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[12parseckessel.livejournal.com]

This is the Hero of the Spaceways, Han Solo, welcoming you back to Fandom High! We got a great semester plotted and laid in. *sound of an engine warming up* Preflight’s run, let’s lift.

Our First Port of Call is the classrooms.

Classes aren’t in session yet, kids. Today’s big educational news was class sign ups Hope you got in early because the fun stuff went fast.

Oh, and Sara Sidle had office hours and Jenny stops by Eighth's office.

Meanwhile, Back in the Crew Quarters:

Phoebe Halliwell, Callisto and Marty all have StuCo election posters up. Didn't we just do this?

Angel has a poster too, for a Magic show at Caritas, which he's talking up to Crichton while playing with Sean. Then he talks to Janet about their little sibs. Good luck with that gig.

You're a chatty bunch. Guess it comes of the break.

In the Fourth Floor Common Room: Isabel and Cameron watch cartoons and talk. Angela comes by and talks about UFOs and their little sibs. That's going to be a popular topic. Right behind "what classes you got?" and "the new kids." And Yuffie patches Cam up.

Cam and Aeryn spar. Alanna's in the Gym too. Then Cam talks condoms with
Cally.

Ivanova & Lyta and Jack & Aeryn talk.

Janet, Harkness, Cam and Kiki find their little sibs. And boy is Harkness friendly.

Rory moves with help. The help later meets new kid Peter Parker.

Aeryn is sneaky. Paige is annoyed and dirty with Harkness. Jaye is tired after last night. And neither one of you swung by 402 to let me help...

Marty and Angela carry out that ferret threat that EVERYONE heard.

Lee has a Naked Slumber Party! And gang, soon as I set this headset down, I'm right back there.


Out in port:

Spike makes arrangements with Lilah before he leaves, and Darla finds out he's gone. Dru's emo in the park, because Spike's gone and Darla comes to visit. Sunshine's taken over the duck pond. Good, maybe he can get Snookums.

Justin's in the park, too with Lyta.

Angel and Ivanova shop at Wonka's.

At the Perk, Harkness and Rose bond. Sam got a call from Harkness and shows up and Isabel stops by.

The Brothers now own the pub.

Sara talks about her holidays with Aziraphale and Ivanova goes to the Emporium.

*hesitates* Aww Chewie, I told you to set the prof someplace safe before you left! Thanks for getting him, Phoebe.

Tex explains what happened to Red.

Caritas is hopping tonight.
GOB gives a magic show

Angel talks to a lot of people. Yuffie meets a lot of people. And Veronica, Cordy and Pippi sing which is what people DO in a karaoke bar.


On the Commboard:
Okay, the phones are very strange today from all I'm hearing. Everyone is getting everyone else's messages. So, um, anyone who got a message from me? Ah, hells, make of it what you want to.

I'll TRY to hit the high points. Talk to your friends. In person.

House has had it with the weirdness on his machine.

Xander's having a crisis of confidence, as everyone seems to think he's gay. Blair Sandburg is having much the same.

Lee Adama was on the phone all day, enjoying propositions, declarations of love and gross robot bodily functions. Not to mention the rest of us over for the nakedness.

Phoebe got the ferret sex message and had a long talk with Bel afterward.

Crichton's voice mail is full too, with everything from ferret sex, monkeys, naked slumber parties and more ferret sex. Crichton, buddy, are you running a petting zoo or what?

Harkness gets ferret sex fall-out, a couple propositions, discussion of his butt by the new principal, a routed one for Dr. Pierson, a couple refused dates and a Paige propositon, which he takes up.

Angel is getting voicemail too. Ferret-sex, an invitation from the principal, threats, rejections, love pledges, class suggestions and refusals of dates and invitations.

Angela is chasing her messages. She's the one for whom the ferret-sex was intended. Enjoy it, doll. She also gets poetry, rejection and Lee Adama in his underwear.

Cally is just getting ferret sex messages. Poor kid.

Dr. Grissom is getting told not to tape the sex--not even the ferret sex--or that with his little sister Pippi. Offers of money and lingerie come his way, as does the question of why House and Wilson feed him muffins. *sighs* Folks, I just read 'em, I don't write 'em.


Krycek got the usual ferret sex. Also, Cally in handcuffs, hired by Wonka, Lee Adama in his underwear and pizza.

Chiana was hired by Wonka's propositioned by Paige and told of secret love.

Bridge is getting calls about Ferret Sex, a refusal from Krycek, a call for help from his little sister, and a reprimand about the ferret sex.

Aeryn is deciding who to kill. Cam and Crow, looks like you're high on the lady's list.

Maia got called and came out of it a TA and got propositioned by Sawyer.

Janet made a bunch of calls but lost her temper over the ferret sex and TMI from the Doctor and Parker.

Quinn hit ultrasonic frequencies in her outrage over all the OMGWTF moments she says she's having.

Chloe suspects gremlins in the sudden declarations of affection and oversharing.

Anakin is afraid of his voicemail after it broke his brain several times and outed him and Rory as True Loves.

