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fandom_radio2010-04-09 09:45 pm
laceycantlie.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2010-04-09 09:45 pm
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Fandom Radio, April 9: Prom Edition
Mitchell: Ow! Was it really necessary to drag me all the way through a portal?
*chittering*
Mitchell: You're damn lucky I'm a night person!
Deadpool: Haaa. I get it. That was cute.
Mitchell: There's nothing cute about this. They threatened to bite me in the shin!
Deadpool: Are you afraid of squirrels? Weeeak.
Mitchell: Have you ever been assaulted by a plague of squirrels heading for your nether regions?!
Illyria: Yes. I beat them off with my sword.
{Pause}
Illyria: Then they stole my sword. RETURN IT TO ME AT ONCE, VERMIN, OR WAKE TOMORROW AS A PARTICULARLY WARM COAT.
Deadpool: I like this kid.
Mitchell: Jesus christ! This is why they invented medication! No, squirrels, don't return the sword. Please.
Illyria: My name is Illyria; the worship of me predates your chocolate rabbit god by millennia.
Deadpool: You take that back! Jesus had a time machine! He was around way before you!
Mitchell: ... What?
Lacey: . . . what? Oh, this is the last time I agree to follow some poor baby squirrel giving me the big helpless eyes.
Illyria: I had tentacles. Your argument is irrelevant.
Mitchell: Tentacles?! I-- hello, sorry about this--
Deadpool: And now you're a schoolgirl. I think that's irony, folks.
Illyria: Would you prefer a male form? I can--
Lacey: Oh, you can just stop right there . . . very scary . . . blue . . . woman. Has no one ever heard of broadcast standards? There could be children listening!
Mitchell: I really doubt that--
Deadpool: Wow, your naive Canadian-ness shames our noble people. They're all too busy goin' at it like a pair of mink on Viagra, after watching the Discovery Channel special on the mating cycle of mink.
Mitchell: --that, but more age-appropriate. Don't we have something to do here?
Deadpool: We dance.
Illyria: If it will get my sword back. I'll take the woman; she's the only one who doesn't smell of death.
Mitchell: Oh, thanks! We're not dancing. We've got notes.
Lacey: Sorry, I don't -- you really wouldn't want to dance with -- I'm really bad with rhythm . . . oh! Notes! I love notes. Really.
Illyria: Give those to me, pestilence-ridden rat-things. No, not you, squirrels. You may give me my sword, or at least stop sliding down the blade. It is not playground equipment, nor are you human children.
SCHOOL
Illyria: The actual human children spent the day in school, counting the hours until your pathetic social ritual would begin.
Deadpool: Awww. No one asked you to the dance? It's okay, I'm sure some guy will dig the Smurf thing. Try 4chan. I hear good things.
Illyria: Fornicate with your own intestine, then send your many spawn back in time that they may mate and produce you, twin-sworded-one.
Deadpool: Are you by any chance related to a Stryfe? Silly helmet? Likes to rip me in half?
Illyria: Unlikely, but I admire his choice in leisure activities. In news that matters no more than the decomposing marsh gas that was the previous conversation, the Law and Order class was taught by someone called "Hot Kyle", who gave lessons on doing things under covers, then wore a dress--
*chittering*
--I don't care what 'dress-up' means. I am a god. If I say he wore a dress, HE WORE A DRESS. His students then also wore dresses, while Dinah assisted in the process. There are no notes about whether the male members of class grew female organs to better match the gender-coded apparel, or not.
Mitchell: ... I think it's not a very long stretch to say they didn't.
Illyria: A pity; that might have made the report mildly interesting. Business 101 battled with their relatives for financial gain; Bobby was there to assist Jim in the task of guiding their internecine struggles, and a cameraman was there to record it for history.
Professor Rogers required no such recordings to educate the Battles class on World War Two and the battles of Britain and the Blitz; his personal narration was enough to make me regret having slept through it.
*chittering*
Illyria: The war, not the lecture, you bacteria with delusions of grandeur. Discussion of the war leaders of the day followed, with Mat and Prince Arthur present to assist.
In the library, Dan chose books for the weekend, proving that I am not the only one to willingly avoid your pointless musical rutting ritual, while the newspaper staff met to discuss how best to report on the further pointlessness of your lives, and Ronan charted something in study hall -- probably the percentage of you who will awake after tonight's dance with some form of communicable disease.
Deadpool: 4chan. Seriously.
Lacey: What is this 4chan thing you keep talking about?
Mitchell: ...youdon'twanttoknow. I mean. I've only been there once!
Deadpool: HA! Pervert.
Mitchell: Someone mentioned it! I got bored!
DORMS
Mitchell: That age-old ritual of picking someone up for prom takes place between Jaime and Dinah. I'm glad I missed out on this one back home. Dru would rather spend hers on the roof.
Illyria: So would I. Unfortunately, squirrels exist.
Mitchell: ... I thank you for that piece of street wisdom. Emma Frost has taken control of the sixth floor. Beware. There's some snacking, and Rose and Elle compliment each other. Karla's not going to prom, so she's going for the snacks instead. Excellent choice. Dinah has trouble picking dresses, so she asks for some advice. I'm not getting further into the details. Tara is sad and anxious at Karla, unlike Effy and Rose, who are more pleased with everything. And with their not-dates. Again, I'm not going to go into it. Effy asks Emma whether she figures the fashion clueless deserve her help.
