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Up at the school yesterday, Civics was watching a movie, but Steve accidentally pressed the switch on a box instead of the DVD player, and the classroom got covered in glitter while the coffee is ruined. Sex Ed watched a movie, and Skywalker had office hours but knew better than to press any strange switches. Lucky for him, Aphra stopped by and gave in to temptation.

The Student Council had their first meeting. Tip told Breq that StuCo mostly deals with arranging parties, then explained what parties here are like and got Breq all curious about karaoke. Then Tip introduced herself to Yang, and they talked about Yang appreciating getting to punch things. Sounds like that one is at the right school, I guess.

Our lord and master Zoe was soliciting ideas for family weekend, and Tip suggested bowling but Paris doesn't want to wear other people's shoes, and suggested a reception instead, and strategies to make her parents avoid seeing blue people. Now, that's a kid at the wrong school.

Summer was packing for a trip home in her dorm room and cut herself on some metal on her suitcase, and found out she's fully of wires rather than blood. Well that sucks. Sorry, sunshine. Shiemi stopped by and gave Summer two pink pillows from the pillow tree, and Summer asked her if Fandom is turning people into robots today. Well, that's one possibility I guess.

Town was livelier than usual for once, all because of those damn switches. At Turtle & Canary the Merchant of Miracles found a box with a switch, and it contained tiny, hopping, blue things. Liam was the smart one at the Trooper Station and didn't press the switch: instead Ralph did it and the station got covered in flour. No switches at the Magic Box, just Jenkins trying to get the books to behave. Mate, good luck with that one. At Syndulla Scrap, the lovely Hera found several boxes and ended-up covered in feathers, confetti and salt. Kanan was doing his lightsaber practice in the park, covered in glitter, probably also due to a box, when Ino stopped by to flatter him, and they discussed a roadtrip in space. Tip wandered over too, and Kanan offered to teach her swordfighting. Last but not least, Dante was playing the guitar and answering texts at Groovy Tunes.

I'm out, Fandom. Stop flipping switches if you don't know what they do.

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[personal profile] talentforlying
Looks like you lot went and got quiet on me again.

Up at the school, Civics discusses types of government. Peridot didn't want to be noticed for some reason, but Paris told her it was pointless to hide, while Tony and Steve complained about the current president but agreed that glitter is a good thing. And that, friends, is American politics in a nutshell. This week in Sex Ed, they talked about consent, which American politics could use more of.

Over in town, Breq had tea at the Perk, Liam was confused by a squirrel with a police badge and a police hat at the Trooper Station -- like they aren't bossy enough -- and Dante arrived at Groovy Tunes four hours late wearing a coat full of bullet holes. Mate, I've got a spell to help prevent that.

But that's it, Fandom. I'm out. Catch you all later.
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[personal profile] talentforlying
Yes yes, fine, I'm up you little shits. Can't a man sleep in sometimes?

*angry chittering*

Fuck you, I wasn't hungover, I had a migraine. Whatever. Fandom, listen up, there's more notes here than I like, so let's make it fast.

School is back in session, which means I probably need to hire more aides, don't I? Fucking hell, where did the summer go? Anyway Baby Winchester was nervous about teaching Sex Ed for the first time, but managed. I think there's a binder somewhere in my office from when Dee and I taught it, if you want it, Sam. Tony and Steve are teaching Civics this semester, and tried to use the current political climate to try to teach the class about democracy. The kids made protest signs and Summer "helped" explain protest signs and the importance of glitter to Peridot.

Town was a little livelier than usual... Jenkins was dusting and sulking at the phone at the Magic Box, Dante was practicing learning a guitar solo all afternoon at Groovy Tunes, at Syndulla Scrap the lovely Hera was eating bread with a spicy dipping sauce and trying to keep Chopper from shooting squirrels -- eh, let him chase them, it won't do them any harm -- and over at the Trooper Station, Liam was fielding a call from a woman afraid of the dreaded weefee. Don't mess with the weefee mate, I think you end up blue and with a sentient cheese.

Oh hell, there's more. Looks like there was a party in the dorms, as Summer decided to celebrate with a, and I quote, "Yay you survived your first week!" party. Don't celebrate until after midterms and your first invasion, kids.

Lots of people showed up

Breq was people-watching from the couch and told Tip about her new job at Groovy Tunes. Tip explained to herthat there's different types of earth music and Breq planned to go to the library to read about more. Right. Aides! Whichever of you is working when she gets in, make sure she gets something on punk. Decent punk.
Summer also chatted with Breq, and explained that she was very well-known for her parties.

Peridot was there to drop off Summer's new phone, and she and Tip compared classes and discussed Peridot making a new set of limb enhancers. 'Dot, go ahead and modify whatever the fuck you want in the library, as long as it's helpful for you doing your job and won't blow up.

Anyway. Breq and Peridot talked about how they don't know much about going to parties, but focused on having a purpose in life and what to do when you unexpectedly found yourself without one. Ladies, a tip... that's not generally party conversation. Too deep.

Summer was super-excited to get her phone back from Peridot... because she's so freaking addicted that she'd been reduced to air texting without it. That's just... no. Hyacinthe asked Peridot if she'd gotten to feed the lizards, and she said Sidon had given her a boost. Tip brought snacks and she and Summer also talked about classes, with Summer explaining her habit of working hard to make it look like she wasn't very smart at all, which Tip didn't understand. Pretty sure it's a popular-girl thing, Tip. Brains vs. Beauty, only one can survive, and all that nonsense.

Hyacinthe noticed Tip's hair had grown back faster than hair normally appears, and wanted to know if it was a power. Nah, it's a Fandom-thing. I think it's a tree, maybe? Or is that the pillows?

Aloy was confused by the party in the common room, so Summer gave her a pep talk about... either the squirrels were high, or Summer was, because apparently they talked about being one step away from destruction or immortality. Tip checked in on Aloy and heard about a class throwing gremlins before introductions. Who the fuck did that? If any of those bastards escaped into the library, I know who has to get them out...

Breq and Aloy agreed to not spend time talking about places the other had never heard of, which is more sensible than most Fandomites, and Hyacinthe greeted Aloy in a foreign language and seemed relieved to discover she didn't understand him. That's a first.

Sidon wasn't certain that he'd found the right party, but Tip was there to welcome him, before warning him that sometimes the island tried to kill everyone. Accurate. Hyacinthe also welcomed Sidon, asking who at the party he'd already met.

Hyacinthe showed up wearing body glitter -- and it looks like the squirrels drew little glittery hearts here for some reason -- and was a little concerned about Summer. The season or the girl, I'm not sure which. He and Breq talked about the potential for invasions while Jason and Summer caught up and he explained that he'd only gotten in trouble once. Only once? Fucking hell, kids, either have more fun, or good job at not getting caught.

Tip teased Dante about only showing up for food, but decided that made sense when he mentioned they were still moving into their new place -- they let kids live outside the dorms? Why are any of you still there? -- and Jughead also showed up just for the food, but Summer called him out for "pulling a Dante." Harsh.

That's it. I'm John Constantine, that was all the gossip unfit to print, and I'm going the fuck back to sleep. Later, Fandom.


[OOC: This radio brought to you by method RP. I am now going back to bed to sleep the rest of this migraine off.]

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, August 12th, 2017 12:03 pm
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[personal profile] talentforlying
We're doing this fast and quick, Fandom, so listen up. Alien Conspiracy Theories discussed the secret lizard people overlords and which public figures they think might be lizard people, and just saying that makes me feel fucking stupider, while International Cuisine went off to Vilnius in Lithuania today.

Clean-up was ongoing in town, with Hera trying to clean up the yard and her cargo hold which both smell like fish at the junkyard, and Dani's also got her hands full at the Gig, where most of the horses were still scared and didn't want to leave the barn for fear of sharks.

That's it, I'm out. Good luck cleaning up all the shark-shite, people.

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, August 5th, 2017 10:43 am
talentforlying: (playing with lightning)
[personal profile] talentforlying
*doors slamming*

It's a fucking mess out there. The wind is insane, there's rain, and there's sharks flying the fuck everywhere. I had to beat them off with a damn bat. Fandom, it's Constantine, stay the fuck inside. Now let's get this over with.

In case you'd somehow missed it, the water around the island is now full of sharks that keep using fish puns to taunt Jeff, which Jenkins, at least felt was kind of foreboding.

Impending hurricane notwithstanding, International Cuisine still goes on a field trip to Morocco, to eat at a restaurant in the middle of the Marrakech markets.

After class, Hannibal went home to help Jono start boarding up the windows, checking the generator, and doing all the pre-hurricane prep stuff, while at MCA #3, Kanan's mostly fretting about how the ship will fare, being parked outside in a hurricane. He and Hera were perplexed about how people on Earth deal with hurricanes, and contemplate just leaving town for a few days, or trying to negotiate how Kanan's dog and Hera's droid will manage to coexist in close quarters. I hope you two went with the first option.

The kids in the dorms were during their own storm prep, with Tip's going around the dorms putting up flyers advertising the storm party she and Summer are throwing on Saturday.

That's it, I'm headed back to the library. If you have any sense, you'll be there, or stay home.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, July 29th, 2017 12:22 pm
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[personal profile] talentforlying
It's Saturday, you mad bastards, so here's the goings-on of the last twenty-four hours.

At the school, Vanessa asked the Alien Conspiracy Theories students to share their thoughts on alien abduction stories, while International Cuisine was off to Papua New Guinea for a seafood buffet dinner.

In town, at Groovy Tunes Dante had Queen stuck in his head, and was grudgingly singing along with "Under Pressure." Which he preferred to the radio that insists on playing nothing but U2. Bloody fucking right.

That's it, Fandom. Enjoy your weekend.

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, July 22nd, 2017 11:11 am
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[personal profile] talentforlying
Alright, Fandom, listen up because I've got shite to do.

Lecter took the kids to Mongolia and didn't bring back any food for the teacher's lounge, Dante was earwormed at Groovy Tunes, and Summer was watching classic bad science fiction in the second floor common room.

Right. Done. Now fuck off.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, July 1st, 2017 11:16 am
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[personal profile] talentforlying
It's break-week, so there's no school.

In the morning, Kanan was at the park pretending to hit things near the duck pond while Stance makes sure all the ducks are going to need therapy for years Eliot came by with Val and complimented Kanan's form, then hopes his actual weapon is better balanced than the stick he's using. Eliot nagged at him about how he needs to train with something better than a broomstick until Kanan finally relented and reassembled his lightsaber. Now pretending to hit shit with a glowstick. Because Fandom.

Jenkins was having a half-off special on tarot card readings at the Magic Box yesterday, while Liam was at the Trooper Station drinking coffee and trying to go through backlogged paperwork. Welcome to the madness, fresh meat.

Lovely Hera's attempts to get the junkyard organized were kind of ruined by someone literally dumping a giant load of junk in the middle of the place, and Kanan stopped by later with Stance and also food.

