WTFH

"Evening everyone, this is Faithful, here to bring you tonight's news." *The sounds of a door slamming and someone running in could be heard.* Faithful! Get off! You promised to stay quiet! Did you start the broadcast already? Get off get off get off!

Ahem, this is Alanna, with Faithful in tow since he snuck in while I was being taught how to use the equipment. *A sharp scratching noise can be heard.* Faithful, if you don't cut it out I'm locking you in my closet for the end of the term, I'm nervous enough already! *The last sentence is fuzzy, as if the speaker has turned away from the microphone to yell at her pet cat.* So, all the news that's fit to gossip about, coming up.

Stuck in Class
Figured you had a bad day? Don't worry, so did most everyone else. In announcements today, Professor Dream is offering independent study to a few lucky students, Dr. House is still collecting blood samples, the vice-principal and two Deans volunteer to be tortured instead of the Principal, and three students already have detention. Come on guys, two days in to term and there's already detention being handed out? "Took you only a day, back in the day." *A cat could be heard chuckling, along with a girl sighing.*Bridge, if you haven't met with the Dean yet, try to do so tomorrow. James and Maia dealt with the administrators today.

Plenty of teachers hold office hours including Professor Quayle, Professor Chaucer, Professor Eppes, Professor Gilmore, Professor, um, The Doctor, Professor Sidle, Professor Calendar, and Professor Cregg. *there's a slight pause* Do I even know who half these people are?

In the Teacher's Lounge, Professor Calendar and uh, Professor Eighth gossip about Professor Calendar's boyfriend. In some ways, teachers are very similar to their students.

Class time, ain't it grand? Right, who am I kidding. Advanced Criminal Justice discuss what they have done for JUSTICE! and make name tags. I wanna be in that class! History of Art looks at Ancient Egyptian Art. "They worshiped cats, you know". Thank you Faithful. "Welcome." Anyhow, Studio Art students don't do much. Then again, neither do most other classes. Creative Writing students introduce themselves, but then they get to ask their classmates two questions and then read poetry. Speech classes meet. Speech 201 writes an introduction and Speech 301 talk about when communication didn't save them. Political Campaigning. Political Campaigning. Political Campaigning. "Oh for goodness sake. Political Campaigning met, a few students who shall not be named got really, really nervous, other than that, it seems like an interesting class, maybe I'll join. Move on to the next class now, there's a good girl." Closet. *Again, a quiet cat chuckle can be heard.* Sociology of Sex Cultures does the introduction thing. All clothes stay on. Introduction to Archaeology has a spelling quiz. I would have flunked that class already. Foreign Lit in Translation meets, as does Arthurian Legends, Biology and Chemistry, Advanced Journalism, History of Medieval England, History of Western Civilization, Business Law and HR Management.

Administrators have office hours too you know. Dean Zoe has a quiet day unlike Dean Zordon who gets visits from Janet, John Crichton, Victor, Principal Smith and Maia, in that order. Why do we have two Deans? "I think you're setting a record for the amount of questions asked on air." I'm curious! Principal Smith holds office hours as well. You know, this guy spooks me a lot less than the old one.

To summarize for everyone who's fallen asleep, teachers have office hours, students introduce themselves.


Around the School
The assistants lounge is now clean. TA's, Clinic Aides, and Library Assistants are more than welcome to stop by as Angela, Jake, Callisto and I did. I was not moaning! *Pause* It was more of a whining.

Vote for Phoebe for Junior Rep! She has candy! Vote for Anakin for Senior Rep! He broods! Vote for Archie! Or possibly his hat! "If a hat is running, doesn't that mean I can?" Faithful, please, you promised me you won't take over the school. "It just sounds fun. I'd probably win too." *Pause* Faithful, if you do, I'm sending you back to Jon. And remember last time? When he forgot to feed you? "Hm!"

Deliveries! Not that many today, actually. Lyta gets a warning about gremlins and a survival kit from her Secret Sibling. You know, I've never actually even seen a gremlin. Do they exist or are they just a myth we use to scare people? Then again, I've seen people affected by gremlins, which while being extremely funny is not really something I would like to happen to me. Molly gets a Zombie game. I'm kind of glad those things never came back. Blair gets a monkey. The jokes just make themselves.

The Library is never boring, and today is not an exception. Now, I heard that the librarian is a monkey. Anyone want to confirm or deny this? "Does he talk?" No clue. Lee decides to get an early start on his studies. Is this normal or a sign of the apocalypse? Blair and Janet talk about the moon landing and "the man". For people playing along at home, add that to the list of things someone has got to explain to me. Pip and Victor get library cards. I think it's a slow news day. Bel checks out a book on disaster. Try the dorms, they're a very good example. Sam has Janet's book bag. Definitely a slow news day. "Maybe there's fish in it?" *Pause* Eeeew!

The clinic is open and Phale brings gingersnaps. Doctor House, if there's any left, can you save some for me? I have an odd love for gingersnaps. Miss Parker, Shep, and Walter stop by the clinic as well.

The Cafeteria is open for lunch. Now, this might just be my opinion, Cameron, but if the chef himself is not sure what the food is, wouldn't it be better to oh, not eat it? Then again, I've poisoned people with my oatmeal, so I'm really not one to judge. Sam and Cameron argue whether Blue or Red jello is better. Isn't it just water with food coloring kinda frozen? *Pause* Green. All the way.