I think this is best left to someone who knows anything about shoes.
Deadpool: Should we ask the elder god or the cowering chick?
Mitchell: ... I think the squirrels are our best bet there, mate.
Deadpool: Someone needs to read Cosmo and it's not gonna be me.
Mitchell: Yeah, me neither. Ever. Ino and Leia talk about Max's class and whether or not they're difficult women. Leia argues that she's simply a politician. I'd say those are plenty difficult outside of gender, mate. Emma asks Kate to save her a dance, no doubt prompting catcalls from our male audience, and Kennedy talks buttons on her shirt. I... really am not qualified to talk about this. I could use Annie about right now. Karla and Kennedy talk about Karla's freshman status some more. Emma and Kennedy also go on about dresses and I really don't want to know.
Mitchell: Kennedy's pleased with Tara's dress, at least, and Elena prompts more of the adolescent audience to go wild because of her 'date' with Rose.
Deadpool: Elena heard all about Karla's not going because of Freshman-ness and then was all 'why don't underclassmen go?' and I was all 'because it's prom'. Ino and Elena ramble on about rules being made to be broken and I can hear the cliche bus roll on up for that one. Tweety and Jill talk about girls who are boys who are girls who like boys who like boys. And various other song lyrics. Elle was all nervous at Ino about prom and then mentioned she was going with Hayley. And there was talk of flashing. Wow, you guys shoulda done that over spring break, not now. Tweety and Morgana talk about hair and necklines and SWEET MOTHER OF CRAP MY BRAIN IS MELTING, PEOPLE.
Someone give me something strong enough to kill a donkey or I will be forced to burn something down. I don't know what yet.
Illyria: I am strong enough to kill a donkey, but I would prefer to see things burn than give myself to you. I would, however, be willing to help you burn them.
Deadpool: ...that's helpful. People went somewhere for Help and god, they better have booze. Emma-lite *snerk* helped curl Triela's hair. I need proof of that to send to Scotty. I swear. It's like that universe with evil people, only she's good here. Karla hugged Triela and was all about having a hot date later. Jill and Karla drive me to drink with talk of tiny clips. Tiny, tiny clips. For christ's sake, people. Jan doesn't need all this crap. Maybe a lil bow if she feels saucy. But that's it.
Mitchell: I'm disturbed that you're referring to your own child as 'saucy'. God.
Deadpool: First of all, she's not my kid. Second of all... she's allowed to be however she wants and if you stifle her creativity I will hunt you down and gut you. Then I'll set those inside bits on fire and turn them into modern art.
Mitchell: ... You're a man of protective instincts, aren't you?
Deadpool: With love!
Mitchell: I'm still disturbed.
Lacey: I'm hiding behind you, Mitchell, is that okay? Actually, I'm doing that one way or the other.
Mitchell: *sigh* Just move your chair behind mine, you'll be fine. I think they're both on their time of the month.
Deadpool: You take that back you limey bastard!
Lacey: . . . I feel like I shouldn't be surprised somehow.
Illyria: Your moon-cycles have ownership? Wesley failed to explain this to me. How is this established? Do we battle for the it? I would prefer the end of the month to be my time; the weather will be warmer.
Mitchell: ... it doesn't matter, please just keep going.
Deadpool: They... took pictures for some reason that is beyond my comprehension. And Rose snarked at Karla for not going and Karla was all 'I HAVE A DATE, GOD.' Or maybe that was me. I dunno. And for reasons unknown, there was a ballpit.
TOWNIES
Mitchell: Elsewhere, George and Karla meet up for milkshakes since they're too young for the prom yet. Tyler and Tony are happier that they're not there - they've retreated with some Thai food.
Deadpool: So, Hot Alex was busy looking at legal gossip sites where people probably object to things and then sue for slander. Or is it libel? I can never tell. Anyway, Karla showed up to thank her for advice on a 'friend' and what a 'friend' should do. Look, Karla, if ya killed a hobo while joy-riding in a car with your best friends just after graduation and you have your entire futures ahead of you and so you dump him in the ocean, but he really wasn't dead, so he comes after you all one year later to exact his revenge... you totally brought it on yourselves.
Mitchell: Thanks. You've now spoiled that film for everyone.
Deadpool: Oh, like people haven't seen it. Pansy.
Mitchell: Half our student base is from before the 1900s!
Deadpool: Then they won't care. Even if they should. Did you see Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts in that movie? They deserve their own screen credit.
Mitchell: ...They are fairly nice. A bit plump around the-- radio.
Deadpool: Anywho... Marcus was lurkin' about, busy with junk at the junk yard, Hurley got a last minute corsage and made his date feel special after this hits the air, Angie the wonder-cop was lookin' at pet shampoo at the pet store. The one that hasn't been the same since those monkey-ponies attacked. Mary with the fabulous rack was folding towel swans when Sean stopped by to show off his Layla Miller impersonation, Jenny had that clothing shop open juuuust in case, Hope was tryin' to make Turtle proud with last minute deals on prom crap, Mina had a bunch of condoms at the clinic. Just in case. Did not needta know. Aaaand Damon was beating up his liver like it owed him money at Caritas. Slanche!
