WTFH

Jeff: Hello, Fandom! Turtle's not in today 'cos she's at home with her parents and my mother hasn't shown up so I think I can leave the barricade for a moment-- what happened to our notes?

*chittering*

Jeff: What do you mean, 'when the cat's out'? I don't have a cat! I have a dog!

*more chittering*

Jeff: I can keep a broadcast together! I don't need Turtle to keep a broadcast together! I'm very good at keeping things together!

Chad: ....Do you still want my help then, little bro? I don't mind, but if you wanna do it solo, that's cool.

Jeff: No, no, your help will be fine, I've just got to convince these squirrels to keep things in the right order.

*angry chittering*

Chad: *grunt* Forgot how cute these squirrels are. Let's jus' read 'em like this. I don't wanna make 'em angry at us, Jeff.

( Maybe they were just blinded by the prints of their shirts... )

Jeff: I don't see any, but that may just be the squirrels being withholding again.

Chad: *shuffling papers* Nope. Think we're good, Jeff. So we jus' say good night now?

Jeff: ...Can we hang up now?

Chad: I'll do it. It's my phone. Buenos noches, Fandom, Feliz Navidad, and, uh, happy Hanukkah and Solstice and Kwanzaa and stuff.

*click!*

[[ lol, plz to be ignoring account. kind of ]]

Turtle: Good evening, fellow Fandomites! It's Monday, a quiet Monday, and hopefully it will stay that way through the broadcast, but you never know. You can probably bet against it. Because I do radio with Jeff.

Jeff: Turtle? I think I'm starting to see tumbleweeds like in films.

Turtle: ...oh, wow. That really was a tumbleweed, wasn't it?

Jeff: I think it's looking at me a bit funny. Are tumbleweeds even supposed to look at things?

Turtle: Maybe if we ignore it and just get to the notes, it'll go away.

Jeff: ... I'm just going to move slightly in your general area. Not that general area! Just... the general area.

( RADIO IS CANCELED. Okay. Maybe not. )

Jeff: So can we go home and see about that Turtle and Jeff-style snuggling now? *sound of audible grinning* 'Cos it's important to have lots and lots of notes.

Turtle: Oy. Only if you promise not to be a skunk about it.

Jeff: ...Is my hair turning white again?

Turtle: Again? ...Nevermind. Tell me about it on the way back to the dorms.

Jeff: So Turtle wanted to switch radio dates 'cos she got tired of Blonde Squirrel flirting with me and my hair after that whole incident two weeks ago.

Turtle: Oh, don't you even start thinking of putting this all on my. You're just as eager to get away from Blonde Squirrel as I am. *pause* ....Right?

Jeff: The way she stares at my hair is mildly disconcerting, yes. I think she may be looking for a nest.

Turtle: .....eeeewwww. Let's just get on with the news, Jeff. On Mondays! Yay Monday, suddenly the most awesome day of the week because it's our new radio day!

( Cut, clearly, for AWESOMENESS )

Turtle: Of course not. Notes are over, though. Say good night, Jeff.

Jeff: Good night, Jeff! Can I go sleep now? I really need to get away from these squirrels.

Turtle: Don't we all, Jeff? Don't. We. All.

*click*

Turtle: ...let's try to get this done quickly tonight, Jeff. I still don't feel too good. Look at this. I'm drinking coffee. Coffee, just to help me stay awake right now. Do you realize how much I hate coffee? I usually only drink it when I need to look important.

Jeff: ...I'm leaving! I mean, not 'cos of the coffee or anything, just in general, well, not in general, not forever or anything, I mean I'm leaving for a bit soon, you know, to places.

Turtle: ... ...Jeff, you know I love you and everything, but I really don't think I can follow you very well tonight...Let's just get these done. It's late. I really, really don't want to be out late.

Jeff: ...okay.

( Wherein Turtle trains to be an auctioneer )

Turtle: There. Done. Let's get out butts back to the dorms PRONTO; I am not staying in this studio a moment longer.

