at Fandom Radio. Have a good week, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, do not use if seal on cap is broken, but make sure you rest up and are ready for Parents Weekend next weekend. And if we're very lucky, we'll still have a school by the end of it, and I'll still have a job.
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Ladies, gentlemen, retreating alumni! This is DJ Hawk on your regular Sunday evening show. Welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio on the tail end of Homecoming Weekend. I hope all of you are resting comfortably after a rambunctuous weekend of carnivals, dances and all things monochrome.

Brunch: It's Not Quite Breakfast, It's Not Quite Lunch

There was much brunching to be had at Luke's today, and some punching according to today's top story. Belthazor punched Cally. Accidentally. If it was intentionally, I have a feeling today's top story would be about finding bits of demon scattered across the island.

In other news, Cally had a one-sided conversation with Billy. Your names are similar. You two kids should get together. It's as good a reason as any around here.

Naomi told Billy about her drinking game experience, which will no doubt expand being in Fandom. I don't condone underage drinking, kids, but there's a time and a place for drinking. The time is 'whenever you can get your hands on alcohol' and the place is 'Fandom'.

Shawn and Summer were, I'm told, cute. May your children be cute and their children be cute and all of their names start with the letter 'S'.

Over at The Arms Hotel, a brunch was held for the alumni, now with 100% more color. Piper and Veronica talked as womenfolk do, namely all about the menfolk. Chloe, Piper and Veronica caught up on what I'm assuming is either gossip or baking recipes, and then Veronica talked to Lindsey who may have a girl's name but isn't a girl. Sources say he does have baking recipes to share, though.

The Park: Where the Trees are Green and the Ducks are Mean

Lana and Jim who is either a hockey player from Florida or really a panther 'hung out'. So many euphemisms, yet I'm the only one that finds that one amusing.

Veronica dropped in to say hello and possibly to bring kibble. A duck was chased. This is news. And people thought Crabapple Cove had slow news days.

Darth Vader, everyone's favorite huggable 7-foot-tall action figure met Angel this evening. The squirrels say there was posturing involved. Somehow, I think Vader would have won.

Bel and Piper met up and talked about Phoebe, who is no doubt now paranoid that her boyfriend and her sister are meeting in a dark park to talk about her. I know I would be.

The Perk: Like the Park, With Less Trees and More Caffeine

Willow and English went to the Perk for tea, and not coffee like normal people, and they ran into Angel who's just about everywhere today.

Then Veronica told Angel about Bel hitting Cally.

Everywhere Else: Because Town is a Busy Place Even on Sundays

Kaoru opened Sparky Repairs, Jane opened All and Sundries and Billy went to Caritas. The clinic was all quiet for Trevor and Stark, Pippi was last spotted near a cave and last but not least, John Winchester and the lovely Principal Washburn had a date.

Be sure to ask them all about it, kids. I'm sure they'd love to share the details.

Dorms Rooms: Guys, Girls and Glitter

This morning was all about waking up to the wonderful world of technicolor. Jack and Sam did it, I'll leave the interpretation up to you, and Jack is pink. Fluro, I hope. Dean and Alec woke up in color as well. Probably peach or aquamarine.

Jack was still pink when he went to see Izzy, and Izzy's man of the moment Greg was excited that his hair was back to normal. His own hair, not Jack's. Jack's hair is normal. Greg's is not.

Cally reminisced about that time not so long ago when Bel hit her in the face, Nadia was was so shocked to see Cally the way she was that I'm sure there would be exclamation marks involved if there was a novelization of the event. Nadia tells Veronica about Cally, because news travels fast in Fandom.

In other news, Weiss defied Fandom trends and put some clothes ON, Jaye got a call from her mother (completely unrelated to Weiss' clothing habits), Teddy and New York Peter talked about superheroes, then John Connor stopped by. JD lounged around, Broots shared one of Jarod's home movies with Parker and Aeryn startled John in the shower. My notes say 'dirty and not dirty' and I don't want to know what the squirrels are doing in the shower.

Common Areas: Because Emo and Ice Cream Deserve to be Shared

In the second floor common room, Shawn watched TV and played with a koosh ball - try playing golf with it - and then Summer stopped by to talk technicolor, black and white demons, Shawn's guitar and taking over the world. I, for one, welcome our new white picket fence overlords.

In the gym, Aeryn stretched and then taught New York Peter how to kick people. Violence is bad. Et cetera. None of you are listening, so this is me not wasting my breath for once.

Moving on! Walter was in the Third Floor Common Room this evening playing computer games. Nadia's shock from earlier in the day continues in what's becoming a shocking trend. Schrodinger joins the party and tells Walter his future, Nadia and Schrodinger have a posing contest and talk shop, then Cally joins them and makes Walter promise not to hurt Bel. It must have worked because we're not hearing of bits of Walter being recovered from all over the island.

