Fandom Radio :: December 26th.

[stocksgrrl.livejournal.com]

Turtle: Good evening, Fellow Fandomites, and happy holidays! You're listening, as usual, to Turtle Wexler Friday Nights, but there's something very special about this particular Friday night. I've got a guest! Say hi to everyone, guest.

Jeff: *distant voice that sounds like he's miles away from the camera* ...hi everyone. It's radio!

Turtle: *whispers* Closer to the mic, Jeff. It doesn't bite, remember?

Jeff: *still distant* I've still got allergies, Turtle!

Turtle: *long pause* Right. The allergies. How could I forget. Well, you do remember how to read the notes, right, Jeff?

Jeff: I can read them from here. If I squint a bit. Did that say 'squirrel mousse'?

Turtle: *sigh* I'll start.



SCHOOL

Turtle: There is no school stuff, because there was no school. Kind of nice when that happens.

Jeff: It made it easier to stay in the dorms. It's safer in the dorms. Mother's only gotten in once.

DORMS

Jeff: Jan swims out to sea, apparently, and the squirrels are chittering a bit about spotting weird round things with horns, but they're not sure since there was a lot of ocean involved. I hope you brought a lifevest, Jan!

Turtle: Well, unicorns can swim, right? Unicorns can do anything. Triela was looking a little beat up...yeeesh...when she got back from the holidays. She and Ender talk about how she got shot...TRIELA! Don't get shot! Jack offered the help her carry her stuff, but Triela, being Triela, said she was fine, despite that she GOT SHOT.

Jeff: I hate it when people get shot. *pause* You know, 'cos of the, er, bleeding and everything. Nothing good ever happened while bleeding.

Turtle: ...eeewwwww. Anyway, away from bleeding, I got home from crappy Wisconsin to my glomping boyfriend, and, well, none of you need to know what happened next, thank you.

Jeff: TWO TIMES!

Turtle: JEFF!

Jeff: What? I'm not specifying!

Turtle: You don't need to, with the imaginations for things they don't need to know that people around here have. Urg. We probably didn't also need to know about Amber convincing Liir to model leather pants, but I still stand by my conviction that at least it's not the face-spitter anymore.

Jeff: There's a Leather Trousers Horizon, you know. He has to be careful not to breach it. Evil, Amber. Evil.

Turtle: And Hannibal was lounging with magazines, which Ender thinks is lazy and goes on about some project with Mister Stark, because Ender doesn't know the meaning of the words 'winter break.' Forget the fact that I'm actually right with him in wanting to get plenty of work done when there isn't school in the way. Angela teases Hannibal about still being in his jammies.

Jeff: Jack's being a bit-- what's the word-- 'emo' about the Triela thing, Turtle. I suppose that's happens when you get shot. ...I'd rather not think about it. In better news that doesn't involve people getting shot or horribly murdered or forced to stay at brunch with their relatives, Jaina and John are back! There's happiness and uncertainty, which is bound to happen 'round Christmas 'cos you never know what relative is going to jump out of what bushes this time, do you? It's perfectly acceptable to sulk. I would!


TOWN

Jeff: So. Chad's at Groovy Tunes. Chad! It's boxing day! I'm fairly certain it's a bank holiday. And the same goes for Viki! It's a holiday! It'd be a bit odd to go to work on a holiday, it's just adding extra risk by getting out of the house. But not only did Jen open Pizza Planet, Jack even came in to get some pizza. That's cruel, Jack. You can't talk to people on a holiday. Things go horribly wrong when people talk to people on a holiday. Oh! Hurley! You know better than to go into work! Do I need to take you aside about it, 'cos it's sort of vital. See, the thing about bank holidays is that they are innately dangerous. There's relatives about, the girl you're dating might run into them, or you while you're shopping, and then there's a lot of confusion and that can never work out well. There's few things more dangerous than going out on a bank holiday, Hurley! Ask Jenny Sparks, she was hungover, it's just asking for trouble.

Turtle: At the beach, Gavin wrote a letter. Ooooh. Is he going to put it in a bottle and throw it out to sea? That'd be kind of neat, although probably not too effective.

Jeff: In news that doesn't involve the beach or bottles, there's cooking at mister Dex's house! I hope there weren't any relatives involved, because that'd be awful. Then mister Minsc wrecks his house after a letter. I'm sorry! Was it your grandmother? They tend to be a bit harsh and it's understandable that you'd want to wreck things afterwards. If you're lucky, it'll even discourage the relatives from coming over again 'cos they tend to be attracted to nice furniture. In terms of the wrong way to handle Christmas decorations, miss Day is apologising to her plants. Don't do it! If they enjoy it, they might get nicer, and then people will come over, and you'll be trying to have your mother for tea while she checks all of your pants for any 'problems'!

Turtle: And, over at Caritas, Mister Bindo still can't find a happy decoration medium. Quote, unquote Lance Faircroft tried to question Mister Bindo on the hiring of minors at his establishment, before flirting with Mister Biff, both of whom sang on the stage. Detective Constable Day sent Mister Faircroft a drink, probably for all his hard work trying to bust Mister Bindo, but she also chatted with Mister Bindo about how businessmen are sha--HEY! WE ARE NOT. Mrs. Harker got the good old shock of the zombie band and Mister Bindo (what? He's a cranky old guy, sometimes he's scary) and then Mister Biff got to hear all about how she's a widow, which probably screwed up his groove a little. Miss Dröttningu and Mister Bindo talked about stupid young people before Mrs. Harker introduced herself to the former, while Miss Atreides engaged Mrs. Harker in conversation. And Miss Atreides was just glad to see other adults there! Which kind of made Mister Faircroft's point moot, didn't it?

Jeff: I'd say the adult equation was a bit bigger than the student... equation... tonight. If the notes are solid! *thwok* Ow. The squirrels were nicer before.

Turtle: No, Jeff, they weren't. Trust me. This is what happens when you don't have constant squirrel exposure; you start thinking they might actually be cute and nice, but we radio folk know better.



Jeff: Can you please make them stop? *thwok* OW! *thwok* *thwok thwok*

Turtle: HEY SQUIRRELS, QUIT IT. You know, the notes are done, Jeff, we could just leave.

Jeff: I'm never doing this again! *thwok* I knew I shouldn't have left the dorms on a bank holiday! *scrambles*

Turtle: ...come on, Jeff! Good night, Fandom, and have a prosperous tomorrow!