That's it, Fandom. Someone go take that Liam-sod off to Caritas and introduce him to the band sooner rather than later.

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, June 24th, 2017 11:14 am
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[personal profile] talentforlying
Fine fine, I'm here. Calm down, you fuzzy little arseholes.

Philosophy of Food wrapped up the term by having the students taste-test foods from their own cultures as made by Hannibal...unless people wrote essays, in which case they get them back printed on edible paper...what the fuck is wrong with this place? Japanese Art broke things and put them back together but with gold, which is apparently an art and philosophy thing called kintsugi. The more you know, kids.

Meanwhile in town, all the screaming you heard was Dante blasting Spanish death metal at Groovy Tunes, and at Turtle and Canary, the goat-that-is-not-actually-a-unicorn is loudly pining after Thursday's drama llamas.

That's it. I'm out of here. Go do something interesting, Fandom.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, June 17th, 2017 10:33 am
talentforlying: (bwee)
[personal profile] talentforlying
I cannot believe you fucks get me up for this. Fine. Let's get it done.

School happened. Philosophy of Food got treated to a demonstration of Hannibal cooking steak and kidney pie, and he wanted to know if anyone has plans for their final projects. Mate, they're teenagers. They'll all pick something the night before and stay up to get it done. Japanese Art learned about sumi-e, which is like painting and calligraphy at the same time or something.

In town, Dante spent most of his Groovy Tunes shift looking at cat pictures, eventually remembering to put on music since it's a music store. And Xanthippe was at the beach in the afternoon, without her phone, so she just stared at the water since apparently she doesn't understand how to interact with the world without her digital leash. Kids these days. Go swimming, for one. Or build a fucking sandcastle. Fuck if I know, use your fucking imagination.

That's it, Fandom, I'm going back to bed. Try not to do anything weirder than usual.

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, June 10th, 2017 09:31 am
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[personal profile] talentforlying
Right, let's get this bloody over with.

School actually had three classes today. Magnus got everyone in Woodworking a Frappuccino as an apology for missing class last week because he got lost on the mainland. Sucks to be you, mate.

In Japanese Art, Nathan gave the class a basic introduction to ikebana, or Japanese flower arranging, and Peter checked in to see what Nathan's doing with the flowers his shop provided. Steve was loitering around afterwards as well, and Nathan asked him how he feels about flowers, and pointed out he wouldn't be teaching about flower arrangements if everyone knew how to do them.

Philosophy of Food discussed foods that are common or valued in various cultures, while Hannibal reminded them they have a class project.

It was similarly quiet in town, except for Dante's blasting angry dance music and playing along on the guitar as a method of coping with the trauma of the screaming goat at Groovy Tunes. At the Magic Box, Jenkins opens a cupboard to discover chipmunks in flagrante delicto -- that's fucking shite. Don't tell me they're smart like the fucking squirrels -- and at Turtle and Canary, the Merchant of Miracles is dealing with a lovesick... the notes say 'unicorn,' but that's scratched out and some squirrel scribbled 'goat' in the margins. Is that why 'unicorn' always had quotations around it? Fucking hell, some Merchant of 'Miracles' if he doesn't know a bloody fucking goat when he's got one.

That's it, folks. Enjoy your weekend, Fandom.

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, June 3rd, 2017 11:55 am
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[personal profile] talentforlying
You brought me here for this? One page of notes? You couldn't have brought whatever gear you use for vacations and come to my flat?


Whatever. Fandom, it's gossip time.

First up at school, Philosophy of Food talked about the things that affect how we think of food, like culture and availability and economics, while Japanese Art learned about -- and attempted to write, the poor fuckers -- haiku.

Over in town, Jenkins hit up J,GoB and ends up with a gigantic box of donuts that he went out on the patio to enjoy. The Merchant of Miracles's "unicorns" why the fuck is 'unicorns' in quotes? If they're not actually unicorns, don't fucking report them as unicorns -- were very interested in Jenkins's donuts, much to their owner's dismay when he caught up to them. Dante was screwing around on the guitar at Groovy Tunes, when Ada showed up with a giant box of donuts because it was National Donut Day. Why didn't you fuzzy arseholes put that note at the top? Happy late donut day, people. Go get some. They contemplated glitter donuts, and made plans for going to Baltimore Pride.

That's it. Cheers, Fandom. Don't do anything I'd do.

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, May 27th, 2017 09:04 am
talentforlying: (bwee)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Fucking hell. Morning, Fandom. Let's get this done.

Philosophy of Food met in the Danger Shop this week -- which sounds like the set up for a food fight, but that's not happening with Lecter -- and discussed how environment may or may not affect people's food choices and preferences. Japanese Art also used the Danger Shop, and learned to make traditional mochi, which the squirrels insist is an art. What the fuck is a mochi?

*squirrlish chittering*

There is a lot of fucking weird food out there, isn't there?

Mostly town dealt with the effects of the paint-rain. At Turtle and Canary, the Merchant of Miracles is annoyed and blaming Apu for his "unicorns" being bright red, despite the fact it's raining fucking paint, and he goes through the store's shampoo stock trying to clean them up... look, mate, if you're a fucking merchant of 'miracles,' fucking miracle it away. Fucking tosser conartists...


Yeah, but the con isn't my magic, Leroy, it's everything else. So fuck off.

At Syndulla Scrap, Hera is not fucking happy about being painted different colors because of the rain. Fuck off, Fandom, she's already a perfectly nice color. Leave the lady alone. Later on, Summer came in to see Hera's ship and have Chopper help her look over some maps. Dante was practicing his guitar skills at Groovy Tunes, and on the domestic end of town news, Kitty and Clint had pizza and talked about how some of his work friends turned out to be evil. Man, that always sucks. Sorry, mate.

That's it, Fandom. All the news unfit to print, delivered straight to your ears. You're welcome.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, May 20th, 2017 10:25 am
talentforlying: (can't clean me up for polite company)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Right then, let's get this done. It's time for all the news that's unfit to print, courtesy of the voyeuristic squirrels.

*squirrel cheers*

That wasn't a compliment you plonkers.

School had two classes: Philosophy of Food discussed the question of why we eat, and Hannibal had people choose one out of pairs of foods and explain why they made that choice. Pretty sure we eat to live, mate. Japanese Art learned about-- fuck me. Do..doro-dang-o? Fuck if I know. Which is apparently the Japanese art of making shiny polished mud balls. Apparently that's a thing. Hannibal checked in on the class and talked with Algren about the 'virtues' of playing in mud as adults. I mean, I don't turn the telly off if it's ladies' mud wrestling, if that's what you mean. And Steve showed up to tease Algren about the mud pies, and Algren tries to convince him to try it.

Over in town, Dante was playing around with a guitar at Groovy Tunes until Ada showed up with ice cream sundaes for lunch. Sounds like a plan to me. At Luke's, the cook is still a sheep -- sucks to be you, mate -- but Parker won't let the staff make all the specials lamb again today. Alots are also off the menu. That's just fucking disturbing.

Hera opened up the junkyard to try and sort through and organize things, good luck with that. Summer went to the Perk to try and study, and ended up people-watching because there was a customer making a huge deal about the size of the coffee cups and the amount of foam and spoons and other fucking yuppie nonsense. Hera came in on her break, and asked Summer about some of the ingredients on the menu. They talked about Hera's galaxy and whether it's the same Galactic Federation exists in her world as it does in Summer's....Also Hera may be trying to give Summer tips on how to locate a high security prison. Well, I guess that's a hobby.

That's it Fandom. I'm going back to bed, don't do anything I'd do.

WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, May 13th, 2017 12:12 pm
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[personal profile] talentforlying
Morning, Fandom. Must be Saturday, and I'm John Fucking Constantine. New kids, you've survived your first week. I think. At least none of the notes say anyone died from the weirdness, so we'll go with that.

There were two classes up at the school: Philosophy of Food did the traditional first week introductions, though not before Hannibal went over the class rules. Japanese Art also did some introductions before Algren taught them a little bit about origami.

Summer was going around the dorms, putting up flyers advertising a party in the 2nd floor common room on Saturday night to celebrate making it through the first week of classes. You'll go far here, kid.

In similar fashion in town, Algren was passing out invitations for a teachers' party at his place on Sunday.

And down by the causeway, Anders and Dante got back from vacation, and noted that the island is still standing, but also that it felt weird being back, especially with Anders not being a student any more. Kathy was doing laps around the island when she sees they're back, and Anders apologized for not being able to give her an exact time for their arrival, but they're happy to see each other. Dante also got a sweaty hug from Kathy, and they discussed the possibility of future excursions.

And that's it. I'm out, Fandom. Try not to have too much fun.
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[personal profile] talentforlying
Morning, Fandom. Hope you're ready for the shuttle to get back, because those of you up at the school are about to have free lunch. It's the reason I still work here, I think.

Absolutely nothing happened around here yesterday, because there was a field trip to DC in a preferable alternate reality. Can we just move the entire island to that reality? Just asking.

There was a tour of the Air and Space Museum, and Kanan was extremely amused at the footage of Steve doing the kickline and is never going to forget it. Someone tell me he recorded it for the rest of us. Mary also watched the footage, and Steve points out that he's not that scrawny any more, though she thinks he was kind of adorable that way.

There was a tour of the White House available, where Anakin was taking pictures of all the dishes -- is that a Jedi thing? -- and SHIELD HQ was also available for tours. Tony's hanging around there making the tour guides uncomfortable for 'the lolz', and points out to Steve that his Cunning Disguise is not working that well. Sorry, Steve, you're noticeable in a crowd. Clint checked out the memorial wall and wanted to know if Tony has one in his reality, because that's something people say around here.

There were also tours for the memorials on the Lincoln Memorial side: Goody and Algren discussed how it looks different in person, and also very different from their time period. Also a thing we say around here. Faraday and Goody looked at the war memorials and puzzled by the wars that haven't happened for them yet. Some people opted to hit up the museums; Eliot and Parker chose to visit the National Museum of the American Indian.

And some of the kids opted to hang out at the Mall. Rhys was sulking about getting hit by a softball because he walked through where a game was going on, and Mara laughed at him before they determine that yes, they actually do go to school together and aren't total strangers. Gold star, kids. Also they wonder whether Rhys might end up with another llama roommate. Only if karma hates you, Rhys, which, it seems to, so... Peridot kept having to tell people that she's not lost and doesn't need to find her parents, and when Tip came over and offers to help deflect the glares, Peridot noticed her lack of hair and wonders if she can shapeshift. And thus does Peridot learn about haircuts. Right then, 'Dot, I'm giving you another stack of books to read.

This ends the news, Fandom. Go out and get some food.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, April 29th, 2017 11:20 pm
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
What do you mean I should 'keep it clean, there's company'? Fuck that. This is John Fucking Constantine, and if you want my fucking news, you'll cope.