Nadia warned Cally about freezing her eye, which brings to mind some disturbing images. Walter isn't happy with Blair because Blair called Nadia a woman of loose morals. There seems to be a truce between Blair and Nadia after a game of charades, because there's ice cream shared. Cally joined in after assuring Blair that River wasn't involved in the maiming of the day.

On the roof, Dawn was dancing and taught Evie how to dance. If you'd like a copy of Dawn and Evie's Dance Aerobics, be sure to ask the Pirate.

Bridge and Dawn caught up, and have me wondering what kind of naming trends they have in the future. Bridge called Dawn old, then talked with Evie about being out of the musical trend loop.

And that's all for another thrilling Sunday in Fandom. To the alumni leaving our fair shores, have a safe trip home and don't forget to write. To everyone, take care of yourselves, each other, school property and the glitter stash, and don't forget to try the veal. See you all next week at the tail end of a hopefully uneventful week. Goodnight Fandom!
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Fandom Radio, Sunday, October 1

"Ladies, gentlemen, squeaky toys, squirrels and gremlins of all ages, welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. My Dad's been bothering me for an update on this little bundle of insanity we call Fandom, so I'm going to kill two birds with one stone and do radio in the form of a letter to my Dad, then send it to him.

Dear Dad,

I thought I'd write you a letter to show you what a typical day in Fandom is like. I hope this doesn't make you think that I've gone insane, because we both know it's too late for that. Here goes.

Dorm Life: An Experience You'll Never Forget, No Matter How Hard You Try

Peter Parker and Aeryn are in the gym today. Billy is in a tree, as that's the kind of thing kids around here do when they're not fighting the forces of evil.

In the fifth floor common room, Belthazor watches TV and makes Lavender emo enough to make her do some charming magic on herself. Cally is emo about emo, so Blair gave her a hug, then she talks about Homecoming. Bel yells at Blair to being mean to Lana and also talks about Homecoming. Blair admits he was a jerk.

Blair and River share breakfast and are apparently going to Homecoming together. Shawn learns not to emo near the plants or smoke near the telescope, which are both important lessons to learn here, Dad. Shawn then heals Blair's cuts - who knew he had that in him? - and is apparently going to Homecoming with Summer, as opposed to Winter or Fall.

Bel and River talk television, emo-less Chad meets Bel and there's much testosterone to be had and then Blair tries to convince Chad to take up yoga or ballet. Lyra worries about Tall Dean and then introduces herself to Chad.

Night time is a busy place around here, Dad. The kids are settling in for the night, and that usually means wild antics that I try not to notice.

In the fifth floor common room, the new bastion of activity, Marie sings, dances and makes cookies, then talks to Summer about hometowns, Homecoming and mutants. The same discussion is done over again with Bel and then Summer and Bel meet for the first time after Summer confuses Bel for his doppleganger.

English and Summer talk about dates and threats to said dates, English and Marie talk about wholesome things like the good kids they are and English and Cally talk Homecoming Queens. Don't worry English, I'm sure you're a shoe-in for Homecoming Queen.

Cally and Summer talk about emo, Marie offers Cally cookies and learns about Cally's...I'm not reading that aloud. There are some things that should remain private. Nadia tells Marie about her weird weekend and the ever-articulate Conner McKnight says "hi".

In the fourth floor common room, because I like counting backwards, Isabel watches television. You'd like her, Dad. She's a nice girl. She talks to Peter Parker about reality television, which I'm not even going to try to explain. Teddy reveals himself to Isabel as the king of Dork Land, then Peter and Teddy meet.

Isabel and Anders worry about the teachers catching emo, then Anders and Peter talk baseball. Good old American baseball. Teddy and Anders talk about the emo epidemic, as do Bridge and Anders.

Bridge and Peter discuss taking over Russia, but decide to wait until summer to give it a try. Isabel says she'll save Bridge a dance at Homecoming and Bridge and Teddy meet.

They're a sociable bunch here, Dad.

Jack tells Sam about his fight with Jarod and brought her breakfast. Now that's a guy who knows what he's doing.

Sakurazaki is emo. I think the doctors in the clinic are working on a cure for that.

Blair apologizes to Lana like the good kid he is, and then Lana tells Lavender what's wrong. Nadia and Pete are emo too. It's an epidemic!

Meanwhile, John Connor has a hangover, Jim hides out in the preserve, leaves a note for Blair, and then goes back to Lana and makes everything peachy keen again. Rory and Luke discuss dancing and being bored, Aeryn tries to feed Bruno the shark some goldfish crackers but later denies it, Dawn cheers up Bridge and...newsflash boys and girls, Parker is cranky.