Around the school, crazy stuff happens. And some sane stuff too. Kikisulks in the fourth floor common room and wants someone to kiss Draco. *Pause* Lily, I hope she's thinking of you. Yuffie gets advise about Fandom. Here's my tip: nod and smile and stay away from the cafeteria food.

There's a water fight on the second floor between Cam, John, Yuffie, Vala, and Nadia. The later wounds up stripping. Ladies, please, keep your clothes on unless you're around your significant others. *Pause* Guys, same to you, only feel free to take off your shirts if you've got something to show. Trust me, you'll make a lot of people happy. Eh, at some point during the water fight Blair, Ivanova, Lee, Isabel, Victor, Cordy, Lana, Izzie, Zero, Sawyer, Sharon, and Sam join in.

On the second floor, Sam gets annoyed at the lack of blue jello and decides to do something about it. Save some for me? It jiggles! What's in jello anyway?

Miss Parker helps Marty campaign. I don't think he appreciates her help, however, I'd be glad if someone helped me put up posters in places I can't reach. "Isn't that just pretty much everywhere?" And how far can you jump, your highness? "Relatively higher than you." Oh, Vote for Miss Parker! She is awesome and has really cool shoes that I can never wear without falling flat on my face! Angel puts up posters of Callisto in his room. Aw. Jack gets chased by a vampire, and not in the fun romantic way either.

Boone is awake. Is it this is such a rare occurrence that it needs its own announcement? And I thought my cat slept a lot. "I do not! I sleep a lot less than a regular cat!" And a lot more than a regular human! Shep, Lana, Han, Maia, and Sawyer, the later two having made up, all go skinny-dipping. What's skinny-dipping and why does it involve the removal off all clothes?

Parker and Angel are very popular tonight. Miss P gets visits from Lee, Cal, and Rory. They play with a talking xBox. One, what's an xBox? Two, is it supposed to talk? Three, if the answer to two is no, why does Miss Parker's talk? Angel is visited by Logan, Cam, Jaye, Rory, and *Pause* Faithful? "Meow?" Forget it. "I'm not allowed to talk with friends?" Forget it. "Why am I not allowed to visit people?" You're allowed to, you're allowed to, just, stop chewing on that. "It's chewy!" Closet. "Fine."

In town
Meet the Mayor!. Caritas employees will be heading up to New York. Remind to visit there at some point this summer because that place sounds awesome. During it's open state, Caritas Jack and Veronica mope. With beer. Tuesdays=slow night. Discuss.

Aziraphale’s, which is apparently a book store, is open. I'm not the only one who's confused, because Lee stops in to talk with the ferret. Wasn't there something about ferret kissing during the telephone break down? Is this the ferret in question? Also, we have a pub? That teachers frequent? If we're voting for the most confused student ever, I nominate myself. "I second that!" I'm glad you have faith in me. "Leave the bad puns to me." *Pause and a deep sigh can be heard, as well the sound of someone hitting their head on a hard surface*

Public Service announcement: If you find out your cat talks, run for it. You won't have a private life and you will be constantly teased. *Loud snickering can be heard in the background*

Wonka's is the candy store I was going to buy people's presents in but I forgot. "I'm sure everyone really wanted to know that." Shut up, I needed an introduction. Anyway, Ivanova is the newest worker. Good luck dear! Pippi stops by as well.

Over at the Emporium, she buys cricket bats. Cricket bats, as close to a weapon you're allowed to have unless your name is Alanna or Walter. Again, this is a friendly reminder that no weapons are allowed on campus. Cricket bats are not weapons, nor are baseball bats, perfume, or high heels.

Freshmen bonfire! Do they cook the freshmen there? Really, my first day? I was greeted by a guy two years older than me who called me a country pig and slammed me into a wall. I spent my first few months hoping he wouldn't break anything other than my arm. And these guys gets presents and flowers and candy! You all don't know how lucky you are. "Done grumbling, grandma." I hate you. "Love you too, Alanna." Aw, how sweet, now stop chewing that! Okay, bonfire. Walter and Yuffie plan. World domination. Pippi thinks Han is a grinding pervert. You know the thing I said about the Freshmen being cooked? Can we keep this one? I like her. Blair tells Nadia how Bridge works for a dog. Walter and Nadia confuse their green guys. You know, I don't even have to say anything here. The jokes kind of make themselves. The Freshmen choose Pip, Pippi, Victor, and Blair to run for Student Council. I honestly think they're the only class where I actually know who's running. And that includes my own, which I am running for.

This just in, there are some new posters up on the walls. Anakin, I think you may have some trouble with that campaign, but if that's the way you wanna go, don't let me stop you. Vote Anakin! He wants to bring back curfew! Oh, and one more. Vote for Angel! Um, I don't know, Faithful, you got anything? "He's cool?" Vote Angel! The talking cat likes him!

Stop by the Gremlin Support Group! Wednesday night, in the second floor lounge at six o'clock. Brownies provided!

Anyway, that's it for me. If you want to answer any of the various questions I raised tonight, feel free to stop by Self Defense club tomorrow night in the gym. Or call my cell. Hopefully, the cat didn't screw things up too badly and you guys can actually hear this without that annoying sound that I get sometimes. "Me screw things up?" Faithful, you were chewing on the wires! That cannot be good! "Well you didn't bring me any string!" Faithful, you weren't even supposed to be here! No, don't touch that! Faithful, come back h-