School was quite since there weren't classes. At the library, Lucille was reading a book while a bunch of smaller books chased each other around and she ignored them.

Town was a bit livelier. Dante was busy at Groovy Tunes, digging through the music selection. Though apparently he had an ultieror motive... since in the evening, Dante threw a party in one of the warehouses.
Lots of people showed up to indulge in some fun the night before graduation. Ada showed up extra glittery and shared some of her spare glitter with Dante, and Anders got a hug and she helped him glitter-up. Ahsoka's there and takes Dante up on his offer of a drink, opting for the sparkly super hard stuff. Rhys talked to Ahsoka all insistent that the place is a death trap and she pointed out there's no robots trying to kill you here. Point. Today. Peridot appeared to have second thoughts about showing up, and Dante's impressed that she did. She discovers she likes being glittered up, and he gave her a crash course in human dancing via YouTube.

Tali showed up, and Dante wanted to know if she ever takes the helmet off, or if she can even drink with it on. Tali didn't care, she just appreciated that he threw a party because there's dancing. Ada's glad to see Tali and they talk about going scavenging in the junkyard before dancing. Tali remembered Rhys from the whole thing with HAL in the Danger Shop, and they wonder about whether someone is going to drunkenly fall off the trampoline. Hell, that's half the fun.

Rhys is not at ALL convinced this is safe -- probably because this is Fandom -- and Dante gets him a bottle of glittery, fruity booze to calm him. Rhys also insisted to Anders that the booze and trampoline are a recipe for disaster, and somewhat convolutedly explained to Anders how he's not actually his normal age here. Kuzco wanted to know who invited Rhys, and this devolves about as well as you'd expect into an argument about whether llamas can drink alcohol and whether drunk llama emperors should go to the vet.

Kathy was lurking in the shadows with fruity booze and Dante offered to show her around since she doesn't know most of the people there.
Hyacinthe is there in glitter and tight tight leather pants; the alternate Fandom High uniform for men, I hear. Dante offers him glitter booze, and he enjoyed it, after being surprised at how sweet it is. Anders arrived with extra booze and was kind of sad about this being his last party as a student. Dante told him not to worry, he's gonna get laid so it can't end badly.

There was food and drinks for the party, and that's where Isabela was hanging out. She and Dante agree they're not going to be sober for graduation, and how her grad plans definitely involve Zevran and nudity. Anders wants to know when she's heading home, and she says she's planning on sticking around for the summer.

And because this is Fandom, and you might as well do dumb shite the night before graduation, there was a trampoline. Ada and Isabela bounce on the trampoline, agree that Dante had some ulterior motives in including it for the party, and wonder how many people they can fit on it. When Dante asks, Ada approved of his evil brilliance and got him to come join her instead of just looking up her skirt. Kathy wasn't sure about the trampoline, but Anders convinces her to join him on it.
Kuzco got on the trampoline and was regretting it. Probably because Rhys was filming him.

There were upstairs areas to hang out in for private-ish stuff, though Rhys was mostly just concerned about the mattresses being covered in venereal diseases. Mate, you know shite doesn't transfer that way, right? You might need another term of sex-ed.

That's it, Fandom. I'm going back to bed until graduation.


[WTF sorry guys I had no idea this post hadn't gone through before I left for work. My bad.]
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
So, the squirrels are saying it's THAT time of year again. Hope all you kids had fun last night and used condoms, and if you don't know why I said that, well, you'll find out.

School actually had classes despite the fact it was the day of Prom and the last day of classes, and I promise you, not one kid gave a shit about school. Practical Diplomacy students had to take an international flight on United Airlines for their final, in case you had any doubts left that Anakin and Obi-Wan are shit-stirrers. Discovering Earth, on the other hand, got to go to Hawai'i.

In town, Dante was at Groovy Tunes during the day trying out effects pedals with the guitar and humming Fleetwood Mac. Later on in the evening, Raven was on the roof of Luke's Diner while prom is happening and Ringo nearly runs over her while out on an AT ride. She's a little out of sorts, and they talk about nightmares and the ethics of killing. Because this fucking island. And Prom may be happening, but Allie's still at the Devil's Nest to help out non-prom legal-types who can have booze without having to rely on spiked punch and hidden flasks:

Speaking of prom, the decor this year is themed around glittery animal-monster hybrids, though no rabbits, thank fuck. People arrived in some variety of style. Dante was in his usual club-hild style, which Ada appreciated, and then they talked about getting the spiked punch going and planning a party. Kathy also appreciated Dante's coat. Squirrels say there is a "looooot of flirting" going on, and Kathy says she'd be cool with it if Dante and Anders have post-prom plans even if she's Anders's date, and you know what? These kids make me feel fucking old sometimes. Anders tells Dante the decorations are going to give people nightmares, and he's not wrong. Hyacinthe shows up ready to party, and makes plans to take pictures with Ada before making out might threaten to derail that idea. Teenagers. Dante and Hyacinthe compliment each other's sartorial choices, catch up on what they've been up to, and discuss their families a bit. Isabela's dress did not leave much to the imagination, and Dante apologized to her for not bringing her a present before the inevitable innuendo and booze.

Isabela and Ada hit the dance floor and expressed surprise about how Dante suggested to both of them that they should room together this summer. Aaaaaand llama!Kuzco was dancing, which I'm sure was horrifying.

This year's suckers-- I mean chaperones were keeping a close eye on things, I'm sure. Kanan dragged Hera along so she can experience the glitter. Oh god, the glitter. You're an asshole, Kanan. She's dubious about this whole dance thing but thinks they're not getting shot at, at least. They also decide they could actually go for some monotony after how weird the last week was. Hannibal and Jono were all dressed up and talking about whether Jono would have expected to show up at prom the way he is now, back when he was a student. Eliot's dressed a little more casually, and Kathy wants to know what exactly chaperones do at dances. He teased her about how he didn't get enough pictures of her and Anders, and they talked about their families, and Hardison was in a suit and giving Eliot a hard time about his outfit:

Zoe announced prom court! Dante and Hyacinthe tied for junior king, Ahsoka won junior queen, and Anders and Ada won prom king and queen.

All the kids stayed out way too late, I'm assuming, before retreating for a typical prom night, and Kathy accompanied Anders and Dante back to the dorms after prom. Bravo to you, kids.

That's it, I'm off to hide and pray this year didn't hit me. John Constantine signing off, and remember, safe sex is best.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, April 15th, 2017 11:50 am
talentforlying: (magnificent bastard)
[personal profile] talentforlying
THERE'S FUCKING RABBITS FUCKING RUNNING AROUND THE FUCKING ISLAND. Look, go talk to your cousins or what the fuck ever and tell them to lay off the fucking Gojria routine. Give a man a fucking heart-attack the fuck is wrong with them.

*anxious chittering*

No, I don't believe you. You're sentient rum-drinking squirrels. Of course you're related to giant bunnies. Now let's get this shit done.

School had classes. Practical Diplomacy discussed feeling unappreciated and unnoticed on the job, which is called being an adult, and what to do in that situation. Discovering Earth went to Japan to enjoy the cherry blossom festival Hanami. And Driver's Ed had to drive using GPS and learn how to suffer the voice telling them it's rerouting. I fucking hate that thing.

In town, Dante was messing around on the guitar and tripping on people in the process at Groovy Tunes. Minako is in town and visiting the Perk and talking a lot at the barista and Sparkle came in to meet her and worried that he was late; Minako says no, there was time travel wonkiness with her portal.


At Luke's, Parker was busy unnerving the staff by staring silently at them as long as possible and Eliot told her that she needed to calm down because her behavior was kind of freaking out the staff. Kathy wandered in and had a talk with Eliot about whether sleeping pills would help her and how she's holding up, and Kathy also spoke to Parker to order the veggie scramble.

That's it, I'm off to the library. If you're smart, you'll stay home.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, April 8th, 2017 10:23 am
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
NO I don't want to-- right, we're doing this fast.

Practical Diplomacy had to deal with handling an annoying travel situation diplomatically. And by "annoying" I mean "while saddled with a droid baby" because Anakin and Obi-Wan are utter shits sometimes. In comparison, Discovering Earth got a spa day. Literally. In a spa in a treehouse in the Caribbean.

Over in town, Dante was out at the causeway in the morning, texting people and waiting for them to show up, which sounds ominous. Kathy came all kitted out with gear and weapons, and is a bit put out when Dante's surprised she took him up on the invitation. Jon -- oh good, they're taking an adult to wherever they're off to -- arrived and got a quick strategic rundown from Dante on how to deal with the demons they'll be facing.

What the fucking hell. No. Don't face demons, go the other fucking way. Fucking hell.

An oddly serious Ringo showed up, and Ezra came to help, but not without some hint-hint innuendo with Dante, and Ada giving him a bit of grief, first. Anders was fidgety while he waited, but got some reassurance from Dante and agrees with Kathy that they'd rather be there to help than sit out because they're scared. Isabela assures Dante that she's okay with this whole plan, and I hope you kids have three or four fucking back-up plans, and Dante's less than excited to see Ada there, and gets her to promise she'll be careful.

That's it. I'm out before--


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, March 25th, 2017 12:04 pm
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Fine, let's do this.

Practical Diplomacy talked roommate problems and Discovering Earth went to Rome. Dante worked at Groovy Tunes, and Anders and Kathy had a movie date night in the dorms.

Fandom, you're slacking. I approve, and good night.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, March 18th, 2017 02:48 pm
talentforlying: (magnificent bastard)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Ugh, what do you-- no, I'm not coming in to the radio station, I'm gloriously fucking hung-over. Go find someone else to do it today. Wait, why are you--- fuck me.


NO, you little fucks. Of course you brought the notes here. You probably spent half the night drinking my shite and spying on us. Give me the godsdamned pages and that microphone and bring me some of the rum in the cupboard, before I sober-up.

Fandom, I hate you all.

At the school, Practical Diplomacy had a movie day. I didn't know Jedi knew how to slack-off. Discovering Earth went to Tokyo to observe some traditional martial arts demonstrations, and the library was all misty and smelled like damp earth, so Lucy just sat herself down at the desk so she wouldn't have to deal with it. Sensible girl.

Town was lively. Ish. For Fandom. At Groovy Tunes, Dante was playing a green guitar and singing about St. Patrick's Day. Hopefully good solid Irish punk. Peridot spent some time at Stark Industries analyzing plastics, and at Syndulla Scrap, Hera tuned up her ship and then worked on inventorying the junkyard. Kanan was in his apartment waving around a spatula (he's using it to do lightsaber drills), and was super embarrassed about it when Hera wanted to know if the food's attacking. Mate, how you got such a pretty girl living there when you're a right moron sometimes never cases to astound me.