Downtown: Same Insanity, Different Scenery

A duck is feeling cranky today. Are we sure Parker didn't turn into a duck? If not, Parker, the duck is your new best friend. Go be cranky together.

Alfred displays his apparent 'mad skillz' my squirrel notes say and defeats his staff's emo. Good for you, Alfred. Be sure to pass this treatment plan on to the clinic. Alfred then tells Clark about his staff. I don't know if it's just me spending too much time here, Dad, but that sounds like innuendo.

On to brighter topics, Carmela, Door and Evie go shopping for homecoming dresses, Giles and John Winchester meet and talk shop and...well. Jarod leaves town. I hope he paid his rent.

Down at Caritas, Cranky Parker talks business with GOB and the clinic is generally quiet.

The Emoo: Because This Place Apparently Isn't Weird Enough

So Dad, it seems that the cause of this Emo epidemic has been found. An Emoo. I've never seen one, but I assume it's like a puma.

A bunch of people are recruited to fight the Emoo: Alfred, The Doctor, Aziraphale, Pippi, Kaylee, Walter, Pip, John Connor, Kaoru and Hikaru, Artie and...I'm sure there are more, but I'm running out of breath here.

They fight. The Emoo multiplies! and then - victory! - the Emoo is banished by the might Army of Silliness. Now that's an army I wouldn't have to be drafted for.

And last but not least, Artie is leaving us for greener pastures. I salute you, strange man in red, blue and white.

That's about all for now, Dad. If it makes you feel better, just pretend this letter was a pitch for a new fiction novel.

Say hi to everyone for me. Everyone here in Fandom says hi back.

Your son,

[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
"Ladies, gentlemen, three-eyed tentacle monsters and robots of all ages. Welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. I'm your host, DJ Hawk, bringing you the day's trials, tribulations and torturous attempts to seek attention in Fandom...

...in song."

The music to 'I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General' starts to play while Hawkeye's gargling, then throat-clearing can be heard.

I Am the Very Model of a Modern School Vice Principal )

Goodnight, Fandom! Don't forget to tip your waitress."
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Ladies, gentlemen, one-eyed tentacle monsters, Fandomoniums of all ages! Welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. This is your announcer, DJ Hawk, taking the airwaves, enjoying a fine bottle of vodka and still wondering if this place is all part of a head trauma-induced hallucination.

School Room Blues

It's Sunday. I don't even know why this is on my list. Go! Begone! Be free, my pretties!

Co-Ed Dorms, Because We Trust You. Really.

This Sunday is full of revelry, rumination and running for election. Here are the highlights.

Sakurazaki has an admirer. I believe he's a fine gentleman from the far north, and no I'm not talking about the Mountie. Billy went swimming but no one else showed up. Billy, save the Speedos until after puberty.

On the front steps of the dorms, Ed was being studious and not getting any girls, Cally stopped by and she's not getting any girls either, then John Connor tripped over Ed and he's definitely not getting any girls and Shawn was there too and - sigh - he's still not getting any girls. Shawn, I thought we talked about this the last time they let me near a microphone.

In the common rooms, those places where love is in the air and possibly the stench of scorched popcorn and bad air freshener, the second and third floor common rooms are empty. I am shocked, shocked I say! All of the action happened on the fourth and fifth floors.

In the fourth floor common room, John Connor was non-emo - that's the spirit! - and watched television. Then John and Billy discussed which was better - chicks with swords or chicks with guns. Don't worry boys, you're not getting either, so the point is moot. Teddy stopped by and he and John talked about movies on cable and how the digestive tract deals with too much popcorn. Well, maybe not that last one, but I can assure you the answer is 'not well'. Then Billy and Teddy talked about movies. Please note that there were no girls in the room. Co-ed dorms and you still end up segregated. But wait, here's a tidbit that I may need to check out myself. There's graffiti in the fourth floor boys' bathroom. For a good time, call...well, me if you're legal.

On to the fifth floor, where the girls are pretty and the boys don't know what luck they have. JD slept, then was woken by Pip, who was then disturbed by Peter the Portly Pony who is neither portly nor a pony anymore, but I do love alliteration. I would just like to make it clear that again there is a lack of the XX chromosome pair in this room. What is WRONG with you people?

Not that I condone anyone doing anything if there are any parents or guardians listening to this.

In the afternoon, Bel watched football, then talked rule changes with Schrodinger. Cally harassed Bel about his sexuality. Pot, kettle, black. Bel then explained football to the farmboy, Cally told the farmboy about her lemming. Lemming. Please don't let that be a euphemism. Farmboy and Schrodinger talked about everyone's favorite native non-teal animal, then met Marie.

