Newbie Day News

Jamie #1: Good evening Fandom! For those of you not from this planet or time period this thing you are listening to is a ray-dee-oh!

Jamie #2: BING! Radio! An electronic receiver that detects and demodulates and amplifies transmitted signals like sound! It's like magic.

Jamie #1: My name is Jamie Madrox-

Jamie #2: BING! A Mutant from Earth-618 that has the ability to use kinetic energy to create duplicates of himself.

Jamie #1: And that other voice with the constant "Bings" is a duplicate of myself who will help all you newbie students by supplying additional information so this broadcast makes sense. Hold up. Earth 618?

Jamie #2: BING! Earth-618! A parallel universe where Jamie Madrox comes from. It's completely the same as Earth-616 except that it has us (Jamie Madrox) and all the shrimp taste oh-so-slightly like chicken.

Jamie #1: You made that up didn't you?

Jamie #2: BING! Hint to newbies: Most of the time? Radio LIES!

Jamie #1: Or at least I do. Shall we get started?

School!

Jamie #2: BING! A learning institution where we all... Learn! Um... Stuff. Usually weird stuff. Nakedness on the first day of classes is absolutely required by all students.

Jamie #1: Classes of which we have none. However, the new librarian did make an appearance.

Jamie #2: BING! The library! Where everyone goes to stare at Lee Adama's biceps and not much else.

Jamie #1: And then there was... nothing.

Jamie #2: BING! Because school hasn't started yet.

Jamie #1: Yes. That would be the obvious explanation.

DORMS!

Jamie #2: BING! Where all the students get naked and then get biz-zay.

Jamie #1: Never say that again.

Jamie #2: BING! Fo Shizzle.

Jamie #1: *sighs* Peter Petrelli-

Jamie #2: BING! The guy who can take all your powers and keep them for yourself. Also known as "Steve" unless you are referring to Steve Rogers which a totally different person.

Jamie #1: - came home today and had presents for various people.

Jamie #2: BING! None of them were for me.

Jamie #1: Isabel Evans-

Jamie #2: BING! Hawt alien chick! She just looks human!

Jamie #1: -came by to discuss hammock sex. Claire Bennett-

Jamie #2: BING! Hawt cheerleader! Rawr!

Jamie #1: To pout about her holiday experience.

Jamie #2: BING! It's a HAWT pout!

Jamie #1: Then Sam Winchester

Jamie #2: BING! The boy with the bad hair and a tattoo on his *BEEEEEEEEEP*

Jamie #1: -came by to sulk, apologize and make out with Peter.

Jamie #2: It's says "make up."

Jamie #1: Yes but what I said is far more interesting. Then Ronan-

Jamie #2: BING! A hot wizard! Also Peter's boyfriend!

Jamie #1: -came by to talk about alien potholes and make out like making out things. Then Mac came by to talk-

Jamie #2: BING! Mac: an abbreviation of macaroni. Often served with cheese.

Jamie #1: So Peter had a conversation with a plate of pasta.

Jamie #2: BING! It's Fandom. It could happen.

Jamie #1: Good point.

Jamie #1: Karal

Jamie #2: BING! A Cult leader who worships the sun and has a strange attachment to his horse and cat.

Jamie #1: -hung out in his room today. Andrew-

Jamie #2: BING! Sci-Fi Geek Sunnydale Refugee!

Jamie #1: -came by with presents. Triela

Jamie #2: BING! New girl! New girl! Brain yet unbroken!

Jamie #1: -dropped in to meet her neighbor and discuss Fandom weirdness. Pace yourself newbie! Don't do it all on the first day!

Jamie #1: Annette Hargrove

Jamie #2: BING! Blond girl from the post office who flirts with practically everyone including inanimate objects.

Jamie #1: -got flowers from Dick Casablancas

Jamie #2: BING! Rich surfer dude who works at Caritas and has a brother named Beaver which just makes me giggle every time I hear it.

Jamie #1: Beaver.

Jamie #2: *giggles*

Jamie #1: I'm so easily amused. Sky Tate-

Jamie #2: BING! New guy!

Jamie #1: -was in his room thinking deep thoughts and talking to a photograph. WAY TO EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS TATE! While Jen arrived in Fandom in a somewhat dramatic fashion and Michael moved into his room and got at visit from Triela, Jenny Sparks-

Jamie #2: BING! Chain smoking girl with a union jack on her chest!