Oh, and I had fucking absinthe coming out of the taps, so I propped my door open to share the wealth. Peter showed up with beer he got from HIS faucets and we talked magical wards and respective versions of hell. Kanan wandered in needing a drink because his faucets are dispensing green milkshakes so I taught him in the ways of absinthe. You're all welcome. THen he was confused at Peter about Earth holidays and Daylight Savings Time. Hera wanted to know what the green sludge from her faucets is, and I bravely tested it to discover it was a milkshake, and also had to explain milkshakes and St. Patrick's Day. Last but not least, Verity stopped in to ask if something's wrong with the pipes. I said no, because everything was fucking fine by me, Kanan said his are running sludge -- it's a fucking milkshake, Jarrus, for fuck's sake -- and Hera wanted to know what Verity's faucets are doing.

That's it, now go away and leave me to be drunk and hungover in peace. Fuck off, Fandom, and go sleep it off.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, March 11th, 2017 11:41 am
talentforlying: (little bit of magic)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Morning, sunshines. Let's get you your gossip so I can go back to bed. Up at the school, Practical Diplomacy's torturous experience of the week is to deal with drunks at a diplomatic function while remaining totally sober. Fuck, no, that's not okay. Kids, I'm not saying the librarian has a stash, but I'm not saying the librarian doesn't have a stash.


Fuck you, I'm great with the students. No one said being a role model was part of it.

Discovering Earth was supposed to go to an artisan cheese festival, but thanks to Portalocity ended up in Gloucestershire at the cheese-rolling festival, and Driver's Ed practiced parking . . . by racing to the parking spaces. As one does. And my library was all dark red and 'kind of creepy' according to some scaredy-rodents, but Lucille didn't seem bothered in the slightest. Because she's got sense, most likely.

Meanwhile in town, At Groovy Tunes Dante was trying out some riffs with his guitar. Peter ended up arranging one corner of the shop with roses and music for some gremlins who seem to be having a romantic picnic at Covent Garden Flowers. Pretty new Hera's running the junkyard -- sorry, Syndulla's Scrap -- now, and wondering about some of the weird stuff in there, when Peridot arrived to go scavenging. After a few apprehensive moments -- most likely Dot being Dot -- Hera tried to help her figure out what components she needs to improve her solar-powered duck toaster. And that's why you've got the weird shite, love.

On the non-work side of things, Bucky was in his apartment having a beer and reading some birthday greetings from back home -- nice and low-key, mate. Happy returns and all that. Tony dropped by to give him a snazzy new phone as a present and also give him grief about being a hundred years old. I don't know if that means Tony was being an arse, or if Bucky's actually a hundred. Given Fandom... let's just go with 'yes.' Steve showed up with basically a giant sack of presents like a fucking Birthday Santa and a cake that probably had enough candles to set the building on fire...I was going to say the gossips are being melodramatic but apparently even Bucky even thought so, so for once they're accurate, and decided in the event of accidental arson that Steve gets to take all the blame. Seems fair.

That's your thrilling gossip for the day. John Constantine signing out, and remember, don't do anything I'd do.


WTFH Radio, Saturday

Saturday, March 4th, 2017 11:20 am
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Seriously? You dragged me here for this? Next time read your own damn notes.

Right then. School had Practical Diplomacy paired off for an exercise on lying, but diplomatically, which is called Politics. Discovering Earth met at the junkyard, where Hera was waiting to pilot to fly them all up in to space.


No, it's not 'spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!' I don't care how you write it.

In town, Peridot was at Stark Industries, trying to accommodate a customer's demand to build something compatible with the Nintendo Switch, but out of random old gaming console bits. Yeah, sorry mate, but that won't go your way. You're lucky she didn't make you a roboduck. And Dante couldn't convince the little blue guys to leave him alone and let him sleep through his shift at Groovy Tunes.

That's it, I'm out. Go back to sleep, Fandom, it's Saturday.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Isn't it a break? Couldn't you shits have gotten someone on vacation to do this for you?

*urgent chittering*

FINE. Just. Give me the fucking papers and let's get this over with. Morning, Fandom, it's Saturday and you know the drill.

People were actually doing shite in town today. Allie was behind the bar at the Devil's Nest, playing on her phone because nobody's around, Jenkins was at the park, feeding the flamingoes and telling them they're used as croquet mallets in some dimensions -- can we make the squirrels the balls? -- and Hera stopped to gawk at the flamingoes while carrying a load of stuff. Jenkins was startled to meet an alien -- you must be new, mate -- but took the time to ogle her anyway before they talk about both being fairly new to the island, and their impressions of it so far.

Now, for those actually enjoying decent fucking weather on the trip... It was their last full morning there. Oh, poor babies. Atton has no regrets at all about basically living at the pool all week, the lazy arse. Nathan enjoyed the sushi kayak at the pool even though he wondered about people getting cramps from eating and swimming. Kitty's into the sushi kayak too, and promised to make sure he won't drown even if he does get cramps. Also they hadn't met yet so they do that introduction thing. Ahsoka was enjoying the jacuzzi while Sparkle was out at Turtle Beach, lounging in a hammock with lunch. Good choice, Sparkle. And to round out the morning, Isabela was taking advantage of the sailing at the Main Beach.

There were some special trips for everyone's last night there, including a catamaran trip to Eustatia Island, where Cosette was taking pictures of the sunset from one of the hiking trails and Tali was enjoying the music at the Crocodile Pavillion.

That's it, I'm out. Fresh meat, welcome to Fandom, and welcome back you vacationing fucks.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
You got me out of bed for this? Seriously? I've got to chaperone teenagers tonight, I need my fucking beauty sleep.

John Constantine here, kids. Let's get this over with.

School had classes, shockingly. Practical Diplomacy practiced tailing targets and trying not to get tailed in an open-air market setting, Discovering Earth fucked-off to Rio de Janeiro for Carnival like sensible people, and Driver's Ed was street racing again, only this time using right turns and going around the block. Careful, kids, you might sprain something.

In town we had Dante futzing around with the acoustic guitar again at Groovy Tunes when Raven showed up, realized that he's not Jon, and there's awkward small talk before he asks if she's okay. At Stark Industries Peridot was hard at work trying to make improvements to her robo-duck. Why, Dottie? Let the poor thing Duck in peace.

Meanwhile in the dorms, Maria was manning the Valentine's Day ticket sales in the lobby.

That's it, now fuck off and go get ready for the party tonight.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
*sounds of microphone feedback and crashing*

Fuck me, I did not miss you little brutes. It's too early for this fuckery. Morning, Fandom. This is John Constantine, with your Saturday dose of unsavory gossip.

School was in session with Practical Diplomacy roleplayed situations in which they have to keep a straight face when dealing with someone who's being ridiculous. So, like teaching all you buggers. Discovering Earth was off to the San Diego Zoo. Remember kids, don't feed the animals. Lucille nodded off and dozed through most of her library shift, apparently, which, I can't blame her. I fall asleep in my office on the regular. And the StuCo met, with brownies, to discuss plans for the Valentine's Day dance.

Apparently town had a housewarning party going on for Raven and Kathy, who are officially moved into the apartment above Luke's. Suckers who showed up before party time got to help paint or assemble furniture. Alluka helped paint, and liked Raven's new plushie cactus while Kathy offered Alluka one of her old shirts to protect her from paint spatters. Ringo's there to help with furniture, but got foiled by evil IKEA assembly instructions -- sunshine, it's IKEA. They're incapable of being evil, they're just too bloody Lawful Good. There's a difference between evil and fucking confusing stick figures. Raven sympathized and Kathy was also confused at the terrible, terrible instructions

Kathy tried to sneak-paint-attack Raven, but that game got cut off quickly when both of them have their defensive instincts kick in a little too hard. Eliot shows up to help but Raven WILL NOT let him help in HER kitchen, dammit. The squirrels are strident about that, and I got no fucking clue why.


Nah, see, if someone wanted to do the work in my kitchen, more power to 'em. I'm a lazy asshole.

Kathy was struggling with changing the light fixtures, and Eliot helps her once he makes sure she didn't mean the fixtures were literally of the devil. Seriously, people, trust me. The lords of hell got better things to do. Anders tried to help with a bookshelf, but he didn't know where Dante was when Kathy asked.

There was also dinner, though the pot roast seemed to be an object of amusement. Alluka was disappointed at the lack of chocolate, and Ringo promised they can get some later on the way home. Kathy tries to get Alluka enthused about the red bean paste filling in the dessert instead -- fuck no, Alluka, hold out for chocolate -- and Ringo told Kathy she should get tribute or something for successfully assembling the damn chair:

Dinner didn't agree with Kathy, and Raven goes to check on her when she has to excuse herself from the table. But Eliot was sampling everything at the table, and Kathy fretting about whether the Korean food was too spicy; bollocks, a good heat is what makes Korean food good, and Anders was all about the bacon-wrapped potatoes and risotto, but Kathy tries to talk him into trying the bulgog. And luckily, Jalian made it in time for dinner:

That's it, Fandom. Now go enjoy a Saturday.

talentforlying: (little bit of magic)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Let's get this over with then. Morning, Fandom. This is John Constantine, with all your news that's unfit to print, so we broadcast it over the airwaves instead.

Over at the school, Practical Diplomacy covered ways to deal with stress -- mostly by hitting shite -- in preparation for tough negotiations. The squirrels insist that it's just an excuse for Anakin and Obi-Wan to annoy each other with Nerf bats. I don't think they're wrong.

*squirrel cheers*

Look, don't get used to hearing me say that. Ever.

Discovering Earth went to the Grand Canyon to do a mule tour, though people who were afraid of heights could bow out and stay in the safety of a visitor center-thing instead. Driver's Ed got to street race today, though it's not a proper race until someone wipes out badly, and the library was behaving itself for Luce for once. Right on.

Looks like town was lively for once. Dante's experimented with an acoustic guitar at Groovy Tunes, Peridot was trying to create an 'automatic cleaning device' at Stark's with a little help from JARVIS reminding her about fatal-to-humans chemical reactions-- fucking hell, 'Dottie, just...don't deploy it in the library without checking with me for fuck's sake.

New resident Verity was at the Perk. Mike came in, and she offered to pay up on the coffee she owed him. Apparently she's sticking around for the next year or so, and the squirrels say there was flirting. Of course there was flirting. It's Mike, anyone with a pulse and eyes would flirt. Kitty introduced herself, and they commiserated about all the stairs on the island. Verity mentioned she was looking for a place to live, and Kitty helpfully filled her in on the island's apartment buildings. As an MCA resident, I can verify no one's blown the place up in at least a year, and the sound-proofing's great.

Kathy apparently was awake at fuck o'clock in the morning and watching cute animal videos in the living room, and Eliot went to check on her and keep her company, and helped her brainstorm ideas for getting a job in town. Then she had a-- panic attack of some kind? -- and he helped calm her down. Parker wanted to know if Kathy wants fortune cookies for breakfast and if she's feeling physically okay, and the answers were 'no' and 'yes'. Raven showed up by landing on the roof in bird form then shifted back to sit and watch the sun rise. Parker was already up there, and offered her some fortune cookies. They discussed Raven's shapeshifting, and Parker was entertained by Raven's impressions of Eliot and Hardison.