I'm taking a moment to have a drink.

Better. Moving on!

Marie became a Patriots' fan and is now running for Student Council, Marie and Cally talk classes, you studious little students you, and Marie talked gloves. Jamie and Marie are cute together - see? This guy knows what he's doing. Learn from Madrox. And Bel and Jamie...no, I'm not reading that. If only because I don't want to deal with the homicide report. Let's just say they talked about cheering up Professor Vader by using what they know.

And finally in the common areas, Bel and Billy were on the roof this morning. Bel protected his plants. Billy did not protect plants. Does Billy have something against plants?

Now let's delve into your private lives, because the pirate is a dastardly snoop and knows all.

Lavender and Mac talked about magic, while Sakurazaki and Jude were romantic and adorable. See? Learn from Madrox and Lizowski. Madrox and Lizowski for student council! They will lead the way!

Weiss and Jaye are, in separate rooms, "hungover oh-em-gee". Because simply being hungover isn't enough.

Ahaaa, and it seems the pirate loves to embarass each and every one of you. In gossip news, Angela and Marty were sneaky and went backc to her room very tipsy and early and sneaky and why are these notes in capital letters? I think someone is a little overexcited at this news. Mr Blank, you are a gentleman and a scholar and a dirty scoundrel. Good work.

Jamie decided that Marie should run for Student Council, which would explain her uncertainty later on since she didn't decide this for herself. But they are cute. That's apparently what counts. In the meantime, Pippi snuggled her art supplies, because Pippi and her art supplies are apparently an "oh-tee-pee". I didn't know Pippi had a teepee, but you learn something new every day. Sometimes that one thing just happens to be a waste of brain cells.

Ray and his microwave had a showdown. Who won? Call in and tell me. Shawn and...wait. WAIT. Hallelujah! Shawn picked Summer up for their lunch date. Shawn, my boy, you were listening last time. I take back all of the heckling I may have done once the microphone was off.

Moving right along, Miss Parker was her usual charming self on the phone to Jarod, Anders must have been lonely and lost because he was talking to his fish, John Crichton tried to...ha. Haha. He tried to cook for Aeryn. Somehow, I doubt it went all that well. Luke and Rory ate waffles and chatted, Alphonse and Lavender talked... You know, I've heard things about smushed names for couples being cute. What would these two be? Laveonse? Alphender? One sounds like a French General, the other sounds like a medication used to fight constipation. Just say no to name smushing. Ed was booooooo...oooo...oooooo...oored. I think I got all of the 'o's right. Walter is also bored, but with just one 'O'. Carmela stopped by to say hello and Evie wrote a letter home. Finally, some good news. Agnes is not dead.

Student Council

For those of you who have been living under a rock or sucked into Locker 327 for the past few weeks, you would have missed the news that the Student Council elections are coming up. You'll get to vote for 3 representatives from each grade and these guys are the ones who will be getting all of the stuff for you organized for this year. Vote wisely!

Here are the posters that went up today:

Setsuna Sakurazaki, Alanna Trebond, Seely Booth, Joxer, Jamie Madrox and Marie D'Ancanto, Peter Pevensie, Isabel Evans, Peter Parker and a new poster for Charlie Kawalsky. I like the new one better than the old one. If you do too, be sure to show your appreciation.

You can always go - Downtown!

We're on the home stretch now. The Clinic was quiet, but maybe the doctors should go to Caritas, because the place was dead. That's what you get when you mix zombies with Shakira and I have no idea what that means, but I'll take it under advisement for when I get a clue.

This morning was Sunday brunch at Wonka's. Lavender found out there's a Luna and I'm not sure if that's a person or a candy bar, our resident nun is there and so is Clark Kent. Hermione met up with Luna and Lavender and Shawn and Summer got to know each other. I'd say "that's my boy", but he's not and I'd risk sounding like my father. I'm not that old.

River and her brother Simon had a picnic in the park, then they were joined by a duck and Kaylee and my notes, translated from squirrel apparently, tell me that they were cute and awkward. Later on, Simon and River had a visit from housekeeping at the hotel and Jane was pained by Patsy Cline.

I'm disappointed that we have to end on Patsy Cline.

This, my fellow Fandomoniums, is DJ Hawk signing off. I'll leave you now with a four hour recording of the Virginia Highland Bagpipe Society playing the collected works of Barbara Streisand. Don't forget to try the veal. Goodnight!
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Ladies, gentlemen, Fandomoniums of all ages! Welcome to the pirate's own Fandom Radio. This is your announcer, DJ Hawk, bringing you all of the trials, tribulations and other stuff starting with 'T' in Fandom today.

