WTFH

"Hello, Fandom. I'm Vala Mal Doran and I'll be your broadcaster this evening. As a word of warning, if one more [microphone feedback] squirrel shows up with a ream of paper covered in almost illegible notes, I'm going to start shooting."

*sounds of skittering, then a gun safety being released*

"I wasn't kidding."

( Beware the squirrels, for they are writing everything down. And I do mean everything. Stupid squirrels. )

"That's everything, unless I forgot something. And if I did, feel free to look through the notes on the floor of the radio station until you find what you're looking for. If you don't want to do that, then you can do the broadcast next time. Thanks again to my unnamed special reporter. I'm going to get a drink. Night!"


[ooc: Huge thanks and booze to the radio squirrels of extreme awesomeness! Special thanks to my guest hosts stupid_toasters and bigdamndean who made it so I could get to bed sometime tonight!]

"Good evening, Fandom. I'm sure you all enjoyed having my wonderful employer reclaim his rightful place on the airwaves last week, but, alas, I have returned and you're stuck with me. It's okay, you'll deal, and it's nothing fatal. After all, you survived yesterday's incredibly special and innovative broadcast, and that's always a good sign."

"I'd tell you to ignore the naked squirrels, but there's no reason why you should. Other than the fact that their cavorting may upset the more delicate members of our listening audience, it's not like you can see them. Unless they get drunk and start ringing doorbells, but something tells me that might be a sign of a different problem." ( And 'lo, there was news! )

"See, now that's just disturbing. Seriously, does nobody have a bunch of tiny bathing suits?"

"Good evening, Fandom! Before I get started, I'd like to give a hearty congratulations to Principal Washburn and her illegitimate offspring! Welcome to the world, small person, and be glad you've been born to a family that eschews social convention! Trust me, you'll be much happier that way."

( And now, the news! )

"Not a shirtless or pantsless adult in the bunch! We are woefully unrepresented, and I feel that this situation should be remedied! Be free, recapture your youth!"

"Er, and good night!"

"Good evening, Fandom. Welcome to another thrilling episode of Vala Mal Doran radio. Sadly, I am working solo this evening as my lovely co-host had alternate romantic plans. Or he got thrown by the dinosaurs suddenly showing up and went back to wherever it was that he came from. Either way, I'll try to make this brief."

( Welcome to Jurassic Fandom )

"And, in conclusion, Fandom, if you dated Jack Harkness, I say to get ye to the clinic and get some penicillin. That is all."

*bzzzt*

"In case any of you were wondering, that's the sound of a short in the radio equipment. Or, more realistically, the sound of a short in the equipment that's going to set me on fire if this broadcast goes on for too long. Good thing nothing happened today, right?"

( Of course, right! )

"And that's it for tonight, from a woman who seriously wishes she'd thought to sell towels about eight hours ago."

"Good evening, Fandom. This is Vala Mal Doran and I have one thing to say to you all:"

( Get the hell off the phone! )

"So, yes. That's it, and I'm sure your cellular phone companies will be sending their bills of gratitude shortly. Move over, squirrels. I'm sharing your fort."



[ooc: Huge thanks to all the RL squirrels and all the players who linkdropped their calls, making my job much less difficult!]

"Good evening again, Fandom, and I must say thank you to all the lovely people who decided that I was worthy of broadcasting over the airwaves every Friday night. For those of you who are dying of curiosity about what a teacher does when she's not on the radio or teaching class, I am here to tell you that she goes off the island and explores some lovely museums in Washington, DC. I believe you call them the...Smithsonian? Is that correct? Anyway, they have some of the most incredible jewel collections, particularly this magnificent blue diamond with a curse on it--cursed jewels are always worth more on the black open market, as anyone who takes my class would know. Security's a bit complicated, but I've definitely seen worse, especially considering the lack of technological advancement on this planet."

"Not that this planet isn't lovely--it's just...quaint. Yes. Not that I'm complaining. It makes the alarm systems much more access...and that's enough of that, I believe."

( And now, the goss--er, news! ) "As a reminder, any late-breaking news that occurs once the squirrels have soused themselves and passed out for the night are on the bulletin board.

As for tonight, the squirrels have run out of rum, so that tells me that it's time to vacate the premises. Sleep well, and remember that the cabin walls only go up three-quarters of the way, and who came up with that development? You can't possibly have any priv--oh, I see. Never mind. Please carry on as you were. Good night!"