Draco is fed up with ferret sex.

Barbossa is having a good voicemail day.

Parker hates Alexander Graham Bell. She's not into posters, guess.

Jaye got too much ferret sex, but got into the spirit of it and made calls herself.

Rory is traumatized by Marty's ferret sex among other things.

Lindsey got warned and propositioned.

Piper is weirded and mad. Alanna, step clear for a few days.

Shep, pal, you didn't get me. But CJ got you.

Vala, like her clone Aeryn, is mad and confused. Cam, just a hint: candy, flowers and expensive jewelry.

Cam is having the usual: ferret sex, naked slumber parties and condoms.

Callisto is very confused. Gremlins, a couple propositions, and more confusion.

Dream was offered Celtic lit and got a couple settling-in messages.

Sam faced the horror of ferret sex and naked slumber parties. And confronted Jack about it.

Lana got some odd calls, and did the nice thing and called back.

There's a lot of Ferret Sex, naked partying, condoms, misdirected propositions and the new Principal is putting dents in the wall of his office.

Sydney and Nadia dress up. Looking good, ladies.

Isabel has many strange messages and decides to just take a walk instead of dealing with porn tapes and robots and gremlin spit.

Izzie feels sorry for herself.

Lyta returns the odd ferret-sex messages.

Jessica, despite leaving her bra somewhere, is very polite as she returns messages.

Nadia lost her temper over the ferret sex and other weirdness.

Walter gets asked out by Angel. Join the club, buddy.

Molly is so confused she flees straight to Kiki.

Yuffie can tell something is up, but that doesn't stop her calling back:

Victor calls back, like the rest of us should. It's the civilized thing, folks.

Nadia and Sydney plot revenge.

Jack Harkness is way too friendly to his little brother, Clark Kent.

Alphonse? Yep, perplexed by the messages.

Pippi wonders why Angel is calling her about ice hockey and tries to call her big brother.

Cordelia Chase gets and makes several calls. She ends up back in bed from exhaustion.

Voice mail has defeated
Mac with pizza and ferret sex.

Geoff Chaucer has nothing but propositions in his voice mail. Lucky man.

Attention please. Lorelei Gilmore-Danes is neither the police not into robot threesomes.

Darla? A message about being a Big brother.

The Doctor ends up knowing too much about Jack's sex life, which makes him think of CJ. So he calls her.

Professor Lyman is convinced the town is insane by his messages. Give us a couple weeks and it will all sound normal.

Strange calls for Mr. Phale and for Dr. Wilson.

Wonka hires too many people.

Jarod tries to ask Rose out, and is derailed by ferret sex and other stuff.





That's all they sent across my comm board folks.

Until next time, this is the Hero of the Spaceways saying "Clear Skies and Happy Landings. And watch out for the ferrets."


*sound of an engine going to lightspeed.*

Pirate Radio, Sunday, January 7

[likeguidelines.livejournal.com]

This be likeguidelines, back from me holiday which be full o' rum 'n wenches, thank ye fer askin'. And if ye be not askin', well, that be terrible rude of ye.

Here be the highs, the lows, the good the bad, and the "oh, they be pullin' me leg, right?" of today in Fandom High. Newcomers? Jes' as a warning: they be not pullin' yer leg. If it be strange, it be true.

Readin', Writin', Rithamatic
Professor Chaucer be postin' the readin' lists fer his literature classes and givin' Doctor House a tour o' his offices. No, an actual tour. That be not any manner of euphemism.

In Professor Dream's office, Zero be worried about gettin' into college, and Sydney be applyin' t' be a TA.

Roomin'
Very late last night in the third floor common room, Major K!, Krycek, Hamlet, Rory, Molly, Macbeth, Logan-who-used-t'be-a-bunny, 'n Callisto be discussin' thar days. Most of it be talkin' about the phone problems 'n Lee's Nekkid Party, wit' a hefty helpin' o' snark. I know ye all be shocked t' hear that.

Professor Sidle be gettin' an herb garden, and Anders, Kara, Victor, Walter 'n Krycek all be in the gym today. Crazy health nuts. Soon ye'll all be go fer runs again. I run when somethin' be chasin' me, and not a moment beforehand.

Belthazor be gettin' a letter from home, Paige 'n Sawyer be fightin' about a misunderstandin' caused by the phone problems yesterday, and Marty be startin' a gremlin bite support group. Fer any of ye wonderin' the menace o' these creatures, I be tellin' ye that I might be able t' rustle up some video o' Annie the Vampire Slayer fer strictly educational-type purposes. Jes' puttin' that out thar. Ask around. Ye want t' see this.

In the fifth floor common room--hey, we be havin' a fifth floor--Nadia 'n Pippi be hearin' about zombie outbreaks. They be not pretty, wenches. Not pretty at all. And no manner o' dressin' the zombies up will change that. But don't get DEATH started on that particular subject.

Parker be redecoratin' her suite wit' the help o' Sam, Crichton, Liz, Rory 'n Jack Harkness. They be spendin' a bit o' discussin' the phone problems from yesterday. Jack be particularly taken wit' the fun at the Nekkid Party in Lee's room last night. Angel be helpin' Major K! move into his new dorm. It be room 223, if ye be lookin' t' stop by.

