WTFH

Morning, everyone. The Perk is selling lamprey pie today, which seems really, really suspect.

*chittering*

No, I don't think it'll taste any better than the anchovies did in rum. What is wrong with you guys?

*chittering*

Anyway, this is Josh and I'm here for the news of yesterday, so hold onto your hats and stuff.

In classes, we'll start out with Doctoring. Oh God. The kids partnered up and then figured out how they could kill each other or...yeah, I'm not reading that but it's Navaan's class, so take a shot in the dark what their other option was. They could also opt for darts and drinking, which is what Ichabod and Celia did. Ben let his Chemistry class play with bacta--pretend I know what that is--and Cara had her kids brave the lamprey rain to get to the onsen for their final class.

The dorms were quiet--no one wanted to go out in an attack of lampreys, I guess--and in town, Ichabod was having a non-traumatic day of work at Book Haven, Hatter wasn't going out at Cafe Fina due to lampreys--good call--and found the wine cellar--even better! Aeryn was at JGOB watching the lampreys squish down--eww--and met a familiar face in Stark in an unexpected place. Stark told her that pretty much everyone else they knew had come through town at one time or another and yeah, welcome to Fandom. Bo took one look outside and decided staying in and making waffles was a better plan, which Kenzi appreciated. They ate delicious breakfast foods and talked about the weirdness of the weekend, which is very emotionally healthy.

Finally, Jack threw a going away part for Kaidan over on Apocalypse Avenue and really, do we just ask for trouble with street names like that? There's arriving and commiserating between Jack and Allie about how much they'll miss Kaidan. Jack also catches up with Emma, who came bearing pizza, but not lamprey pizza because no. Jack also caught up with Eponine, where the conversation was also lamprey themed because really, lamprey. Then Jack showed the Citizen Kane of our time: Sharknado. Jack tried to get Kaidan not to overthink the science--or amazing lack thereof--and admitted how much he'd miss him, aww--and Jack and Dean reminisced back to the days when Tara Reid wasn't a hot mess. Then everyone said goodbye: Emma wanted to be sure Kaidan would be safe and keep sending her movies, Dean encouraged Kaidan to drink more to make Sharknado make more sense, Allie and Kaidan were awkward about goodbyes, and Eponine wanted to know if he'd miss the place.

It was raining lamprey. I'm going with "not that much."

Anyway, it's not raining any form of sea life today. Go on out and enjoy the Friday, kids, and bon voyage, Kaidan.

Hey everyone! Josh Lyman here, and CJ would be so impressed at my run on the radio without managing to complete humiliate myself or the entire US government. Or the planet Earth, I suppose, since we're super inclusive around here.

Anyway. Classes. If you noticed a weird amount of fog from the beach yesterday, that was Ben Skywalker's Chemistry class experimenting with liquid nitrogen. Doctoring has a movie--oh God--instead of the normal round of trauma. But since the movie is basicallymaking out for science--that's a thing?--

*chittering*

I'm not sure how much people really learned here. In Cara's class, she chased off a squirrel--

*angrier chittering*

but they managed to get the entire class anyway, so there. The class teamed up with someone called Kahlan the Confessor. It started with a nice walk full of dead bodies, and then a member of your party disappeared and Kahlan's powers didn't work, so they tried to cheer themselves up by flirting with some guy before arriving at a town that's run by an evil clone Kahlan--was she wearing leather pants or did she have a mustache? That's normally how you can tell. There's fighting to put the two Kahlans back together again--with superglue, I suppose--and Surreal was there to tease Cara about how this was her life, apparently.

In town, Kitty was drinking coffee and Irene came by to assure her that Clint's arms were everything they'd been advertised as. I think I'm about 7 percent gay-er for having reported that.

*chittering*

No, they're great arms. All...stuck to his shoulders and ripply and stuff. At Luke's, Priestly passed the ownership papers over to Eliot, then called Dinah to tell her he was ready to move to New Gotham for school. And Surreal and Cara went out on a date. With knives. As you do.

That's all for today. I'm heading home to watch that shark sequel because it's an American classic in the making. Have a good weekend, everyone!

