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fandom_radio2012-05-14 05:54 am
boobs-and-evil.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2012-05-14 05:54 am
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Fandom Radio, Monday, May 14
Welcome, listeners. For those of you not lucky enough to know already, my name is Callie Maggotbone. And I'm here so I can influence some young, impressionable teenage minds. For example, here's a question for all of you budding philosophers: 'hey, what has my soul done for me lately?'
*chittering*
Right, and the stupid notes. I'm not going to skip the part where I get to air dirty laundry in public, rodents. Gossip, kids. Rumors are your friends. That's another tip from Auntie Callie. Auntie Callie is also going to be making fun of your names and -- oh, squirrels? I was made to understand there was free alcohol?
*more chittering*
That's five points off the squirrels for only having rum. Cultured hosts should have an array. My drink of choice is vodka. Good thing I brought my own bottle.
SCHOOL
There was no school yesterday, being that it was Sunday. I don't see any notes mentioning church, but I also don't see any dark Satanic rites on the lawn, so I'm calling that one a wash.
Raven was working in the library -- I'm sorry, no, I don't buy it. Auntie Callie says, some goth whose real name is actually Rachel or Renee or Ruthanne was in the library, angsting about her black eyeliner and her unpublished poetry. And then Sholeh -- whose name sounds like Brangelina's miracle baby -- came in and was astonished to find books, in the library. I'm ... not sure what she expected. But Ruthie and Brangelina had a great time learning to touch books and open them and borrow them. Brangelina, in class this week, you're going to have to prove to me that you're literate.
DORMS
Natalie is in her room, reading, and Sam nags her about whether she called her mother. Because it was Mother's Day yesterday, and if you forgot, you should call your mother today and grovel. But it seems like most of you were busy moping. Like Tara, who was curled up with a cat. Ben brought her ice cream so they could talk about how their moms died -- which was separately, I'm assuming -- and Loki tells Tara that his mother, the All-Mother, doesn't have a cell phone. That's probably convenient for him. I'm thinking of getting a new Blackberry that Daddy doesn't have the number to.
In further emo news, Luke mopes in his room after working out in the Salle, and Percy arrives to -- it looks like they're either bickering or flirting. I think both. I'm new to this reality show, I don't know the ships yet. Anyway, Luke says his dad is the patron god of liars. Wait, Luke, are you a half-sibling? We should talk.
Meanwhile, Frank's wrapping up a gift box to send off, so it looks like his mom's alive, he's just bad with deadlines. And Anna is up on the roof, dangling her feet off the edge, but the note doesn't say anything else so she's probably just being all dramatic and thoughtful. Unless we want to start a false panic just for the Hell of it. Don't jump, Anna!!!
In the fourth floor common room, George made a half-assed breakfast and started reading some ... atlases. Okay, I take back everything rude I said about Brangelina's ideas of fun. Loki arrives and introduces himself, at which point they discuss the bizarrely named cereals. Those are marketing tie-ins, guys. They make those so they can write half-hour-long cartoon commercials that will sell toys. Unless you found the Cadaver-Os. Don't eat those. Atton says it's too early to be cheerful, and refuses to eat Pop-Tarts because that involves cooking. Pushing a button on a toaster isn't cooking, but I won't judge anyone pre-caffeine. Ulrik is glad that George also likes being up before the ass-crack of dawn, and now I'm taking back what I said about judging people pre-caffeine. They discuss sunlight vs. artificial, but lava beats the hell out of them both. And Petra tears into the room needing coffee, and -- and no one gives her coffee? They taunt her with the promise of hot water, and ... and tea, neither of which will actually get her any coffee. ... Okay, look, I may be a demon, but some things are just plain cruel. I hope everyone involved in this terrible incident is very sorry and that Petra has received the coffee she so desperately deserved.
TOWN
All around the town, at places that weren't my clothing shop, because it wasn't open today, say, have I mentioned that I need employees and minions to do my bidding? Because I do. I am allowed to get in shameless plugs, aren't I?
*chittering*
You know, I don't tell you how to do your job. Fine. Blysse and Blind Seer were working at The Gig, which despite the hip music-sounding name, is actually a horse stable. Dean was sifting through the Junkyard, looking for things to save for later. Here's a hint, Dean. It's all junk. I just saved you some time. You're welcome. And in a night club called the Devil's Nest that I truly ought to check out, Susan didn't know there was a holiday on, but the DJ kept playing sappy songs anyway.
And finally, Stark -- Auntie Callie's gonna let that name slide -- brought cupcakes in to the clinic staff. Not for Mother's Day, just because.
See why I let that slide? Maybe some day, this Stark person will bring me cupcakes. You catch more flies with honey. And even more with a three-hole.
