Fandom Radio, Sunday, September 30th

[yakkoyaks.livejournal.com]

Yakko: Hello, friends. This is Yakko Warner with a very special guest for today's episode of WTFH Pirate Radio. Now, in the time you've known me, you may have that that I'm somewhat impulsive... a little bizarre... a weeeeeeee tiny bit insane.

Well, no more! I bring to you now my very own personal Parents Weekend guest, Doctor Otto von Scratchansniff, my psychiatrist!

Scratchansniff: Oooh, eet's so bright in here. Vait, I'm out of the box? SUNLIGHT!

Yakko: This man will have me cured of all of my various issues before the end of the broadcast or your money back!

Scratchansniff: They pay for this radio, Yakko?

Yakko: Hmm. Good point, Scratchy. Okay, Doctor Scratchansniff will cure me before the end of this episode or he'll have to marry me! Is that legal here? We'll have a squirrel look into it.

Scratchansniff: A squirrel? Vhat are you-- AHHHHHH! ZHERE IS A SQUIRREL PUTTING A VEIL ON ME!

Yakko: Jumping the gun a bit there, but let's get started anyway!

Normally we'd start with school notes - or whatever else felt like a good idea - so let's just go with office hours. Up to bat is my favorite office neighbor, Dean Anakin Sparklepuss Skywalker. Korra's guardians were first up and they were stunned, STUNNED by the flow of time and number of things Korra hadn't been sharing. Tiny little Kristina walked in and ignored proper etiquette. And Jag thought he'd stop by and introduce himself. Scratchy?

Scratchansniff: Ja, okay, I just read the... fine. Jono didn't really clean his office very well for his visitors, but zey didn't seem to mind. A man named Bantha asked Jono about Cade, who is apparently a bit of a challenging student. I know nozing about zat kind of person, clearly.

Yakko: Stick to the script.

Scratchansniff: Ja, fine. Caius had questions about Yeul und Jono explained that she vasn't a rebel like every other student ever. Bran asked about Mercy, who is apparently also very quiet. Hank wanted to know about Victor and left the meeting deciding he had to talk to Magneto.

Yakko: It's pronounced MagNEATo.

Scratchansniff: But it is spelled MagNETo. I'm not going to let you drive me crazy over how zings are pronounced ven zey are spelled out very plainly!

Yakko: It's your funeral if he takes offense.

Scratchansniff: I'm going to continue reading ze notes, okay? Okay. Tersa gave Jono a crayon drawing and some creepy talk hints about a forest. Und Karla ended up talking to Jono's guest, Miranda, about boyfriends und superpowers und girl stuff like that.

Yakko: Jaime was having a case of the boreds and couldn't even twiddle his thumbs for obvious reasons, but he ended up having visits from Mercy's Bran and Alexander's dad, Ares.

Thor's office was the scene of great confusion as Donald Blake wanted to know about Loki but Thor thought he was checking in on Darcy.

Scratchansniff: Yakko, you held me prisoner--

Yakko: Visitor.

Scratchansniff: -- in your office vile preparing to entertain parents. Und all you got was a pony named Fluttershy zat you almost made cry. Tyrion had no guests, but he did have a book on Stalin.

Yakko: Just passing the time until he had a visitor.

Scratchansniff: Vhat? It doesn't matter. Und Lionel had questions about his son Lex und Lex's teacher Zayne, who apparently looks quite young.

Yakko: Just like you, Scratchy! Jaina was ready for visitors and got them! Like Bran and Bantha, who kind of knows her from his past! Electroclash was in costume but didn't need to dole out any guidance. Mac made her office less weird but didn't make any new princiPALs. And Pinkie Pie was ready in her office but mainly got visits from her pony friends, the pranky Rainbow Dash and the big winner, Fluttershy.

Scratchansniff: Und zat is all of the office notes.

Yakko: This just in. It turns out, it is NOT legal to force a psychiatrist against his will to marry a cartoon character of the same gender. Or possibly any gender! Or maybe it's the free will part! We don't know because we didn't really do very careful research. How does that make you feel, Doctor?

Scratchansniff: Vell, it is somezing of a relief....