Mitchell: So in case anyone hadn't noticed, there was a prom going on. It involved masks. The bloke who usually does this made fun of Merlin's mask. I'm sure it was fine. Francine teased Katchoo about breaking the bed-- congratulations, you two!
Illyria: On the tall girl's clumsiness, or the waste of her child-bearing hips?
Mitchell: ... ... good god, the stories about you people aren't exaggerated, are they?
Jaina and Lois congratulated each other on opting for class, not... anything else. Rose and Griff discussed how the latter was only there for Alex. Sorry. I hear unrequited love can be difficult. Effy teased him for his lack of a mask, and Alex came up again. Ben flailed endlessly about Leia's dress, or rather the lack of it near the back. Welcome to the 21st century, my friend. Jaina asked Leia for photographic evidence of her existence, which is a bit rude.
Mitchell: Looks like Chuck is still a girl. Stay strong. Tony was annoyed that he was enjoying it. Well, a bloke turns into a girl, things will... anyway. Mat flirted with him, unaware that he wasn't actually a girl. That's... likely to be awkward. K-Mart was pleased to see Effy, and Jak and Triela managed awkward small talk on arrival. Elena scoured the floor with Rose's help, and Sam and Peter shared some excellent news about the future. Congratulations. This was immediately sullied as Chuck informed Sam that they were due for a dance, and there were loads of men hitting on him. I don't even want to think about this. Although I've heard about it happening before.
...
Outside of Fandom.
...
Please don't ask.
Deadpool: We accept you, Mitchell. I mean... c'mon. You're the leader of the ASS club!
Mitchell: I'm fairly sure the acronym works out to ASSG. What are you implying?
Deadpool: That you enjoy the menfolk. If you know what I mean.
Mitchell: ... I've dabbled.
Deadpool: Gaaaaay.
Mitchell: Not really. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Besides, don't you have a boyfriend?
Deadpool: I'm perfectly straight. With a lil' bit of a wiggle.
Mitchell: Uh-huh. Leto proves himself the smoothest at the prom, proclaiming his date the most beautiful among women. Triela also found him in a complimentary mood. He sounds like a bit of a player. Emma and Jack arrived together, although poor Jack had to be filled in on the details of the whole prom experience. And Ben and Tahiri arrived in traditional prom wear.
Deadpool: Priestly was quote unquote steampunkin' it up at prom. I'm just gonna assume that involves a corncob pipe and a lot of pluck and vigor. K-Mart was all up in that look and he said he got carried away. Like a steamboat. Tweety and him compliment each other on their less than normal attire. Was she dressed up like Lady Gaga or something?
Kate showed up with a nervous Bod--who is apparently a person and not a cologne. Live and learn. Leto looked at her man, back to her, back at her man, back to her. And said it was a nice dress. Bobby and Sookie arrived together and picked out masks even though I'm pretty sure he never wore a mask. Juuust a speedo. Oh, the 60's. It was a simpler time back then.
Mitchell: Hardly. ... I mean, think of having all of those drugs around. Back then. The... people must have gone mad with lost time.
Deadpool: I wouldn't know, I was a product of the 90s.
Mitchell: Try and be a little empathic.
Deadpool: No. I like being a douche. Angela and mini-me checked out the room and each other because they're mink as mentioned above. Just scroll up if you've forgotten. Jaina and John the fatty showed up and were on the look out for her family because he's collecting Social Security now. The felt frog complimented Kurt on his mask which mighta been an insult, I'm not sure. Didi and Jono were determined to have a good time. As opposed to going out of their way to ruin it forever. Jeeeeeaaan and Nate's new daddy met up and talked about his family business. Puck went off to hit on Kate, like you do. But he better watch out. I hear Bod knows how they do things in the OC.
Bitch.
Mitchell: ... with far too much sun and a lot of complaining teenagers?
Deadpool: California here we come! Right back where we started from.... Californiaaaa!
Mitchell: It isn't for me.
Deadpool: You and your sun-hate. Tweety showed up with Jaime aaaaand Momoko of the awesome baking with Lion-o.
Lacey: What's a prom without photos, right? With your choice of flower, masquerade, or . . . lemur backdrops. Does anyone know how the lemurs fit into this? The punch isn't spiked yet -- yet -- and spiking the mini-cheesecakes would be hard, and now I hope I didn't give anyone ideas for the next dance. Mat gets one look at Leia's dress and heads over, because it's Mat, who according to Arthur looks like he's on a hunt. Carefully. I can't do the Discovery Channel voiceover thing, but it looks like this hunt includes approaching Rose for a dance while she's at the cheesecake feeding grounds, and Ellie. Mat's a very busy boy, isn't he? All of that and complimenting Morgana and Francine on how they look. Layla tells Priestly she knocked him out and took his parking space, and Rose is surprised Bobby's there because he's an underclassman who could have snuck in, but I prefer to think he had a date. Robin who is not Canadian or human tells Morgana he brought his own mask, and Rose discusses her evening plans with Morgana. I, unlike some people in this booth, am not speculating on people's evening plans, thank you very much. Arthur warns Morgana away from the punch and disapproves of her dress, and Didi checks to make sure Bod's having fun. As much fun as you kids can have with the chaperones around, anyway, so I hope you all behave yourselves. Anakin and Rory, Deadpool, Barney, and Zoe are there to keep an eye on all of you. Isn't that reassuring?
Deadpool: I was reassured!
Mitchell: Not particularly.
