WTFH

"This is Becky, and I woke up pissed off at the world. So, sorry, but I really can't bring myself to focus on much but my headache tonight, but I still wanted to do radio. Otherwise that kid with the hair might do it, or - ick - Rory.

School and Crap

In Jarod's class, the kiddies played capture the flag, and Jack talked to Jarod about something or other. I don't care.

In Arts and Crafts, they finished their scrapbooks, which they then displayed them. Then in History of Earth Music, they had a guest lecture, and River asked them a question, and Marty thought that Lucas was high. Probably, kid. Lucky Lucas. I wish I was high.

In Retail, they talked about what they'd sell if they had their own retail outlet. The world is full of "if"'s, kids. No one cares what you'd do hypothetically. Seriously. Just do it already or else stop talking about it.

In Baking, where I bet y'all poisoned each other, people brought in their own recipes. Uh huh. Poison recipes. Angela and Alanna talked to Piper about their poison.

And that earnest kid had pie for lunch. I want pie. Not poison pie, though. Did you hear me, kids from Baking class? No poison for Becky.

Dorms, and I don't care

This morning, Marty got a phone call, and Tyler talked to Jamie and Birdcage. Then Jamie went on to tell Nadia that her daddy is in town. Anakin was visited by that goody two-shoes, and Molly talked to Cameron about their weekends.

This morning, I woke up with a headache and my hair was sticking up in weird directions, and I had three cigarettes and a cup of coffee for breakfast. There. Wasn't that fascinating?

At the gun range, Pip threw knives. Did you use a visual aide? I find that putting up a picture of whoever you hate at the moment helps with aim. In any case, let's all hope that everyone came out of this with all their eyes still intact, as Pippi and River both stopped by to watch.

Walter and some animals were messy in the third floor common room, and Nadia was jumpy. Aw, kids, I didn't know that kinda thing was allowed in the common room. Three cheers for exhibitionism.

Kawalsky and Molly were all cryptic and I don't care, and Alphonse was visited by Pippi. Still not caring.

Rory talked about space hair with Jaye, and I wish I was making that up. Birdcage was cute at Jaye, too, apparently, and that I can kinda care about. Aeryn was visited by that hot psycho blonde, who was drunk. Ooh. Did they make out? You go, Aeryn.

Xander got a call from home, and again not caring. For some reason, Kawalsky filled Hairboy and Obnoxious Kid Who Is Fast's room with cups of water and duct taped their beds. Kinky, but not caring. Zero stopped by with her very exciting red hair. No, red hair is weird. You all are strange and boring people.

Cedric, Lana, and Jarod's girlfriend who is mean talked to Isabel. Then Jack couldn't sleep, so he went to bug Sam the girl.

Town, which is only interesting because I live there

So, the clinic was quiet for both shifts. Too bad. Not enough people get seriously injured in this town. It's creepy.

Cafe Fina and Caritas were both open, but no one visited either of them. Jesus, did everyone develop headaches today? Am I annoying you all by just talking on the radio? Well, that's just too bad, 'cause I feel worse than any of you, so you're just going to have to deal.

Braca did organizey things at Town Hall, Tim and Jude talked about family at Luke's, River stopped in at Weasley's, and Lana opened the bookstore. Don't care, don't care, don't care, and don't care.

Jude was in the park with a duck, which is just sad, and Jay and Silent Bob loitered. Tim was emo at the beach and I am deeply unmoved, and Maureen asked Lucas for a job.

And that's it. Finally. I'm going to go hide in bed with the lights out at home for awhile. Go forth and be interesting, people, or I'll be forced to stab things in order to liven things up."

BECKY: Hi, people, this is Becky and I get to bring you the news again. Isn't this fun?

GOB: Tons. Hey, kids, this is GOB Bluth. Why didn't any of you take my workshop?

BECKY: Oh my God, let it go. Seriously. I mean, just because my workshop is almost full and yours only had two people is no reason to pout.

GOB: I'm not pouting.

BECKY: You're sulking.

GOB: And drinking. Remember, if you're ever thirsty while sulking, come to Caritas, the best bar in town!

BECKY: Drinking is good! Everyone should drink more. Unless you're underage, I guess, since I'm supposed to be responsible or something. Um. Just say no, kids?

GOB: See, kids? You've learned something. Which you could have been doing in my workshop.

( So, a former hooker and an illusionist bar owner walk into a radio station.... )

"Hey, so this is Becky, and I'm broadcasting to you on the radio all by myself. Wow. This is so exciting. Really. I might not sound thrilled, but I am. All kinds of thrilled. I may have just peed a little out of excitement.

Anyway.

Workshops, and what the hell is wrong with you people with the voluntary school stuff?

So there was Arts and Crafts, where people made paper flowers. Christ, how old are you people? Do you play with crayons, too? Apparently there's scrapbooking done in there too, and a girl whose name is way too long to bother with asks Tick for help before everyone presents their bouquets. I'm sure everyone's mommies are very proud of them, and perhaps they got cookies for being such good boys and girls.

...'cept in Baking, they actually have cookies. Go figure. Anders and Willow are clearly on drugs, as they think their cookies are mocking them. Stupid kids. This is why you don't smoke something just 'cause one of your stupid little friends passed it to you at a party. Always hold out for the good stuff.

...oh, wait, I'm a teacher. Um. Just say no? Or something?