Jamie #1: Teddy-

Jamie #2: BING! He's a skrull! An alien in disguise! But he's nice and bakes everyone cookies.

Jamie #1: Adam-

Jamie #2: BING! Ribbit!

Jamie #1: and Troy-

Jamie #2: BING! He can sing and play ball! He's a double threat people!

Jamie #1: Caroline-

Jamie #2: It says "Coraline".

Jamie #1: I don't care. Whatsherface met Lucas and picked beds while Isabel spent her time reading in her own room. Meanwhile Rodney

Jamie #2: BING! Total geeky know-it-all.

Jamie #1: sulked in his room while watching porn and Seregil did some unpacking and Harry came in and did not break anything up. However Victor Von DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Jamie #2: BING! The most arrogant man you'll ever meet. Why? Because he's DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Jamie #1: -broke down his own dorm door. DAMN IT VIC! THIS IS WHY WE CAN NEVER HAVE NICE THINGS! Meanwhile over in the common rooms Evey tries to make sense of the world by watching television and then disses AJ

Jamie #2: BING! Artist who is banging Troy and Beauty!

Jamie #1: Seregil is fascinated with bleach-

Jamie #2 BING! It whitens and brightens your clothes and makes a great cocktail!

Jamie #1: And AJ helps Seregil by showing him how electricity works. Alex comes in and has a polite moment with Evey before getting googly over Seregil and discussing gremlins-

Jamie #2: BING! Creatures that live in the heating ducts and are fun to play with. Really.

Jamie #1: -with AJ. Amber seems to happy to call Seregil by his name, also happy to babble at AJ as well as with Alex and talked about blowing up her Mom with Evey. Artoo then made an appearance and freaked out over Evey as did Luke.

Jamie #2: She blew up her Mom?

Jamie #1: She'll definitely fit in well around here.

TOWN!

Jamie #2: BING! Where-

Jamie #1: Okay! That's enough with the damn bings!

Jamie #2: BING! No! It's required!

Jamie #1: Stop it!

Jamie #2: BING! No!

Jamie #1: If you don't knock it off!

Jamie #2: BING!

Jamie #1: STOP!

JAMIE #2: BING! BING! BING! BING! BING! BING!

Jamie #1: If you don't stop it right now-
Jamie:#2:

BING!

Jamie #1: FINE! Be that way! Chad-

Jamie #2: BING! Tall guy who can probably smack the crap out of you if he really wanted. Also owns the scariest looking cat ever.

Jamie #1: -opened Groovy Tunes-

Jamie #2: BING! Our local music store of groovy-ness

Jamie #1: -and both Charlie and Evie came by to say goodbye. D'Argo-

Jamie #2: Our alien Mayor/Bartender with the major mojo to kick your ass if you don't do what he says.

Jamie #1: -was working over in the Town Hall. Melody-

Jamie #2: BING! Ditzy babe who owns Groovy Tunes and a musician. Rawr.

Jamie #1: had blue fingers from looking for new roommates. Ambrose and Ritchie quickly signed on as her roommates. Then Gabriel

Jamie #2: BING! Scary dude with a cowbell fetish. And lives in a church. CREEPY!

Jamie #1: -opened the church. Apu-

Jamie #2: BING! THANK YOU! COME AGAIN!

Jamie #1: -opened Turtle and Canary.

Jamie #2: BING! HOME OF THE GRAPE JUDAS SQUISHY! YUM!

Jamie #1: Xander-

Jamie #2: BING! He of the eyepatch and the golden spongecake with the creamy filling.

Jamie #1: was in the lobby of Mauvaise Chance Apartments

Jamie #2: BING! Apartments where all the teachers and adults get to do the sexin...

Jamie #1: Where the following people came by for rooms: Juli Mizhari, Mike Cannon, Nathan Petrelli, and The Operative. The? Is that his first name? I don't think so.

Jamie #2: We definitely need a better name for him.

Jamie #1: Fine. The Operative is now Skippy Oppenheimer. Librarian by day, peanut butter sandwich by night.

Jamie #1: River-

Jamie #2: BING! She can kill you with her brain. Maybe. Lord knows her cooking sure can.

Jamie #1: opened the Arms Hotel.

Jamie #2: BING! Your five star hotel on the island for visitors, parental units and hot lovin' outside the dorms and apartments.