Illyria: I was never assured in the first place, nor do I care.
In the shadowy corners outside the tent, Alex could be found sucking burning leaves into his mouth -- yes, I can see why I should weep wih shame for having missed such activities -- and speaking with Rose and Jenny about ...ah. Crushing men, and the stupidity of the dance. I approve of both.
Deadpool: ...maybe pinkcupid.com instead then?
Illyria: Ben came out with cheesecakes and discussed mating with Alex, who doesn't date girls. That is what it says, chitterers. You wrote the notes; I only do you the favor of reading them so that I can be quit of your presence and regain my blade as soon as possible. Merlin, meanwhile, stealthily approached Effy in the darkness to.... speak to her. If you're going to stoop to sneakiness, wizard, you might at least use it for something of value like assassination. Alex, who doesn't date girls, as reported earlier, complimented Effy on her outfit. Don't waste your time, Effy; he's been mating with Ben.
Deadpool: And people say I crap up?
Illyria: Rose expressed excitement at seeing Worf dressed for the dance. {Pause. Chitter.} What? I have nothing insulting to say on that subject. Don't make those noises at me; I require no blade to slice the fur from your skin with my teeth and swallow you whole.
Within, there were rooms for disposing of your digested nutrients and re-painting your faces if the indications of sexual readiness have worn off. The Disc Jockey provided music to accompany your writhing; Kate and Bod writhed together, while Mat writhed with Rose, Ellie, and Jaina, who also writhed with John, who is, given his position at the end of all the writhing, infinitesimally more likely to awaken with a communicable disease than all the rest of you.
Lacey: Not asking. Not asking at all Some of us can be discreet, and not speculate too much about people's personal problems. I will, personally, be discreet over there. Away from you. And in further prom developments, the dance went on, complete with the announcement of the prom court. Aww, congratulations to the Prince and Princess, Mat Cauthon and Dinah Lance, and the King and Queen, Sam Winchester and Rose Hathaway! I presume they were all pleased to get their names called. Oh, I love prom court announcements. *sniffle* They make me so nostalgic for mine.
Deadpool: ...for highschool? Really?
Lacey: Yes, really. . . . maybe a little tiny bit. And, since it is tradition, the prom court danced to, uh . . . Bon Jovi? Wow. *nervous giggle* Kids these days. Of course, nobody stops socializing at a dance just because the court gets announced, so let's see who all's around, shall we? Claire -- and these notes say her dress is new, but isn't that the case for most prom dresses? Okay! You know what? Let's just assume it is, and if anyone's wearing a secondhand one . . . I won't mention it. How's that?
Mitchell: It's very kind of you.
Lacey: . . . not that there's anything wrong with that, girls. Or . . . guys in dresses. Anyway, Joan's there, and Hoshi thinks Hurley'd rather be there with Penelope, but he says he's happy being there with her. Oh, that's so sweet. I'm -- *sniffle* Puck and his punch are around, and Rose fixes the problem of Jack Priest not dancing. Hayley seems to be rather appreciative of the way Elle looks, and Zayne, who by the way is cheerfully drunk, pays tribute to Prom Queen Rose . . . wow, not even on the throne a day and she's got that kind of adoration. I want to know her secret. Gunn worries about Chuck-who's-a-girl-right-now mixing high heels and alcohol. Oh, no, see, there's a secret to that . . . that I don't actually know. Alcohol? Yes, see, from the punch by the food tables. Oh, don't look at me like that, squirrel, everybody knows about spiked punch at dances.
*scandalized chittering*
It's a harsh world. Get used to it. Harper's enjoying the snacks, but brought her own drinks like a smart girl. Be glad the island's too small for cars, Harper, or you'd have ended up everyone's designated driver. Arthur's watching the punch. To see if it does something? Is the punch watching him back? I don't know, but Didi's avoiding it, but appreciating the food. Ellie, on the other hand, is showing equal appreciation for both.
Remember how I mentioned Zayne's drunk? This just in: He loves you all. I don't know, it's just what the notes say. But it's . . . sweet? As is Mat's warning to him not to hit on the girl who's actually Chuck. Friends don't let friends hit on girl!Chuck. Assuming they're friends, that is. Over in the chaperones' area, a tipsy Robin (eeeeeeeee) tells Fraser she wants her wedding to be like prom. Oh! Do you need any help with the planning, Robin? I'd be more than happy to clear my calendar to help you with that.
*chittering*
I do too have a calendar. You be quiet.
Deadpool: Does that mean we hafta all wear bad dresses to it?
Lacey: Can you . . . maybe not? I don't know if a dress is the -- er -- most flattering thing for your figure. Tara's watching the dance from the shadowy corners, and . . . in case anyone was wondering? The bathrooms didn't get up and walk away. Around here you never know. Out on the dance floor, cutting a rug or whatever it is you crazy kids do these days, Jack Priest and Rose do their thing, and Zayne's still drunk and dancing with himse-elf, dancing with himse-elf, with -- *ahem*. Right.
Mitchell: Anything you'd like to share with the class?
Illyria: My SWORD.
Mitchell: ... I'm not sure... sharing that... is such a good idea...
Deadpool: Ooo! Ooo! Dibs!
Illyria: I don't wish to share it; I was commanding its return.
Mitchell: Yeah, congratulations, the squirrels look very eager about that.