Jude's in a good mood, which rhymes kinda, and Sam who is a girl is...what the hell, too injured to bake. That's lamer than the excuses I used to use to get out of class. And what the hell, Pip apologizes for being a gosling, which I think is like a baby fish, right?

In Clockwork, people make houses or something.

Also, Vice Principal Pierce has office hours, and so does Principal Hot Mountie's girlfriend. My less-hot and worse-dressed good twin stopped by.

And in the cafeteria, Pippi and Nadia have hot, sweaty sex. Or a conversation of some sort.

Dorms, where you losers live

'Kay, so on the fifth floor, Pippi and Demyx talk about what they like on their pancakes. Oh, I bet you talked about that, you kinky kids.

On the fourth floor, Bel talked to Dawn, who talked to Cedric, who also talked to Bel, who talked to Tyler, who talked to Cedric, who talked to a fox and Isabel, who talked to Bel. Jesus, people. Just make the notes clear - 'these people had an orgy.' No need to include all this fake 'talking' in it.

And on the fifth floor, Pippi and Phoebe talked, Jude and Phoebe, and Pippi and Jude. Threesome. I can dig. Just use protection, kiddies, 'cause Auntie Becky ain't babysitting.

So, speaking of kinks, sounds like John is kinda into pudding, his girlfriend dominating and in a skirt, and having sex in places other than bed. Niiiice. Not the best I've seen by far, but definitely registering on the scale. Birdcage and Jaye also wake up together and talk about what Birdcage should totally do - namely, sex up Muskrat. For those who missed detention, that would be Alec and Dean. Can't tell 'em apart, don't care to, and so they're keeping their costume names. Dawn and Sam also get it on - or, fine 'talk,' whatever, ditto Willow and Muskrat.

Nadia wakes up from a bad dream, and is sexed by Walter. Or comforted. Whatever. Xander and Isabel talked about sex - or had it, who knows - and River came by with fish.

...I have no idea where to go with that, except that it sounds like there's a flooding problem in the dorms. Stay warm and dry: bunk with others. There. There is my PSA that I fucked up earlier.

Walter and Seras have a long conversation about vampires - which, by the way, are awesome in the sack. And Janet and Liz talked. Probably about sex.

Y'know, people kinda say I have a one-track mind. I don't see it, personally.

And also, Tempe has a kitty. I'll be snickering over here. Anders writes a letter - an erotic letter, I bet - to someone.

In the gym, Cam says hi to Molly or something, and explains the signs to Tyler, whatever the hell that means. Meanwhile, Molly talks to Janet and Liz. Pip figured out that being a baby fish was bad for his muscles, and Alanna talked with Janet and Molly. And Birdcage finds out that Cam is not pudgy, and Molly is not single. Then he overshares with Tyler and Sam. Tyler also overshares with Peter and watches River.

In a place that's not in the gym, 'cause holy shit, Veronica and Piper talk about the oversharing on campus. Uh huh. Or sexing. Whatever.

Nadia's in her room, and Veronica and Walter come over for another threesome, apparently. Tim's high, and again, drugs are...bad. Yes.

Bel and Phoebe 'talk,' and so do Parker and Isabel. Cedric on the other hand, gets a present from Isabel. I'll bet. Peter and Greg talk about a, and I quote, 'beverage chiller.' Tell me that doesn't sound like it's kinky.

John and Aeryn talk about marriage, and Aeryn, honey, why are you thinking about being so restrictive? Go sow your oats, sweetie. You're hot. Don't settle for pudding man. Elsewhere, Veronica sends a probably-dirty email to Angel, Seras and Nadia have phone sex or something, Pippi and Peter have rooftop sex or something, Lana...spent time alone...and Nadia and Jamie had, ahem, roomie time, and so do Al and Walter.

And then there's Veronica and Bel talking about their feelings. Probably dirty feelings. Up against a wall, maybe.

On the fourth floor, Luna does 'arts and crafts - riiiight - and Briar and Xander help out.

On the second floor, there's another orgy, as Rory who is such a prude that I'm surprised to hear she was there talks to Bridge and that girl whose neck I bit, Alanna 'checks on' Bridge, there is a kitty, and D'anna talks about sex with Bridge.

Town, which is awesome as I live here

So, Chloe, Clark and Lana all totally do it in Giles' shop, or something, and the troopers wanna see some action. I didn't even touch that one, people. River flips her shit at Tim - did he say that one word in bed too, honey? I know the feeling. And All and Sundries is open for all contraception-purchasing needs. And, y'know, other stuff, but whatever.

In the clinic, Granny is making something, Susan's got a date, and Trevor's bored with the porn on his TV.

Or something.

In Cafe Fina Walter and Alfred 'talk' over lunch, and in Caritas, Seras bitches to poor Jarod about her day, and Parker is frustrated with him.

And then Parker sleeps with Jarod. Literally and figuratively. Actually not making this one up, people. Finally, nice to see you're getting lucky, Jarod. You deserve it, sugar. Miho might make you pancakes in the morning, brunette girl whose name I just read but can't be bothered to read again.

And that's it. Happy screwing, Fandom!"

[ooc: Yeah, I took a few liberties. :) I wasn't sure what people wanted broadcast of the truth stuff, so if you'd prefer that I edit something in more clearly so that your character will remember it, drop me an email (becky.vartan@gmail.com) or in the comments here, and you can assume it made it into radio from that point on, as it WILL get put in. :)]