Over at Octavian's place, Peter has beer and pretzels for when Kanan showed up for -- what the squirrels assure me -- was a literal Netflix and chill movie night, and not the euphemism. They ended up watching Chicken Run, which did not help any with Kanan's confusion about Earth animals. Mate, there is nothing NOT confusing about chickens.

That's it. This is John Constantine, signing off.
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Morning, Fandom. We're back again, and I'm hung over so let's get this done so I can fucking go back to sleep.

You kids had school today. Discovering Earth takes a trip to Antarctica, mostly by helicopter, but there's warm gear for when they're actually on the ground. Practical Diplomacy's exercise for the day involves trying to figure out how to handle the problem of a dictator refusing to step down after being deposed. I mean, just trick him into selling his soul, or call in a favor, that's all I'm saying. In the library everything was invisible when Lucille arrived in the morning, and she ends up falling asleep by the time everything starts fading back into view.

Meanwhile in town Dante's blasting punk rock and playing guitar at Groovy Tunes. Finally, someone with bloody taste on this goddamn rock. Peridot was working at Stark's and ends up building a robotic duck over at Stark Industries after she fails to get JARVIS to eat the loaf of bread she's been carrying around. I don't even want to know.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, we got fresh meat. Verity arrived in town via the causeway, with a gigantic Barbie Dream House and assorted suitcases, and realizes that carrying her luggage through Fandom is going to be a challenge. Yeah, the stairs are a bitch, love, welcome to the madhouse. Luckily Mike happens to be in the area and sympathizes with her on Fandom's lack of accessibility, before Verity takes him up on his offer of help by asking him to carry the Barbie Dream House on the trip over to the hotel.

And after her library shift, Lucille was in her room at the dorm, admiring her slightly wilted flowers and leaving a couple of books on Cassandra's bed. That's what I like about you, Lucille. Always offering a good book.

That's it, I'm out. This has been John Constantine and the Radio Squirrel Review, with all the news that's unfit to print.

*squirrlish cheers*
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Back again you fuzzy fucks? Right, let's get to business then.

Starting with the school, Lucille was at the library, dealing with the... infectious diseases plushes. She spent her shift going through a book and comparing them with the illustrations and the symptoms they caused. Why the hell not? It's what I'd do. Practical Diplomacy talked about negotiating roommate agreements, which is why I have my own flat. The walls might change color, but at least I don't have to share unless I want to. Discovering Earth took the kids back to Australia, and no one's dead yet, so score one for you lot. Driver's Ed learned about what's in the cockpit of a car. O'Conner demonstrated on a Bugatti, but the kids had to make do with Hondas. Mate, they do not pay us enough for Bugattis.

Meanwhile in town, things got busy once the sun started going down. And not in the fun way, apparently. Some stone out in the woods lit up, and the dead started showing up. Are you guys fucking serious?

*urgent chitters*

Fuck me. Pass the whiskey. Right then. Some cowboy-ish looking fellow -- going by Leroy's art skills -- named Kathy and they discussed racism and Fandom because why the hell not. Abigail Hobbs also came through, though she headed straight for Jon and Lecter's place to see Hannibal.

Faraday had Wellspring Arms open, and Billy showed up looking for Goodnight. That might win for weirdest thing I've said all broadcast. And Jalian came in for a new whetstone. Luckily for Allie, Devil's Nest was quiet, but Kitty had a full house at Caritas. Goodnight thought it sounded like a dying cat and he and Kitty discussed teaching and Fandom. Billy finally found Goodnight, and had to break the news he was only here for a weekend. Ah, it's one of those things, is it? Fucking rough, friend, my sympathies. And Faraday had 'sneakily' followed Billy, and had Kitty send them both drinks while he filled her in on the situation.

And finally, Leto found his father in the Preserve late, late into the evening. Fandom family reunions. Such a joy.

That's it, folks. I'll be in my apartment, with my booze and hopefully no more ghosts than the usual metaphorical ones. If you need a drink, Fandom, you know where to find me.

*angry chittering*

Uh, yeah, sure, adults only or something. Whatever keeps Zoe from killing me. John Constantine, signing off.

talentforlying: (magnificent bastard)
[personal profile] talentforlying
*clicking/static sounds*

--Fucking hell, you fuzzy perverts are back. What the hell? You came back in the middle of winter instead of road-trip for the year? You little shits really are gluttons for punishment.


No, I don't believe for a bloody moment you actually missed me. Now give me those notes so I can go the fuck back to sleep.

Right. It's Saturday, so this is John Constantine, and here's what the voyeurs saw yesterday. Don't blame me, blame the wildlife.

Friday apparently has three classes at school this semester, starting off a cheerful morning with Skywalker & Kenobi's Practical Diplomacy. You guys took popcorn to that, didn't you?

*frantic squeaking*

No, I don't want to know what 'fic' you wrote. Get over it.

Anyway, the kids had the figure out North Korea, with suggestions ranging from sanctions to aggressive negotiations to porn. I'm not even sure how that works, but sure, go wild. Discovering Earth with Jarrus and Lecter took their students to Austraila, a place where everything wants to kill you. So, not that much different from Fandom. And O'Conner is teaching Driver's Ed again. How the fuck does the school afford the insurance for all these kids behind the wheel? Of course, Lucille had the library open, where she thwarted the books' attempts to annoy her by ignoring them. Works for me, Lucy. Keep it up.

Town saw two of my aides working their other jobs -- I feel betrayed. Really. Peridot was comparing phones at Stark's while Rufus spent most of his Book Haven shift on his laptop. Groovy Tunes did not have a library aide working. Instead, Dante tried to convince the stereo not to play Nightcore covers. Jon, why the fuck are you even carrying any fucking nightcore? That's fucking bullshit.

That's all I have. Get used to the gossip, Fandom, they're back.

*squirrel cheers*

Yeah yeah, now pass me the whiskey you little--

talentforlying: (magnificent bastard)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Really? Really? You dragged me out of bed from the few, last, precious pieces of sleep before the semester starts, for this? Christ. Fine. Give me the damn notes.

*rustling papers*

Good morning, Fandom, and welcome back to Maryland. Welcome, new kids. I'm John Constantine, and this is all the news unfit to print from the gossip squirrel review.

*squirrel cheers*

...Right then. Lucille was the only one in the school, keeping the library open, since there weren't any classes. While she was holding down the fort, town actually had some things going on today. Hannibal made a phone call, and Sparkle showed up to ask how Hannibal's doing, and Hannibal says he's sorry about what happened. Over at Groovy Tunes, Dante had plans for the evening, so he was filling time at work sending stuff to people on his phone.
Dee decorated with roses at Caritas since Fandom decided to spritz on the rose scented perfume for her return to Earth, and Kitty stopped in to celebrate Fandom being where it was supposed to be again.

In the dorms, Alana was in her room, procrastinating leaving when Dante stopped by before work and noticed she's giving away her books, though she says she kept some. Alana tells him she's off to community college and how she should get to sleep. Well, you did survive Fandom High, sunshine, you earned a nap.

Anders was cleaning the room, and asked Dante about the tentacle porn he'd been sent -- probably while Dante was at work -- admitting to having threesome nerves and wanting to find out kinks...oh lord, I can see where this is going. Dante, you better have stocked up on the free condoms Dee and I had available, or I am retroactively failing you. Then Isabela shows up only wearing scarves and I'm betting we all know how that goes so I'm going to stop reading those notes, now.

That's it, Fandom, go enjoy the picnic. This is John Constantine, signing off.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Morning, Fandom. In case you haven't noticed, we've left civilization for fucking dinosaurs. Welcome to Dinotopia, kids, don't get eaten by anything.

Now at school, How to Win Friends had the class mingle to try and get candy from others, Throwing Shite ends in a pizza party -- no throwing of pizza, thank fuck, and Timeline Family Fun talked about things they might have missed covering. Meanwhile, Lucille was reading in the library and trying to ignore the books doing a choreographed dance.

Up in the dorms, Thorin was bored in the third floor common room and watching the Olympics. Lucille, shockingly, is not a sporting fan and ends up getting the remote from him to watch opera. You can watch opera on TV? Fuck, you learn something new every day.

And in town Dante was playing phone games at Groovy Tunes when Isabela stopped in with pizza and distraction and they made plans for later, discussing a both a private rendezvous and a beach blast. Seriously? Who the fuck wrote 'rendezvous' and 'beach blast' in to my notes. Fuck you. And at Stark Industries, Peridot spent the day working on a communicator she was programming into her screen.

That's it, folks. Please don't pet the dinosaurs.

talentforlying: (magnificent bastard)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Yes I'm fucking 'late' if you think time fucking matters on a fucking Saturday you damned fuzzy arseholes. Look, you try living in an apartment with mood ring walls and try having any fucking concept of time beyond 'stoned.'

Fandom, you've moved again, which means it's time for me to read the fucking gossip on the radio. Welcome to Londinium, which is making me homesick for actual London, and I'm John Constantine with all the news unfit to print.

Up at school, Influencing Friends had Bob and Kanan discussing the seven steps to a happy home life and-- no. No one listen to any shite Bob tries to sell you on romance novels. Just don't. In Fun with Family Timelines, Ben and Obi-Wan discuss what to do if you come to the realization that you actually like the Fandom version of somebody from home more than you like the actual somebody from home. I'll give you a hint: don't fucking tell and give them both the same thing for their birthday. Lucille was feeling a bit uneasy in the library, but settling down with a book on 19th century art helped settle her nerves. Lucy, if Special Collections is giving off creepy vibes again, leave me a note. I'll deal with it.

Now in town, we've got the Drinking Games class at the Community Centre doing beer pong in homage to the Olympics. That's a sport I could get behind. Dante did his shift at Groovy Tunes before meeting up with Ringo in the abadonded warehouse district for a sparring match. And...Leroy drew me some pictures I think and I don't know what's going on here. Ringo, sunshine, it looks like you're wearing rollerblades on steroids, and Dante has a big stick?

*indignant squirrel chitters*

Sword. Right. Fine. Remember your safewords, kids.

And last but not least, New-Peter was having a restless night of not sleeping in MCA -2. Welcome to the gossip channel, New-Peter. I'm in MCA -5 if you need a nightcap.

That's it, folks. I'm going in to Londinium for a drink. Try not to do anything I'd do.


[OOC: This radio brought to you late by the fact I've been inhaling paint fumes since last night and legit did not know what day it was. I'M SORRY.]
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
How the fucking hell is it August? WHY is it August? Who thought August was a good idea in general? Moring, Fandom, this is John Constantine, and we are yet again parked underneath a sun that wants to kill us. Fun. Welcome to to Rirhath B.