Rose be agreein' t' a date wit' Jarod, after Jarod be speakin' about datin' as a general concept wit' Parker.

The first floor wenches' bathroom be gettin' decorated wit' some helpful tips fer the newcomers. Among the gems, they be learnin' that Crichton be taken, Aeryn be scary, Jack Harkness be a good kisser, Logan-who-used-t'be-a-bunny snores, Rover be taken (if ye be into datin' giant white balls--and not that thar be anything wrong wit' that) and Angel is definitely off limits.

The first floor men's bathroom be filled wit' similar gems: Angel be a bad kisser, Logan-who-used-t'be-a-bunny be a clothin' klepto who enjoys Keith Partridge (the shame, Logan-who-used-t'be-a-bunny, the shame!), and Callisto be off-limits.

Everyone in the world who be not me be in the second floor common room tonight. Victor be wantin' t' see Bridge's giraffe. Giraffe? Giraffe! *shuffles papers* I be havin' nothin' here t' tell me if that be a euphemism or not. Rory 'n Aeryn be wantin' an ad campaign t' promote tourism on Earth, Rory be wantin' t' see the pictures Crichton may or may not have o' a certain person wearin' a folder helmet on her head. Crichton be distractin' Rory wit' talk o' Lee, though. I be havin' notes that say Aeryn 'n Crichton be cute. But I be not sure if Aeryn will be kickin' me ass fer sayin' that directly, so I be jes' sayin' that I heard someone say that they may be cute. Cordelia be askin' if Nekkid Parties be a common occurrence. Not near common enough, in my opinion. And Victor be makin' other friends, too, though I be havin' nothin' t' say whether he be askin' t' see their "giraffes."

I be wrong. No, not about the "giraffes." Some of the people in the world also be in the first floor lobby, speakin' wit' our new Principal o' Vice Pierce. *shuffles papers* That can't be right, but I be goin' wit' it anyway.

Campaignin'
Shiver me timbers, we be doin' this again. Thar be not enough rum in the world fer me t' care.

Parker be makin' posters fer some of the interested candidates, Liz Weir be puttin' up posters fer her run as one o' the three junior class reps, and so be Phoebe.

After puttin' up posters of their own, the sophomore class, of which I be a member, be holdin' a class meetin'. Which I, eh, be not attendin'. Because pirates 'n government tend not t' mix well.

Revelin'
Thar be a new post-it up in me house. I wonder why Logan be not askin' me fer clothes. Mayhap this newcomer can't be pullin' off the pirate look. Few can, after all.

Aziraphale 'n Doctor Wilson be headin' out o' town, Professor Eppes be tryin' t' make sense of his phone messages. A quick word o' advice--they don't make any. And Crowley be the bastard who be screwin' wit' the phones yesterday. His superiors be not understandin', but I give ye full marks fer creativity. The things I be learnin' about Xander Harris, Aeryn Sun and Anakin Skywalker alone be makin' the entire endeavor worthwhile.

Veronica 'n Piper be gossipin' about the insane phone problems over at Luke's, and Aeryn be talkin' wit' Zhaan about the duck army invasion. Fer ye newcomers, aye, I be serious.

Pippi be meetin' Crowley in the park. She also be arguin' wit' a duck. I be thinkin' she'll fit in jes' fine. Crowley also be chattin' wit' Inara about Piper, the new chef he be hirin'. Doctor House be talkin' literature wit' Professor Chaucer, who be the one t' talk to about literature, after all. Then Professor Quayle 'n Doctor House be chattin' together before goin' to Professor Quayle's place fer lunch.

Thar be a new bowlin' alley in town. If I be knowin' what bowlin' be, I be a bit more excited. Walter be checkin' it out and runnin' into Mayor Red. Yes, Mayor Red be large, red, and walkin' on all fours. Ye'll get used t' it.

Ye all be lovin' yer coffee. Molly be talkin' to Paige, then wit' Jake, Mac 'n Aeryn. Paige 'n Fred be talkin' about space 'n time, which be seemin' quite the heavy topic fer a Saturday, and Aeryn be checkin' up on Tex after that whole "Tex be possessed" bit. I still be sorry I missed watchin' Lockheed take on the ducks.

Fred be takin' her interest in space 'n time over wit' her to Caritas, intendin' t' chat wit' Lorne about it. Professor Cregg be showin' up fer a beer 'n tryin' t' get Lorne t' sing wit' her, and Jarod be gettin' datin' advice from our favorite green demon. Who be Lorne, fer those of ye jes tunin' in.

That be all from the Crow's Nest. Keep an eye out fer the Rover, and have a good night!

*sound of microphone being turned back on*

That be NOT all. We be havin' a late-breakin' report. Han be a damned stupid bastard and be caught--by the Principal o' Vice, no less--hangin' out in the wenches' bathroom. That be detention fer ye, Han. And classes be not started yet. I think that be a new record.