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fandom_radio2006-12-04 04:51 pm
drywitmartini.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2006-12-04 04:51 pm
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Fandom Radio - Sunday, December 4
"Ladies, gentlemen, trolls, this is the late, great ex-Captain Vice Pierce Principal Hawkeye Esquire the Third. This is the radio owned by the pirate, which I'm not qualified for. Radio operating or piracy, but doctoring I am qualified for and yet I'm not doing it. At all. Go figure. Here I am with a microphone instead of a scalpel. And that. What's that? That, my good friends, although you can't see it, is a bottle of the finest malt whiskey this side of the Chesapeake. That may not mean anything to you, but it does to my pickled liver.
School: Where Lessons Are Learned, Except For The "DON'T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE" One
Jake had the right idea and was wandering the halls gathering supplies. No wait, he was protecting tomorrow's breakfast. Seely looked like he'd been through a war but still wanted to rescue Willow, and if that doesn't say something for his character, I don't know what would. Door the student not door the inanimate object told Jake about the trolls, then tried to get Seely to the clinic.
Z woke up in pain like half of Fandom. Belthazor and Samuel Anders woke up together and may be indulging in marital bliss amongst the chaos. War time marriages rarely work out, boys. John and Aeryn try to protect each other, but they're too stubborn for their own good. Cally and Mac acted like NORMAL teenagers and stayed barricaded in Mac's room like the Principal told them to. John Connor talked to himself, Ray stared at Molly, Joxer was macho, boy-like and kind of stupid, but he had Nurse Kaylee on the job to keep him distracted.
The Fifth Floor Common Room was where those who had had their fill of fighting went tonight. Marty kept her company, Walter brought her ice that was too cold and the monkey brought her a banana. Cally was surprised Nadia wasn't out killing trolls. That's because Nadia doesn't have a troll-killing license. That's right. Anyone who doesn't have a license to kill trolls is going to be fined. Pay up. Walter told Cally about destroying a golf cart, and not a golf cat like I first read. Either way, it's coming out of your allowance. Marty says there's no shame in not fighting.
Marty Blank: Fandom's very own Confucious.
And finally, in an unwavering act of patriotism, heroics and whatever other shiny phrases they use to get people to put their bodies in harm's way, The Doctor Currently Known As Cher had people sign up for a rescue mission. Note to self: revise interview process, remove all candidates who recruit students into vigilante squads. Note to self: ignore former note since it's unlikely you'll be able to find anyone who will want to teach here who isn't already crazy enough to do that.
The draftees: Great Balls of Fire, the Cheerleader, Flyboy Wannabe, Dances With Visa, Sir Bowsalot, Bright-As-A-Tomato Boy, The Flying Argentinian, Batshit Junior, Eric Clapton Muse, Likes Great Balls of Fire, Tyler Durden, Mercenary Light, Redhead of the High Seas, Window and More Than Just a Pretty Face.
The whole package came complete with free weapons, a plan, a weekend in your favorite troll-infested island and an insir...inspar...inspirational speech. Offer not valid in Kansas.
Town, Or What's Left Of It
Az and Wilson had a busy day, with breakfast in the morning and going home at night. What a novel idea. In not so novel approaches, but more like novella or short story approaches, the junk yard was occupied overnight by Kawalsky, Alanna, Alianne and Sam Carter.
All and Sundries is closed for the day, Jacks' Roses is closed for good because of our visitors, the Arms hattened down the batches, Lucy threw the trolls out of his bar because they didn't have appropriate ID and Billy tried to take on five trolls at the former ice rink. Billy's an idiot. I want to be able to give detention out to people for being idiots.
Caritas was the place to be this afternoon when it was closed. The lovely but deadly Zoe was there to set up a base of operations and talk to GOB. Cher talked his way out of getting fired, Jesse and New York Peter joined the party. Cameron saluted, Pippi danced the Cha Cha, Parker tried not to complain about anything, Zoe and Professor Dad hugged and were inspiring, Jane got herself a drink and GOB became her new best friend. Jane called Cher ugly, Cher asked Az for a miracle, Janice arrived, the junk yard junkies stopped by too for warm cocoa, Parker and Sam shared war wounds, Billy bled everywhere, Clark asked for a weapon, Cameron and Samantha were antsy, Pippi, Pip and El were cute. El was cute? I don't think my brain can handle that kind of mental image at this hour. Dawn was there, so was her rhyming buddy Shawn who healed Isabel and Billy. English made an appearance, Seely showed up to rescue Willow, but Willow was already there and she talked to English, waved to Dawn, chatted with Pippi, Billy and Parker. Door arrived through the door. Isabel talked to Willow and Parker.
Then it was time for another inspiring announcement and they were off!
By the time Caritas actually opened, only GOB was there, singing Queen. GOB's a singing queen. Someone should buy him a crown. Or a tiara with sparkly plastic diamonds.
The clinic was busy as it usually is when random mythical beings attack our fair shores.
During the day, Doctor Goodchild was in charge, but Doctor Lambert was there too. So were Seely, Billy, Jane, Cher, Ranma, Isabel, Draco, Jude, Chad, Logan Cale, Thursday and probably Friday-through-Wednesday as well.
During the night, Stark was in charge, but Doctor Lambert and Doctor Reid were there too. So were Naomi, Cameron, Lana, Jim, Jarod, Az, Sam Carter, Jack, Bel, Doctor Venture, Doctor Venture's eyeball, Pippi, John Connor, Dean Winchester, Logan Cale, Thursday, Mary Sue, Billy Bob and Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Fighting Trolls: It's What Fandom Does When It's Not Fighting Jello Dragons, Snow Monsters, Mummies, Vampires, Demons, Weetiny Kittens and Zombies
There was a rescue mission at Efferton Manor. Jarod snuggled with Lana and was civil to Jack, Lorelai talked to Elliot and Vaja brought her away. I don't know who Vaja is. Or Elliot. Or Lorelai. Who are you people? Where am I? What month is this?
Bel came to rescue Phoebe and ended up in the closet. I think it's a little late for that, Bel.
Conner paced, Blair met Dr Venture and arranged a scholarship, Broots was miserable and taken to the conservatory, possibly with a lead pipe. Summer and Mary were moved. Jack talked to Evie, flirted with Koasa and tried to get stuff. Molly was dragged off, Matilda and the twins woke up and Bart found more pantry toys.
Cher led the fight outside, but only after trying to reason with them. Everyone got in on the action. If you want to know who, talk to your friends. Or listen as I tell you. Pippi, Parker, Aly, Alanna, Sam Carter, Door, Buffy, River, Jim, Shawn, Isabel, Cam, Layla, Dean, Pip, Dawn, English, Professor Dad, Ranma and Tyler. Some rescuers went to the kitchen, Professor Dad Junior the Second was rescued from Vaja's heaving cleavage. Just in the nick of time, but not in the time of Nick which was either 1825-1855 or 1894-1917 depending on which Nick we're talking about. Some success! In the conservatory. With the smoking pipe. With Professor Apricot. Amongst all of the rescuing, Cameron handed Molly off to Ray, who was cute with her.
Alas, the tale doesn't end there despite the fact that my bottle does. There were still some captives left in Efferton Manor tonight. Lana woke up on Jarod, Alec had female trolls fighting over him. I'm sure he hated it. Bel finally came out of the closet again and found Phoebe, Jack used his feminine wiles to get out.
On the outside, there be fighting! The notes are underlined as if that's meant to be news. The fighters were Cameron, Parker, Clark, Jim, Anders, Seely, Sam Carter, Layla, Teddy, Dawn, Sam Winchester, English, Alanna, Isabel, Dean Winchester, Zuko, Pippi, Willow, Billy, Gwynn and Shawn. And if you weren't mentioned, then the squirrels hate you and you should either be thankful for your privacy or bribe them with nuts.
And now, like all good church-going Christians do on Sunday, a bunch of people went to church. Door and Jane dealt with a secret passage, New York Peter and Janice fought dirty in the choir box, Jesse and Az went through the sanctuary. Why did they go through a sanctuary? Isn't a sanctuary meant to be safe? Why didn't we just go and stay in there for the weekend?
Oh, because they wanted to go to the bell tower. There was fighting and dancing. There was a musical in the bell tower? Why wasn't I invited? Don't you people like me anymore?
WAIT. Wait. Breaking news. Or it was breaking when I started this broadcast six and half years ago. Door rang the bells and the trolls have GONE. Sound the alarm! Break out the drinks! Bring me the finest martinis and breadsticks in the land.
Or go hang out at The Devil's Nest like Wilson with the new stone trolls out the front. Or throw up like Billy or beat up a robot like Doctor Venture. Or head home, like Isabel and Greg, English and Willow, Teddy, Sam and Jack, Jude and Chad. Or you could go and eat pizza in the first floor lobby or go up to the roof.
Or something. I don't care as long as you let me sleep. This is Hawkeye. You're listening to the radio. There were trolls. They left. Bye bye now."
School: Where Lessons Are Learned, Except For The "DON'T GO LOOKING FOR TROUBLE" One
Jake had the right idea and was wandering the halls gathering supplies. No wait, he was protecting tomorrow's breakfast. Seely looked like he'd been through a war but still wanted to rescue Willow, and if that doesn't say something for his character, I don't know what would. Door the student not door the inanimate object told Jake about the trolls, then tried to get Seely to the clinic.
Z woke up in pain like half of Fandom. Belthazor and Samuel Anders woke up together and may be indulging in marital bliss amongst the chaos. War time marriages rarely work out, boys. John and Aeryn try to protect each other, but they're too stubborn for their own good. Cally and Mac acted like NORMAL teenagers and stayed barricaded in Mac's room like the Principal told them to. John Connor talked to himself, Ray stared at Molly, Joxer was macho, boy-like and kind of stupid, but he had Nurse Kaylee on the job to keep him distracted.
The Fifth Floor Common Room was where those who had had their fill of fighting went tonight. Marty kept her company, Walter brought her ice that was too cold and the monkey brought her a banana. Cally was surprised Nadia wasn't out killing trolls. That's because Nadia doesn't have a troll-killing license. That's right. Anyone who doesn't have a license to kill trolls is going to be fined. Pay up. Walter told Cally about destroying a golf cart, and not a golf cat like I first read. Either way, it's coming out of your allowance. Marty says there's no shame in not fighting.
Marty Blank: Fandom's very own Confucious.
And finally, in an unwavering act of patriotism, heroics and whatever other shiny phrases they use to get people to put their bodies in harm's way, The Doctor Currently Known As Cher had people sign up for a rescue mission. Note to self: revise interview process, remove all candidates who recruit students into vigilante squads. Note to self: ignore former note since it's unlikely you'll be able to find anyone who will want to teach here who isn't already crazy enough to do that.
The draftees: Great Balls of Fire, the Cheerleader, Flyboy Wannabe, Dances With Visa, Sir Bowsalot, Bright-As-A-Tomato Boy, The Flying Argentinian, Batshit Junior, Eric Clapton Muse, Likes Great Balls of Fire, Tyler Durden, Mercenary Light, Redhead of the High Seas, Window and More Than Just a Pretty Face.
The whole package came complete with free weapons, a plan, a weekend in your favorite troll-infested island and an insir...inspar...inspirational speech. Offer not valid in Kansas.
Town, Or What's Left Of It
Az and Wilson had a busy day, with breakfast in the morning and going home at night. What a novel idea. In not so novel approaches, but more like novella or short story approaches, the junk yard was occupied overnight by Kawalsky, Alanna, Alianne and Sam Carter.
All and Sundries is closed for the day, Jacks' Roses is closed for good because of our visitors, the Arms hattened down the batches, Lucy threw the trolls out of his bar because they didn't have appropriate ID and Billy tried to take on five trolls at the former ice rink. Billy's an idiot. I want to be able to give detention out to people for being idiots.
Caritas was the place to be this afternoon when it was closed. The lovely but deadly Zoe was there to set up a base of operations and talk to GOB. Cher talked his way out of getting fired, Jesse and New York Peter joined the party. Cameron saluted, Pippi danced the Cha Cha, Parker tried not to complain about anything, Zoe and Professor Dad hugged and were inspiring, Jane got herself a drink and GOB became her new best friend. Jane called Cher ugly, Cher asked Az for a miracle, Janice arrived, the junk yard junkies stopped by too for warm cocoa, Parker and Sam shared war wounds, Billy bled everywhere, Clark asked for a weapon, Cameron and Samantha were antsy, Pippi, Pip and El were cute. El was cute? I don't think my brain can handle that kind of mental image at this hour. Dawn was there, so was her rhyming buddy Shawn who healed Isabel and Billy. English made an appearance, Seely showed up to rescue Willow, but Willow was already there and she talked to English, waved to Dawn, chatted with Pippi, Billy and Parker. Door arrived through the door. Isabel talked to Willow and Parker.
Then it was time for another inspiring announcement and they were off!
By the time Caritas actually opened, only GOB was there, singing Queen. GOB's a singing queen. Someone should buy him a crown. Or a tiara with sparkly plastic diamonds.
The clinic was busy as it usually is when random mythical beings attack our fair shores.
During the day, Doctor Goodchild was in charge, but Doctor Lambert was there too. So were Seely, Billy, Jane, Cher, Ranma, Isabel, Draco, Jude, Chad, Logan Cale, Thursday and probably Friday-through-Wednesday as well.
During the night, Stark was in charge, but Doctor Lambert and Doctor Reid were there too. So were Naomi, Cameron, Lana, Jim, Jarod, Az, Sam Carter, Jack, Bel, Doctor Venture, Doctor Venture's eyeball, Pippi, John Connor, Dean Winchester, Logan Cale, Thursday, Mary Sue, Billy Bob and Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo.
Fighting Trolls: It's What Fandom Does When It's Not Fighting Jello Dragons, Snow Monsters, Mummies, Vampires, Demons, Weetiny Kittens and Zombies
There was a rescue mission at Efferton Manor. Jarod snuggled with Lana and was civil to Jack, Lorelai talked to Elliot and Vaja brought her away. I don't know who Vaja is. Or Elliot. Or Lorelai. Who are you people? Where am I? What month is this?
Bel came to rescue Phoebe and ended up in the closet. I think it's a little late for that, Bel.
Conner paced, Blair met Dr Venture and arranged a scholarship, Broots was miserable and taken to the conservatory, possibly with a lead pipe. Summer and Mary were moved. Jack talked to Evie, flirted with Koasa and tried to get stuff. Molly was dragged off, Matilda and the twins woke up and Bart found more pantry toys.
Cher led the fight outside, but only after trying to reason with them. Everyone got in on the action. If you want to know who, talk to your friends. Or listen as I tell you. Pippi, Parker, Aly, Alanna, Sam Carter, Door, Buffy, River, Jim, Shawn, Isabel, Cam, Layla, Dean, Pip, Dawn, English, Professor Dad, Ranma and Tyler. Some rescuers went to the kitchen, Professor Dad Junior the Second was rescued from Vaja's heaving cleavage. Just in the nick of time, but not in the time of Nick which was either 1825-1855 or 1894-1917 depending on which Nick we're talking about. Some success! In the conservatory. With the smoking pipe. With Professor Apricot. Amongst all of the rescuing, Cameron handed Molly off to Ray, who was cute with her.
Alas, the tale doesn't end there despite the fact that my bottle does. There were still some captives left in Efferton Manor tonight. Lana woke up on Jarod, Alec had female trolls fighting over him. I'm sure he hated it. Bel finally came out of the closet again and found Phoebe, Jack used his feminine wiles to get out.
On the outside, there be fighting! The notes are underlined as if that's meant to be news. The fighters were Cameron, Parker, Clark, Jim, Anders, Seely, Sam Carter, Layla, Teddy, Dawn, Sam Winchester, English, Alanna, Isabel, Dean Winchester, Zuko, Pippi, Willow, Billy, Gwynn and Shawn. And if you weren't mentioned, then the squirrels hate you and you should either be thankful for your privacy or bribe them with nuts.
And now, like all good church-going Christians do on Sunday, a bunch of people went to church. Door and Jane dealt with a secret passage, New York Peter and Janice fought dirty in the choir box, Jesse and Az went through the sanctuary. Why did they go through a sanctuary? Isn't a sanctuary meant to be safe? Why didn't we just go and stay in there for the weekend?
Oh, because they wanted to go to the bell tower. There was fighting and dancing. There was a musical in the bell tower? Why wasn't I invited? Don't you people like me anymore?
WAIT. Wait. Breaking news. Or it was breaking when I started this broadcast six and half years ago. Door rang the bells and the trolls have GONE. Sound the alarm! Break out the drinks! Bring me the finest martinis and breadsticks in the land.
Or go hang out at The Devil's Nest like Wilson with the new stone trolls out the front. Or throw up like Billy or beat up a robot like Doctor Venture. Or head home, like Isabel and Greg, English and Willow, Teddy, Sam and Jack, Jude and Chad. Or you could go and eat pizza in the first floor lobby or go up to the roof.
Or something. I don't care as long as you let me sleep. This is Hawkeye. You're listening to the radio. There were trolls. They left. Bye bye now."
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Either way, a not-awake John Connor mumbled something about not being batshit junior, just sanity impaired.
[ooc: that may end up being John's new title: John Connor, Batshit Junior.]
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Hmmm. It was almost a year since she subscribed to a year's worth of vodka for Hawkeye. Maybe it was time to renew that subscription....
[*dances with Visa! The chacha! *heee*]