My notes here say that you're all 'talky meat' but kids, if your lunch meat starts talking to you, see a doctor.

Class: That Which the School and I Have in Common

It's Saturday. What more can you ask for? In fact, I propose we make every day a Saturday. Write to your local Principal and/or Mayor. Fight for week-long Saturdays! And little umbrellas in all drinks.

You could have even gone to see Principal Washburn today in her office. Invite her out. Even the Principal needs to be appreciated. So do the office staff, who posted detention sign-ups for teachers. New staff, get in fast! You too can torment misbehaving students.

Campus Life: Your Psyche Will Never Be the Same Again

As usual, the Second Floor Spartans were booming with business today. The musically talented and back-from-summer vacation Shawn serenaded the ladies with his guitar. It seems to have worked since Marie stopped by. But it seems all they talked about was class, class and more class. Then Sam Carter talked to Shawn about more class and they agreed to tutor each other. I don't know if that's a euphemism, but my notes say it's not. Kid, if there's a pretty girl and all you can think of talking about is class? You need some lessons. Feel free to stop by my office.

In other second floor news, Marie and Sam C got to know each other, Anders offered Sam coffee - now that's more like it - and talked about classes. What is it with you people? Anders and Shawn swapped sibling stories, Anders and Marie were worried about Bridge, but don't worry, it's a very easy game to pick up. Then he told Parker about the bleeding and unconscious girl on the sixth floor who, I'm told, is doing just fine.

Sam and Parker talked about Sam's schedule and then Sam and Cameron talked about Sam's schedule again and a swoop bike whatever that is, then Cameron talked to just about everyone else in the room, including Marie on the topic of stupid boys, Shawn about second floor pride (I heard all of your foot-stomping pride from living on the first floor) and Parker and Anders about students leaving. Just think, with graduates out there, you'll have plenty of working people to borrow money off when you leave school. Oh, and in infinitely important news, Parker met Shawn.

For the sake of the radio staff's sanity, I'm tempted to padlock the Second Floor Common Room up. I think I'm beginning to understand the 'talky meat' note.

Deep breath. Moving on. Since I like numerical order, we'll see what kind of mischief the mighty Third Floor Thrashers were getting into.

Fandom's youngest two Winchesters were baking and bickering as brothers do. Tyler decided to get a good start on buttering up (not literally) the Winchester teaching Hunting 101 by helping with the baking.

Luke found out that Tyler knew the guy Luke shares a surname with, Zack was being a big geek - I mean studious young academic - by studying before classes have even begun, then he and Tyler discussed lava and gremlins on a comparative scale. I'd also like to inform you that the lava has now been cleared up and the administration would like to apologize for any inconvenience, burns and acid rain that may have occurred.

Luke learns that not all milk is blue, then traumatizes Dean, is a geek with Zack and talks Hutt eating habits with Sam W. Bel talked dirty about Anakin to Luke, bonded in a manly fashion with Tyler and had a scuffle with Dean over Daddy Dearest's class. Be nice boys, or at least do it where I can't see it.

Matilda is also geeky but endearingly so, reminisced with Aeryn and geeked out some more with Tyler.

There's nothing wrong with being a geek. Geeks will inherit the Earth and many of you will get into medical school if you try hard enough. Be nice to geeks. They may one day save your life or blow up the planet. You decide which one you'd prefer.

Aeryn finds out that Daddy Winchester is in town and is traumatized by Luke. If you want pointers on trauma, apparently you should give this Luke guy a call. Then Buffy was sad and offered Aeryn a make-over. My notes say she's still alive and well.

Dean and Buffy talked shop, Sam W invited Buffy to dinner - finally, someone who knows what they're doing! Tyler and Buffy talked about their respective summer experiences, then Buffy and Dawn did as sisters do and had a fashion crisis. Anything but drab green, girls. Meanwhile, the Hitachiin twins watched the pie-making.

Moving on to the Fourth Floor Fighting Phantoms Joxer made breakfast and I hope there was enough for everyone. Sharing is caring unless it's a contagious disease or chewing gum. Agnes learned about the healthiest of healthy breakfasts, Cedric talked interior decorating - you creative fiend, Cedric - Agnes showed Cedric her frog (make of that what you will), Broots is in training to become a fully-fledged caffeine addict but still has time to eat breakfast and learn about the Disc from Agnes.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need a drink.

*silence, then gulping sounds*

Much better. We now have a stable, and before you ask no there's no manger involved, but Willow and Peter Pevensie the Portly Pony had lunch. No really, he turned into a pony. Ask him for a ride while you still can. Take photos. I insist. Seely keeps making news headlines by apologizing to Peter Pony and getting bitten again. At least there's no debauchery involved this time. I hope. Let's not go there. Then there's talk of wereponies and werecelery between Willow and Bel and then the whole menagerie watches Project Runway.

