WTFH

Hello Fandom! Jamie Madrox here on this glorious morning. You might wonder where my wonderful co-hosts are.

[Sounds of muffled shouts and pounding on a door]

Well, I locked them out. It just seemed easier that way.

First off to all of you turning into men for the first time: Be careful when zipping up your jeans. That's the kind of pain that stays with you for a while. Stay tuned former ladies! I'll have other wonderful tips for you later in the broadcast.

( Madrox Radio! )

What? No party for me?

*chittering*

It's my last broadcast! Where's the streamers? Where's the cake? Where's the naked ninja jumping out of the cake?

*chittering*

A bottle of Rum. With a quarter of rum left. How thoughtful.

*chittering*

Eh. Go hump a nut you filty animals. Evening kids! It's news time!

( Insert Clever Cut Tag Here )

Jamie #1: Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Coming Attractions!

Jamie #2: This isn't coming attractions. This is the news.

Jamie #1: Where we review all the trailers for upcoming films!

Jamie #2: Are you deaf? This. Is. The. News.

Jamie #1: It's kind of like Siskel and Ebert except Siskel isn't dead and no one is fat like Roger Ebert.

Jamie #2: This is going to end up with me wearing a wig, isn't it?

Jamie #1: Let's roll the first clip shall we?

( IN A WORLD.... )

Hello Fandom! Tonight on the news I feel like shaking things up, so everything is going to be in multiple choice and short essay questions.

That's right. Today's news is a test. Kind of like something you'd find in Cosmopolitan magazine but with less chances of getting laid. Please sharpen your number two pencils and get your papers ready. Questions will not be repeated and there's no potty breaks.

( You will however get extra points for spelling your name correctly. )

Hello Fandom and my fellow cruisers! It is I, Jamie Madrox once again here to tell you of the inane details of our lives. Why? Because it's what the pirate used to pay us to do. Alas Barbossa... we'll miss your rascally ways. And your rum.

*sad chittering*

Yes. I know. I'm heartbroken too. Now I'll have to buy my own alcohol. *sighs* Let's get started shall we?

( Going to the chapel and we're... going to get MAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAARRIED! )

Hello Fandom! Jamie Madrox here. I'm pretty much counting on everyone here either being fast asleep or doing things that would make their parents die of shock because it involve nudity and for a small portion of you some sort of scary fetish that would be innappropriate for me to use while being monitored by this FCC shock collar that I'm wearing.

Actually it's just a regular dog shock collar but somehow the squirrels got it on me when I wasn't paying attention and one of the squirrely bas-

*BZZZT*

YEEEEOOOW! -has the controller. I hate to say this but I think I miss the grumpy guy with the forehead.

*BZZZT*

YEEEEEEOOOOW!

( This will be a shocking broadcast. I just know it. )

Jamie #1: Good evening Fandom! It's me, Jamie Madrox, With all the news that has been scribbled out by the tiny paws of inquisitive squirrels with tiny press hats. You have to wonder what makes squirrels pry into our daily lives and why they find it so interesting.

Probably because they just like humiliating us.

*chittering of agreement*

( I thought so. Shall we get to the news? )

Jamie #1: Hi kids! Jamie Madrox here along with my good friend... Me! Jamie Madrox!

Jamie #2: Actually I'm just a duplicate of yourself. Why do we have to be friends? I kind of loathe talking to myself.

Jamie #1: Don't listen to him folks. Really me and all my dupes get a long very, very well.

Jamie #2: Just not in the naked sense because that would be creepy.

Jamie #1: Ew. On that note let's get to the notes, shall we?

Jamie #2: Right... Except for one thing. They're all in French.

Jamie #1: What?

Jamie #2: I think the squirrels are sabotaging our tryout.

Jamie #1: Acorn eating bastards! Ha! Well that's okay. Luckily I'm completely proficient at French.

Jamie #2: No we're not.

Jamie #1: Just shut up and read the notes.