Yakko: BUT!

Scratchansniff: Oh no.

Yakko: Just because you can't be forced into marriage doesn't mean we can't force you to move into an apartment with me and five strangers where we'll all be best friends until we have to kick someone out! And maybe some people will get to use the hot tub. Rowr. Not you, Scratchy. You have that condition.

Scratchansniff: Actually, I zink zhere is a law about that.

Yakko: Not when we have your signature on this waiver!

Scratchansniff: Zat is not my signature...

Yakko: It'll take the courts years to prove that! And now, on with the news!

And now let's hammer out a bunch of things that happened in town that had nothing to do with any parties. In the afternoon, Poseidon and Hermes were in the park and discussed the fact that their sons are dating, which is, as we know, completely unheard of for Ancient Greeks. And on some street somewhere during the evening, Sia ran into her great-grandparents, Jaina and Jag, and everyone had an awkward time! And now, Dr Scratchansniff with your business rundown. Scratchy?

Scratchansniff: Okay. Topher made his robot dog bark a lot at Stark Industries and eventually caught the attention of Billy, who was zhen found by Tommy, Billy's twin or maybe not apparently I do not know brother. Summer vas in spring cleaning mode in ze fall at Surf's Up.

Cafe Luke's had all sorts of Parents Weekend decorations zanks to Priestly and ze cook. Und zhere was reason to celebrate with decorations because his friends Tish und Jen showed up! I like reunions.

Yakko: Stay on target.

Scratchansniff: April's friends sang karaoke while she drank behind ze bar at Caritas. Zhen Pinkie Pie wanted to know if April had Prince Albert in a can und... haha, I can see vhere zis is going, and it is funny! So Pinkie Pie asks if April had Prince Albert in a can... ahahahaha I'm sorry, it's just so good! Und zhen Rainbow Dash laughed just like me... hee heee heee! Und she ruined ze joke.

Oh.

Yakko: And Bo thought Bitsy was Tiny in drag so she left the Devil's Nest, ensaddening us all.

But now we get to the real fun, the Parents Weekend Saturday Parties (Official and Unofficial). First up, FIELD DAY!

Over by the food table, Jackson's girlfriend, Lydia, tracked Jackson down to check in on him. Olive's mom talked to Jim to get the scoop on Olive's life in Fandom. Kate Gregson was back and checking in with Luke. Topher wanted to talk to the Space Core, but the Space Core was more focused on Space and Cheese, so it might want to change its name. Olive gave Topher dire warnings about her parents and her very flirty friend before apologizing to Sia for said friend's behavior on Friday. Atton and Sia talked about darts and bickering and dogs with hilariously bad names, then Jack and Kaidan discussed how they were in it for the food. Take it away, Doc!

Scratchansniff: Okay, Yakko. Ha, I seem to be getting ze hang of this! Alcide and Jack talked about Eric and how best to live vith him. Jaye confronted Lockheed, who was a VERY NAUGHTY DRAGON ven he offered her a cookie und zhen snatched it away vith a bite! Und zhen he made even more friends when Dany's dragons showed up und he vas all 'Look at me, I am Mister Big Dragon.'

Yakko: For people who didn't like playing games, there was a place to watch them instead! Stiles wanted to talk to Lydia, who gave MAYBE half of her attention to him over texting someone else. Topher complained to Peter about sports since they're here and nobody's forcing him to play them. Kate got over her initial awkwardness to talk to Luke's dad. She didn't know the proper way to greet a Greek god. High fives always work. Up top, Doc!

*high five slap* *down low slap* *fist bump explodey sounds*

We've got this down!

Scratchansniff: Ja, we do!

Yakko: Now get me a soda!

Scratchansniff: Vait, vhat?

Yakko: For teamwork. Olive introduced herself to Jessica's cousin, Peter, and they agreed that sedentary life is good enough for them.

And since Scratchy is getting me a soda, I'll just keep reading his notes.

Zhere vhere also games to play and not just be vatching! No, wait, I can't do that voice for too long. It's very confusing for Mr Paulsen. Both of Olive's parents tracked Karolina down at the arts and crafts. Her mom made sure Olive was okay to live with and her dad tried to help with making a gremlin. Juliet looked forward to graduation with her mom. And Tersa drew pictures while Surreal was surprised that Tersa's family wasn't right there with her.