I'm going to pretend that made sense.

Some of you like your privacy and stayed out of the common rooms, and that's fine, but you should have remembered to lock the pirate out, because your dirty laundry is about to be aired on the radio.

Jim is sick so stay away until we figure out if he's contagious or not. I'm mostly sure it's not the plague. Flexible Peter (as opposed to Peter Pevensie the Pretty Pony and Slip N Slide Peter - yes, I saw that) asked Aeryn for training help. Well, it's better than offering a makeover.

Revenge is sweet and as Agnes found out, Z met Luke and wasn't traumatized, Rory and Luke had a heart-to-heart, Rory and Angela talk about gremlins, Aeryn and Rory are sad and Molly came back sad and Cameron took care of her. Kids, I don't know what has you down, but if you need to talk, we have a counselor. Or me.

Ranma's dog met Teddy and I'm assuming that Ranma was there as well, Anders and Cally caught up and talked about - oh geez, classes, again! Classes. Classes don't start until Monday! Enjoy what's left of your summer!

Aeryn and John were serious at each other, as they do so well, Conner stayed in, so did Nadia and Walter, Anders and Bridge, Setsuna, Zero and it says here that Cedric and Jack were cute together. You two should have your own TV show.

And finally for campus news, Pip taught Blair to fire a gun. *ruffling of papers* No, I didn't read that wrong. Kids, just say no to guns. They're noisy and annoying and if you're not careful you could end up in the clinic or dead. They're a lot like redneck neighbors, in a way.

Wait, no, I have a message here that I'm meant to pass on. There's a group of people meeting in the lobby tomorrow morning to go and find Marie. Wherever Marie is. I'm sure one of you will tell me if this actually needs adult intervention, since that's what we're here for and...*sigh* anyway. Moving on.

Downtown: Where All the Lights are Bright

We're on the home stretch now. It's a very long stretch, but we're almost home.

Alanna released Door from the clinic today. I'm going to assume from the capitalization on my notes that that's a name and that Alanna isn't on a crusade to free all of the doors on the island. But the clinic was all quiet when Doctor Goodchild started his shift.

The Winchesters and friends had dinner at Daddy Winchester's place, Jude left and Setsuna saw him off, Silent Bob and the scrawny blonde fellow he spends his time with loitered, Jamie and Marie met up at the Kwik Stop - obviously before I got the note - Caritas was open and Rosette put an eyepatch on a statue. Everyone needs a hobby.

Lyra visited All and Sundries today where Seras was working, Parker and my new housemate Jarod spent time at the park and The Doctor who's too hung up on his title was out and about tonight.

I'm now sure all of you are caffeine addicts, because The Perk was as busy today as a the Fourth Sin's Toyko counterparts during the Korean War. A bunch of friendly folks stopped by: Rosette, Summer, Janice - all ladies I don't know and if you're of a legal age, feel free to call in and leave me your number. Then there was The Doctor who needs to get a name since he's not the only doctor in town and that could get confusing, Mac, the ever-chipper Pippi, the debonairre Doctor Christian Troy, Shawn who I hope has stopped talking about classes, Togusa who has returned to our fair shores, Walter who I'm told doesn't own a teddy bear and our very own Ms Nadia Santos.

May your nights be sleepless and your bloodstream be filled with caffeinated goodness with caramel syrup and chocolate sprinkles.

Last but not least, today marked a special occasion with Zero Hopeless-Savage, she of the many-colored hair, holding auditions for a new band she's starting. Zero, I'm no Sinatra, but if you need a guest singer...but I digress. Parker the queen of vodka did her part as manager by being bossy as usual - stick with what you're good at. Alanna the Hyperactive Redhead auditioned, as did the Argentinian diva Nadia. The Hitachiin twins did their part for the music industry, along with Cowboy Pete, Pip and his wild guitar talent. Agnes blew them away, Shawn revealed that girls love musicians - that's more like it! River did some interpretive dance, The Chad did some magnificent bass lines and Pippi was an animal on the drums.

Meanwhile, Parker and 'The' watched, along with Alanna, Nadia, Evie, Pip, The Chad and Flexible Peter.

That's a great turn-out. Wonderful support group, even if most of you were there to heckle everyone else.

Thank you, Fandom, for an interesting day. You all talk far too much and don't play enough poker. But you can't play poker without inviting me. It's in the school rulebook. Go and check if you have to.