( Jamie really should consider using Babelfish )

Once again it's a Friday night and it's just me, some squirrels and a couple bottles of rum. Yes, I'm drinking with squirrels. In any other place that would just sound weird, wouldn't it?

Anyhow let's just see how today went for everyone, shall we?

( Looks like it's vewy vewy quiet )

12/14 Radio

Good Evening Fandom. It's Jamie Madrox here reminding you only have 10 shopping days until Christmas if you follow that whole Christianity thing. Personally I'm a Presbyterian so really we're just in it for the presents.

Jamie #2: Enough with Christmas!

Jamie #1: Okay. There's a guy who looks like me wearing a yarmulke. What the hell?

Jamie #2: I'm the duplicate you sent to Israel over a year ago.

Jamie #1: Oh! right! How that turn out?

Jamie #2: We converted and I just got back. Bit of advice? The kosher meal on Pan Am may be "kosher" but it ain't really "kosher" if you know what I'm saying.

Jamie #1: Wait. We converted? Does that mean we got circum-

Jamie #2: I don't want to talk about it.

Jamie #1: I'm not sure whether or not I should say "Ow" or "Ew".

Jamie #2: Considering our Mohel was a sheretz mekori notef mugla? Go with "Ew".

Jamie #1: See this is why it's good to be Presbyterian. You don't have to learn Hebrew and your penis is relatively safe. Also? You only need to change your oil every three thousand miles and rotate your tires to get into heaven.

Jamie #2: Tisdayen.

Jamie #1: I have no idea what that means but considering the hand gesture you just made I'm gathering it's not good. So on that note...

( The News! Where hopefully we won't get smited! )

Guess what kids! It's Broadcast time!

( DUN! DUN! DUUUUUUUUUUUN! )

Evening Fandom! It's news time! Let's get down and dirty with the details, shall we?

( You people really liked being sick, didn't you? )

( And one more thing... )

Evening Fandom! It is I! Jamie Madrox. You can't see me at the moment but I'm wearing a top hat with red and white stripes. Why? Well that should be apparent in just a moment.

Down in Virginia, across the causeway,
There is a small island. (If you know the way.)
You can't always get there by boat or by plane
But once you arrive there, you are never the same.

The island's called Fandom, which you already know
( And the is the news, so sit tight! Let's go! )

Friday Broadcast: Parents weekend.

Jamie: Hello Fandom. This is Jamie Madrox.

Layla: And I'm Layla Miller! I know stuff!

Jamie: I told you not to talk.

Layla: Yeah. Like that was going to work.

Jamie: Fine. I didn't want to do this but..

Layla: Why are you turning on the ten second delay? I'm not going to say anything bad.

Jamie: Yeah, right. I'm not a complete idiot.

Layla: Could have fooled me.

Jamie: *sigh of exasperation* Let's just get this over with.

( And then there was the news... )

Jamie: Is that it?

Layla: Nope. In breaking news Mary blames Ed for her spinsterhood.

Jamie: I'd think of something clever to say but I'm brain dead.

Layla: I knew that.

Jamie: Oh shut up.

Hello Fandom.

Yes. It's Jamie Madrox.

On Wednesday.

Not Friday.

Why?

*hushed voice* It's the squirrels! I thought at the beginning that it was some ratings gimmick where the station switched my schedule around but it's much-much deeper than that! It's a conspiracy on such a high scale that it goes all the way into the school and up to-

*chittering*

Oh! Hi guys! *nervous laughter* Just... ah... getting ready to read the news.

*suspicious chittering*

Um. Right. see? The news? Got your notes right here! I was just doing the pre-show chatter! Nothing else! Ha! Ha! Ha! Shall we begin? Yes! Let's begin!

( And so it begins... )

And that it for me tonight. And the squirrels. Who aren't really trying to take over the world by looking fuzzy and cute.

*slight pause*

RUN! GET AWAY WHILE YOU STILL CAN! THEY'RE EVIL! PURE EVIL AND THEY ARE GOING TO-

*static*