Now up at the school, How to Win Friends talked about how to win people to your way of thinking. Gratuity saw that Kanan still has his dog, who he's currently calling Dog, and how easy it is to end up with a pet but how hard it can be to name them. And this is why we don't impulsively get pets, or babies. Names, people. Names are important. Throwing Things celebrated the Olympics -- it's already Olympics times? Christ -- with track and field throwing events. So You Just Met Your Relative From the Future discussed dopplegangers, and what to do if you met them. Did you mention holy water? Look, sometimes it's smart just to check and make sure they aren't demonic. Just saying. And over in the Lucille's in a bad mood but reading chapters from her favorite books.

Over in the dorms, Cassandra was in the fourth floor common space, trying to clean her armor after visiting the Rainbows R Us planet. Lucille hoped that the armor's not ruined, and they discussed Lucille's weeklong moth "dream" and what Anders is up to. Peridot offered to help Cassandra and somehow pulled the rainbow dust out of the armor, which left the question of what to with the stuff. Lucille offers a good morning and confuses Peridot some and they introduce themselves, which lead to confusion on how Peridot's a gem. Also Lucille brings up jewelry and gem harvesting...right. I'm sure that went well. And just outside the dorms, Jalian got showered by rainbow dust. Guess we just found out how Peridot got rid of the shite from Cassandra's armor!

Last but not least, some people braved town under the provided sunlight shield. Dante was in need of distraction at Groovy Tunes, so he wandered around the stacks, blasted music, and took a break to wander around town with his phone for an hour. For fuck's sake, kid, lay off the coffee and get some weed if you're that twitchy. At Stark Industries, Peridot was distracted, to the point that her toaster repairs were lighting bread on fire. Uh, that's a little too fixed, Perri. Toast should be crispy, not a crisp. And since we're finally on a planet where the sun fucking sets, Allie was able to work at Devil's Nest, which, happily, meant that Tiny wasn't running the show tonight, and Peter stopped in to say hello.

That's all I got, Fandom. Go forth, have fun, don't fall into any worldgates.
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
I fucking hate everything, and yes, Leroy, that includes you. Constantine here, Fandom, with all you news that's unfit for print.

In case you somehow fucking missed it, we're no longer in the Land of Cheese. Instead, we're in a Maryland where the gods-damned sun won't stop screaming. I've placed a silence ward around the radio station and my apartment, and if you want one, we can work out payment.

In town people dealt with the screaming monstrosity as best they could. At Groovy Tunes Dante dealt with the screaming sun by drowning it out with as much loud music as possible. At Stark Industries, Peridot was thrilled when a group of gremlins came in and returned her missing foot. My notes say there may have been hugs, but no squirrel is willing to confirm it. Covent Garden Flowers got a delivery while Peter was tending to the flowers...mate, that's usually the cue that you're in charge now. The island isn't subtle. Allie had to stay home from Devil's Nest due to the screaming sun, so Tiny and the DJ, and I quote, 'par-TAYED.'

Leroy, you're fired.

Apparently Pinkie is back in town! Checking things out and screaming back at the sun, and then she saw the Discord statue in the park and actually fucking swore. We know the feeling, Pinkie. Trust us, we know. Jon and Hannibal also portaled back to town, only to hear the sun and nope the fuck out, only stopping long enough to grab the pets.

It was kept simple up at the school because of the fucking screaming sun. How to Make Friends talked about how to make people like you, like by Bob sealing off the area so that no screaming got in. Bob, pop on over, I've got a spell that will allow air in and just keep sound out. Modified privacy spell, no risk of suffocating your students. Throwing Things moved on to baseballs this week, and Future Family Timeline Fun talked about the difficulties in Parents Weekend while Ben wondered if Obi-wan is finding this a little familiar.

That's it, Fandom. I'm going home now to drink heavily and ignore that monstrosity in the sky. I suggest you all do the same.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Oh for fuck's sake, what does a bloke have to do to sleep in on a fucking Saturday morning? Let's make this fast. At the school, How to Win People and Influence Friends had a hungover Kanan -- I feel you, mate -- and Bob describe how to handle people... the notes assure me it was Not Diry, as in getting people to open up to you -- not dirty -- you goddamn furry voyeurs have one-track minds. Students listened and observed, or "handled" their teachers very not dirty and people paired up to talk. Like Tip and Lucille, who tried to find out each others' taste in books, music, and dancing.

Speaking of Lucy, she had an easy day in the library for once as the books were cooperating for some reason. That usually means they're plotting something, love.

Fred was in a Mood during Throwing Things, so he demonstrated how to throw grenades and blow things up in the Danger Shop. Nice one, mate. Isabela, at least, got in the spirit and blew stuff up. In Timeline Family Fun, Obi-Wan was out this week, so Ben led a discussion on how you presented yourself and how other people might describe you. Ahsoka's answer led to her telling Ben a story about his own grandfather. And that, kids, is why I teach Sex Ed. Less messy, believe it or not.

Kanan was dealing with a hangover by having office hours -- mate, it doesn't work that way, they just make you want to drink more -- that he managed to turn into meditation. Bob stopped by to taunt Kanan about his hangover -- Bob, stop being a jealous nag. You're just annoyed he didn't invite you along for the drinking -- and they complained about Fandom transformations and magic powers.

In town there was apparently a class on Drinking Games and now I need to sign up for that class. Archer taught the group how to play I Never, even if he had trouble coming up with something he'd never done.

Dante was having a good day at Groovy Tunes playing with guitars and Jon showed up and tried to help Dante with his guitar selection. Peridot spent her day at Stark Industries trying to develop a tracker to help her find her missing foot, with little success. Tip stopped in to have Peridot fix her Boov gun, but was immediately sidetracked by the whole "missing foot" thing. That doesn't happen to everyone, after all.

Some bloke named Peter appeared suddenly, dazed and bloody in the middle of the street. Sucks to be you, mate. Welcome to Fandom. Sparkle spotted him and helped him up, and got him toward the hotel to get a room.

And last but not least, Hannibal surprised Jon with a birthday trip to Sweden that he had already packed for. Happy birthday, Jon. I woulda taken you to get shitfaced, but Sweden's got cute skiers.

That's it, I'm out of here. Have a good weekend, Fandom.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Right, let's get down to business, because I need to get back to the library. Morning, Fandom, it's John Constantine with your 'What the FUCK, Fandom?' update. If you can hear this -- because I wouldn't put it past that fucker to mess with the radio waves -- get your asses down to the library. We need some people to go on an Element hunt.

So yesterday in the dorms, How to Win Friends and Influence People was canceled, Throwing Things had introductions, with throwing their voices, apparently, and there were puppets. So You've Met Your Relative from the Future let everyone go home or to the library, but Val's there, so Ahsoka talked to Ben about his pony daughter.

A dragon-y Lucille opened the library even though she was covered in chocolate milk and candy rain. Thorin came in as a, and I quote, "FREAKING ADORABLE tiny itty bitty dragon," and they were both grumpy because neither of them wants to be a dragon. At least that's better than the poor fuckers stuck as ponies?

Our intrepid researchers got to work. Tali found something about the Elements of Harmony, and Obi-wan wondered if anyone has Pinkie's number. Karla was surprised Tali can read it and took notes.

In the dorms, pony-shaped Roscoe is in the fifth floor common room, trying to save his phone from being doused in chocolate milk rain.

Meanwhile in town, Pony-Dante was having a trying day at Groovy Tunes, where things kept trying to comedically kill him. He dodged pies, anvils, and fought radios. Sounds like shit.

Then there was the bullshit in the park, where Discord held his own coronation ceremony while playing various parts himself. He speechified, as his type is prone to do, and a few of you idiots tried to attack him. He's a chaos-magic creature, and take it from another chaos-user, that never ends well. Tip was one of them, firing at him with her Boov gun, which only turned the stage blue. So Discord turned her from a pony into an orange, and Roscoe helped roll her out of the way. Karla tried to badass him with magic and stabbing, but Discord shrugged everything off and offered to let her co-rule before she tried the stabbing. Love, I understand the impulse, but he's like fucking Shivering Jemmy. Trying to punch that one is like trying to immortalize a soap bubble.

That's it, Fandom. Get your bloody asses out there, and let's get this bastard gone.
talentforlying: (can't clean me up for polite company)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Fuck...you little fuzzy bastards, you followed me to fucking Baltimore? I'm still fucking drunk and that bed is warm, why the fuck couldn't you find someone else to do your fucking gossip session?


Shut the fuck up, Leroy, I didn't ask for your commentary on my personal life choices. John Constantine, here for the fucking radio, broadcasting from a scenic fucking Baltimore motel, where these stalkers followed me. Let's make this quick.

At the school, How to Win Friends and Influence People talks about the book they're using, and the kids introduce themselves with what they want from the class. Obi-Wan taught alone today, minus his co-teacher, with So You Just Met a Relative from the Future, explaining the class and making the kids do more introductions.

And in town, Dante was in a good mood at Groovy Tunes, and decided to keep that up by distracting himself at work. Good choice, mate, gold star, and now I am going back to bed and you bloody arseholes need to get out of my bathroom.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Seriously? You got me up for this? Morning, Fandom, it's John Constantine and the fucking fuzzy bastards, here at a bloody unholy hour of the morning to bring you all the gossip you can't be arsed to dig up on your own.

Over in the campgrounds at Strifenova Celestial, Ringo was wearing some sort of abomination of pant-shorts and putting her ATs on for a ride.

Things were a little more lively in town. At Groovy Tunes, Dante tried to deal with some excess energy by blasting Europop dance remixes and doing some work. His best intentions were interrupted when Ringo showed up to antagonize Dante by wearing horrible pants, then he caught her up on Anders' return to Fandom. Sorry, Ringo, the squirrels seem offended by your fashion choices for some fucking reason. Nothing personal. At Stark's, a Canadian customer dropped off a box of electronics that seemed to be covered in syrup, much to Peridot's frustration as she had to clean up the mess. The Perk had Jaina as witness to the baristas being really secretive with a whispered conversation, but wasn't able to figure out what was being said. And at Devil's Nest, Allie didn't recognize the song the DJ was playing, so Tiny was thrilled to tell her everything about Founding Father-based hip hop musicals. Anything that thrills Tiny is probably not good for your sanity. Don't do it, Allie.

That's it, I'm out Fandom. And remember, don't do anything you don't want everyone to hear about on the radio.
talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Morning, Fandom. Constantine here, and in case you hadn't noticed, we aren't in Kansas -- or Concordia -- anymore. Our current stop is Eternia. The fuck kind of name is that? I'd rather we'd stayed at fucking Moxxi's.

Anyway. Up at the school, because we don't let you hooligans have a proper summer holiday, there were classes. Supervillainy and You made grudge lists, which seems quite a high school thing to do. Fun with Magic had a movie day, and Fun with Timelines talked about bringing people back to your home and the awkward that can happen. Lucille dealt with the absence of sound in the library, which is worse than them being little rats.

