WTFH

Morning, Fandom. This is Gwen with my very last broadcast here. It should be really super obvious why when I tell you what happened at graduation.

First up in not caring about graduation news, Hannibal had tea time with cats, which I'm going to imagine is an actual tea party with cats sitting around the table because it's funny, Jono dealt with candy-themed music at Groovy Tunes, and >Jalian was building things without supervision at Stark Industries. Also Dante went to graduation but then ditched out halfway through to go to Candyworld. Smart man.

And then there's graduation. Which started out normal, with people showing up to watch us get our pieces of paper that don't really mean anything and are pretty much just symbolic, and we all had to do the dumb walk while in caps and gowns, which means we all looked like dorks but dorks that accomplished something. Edward was impressed at Face's ability to wear robes, which might mean he actually didn't look like a dork? And Alana and Four discussed ceremonial bloodletting, don't listen to that, Aunt May, it didn't happen. There were speeches from Principal Winchester and Dean Skywalker, and Alana>, and then we all got our diplomas, which was cool right up until we had a bunch of spaceships coming down and we had to shoot at them while the audience watched. And then we won and Aunt May asked when I can leave.

So I'm out. Packing up, and I'm out of here before the probable alien invasion next week. Peace out, Fandom.

Morning, Fandom. I'm normal! Which, I mean, I'm not trying to rub anybody's nose in it or anything but I've never been a dude because finding PBs is hard and I graduate soonish and so I'm never gonna be.

*chittering*

Do not jinx me, you furry sons of bitches.

Anyway, in the dorms, Isabela woke up with new parts, which I can see her being into. And when Dante came by she offered to show off those new parts, so I see I am right. Ada yelled about her bits, which woke up Cosima who turned out wanting to experiment on herself... Look, I am all for experimenting, but you should probably do it with a closed door and without your roommate watching. Unless you're into that. Dante also came by since he figured Ada wouldn't be a fan of her current state and offered her clothes.

Lucille tried to get to the common room unnoticed, but Jalian was looking for her anyway and once they figured out who was who, Jalian offered her clothes. Lucille refused to tell Thorin who she was and pretended to be a new student, and just in case that charade didn't work, now everyone knows. Mara was pouty and flouncy but assured Lucille it was only for a weekend, and Alana was also upset because she didn't have coffee. I almost think I'd be more upset about the coffee, but I'm also up too early on a weekend so that might be coloring my judgment.

In town, Lucille actually showed up for her harpsichord lesson at Hannibal's, and Tamsin woke up kinda not bothered by being a guy, and neither was her roomie Didi, though they decided these days should be a bank holiday.

Agreed. I'm not at the age where a bank holiday affects me, I think.

Anyway, that's it. Have fun with your penises!

Morning, Fandom. Welcome to your Too God Damn Early O'Clock Gossippy Radio Hour, in which there's no real gossip! I'm your host, Gwen Stacy, who really should be paid in coffee for this. Seriously, if the squirrels get paid in rum, then we should have like an endless supply of coffee waiting for us when we get in. Consider this a petition.

Anyway, everything was out in town, where Ringo was doing some practice with blades in the preserve. The squirrels were very impressed. And Mike had a quiet night at Caritas including smooth jazz and playing on his phone.

That's it. And that's why we deserve coffee. Till next week.

This is Gwen, coming to you before a trip, which I don't think anyone actually packed for because we were all too busy being slutty, or trying not to be slutty, and also I scanned through the notes and it's mostly about old people getting it on so let's get through this as fast as possible.

In the dorms, Ringo tried to teach herself how to breakdance with her Airtreks and I swear I don't know if that's a euphemism or not at this point.

That's it. Now to hear about who your teachers hooked up with.

Tamsin, who for you newbies is our mayor, hosted a drinking hookup party, where everyone single showed up. Tony and Tamsin got right down to making out, but Jessica was pretty firm on not making out with him at all. Mike bought a ton of alcohol and had a whole conversation with Tamsin about whether his furniture could handle banging on, Tamsin and Jessica flirted over veggie trays and body glitter, and then Tamsin set Constantine to hit on any brooders.

Cara brought booze from the bar, which I'm pretty sure is cheating, and she and Tamsin decided No Tinos Allowed. Tamsin and Allie discussed repression and wrist injuries, Allie and Mike talked about the problems staying focused when everyone wants to hit that, and Eponine just discussed stabbing with her. Apparently not dirty, so let's both give them some props for that. Tamsin made out with Fred even though he's too Australian for her... What does that mean? Does he throw shrimps on the barbie and have a shrine to Paul Hogan somewhere? You know what? Headcanon accepted. Eponine told Tamsin about the sex toys people were mail ordering this week AND HEY THOSE ARE PERSONAL.

