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fandom_radio2007-05-12 05:36 pm
ismyhairout.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2007-05-12 05:36 pm
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Fandom Radio, Friday, May 11, 2007
"You know the worst thing about being a god, Fandom? You can't get drunk enough. I mean sure, you can get drunk, well, a little tipsy, but never drunk enough. This is Hades, God of the Dead, Lord of the Underworld, Friday night disc jockey here on WTFH pirate radio.
New people, huh? Get out while you still can. I'm going to sing tonight.
"I'm checking iiiin, he's checking iiiin!"
Like I said, there are new people. So many new people. We should make sure the island isn't going to sink or anything again. They all checked in, got room assignments and handed over their precious toys. Inara argued, Haku - gesundheit! - asked about acupuncture needles. Can I book an appointment? Avaris or whatever her name is handed over a scimitar, because apparently she's too good to just call it a 'sword' like everyone else. Dib had lasers and exploding cheese. I like his style. Michelangelo had nunchucks, Kel had glazed cherries and knives, Gavin had a blaster and Roxas who will now be known as Roxy had a whiffle bat. Wuss. Warren thinks you're all role playing geeks. Prove him wrong. Abigail wanted to know if her babies would be safe. Sure. They'll be safe. Don't mind the pile of rubble that used to be the school. Vi wanted to knowabout vampires. None here. At least I don't think so. Christo? No wait, that's not right. Ba'al whose name isn't even worth mocking checked in some jewelry. Because it's dangerous. Yes. Donatello, no really, got to keep his walking stick, Jaina didn't want to let go of her lightsaber and Raphael fought about handing over his stabby things.
But none of it mattered, because there was pie. Ponytail and Animal (no, not making that one up) bonded over pie. Sabriel and Aravis or Avaris or Visa compared pie choices. New girl's name is now Visa. Dib ate the poisoned pie, then spoke to a frog named Robin. Michelangelo is a giant turtle that likes pizza. Welcome to Fandom everybody. Ponytail met the purple turtle, Donatello, Jude met Warren, Vi found Prue, Animal likes women and pie, preferrably together, Warren met Prue, Namine whose name is boring so she's now The Great Namingo knew Roxy, Jude met Robin the Frog and then started yelling.
In other news, more arrivals! Andros is in town, so is Robin, Haku (gesundheit), The Great Namingo and Jaina Solo who's related to Luke. Whadda ya know. More Skywalkers. Or not Skywalkers. Or...whatever.
Down in town, the new Dean finally showed up. Welcome Drax, no you can't have my office. Squall and Steve Rogers moved in as well.
In short: everyone arrived. There was pie. I just wasted seven minutes of your already dwindling mortal lives.
Dorms: A Wretched Hive of Gum and Body Odor
Dorms first, then cabins, which Winchesters D and S were talking about. Charlene, the real one, not the guy pretending to be a girl was educated on the finer points of Fandom. Did her eye twitch? Karal who's now Carol met Visa in their room. Turns out Carol isn't used to rooming with a girl. They like it when you go naked. Seely explained what happened at graduation - not my fault - and explained cameras to Carol. When in doubt, say cheese.
Qui-Gon - hah, okay, no really - Qui-Gon met Sabriel who wandered into the wrong room. Mind the doors. Zero told Qui-Gon - no, REALLY - about not turning into a kitten. Then Animal and his drum kit interrupted Qui's peace and qui-et. Get it? Qui-et? I kill me.
Turns out The Great Namingo has an admirer in Michelangelo, but she wasn't happy to see Demyx, that kid who bugged me that time. Donatello, who I'm told loves being called the purple teletubby...does that make him Blinky Winky? Anyway, he met Luke. There was talking and probably a whole lot of I don't care.
More meetings! Savannah and Cordy get along swell, Rikku and Gavin talked about the school exploding - not my fault - and then Gavin took orders from Artoo and took a nap.
Setsuna, everyone's favorite Deadpool-approved lesbian left town while Ami moved in. Johnny met Ed and Dick and I feel like whistling Dixie and asking momma when the grits are gonna be done.
If I ever use a Southern accent again, feel free to shoot me. Unless you're Jo Harvelle.
John Connor did something other than shower. I'm astounded. Astounded, I tell you. He told Naomi cabins aren't really camping. He's just jealous because he's leaving. Kids, if your parents ask, tell them you're camping. Just do it. We need the checks.