Jeff: Are you certain there aren't any more notes because I saw some squirrels a few moments ago you never know what they're chittering about do you and TURTLE I'M LEAVING!

Turtle: So am I! Come on!

Jeff: I mean I'm leaving! Home! For a bit!

Turtle: ..... wait. What?

Jeff: My mother's making me go home, I've got an e-ticket and everything, I'm leaving on Saturday, I'm planning an escape at the transfer!

Turtle: ...Whyareyoubringingthisuphere? Dorms. Now. We can talk there, and it's not dangerous there, and, oh my God, I'm shutting the mics off no-- *click*

Jeff: Can we just get this done? I want to go home. I've got a film off tomorrow.

Turtle: Oh, what, so your film off is suddenly more important than your duty to the population of Fandom?

Jeff: Who cares about duty? It's not like it matters anymore.

Turtle: Jeff! You love radio....I mean, you love radio, right?

Jeff: It's not fair. Nothing is fair.

Turtle: *sounds of thunking* *muttering* Let's just get this done...

( In Which the World is Ending thanks to an Emo Jeff )

Turtle: There, Jeff. No more notes. Happy?

Jeff: No.

Jeff: Turtle, I think the closet has a bit of a draft, I'm feeling sort of sneezy right now, like I've swallowed an entire jar of jelly.

Turtle: Just don't sneeze on the microphones, Jeff, because then all the radio staff will get sick, too. And what kind of jelly? Strawberry or grape? It's a very important distinction.

Jeff: ...Not that sort of jelly.

Turtle: *looooong pause* Hey, look! NOTES.

( A Radio Broadcast! <i>Groovy</i>! Bring on the dancing girls! )

Turtle: And we have reached the end of our notes. Wow. Short radio is short.

Jeff: You know how short things are, they're very... short.

Turtle: A-yup. I guess that's it then. G'nite, Fandom, and, well, I'm going to go back to the dorms and hope I forget a good portion of this broadcast before tomorrow...

Turtle: Goooooooood eeeeevening, Fandom! Now, don't get all excited and start checking your calenders! It is, indeed, Tuesday, not Wednesday. You see, the only thing certain in this world is death, taxes, and change, and, well, this is one of the last one. And maybe a little of the first if you're not careful. I'm on a new day, you see, which, while not quite as allitrative, is still better because you very clever listeners knew what you were doing and voted Wexler/Murdock 2007, so I'm here with Jeff, and will be every Tuesday! Yay! We need a title for the broadcast, Jeff...

Jeff: Well, I did think of something but I'm not absolutely certain it would be okay for broadcast. See I was watching this movie this evening and then this woman took her--

Turtle: Ohhhkay, maybe we'll just save the super cool title for next week when we've had some time to think about it. And not be influenced by things that are possibly not okay for broadcast.

Jeff: ...Okay. Er. John Crichton said to bring rum? So we did. You know, just to be entirely safe, apparently it's very good for squirrel safety, better than a net even, I was suggesting a net earlier...

Turtle: Uh-huh, and then we'd have a bunch of squirrels in a net, and that just made me think of a certain blonde girl currently on crutches right now, and right then, I know it wouldn't work, s0, yeah, the rum is the way to go. Especially since I know I won't drink any of it because it's gross. Almost as gross as coffee. Almost. Anyway. News? News. The squirrels are getting rowdy.

( What do you do with a drunken squir-rel earl-lie in tha morn'in'? )


Turtle: And, finally, we have reached the end.

Jeff: We should go now. I've got some phoning to do.

Turtle: Who else would you possibly have to, ugh, phone right now?

Jeff: Well, you, obviously.

Turtle: *really long pause*

....Right. G'nite, Fandom!

*click*

[[ special thanks to the_merriest for the cameo! Much appreciated, as we know that it's hard out there for a pimp. also? we're, um, sorry? Kind of? ]]