Not much more was going on in town. Hannibal was cooking and listening to music at home when Sparkle showed up to check in on him and say he might be leaving for a while. Dante showed up for his first day of work at Groovy Tunes with a new haircut and some aggrotech on the music system. Jon, give that kid some decent punk, will you? For fuck's sake. Peridot spent her shift at Stark's continuing to overdo repairs a little while trying to work out possible designs for Tony's armor. And at Luke's they had to deal with Parker watching the freezer intently, which made the staff watch both her and the freezer intently, just in case something jumped out. Because that's how Fandom rolls.

That's it, I'm out. Time to see if fucking Eternia has decent beer.

talentforlying: (Uncle John has work to do)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Oh for fuck's sake, really? Really? I had a late morning, you can't let a bloke sleep in? It's John Constantine, and the Saturday Morning Radio Squirrel Review.

Starting with school to make you all happy it's Saturday... Supervillainy and You watched the Bachelor. The squirrels say it has something to do with 'Chad' but I dunno who the fuck Chad is. Fun with Magic played a game where people got hit with bats -- real flying bats or cricket bats or -- nevermind. So You Just Met Your Relative tried to prepare the kids for those soaps weekends that happen by throwing dramatic events at them to play out. If you just gave the island ideas, I'll kill you both myself.

Up at the dorms, Gratuity did some drawing/doodling out on the deck, and Dante joked about her about being bored and asked about her drawings, which she sends home to her friend as letters.

Now, for those of you who didn't notice, once again Fandom moved. We left Mobius and are now parked at, I quote, 'at the best forest moon in the entire galaxy, Endor.' The rest of this particular note is written in something I can't actually read, so I'm going to take it as a indicator that our intrepid reporters went and got smashed with the locals.

At Book Haven, Rufus got frustrated that all of the books he tried to read decided to be complete nonsense. Welcome to Fandom, I don't suggest the library if you hate nonsense. Peridot stopped in and they discussed a strategy to help Peridot repair her screen: getting a job at Stark's. Once Rufus walked her through the process of that, he showed her to the dictionaries.

And at Devil's Nest, Allie seemed anxious for her shift to end so she could explore, but she managed to Candy Crush the time away.

I'm out, Fandom. Don't fall out of any trees.
talentforlying: (little bit of magic)
[personal profile] talentforlying
*radio feedback*

Fandom, I'm still hungover from our last stop, so let's make this fast...wait, why are there stacks of notes? No, wait, I don't want to know, but I'm sure I'm going to find out.

Today in the school, Supervillainy and You was cancelled for the holiday weekend. Right on, Fred. I knew there was a reason I liked you. Fun with Magic got to fly through a hedge maze, and So You've Met Your Relative talked about meeting your doppelganger. That's something that happens around here, kids. Get used to the idea.

You might have also noticed the island moved. Fuck, it did? Fuck me, I liked that bar. Rufus was working at Book Haven and wasn't thrilled to put away yet another new shipment of books. Hate to tell you this, mate, but that's rather the job, innit? Up at the Arms Hotel, Gunther was rebelling against Mary's extra pillowcase obsession by wearing pillowcase as a mask and made a pillowcase dress for Mary. The notes indicate that even the squirrels are concerned for the staff of the Arms Hotel, and...I don't think I can argue with that.

Meanwhile our illustrious mayor Tamsin had smuggled a bunch of booze out of Milliway's, and used it to throw a Fandom Beach Party. People arrived and mingled, as happens at these things.

Kanan showed up shirtless and Jalian decided to stare appreciatively and noted that he looked good. They talked a bit about their home worlds and Kanan checked if she was a member of a race from his galaxy. She was not. Obi-Wan checked in to make sure Kanan was doing cool on the island. Obi-Wan set up several jinxes about Fandom's travels and assured Kanan that the Troopers were cool.

Jon brought a guitar, because of course he did. Have you people met the man? While he was playing it, Jalian walked up and they 'stared at each other.' Probably a psychic conversation or something-- not that we'd know, since thank fuck the squirrels aren't psychic too.

*angry chittering*

No, I'm not apologizing. You fucks already see too much.

Hannibal and Jon discussed the possibility of putting on a show, and discussed writing new music for it, because Jon's a nerd. Jalian and Lucille discussed their respective clothing and whether each other had ever dressed in a manner slightly more reflective of the other's style. Knowing Lucy, I'm going to guess 'no.' Hannibal asked Lucille if she had ever spent much time at the beach, which led to them discussing the moors of Lucille's home. You know what's on the moors? Heather, heather, and more damn heather. And peat. That's what the moors are made of. Hannibal and Eliot also discussed fashion, and it was established that Eliot had worn a suit much more recently than Hannibal had worn jeans. This is my shocked face. Really. Thorin and Lucille - who were both fully clothed and thus missing the point of a beach party - discussed the party and Thorin's magic class.

This being a Fandom shindig, there was food and drink to consume. Eliot judged the massive plate of food Kanan had filled a little, getting them to talking about food from Kanan's galaxy, and Eliot promised to try to get some of that. Eliot and Vic were giving each other shit about their respective food and beer choices.

There was plenty of hang out stuff to be done on the beach. Jon was still playing guitar, so Lucille came by to escape the crowds. He then introduced her to the idea of playing a keyboard. Dante stopped over and started sniping with Jon at each other's choices in music. Kids these days, no appreciation for art.

Because it's Fandom in Summer, Dante was shirtless and Lucille gawked at him until she figured out that he knew she was watching. Lucille gawked at a shirtless Ezra, too, but he flirted with her instead of scaring her off.

The adults actually used the chairs and tables to sit around. Wash was eating a burger in a real chair when Kanan stopped by and they talked about space food. Tamsin was overseeing things from her spot, and Vic asked Tamsin if anything needed to be done about the crocodiles. We have crocodiles?

*Animated squirrel chittering*

Okay. We have crocodiles, but no, we don't need to do anything, it was just a paperwork thing that needed to be sorted out. Then, of course, the ladies started snarking about Ralph. And Mike joked with Tamsin about food and candy before she suggested that he remove his shirt, which he did.

And that's all the notes, Fandom. This is John Constantine and the Radio Squirrel Review. And remember, don't do anything you don't have the bail money for.

talentforlying: (we all sell our souls sooner or later)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Alright, Fandom, let's get this cracking. It's the weekend, I have drinking to do and cigarettes to buy. In case you all missed it, Fandom left Nos Astra yesterday to park at the parking lot of the restaurant at the end of the universe. Pity.

Up at the school, there were classes. Shocking, I know. Supervillainy and you talked personal branding. Which is a thing that happens, apparently. Students had to choose a new look and then explain it to the class. Fun with Magic used the Danger Shop to pretend to be in an English garden, singing in order to find a stone. I hope you were all on tune, you poor bastards. Future Family Funtimes talks about knowing something that's going to happen in your relative's future, and whether or not you should tell them. It's a fucking free will question, isn't it? Do they or don't they have the right to know, and does that outweigh the right of everyone else to NOT have them fuck up your future? And in the library, Lucille did not put up with the books reshelving themselves behind her. Good girl.

Over in the dorms In the fifth floor common room, Ringo tried to figure out how to fix her drone. Dante called it a spy-cam and is not budging on that, and Ringo tries asking about where Anders is, but Dante says he's happy to not have to put a sock on the door right now.

Meanwhile in town, Allie was back at work at The Devil's Nest after having spent the previous two weeks as a vampire bat. That sucks. And at Caritas they had a new drummer in the zombie band, and he was playing LOUDLY. The other zombies picked up the pace, too, so everything was loud and Dee resorted to earplugs.

That's about it. Stay safe out there, Fandom.

[OOC: Dear Self from This Morning: HELPS IF YOU HIT POST. No love, Self from right now.]
talentforlying: (throw the dice)
[personal profile] talentforlying
*microphone feedback*

Fuck this. Morning, Fandom, and welcome to some place called 'Illium' according to my notes. This is John Constantine and the Fuzzy Voyeurs--

*angry chittering*

You are too. New kids, if no one's told you yet, the squirrels see all and they bring it to the radio station for fucking gossip. I'm all the news that's unfit to print, and here we go:

It was the last day of the first week of Schoo and Supervillainy and You! met, with Fred talking about his time as the supervillain Boomerang. Really, Fred? The Spandex got you? For fuck's sake, man, that stuff is toxic. Of course there were introductions and the kids picked code names. Kids, being a 'professional' hero or villain decreases your life expectancy, and worse, spandex chafes, don't do it. Go for liver damage instead, at least your insurance covers that. Bob is disappointed in the small class for Fun with Magic, but they just do introductions with the things they can do. So-- wait, this is a real class? Fuck me. So You Just Met Your Relative From the Future has Ben and Obi-wan going over how much fun family trees can be at Fandom, and students introduce themselves with a scenario in which they would not want to meet a relative from the future.

Over in the dorms, Lucille had Cassandra over for tea and a book club, and the girls are starting with Emily Dickinson. Lucy, you might be the most library-library aide I got. Gratuity took over the 4th floor CR TV for MTV and junk food, a sensible reaction to your first week, but does MTV even play music anymore?

On to town, then. As I mentioned before, Fandom vanished from Azeroth to appear in the skies of Illium, where it docked with a skyscraper in Nos Astra. Tali and Ada both went to check out the city. Tali got to introduce Ada to a version of her universe and Ada got to ponder stealing a sky car. Have fun, kids, don't call me for bail.

At Fast Eddie's, Tony and Steve played some pool and joke about Steve's home time period. Rufus opened up Book Haven for his first shift, which meant that he let Dark Nation check out the stacks -- the fuck is a 'Dark Nation?'

*squirrel chitters*

A dog? Seriously? Mate, lay off the emo bands for a bit, yeah? Anyway, Rufus let 'Dark Nation' play in the stacks a bit before he ducked into them to do some reading too. Jones was back in Fandom at the Perk, exploring its new surroundings and, eventually, doing some people watching with a cup of tea. Dee whipped up some space-themed cocktails at Caritas while arguing with Tino about whether or not she actually worked there. And over at Luke's some of the staff was superstitious about Friday the 13th. This wasn't helped by Parker popping up on them to scare them.

That's all I got, Fandom. Welcome to the madhouse, new kids, good job surviving your first week.


WTFH, Saturday, May 7th

Saturday, May 7th, 2016 07:45 am
talentforlying: (little bit of magic)
[personal profile] talentforlying
*radio static*

The fuck? Seriously? You dragged me out of bed for this?

Morning, Fandom. It's Constantine and the Fuzzy Menaces, come to report on the THREE BITS OF NEWS before I go the fuck back to sleep and ignore all the new kids arriving.

As you may have noticed if you looked out a window, yesterday the island decided it was done with Candyworld. It did the dimensional shuffle, and now we're apparently docked in the harbor outside the city of Stormwind. At least it's a city.

In the Preserve, Dipper, Jones, and Vic suddenly erupted from a pile of peanut brittle and figured out that they'd been in there for months before going their own ways. That's... mildly disgusting. Mabel and Wiggles found Dipper in the woods and caught him up on what he missed. Meaning the whole semester.