Good moning, everyone, and welcome to another Friday with me, Josh Lyman, telling you all about yesterday before I go get another coffee, so let's get to it, okay?

In classes, Navaan's terrifying Doctoring class was even more terrifying than usual, where instead of having the students diagnose her favorite monks--I'm not even touching that--she got distracted by a circus instead. There were rides and drinks and a Wheel of Swearing, which sounds kind of awesome. There's food too, and alcohol--Navaan--which got one of her wee students drunk, much to his girlfriend's annoyance. In other "how are you people considered teachers" news, Ben Skywalker taught his chemistry students how to make 2,000 ping pong balls go absolutely everywhere using liquid nitrogen. Then they come up with other uses for liquid nitrogen that presumably aren't weapons but this is Fandom so I might just be optimistic there. Still Want to be a Hero featured a lot of crossdressing as everyone in the class had to become a princess in order to rescue a friend from some dude named Margrave of Rothenburg. They put on pretty dresses, try to make a good first impression, dance, recite poetry and embroider--which goes about as successfully as you can imagine, given our student population--so fortunately they get to try to kill things instead before dragging off the guy for a romantic dinner than involved punching and rescuing the friend that already rescued herself. Sorry, gang.

The creepy mansion was either quiet yesterday or the squirrels just didn't feel like taking the ferry--

*sheepish chittering*

Lazy.

And in town, in a different, less creepy mansion, Derek and Stiles got into a huge fight...and now everyone else knows about it. Sorry about that, guys. Ichabod was still a little drunk on his shift at the book shop thanks to Navaan's stellar teaching skills...and that's all I've got for news.

Remember, kids, underage drinking's illegal. Have a good weekend!

*American National Anthem plays because if you thought Josh wasn't going to be super obnoxious today, hah no*

MY FELLOW AMERICANS and also aliens and people from Canada and whatever, it's Josh Lyman today on America's 238th birthday. Which is probably older than most of you, but I'm not positive. And now, time for another song about Ameri-OW

*angry chittering*

Fine. First the news. In school, Doctoring 101 got to look inside Dr. Navaan's doctor bag--that sounds kind of euphemistic

*chittering that sounds suspiciously like 'eh'*

where they then have to make their own doctor bags using completely unhelpful things from Navaan's bag. Kids, I have no idea what's going in this class. It sounds sketchier than Skywalker's and he was trying to kill you. Speaking of Skywalkers, the shorter one is in charge of a chemistry class now and had everyone making fireworks http://fandomhigh.livejournal.com/3648761.html?thread=208225017#t208225017because that's safe. Well, he did give them instructions not to blow themselves up, so I guess that's something. Cara's class on heroes had to talk about their personal hero from their homeland: JFK for me, without a doubt, with Jeb Bartlet a close seond. She's got a kitty running around--bet that used to be a human--and first the kids had to explain why they think heroing is a valid choice for a lifestyle.

All was quiet in your new home across the water, which is great, by the way. It's nice and quiet on the island now and I do not sound like an old man put away the walkers, squirrels--and in town, Ichabod passed another quiet day among the books at Book Haven and Bruce had a help wanted sign out in front of his foundation.

That's all from here! See you at the picnic!

*sounds of "America, Fuck Yeah"*

All right, it' Friday the 13th, so let's get through this fast before something terrible happens today.

*vehement chittering*

Why is anything bad going to be my--Right. I tempted the wrath from high atop the thing. I'll be right back. Have to go outside, spin around and spit.

*dead air*

Okay, I'm back now. This is Josh Lyman with yesterday's news. In classes, Thor taught his cooking students about s'mores, and if anyone says that the marshmallow should not be set on fire, they are wrong. But, um, blow it out before you eat it, okay? Molten sugar is no one's friend. Driver's Ed drove hovercrafts, and now I feel like my class is extremely boring, and he even explained how they worked before the kids got to try 'em out. Try Not to Die went to Naboo--anyone else think that Skywalker is just leaning on a keyboard to make these planets up?--where they had to swim through a swamp and then either read a foreign alphabet to learn about a queen or dress up in her outfits. Most went for the outfits and the squirrels are giving big thumbs up--if they had thumbs--for how you all looked. Alana won the day, so buy her a Coke. And in Give Josh a Heart Attack class, Kenzi taught her kids how to dance before they launched a flash mob onto an unsuspecting public.