This, my fellow Fandomoniums, is DJ Hawk signing off. Stay safe, drink plenty of fluids and don't forget to tip your waitress. Good night!
[identity profile] drywitmartini.livejournal.com
Good evening, Fandom! It is I, the one, the only, your school's Vice Principal and Principle of Vices. Yes, ladies and germs, it's Hawkeye Pierce aka DJ Hawk here with you today on the pirate's own Fandom Radio. Prepare to be dazzled by the wild and wacky adventures of your fellow Fandomoniums.

School Room Blues

First up, as part of the Fandom High administration's full service torture package, not only do you have to live through classes, but now you have to listen to me talk about them all over again. Don't worry kids and kids-at-heart, I won't be offended if you block your ears and say 'lalalala' for this next part.

Zero taught Creature Languages by showing a shark video. I'm assuming that's because they were learning how to speak shark, and if you've been here long enough, I doubt that's surprising to you.

Advanced Criminal Justice, with the big guy in blue, talked about Criminal Justice. Namely, the guys in robes and the places they hang out when they're not at the bar drinking.

Speaking of which, in the spirit of Ms Tyler's drinking game, I recommend all of you over the legal drinking age indulge a little during this broadcast. It's the only thing that'll get you through it. Those of you who aren't over the legal drinking age are free to do whatever you want as long as I don't find out about it.

Music 201 with Professor Ted studied the music of Middle Earth, as opposed to Left Earth or Right Earth. They also ate food. Any class with food can't be all bad.

Biology, Chemistry and Forensics got their grades, and it's a fare thee well to Sara Sidle. Professor Sidle, it's been a pleasure, but sadly not 'a pleasure' since we never met. Perhaps in another life. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Et cetera.

Speech 201 worked on speeches about what they learned in Fandom. I think that's pretty straight forward. Death means nothing except, I'm told, something involving jazz hands, ducks have teeth, the Dean is a head in a tube and be careful what you eat, because it might turn you into a bunny. More on that later, folks. Speech 301 played poker.

...and I wasn't invited??? What is wrong with you people? That's it, I'm making an administrative decree. No gambling on campus without at least inviting me first. Moving along...

The ever-lovely Miss Bristow took over for Professor Dream in Classics and Foreign Literature by assigning readings. Okay, so maybe she isn't ever-lovely, just whenever she's not giving out readings.

Arthurian Traditions with a man who's secure enough in his masculinity to wear a skirt learned about something to do with Arthur. I'm sure if you cared, you'd be doing the class and would already know what they learned about.

Political Campaigning with Professor Lemon.. *rustling notes* wait, no, Professor LYMAN I'm sorry, talked about free media *snort* and Angel's fashion sense. That's what it says right here, folks.

Sociology of Sex Cultures, a class I'm most intrigued by and must sit in on some time, talked about prostitution. Professor Grissom, you've sold me. I'll be there next week.

Business classes with the delectable, and very taken I know - hello Mr Danes and what a fine lady your wife is - Professor Gilmore-Danes, worked on final projects.

Histories of Western Civilization and Medieval England with Professor Talk, Dark and Brooding learned about medieval things, including the Black Death, not to be confused by the White Death, Beige Death or Periwinkle Polka-Dotted Death.

Ms Calendar - call me - taught today as well. Amazing things teachers do on a daily basis. Psychology 101 talked about perception, which is all in the eye of the beholder, things aren't as they seem and how about a date Saturday night, Ms Calendar? While the Jung students did something to do with Jung. As you do.

Finally, General Physical Conditioning did the same thing they do every week. They were generally physical. Or physically general. Either way, I'll bet with all of that conditioning their hair looks shiny and new.

And now we move on to office hours. The booming voice accompanying the head in the tube and lady with legs all the way to the floor, Professor Cregg held office hours but no one showed. Offer hors d'oeuvres or free chilli next time and the kids will be lining up for hours to see you. The stickbug-wielding Professor Ms Rita Skeeter Esquire the Third Pty Ltd held office hours and got some visitors. I'll bet she offered chilli.

Nobody visited the teachers' lounge today, probably because Biff went on a binge and drank all of the alcohol last night. I'm joking, of course. Know that the Fandom High faculty are in no way heavy drinkers. At all.

The cafeteria, on the other hand, was booming with business. Nadia and Victor had lunch. My notes say there was no drama or emo. Kids, it's high school. I don't know what emo is, but high school *is* drama. Enjoy it while it lasts, or at least act up once in a while. It makes my life more interesting. Quinn was traumatized by the Chef wearing...leather pants. Quinn, we have a school counselor. After a sight like that, use the free counseling. You'll need it.

Now onward to that house of constant learning, knowledge and highly caffeinated assistants, the library. Sam and Zero talked about Creature Languages, Parker and Zero had an apparently noteworthy lunch - noteworthy enough to get on the radio anyway - and Rory helped Peter do some research. If it's anything like the research I did in the stacks in high school... study hard, kids.