Jamie #1: You're a just a perverted version of me, aren't you?

Jamie #2: BING! Oh hell yes.

Jamie #1: Moving on! Evie

Jamie #2: BING! The British chick from the past!

Jamie #1: Came by to say goodbye to River. New teacher Mike Cannon had a happy reunion with Mary-

Jamie #2: BING! Her breasts are magical! Don't stare directly at them!

Jamie #1: Cable-

Jamie #2: BING! He's big and he's got more parental issues than I care to comment.

Jamie #1: -opened up Wellspring Arms and Meditation center.

Jamie #2: BING! For all your Shooting and Zen-like needs.

Jamie #1: Ino came in-

Jamie #2: BING! I know nothing about her.

Jamie #1: Ugh. That was bad. Ino came in to bounce about new students and then had a hot make out session with Lana.

Jamie #2: BING! Not true! She's totally into Chris Halliwell. There was no making out. Just training.

Jamie #1: They were training to be lesbians. Joanna Stayton-

Jamie #2: BING! Rich bitch who is quite a good kisser.

Jamie #1: Opened Wonders of the World.

Jamie #2: BING! For all your mini-golf needs. Also? GOLF KARTS GALORE!

Jamie #1: George Michael Bluth-

Jamie #2: BING! Not the singer but the banana stand owner. Really. Also he is the boyfriend of magic boob woman.

Jamie #1: -opened the banana stand while Harriet Jones

Jamie #2: BING! We know who she is! She's our Dean! We also know she's hawt! Rawr!

Jamie #1: -had a conversation at the perk with Glitch. Or is it Ambrose? The squirrels seem confused. Possibly because he has a zipper on the top of his head. Or maybe it's because he arrived here by tornado which you got to admit is a classy way to ride.

Jamie #2: BING! Ambrose/Glitch? We hereby designate you as "Zipperhead" to ease the confusion.

Jamie #1: You're an idiot.

Jamie #2: BING! Jamie likes horse porn.

Jamie #1: NO I DON'T!

Jamie #2: BING! He protests too much!

*sounds of violence punctuated with frequent "BINGS"*

Jamie #1: Had enough bitch?

Jamie #2: BING! Bite me! OW!

Jamie #1: You asked for it! Meanwhile Johnny Storm-

Jamie #2: BING! He's not just hawt... HE'S ON FIRE!

Jamie #1: You had to go there.

Jamie #2: Shut up and read, bitch.

Jamie #1: Tino opened Caritas

Jamie #2: BING! Karaoke bar with a Zombie band. NO DRINKING AGE PEOPLES!

Jamie #1: While Katara

Jamie #2: BING! Waterbender who make you all wet if you look at her crosseyed!

Jamie #1: had the evening shift of the clinic while Dr. Troy-

Jamie #2: BING! Horny guy who isn't a demon. Really.

Jamie #1: -had the morning shift. And that's it for the normal news. Now it's time for the picnic.

Jamie #2: BING! Also known as a call for booze!

PICNIC!

Jamie #1: First all the siblings met. Jeff-

Jamie #2: BING! Whose brain is currently on another planet

Jamie #1: talked to Teyla about playing scrabble with people's faces and it wasn't much later that he started talking about breasts and his mom. Karal-

Jamie #2: BING! Who is not a girl!

Jamie #1: -initiated Liir into Fandom life. Ron

Jamie #2: BING! A mother pus bucket who cast slug spells on innocent people, OMG!

Jamie #1: -went straight for the kill and broke Evey's brain. Lana-

Jamie #2: BING! Who is still not a lesbian

Jamie #1: Had massive UST with Max. Who is a girl. So there. Johnny tells Reno all about the booze while Zuko-

Jamie #2: BING! A firebender with anger issues.

Jamie: -got a little sibling in the form of Makato. Sorry Makato! Just remember he comes in handy when you need to make s'mores. Sam

Jamie #2: BING! Who still has a tattoo on his *beeeeep* matter how much he denies it

Jamie #1: -is the big brother of Kara and eases her into the weirdness of Fandom by showing off his tattoo. John Sheppard

Jamie #2: BING! HIS HAIR IS ALIVE! ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Jamie #1: gets confused by his Romeo's syntax. Jennifer is Dean's-

Jamie #2: BING! Who is not Harriet Jones.