There was way too much drinking and some food, probably, and Fred "boomeranged Sarah a beer" and that sounds so dirty I can't really handle it. Is that Australian slang? Is that what "too Australian" means? Cara and Didi found the cinnamon schnapps, and at this point I can't tell if that's dirty or not. I don't know, you guys. I just don't know. Fred was rating everyone pass/fail, and like, everyone passes this week. Except Tino. Sorry, Tino. Jessica and Didi talked about their regrettable deeds this week, and Tony and Didi discussed Fandom doubles and superhero team brands. Don't ask me how Didi seems to be getting away with normal conversations, cinnamon schapps aside. Tamsin and Jessica talked about experimenting with vegetables and booze oh god why would-

Moving on.

Then there were dark corners which at most parties are for lurkers to get their lurk on but last night was for making out, or where Sarah and
Tony talked about which of his teammates he could kill and/or have sex with. Why do you hate me. And then he made out with Sparkle WHY ARE YOU ALL DOING THIS TO MY BRAIN. I HATE YOU ALL.

Didi told Constantine about how no one else was in the mix with her offer of makeouts, and Tamsin and Didi talked about the possibility of overnight guests.

I'm not looking any of you in the eye ever again. *dead air*

All right, for once I don't hate being woken up at ass o'clock in the morning because I'm sorta curious if anyone knows what the hell actually happened last night and I'm sure you all are too.

Except for those of you who weren't at Caritas and have no idea what I'm talking about. Bet you're curious now, though!

In town Bellamy was looking tired at Freedom Arms, and Jono found Hannibal to chat about tech plans. I don't know what that means, but whatever, it's on to the weird part of the evening.

Mostly it was all about Three Minute Dates at Caritas where Frank hosted with a song and people signed up both on purpose and not on purpose. Or had squirrels sign them up against their will. Ada made Dante promise to stop her if she made any terrible decisions, which is probably the smartest thing anyone has ever done at one of these. Hardison accidentally signed up and had to make Eliot promise not to let Parker kill him. And then there were five rounds of dating where people were acting super weird. But not me, of course.

Mike had the bar open after the dates, which was good since everyone headed straight there. Tony pointed out that the booze wouldn't work on Steve, and told him about kissing Sparkle.

*long pause*

I'm sorry, the sound you just heard was my brain exploding live on air. What. And then Sparkle tried to convince Tony to pretend it never happened but Tony's focus was on making sure he was at least legal. And then Tamsin and Tony talked about how the times when everyone gets super horny are easier. NO THEY'RE NOT. Jessica had Tamsin buy her a drink and got apologies for Tamsin being all in love with her, but then they left to go make out. I don't know why that's weird for me. Navaan flirted with Steve, who was horrified and this is weird, but she ended up leaving with Fred. Atton came in and got it explained to him by Sparkle that the island did a weird thing. Was it the island? That one guy was saying it was magic and Isabela thought I got roofied by squirrels. Dante thanked Frank for the fun evening but I'm going to guess Frank was mostly thanking alcohol, and for all his worries, Eliot and Parker came to laugh at Hardison after his dates. See, that's healthy! And
Steve and Bucky talked about how embarrassing their dates were and how they weren't with each other.

And then in the dorms, Kathy went to find Dante and Ezra to explain she's not in love with them and then walked in on something, oops.

So, weird night for everyone! Enjoy your morning. Maybe keep drinking.

Ugh. Morning. Sunday. Next week I'm doing this from bed. Cassandra, you're warned. Be prepared for squirrels and equipment.

*chittering* *snickering*

That is not what she said. I don't even speak Squirrel and I know that's what that meant.

Nothing in school, and in the dorms, Lucille was reading and having breakfast in the second floor common room, and had Mara introduce herself and settle in to talk about roommates. So if you're their roommates, that's why your ears were ringing yesterday. Also Mara, you better have said only nice things about Johnny. And in town, Jono made the mistake of bringing his cat to Groovy Tunes, and Bellamy was in a bad mood at work at Freedom Arms.

...That's it? Gee, I'm so glad I was dragged out of bed so early by vermin to walk in the sixteen feet of snow to come down here. YOU ALL OWE ME COFFEE.

God dammit. Not only do I still get woken up early for this, but now it happens on a Sunday? That's just mean. Whatever. This is Gwen Stacy with my last semester of telling the gossip to you, because then I go home where the squirrels can't sign me up for everything under the sun.

Yes, newbies, that happens. Stay woke.

So nothing happened in school, or the dorms. It was all about town, where Jono was going crazy hearing the cheery music at Groovy Tunes and Bellamy was surly and flipping through magazines at Freedom Arms. But he got a visit from Isabelle for non-shooty weapons, and Isabela went to flirt over cold and comments about body heat, and also to make me think I got the same note twice. At Caritas, Mike was confused by all the Beyonce the zombies were playing, and there was nothing suspicious going on where someone named Boomerang was eating Chinese food. That's a weird way to phrase it.

Hannibal was picking out engagement announcements with Jono, and like... save your money, you forgot to bribe the little furry spies. Also, is there something in the water? What's with all you people? Atton invited Anakin over for drinks and to talk about relatives showing up and teaching partners. Sparkle was annoyed to find someone there when he got home, so he just joined in the drinking, which is really the right way to go. And Clint and Kitty celebrated his birthday with Il Pollo and talk of pantslessness helping to avoid aging.

Welp, my brain can't even handle that so that's my cue to go.

Morning, I guess. This is Gwen, and there's so many candles around it kinda feels like the squirrels are trying to romance me-

*chittering*

You don't have to be insulting about it. Today in What Face Did news, he was trying not to move in the library because of candles on his head. Smart. And then Cassandra came to complain about the candles and then got him to leave early for a date, because candles and books are non-mixy.

And then straight on to the dorms, where Edward had cereal and also candles. We should probably assume everyone wore candles. Cosette made breakfast while talking about the show he was watching, and how the candles weren't setting anything on fire, because Fandom may hate us, but not enough to kill us all in a mass fiery blaze. And in town, Tamsin found out JGOB is selling recycled pastries- ewwwwwww- and Luke was in the park on a visit. Isabela got confused because his dad is Anakin, which... yes, confusing, and Eggsy just flirted. And then Jono had Jethro Tull going at Groovy Tunes, and Sparkle found a new mummering display up at Demon Marcus. ...Mummering? Do I want to know? I'm going to guess not.

That's all my notes. On to the next weird thing!

Morning. This is Gwen, back from New York, with so many leftovers and no one in the common room better touch them, I will hurt you.

Anyway. Nothing about Face today, and nothing in the dorms, so there's that. In town, Hannibal took Jono on a date involving a portal, while Sparkle sang Christmas songs at Demon Marcus and Anders spent his shift at the Magic Box snacking on pie. If your Thanksgiving didn't suck, you'll be doing the same this week.

And that's all I've got for you. Be less boring, see you next week.

It's Monday morning again, so this is Gwen with the little stack of notes on what you guys did yesterday. Seriously, you guys are boring. Do something. It's healthy for you.

No notes on what Face did today, so we're moving straight on to dorms, where Dante was getting over boredom by listening to loud music and smoking. Then in town, Jono was having a lazy day at Groovy Tunes, and Sparkle was having fun with a fashion show at Demon Marcus. And at Caritas, Inigo had to clean up something unspecified, which is never good.

And that's it. BE LESS BORING. It's dumb to come down here if I don't have notes. Gwen out!

Morning, Fandom. This is Gwen, still reveling in heat and working electricity. Seriously, can we get some generators up in here? Just in case?

So in Face Does Stuff news, he was building structures out of candy. This has been Face Does Stuff news.

In the dorms, Ezra got back and faceplanted till Dante came by and convinced him to shower and get dressed and maybe go outside. And- okay, that's it for dorms. In town, Jessica came home from a bad trip for all the showers and then got texts from Sia, and then she went to Caritas for drinks, where Inigo was having his first night at work.

That's all my notes. Guys, stop having terrible trips home.

Morning, I guess. This is Gwen, back from the Land of Things That Wanted to Eat Us- don't be fooled, they thought we were food- and I'm tired, and don't want to be out of bed. But since we're mostly talking about me, I guess I can do that.

Nothing really in school except the library, where Face was reading dinosaur porn. Ew. I mean, not to judge, but why. And in the dorms, Jasper was watching some news show in the fifth floor common room, and then wouldn't even flirt back with Ezra. Lies. That never happens.

And then there was the scavenger hunt. It started at Caritas, where I guess they were also doing regular business because some guy named Inigo got a job, but otherwise we met up and got our teams and lists. Mara and I figured out our strategy and Frank and Isabela talked about teasure, and Ada and Tali tried to figure out what some of the items were. April and Maria figured out their plan of attack, and then we were off. There was way more to it, but what the squirrels caught us doing was stealing marshmallow vodka from the Devil's Nest, and Mara and I got the world's most complicated drink from the Perk. Frank tried to make sure his drink was without barista spit. Someone tried to put a sign up saying no pictures of a ship at the dock, but no one cared and we got pictures anyway. There were flamingoes selfied outside of someone's house, and Mara and I got stuck trying to get notes from squirrels in the preserve.

*chittering*

I'm still mad at you. Also no habla espansquirrel.

And Frank and Isabela won. Congratulations, you both suck for coming in before me!

*chittering*

You cost me a gift card! Later, guys. I have to go run a booth.

Morning. It's Gwen, with all your stuff from the last day of Parents Weekend, and I miss Aunt May.

*chittering*

The squirrels don't but you little kidnappers can suck it.

Over in school, aka the library, Face was awake and sober and working. He didn't have any guests to impress, good boy. Time also found John Constantine to talk about his kids. And in the offices, Didi brought her dad to work, where he met Bob, and Teela came in to talk about Kaylin. Teela also met Dr. Lecter, and Atton seemed to hope no one came to bug him, which no one did. Good job!

In the dorms, Ezra was flirting in texts because he's Ezra, and then Dante brought free booze from the brunch and then there wasn't flirting in text anymore. And Kathy's sister Sarah just came to see who the famed Ezra was. You're notorious, dude.

And in town, Sparkle was killing time at Demon Marcus, and Anders was doing actual work unpacking stuff at the Magic Box. Kathy came in wondering if she could erase her parents' memories of the weekend- and it's probably good they're gone and can't hear that- and Maura wanted scrying supplies. I don't know what those are.

Also Lito and Daniela watched whatever the Madrid Derby is in his apartment, and Kahlan got Surreal alone to talk about what's bugging Cara. And Eliot, Hardison, Parker, Sophie and that guy who doesn't understand art had a family dinner to talk about Kathy, angering Elder gods, and talking about how the place is nuts but they stay for the people, aww.

And then there was the brunch in the park. People did the mingle thing, where Eric came to April to complain about the glitter, but the food wasn't bad. I feel like we really should warn our families about the glitter. Gremlins, AUs, and glitter. Frank and Bob discussed elder demon clowns, as you do, and Dante and Alana chatted about art and the weekends. Lottie and Shauna got into the mimosas and rambled at each other, and someone named Teela finally found Kaylin after the whole weekend.

And with that, I'm out. Enjoy your freedom, Fandom.

Ugh. This is Gwen again. Apparently the squirrel kidnappers want me here again like this is a regular thing or something. Whatever. Let's just get through these not- Are these notes in calligraphy? Really? You know no one uses calligraphy for anything, right?

*chittering*

I don't speak squirrel! Look, I'm just saying, it's hard enough to read your spelling sometimes without flourish.

Anyway. Nothing in school except Face having an ordinary day at the library. In the dorms, Dante interrupted Ezra's texting time with alcohol, and long story short, get it, Ezra.

And then over in town, Bellamy was brooding like a broody thing at the Perk, and at Demon Marcus, Sparkle was trying to figure out who ran the place. Maybe try town hall? Also hey. Hanna brought his cat to see him, and they worked out custody since he's living with Atton now. And in the park, Jessica was distracted by the ducks and geese playing, uh, duck duck goose. You know, I'm sure it was a matter of time before they figured that out.

That's it. All I've got. Am I stuck here next week, too?

*chittering*

Siiiigh.

Uh, hi again. This is Gwen for week two because apparently old Kitty called out? I don't know why the squirrels thought I'd be a good idea for this, but whatever gets me out of the yurt.

Face escaped to the library rather than build his yurt, so Cassandra came to threaten to drag him out there. In the yurts, and I feel ridiculous saying that, Thorin built Uzbekistan, though Blue had opinions on the decor, Raven talked to Thorin about his construction experience, and Blue explained it was a cultural thing. Ada actually helped on the roof, and Edward tried with Turkmenistan but had problems with the instructions so Thorin came over to tease him. Which is only right.

This has been your yurt news.

And in town, Wash and York met up to talk about their history back home, Bucky brought ice cream to the beach and got a Flick there, who teased him about his age and hiring practices. Jono was stuck with Disney songs at Groovy Tunes- my condolences- and Jasper took an evening swim at the beach and started cursing to himself. Totally normal.

Dammit, that's it? Fine, I'm getting breakfast or something, because it's that or yurt.

Ugh, the squirrels are ruining my life. Why am I here? Why is it morning? I don't even need to be in class yet. Whyyyyyyyy?

Anyway, this is Gwen, aka the person the rodents make do everything, so let's get this over with so I can catch a nap, or coffee, whichever I come across first.

( la la la )