WTFH

Hey, listeners, you get a special treat tonight; this is Alec and I've been roped into this radio deal. I've been given free rein to snark, so won't this be fun?

Oh, the things I'll do for a pretty girl.

Official Business (or, the boring crap that usually means paperwork)

Professor Tick has office hours and Jamie stops by - Jamie, man, didn't you hear it's summer? I'm pretty sure anything involving offices is the antitheses of all this season stands for.

On the other hand, Principal Hotness Washburn also has office hours, which I'd gladly attend anytime she'd have me. Buffy stopped by though, and if I'm right about why? Guys, be ready for a school year full of short skirts and tumbling.

Lastly, someone named Tex leaves town. Come back soon, man. Fandom's a great place from all I've experienced so far.

Dorms (or, where all the good stuff happens)

In the gym, where I've got ass-kicking dates until the end of time it seems, English Peter and Cally become acquainted in the morning, and Alanna and Faithful spend an evening together, sweaty and alone.

Blair is pantsless in the lobby and Veronica stops by to help. Not the way it's supposed to go, man. When the pants are off, they really should stay off - though maybe not in the lobby, unless that's your thing. Or maybe the public ass-smacking is what you were going for?

Today, the second floor common room, proves it's busy if not all that party-tastic. In the morning, Jamie gives Aeryn a quick course on movies with Molly Ringwald in them - who? Is she hot? - and also cheers up Willow. Good work, Jamie.

Dawn tells Aeryn that Charlie used to be a girl and because of Fandom I'm forced to wonder if this was an operation or magic or what? Either way, welcome to the less-fair sex, Charlie my man.

Bridge learns how to suck up to Willow? Good luck, Bridge, but ass-kissing loses out to making a girl smile, so Jamie's got one up on you there. Willow and Dawn sort out the Peters and the Parkers, which is what I'm totally renaming "the birds and the bees" to be now. Peters and Parkers, Fandom = your new euphemism for the horizontal tango.

Jamie and Marie talk about 80s fashion, and Jamie doesn't recognize Cedric with his clothes on. ...Jamie? Something you're not telling me?

*Papers shuffle* Cedric and Willow discuss who's prettier and... lip gloss? *Pause* Okay then.

Cedric also tells Marie that he can do magic, and Bridge shows her his powers - guys, maybe you should just fight it out at the gym or something, 'cause you're running neck and neck as it is.

...But then you two are comparing powers and I'm all confused. Or are you both double-agents? Then Bridge invites Cedric to go exploring, and as pretty as you guys are, I'm not gonna think too hard on that.

In the evening, I got propositioned by Crazy Radio Guy, John Crichton, got told to keep it down at night, and got hit up for this gig. I also got barked at by a vampire puppy, but the turtle was ominously silent. Sea monkeys are just whale food, by the way.

Joxer, Conner, Hermione all meet Vladdie as well, and, in other amazing news, Sammy has eyes. Maybe three, but you didn't hear that from me.

And a shout-out to Molly, who apparently kicks ass with style. You go, girl.

Morning in the fifth floor common room, found talk of love, moving plans, and then Jude invites Pip to sleep over. With him? No, there's apparently a slumber party being planned.

River freaked out in the hall this morning, and James and Shiro's villainous plotting put a cap on the fifth floor business for today.

*Another pause and a faint shuffling of papers* Okay, so in non-common places, the note-writer is on some really fine crack. I'M SORRY I TOOK A NAP, but after the night I had, you would too. Hee, cubed.

Ranma was female in the boy's bathroom, and then the news takes a decidedly boring turn as Ed sleeps, Jamie and my neighbor Peter send e-mails, Willow shows off her small furry animal, Jude and Blair listen to music, and lots of people make with the chit chat.

Dean, buddy pal of mine, had a female visitor, but she left so English Peter could come by and talk demon with him. *Disappointed sigh*

Town (or: where I haven't been and hence is a lot less interesting)

In the clinic, Tyler's still unconscious, Nadia is fed and receives flowers, Pippi also gets food and I wonder why this is at all noteworthy unless you guys don't normally feed your sick and injured? Remind me not to get stuck there. Ever.

People buy things at the store, and I continue to get bored here.

Oh, hey, Jack and Demyx didn't have enough sense to get out of the rain - but hey, wet clothes mean you gotta get out of them, right? Jack also touched Ellie. Anyone else joining me in the gutter?

And finally, it's Pip's birthday party down at the bar I have yet to visit. People talk before he gets there, then yell surprise, and everyone has cake.

...Well, damn. If anyone had told me about birthdays were about food and free stuff, I would've celebrated mine.

Anyway, that's the show for tonight, Fandom. Remember the Peters and the Parkers and don't catch pneumonia for the chance to see someone naked. Trust me, there's lots of ways to do it that don't involve going to the clinic to starve. Night!