Jamie: #1: Little sib. Naminé

Jamie #2: BING! Who will cut a bitch if you touch her drawing pad.

Jamie #1: -breaks into a rap with Dōjima about how parents don't understand and use accent marks in their names to make it difficult for the rest of us. Aravis

Jamie #2: BING! She bangs Seely. A lot.

Jamie #1: is Harry's big sis. His attempts to not be lame amuses Aravis greatly. Meanwhile Chad-

Jamie #2: BING! Who is still HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!

Jamie #1: -tells Brooke all about the parties. Sora-

Jamie #2: BING! Who never sells Grape Judas at Turtle and Canary. Jerk.

Jamie #1: is Triela's big bro. She seems happy that there's no genetics involved with their relationship while Adam offers Lucas anything he needs. Which probably includes wet sloppy kisses that last for three days.

Jamie #2: Really?

Jamie #1: No but I felt the broadcast needed more glitter.

Jamie #2: BING! Glitter! It makes you kiss the same sex. If you're into that kind of thing.

Jamie #1: Then Kabuto-

Jamie #2: BING! WATCH OUT! HE'S NINJA!

Jamie #1: is actually brother with Seregil. Moving on to the meeting of the roommates-

Jamie #2: BING! Who will all eventually make out with each other!

Jamie #1: Lee-

Jamie #2: BING! Of the magnificent biceps!

Jamie #1: is happy that Ferris has no stick. Ferris is a eunuch? Bummer. Oh well Sam has someone to commiserate with. Makato and Alex adapt to the fact that Alex is a girl. Caroline-

Jamie #2: CORALINE!

Jamie #1: Whatever. She meets up with Lucas. Teyla and Romeo discuss the differences between boys and girls while Evey and Liir argue over who gets the bed. Our suggestion? Share. Andros and Max continue the trend of weird names and different sex roommates while Jennifer and Dojima shoot the breeze about cookies and Kara is just happy that Turtle isn't actually a turtle.

Jamie #2: BING! Or is she?

Jamie #1: Time will tell! Mikey-

Jamie #2: BING! Now he's an actual turtle! But he won't kick your shins. He'll just go "Duuuuude".

Jamie #1: is roomies with Sky while Michael broods about being roommates with Brooke. In complete contrast to that Triela and Amber are now completely BFF's.

Jamie #2: BING! Intarweb speak for being best friends forever OMG.

Jamie #1: Then the teachers tried to suck the life out of the party by showing up. Kerriban was found by Triela before Kerrigan had to shut down Mike for coming on too strong and then gets entertained by Lee's biceps. Liir and Zipperhead meet up and apparently are awesome at each other. Bond freaks out on Aravis-

Jamie #2: BING! Who still bangs Seely. A lot.

Jamie #1: -while Aly-

Jamie #2: BING! Who has the best uncle ever.

Jamie #1: -tries to take off Fraser's-

Jamie #2: BING! AKA the "Hot Mountie"

Jamie #1: -leather pants. Michael meets Harriet-

Jamie #2: BING! Still one hawt momma. RAWR!

JAmie #1: and is then called a cougar by Barney-

Jamie #2: BING! Who is made of awesome and wears suits.

Jamie #1: Aly and Kabuto both meet Juli while Kerrigan isn't impressed with Nathan. Nathan then has a nice awkward moment with the guy who is banging his brother while John

Jamie #2: BING! Who is not a gun!

Jamie #1 manages to figure out who Nathan is. Brooke then asks Lulu-

Jamie #2: BING! Also of the big and magnificent breasts!

Jamie #1: -if she uses duct tape to keep her dress up while Liir wants to know the point of all that boobage.

Jamie #2: Dude! It's boobs! She and Mary need to have a boob-off. It would be boob-tastic!

Jamie #1: Totally. Meanwhile Aly has conversations with Triela, Kerrigan, and Ghanima.

Jamie #2: Bing! Whose name you would not be able to pronounce without those shots of rum you just drank.

Jamie #1: God I love the pirate. Moving on to the mingling portion of the evening. Katara is pretty sure that Chad's cat is going to scare off the newbies. Teyla then proved Katara wrong. Ronan complained to Johnny about Nathan being a jerk. Hoshi chatted with a frog while Dick was a mingling thing. Brooke then flirted with Lee, John, Robin and then topped it all off by hitting on herself but only shorter. Jeff told Turtle that his sibling sign was evil while AJ and Anemone talked about pink hair. Liir met Carmela while Annette and Dick plotted about how to break the newbies brains... Hey. Aren't you going to say anything?