On that note, I really need to get to class. Or I can start aiming fireballs at rodents.
Oh, look, the door just unlocked. Sometimes, fireballs are better than honey or three-holes. This metaphor has become stupid and I'm done with this radio thing now.
*static*
*chittering*
Right, and the stupid notes. I'm not going to skip the part where I get to air dirty laundry in public, rodents. Gossip, kids. Rumors are your friends. That's another tip from Auntie Callie. Auntie Callie is also going to be making fun of your names and -- oh, squirrels? I was made to understand there was free alcohol?
*more chittering*
That's five points off the squirrels for only having rum. Cultured hosts should have an array. My drink of choice is vodka. Good thing I brought my own bottle.
SCHOOL
There was no school yesterday, being that it was Sunday. I don't see any notes mentioning church, but I also don't see any dark Satanic rites on the lawn, so I'm calling that one a wash.
Raven was working in the library -- I'm sorry, no, I don't buy it. Auntie Callie says, some goth whose real name is actually Rachel or Renee or Ruthanne was in the library, angsting about her black eyeliner and her unpublished poetry. And then Sholeh -- whose name sounds like Brangelina's miracle baby -- came in and was astonished to find books, in the library. I'm ... not sure what she expected. But Ruthie and Brangelina had a great time learning to touch books and open them and borrow them. Brangelina, in class this week, you're going to have to prove to me that you're literate.
DORMS
Natalie is in her room, reading, and Sam nags her about whether she called her mother. Because it was Mother's Day yesterday, and if you forgot, you should call your mother today and grovel. But it seems like most of you were busy moping. Like Tara, who was curled up with a cat. Ben brought her ice cream so they could talk about how their moms died -- which was separately, I'm assuming -- and Loki tells Tara that his mother, the All-Mother, doesn't have a cell phone. That's probably convenient for him. I'm thinking of getting a new Blackberry that Daddy doesn't have the number to.
In further emo news, Luke mopes in his room after working out in the Salle, and Percy arrives to -- it looks like they're either bickering or flirting. I think both. I'm new to this reality show, I don't know the ships yet. Anyway, Luke says his dad is the patron god of liars. Wait, Luke, are you a half-sibling? We should talk.
Meanwhile, Frank's wrapping up a gift box to send off, so it looks like his mom's alive, he's just bad with deadlines. And Anna is up on the roof, dangling her feet off the edge, but the note doesn't say anything else so she's probably just being all dramatic and thoughtful. Unless we want to start a false panic just for the Hell of it. Don't jump, Anna!!!
In the fourth floor common room, George made a half-assed breakfast and started reading some ... atlases. Okay, I take back everything rude I said about Brangelina's ideas of fun. Loki arrives and introduces himself, at which point they discuss the bizarrely named cereals. Those are marketing tie-ins, guys. They make those so they can write half-hour-long cartoon commercials that will sell toys. Unless you found the Cadaver-Os. Don't eat those. Atton says it's too early to be cheerful, and refuses to eat Pop-Tarts because that involves cooking. Pushing a button on a toaster isn't cooking, but I won't judge anyone pre-caffeine. Ulrik is glad that George also likes being up before the ass-crack of dawn, and now I'm taking back what I said about judging people pre-caffeine. They discuss sunlight vs. artificial, but lava beats the hell out of them both. And Petra tears into the room needing coffee, and -- and no one gives her coffee? They taunt her with the promise of hot water, and ... and tea, neither of which will actually get her any coffee. ... Okay, look, I may be a demon, but some things are just plain cruel. I hope everyone involved in this terrible incident is very sorry and that Petra has received the coffee she so desperately deserved.
TOWN
All around the town, at places that weren't my clothing shop, because it wasn't open today, say, have I mentioned that I need employees and minions to do my bidding? Because I do. I am allowed to get in shameless plugs, aren't I?
*chittering*
You know, I don't tell you how to do your job. Fine. Blysse and Blind Seer were working at The Gig, which despite the hip music-sounding name, is actually a horse stable. Dean was sifting through the Junkyard, looking for things to save for later. Here's a hint, Dean. It's all junk. I just saved you some time. You're welcome. And in a night club called the Devil's Nest that I truly ought to check out, Susan didn't know there was a holiday on, but the DJ kept playing sappy songs anyway.
And finally, Stark -- Auntie Callie's gonna let that name slide -- brought cupcakes in to the clinic staff. Not for Mother's Day, just because.
See why I let that slide? Maybe some day, this Stark person will bring me cupcakes. You catch more flies with honey. And even more with a three-hole.
On that note, I really need to get to class. Or I can start aiming fireballs at rodents.
Oh, look, the door just unlocked. Sometimes, fireballs are better than honey or three-holes. This metaphor has become stupid and I'm done with this radio thing now.
*static*