Deadpool: That's it folks! We're free to drink until out brains die.
Mitchell: Lacey, you can come out from under the desk now...
*chittering*
Mitchell: You're damn lucky I'm a night person!
Deadpool: Haaa. I get it. That was cute.
Mitchell: There's nothing cute about this. They threatened to bite me in the shin!
Deadpool: Are you afraid of squirrels? Weeeak.
Mitchell: Have you ever been assaulted by a plague of squirrels heading for your nether regions?!
Illyria: Yes. I beat them off with my sword.
{Pause}
Illyria: Then they stole my sword. RETURN IT TO ME AT ONCE, VERMIN, OR WAKE TOMORROW AS A PARTICULARLY WARM COAT.
Deadpool: I like this kid.
Mitchell: Jesus christ! This is why they invented medication! No, squirrels, don't return the sword. Please.
Illyria: My name is Illyria; the worship of me predates your chocolate rabbit god by millennia.
Deadpool: You take that back! Jesus had a time machine! He was around way before you!
Mitchell: ... What?
Lacey: . . . what? Oh, this is the last time I agree to follow some poor baby squirrel giving me the big helpless eyes.
Illyria: I had tentacles. Your argument is irrelevant.
Mitchell: Tentacles?! I-- hello, sorry about this--
Deadpool: And now you're a schoolgirl. I think that's irony, folks.
Illyria: Would you prefer a male form? I can--
Lacey: Oh, you can just stop right there . . . very scary . . . blue . . . woman. Has no one ever heard of broadcast standards? There could be children listening!
Mitchell: I really doubt that--
Deadpool: Wow, your naive Canadian-ness shames our noble people. They're all too busy goin' at it like a pair of mink on Viagra, after watching the Discovery Channel special on the mating cycle of mink.
Mitchell: --that, but more age-appropriate. Don't we have something to do here?
Deadpool: We dance.
Illyria: If it will get my sword back. I'll take the woman; she's the only one who doesn't smell of death.
Mitchell: Oh, thanks! We're not dancing. We've got notes.
Lacey: Sorry, I don't -- you really wouldn't want to dance with -- I'm really bad with rhythm . . . oh! Notes! I love notes. Really.
Illyria: Give those to me, pestilence-ridden rat-things. No, not you, squirrels. You may give me my sword, or at least stop sliding down the blade. It is not playground equipment, nor are you human children.
SCHOOL
Illyria: The actual human children spent the day in school, counting the hours until your pathetic social ritual would begin.
Deadpool: Awww. No one asked you to the dance? It's okay, I'm sure some guy will dig the Smurf thing. Try 4chan. I hear good things.
Illyria: Fornicate with your own intestine, then send your many spawn back in time that they may mate and produce you, twin-sworded-one.
Deadpool: Are you by any chance related to a Stryfe? Silly helmet? Likes to rip me in half?
Illyria: Unlikely, but I admire his choice in leisure activities. In news that matters no more than the decomposing marsh gas that was the previous conversation, the Law and Order class was taught by someone called "Hot Kyle", who gave lessons on doing things under covers, then wore a dress--
*chittering*
--I don't care what 'dress-up' means. I am a god. If I say he wore a dress, HE WORE A DRESS. His students then also wore dresses, while Dinah assisted in the process. There are no notes about whether the male members of class grew female organs to better match the gender-coded apparel, or not.
Mitchell: ... I think it's not a very long stretch to say they didn't.
Illyria: A pity; that might have made the report mildly interesting. Business 101 battled with their relatives for financial gain; Bobby was there to assist Jim in the task of guiding their internecine struggles, and a cameraman was there to record it for history.
Professor Rogers required no such recordings to educate the Battles class on World War Two and the battles of Britain and the Blitz; his personal narration was enough to make me regret having slept through it.
*chittering*
Illyria: The war, not the lecture, you bacteria with delusions of grandeur. Discussion of the war leaders of the day followed, with Mat and Prince Arthur present to assist.
In the library, Dan chose books for the weekend, proving that I am not the only one to willingly avoid your pointless musical rutting ritual, while the newspaper staff met to discuss how best to report on the further pointlessness of your lives, and Ronan charted something in study hall -- probably the percentage of you who will awake after tonight's dance with some form of communicable disease.
Deadpool: 4chan. Seriously.
Lacey: What is this 4chan thing you keep talking about?
Mitchell: ...youdon'twanttoknow. I mean. I've only been there once!
Deadpool: HA! Pervert.
Mitchell: Someone mentioned it! I got bored!
DORMS
Mitchell: That age-old ritual of picking someone up for prom takes place between Jaime and Dinah. I'm glad I missed out on this one back home. Dru would rather spend hers on the roof.
Illyria: So would I. Unfortunately, squirrels exist.
Mitchell: ... I thank you for that piece of street wisdom. Emma Frost has taken control of the sixth floor. Beware. There's some snacking, and Rose and Elle compliment each other. Karla's not going to prom, so she's going for the snacks instead. Excellent choice. Dinah has trouble picking dresses, so she asks for some advice. I'm not getting further into the details. Tara is sad and anxious at Karla, unlike Effy and Rose, who are more pleased with everything. And with their not-dates. Again, I'm not going to go into it. Effy asks Emma whether she figures the fashion clueless deserve her help.
I think this is best left to someone who knows anything about shoes.