Jamie #2: *burps* Mmmm. Rum.

Jamie #1: Greeeeat. Lee forgot his name so he started calling himself Harold. Romeo tried to talk with Adah.

Jamie #2: BIIIIIIIIING! Rum is good!

Jamie #1: while Cassandra and River told Adah they were making the new people dance. Adah appeared indifferent and stared at Billy's eyepatch. Billy and Dean then met Alex while Triela and Hoshi talked about how Fandom is wacky. Brooke and Lucas then got to experience wackiness first hand as they WTF'd at each other being in Fandom and then WTF'd at being from different times.

Jamie #2: BIIIIIIIIIIIING! W-T-F stands for Wallace the Frog. He's a good frog. Also delicious deep fried with drawn butter.

Jamie #1: Evey and Lucas had a similar conversation about the whole time deal-

Jamie #2: BING! Daylight savings time is a bitch.

Jamie #1: While Reno and Ino met. Mean while River and Cassandra decided to encourage newbies to dance and Izzy gave tips to Michael about how to make it big in Fandom

Jamie #2: BING! GLITTER! GLITTER IS YOUR FRIEND!

Jamie #1: Either start sharing that rum or stop drinking it all together. Zoe Washburn

Jamie #2: BING! Our principal who can so kick your ass. I wish she'd kick our ass. I know we'd enjoy it.

Jamie #1: Ew! Zoe convinced Max to stay around in Fandom for school. Billy then said hello before Johnny then mistook Max for his sister.

Jamie #2: BING! Doppelgangerness. It's a disease! Be the cure!

Jamie #1: Yeah. You can shut up now. Karal and Gavin then talked about brownie goodness while Jaina complained about a lookalike of her and her dead grandmother on the island.

Jamie #2: BING! Doppelgnager! Doppeldoppeldoppeldoppeldoppel

Jamie #1: Meanwhile Evey introduced herself to Karal while Rikku met Amber and then had Cassandra convince her to dance right before Amber WTF'd over Robin-the-talking-frog. Andrew then gets beaten by Jeff's evil sign while Rikku claims she never wore ranch dressing. Romeo then talks with Andrew about lost loves right before Andrew almost swallowed his tongue when he met Seregil. Robin and Rikku share in the enjoyment of newbie day while Johnny and Billy watched the crowd together. Romeo then makes friends with Isabel, Ron, Katara, Rikku and then the dancing Cassandra and River. Jennifer and Izzy talk about Jen's scanner and then is met by Billy, Demyx, and Naminé.

Jamie #2: BING! Accented names are cool.

Jamie #1: Shut up! Sam and Dean then discuss the newbie situation before Dean goes into major flirtation mode with Kara. Caroline-

Jamie #2: BING! CORALINE!

Jamie #1: Whatever! Caronline then gets warnings from Demyx, Ino and Naminé. Sokka then tackled Naminé before totally mispronouncing Caroline's name. Deadpool wants to know why Bond hasn't left town. Ino is bouncy over newbie day and Fraser talks to Richie about security. Makato thought Naminé's dress looked nice while Jenny graciously offered smokes and got a strange look from Jen.

Jamie #2: Are we done yet?

Jamie #1: Just one thing more. Last week I reported that Hermione Granger had a tramp stamp tattoo that said "Hell's Bitch". I know must admit that I was completely wrong. Her tattoo is actually a goth Hello Kitty. It's very cute. It meows whenever she shakes her tush.

Jamie #2: You're so going to get killed for that.

Jamie #1: Shut up and give me some rum.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Best Ever! *loves and giggles so much!*]

Sam facepalmed, and hoped that Kara wasn't listening to the radio.

[Hahahahahaha!]

Annette gasped. "No I don't!"

Pause.

"Not very often at all and never with an inanimate object, geeze!"

"..."

Kara buried her head deep into her pillow.

[ROFL! That was awesomes!]

Nathan listened to the broadcast with bemusement.

He also had no problem at all finding out that Ronan thought he was a jerk.

[LOVE, SO MUCH LOVE. MARRY ME]

Fandom Radio: [Friday, January 4th]

BING!

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject