[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey folks. Eric Weiss here for what will be my last regular radio broadcast. That's right, I'm leaving the airwaves. I can already hear Bel celebrating. I'm pretty sure Anders is with him.


Nothing but some office hours: Kevin Flynn, Dr. Orpheus, and Ares.


In the gym, Tori joins the Hot 'n' Sweaty Women's Workout Team. President Aeryn Sun will be proud to have you aboard, Tori.

Balthier's cleaning his guns. I hope that's not a euphemism. The squirrels have it highlighted and underlined, though. Ew.

In the 5th Floor Common Room, Pippi's pounding out the pancakes. She apologizes to Snorepick about some confusing thing with her royal title. See, now I need an apology because royal title? What? River explains Berthold to Deerhike. Because everybody should know about the care and feeding of one's tentacle monster. Walter and Beer-fight go OMGWTFDOPPELGANGER. Do they really look that much alike? I don't see it. Annette asks Smearheight out on a kindasorta date. Bonus points to Annette if she actually remembers his real name at the end of the date. Annette meets Walter and Annette is awfully nice to him. I'd like to see her in a room with Vader. She'd paint daisies on his armor. River got some bad telepathic vibes over vacation. She's picking up bad vibrations, people. Valentine thinks Fandom is mundane. Only if you come from Crazyland, dude.

Posters went up for Evil Pink Pony Awareness. An important message, dude. Gotta keep an eye for those guys.

Posters went up for Cheerleader Tryout Awareness. An important message, dude. Gotta keep an eye out for that school spirit.

Over in the 2nd Floor Common Room, Dick watches CFD. Wait, we have a student named Dick now and I'm quitting the radio? Completely lame. Dick tries to pass off beer-swilling as a superpower. Cassie ain't buyin' it. Tannim explains pancakes to Balthier. Is this gonna be one of those wacky sitcom situations where we're all brought together by explaining random crap to this guy? 'Balthier, the spork's not for gouging eyes out! Silly Balthier!' Summer accidentally lets slip the new student initiation conspiracy. Aw, now I've let it slip. Actually, the funny part of the conspiracy is we tell you all this weird stuff, you think we're putting you on, and then the island gets invaded by Weebles and you wish you'd listened. Balthier complains that Fandom is slow. Dude, you're the one who needed pancakes explained to you. If you're gonna talk slow, bring it back home. That's all I'm saying. Floppy-haired Peter coulda been somebody. He coulda been a contender. Or he will be somebody, he could be a contender. This semi-prophetic stuff weirds me out. Summer tells Floppy-Haired Peter that being drunk is not a requirement of doing radio. Like hell it's not. I've got a full mug of this weird green alcohol I just made the acquaintance of today. It's half-empty. It's gonna be all empty when I'm done.

Zuko's practicing fire bending in the Salle. No fire detectors were harmed in the making of this news story. He and Mel flirt using fists and fire. If only all courtships were so straightforward. They gather a crowd and Seely starts taking bets. After the fight, English Peter gives Zuko a dagger. Yeah, because he doesn't have enough outlets for his violent tendencies.

Pippi, Mr. Nelson, and Walter attempt a stealth attack on Locker 327. The locker is unimpressed.

Phoebe and Bel talk about the new nephew thing. Bel swears up and down he hasn't slept with either one... yet.

Henry writes in his journal. Annette writes in her dream journal. 'Dear Dream Journal -- horsies and kitties again and they were all singing my favorite songs! Love and Sunshine, Annette.'

Luke's home and he's got a new robot friend, R2-D2. Talk to Bridge about souping that guy up, Luke. I bet he could install iTunes on it for you. Luke fills Rory in on his trip. English Peter, Aeryn and Z all give Luke a hearty welcome back. They really wanted to see the robot, though. Who wouldn't?

Dawn writes a letter. She chats with me about stuff that totally blew up in my face today. Buffy wants Dawn to show her school spirit with the cheerleading squad. Isabel pops by to do crafts!

Marty and Angela are cute. Also, puppies become dogs when they grow up. I'm full of interesting, little known facts.

Greg begs for mercy from Isabel. She makes him crawl like a worm. Or maybe I just got that thought in my... EW. I'm sorry folks, there was no call for that.

Buffy's back. River and Alec are pleased.

Parker has a birthday party. She just turned 18. In attendance are Wyatt, Jake, River, Neil, Chad, Turtle, Anders, Buffy, Tannim, Zero, Shawn, Bridge, Chris, Jack, who gives terrible advice, English Peter, Cam, Isabel, D'anna, Angela, Molly, Seely, Billy, Door, Sam Carter, R2-D2 cake stealer extraordinare, Tori, and one very stupid radio host.

Nadia stands on the roof in the rain. She also like pina coladas. Nova tells Nadia he was built for combat. Which is probably better than telling her you were built for love. Setsuna has a boy in her room, omg. Cally totally wants to get liquored up on cheap Viper moonshine. Billy's asking too many questions about Cally's still, see? Somebody's gonna have to make with the cement shoes before he stool pigeons, see? Balthier eats apples and stargazes. Balthier figured out apples all on his own. Very good, Balthier.


Over at Aromotopategima, Jack and Lana exchange belated Christmas gifts.

Jane's in a really really good mood at All and Sundries. Please don't tell us why. Please.

Sporebike wanders into Empire Records to figure out what it's for. Records is my guess. Willow checks in on Kaylee. Later, Willow will be competing against Annette Hargrove for OMG Nicest Person in Fandom. Henry would like a radio, probably to listen to the Friday news broadcast. Hate to disappoint you, dude, but this is my last week on the mic.

Devil's Nest is open for all your drunk under the table needs. Emma Frost has a beer. Clark does, too, completely breaking my white bread image of him. I'm scarred. I don't know enough about Yondaime to be surprised by his drinking, though.

At the clinic, Nadia stayed overnight with Wilson. Not dirty. Aziraphale shows up later. Possibly dirty. Wilson's awake for the evening shift, but he's still in bed. Recover quickly, Dr. Wilson. We need you to come back to school and freak out at Neil.

Well folks, that's all from me. I mean, really all. It's been a wild ride. Have a good night and don't forget to tip your radio newscasters."
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey folks. Eric Weiss and we're gonna jump right into the news, because I'm leaving on a jetplane tomorrow, and though I know when I'll be back again... I really have nowhere to take that joke.

School's Out For Winter!

"Dean Tick subs in Energy and Fitness. He gives the students the three-part final, including Powering a Light Bulb with their tongue. That... can't be right.

"Constant Vigilance has a written test for their final. Until the Cybermen kill the Doctor. He gets... well, better than dead, anyway. Then the Sontarans kill him again. And he gets way better. Did you know that The Doctor sleeps with a night light? Not because The Doctor is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The Doctor. Then The Master disintegrates The Doctor and most of us catch onto how flippin' fake the whole thing is. The real Doctor, radar ears intact, comes back and passes the class.

"Prophecy students turn in their final projects and listen to the guest speaker, the former anti-Christ. I prophecize that the class is over. Just call me Weiss-tradamus.

"Health gives their final presentations. Aaaaanad we are done with school for the semester.

"Except for the other parts that aren't class. Sam opens the library, just as a for instance. Lunch is served in the cafeteria. Nobody bothers.

Packing and/or Partying, Fandom High Dorms Style

"In the third floor common room, Chad is making Christmas enchiladas. Dude, where was I? Pippi and Chad compare final notes. Jude wants an enchilada onna stick. Chad makes Mac a vegan enchilada. Go Chad.

"Parker gets back to Fandom after some kind of a trip." Weiss paused for a moment. "Huh."

"Jack Harkness has conversations with Cedric, Sam Carter, River, and Cameron. No idea what they talked about, but I'm going to guess they're arranging tickets to Llamafest 2007.

"Aeryn and John talk about the Ethics final. Sources are unclear on whether the conversation ended on the ethics of gettin' sexy.

"Peter Parker and Isabel are in the Christmas spirit. They exchange gifts and stuff. Sanders stops by to mack on Isabel with some mistletoe. Note to self, acquire mistletoe. Get kisses. Bel and Isabel also exchange gifts. Isabel is really the gift-giving person, isn't she? Peter's in an elf suit. The only word for this is WTF.

"Peter Parker's Christmas spirt keeps rolling with presents for Aeryn and a gift exhange with Kawalsky.

"Dawn's being giving today, too. Molly , Bridge, and Peter Parker benefit. Dawn and I totally win at gift exchanging and magic ninjas.

"Billy tries this strange new thing called 'thinking' down by the docks. Pace yourself, dude.

It's Christmas Time with the Townies

"Lana has a pretty low-key day in the bookstore. What? No emo or overpowering waves of omgjoy? Best present ever.

"Willow is Kaylee's anti-emo brigade over at Empire Records. Willow wins this week's Righteous Dude award, because that just rocks.

"Aiden decorates her detective agency's office. I hate to say this, but do we really need a private investigator. Seems like the students here are pretty much all the sleuth the island can handle.

"Someone leaves Sister Rosette a Christmas present.

"Yitzhak has a theme going at Luke's Diner. And that theme is awesome.

Jarod opens the Fourth Sin.

There's a Holiday shindig at 33 Apocalypse Avenue.

At Caritas, Mac and Cally celebrate their three month anniversary. Speaking as somebody who has a maximum relationship lifespan of six weeks, I congratulate both of you.

"The Devil's Nest offers free drinks for teachers. Not teacher's assistants, unfortunately. Or nuns.

"Well, that's all from me. Have a good holiday weekend, folks, and be sure to tip your Santas."
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey folks, Eric Weiss back at the microphone again, after a week where... Uh, to be honest, i can't remember why I missed last week. It's kind of a blank. Weird...


"Health learns about burns. And not the fun kind you get from carpets and too much lovin'.

"Phale's back in the saddle for Prophecy. This week's exciting and completely dodgy fortune telling comes from runes. Phale asks to see Bel and Marty after class. I wonder if they kiss and make up. Marty and Bel, I mean. Marty, Bel, and Phale would be weird and I'm pretty sure Wilson would have issues with it.

"Zuko dumps Health and Fitness on Cameron, who acts in the tradition of all great gym teachers and checks out Cally's chest.

"The Doctor gives the Constant Vigilance gang the 411 on Fenric. It's a lesson that's a lot like a lot of The Doctor's other lessons: it would be really useful if we were all intergalactic travelers with our own blue police box vessel.

"Over in the cafeteria, Nadia and Pippi are planning a big sailing trip. Because having weird on the island isn't enough. We have to go looking for it in the water.

"Sam Winchester opens the library. The books gather dust.


"Aeryn's giving Rory some lessons in personal aggression. That's what I love about Rory. When she wants to learn something, she goes to the very best. Even if they gawk at her pink boxing gloves.

"Ladies and gentlemen, buckle yoru safety belts. We've got a bunch of folks heading to Alanna's homeworld, Tortall. Alanna preps the expedition for the magic portal ride. Since Alanna's got some sort of freaky drag king thing going on back home, Angel's working on calling her by her guy name. Logan really hates the idea of leaving Callisto alone in the hotel. Bridge and Dawn have some issues with portals.

"Over in the Second Floor Common Room, Cally's wearing a pink shirt that insinuates some dude-on-dude love. Mac prefers the girl-on-girl. Tyler's legs show up in the corner. Uh... this is one of those situations where I'm missing a vital part of the story, isn't it? Nadia rifles through Tyler's helpless pants pockets. Tyler's legs don't mind at all.

"In the 3rd Floor Common Room, Conner still looks like a souped-up racecar driver. Schrodinger mocks him, as he should. Zach tries to help.

Boring and/or Fun. Depends on Your Perspective.

The Winchesters have dinner with Principal Washburn. Dean, Sam... dudes. What the hell did you do to deserve that? Just beg for detention and run.

"There's hippie parts scattered around the Devil's Nest. But more importantly, half-priced drinks. Aziraphale drunkenly comes on to Lucifer. I'm sorry, did I say "comes on to"? I meant "hits on." But in a "you are my immortal enemy, pour me more of this scotch" way. Schrodinger swings through looking for body parts. Because someone's gotta.

"Cafe Fina is body part free. For once.

"The Arms gets another hippie part, and there's somebody's flailing torso over at Empire Records. Caritas also has torso.

"Yitzahk opens Luke's Diner and is greeted by the right side of Fat Peter. Okay, seriously, what's with all the freaking body parts?

"There's a scientific trial over at Venture Industries. And I answer my own question... Dr. Venture recruits Tyler, Fat Peter, Jane, Schrodinger, Leo (who is not protesting 'Nam), but not Billy. The switch is thrown... and yeah. Refer back to the body parts stuff from earlier. Everybody's reassembled. Eventually.

"Even with all the body part mayhem, the clinic is quiet all day.

"Well, that's all from me folks. Have a good night, and tip your mad scientists."
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey everybody, you're probably all asleep from the turkey on this, National Leftovers Day. Fandom was spared the horrendous shopping madness that typically happens the day after Thanksgiving, mostly due to the fact that our shops are not exactly overwhelmed with consumer electronics. The Fandom shopper's motto should always be, 'If I can't find it online, I'm screwed.'


None. Best day ever.


When classes are out, the students play. And what do they play? Jude and Ranma play sexual tension. Anders and Bel play a game I like to call Behind Closed Doors. Billy plays Guy on a Ledge. And Jack wins a round of Told Ya So with Lana.

Oh, and Lana and Jim the Dick play Yahtzee.

Billy and Pippi enjoy delicious pancackes in the Fifth floor common room. Later, Billy heads down to the Fourth floor common room and tells Jim he's a dick. Okay, not really, but there was subtext. I'm nearly sure of it. Jim slathers on the charm with Lana, hoping to make her forget his douchebag ways.


Lana joygasms at work. I swear to God there's some kind of localized bipolar disorder going on there. Perky or depressed, perky or depressed. Geez.

This Nun wants you... to give her food. It worked for Uncle Sam, why not Sister Rosette? It's all in the family, right? Right. Note to self: patriotic and religious humor do not mix. Then she takes confession. And around here, there's gotta be some fairly screwed up sins.

There's a brand-new crazy science type in town. Daisy makes friends with him. Daisy is doomed.

El Mariachi, John Connor, Rosette, and Thursday head out on a road trip of some kind. I see hot dogs at the Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota. That'd rock in a really stupid way.

The Doctor and Zhaan have tea. Made from tea leaves. Leaves of tea. This is like the most boring news ever. Next you're going to tell me that the Clinic's dead.

Oh. The Clinic is dead. I hate it when I'm right.

Jay and Silent Bob pop by the Photo Hut. It's like a predestined meeting of potheads.

Thursday asks John Winchester to watch Friday while she's gone. That kid's gonna be an expert marksmen with a standard hunting rifle when she gets back.

Apu attempts to foist a sandwich on Billy. What are you pushing, dude? Black market tryptophan?

Newcomer Aiden has fresh digs at 18 Apocalypse Avenue, courtesy our esteemed Vice-Principal. Way to fufill the basic need for shelter.

Anyway, that's all for now. I have turkey in my stomach and I'm gonna fall over at the console if I'm not careful. Have a good night, and don't forget to tip your turkeys.
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
Welcome to Fandom High Radio. My name is Eric Weiss, your name is The Listening Audience, and this.... is the voice of snark.

Too School for Cool

Health class researches safe sex. I'd like to remind you that you have to be able to get sex to have it safely. Just an FYI.

Bibliomancy! Divination from a random selection of words! That's what Prophecy's talking about today. I am doing it myself right now and... "The turtle moves." Weird. I knew that stuff was bogus.

The Doctor is Constantly Vigilant about Robot Men. Cybermen, excuse me. They go out and get cyberdates on cyberspace and maybe get some hot cyber action.

The Assembly was a bunch of game shows. Contrary to popular opinion, I did not commit lewd acts with a goat.

Naomi... eats lunch. It's shocking, I know.

Sam who I'm told is not a eunech, contrary to popular belief, opens the library.

Too Formed for the Dorms

Aeryn's worried about Luke. He is less handy these days. Oh, I crack myself up.

Parker's making a list, checking it twice, going to find out who to shoot in the middle of their freakin' forehead for being a moron who shouldn't be allowed to use precious electricity to think.

Piper's in town to help with the Cally Problem. This isn't a girl's issue, is it? Guess not, since Cally turns up possessed by a demon. Yikes. The Stitch 'n' Witch gang save her. Bel helps.

Marie gets a call from her mother. "Hun, have you met any boys? Oh, you can't touch them, right. Well, maybe if you tried harder?"

Teddy's making frozen pizza in the fourth floor common room. Mmmmm... pizza...

Too Down for the Town

Meet the new crew in town. They're ni!-t.

Lana opens Aeropatigologicalfun.

Kaylee opens Empire Records. She and Joxer plan a future date. Clark wants some holly jolly Christmas music. And a pony.

Jack flirts with Sam at Caritas. The location is actually insubstantial. As is the fact that it's Sam. I don't even have to specify a Sam. Jack flirts. But then, rain is wet and what else is new?

Over at the Clinic, everybody loves Luke. Poor guy. You know, a puppy with only three legs is more likely to be picked up than an identical puppy with all four? I bring it up only in passing.

That's all for tonight, folks. Be sure to tip your radio voice. Catch you next week.
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey folks, Eric Weiss here, coming at you on a Monday, weirdly enough. This should be pretty wicked, so let's get to it.

Do you wanna go to school today? No I Don't Wanna Do That

Announcements: beware the sixth floor and its damage. I guess it had an episode or something. It's seeking therapy. Also, lunch might be inedible today, which is actually a sign of improvement. Usually it's definitely inedible.

Balloon animals are giving squeaky political encouragement around campus. I wonder if Lyman can round them up as guest speakers for Wednesday's Political Campaigning class.

Pop Cultures rockin' out to the 80s. Cedric finds that he can dance if he wants to. And Evie just wants to have fu-un.

Prophecy discusses Chosen Ones. A plural on that only sounds stupid, folks. Everybody's way more excited about Vegas. I know I am. And hey, so are Bel and Anders. Bel promises to show Anders a good time and not to hog the covers.

I can't make this stuff up, people. I just can't.

Spanish talks about the fall break... in Spanish.

Interstellar Relations! I still think that class is secretly about solar systems getting it on. But in all seriousness, this week's assignment is to watch the news. It's like she gives the gift of television and takes it away with boring newscasts. Maybe if Wendy the Werewolf Stalker fires a silver bullet at the anchor...

Mary Poppins teaches you to speak Dragon. Around here, this is actually really useful skill to have. Balloon Animals try to recruit Molly and Door for their vague political platform. That's like the scariest thing I've heard since I arrived.

Logan Cale wants you to know that the politicians are going to screw you no matter what. Hope you're registered to vote. The class is actually about raising Issues, but Issues aren't funny. Unless they're like, Personal Issues of Emo. That's always funny.

World History talks about the War to End All Wars. You know, except the Second World War, the Korean War, all the police actions after... and that's just in America. Gotta love that historical hindsight making our forebears look really silly. To those students who might yet live through the first World War, do us a favor and make them call it something realistic? Thanks.

The Cafeteria fails to be hopping, probably due to the administration finally warning somebody about the food. Shawn and Naomi eat quietly, separately... They should, like, hook up or something. Dude. The Lunchtime Lovers. That'd be pretty cool, actually.

The Library is open. The eyes are closed. Reading remains unpromoted amongst young people like myself who'd rather get into that sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll thing. You can't see it but I'm totally giving the metal sign right now.

Flight Club meets and tools around in a single-pilot Cessna.

Dog Dorm Morning -- The Taxidermy Edition

JD's got a new toy. Buffy and Pip help him carry it to the fifth floor common room. He unwraps it and... it's a stuffed labrador. Buffy is strangely drawn to its vaguely Scottish vibe and names it Laddie. Pippi thinks Laddie is a very friendly dog. Pippster, if that thing starts humping your leg, shoot to kill. Buffy and Nadia just don't get it. What's there not to get? It's a stuffed dog. You can put it cool places and scare people. Or you can just keep it around the dorm. All the love and cuddles of a real dog without that nasty movement problem.

Cowboy Pete's walking down the hall in a magical, musical world of his own when he runs into JD and his new poochy pal. JD sings Journey for Cowboy Pete. Unconfirmed reports say a noise not unlike a dying dog's howl were heard at that point.

...and now, the rest of the dormy

Blair is watching Strifenova Celestial. Door sends a letter. You can trust a strange but hot girl who sends a letter. Teddy's reigniting the beat movement by wearing all black. Willow is freakin' adorable. Special guest appearance by balloon animals and English Peter Guy. Sakurazaki invites the twins out. There's a Doublemint Gum joke there, but I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Phoebe's staying with Lana because if Bel's going to have his gay tryst, she's going to get her lesbian on just to show him, dammit. John's home and not in a good place. Dude.

Town. Yes, Town. You too can enjoy a beautiful banana sundae made of town!

Lana opens Aeropatigonia while emo. I think she's got some sort of weird chemical imbalance. She's either really happy or really sad. Maybe it's because Jim's a dick. Phoebe feels Lana's pain. Part of that's because she's an empath, and the other part is she sees her own road to emo, blazed by Bel's torrid affair with Anders.

When there's something off in your brothel, dude... who ya going to ring? Winchesters! And Angela for some reason. And Becky and Miho, but they live there. After a nasty brawl, though, the ghost does not. Maybe they hold hands after, but this is brothel. The hand might not be the most appropriate appendage.

Empire Records is open. And so is Sister Rosette's new and improved confession... now with 50% more sugar. Jane is battling malicious political agendas over at All and Sundries. Sparky opens late, no-one notices.

Jamie and Marie have a date. And watch how not bitter I am at being single. I think I'm really growing.

The Clinic is quiet in the morning, although Elliot is apparently doing horrible things to a stuffed dolphin. Maybe that's what the balloon animals are protesting/supporting? The Doctor chats with Janet in the evening.

Well, folks, that's all I've got. Have a good night, though, and don't let Tuesday get you down.
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey Fandom, I am back after being sick as hell last week and ready to rock out with the latest news and views from the island."


See: ain't got no. That's right, folks. No classes. I think it's a brilliant idea personally and should be instituted as often as possible. I think Willow might disagree with me on that point, though. If you're really into the learning, Principal Washburn had office hours.


Surprisingly also inactive. Everybody must be hungover.

Aeryn's in the gym -- big surprise -- and talks to Luke about missing John. Never let go, Aeryn. And here's a special song just for you. *plays New Found Glory cover of My Heart Will Go On*

That was touching. And helps to pad our surprisingly short broadcast.

Bel's a pal and shimmers Cam to see Veronica. Note the lack of a gay joke. There isn't one to make. That was a solid turn, and Bel gets the Eric Weiss "Dude, Awesome" award for the week.

Happy Birthday to Alex Krycek, who turns older today. I have no idea how much older, but I assume it's like a year since his last one. Yeah, that's the kind of high level wit we have tonight, folks.

Over in the 5th Floor Common Room, JD is making delicious cookies. Or he would be if he could only stop eating the dough. Dude, I've been there. Things are not going to be pretty tomorrow. Stay close to a toilet. JD is soon joined by a monkey. Which makes the whole thing way funnier. Monkey is so much funnier than not monkey. Mac is drawn in by JD's siren song of cookie-making, but heads for the coffee instead. Smart girl.

Lavender does homework. WTF, Lavender? Did you miss the memo that school was out or something? Matilda scares the crap out of the twins. Two boys with one stone. I crack myself up.

Bel gets a call from Anders. Who's in jail. He needs someone to take the bottom bunk for those long cold nights. I wonder if Anders' being in jail has anything to do with the voicemail I just got from Parker. She said they're having a great time in Baltimore, that Teal Dear might be auditioning for major label, and that they're staying overnight due to their amazing time. Um, I'm thinking we might need to raise some bail money here.


Actually sort of busy tonight. Go town.

Lana's a-glow when she opens Aeromaticpizzareia.

Blair and Willow have an impromptu meeting of the Spaz Society at The Perk. You think that caffeine is a good idea at this point, guys?

Joxer visits Kaylee at Empire Records. There's smoochies. Awwww... Meanwhile, Billy wants vaguely happy music. That's always helpful to a retail clerk, dude.

Marie and Jamie have a nighttime stroll in the park. There's schmoop, but you probably knew that already.

Over at Caritas, GOB explains the appeal of hiring zombies to Dawn. Here's the appeal: zombies. They are completely awesome. In no way could they not be awesome. Zombies equal awesome on a stick. How does that suit you?

Jarod's working the front desk at Fandom's favorite brothel. Fandom's only brothel, but I figure any brothel around here would be a favorite of somebody's. Becky checks in and discovers that the DVD player is broken. Tragedy strikes where you least expect it, folks. Angela and Jaye swing by to say yo. Because hey, brothel. It's a swingin' place for casual greetings. Angela has a creepy experience while there.

The Clinic is open. Alanna gets no hurty owie love in the morning. Probably a good thing. Angela swings in for some tender care from Natalie during the night shift though. That came out a lot dirtier than I intended it to.

Well that's all the news I'm fit to ... spew. Don't forget to tip your prostitutes. Night, folks.
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey, folks. Eric Weiss here, completely happy to not have to deal with family this year, because reading over these notes... There's like no envy here.

School and School-Related Activities

Constant Vigilance learns about dangerous aliens. If variety is the spice of life, the The Doctor is eating Cream of Wheat.

Energy and Fitness students get to hit each other with big sticks. Your tuition money is put to good use here at Fandom High, parents.

Aziraphale shows Prophecy Lab All! New! Divination! techniques. Maybe it's a crossover class with Energy and Fitness. I know I'd see funny things if I got whacked with a big stick.

Health talks about sex, baby. Or how to put your schwing-schwong in a lady's bjango. Apparently Professor Reid turned so red by the end of class that she could've doubled for the Kool-Aid Man's skinnier cousin.

The Library is open for all of your sleeping needs. Blair and Sam W. bond over crazy parents. Think of it as the first pebble before the avalanche.

Moving Around Campus

The Gym is where we sublimate our teenage angst into healthy, constructive violence.

River and Blair have cute. It's a disease. Get cuddles. Help. Get help.

Aeryn and John! You can't be fighting! You're my heroes! Wait, I never met either of you. Carry on.

Izzy joins the Eric Weiss Association for No Parents This Weekend. Enjoy it. Seriously. Family's messed up. Oh, wait. Her brother shows up later.

Marty finds out that Angela's gone blonde. I'm shocked. Just shocked. The world needs to stop shifting under my... wait, I never met Angela, either.

Willow has an embarrassing encounter with Peter's brother. It does not involve sex, although it's in the general vicinity. Good work, Willow.

Lana Lane, Lex Luthor, Lavender Brown. One of these things isn't quite like the others.

JD makes paper cranes and wishes he was like the other boys. He considers joining the pirate corps, but they won't have him. Thankfully, his brother comes in... Dude, who's Johnny?

Cally has guilt over normal teenage lust. You'll never survive high school with that attitude, Missy.

Teddy gets a special visitor of no importance, superheroic or otherwise. The squirrels have that underlined three times. So... how is that news, then?

Apparently Sam Carter vanished. Jack tells Cedric, I'm telling you. Now who's going to tell us what the fuck is going on?

Bel's got Daddy issues. Phale and Wilson help him work through them. Maybe they'll help him accept who he really is -- a guy named Belthazor. See how it looked like I was going for the gay joke and then I didn't? Oh yeah.

It's a Summers-Winchester-palooza in room 428. That's my fake little sister, guys. If I hear word one that she was mistreated, I'm totally looking at you sternly in the halls for a week.

Parents Weekend Meet and Greet

Everybody's gotta register. It's the law. Or a really polite suggestion. But Fraser would like your weapons, and that's not a suggestion. It's still polite, though. I mean, dude, he's a Mountie.

The food and drink table was a popular destination. The Broots brood bothered... well, Broots. Angela's dad and Tamaki discuss imitation crab, accept no substitutes. Edmund is precocious. Great. A bratty little brother. Just what the weekend needs. Nikki and Shawn could go on all night about their lives. I couldn't. JD's brother hits on Kira. Obviously the charm runs in the family. Peter Griffin gets visited by a sarcastic talking dog. Please, Fandom has the patent on sarcastic talking housepets. Faithful should have a word with this pooch. Isabel finds her twin brother, who has ears rivaling the Doctor's. Must be an alien thing. Kira wants shiny bald love from Lex. Lana ain't havin' none of that, no sir. Just because your mother works at Fandom High doesn't mean there aren't new faces to embarrass you. Rory learns this the hard way. Shocking news in the world of Gary-the-King -- Alanna has breasts. Dude, I've known that since I got here. That wacky Simon is back with his fun-lovin' captain, and they're double-teaming Kaylee. With conversation. Dirty minds, man. Dirrrrrty.

Over at the general mingling area, Marty meets up with Marcella, who's happy to have been frisked. Who isn't? ... Forget I said that. A different Buffy than our Buffy who is apparently Dawn's Buffy meets Seely who looks exactly like Angel, whoever that is. Okay, I'm calling our Buffy Buffy #1 and Dawn's Buffy Buffy #2. Just to be clear. Arthur Hellsing -- Walter's guardian -- hits on Buffy #2. Dawn to the rescue! *plays the Bitterwoman theme* Briar meets his family. It's family planting. Get it? Planting? Ah, never mind. Pip and his grandfather yack in French. Excusez-moi! Ma grandmère est flambé. Hey, everyone! Jamie's married! Who's gonna tell Marie? That'd be the stunning lass with the Scottish burr. Buffy #1 meets Mom, wants to shop. The cheerleader wants to shop. Stop, I'll die of shock. The Egyptian Wonder Siblings hug and hug and hug. Mommy Draco flounces over to her baby bird. Billy meets his guardian and speaks full sentences. With separate clauses. He even strings them one after the other. I can't believe the apocalypse is here already. Steve Rogers looks for Teddy. The Marquis looks for his charge. Together, they find love. Otherwise known as people are meeting people and it needs more sex. I'm dying of boredom, here. Zero's parents are punk rockers, but you probably knew that. Jude and Blair flee The Man. Or The Ron. Whichever you prefer. Alphonse and Winry -- they're blonde. Parker becomes a totally softie for Daddy. I think that's scarier than anything else. Where's our hardcore bitch who takes no prisoners? I miss her! Hermione gets somebody else's parents. It happens to the best of us, dude. OMGWTF DINOSAUR!

Our Town In the Middle of Our Island

The Hotel is open. Get a room, because the Troopers don't like vagrants.

A well-muscled fellow checks out Giles' shop. And Empire Records. And Sparky Repairs. Maybe he's looking for the phone book?

Parker takes her guests to Cafe Fina. Oh good -- somebody actually eats there.

Booth does the Hokey-Pokey and he turns himself around. But the Marquis will not tell him what it's all about.

Jude's got them Frozen Food blues, oh yeah

Missouri's in the Perk. I knew that physics could get funky on the Island, but woah. Jake's daddy doesn't love him. But Krycek does. Bow-chick-bow-bow. Hikaru separates from the sibling unit to go on a date with Sakura.

Luke's Diner is open for all your chow needs. Isabel and Jack attempt to explain Fandom to Max. I'm not expecting miracles. Jaye takes her incredibly handsome brother to the diner. By incredibly handsome, I mean, you know... 'sup?

Guido and Rahne break some bad news to Jamie. No idea what, but our heart goes out to you, Jamie. And you, Jamie. And you. And you. And you. Andyou'n'you'n'you...

This Just In...

Blair's mom and Lex Luthor are getting it on.</a. That's all from me tonight folks. Be sure to tip your parents for not bringing out the baby pictures. Catch you next week!"
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey, folks. Eric Weiss here, bringin' you the xStream News from the wicked gnarly Fandom High. Tonight's radio is sponsored by the rot in my stomach from xStream Blu. If I seem a little short, it's because I think the stuff is melting my flesh off from the inside.

xStream School

First off, assume that Jamie Madrox did something wacky that involved cleaning. I'm not going to cover every instance, or I'll have to find the guy and kill him right before his eyes. I don't know him, I wanna like him, so we're not going there.

Dean Tick gives us the announcements we love. Everybody's dying to have detention with Darth Vader on Saturday -- and so they will. Congrats to Jaye Tyler, Maia Rutledge, William Kessler, and Naomi Wildman for your dedication to the art of pain. Meanwhile, D'anna's gonna have a very special meeting with Dean Tick and there's doozers everywhere. What the hell is a doozer?

When you look into the crystal ball, it looks back at you with funny faces. That's what they're learning in Prophecy Lab. I'm looking into my crystal ball and I'm seeing... a crystal ball. Nadia and Bel have personal issues afterwards.

Domo arigato, Mr. Evil Roboto Duplicate. The Doctor's giving everyone the 411 on the 10101. Is it just me, or does The Doctor have trust issues? Every week seems to be a new way to get completely deceived. Maybe he should team up with Spies and Spying.

Wasting diseases are really cute and Professor Reid lets her class cuddle 'em. She's teaching about infections and viruses. There's glitter involved. Jamie gets freaked out. See my note above about not caring for his own health.

Student Council -- a bunch of people who govern but can't legally drink. Not that it matters here in Fandom, thank you Caritas.

Bridge opens the library. He has LEGOS. He's officially the winner of the Eric Weiss Dude-Awesome award for the week.

Hey, look. Assembly. This week, the school sells out. Krusty the Klown rattles off all the items you can buy that he has his name on. Handgun? I wasn't crazy when I heard handgun, right? Some xStream d00ds gave some xStream Blu out and did a totally lame stunt. Has anyone had a chance to eat the xStream Blu? Tasty stuff, but man... gassy. Got a free t-shirt, though. Someone points out the sham-iness of it all. Oh thank God. Bel and Zuko get us all drenched with their balls of fire. Insert joke about Bel's gay sex life here.

Stick it in your Dorm-hole!

Aeryn's got rage. The punching bag might actually bruise.

Zuko's got mad fire-bending skillz. Shame he couldn't get them under control before we all got soaking wet in the assembly.

John's putting together a posse. Isabel's invited. So's Luke. Now with extra Sam Carter. And just a dash of Peter Parker.

Nadia apologizes to Cally. The squirrels are giving me nothing to work with on this one. I'm assuming it's a wacky misunderstanding with a hairbrush, John Dorian, and the Macarena. Heeeeeey.

Jude isn't eating crow. He's just carrying it. Probably because it's Sakurazaki. Why a crow? Those things are gross. Try a cardinal. Something with a red wing.

English Peter Guy makes Parker go running. Good thing, too. Those cancer sticks she's been smoking have me worried. Then EGP has a Fort of Love with Willow. Yowza.

Bel tells Phoebe he's restless. Apparently girl!sex just isn't doing it for him anymore.

Zero's got horror movies in the Second Floor Common Room. Bridge fingerwiggles, whatever that means. The squirrels have it surrounded by asteriks. Seely is still cute and fuzzy. Awwwww.


The Tick watches the Lemmings go, and calls in the Doozers. Swapping out one bunch of little guys for another... brilliant.

Lana's making personal phone calls at work. Y'think Giles is tracking that sort of thing?

Um, Aeryn's gone. That... really sucks. Wow. John must feel like crap right now.

Joxer and Kaylee are cute together and the local record shop. Unconfirmed sources indicate that they bought a Kenny G album together as a vow of their neverending schmoop.

Phoebe has a night club birthday. Shame she's too late to hang with Franky, Dean, and Sammy Davis, Jr. At this rate, they'd be lucky to get Paris Hilton.

Dude. Hookers. Becky won't read to Professor Vader. You're a teacher, man, get it together. If you can't read, you should probably just resign. Alec comes to collect on a debt. A debt of sex. That's the kind of debt you collect as quickly as possible or so I hear.

That's all from me tonight, folks. Catch you next week.

(no subject)

Friday, October 6th, 2006 11:10 pm
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/

"Hey, folks. Eric Weiss and I'm about ready to keel over. Homecoming Night for Fandom High and I've got all the fun a man can handle. Tonight, though, I've got my very special brand new acquaintance Callisto helping me out. Callisto?"


"Thanks, Eric. Of course everyone knows the best thing about Homecoming is having all the embarrassing events of the night you want to keep quiet broadcast for all to hear, so it's a good thing we're the ones behind the mikes. We wouldn't want anyone to miss out after all."

Cut because there's a lot of stuff omg )
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey everybody. Eric Weiss here. Stuff happened, I tell you what it is. If this hasn't become clear, then uh, maybe you don't actually comprehend the English language. Hola. Bonjour. Yo.

Boredom, Unadulterated Boredom. Or As The Administration Would Have It, School

Friday announcements bring a fresh round of punished souls. This week on Detention All-Stars, it's Jamie, Agnes, and special guest star Blair Sandburg. Good luck, guys.

Elliott tells the students not to smoke. In this school, students smoking is usually a precursor to students on fire. Luckily, there's a helpful movie to prevent personal flambé.

Health and Fitness class wants you to go the distance. Stamina, folks. It's what turns the unimaginative into great lovers.

Constant Vigilance is all about alien races that mimic humans. You gotta admit, there's no better time for the question "When am I ever gonna use this stuff?" Students pair up and pretend to be something they aren't. How is this different than the rest of high school? The Doctor and Jack talk about hot dates. Not with each other, I hope.

Prophecy lab deals out the Tarot cards. You know, I kind of regret not taking the lab now. I could predict the future and have it mysteriously appear in your shirt pocket.

We had a mostly lame Assembly, although there was some good stuff. Blair tells us we could make a difference, GOB teaches us the value of... doing stuff, Stuart Smalley wants us to think positive, and Matt Foley warns of the dangers of vans, rivers, and being him. Oh, and Walter and Pip demonstrate glitter magic. That part was actually a hoot. Students ask questions of the speakers. The pressing one to my mind -- how do you live with yourselves?

Jamie Madrox collected no trash this week. Or the squirrels are witholding that information to spare my sanity. I might just cry. You know, a strong, stoic man-cry.

Office Hours! Here's who had 'em: Josh Lyman, Jenny Calendar, Ms. Frizzle, Alianne, V, and Daniel Jackson. Over at the Fandom High office, there's one sad gremlin office worker who's unlucky in love. If at first you don't succeed... why is there a gremlin working in the office?

The Student Council meets up. They begin their sinister plans for Homecoming. The Sophomores will be planning the Court. If I start a campaign for Bel for Homecoming Queen, do I get to bet in my own deadpool? The Juniors work the Carnival. I am determined to win some sort of stupidly cute stuffed animal for my date. This may involve cheating. The Seniors are planning the dance itself. Alanna wants ideas for torturing the alumni. Isn't making them come back enough? Later in the meeting, JD suggests a dance-off. I'm afraid of you, dude. There's a vote for Student Council president. I already know it's not me. Unless there's a secret write-in campaign.

Oh, the Library enjoys patronage. You try fitting that kind of a headline into the present tense.

Dorm Dormy Dorm Dorm Dorm

Jim's an asshole. ...and still an asshole.

Willow and English Peter Guy do the cute snuggling thing. Let me here you say Awwwwwwwww.

Pippi is back! I have no idea where the hell she went, but she's back, and Pip's there to see it.

Jim remains an asshole.

John and Aeryn get domestic. Which isn't nearly as much fun as when they get sexy. Not that I've seen it. That'd be weird. Also, potentially hazardous to my health.

Lana is hurt because Jim's a giant douche. Lavender comforts her. How she does this is something I leave up to your imaginations.

Over in the Fourth Floor Common Room, Blair's watching scary movies. Willow shows up and they talk about the dumb of horror movie characters. Yes, run up the stairs. Now, tell the weird-looking stranger to call the police. Ignore the pruning shears. Buffy would tend to agree. Lavender doesn't have a date for Homecoming. Eric Weiss does. Not to gloat or anything. But Blair's there to help, in no way disrupting her self-image by describing the Freshman 15. Billy and Lavender and 10 out of 10 podiatrists agree -- being sick sucks. Joxer's afraid of the scary movie, but Kaylee's there to protect him.

Where The Streets Have Weird Names

Artie smells something funny. He who smelled it... has a nose. C'mon, I'm not in eighth grade here, people.

Blair shows up at Aero-dynamic-page-tiki to tell Lana that Jim is an asshole. I really cannot stress that point enough.

There's a great gathering of Winchesters at Fast Eddie's. Unconfirmed sources state that the janitorial crew is demanding double pay to clean up all the testosterone they laid down over the course of the evening. Maybe they could borrow the estrogen from Wilson and Phale's table. Did I just say that? Is this thing on?

Over at Caritas, drinks are served by Dean Bartender The Tick. And by drinks, I mean chocolate milk. Yay? He encourages Lana, who is having a bad time of it, what with Jim being a dick and all. Sister Rosette wants booze. I can't blame her, but The Tick isn't givin' it up. Aly suggests being sneaky. John Connor pops in to suggest maybe not pissing off the really massively huge superhero in blue tights. Good call John.

The Clinic is empty. The Tick's no-alcohol zone is ruining this town's health care economy. How are people supposed to have flimsy excuses for unrestrained aggression now?

Well, that's all the news that looked interesting. And some I'm just obligated to talk about. Remember kids, Homecoming is coming up. Get your suits ready or your dresses prepped. And going stag is only cool if you're actually a deer.
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
"Hey, folks. It's Eric Weiss again, spilling my manly guts about everything that's going on our island of weird. I'd like to start off with a personal message to all the potential lovebirds out there. If you're sitting and home, maybe thinking about that great date you had about a week ago, and wondering when you might have another one with the same person... Check your voicemail. It holds all the answers.

Enough of that, though. Let's move onto actual newsworthy stuff:

At Least Your Friday Afternoon is Free

Principal Washburn announces that Bel, Sam Carter, Schrodinger, and Billy will have detention with Ms. Frizzle. Welcome to the Science of Punishment. Is anyone else imagining Frizzle in black leather? Is anyone else grossly disturbed by this?

Jack Harkness take over Constant Vigilance this week, as he introduces alien species. And then he has the alien species introduce themselves, as members of the class pretend to be aliens and ask each other out. It's a little known fact that glow-in-the-dark bowling was invented by an Earthling trying to attract cosmic love. Another little known fact is that I just made that last part up. Phoebe has Bel-angst. Pheebs, look, this denial thing is crazy. Find yourself a nice guy who doesn't have random chemistry with every other guy not me on campus. It'll make things way easier. Jamie gathers the trash.

Prophecy lab talks palm reading. Everyone pairs up and reads each other's palms. Palm-reading can be a very intimate experience if you're doing it right. Bel and Blair get it. And hey, look -- Jamie gathers the trash.

Health. Stress Relief. Go. First there's a quiz on stress levels. JD lets everyone know that he's horny. Thanks for the info, dude. I'll pass it on to the appropriate parties. Then the class discusses stress management techniques. JD, you should listen here. It'll help with that problem you're having. Jamie, who is a trash-gathering maniac, gathers the trash.

Jamie proceeds to gather more trash at the office hours of Josh Lyman, Ms. Frizzle, Jessie Custer, Alianne, V, and Daniel Jackson. Oh and that cafeteria trash? Totally Madroxed.

Over in Days of Our FH Office, Bucky the Squirrel is in love. With a female reporter who is also a squirrel. Bucky can get lost, because it ain't happening, acorn-breath. ... Sorry, folks, that's just what I have written in the notes. Just in case you thought you could escape, Jamie collects the trash.

Stuff actually happens in the Library. Like, more than Jamie collecting the trash. Winchester and Winchester -- junior variety -- have good old-fashioned brotherly ribbing. That's the spirit, guys. Talk about manly things like... Homecoming. And boys in dresses. Why, Winchesters? Why have you failed me? Billy stalks around the library. Dude, just ask where the picture books are. Sam and Dawn are cute at each other. Intensely cute. Blindingly cute. Okay, not that cute. Alec wants a book on dinosaurs. There's a guy who's man enough to ask for the picture books. Way to go dude.

Students and the Dorms They Live In, This Week on Sally Joey Leonardo

In the Second Floor Common Room, Anders makes burgers. He fails to invite me. Jamie talks trash to Anders. Cameron smells meat. No comment. English Peter guy fears sharks will eat the weekend. They munch human flesh, dude, not time. Unless you're watching Teeth 3-D. You'll never see that time again.

Aeryn is working out on the punching bag. Jamie collects the trash and suggests that Darth Vader's just a whiny emo kid in need of hug. Yeah, right. I can see that happening. Hey, maybe he needs a date for Homecoming, too! Skywalker get his kicks from working with Aeryn. I crack myself up. Jim swings by, and Aeryn tells him the gym is the most normal place in the dorms. I think I'll be hanging out there more often now.

Isabel lets Bel know he's being dumb. The girl has no fear. I like it. Jamie collects her trash.

Apparently, Rory and Jaye discuss Homecoming. I don't have any more information than that, but I do suggest that if your voicemail has a message on it, you should check it. Not related, just saying. Jamie collects the freakin' trash.

Jim believes that Chad's bass-playing is not terrible. A solid endorsement. Jamie does a brand new dance... and it looks exactly like collecting Chad's trash.

Billy hangs out... by the ceiling. Jamie... wait. Jamie doesn't show up at all. Billy's trash festers. Sweet Jesus, thank you.

Willow and English Peter Guy go on a date. No further notes, but I'd like to add a soundtrack. Bow-chicka-wow-wow. Thank you.

In the evening, Jude's checking out the latest thrilling installment of Wormhole X-treme. He's into the whole audience participation thing, apparently. This is where I make a comment about how the characters on the television can't hear him, but this is Fandom. They probably can. Sleep with one eye open, Jude. Joxer does not want to be hung. There's no joke that won't make me sound like a douche. Suffice to say, Joxer's porn career has probably come to a premature end. Blair converts Joxer to a lifestyle of protesting and tofu. Setsuna is out of town for the weekend. Jude is sad. Blair's ADD kicks in and he starts talking about bones. Kaylee drops in and forgives Joxer for the naked girls in Myth. Waitwhatnow? I missed naked girls? I'm hanging out in all the wrong classes. Blair reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyomgsuperreallyreally likes River. Crazy loves company, apparently. Billy reveals he's doomed to the Frizz's S&M Detention Dungeon. Jamie... aw cripes. Jamie picks up garbage. I cannot win, I'm telling you.

Evie and Carmela have pie in the 5th Floor Common Room. Jamie picks up the trash. Eric Weiss installs an incinerator system in the dorms. Madrox is the first to go in.

Fandom, Fandom, It's a Wonderful Town. The School is Up and the Alcohol's Down. The Gremlins Ride in a Hole in the Ground.

Businesses that did no actual business today include Sparky Repairs, Empire Records, Cafe Fina, and The Clinic. That last one's probably a good thing.

Giles gets home. He and Dawn catch up. Rumors of cocoa and a roaring fire are unsubstantiated.

Lyman and Tex have a date at Ching Tai. I'm pretty sure Lyman survived the ordeal. I'm also sure that him having a date with Tex is, like, the worst idea ever.

A zombie gives GOB a black eye over in Caritas. Becky offers revenge... mostly because she's bored. Cally and Mac go on their first date. Neither get black eyes.

Well, that's all I've got right now, folks. Have a good night and check your voicemail.
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
Here we go again, folks. Another batch of weird and wit, all from the halls of dear old Fandom. I've been here two weeks now and it's not getting any less freakish. I love it.

You Either Have or You Haven't Got.... Class

I didn't have class today, but some people did, poor bastards. Some folks get even more school fun this weekend, too. Principal Washburne announced detention for Joxer, Teddy, Blair, Alanna, and Layla. I feel for you guys, but not the sharp pity that I have for Walter and Pip, who got called to the principal's office. Yikes.

In the same news, Jamie Madrox is head of the school's Beautification Committee. This is completely genius. I'm always trying to find ways to get somebody else to do the cleaning. Jamie's got that power built in. He's like the Tom Sawyer Fencepainting Service in a can.

Health discusses Nutrition. I remember the four food groups. Then it became the five food groups. Then there was this pyramid. Now there's a whole website just to learn what you should be eating based on your age and activity levels. Does anybody else wonder why nobody eats well anymore? The class talk about their eating habits over the past week. Jamie ate four whole chickens, apparently. Did they scream? Were they hard to swallow? How did you deal with the feathers?

Yondaime gives people a workout in Energy and Fitness. I realize that we should all work out more, but then I might lose my delightfully husky stature. You don't want that, do you? Anyway, Yondaime has the class running, jumping (out of the way) and climbing ropes. Just like good little Presidential Fitness Drones.

Over in Prophecy Lab, everyone shares what they learned about their lab partners. Blair is lonely and Bel agrees to be his partner. Seriously, folks. Is it just me or do the words "gay subtext" and "Bel" go together like Pamela Anderson and jiggling boobies? Then Anders confronts Bel, and Bel admits that he just can't quit him. Somebody stop me. Really. Somebody stop me. I don't wanna die horribly.

In Constant Vigilance, The Doctor lectures on evil megalomaniacs, who are not quite as threatening as evil Lego Maniacs. Gotta watch out for those, man. Beware the bricks. The students play Hero/Villain, and Kaylee fails at evil, surprising no-one.

And now, your office hour round-up. The following teachers, surprise, had office hours: Yondaime, Jesse Custer, Daniel Jackson, Josh Lyman, Alianne, Principal Zoe Washburne, Aziraphale, Jenny Calendar, and Laura Roslin. You're doomed if you didn't get your Add/Drop slip into the Fandom High Office today. Doomed, dude.

Yomiko opens the library. Crickets chirp.

Love Dorms. Lo-lo-love dorms. Love dorms, baby

Aeryn and John talk about porn. I love my job.

Jude and Sakurazaki snuggle. English-Peter-guy and Willow have a romantic outdoor lunch. Pip'n'Pippi also chow down in a lovin' way. Jack preps for a date with Sam. In related news, Eric Weiss needs a girlfriend.

At the big and sweaty gym of sexual frustration, Aeryn works off a little tension by herself and then with Luke. Billy and Aeryn acknowledge each other. (a clip from Strangers in the Night plays)

Cally holds taste tests on what I will not refer to as a still for legal reasons. Which is fine by my roomie Pete, because he thinks he's getting laid. That is, until he sees Joxer. Then his world goes all ambiguous. Thankfully, we are all spared the horrendous image of Pete and Joxer in a naked tryst by the fact that Pete nearly dies. He gets better. Well, better in the sense of not being dead, anyway.

Bel is watching wrestling in the 5th floor common room. And I'm not saying a damn thing. It's just... how much more ammo do I need, really? I'd feel cheap. Billy joins him. Do you like movies about gladiators, Billy? Anders and Bel need to get a room. Walter explains how he has to help beautify campus now. Billy and Jim talk... sort of. Is it just me or is calling Billy monosyllabic like calling rain wet? Jim threatens to break the gay streak in the room. Somebody had to.

Anders works with Photoshop. Nobody's gonna believe that's Bel's head on that beefcake's body, dude. Teddy's down with the Feng Shui. Billy lives dangerously on the ledge. Chad snores. Seriously, he lives down the hall from me. I heard it. I thought someone was being sawed in two.

Town of Hope, Town of Dreams

There's a new guy in town. Apparently, he's River's brother. Good thing, too. Man, did you know your sister's a psycho? Although she seems calm enough at the moment. Anyway, this guy also visits Kaylee over at Empire Records, and it's actually really sweet. If you're into that sort of thing. *cough*

Cam and Kawalsky: dork patrol. Yup, those two wacky hard K sounds skate down Apocalypse Avenue. Meanwhile, scientists report that the geek levels on Fandom Island have increased tenfold.

Lana sings while she works. But does she whistle? And... I'm taking this one verbatim from the notes because detail would ruin it -- "Parker tortures Zack at the spa." Billy looks for music to meditate to, because he needs to be more low-key apparently.

Well, that's all for tonight, folks. Catch you later!
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/weissguy_/
Hey, folks. This is Eric Weiss, the time is way too late, and this is Fandom Radio. Word of warning, folks: I'm new to the island, a little freaked out by all of you -- in a good way, and I'm relying heavily on this handy Fandom Glossary some cool person left out for me.