And that's it, Fandom. Go traumatize the fresh-meat.

talentforlying: (little bit of magic)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Looks like it was a quiet day on Fandom, and it's about damn time. Happy graduation day for those of you that played the game of the public school system long enough to get a scrap of paper, it's Saturday, and this is WTFH radio.

Up at the dorms, Ringo burst into Kathy and Raven's old room to find nobody there. She took ice cream from the mini-fridge and was considering taking out the trash when Dante spotted her in the room and yelled at her to get out and close the door. Ringo refused, as she was creating a plan to pack everything up for Kathy and Raven in case they returned.

Optimism is the province of the young.

In town, Mary up at the Arms Hotel was sighing over how Gunther assembled candy baskets for guest rooms instead of fruit baskets, because local ingredients. Can't really argue with the man, Mary. That local-sourced shite is big.

Eliot stopped at the Perk after going out running with Val, who also got treats from the barista. Ringo's riding her ATs slowly down the street and into the store, and is distracted enough that she almost bumps into Eliot's table. She apologized, then awkwardly asks for his advice on what to do with packing Kathy's things for safekeeping. Eliot volunteers his attic as storage space. Kitty stopped in to check up him, and is still feeling guilty about last week. She says she's available for Hardison to talk to if he needs it. For fuck's sake, Hardison, they were mind-control bugs.

Over at Hannibal's house, Hannibal hung out in his sauna with Jon-the-snake, rather annoyed that Jon was still a snake. So annoyed, he threatened to let one of the cats in to play -- which seems like a terrible idea -- but instead Hannibal started stroking Snake-Jon's head in a way that I'm not sure I'm comfortable talking about on-air -- look, Jon, you're my best mate you do you, but really -- but fortunately Jon suddenly turned back into himself.

That's it, kids. Try to survive your families today. This is John Constantine and the Radio Squirrel Review, signing off.

talentforlying: (like ashes falling down)
[personal profile] talentforlying
*rustling of papers*

Fucking hell, it's so early the sun isn't even out yet, you fuzzy wankers. Lookit that storm cloud moving in. Let's get this done before it rains, and I can go back to bed. Morning, Fandom. John Constantine here, with all the gossip disguised as news you could possibly want.

Today at school, For their final, Defending Yourself Against Magic did exactly what was advertised on the package: defended themselves in a city against magic. The suckers in American History got an actual test -- Steve, no, don't be That Teacher, and Driver's Ed got to drive -- fly? -- space ships. Meanwhile, Lucille had to put up with the books reading aloud to themselves at the library. Later on last night, Alluka and Mabel decided to return to school and... give Locker 327 a pie? Pie tribute accepted, the locker then manifested a portal, and the girls decided to 'go on an adventure.'

...Kids, do not touch portals. Do not touch portals manifested by lockers that EAT THINGS. Just doesn't seem like a wise decision, is all I'm saying.

Elsewhere in town, Local newlyweds Kitty and Clint get to have a discussion about how Clint told their possible-future offspring that she might be born soon. Mate, no. Just... no. I don't think my sister got any sleep for the first six years after Gemma was born, I don't recommend them.

Jon and Hannibal spent some time planning out their summer workshops, at least until some back pain seemed to lead directly into Jon turning into a snake. Really, Jon? A snake? Parker was nowhere to be seen at Luke's, which made the staff paranoid and jumpy. Aren't they always paranoid and jumpy? Down at the Devil's Nest Allie was reading behind the bar when Fred -- hey, Fred -- cames in to order the third finest beer they have as a reward for teaching a semester without any disasters. Not the finest beer? Fred, I think you're breaking my heart. They talked about what kind of class he taught and what kinds of Fandom weirdness he's had to deal with already.

Sparkle got a video message of some sort from Raven and Kathy, and turned to drinking and lighting some cards on fire until Minako called and they made plans for him to visit her. Bad call then, I'm guessing. Hardison and Eliot got the same call, so Hardison stopped by to hang out with Eliot and try to process it. Zoe also got the call, as did Anders, who dealt with it by going out to the preserve to get away from people.

In the dorms, Dante got the same message from the girls, as did Ringo, who showed up wanting some of his drink. Instead they opted to skip off and find a bar where they could get drunk and maybe find a fight. Ezra finally checked his messages, and was upset enough that he decided to start packing, which was interrupted by a visit from Lucille and a text from Dante.

...that's all I got. Looks like the sky is getting darker, Fandom. This is John Constantine, signing off for the day.

talentforlying: (little bit of magic)
[personal profile] talentforlying
So this is why I didn't have to chaperone last night? Because I have to read the notes? Fine fine, let's get this over with.

The school was pretty calm today, probably since all the upperclassmen were focused on prom. Advanced Driver's Ed raced some big rigs, Defending Yourself Against Magic got to tell Bob what else they want to learn since their final is coming up, and 20th Century American History talked about the 70's, and why Nixon was the worst. He was the worst, kids, trust me.

Prom? Prom. With a Viking theme . . . and glitter, of course. Obviously.

Everybody arrived to be greeted by a whole lot of cardboard Fabio cutouts wearing Viking helmets, because this is Fandom. Cue the inevitable "horny" joke from Dante, who's Alana's date. Per their discussion, Fabio does not seem to be their type. Smart kids. Cassandra goes "ugh," and Face points out it could have been an Orlesian theme. Apparently Cassie is all worried that she's too severe for him at events like this. Say it with me, squirrels. Awwwwww....

*squirrel-ish awwwws*

Close enough. Lucille and Cassandra discuss the decor. They are not exactly favorable about it, but this leads into discussion about how Lucille could play the piano for Cassandra and Face sometime. Thorin is offended by the glitter -- get used to it, squire -- and Lucille greets him. They at least agree the music is acceptable before their small talk starts getting snippy. Claws in, kids, prom is where you do covert social backstabbing, not overt squabbling. Eggsy approves of Ride of the Valkyries but thinks Viking romance would be bloodier. Mara, who is totally not spinning in her dress really -- why do you squirrels put these things in the notes? -- suggests maybe that'll happen after prom court is announced. Not a bad guess, Mara.

Ada's all glittery and was enjoying herself. Dante appreciated the amount of effort she went to, and they made plans for a dance later in the evening, possibly knocking out and abducting the DJ if he didn't quit playing slow songs. Kids after my own heart. Isabela felt Ada had her outglittered, and there was flirting and plans to dance. Raven and Jalian show up in matching blue and white outfits, and they're not sure about the music being romantic. Jalian said she's better at battles than romance, but she's definitely up for practicing with Raven. Dancing, that is.

People could get photographs taken with backdrops of Viking-themed romance covers or ships, and there was food, of course, and punch. Frank just went for his own booze when he finds out the punch isn't spiked. Frank, you broke the High School Code. The first to drink the punch has to spike the punch.

And then there was dancing. Raven and Jalian hit the dance floor, and Jalian demonstrated how dancing reminds her of battle. Raven also explained to her about the Vikings, a little bit.

There were the usual shadowy corners, and the chaperones were there to keep everything under control. Atton wondered why he always agrees to do this, and Parker suggested the island makes him. Eliot and Hardison were bickering like little old married ladies about each other's outfits before providing a terrible example to the students. and Parker was messing with Eliot's hair, too. Parker thinks the decor is like the inside of a snow globe -- you're not wrong, Parker -- but Hardison's looking at her, not the decor. Also wanting to know why Fabio is staring at him. Because Fabio has no soul, Hardison. No. Soul.

Then it was what all you kids were waiting for: Zoe announced prom court: Cassandra, Isabela, Thorin, Anders, Face, and Raven.

Raven reacted by squealing, and 'smoochies' with Jalian, then she and Face danced as king and queen.

Cassandra was annoyed and Thorin was confused, they decided it is a silly custom so they agreed to dance together to get it over with. Isabela asked Cassandra to dance but got turned down. Cold, Cassie. Ada catcalled Isabela when she got her crown, though, so she's got at least one fan.

And the night ended at the dorms with Dante and Alana going back to his room.

That's all the notes I got, so until next week, Fandom. Don't do anything I'd do.

talentforlying: (Uncle John has work to do)
[personal profile] talentforlying
Morning, Fandom. It's Saturday -- again -- and thus time for me, John Constantine, and the Radio Squirrel Review. All the gossip you never needed to know, brought to you by the nosiest rodents in the history of creation.

*squirrel cheers*

Right then. At the school Advanced Driver's Ed drove...kiddie Barbie jeeps. Those the little plastic....? Huh, well, at least they'd fit on Fandom's streets, yeah? Defense Against Dark Magic practiced helping people in the middle of a battle, and American History talked about the Cold War and the 1950's. Fuck, the only good thing that happened in England in the fifties was the end of rationing, and I think that's when fish fingers were invented. And in the library, Lucille was having a quiet day, so she got her geography on by studying an atlas.

Let's see... nothin' for the town, all adults with sense were probably laying low in case the island decided to pull some April Fool prank, most likely.

So off to the dorms, where there was a party in Room 508: Kathy was having some issues in a video game when she got a call asking her to come home for the weekend, so she started packing. Raven heard about Kathy's trip home, so they made plans to visit LA and New York together in the near future before getting into some East versus West Coast posturing. It's still the States, girls, calm down. It's not, like, Ireland versus England. Kathy was also texting with Dante, discussing booze and orgies before he showed up to drink her booze. She joined in with the shot-drinking and quizzed him on who he wouldn't have an orgy with.

--Is this all an April Fool joke? No? You actually read their text messages? You lot ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Remember kids, nothing is safe from squirrel eyes.

Anders stopped in to ask Kathy out for dinner only to find out about her trip home and to joke about their sex life. Alluka stopped by, and Kathy invited her and some toys to an impromptu tea party, and then Ringo popped on over to ask Kathy out for cheesecake before she headed out and they talked about cool politicians. There are no cool policians, love. They've all sold their souls to one faction or another. And last but not least, Ezra wandered on over to say hello.

That's it on my end. John Constantine with all the news unfit for print, and remember, the squirrels are spying on your phones.


Fandom High RPG

About the Game

---       Master Game Index
---       Thinking of Joining?
---       Application Information
---       Existing Character Directory

In-Character Comms

School and Grounds
---       Fandom High School
---       Staff Lounge
---       TA Lounge
---       Student Dorms

Around the Island
---       Fandom Town
---       Fandom Clinic

---       Radio News Recaps
---       Student Newspaper
---       IC Social Media Posts

Off-Island Travel
---       FH Trips

Once Upon a Time...
---       FH Wishverse AU

Out-of-Character Comms

---       Main OOC Comm
---       Plot Development
---       OOC-but-IC Fun


Fandom High is a not-for-profit text-based game/group writing exercise, featuring fictional characters and settings from a variety of creators, used without permission but for entertainment purposes only.