...and then the cops came. Because of course they did.

In the dorms, Celia was resting up in her room and was worrisome enough to damper her roomie Alana's triumphant win in Skywalker's class. Rinoa also stopped by to

In town, Mary was telling Gunther about the women's prison she visited. Is that a euphemism for "was incarcerated at?" Because that's how it sounds to me. Buffy was at the Devil's Nest using the World Cup for what the squirrels assure me is its God-intended purpose: ogling the sweaty men who are playing. And Barry was in the secret lair the squirrels have found, rocking an amazing headdress, apparently, when he was interrupted in his work by Social Justice Warrior.

Seriously? People, you've got to get better names.

And with that, I'm out of here.

Good morning, everyone, it's Josh--or Mr. Lyman to about half of you--here with the news of yesterday, which is mostly class stuff, so that's good. I feel a little weird knowing too much about your personal lives.

In classes, Thor has his class watch a movie about chocolate--can't fault him there, chocolate is awesome, and the kids get to eat chocolate and talk to Thor if they're so inclined. Bond's class had a movie day, too, this time about cars--

*chittering*

I'm not sure the "homoerotic tension" is supposed to be there, guys, but I'll add it anyway. Jalian's pretty confused about the concept of movies in general--there's one of those kids in every newbie crowd--so hopefully she talked to Bond and got that figured out. In Anakin Skywalker's class of wrongness, he takes the kids to a planet that starts with B and looks kind of like a sneeze where they had to sneak around like spies, then either sell weird alien pets or trim up a garden. Edward was the winner this week, and Jessica was just happy Anakin wasn't plotting to kill everyonethis week and bury them on a weird alien planet. Finally in Kenzi's class devoted to giving me a heart attack, her class learned how to sneak into a concert for free. Kaylin ran into a guard and Cecil was way too bouncy for for a guy trying to attempt someting illegal.

The dorms were quiet, and in town, Buffy was eating the tropical fruit for drinks at the Devil's Nest--ooh, any mango?--and Kaidan could finally see out the window at Portalocity thanks to making a dent in all of the paperwork that had stacked up.

And that's it! Thanks for the slow news day, guys. I"m heading back to bed.

Morning, Fandom, Josh Lyman here with coffee and a banana muffin that I'm pretty sure used to have nuts in it before someone got his little paws on it.

*chittering*

You know what, just take it. I'll get another.

Anyway, on with the show. In classes, Basic Cookery learned how to microwave frozen dinners. That's my kind of cooking! I'm wondering if next week's gonna be about ordering Chinese food and the delicate balance of getting enough leftovers without getting rice that turns into a block in your fridge...anyway, the class talked a bit about the wonder of the microwave--someone should teach 'em about Peep jousting--and Thor was around if anyone needed help pushing buttons. Which I'm really, really hoping they didn't. In Flirting With Lawsuits, Anakin sent his class off to a planet full of giant furry aliens that'll rip your arms off and beat you with them. Seriously. What's wrong with this guy? He was pretty Hot Topic as a kid, too. Speaking of kids, he had to answer some questions from the students before any of them went through the portal to zipline through a jungle, fix a spaceship or learn to cook weird food. Andros won yesterday, so buy him a Coke and check to make sure he still has both arms, okay? Driver's Ed had everyone on the track at the same time yesterday and that could only end well...

*squirrelly snickers*

They drove luxury cars that had bumper car abilities to bounce off each other when the students inevitably crashed into each other, and Bond, James Bond--no idea why I needed to do that, watched them very calmly, which is why he teaches that class and I don't. Finally in that other class that gave me heart problems last week, Kenzi didn't seem to be teaching her kids anything illegal in Choose Your Own Adventure. They head to Baltimore to go to the Graffiti Warehouse, which I didn't know was a thing, and then get to experiment with bodypaint and spraypaint warehouses. Sounds wholesome.