Little Scary Schoolhouse on the Island

Aziraphale's Prophecy class focused on historical seers. Funny how none of them predicted this place. Or maybe they did. "And in that time, there would come a place of learning... with crazy students and gremlins of all shapes and creeds. And lo, the female populace would be 67% more attractive than the rest of the world." Aziraphale announced a trip to Las Vegas at the end of class, which sent Bel, Joxer, and Dawn all flaily about who would sign their permission slip. I feel for ya, guys, and I'm told I have very mature handwriting if you need something forged. Except that I can't now that I've just announced that over the radio. Sorry.

In Media Studies, Logan-who-is-according-to-the-glossary-not-in-fact-a-bunny had the students pick their desert island top 4 songs, book, and item of complete uselessness. When I play this game, it's usually top 5 movies or top 5 female celebrities. Sometimes it's top 5 varieties of hard liquor. The lists contained an awful lot of heavy metal. Don't get me wrong. I love Highway to Hell as much as the next guy, but if I was on an arid, overwhelmingly hot desert island, I don't think I'd want to hear a bunch of guys with bad hair screaming about Hell. Gotta give a shout out to Sam Winchester, who picked War and Peace as his book. That's survival instinct. Once he finishes, he can use the weight of the book to stun island critters for dinner.

Intro to 21st Century American Culture introduced the phone and the computer to the bewildered students who don't have that kind of thing where they come from. Like magic places and the future. As part of her contribution to the betterment of cowboys, Jaye taught my roommate Pete how to crank call. And suddenly I'm very glad I don't use voicemail. Over at the computers, Kaylee showed Gwynn how to Google for "horses." There's a porn joke in there, but I think Pete and Joxer summed it up well enough. The Internet is really, really great...

Cross-species Communication headed to the park where Mary Poppins had the students talk to dogs. (pause) (shuffles through Glossary) Uh, says under Talking Animals: It happens. Don't freak out. Right. Later, Rev. Jesse crashed the class and he brought his dog, who Mary also had a conversation with.

Laura Roslin presides over Interstellar Relations. Relating between stars. You know, Sirius B swaggers up to Alpha Centauri in a bar and says, "Hey baby, you're setting up thermonuclear reactions in my core." (a cricket chirps somewhere in the studio) No? No. Sorry. I had delusions of funny for a second. I'll try to keep it reined in. Seriously, though. The class ran through definitions of a state and then why political systems can't all get along. Cally compared governments to self-centered teenagers, which is accurate as hell.

Spanish class happened.

Dr. Jackson talked Ancient Egypt. Evie tried for Geek of the Week. I hear she's a front-runner.

Some teachers had office hours today, including Mary Poppins, Thursday Next, El Mariachi, Elliot Reid, Dr. Wilson, Ellie Arroway, and Aziraphale. The Fandom High Office was also open for all your bureaucracy needs.

The Library announced new Library Aides today. Congrats to Bridge Carson, Isabel Evans, and Sam Winchester. You all like books way more than I do.

During Lunch, my favorite class of all, Naomi and Billy compared childhoods. Naomi got to live in SPACE. Naomi for the win. Walter... studied. Keep honin' those learning skills, Walt.

Co-ed Dorms: 90% 33% of the Reason Why I Came to Fandom

Isabel posted notification of Student Council Elections. Vote Eric Weiss, Junior representative. He might not know anything about the school, but innocence is a virtue. I just wish I had some.

Angela made delicious banana nut muffins in the third floor common room and watched a talk show. Lavender showed up and confirmed that she's a witch. That's kinda hot. On the "Goth or No Goth" spectrum of fashion, Billy and Angela both firmly agreed on "Goth," while Conner voted confused. Right there with you, pal. Peter-who-is-apparently-English and Conner wanted to buy more Saturdays. Can't help you there, fellas, but there's a bridge in Brooklyn I'm looking to burn off dirt cheap. Angela and Marty talked one-year anniversary. Angela is letting Marty do the planning. Oh, Angela. Never, ever let the dude plan the anniversary celebration. It'll be three weeks late and you'll wind up at the bar watching the game. I've watched too many relationships crash and burn this way. Get reservations somewhere nice just in case. Zuko suspected the muffins. I bet he doesn't drink the Kool-Aid, either. Buzzkill. Billy and Zuko attempted a conversation entirely in mime... until Billy realized that mime equals lame. Zuko got no-flinching points, though. Then he lost those points for dissing The Remote. The Remote is your God. Know it, love it, worship at its altar, heathen. Angela and English-Peter-guy talked about blowing up British buildings and how much they like rhymes. This place is twisted.

Apparently, Door's dormroom is the place to be. Cally hung out, Isabel and Alanna introduced themselves, and Carmela gave fashion commentary.

Isabel talked to Jaye about her brother, Bridge and English-Peter-guy hung out, and Dawn told Sam that her sister is a dog. (shuffle of glossary) Turning Into An Animal: Also happens. See: Logan-who-used-t'be-a-bunny.

Ranma and dog visited Sakurazaki. I hope this dog doesn't talk. A little later, Jude and Sakurazaki were apparently OMGSOCUTE. Seriously, it's what my notes say. I'd just go for "aw, sweet," myself, but if they wanna be OMGSOCUTE, I say let 'em.

Sam -- different Sam, girl Sam -- and Rory -- only Rory -- were both singin' in the dorms and sprucing up. (shuffles glossary again) Musical episode: Already happened. Count your blessings. Beware the pageant.

Mac had cookies and a laptop in the fourth floor common room. What am I doing here? Cute girl and cookies? I signed up for the wrong gig. Lavender wandered in later, and Mac explained her laptop. Jake shrieked like a girl at the prospect of no coffee. Wait... Jake *is* a girl? Kind of a manly name, but hey, no judgments here. Krycek swooped in, very dude-like, with coffee. Krycek to the rescue. There should be a television series.

Billy got his chakras on outside. Dig the poncho.

Lana and Walter talked in the 3rd Floor Common room. Conner popped in, still looking to buy a Saturday. Good luck on that, man. Let me know if you find a seller. I'll chip in.

Downtown. Everything's Waiting For You. Like Tequila.

Over at Empire Records, Agnes asked Chad to show her around. He preached punk rock. Anarchy in the Fandom...K, baby.

Sister Rosette hung out in the church while it rained. Is it too much to ask that she's a saucy, mischievous nun and not Our Lady of the Skinned Knuckles?

Wilson and Aziraphale got cozy in the park. You know, I think that's beautiful. There aren't enough men willing to canoodle with their agent of heaven in public. Bravo, guys. Seriously.

Alfred is trying to poison us all. But at least he's polite about it.

Jarod opened Caritas, with a new look for the musical accompaniment. Zombie band: now in unliving color.

Over at the Clinic, everybody visited River. Maybe I'm not understanding the whole "she beat the crap out of people" principle, but I'd actually avoid that area of town. Buffy should, anyway, since it apparently turned her into a puppy.

Well, that's all from me, but I leave you with one parting thought, direct from the Glossary.

Underaged Drinking: A survival instinct in Fandom.

Fandom High RPG

About the Game

---       Master Game Index
---       Thinking of Joining?
---       Application Information
---       Existing Character Directory

In-Character Comms

School and Grounds
---       Fandom High School
---       Staff Lounge
---       TA Lounge
---       Student Dorms

Around the Island
---       Fandom Town
---       Fandom Clinic

---       Radio News Recaps
---       Student Newspaper
---       IC Social Media Posts

Off-Island Travel
---       FH Trips

Once Upon a Time...
---       FH Wishverse AU

Out-of-Character Comms

---       Main OOC Comm
---       Plot Development
---       OOC-but-IC Fun


Fandom High is a not-for-profit text-based game/group writing exercise, featuring fictional characters and settings from a variety of creators, used without permission but for entertainment purposes only.