Deadpool: Should we ask the elder god or the cowering chick?
Mitchell: ... I think the squirrels are our best bet there, mate.
Deadpool: Someone needs to read Cosmo and it's not gonna be me.
Mitchell: Yeah, me neither. Ever. Ino and Leia talk about Max's class and whether or not they're difficult women. Leia argues that she's simply a politician. I'd say those are plenty difficult outside of gender, mate. Emma asks Kate to save her a dance, no doubt prompting catcalls from our male audience, and Kennedy talks buttons on her shirt. I... really am not qualified to talk about this. I could use Annie about right now. Karla and Kennedy talk about Karla's freshman status some more. Emma and Kennedy also go on about dresses and I really don't want to know.
Mitchell: Kennedy's pleased with Tara's dress, at least, and Elena prompts more of the adolescent audience to go wild because of her 'date' with Rose.
Deadpool: Elena heard all about Karla's not going because of Freshman-ness and then was all 'why don't underclassmen go?' and I was all 'because it's prom'. Ino and Elena ramble on about rules being made to be broken and I can hear the cliche bus roll on up for that one. Tweety and Jill talk about girls who are boys who are girls who like boys who like boys. And various other song lyrics. Elle was all nervous at Ino about prom and then mentioned she was going with Hayley. And there was talk of flashing. Wow, you guys shoulda done that over spring break, not now. Tweety and Morgana talk about hair and necklines and SWEET MOTHER OF CRAP MY BRAIN IS MELTING, PEOPLE.
Someone give me something strong enough to kill a donkey or I will be forced to burn something down. I don't know what yet.
Illyria: I am strong enough to kill a donkey, but I would prefer to see things burn than give myself to you. I would, however, be willing to help you burn them.
Deadpool: ...that's helpful. People went somewhere for Help and god, they better have booze. Emma-lite *snerk* helped curl Triela's hair. I need proof of that to send to Scotty. I swear. It's like that universe with evil people, only she's good here. Karla hugged Triela and was all about having a hot date later. Jill and Karla drive me to drink with talk of tiny clips. Tiny, tiny clips. For christ's sake, people. Jan doesn't need all this crap. Maybe a lil bow if she feels saucy. But that's it.
Mitchell: I'm disturbed that you're referring to your own child as 'saucy'. God.
Deadpool: First of all, she's not my kid. Second of all... she's allowed to be however she wants and if you stifle her creativity I will hunt you down and gut you. Then I'll set those inside bits on fire and turn them into modern art.
Mitchell: ... You're a man of protective instincts, aren't you?
Deadpool: With love!
Mitchell: I'm still disturbed.
Lacey: I'm hiding behind you, Mitchell, is that okay? Actually, I'm doing that one way or the other.
Mitchell: *sigh* Just move your chair behind mine, you'll be fine. I think they're both on their time of the month.
Deadpool: You take that back you limey bastard!
Lacey: . . . I feel like I shouldn't be surprised somehow.
Illyria: Your moon-cycles have ownership? Wesley failed to explain this to me. How is this established? Do we battle for the it? I would prefer the end of the month to be my time; the weather will be warmer.
Mitchell: ... it doesn't matter, please just keep going.
Deadpool: They... took pictures for some reason that is beyond my comprehension. And Rose snarked at Karla for not going and Karla was all 'I HAVE A DATE, GOD.' Or maybe that was me. I dunno. And for reasons unknown, there was a ballpit.
TOWNIES
Mitchell: Elsewhere, George and Karla meet up for milkshakes since they're too young for the prom yet. Tyler and Tony are happier that they're not there - they've retreated with some Thai food.
Deadpool: So, Hot Alex was busy looking at legal gossip sites where people probably object to things and then sue for slander. Or is it libel? I can never tell. Anyway, Karla showed up to thank her for advice on a 'friend' and what a 'friend' should do. Look, Karla, if ya killed a hobo while joy-riding in a car with your best friends just after graduation and you have your entire futures ahead of you and so you dump him in the ocean, but he really wasn't dead, so he comes after you all one year later to exact his revenge... you totally brought it on yourselves.
Mitchell: Thanks. You've now spoiled that film for everyone.
Deadpool: Oh, like people haven't seen it. Pansy.
Mitchell: Half our student base is from before the 1900s!
Deadpool: Then they won't care. Even if they should. Did you see Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts in that movie? They deserve their own screen credit.
Mitchell: ...They are fairly nice. A bit plump around the-- radio.
Deadpool: Anywho... Marcus was lurkin' about, busy with junk at the junk yard, Hurley got a last minute corsage and made his date feel special after this hits the air, Angie the wonder-cop was lookin' at pet shampoo at the pet store. The one that hasn't been the same since those monkey-ponies attacked. Mary with the fabulous rack was folding towel swans when Sean stopped by to show off his Layla Miller impersonation, Jenny had that clothing shop open juuuust in case, Hope was tryin' to make Turtle proud with last minute deals on prom crap, Mina had a bunch of condoms at the clinic. Just in case. Did not needta know. Aaaand Damon was beating up his liver like it owed him money at Caritas. Slanche!
Mitchell: So in case anyone hadn't noticed, there was a prom going on. It involved masks. The bloke who usually does this made fun of Merlin's mask. I'm sure it was fine. Francine teased Katchoo about breaking the bed-- congratulations, you two!
Illyria: On the tall girl's clumsiness, or the waste of her child-bearing hips?
Mitchell: ... ... good god, the stories about you people aren't exaggerated, are they?
Jaina and Lois congratulated each other on opting for class, not... anything else. Rose and Griff discussed how the latter was only there for Alex. Sorry. I hear unrequited love can be difficult. Effy teased him for his lack of a mask, and Alex came up again. Ben flailed endlessly about Leia's dress, or rather the lack of it near the back. Welcome to the 21st century, my friend. Jaina asked Leia for photographic evidence of her existence, which is a bit rude.
Mitchell: Looks like Chuck is still a girl. Stay strong. Tony was annoyed that he was enjoying it. Well, a bloke turns into a girl, things will... anyway. Mat flirted with him, unaware that he wasn't actually a girl. That's... likely to be awkward. K-Mart was pleased to see Effy, and Jak and Triela managed awkward small talk on arrival. Elena scoured the floor with Rose's help, and Sam and Peter shared some excellent news about the future. Congratulations. This was immediately sullied as Chuck informed Sam that they were due for a dance, and there were loads of men hitting on him. I don't even want to think about this. Although I've heard about it happening before.
...
Outside of Fandom.
...
Please don't ask.
Deadpool: We accept you, Mitchell. I mean... c'mon. You're the leader of the ASS club!
Mitchell: I'm fairly sure the acronym works out to ASSG. What are you implying?
Deadpool: That you enjoy the menfolk. If you know what I mean.
Mitchell: ... I've dabbled.
Deadpool: Gaaaaay.
Mitchell: Not really. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Besides, don't you have a boyfriend?
Deadpool: I'm perfectly straight. With a lil' bit of a wiggle.
Mitchell: Uh-huh. Leto proves himself the smoothest at the prom, proclaiming his date the most beautiful among women. Triela also found him in a complimentary mood. He sounds like a bit of a player. Emma and Jack arrived together, although poor Jack had to be filled in on the details of the whole prom experience. And Ben and Tahiri arrived in traditional prom wear.
Deadpool: Priestly was quote unquote steampunkin' it up at prom. I'm just gonna assume that involves a corncob pipe and a lot of pluck and vigor. K-Mart was all up in that look and he said he got carried away. Like a steamboat. Tweety and him compliment each other on their less than normal attire. Was she dressed up like Lady Gaga or something?
Kate showed up with a nervous Bod--who is apparently a person and not a cologne. Live and learn. Leto looked at her man, back to her, back at her man, back to her. And said it was a nice dress. Bobby and Sookie arrived together and picked out masks even though I'm pretty sure he never wore a mask. Juuust a speedo. Oh, the 60's. It was a simpler time back then.
Mitchell: Hardly. ... I mean, think of having all of those drugs around. Back then. The... people must have gone mad with lost time.
Deadpool: I wouldn't know, I was a product of the 90s.
Mitchell: Try and be a little empathic.
Deadpool: No. I like being a douche. Angela and mini-me checked out the room and each other because they're mink as mentioned above. Just scroll up if you've forgotten. Jaina and John the fatty showed up and were on the look out for her family because he's collecting Social Security now. The felt frog complimented Kurt on his mask which mighta been an insult, I'm not sure. Didi and Jono were determined to have a good time. As opposed to going out of their way to ruin it forever. Jeeeeeaaan and Nate's new daddy met up and talked about his family business. Puck went off to hit on Kate, like you do. But he better watch out. I hear Bod knows how they do things in the OC.
Bitch.
Mitchell: ... with far too much sun and a lot of complaining teenagers?
Deadpool: California here we come! Right back where we started from.... Californiaaaa!
Mitchell: It isn't for me.
Deadpool: You and your sun-hate. Tweety showed up with Jaime aaaaand Momoko of the awesome baking with Lion-o.
Lacey: What's a prom without photos, right? With your choice of flower, masquerade, or . . . lemur backdrops. Does anyone know how the lemurs fit into this? The punch isn't spiked yet -- yet -- and spiking the mini-cheesecakes would be hard, and now I hope I didn't give anyone ideas for the next dance. Mat gets one look at Leia's dress and heads over, because it's Mat, who according to Arthur looks like he's on a hunt. Carefully. I can't do the Discovery Channel voiceover thing, but it looks like this hunt includes approaching Rose for a dance while she's at the cheesecake feeding grounds, and Ellie. Mat's a very busy boy, isn't he? All of that and complimenting Morgana and Francine on how they look. Layla tells Priestly she knocked him out and took his parking space, and Rose is surprised Bobby's there because he's an underclassman who could have snuck in, but I prefer to think he had a date. Robin who is not Canadian or human tells Morgana he brought his own mask, and Rose discusses her evening plans with Morgana. I, unlike some people in this booth, am not speculating on people's evening plans, thank you very much. Arthur warns Morgana away from the punch and disapproves of her dress, and Didi checks to make sure Bod's having fun. As much fun as you kids can have with the chaperones around, anyway, so I hope you all behave yourselves. Anakin and Rory, Deadpool, Barney, and Zoe are there to keep an eye on all of you. Isn't that reassuring?
Deadpool: I was reassured!
Mitchell: Not particularly.
Illyria: I was never assured in the first place, nor do I care.
In the shadowy corners outside the tent, Alex could be found sucking burning leaves into his mouth -- yes, I can see why I should weep wih shame for having missed such activities -- and speaking with Rose and Jenny about ...ah. Crushing men, and the stupidity of the dance. I approve of both.
Deadpool: ...maybe pinkcupid.com instead then?
Illyria: Ben came out with cheesecakes and discussed mating with Alex, who doesn't date girls. That is what it says, chitterers. You wrote the notes; I only do you the favor of reading them so that I can be quit of your presence and regain my blade as soon as possible. Merlin, meanwhile, stealthily approached Effy in the darkness to.... speak to her. If you're going to stoop to sneakiness, wizard, you might at least use it for something of value like assassination. Alex, who doesn't date girls, as reported earlier, complimented Effy on her outfit. Don't waste your time, Effy; he's been mating with Ben.
Deadpool: And people say I crap up?
Illyria: Rose expressed excitement at seeing Worf dressed for the dance. {Pause. Chitter.} What? I have nothing insulting to say on that subject. Don't make those noises at me; I require no blade to slice the fur from your skin with my teeth and swallow you whole.
Within, there were rooms for disposing of your digested nutrients and re-painting your faces if the indications of sexual readiness have worn off. The Disc Jockey provided music to accompany your writhing; Kate and Bod writhed together, while Mat writhed with Rose, Ellie, and Jaina, who also writhed with John, who is, given his position at the end of all the writhing, infinitesimally more likely to awaken with a communicable disease than all the rest of you.
Lacey: Not asking. Not asking at all Some of us can be discreet, and not speculate too much about people's personal problems. I will, personally, be discreet over there. Away from you. And in further prom developments, the dance went on, complete with the announcement of the prom court. Aww, congratulations to the Prince and Princess, Mat Cauthon and Dinah Lance, and the King and Queen, Sam Winchester and Rose Hathaway! I presume they were all pleased to get their names called. Oh, I love prom court announcements. *sniffle* They make me so nostalgic for mine.
Deadpool: ...for highschool? Really?
Lacey: Yes, really. . . . maybe a little tiny bit. And, since it is tradition, the prom court danced to, uh . . . Bon Jovi? Wow. *nervous giggle* Kids these days. Of course, nobody stops socializing at a dance just because the court gets announced, so let's see who all's around, shall we? Claire -- and these notes say her dress is new, but isn't that the case for most prom dresses? Okay! You know what? Let's just assume it is, and if anyone's wearing a secondhand one . . . I won't mention it. How's that?
Mitchell: It's very kind of you.
Lacey: . . . not that there's anything wrong with that, girls. Or . . . guys in dresses. Anyway, Joan's there, and Hoshi thinks Hurley'd rather be there with Penelope, but he says he's happy being there with her. Oh, that's so sweet. I'm -- *sniffle* Puck and his punch are around, and Rose fixes the problem of Jack Priest not dancing. Hayley seems to be rather appreciative of the way Elle looks, and Zayne, who by the way is cheerfully drunk, pays tribute to Prom Queen Rose . . . wow, not even on the throne a day and she's got that kind of adoration. I want to know her secret. Gunn worries about Chuck-who's-a-girl-right-now mixing high heels and alcohol. Oh, no, see, there's a secret to that . . . that I don't actually know. Alcohol? Yes, see, from the punch by the food tables. Oh, don't look at me like that, squirrel, everybody knows about spiked punch at dances.
*scandalized chittering*
It's a harsh world. Get used to it. Harper's enjoying the snacks, but brought her own drinks like a smart girl. Be glad the island's too small for cars, Harper, or you'd have ended up everyone's designated driver. Arthur's watching the punch. To see if it does something? Is the punch watching him back? I don't know, but Didi's avoiding it, but appreciating the food. Ellie, on the other hand, is showing equal appreciation for both.
Remember how I mentioned Zayne's drunk? This just in: He loves you all. I don't know, it's just what the notes say. But it's . . . sweet? As is Mat's warning to him not to hit on the girl who's actually Chuck. Friends don't let friends hit on girl!Chuck. Assuming they're friends, that is. Over in the chaperones' area, a tipsy Robin (eeeeeeeee) tells Fraser she wants her wedding to be like prom. Oh! Do you need any help with the planning, Robin? I'd be more than happy to clear my calendar to help you with that.
*chittering*
I do too have a calendar. You be quiet.
Deadpool: Does that mean we hafta all wear bad dresses to it?
Lacey: Can you . . . maybe not? I don't know if a dress is the -- er -- most flattering thing for your figure. Tara's watching the dance from the shadowy corners, and . . . in case anyone was wondering? The bathrooms didn't get up and walk away. Around here you never know. Out on the dance floor, cutting a rug or whatever it is you crazy kids do these days, Jack Priest and Rose do their thing, and Zayne's still drunk and dancing with himse-elf, dancing with himse-elf, with -- *ahem*. Right.
Mitchell: Anything you'd like to share with the class?
Illyria: My SWORD.
Mitchell: ... I'm not sure... sharing that... is such a good idea...
Deadpool: Ooo! Ooo! Dibs!
Illyria: I don't wish to share it; I was commanding its return.
Mitchell: Yeah, congratulations, the squirrels look very eager about that.
Deadpool: That's it folks! We're free to drink until out brains die.
Mitchell: Lacey, you can come out from under the desk now...