She-of-the-Ever-Changing-Hair sent an email about a Creature Languages mix-up and He-of-the-Everlasting-Sugar-High sent an email about Music 201.

And finally, according to today's announcement, the red crayon of doom was gone, but various lockers were giving out free cream pies if you were fast enough to catch them.

A Wretched Hive of Gum and Villainy

You kids and your cahooting and carousing. Ah, youth. Just don't set anything on fire and we'll get along fine.

The gym was busy today with Cam, Aeryn and Isabel stopping by.

Krycek couldn't resist the urge to dance, and now I'm telling everyone what a dancing queen he is on the radio. I'm sure he'll take requests if you ask nicely.

It seems that the dorms were visited by a ghost today. I've given up on being surprised by this place. The ghost, whom I will now name Joey Joe Joe, had a pillow fight with Ms Sun and tried to make people dance. Some ghosts want Earthly revenge. Others just want a good tune to swing to.

Posters for something called girlkissy went up, and now I'm wondering if I need to set up a teacher version to set a good example. It seems Ms Thrace isn't too pleased about it. Where's your school spirit? Posters for RISK on Saturday night were also around the dorms.

And...this can't be right. My notes say that Sharon decided to nuke some Peeps. Peeps? People? Anyone with radiation poisoning, please report to the clinic and for the love of...

*whispering off microphone*

Ah. Apparently Sharon ISN'T getting detention for setting off a nuclear device, she just decided to cook some candy in the microwave.

Pippi watched Bitterwoman in the 5th floor common room - we have a 5th floor?

To start us off with the meetings and greetings of the day, John and Aeryn are in the running for the Couple Most Likely to Send Everyone to the Dentist With Cavaties award. Ivanova is sad about Tonks leaving, but fear not Ivanova. There are other fish in the sea, birds in the sky and singles in the bars and there always will be.

Anakin aka that Broody Kid with the Robes visited Isabel, Alphonse was visited by Victor and Cameron slept in his own bed. My notes say 'for once'. Cameron, you ol' dog.

Downtown Fandom: Check Your Sanity at the Gate

*takes a deep breath*

We're on the final stretch here, folks. Hold onto your hats, keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle and hold your breath and count backwards from 30.

If you're looking for a job, Crowley of The Arms Hotel is hiring.

Camulus and Orlin are back to their old selves. This is apparently a good thing. Then they had dinner. And I thought the Crabapple Cove Courier was easy-going with what they considered news, but this is ridiculous.

The Great Vodka Supplier and her Boy Wonder visited Galactica Point. Nice name for a place. Very sci-fi. Ivanova also stopped by at the Point for a brooding session.

Weevil and Veronica were at Caritas chatting away about life, love and...well actually, I don't know what they were talking about. Ask them if you're interested. Victor was there too, but he had no one to talk to.

Meanwhile, Sparky Repairs was busy, as was the grand high poobah of baked goods, the Kwik Stop and the Fourth Sin where GOB and Becky were romantic. In the brothel. How sweet.

Lastly, you were all fantastically healthy individuals and the empty clinics were proof of that.

So folks...

Wait, no, there's one last thing.

*silence, then a burst of laughter*

It seems the good Mr Echolls, labelled here as "Logan-who-used-t'be-a-bunny" is now "Logan-who-used-to-be-a-bunny-and-is-now-one-again." Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this opportunity. There will be "Logan-who-used-to-be-a-bunny-and-is-now-one-again" merchandise and memorabilia available from my office as of tomorrow. Don't forget to get your photo taken with "Logan-who-used-to-be-a-bunny-and-is-now-one-again" and scratch the little guy behind the ears.

I'll bet he loves baby talk too.

This is DJ Hawk, broadcasting to you from Crow's Nest II. Enjoy your completely non-alcoholic beverages, your completely innocent and non-mischievous gatherings and have a good night!

Fandom High RPG

About the Game

---       Master Game Index
---       Thinking of Joining?
---       Application Information
---       Existing Character Directory

In-Character Comms

School and Grounds
---       Fandom High School
---       Staff Lounge
---       TA Lounge
---       Student Dorms

Around the Island
---       Fandom Town
---       Fandom Clinic

---       Radio News Recaps
---       Student Newspaper
---       IC Social Media Posts

Off-Island Travel
---       FH Trips

Once Upon a Time...
---       FH Wishverse AU

Out-of-Character Comms

---       Main OOC Comm
---       Plot Development
---       OOC-but-IC Fun


Fandom High is a not-for-profit text-based game/group writing exercise, featuring fictional characters and settings from a variety of creators, used without permission but for entertainment purposes only.