Isabelle and Alec talked about the field day and her mad hula hooping skillzzzzzz, but those skillzzzzzzzzzz were thrown for a loop when Death got a hoop stuck in his ribs.

Death: I DIDN'T MEAN TO DISRUPT HER.

Yakko: I'm sure you... Wait a second, how did you get in here?

Death: I WALKED THROUGH THE WALL.

Yakko: Oh. Well, do you want to read any notes.

Death: OH, NO, I COULDN'T. THIS IS JUST A CAMEO APPEARANCE. BUT IF YOU DON'T MIND, I WILL TREAT MYSELF TO SOME COFFEE AND A DONUT..

Yakko: Knock yourself out, big guy.

Death: I CAN'T. MY CONSCIOUSNESS DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. FAREWELL.

Yakko: Death, ladies and gentlemen!

Scratchansniff: Yakko, is it just me or did the studio get cold vile I vas away getting your soda?

Yakko: It's probably just you. Anyway, there was also a water balloon fight where Kitty beat the Warriors Three. And Lucivar shared a leg with Daemon as they raced against apparently no competition.

Scratchansniff: Vell, zat is one way to get ze leg up, ahahahahahaha.

Yakko: You'll get to a funnier place eventually, Doctor.

Scratchansniff: Und after all of zhat, in ze evening zhere vas an unofficial party in ze park thrown by Olive, her parents, und Rhiannon!

Over by ze foods und drink, Olive's dad vas drinking juice from a flask und offered some to Hank. Victor und Peter talked about all of ze dragons around, because zhere sure are a lot of dragons. Olive vas worried about her parents being worried about ze dragons, but Kitty pointed out zhat Lockheed vas an ALIEN dragon..... I don't see how zhat is any better.

Kitty told Clint about her water balloon victor vhile he was glad he had no visitors. Und zhen Lockheed sneezed on him. Because he is a VERY BAD DRAGON. You've got to be firm vith dragons and set rules.

Yakko: And pour barbecue sauce on yourself so you taste better when they hear about it.

Scratchansniff: Vhat?

Yakko: Stacey ruined Olive's jealousy of her visitorlessness by talking about her parents' divorce. Rhiannon made Jessica uncomfortable by talking about her hot cousin, who stopped by to tell Jess about Kitty.

Rhiannon tried to play matchmaker for Victor and Olive, but then she played matchmaker for herself and Jim, too, with enough success that we're going to move along quickly.

Scratchansniff: Olive's dad teased Victor because apparently zhat is vhat fathers do to boys zheir daughters ages. Und Olive talked to Hank about how he and Victor can be closer. Und finally, Olive's mom talked to Sia about family and funny nicknames

Yakko: And at long last, that's it for today's radio broadcast. Well, Scratchy, what do you think? Am I cured?

Scratchansniff: In my professional opinion?

Yakko: Keep in mind that if I'm not cured, you'll need to move in with me and five strangers for the Surreal World: Fandom!

Scratchansniff: Sigh. I vish I could go against the psychiatrist's code, but I cannot. Yakko, you are still kookier zhan ze cuckoo bird who lives in a clock.

Yakko: I had a feeling you'd say that. That's why I had the squirrels look into it, and forcing you to live with me and five strangers would still be kidnapping, so we can't do it. With this being the end of the show, there's only one other thing to go with.

Scratchansniff: Oh no.

Yakko: A hug.

Scratchansniff: Oh, okay!

Yakko: Let's hug it out, Doctor Scratchansniff!

Scratchansniff: I can live with zhat..... Yakko? Where are you putting your hands?

Yakko: Here comes the tickle monster!

Scratchansniff: Oh no, you are tickling! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOP TICKLING ME AHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T BREATHE AHAHAHAHAHAHA Wait ahahaha Vhere did that crate come from? NOOOOOOOOO!

*sound of forklift*

*sound of van door slamming*

*sound of van speeding off*

Yakko: Well, he's off to California and I'm ending the show! Good night, everybody!