Electroclash was in her office today hiding behind a giant pyramid of oranges but the squirrels saw her anyway, and Bo was distracted from spying on all of us because of an ugly new upgrade on an online journaling site. New guy Vic--

*chittering*

New girl Vic stopped by to get a lowdown on the police situation here and got an earful about goat fetishism instead. I'm just gonna....move on.

In the dorms, Edward was hanging around shirtless because he's a teenaged guy and that's the easiest way to meet women if you have the abs for it. I do.

*snickers*

I did. And look at that! He got two girls to stop by. Well played, Edward. Isabelle started with the flirting before revealing she's a total badass. Edward, if you're new here, just assume all the women can kick your ass. It's mostly true. Karina also stopped by to ogle and then offer financial advice about how he could afford more than one shirt, which is either completely depressing or one of the smoothest excuses I've ever heard for not wearing clothing. In other shirtless news, Nathan went outside to enjoy the sunset and let some of his "sweet tattoos" show --direct quote, so I'm gonna guess the squirrels licked them to convirm their sweetness and sorry, Nathan,--and drew the attention of another girl: Jalian. If there's an epidemic of pasty teenagers with sunburn this week, blame Edward and Nathan for starting the shirtless trend.

Finally, in town, Derek made coffee at his house and waited for guy Jack to show up, which he did, thus making my sentence make sense, so thanks for that, Jack. They talked about the full moon and the last time Stiles and Derek went back to their home town. Since we're here, I'm gonna assume it was something traumatic. Over at the Devil's Nest, Buffy was eating cherries and didn't share with the squirrels--

*angry grumbling*

--Jono was listening to accidental steampunk at Groovy Tunes until Hannibal came by to talk about how his intervention about Atton had gone less well with the Dean, and Rosalind was in the park looking at a neat looking bracer that I'm gonna pretend I know all about, and Kaylin came over to say that it was hers and showed her how it worked.

And that's all I have for today! Enjoy your Friday folks. I'm off to find a non-squirrel destroyed muffin.

*thunk*

*thunk*

*thunk*

OwowowOW you didn't even bring me coffee? It's vacation! Why am I up this early? Why am I here? What happened to the judgmental kid?

*chittering*

She moved to Canada, huh? Are there acorn-throwing squirrels there? I might immigrate.

*thunk*

OW.

Fine, I'll read. Then you better be getting me coffee. We're in the last day of break, so there wasn't anything going on up at the school. In the dorms, Bay got back from LA with Old Lace and made a call: to Evan, I'm guessing, since he showed up right afterwards. She filled him in on what happened, which sounds...fairly ominous. I don't like ominous on Fridays, it has the feel of burying bad news because it's almost a weekend and no one will notice. Jim was packed up in his room, ready to head out and Jessica stopped in to talk about their plans for the summer. Going out on a limb and saying that Jim's plans included leaving yesterday.

In town, Derek came back to his house with food for a still sleeping Stiles and then--yeah, I didn't need to know that. NO ONE needs to know that. Put your flags away. In non "wow will the next faculty meeting be awkard" news, Anna was waiting to catch her portal in the preserve and Kenzi wandered over to say goodbye. The book store was too normal and it was creeping Rosalind out a bit, Priestly was swamped by paperwork--literally?--

*chittering*

Just metaphorically--at the cafe, and was glad to be interrupted with a phone call from Dinah. Clint had paperwork at the gym, too, and was happy to be distracted a bit when Kitty stopped by to talk about her fight with Derek. Flash--really, he's going by Flash?--stopped in and recognized Clint, though Clint had no idea who he was, so welcome to Fandom, Flash, that happens a lot. Clint gave him a job even though he didn't know him. Sarah returned from a trip overseas and celebrated with coffee and a donut. My kind of girl. Jono was also back but he didn't celebrate with a donut because of the whole...mouth...thing, so he listened to music about outdoor....yeah, I'm not telling people that either. It's a May Day thing, ask your friends. And at Android's Dungeon, Squall discovered that his clerk--we have a Tino and a Tiny, so let's go with calling him Tinu--anyway, Tinu rejected the furniture order and so there's nowhere to game in the Dungeon.

And on that sad note, I'm off to find coffee. And maybe a donut. Thanks for the idea, Sarah!