Speaking of leaving, Peter Parker is on his way home, but not before Isabel asks him to write. Kawalsky - aren't you gone yet? - annoyed the kid, so he webbed Kawalsky's mouth shut. That'll teach you to hum the Macarena at someone. Aeryn came to say a last farewell, goodbye, so long, thanks for all the tuna.
Sam and Dawn, Fandom's cutest couple I did not just say that out loud, snuggled. Good for them. Abby met her new big sister Ami who, it turns out, is sharing a cabin with Billy Bob Senior Jo Joey Jefferson. Kou hit the lobby and the lobby hit back in the form of Evie. Abby and Eve had serious roomie time. Possibly with jello involved. Steve Peter packed. No jello was involved.
This just in - Marco is a vending machine. More news at 11.
Chris and Summer moan, moan, moan and not even for good reasons. Chris got over it and met his aunt Prue, freaked out at meeting Robin and got a bird delivery.
Haku (gesundheit) and Robin had roomie time, Power Rangers met, Cedric kept Jack company if you know what I mean and the brothers Elric were surprised to see each other. Really surprised. I'm talking 'you've won the sweepstakes!' surprised, not 'gee, another tie for Christmas, thanks Zeus' surprised.
Down at the stables, Carol left his horse there, Keladry tried to hide out from people and found English Peter instead. Well, he was a pony that one time, so her plan might've worked.
Roxy got lost on the way to the campsite, but Lana found her way and Buffy met Adam and moved Berthold to the cabins.
Cabins: Would you prefer tents next year?
Okay, so, we're gonna do this in alphabetical order. Alpha to Omega, only with the Latin alphabet because the notes are in English, not Greek. Anyway.
A is for Abominable Snowman. Ponytail and his rat welcomed Visa to their humble abode. They both met The Great Namingo and Raphael. There was talk of turtles, since Raphael is one. Adam came late to the party, but let's all be grateful he showed up at all.
B is for Basilisk. Y'know, the big snake thing that turns people into stone? Or was that Medusa? She was a mean drunk. Al and his cat got settled in, then met Inara who was surprised to learn that Fandom's not a training academy for Companions. If by Companions you mean either sidekicks or ladies of the night, the jury's still out on that one. Hak-I'm just going to bypass the name and start calling you Gesundheit. Gesundheit was surprised to learn Fandom's not a training academy for ninjas. Again, jury's still out on that one. Johnny joined the party and asked Al out on a date. With racing and bikes and something very manly.
Later, Johnny was out by the campfire wanting beer. Lucas joined him to talk about Things That Break Your Brain for 400. Will came to say a cheery hello. Apparently the date with Al was forgotten, because Johnny was checking out Abby. The squirrels seem to think this isn't gonna end well. I'm now taking bets on how he'll end up in the clinic. Call me. Abby thought...thinks? Thinks, thought, at this stage consistent tense is out the window. Abby thought Lucas was trying to mess with her. He probably was, but that doesn't mean it wasn't all true. Welcome to Fandom! Gesundheit and Abby did the meet and greet, then Johnny hit on Gesundheit like a hitting thing that hits. Lucas and Gesundheit talked pronunciation and water. It's Hades. Hay-dees. And I hate water. Johnny hit on Inara, Inara and Gesundheit talked about home, Abby was happy to see another girl, Lucas was a bumbling, jaw-dropping schoolboy - smooth, kid - and Will complimented Johnny on his fire. Worst pick-up line ever.
C is for Chimera, Chupacabra, Cthulhu and Curupira. Down in Chimera, Z hung out, talked to Conner about something that's scratched out in the notes and talked to Evie about the new kids. Hazing! You know you want to.
Blinky Winky the purple turtle relaxed in the living room. Carol was happy to see a giant anthropomorphic turtle because it's a lot like home. We get all kinds here at Fandom High. Gavin met Carol and talked about travel, Steve Peter tried to break Carol's brain with gremlins and aliens. Steve Peter met Blinky Winky and doesn't know his anatomy since he thinks the turtle is part cat. Gavin sulked about missing his ship. One of the squirrels has a crush on Steve Peter, because apparently he 'is a sympathetic ear and really hot and talks a little about New York' and I don't think they got close enough to take his temperature. Blinky Winky and Gavin talked about space travel, Ed came to the party, Steve Peter let Ed in on the Secret of Fandom Island. It's really a hellish amusement park. Ed and Blinky Winky geeked out, but Ed was too cool for school with Carol. Kou...is that right? Ko? Or is it cow? You're now cow. Cow has a weird backstory. Welcome to Fandom. Cow likes turtle. Wasn't there a cartoon like that? Carol said hi, Vi thinks the turtle is a demon. Demon turtle? Is that anything like a demon llama? Maybe less attitude. Ed backed his new buddy up. Jaina came to the mad house and recognized Gavin, but he doesn't recognize her. Carol and Jaina swap stories and thank you thank you it's almost over, Carol wrote notes and talked to his cat.
Weirdos.
C is for Cthulhu. What's a Cthulhu? Maybe it's a kind of puma. Demyx moved in and fell asleep until Dib dropped his trunk. Dawn and Demyx talked music, then Dawn and Griffin talked food. Like s'mores.
Last but not least, C is for Curupira. Tastes like chicken. Fandom Idol and Ponytail's Sister people watched. That's a felony in some places. They talked siblings before Buffy showed up demanding a fridge. They can't figure out how to pronounce their cabin. Chicken. Chi-ken. Warren was called cool by Buffy the cheerleader and impressed Fandom Idol.
No one cares about D, E, F, G, H or I.
J is for Jackalope and I don't see this cabin ending well. John Sheppard tried to talk to Ronan, who was unsociable. Nice. And he likes staring. Great start to freaking people out there, kid. Ronan met Dean and confused the heck out of him, but just didn't want to talk to Little Jo Harvelle. Welcome to my life. Dean and Little Jo Harvelle talked about salt graffiti. Someone named Carmela tackled Ronan. Later on, John S read War and Peace. For fun. He met Alec and talked dopplegangers. Fandom Idol and Ponytail's Sister were around looking for their siblings. Lana leapt on John like a crazy person and worried that he would think she was crazy. Well if the shoe fits...and Dean and John met. Too many Johns. Get nicknames.
K is for Kraken where Sabriel and Malibu Stacy talked in fake snooty voices about boys and beating things up. Jude showed up to contest the cutest couple with Malibu Stacy and I think I threw up a little. Mel and Malibu Stacy talked Zuko, crazy Fandom weekends (not this weekend for the love of the radio staff) and fighting vampires versus fighting zombies. Mel asked Jude not to call her a piece of underwear and...what? Seely and Malibu Stacy have death wishes and if you so much as touch the rubble that was once my office I will flambe you both. I'm sure you'll taste like Curupira.
No one cares about L.
M is for Minotaur where Door and Robin talked in dog and Door showed Charlie her robot pigeon (is that what they're calling it these days?). Charlie asked Naomi if she's really an alien. What? The facial horns didn't give it away? And Robin asked Naomi about life in Fandom. No one can tell you what Fandom is. You have to see it for yourself.
No one cares about N or O.
P is for Phoenix, Pixie and Platypus. In Phoenix, Mac and Cheese snuggled and talked about alien attacks. Great combination.
P is for Pixie, the cabin for the people who we can't get rid of yet, no matter how hard we try, so we're giving you the wimpiest name of all. Tori, Zero, Dances With Prada and Bel and Phoebe moved in. Anders came for a visit. The Red Sea isn't really red. All part of the full service here at Hades' House of Horrors. Sam enjoyed the outside of the cabin, met Carol and his cat and blushed at all the bare skin. D'anna didn't bring any glitter though, so nothing to worry about, but they did plan to make Kawalsky shirtless. My eyes. They burn.
P is for Platypus, which is as mythical as they come. Platy-Annie hung out in the Platy-living room. Platy-Luke came to talk about platy-turtles and platy-vampires. Platy-Dick met the platy-puss. Platy-Dick talked about how his little brother was flaming. Maybe D did find the glitter. Platy-Izzy talked to Platy-Luke about his platy-niece. Platy-Izzy and Platy-Annie talked about platypi and pusses in the feline sense. Platy-Luke met Platy-Jim and Platy-Izzy. They talked about platypi being mythical. So did Platy-Jam. Beaver's tail. Duck's bill. Furry mammal that lays eggs. Totally made up. Platy-Jim and Platy-Annie talked about Platy-cabins. Platy-Izzy told Platy-Pam about last summer's prank war. Platy-Annie and Platy-Pam think abominable snowpeople are mean. Platy-Pam and Platy-Luke discussed Australians who are apparently the weirdest people on Earth. I couldn't agree with you more. [Microphone feedback] kangaroos.
S is for Salamander, Sphinx and Salman Rushdie. Rushdie had more going on, because all the Salamanders did was have Tannim and Shawn talk about the school blowing up.
S is for Sphinx, where Henry, Chris and Billy moved in. Billy and Henry were happy and get this, Cassie cried. What else is new? Griffin came looking for his cabin, couldn't find and stayed to talk to Henry anyway.
I hope Bigfoot eats you all while you're out there.
Town: Because Apparently There's More to This Island Than the School
Roy moved into his apartment, John Connor didn't have a shower but did open Sparky's. Leo opened Photo Hut and Malibu Stacy got photos developed. Better not be any of me. I don't photograph well. Liz opened the Post Office so Emma could drop off a postcard. And Dean took Charlie to the Sin to talk about ghosts. Brothel. Ghosts. Great first date, kid.
Isabel got a car for her birthday and took Jack, Cedric and Dances With Prada for a joyride. The clinic was quiet at morning and night. All's quiet at Lucy's Lounge of Love. Down Caritas way, GOB told the Mountie about his not-so-secret relationship with Tino and the zombie band, Emma flirted with the Mountie and asked GOB for a job. What kind of job? Buster, GOB's brother, showed up for a round of brotherly love. Leo says down with the man! As long as the man isn't me. Squall wanted booze, but didn't have the local greenback.
The scantily clad but no one's complaining Emma Frost ate a croissant in JGOB and met Syvvie and Maddie. Steve came to the bakery and got a mouthful of 'why are you here? What are you teaching? Can my chest be any bigger?' instead. Cassie showed up to cry. Dale Cooper met Steve and I'm running out of the funny here, so pretend there's a joke right about now. Dale met Emma. No joke necessary. Her outfit is enough. Dale can't keep his mouth shut because he met Syvvie too. Then there was a Squall, but you'll have to check the weather guide for more.
Last but not least, because my throat is turning dry here and someone took all the rum, Scar meditated in the park and met Qui-Gon who he apparently knows from the past (interesting). English and Visa were there as well and hey, turns out they're from the same place. I'd make a joke, but MasterCard have the better advertising slogans.
And that's it! That's all from Hades, your buddy, your chum, your guide through the afterlife here on WTFH pirate radio. This might be my last broadcast, so if so, good riddance and goodnight!"
New people, huh? Get out while you still can. I'm going to sing tonight.
"I'm checking iiiin, he's checking iiiin!"
Like I said, there are new people. So many new people. We should make sure the island isn't going to sink or anything again. They all checked in, got room assignments and handed over their precious toys. Inara argued, Haku - gesundheit! - asked about acupuncture needles. Can I book an appointment? Avaris or whatever her name is handed over a scimitar, because apparently she's too good to just call it a 'sword' like everyone else. Dib had lasers and exploding cheese. I like his style. Michelangelo had nunchucks, Kel had glazed cherries and knives, Gavin had a blaster and Roxas who will now be known as Roxy had a whiffle bat. Wuss. Warren thinks you're all role playing geeks. Prove him wrong. Abigail wanted to know if her babies would be safe. Sure. They'll be safe. Don't mind the pile of rubble that used to be the school. Vi wanted to knowabout vampires. None here. At least I don't think so. Christo? No wait, that's not right. Ba'al whose name isn't even worth mocking checked in some jewelry. Because it's dangerous. Yes. Donatello, no really, got to keep his walking stick, Jaina didn't want to let go of her lightsaber and Raphael fought about handing over his stabby things.
But none of it mattered, because there was pie. Ponytail and Animal (no, not making that one up) bonded over pie. Sabriel and Aravis or Avaris or Visa compared pie choices. New girl's name is now Visa. Dib ate the poisoned pie, then spoke to a frog named Robin. Michelangelo is a giant turtle that likes pizza. Welcome to Fandom everybody. Ponytail met the purple turtle, Donatello, Jude met Warren, Vi found Prue, Animal likes women and pie, preferrably together, Warren met Prue, Namine whose name is boring so she's now The Great Namingo knew Roxy, Jude met Robin the Frog and then started yelling.
In other news, more arrivals! Andros is in town, so is Robin, Haku (gesundheit), The Great Namingo and Jaina Solo who's related to Luke. Whadda ya know. More Skywalkers. Or not Skywalkers. Or...whatever.
Down in town, the new Dean finally showed up. Welcome Drax, no you can't have my office. Squall and Steve Rogers moved in as well.
In short: everyone arrived. There was pie. I just wasted seven minutes of your already dwindling mortal lives.
Dorms: A Wretched Hive of Gum and Body Odor
Dorms first, then cabins, which Winchesters D and S were talking about. Charlene, the real one, not the guy pretending to be a girl was educated on the finer points of Fandom. Did her eye twitch? Karal who's now Carol met Visa in their room. Turns out Carol isn't used to rooming with a girl. They like it when you go naked. Seely explained what happened at graduation - not my fault - and explained cameras to Carol. When in doubt, say cheese.
Qui-Gon - hah, okay, no really - Qui-Gon met Sabriel who wandered into the wrong room. Mind the doors. Zero told Qui-Gon - no, REALLY - about not turning into a kitten. Then Animal and his drum kit interrupted Qui's peace and qui-et. Get it? Qui-et? I kill me.
Turns out The Great Namingo has an admirer in Michelangelo, but she wasn't happy to see Demyx, that kid who bugged me that time. Donatello, who I'm told loves being called the purple teletubby...does that make him Blinky Winky? Anyway, he met Luke. There was talking and probably a whole lot of I don't care.
More meetings! Savannah and Cordy get along swell, Rikku and Gavin talked about the school exploding - not my fault - and then Gavin took orders from Artoo and took a nap.
Setsuna, everyone's favorite Deadpool-approved lesbian left town while Ami moved in. Johnny met Ed and Dick and I feel like whistling Dixie and asking momma when the grits are gonna be done.
If I ever use a Southern accent again, feel free to shoot me. Unless you're Jo Harvelle.
John Connor did something other than shower. I'm astounded. Astounded, I tell you. He told Naomi cabins aren't really camping. He's just jealous because he's leaving. Kids, if your parents ask, tell them you're camping. Just do it. We need the checks.
Speaking of leaving, Peter Parker is on his way home, but not before Isabel asks him to write. Kawalsky - aren't you gone yet? - annoyed the kid, so he webbed Kawalsky's mouth shut. That'll teach you to hum the Macarena at someone. Aeryn came to say a last farewell, goodbye, so long, thanks for all the tuna.
Sam and Dawn, Fandom's cutest couple I did not just say that out loud, snuggled. Good for them. Abby met her new big sister Ami who, it turns out, is sharing a cabin with Billy Bob Senior Jo Joey Jefferson. Kou hit the lobby and the lobby hit back in the form of Evie. Abby and Eve had serious roomie time. Possibly with jello involved. Steve Peter packed. No jello was involved.
This just in - Marco is a vending machine. More news at 11.
Chris and Summer moan, moan, moan and not even for good reasons. Chris got over it and met his aunt Prue, freaked out at meeting Robin and got a bird delivery.
Haku (gesundheit) and Robin had roomie time, Power Rangers met, Cedric kept Jack company if you know what I mean and the brothers Elric were surprised to see each other. Really surprised. I'm talking 'you've won the sweepstakes!' surprised, not 'gee, another tie for Christmas, thanks Zeus' surprised.
Down at the stables, Carol left his horse there, Keladry tried to hide out from people and found English Peter instead. Well, he was a pony that one time, so her plan might've worked.
Roxy got lost on the way to the campsite, but Lana found her way and Buffy met Adam and moved Berthold to the cabins.
Cabins: Would you prefer tents next year?
Okay, so, we're gonna do this in alphabetical order. Alpha to Omega, only with the Latin alphabet because the notes are in English, not Greek. Anyway.
A is for Abominable Snowman. Ponytail and his rat welcomed Visa to their humble abode. They both met The Great Namingo and Raphael. There was talk of turtles, since Raphael is one. Adam came late to the party, but let's all be grateful he showed up at all.
B is for Basilisk. Y'know, the big snake thing that turns people into stone? Or was that Medusa? She was a mean drunk. Al and his cat got settled in, then met Inara who was surprised to learn that Fandom's not a training academy for Companions. If by Companions you mean either sidekicks or ladies of the night, the jury's still out on that one. Hak-I'm just going to bypass the name and start calling you Gesundheit. Gesundheit was surprised to learn Fandom's not a training academy for ninjas. Again, jury's still out on that one. Johnny joined the party and asked Al out on a date. With racing and bikes and something very manly.
Later, Johnny was out by the campfire wanting beer. Lucas joined him to talk about Things That Break Your Brain for 400. Will came to say a cheery hello. Apparently the date with Al was forgotten, because Johnny was checking out Abby. The squirrels seem to think this isn't gonna end well. I'm now taking bets on how he'll end up in the clinic. Call me. Abby thought...thinks? Thinks, thought, at this stage consistent tense is out the window. Abby thought Lucas was trying to mess with her. He probably was, but that doesn't mean it wasn't all true. Welcome to Fandom! Gesundheit and Abby did the meet and greet, then Johnny hit on Gesundheit like a hitting thing that hits. Lucas and Gesundheit talked pronunciation and water. It's Hades. Hay-dees. And I hate water. Johnny hit on Inara, Inara and Gesundheit talked about home, Abby was happy to see another girl, Lucas was a bumbling, jaw-dropping schoolboy - smooth, kid - and Will complimented Johnny on his fire. Worst pick-up line ever.
C is for Chimera, Chupacabra, Cthulhu and Curupira. Down in Chimera, Z hung out, talked to Conner about something that's scratched out in the notes and talked to Evie about the new kids. Hazing! You know you want to.
Blinky Winky the purple turtle relaxed in the living room. Carol was happy to see a giant anthropomorphic turtle because it's a lot like home. We get all kinds here at Fandom High. Gavin met Carol and talked about travel, Steve Peter tried to break Carol's brain with gremlins and aliens. Steve Peter met Blinky Winky and doesn't know his anatomy since he thinks the turtle is part cat. Gavin sulked about missing his ship. One of the squirrels has a crush on Steve Peter, because apparently he 'is a sympathetic ear and really hot and talks a little about New York' and I don't think they got close enough to take his temperature. Blinky Winky and Gavin talked about space travel, Ed came to the party, Steve Peter let Ed in on the Secret of Fandom Island. It's really a hellish amusement park. Ed and Blinky Winky geeked out, but Ed was too cool for school with Carol. Kou...is that right? Ko? Or is it cow? You're now cow. Cow has a weird backstory. Welcome to Fandom. Cow likes turtle. Wasn't there a cartoon like that? Carol said hi, Vi thinks the turtle is a demon. Demon turtle? Is that anything like a demon llama? Maybe less attitude. Ed backed his new buddy up. Jaina came to the mad house and recognized Gavin, but he doesn't recognize her. Carol and Jaina swap stories and thank you thank you it's almost over, Carol wrote notes and talked to his cat.
Weirdos.
C is for Cthulhu. What's a Cthulhu? Maybe it's a kind of puma. Demyx moved in and fell asleep until Dib dropped his trunk. Dawn and Demyx talked music, then Dawn and Griffin talked food. Like s'mores.
Last but not least, C is for Curupira. Tastes like chicken. Fandom Idol and Ponytail's Sister people watched. That's a felony in some places. They talked siblings before Buffy showed up demanding a fridge. They can't figure out how to pronounce their cabin. Chicken. Chi-ken. Warren was called cool by Buffy the cheerleader and impressed Fandom Idol.
No one cares about D, E, F, G, H or I.
J is for Jackalope and I don't see this cabin ending well. John Sheppard tried to talk to Ronan, who was unsociable. Nice. And he likes staring. Great start to freaking people out there, kid. Ronan met Dean and confused the heck out of him, but just didn't want to talk to Little Jo Harvelle. Welcome to my life. Dean and Little Jo Harvelle talked about salt graffiti. Someone named Carmela tackled Ronan. Later on, John S read War and Peace. For fun. He met Alec and talked dopplegangers. Fandom Idol and Ponytail's Sister were around looking for their siblings. Lana leapt on John like a crazy person and worried that he would think she was crazy. Well if the shoe fits...and Dean and John met. Too many Johns. Get nicknames.
K is for Kraken where Sabriel and Malibu Stacy talked in fake snooty voices about boys and beating things up. Jude showed up to contest the cutest couple with Malibu Stacy and I think I threw up a little. Mel and Malibu Stacy talked Zuko, crazy Fandom weekends (not this weekend for the love of the radio staff) and fighting vampires versus fighting zombies. Mel asked Jude not to call her a piece of underwear and...what? Seely and Malibu Stacy have death wishes and if you so much as touch the rubble that was once my office I will flambe you both. I'm sure you'll taste like Curupira.
No one cares about L.
M is for Minotaur where Door and Robin talked in dog and Door showed Charlie her robot pigeon (is that what they're calling it these days?). Charlie asked Naomi if she's really an alien. What? The facial horns didn't give it away? And Robin asked Naomi about life in Fandom. No one can tell you what Fandom is. You have to see it for yourself.
No one cares about N or O.
P is for Phoenix, Pixie and Platypus. In Phoenix, Mac and Cheese snuggled and talked about alien attacks. Great combination.
P is for Pixie, the cabin for the people who we can't get rid of yet, no matter how hard we try, so we're giving you the wimpiest name of all. Tori, Zero, Dances With Prada and Bel and Phoebe moved in. Anders came for a visit. The Red Sea isn't really red. All part of the full service here at Hades' House of Horrors. Sam enjoyed the outside of the cabin, met Carol and his cat and blushed at all the bare skin. D'anna didn't bring any glitter though, so nothing to worry about, but they did plan to make Kawalsky shirtless. My eyes. They burn.
P is for Platypus, which is as mythical as they come. Platy-Annie hung out in the Platy-living room. Platy-Luke came to talk about platy-turtles and platy-vampires. Platy-Dick met the platy-puss. Platy-Dick talked about how his little brother was flaming. Maybe D did find the glitter. Platy-Izzy talked to Platy-Luke about his platy-niece. Platy-Izzy and Platy-Annie talked about platypi and pusses in the feline sense. Platy-Luke met Platy-Jim and Platy-Izzy. They talked about platypi being mythical. So did Platy-Jam. Beaver's tail. Duck's bill. Furry mammal that lays eggs. Totally made up. Platy-Jim and Platy-Annie talked about Platy-cabins. Platy-Izzy told Platy-Pam about last summer's prank war. Platy-Annie and Platy-Pam think abominable snowpeople are mean. Platy-Pam and Platy-Luke discussed Australians who are apparently the weirdest people on Earth. I couldn't agree with you more. [Microphone feedback] kangaroos.
S is for Salamander, Sphinx and Salman Rushdie. Rushdie had more going on, because all the Salamanders did was have Tannim and Shawn talk about the school blowing up.
S is for Sphinx, where Henry, Chris and Billy moved in. Billy and Henry were happy and get this, Cassie cried. What else is new? Griffin came looking for his cabin, couldn't find and stayed to talk to Henry anyway.
I hope Bigfoot eats you all while you're out there.
Town: Because Apparently There's More to This Island Than the School
Roy moved into his apartment, John Connor didn't have a shower but did open Sparky's. Leo opened Photo Hut and Malibu Stacy got photos developed. Better not be any of me. I don't photograph well. Liz opened the Post Office so Emma could drop off a postcard. And Dean took Charlie to the Sin to talk about ghosts. Brothel. Ghosts. Great first date, kid.
Isabel got a car for her birthday and took Jack, Cedric and Dances With Prada for a joyride. The clinic was quiet at morning and night. All's quiet at Lucy's Lounge of Love. Down Caritas way, GOB told the Mountie about his not-so-secret relationship with Tino and the zombie band, Emma flirted with the Mountie and asked GOB for a job. What kind of job? Buster, GOB's brother, showed up for a round of brotherly love. Leo says down with the man! As long as the man isn't me. Squall wanted booze, but didn't have the local greenback.
The scantily clad but no one's complaining Emma Frost ate a croissant in JGOB and met Syvvie and Maddie. Steve came to the bakery and got a mouthful of 'why are you here? What are you teaching? Can my chest be any bigger?' instead. Cassie showed up to cry. Dale Cooper met Steve and I'm running out of the funny here, so pretend there's a joke right about now. Dale met Emma. No joke necessary. Her outfit is enough. Dale can't keep his mouth shut because he met Syvvie too. Then there was a Squall, but you'll have to check the weather guide for more.
Last but not least, because my throat is turning dry here and someone took all the rum, Scar meditated in the park and met Qui-Gon who he apparently knows from the past (interesting). English and Visa were there as well and hey, turns out they're from the same place. I'd make a joke, but MasterCard have the better advertising slogans.
And that's it! That's all from Hades, your buddy, your chum, your guide through the afterlife here on WTFH pirate radio. This might be my last broadcast, so if so, good riddance and goodnight!"