(no subject)

[crowt-robot.livejournal.com]

Good evening students, robots, and various other things living in this town. This is Crow T. Robot, reporting from the pirate's radio broadcast room in lovely Fandom. I hope I don't get scurvy from being in here. Knowing Barbossa's taste for the wenches I guess I should be more afraid of contracting the clap.

Anyways, enough of the STD talk (until we get to the dorm section of course!) it's time to recap all the goings on of Fandom for today.

School for the losers who have to go.
At least you students have got some of those hot female teachers to look at. Dr. Carter I'm looking at you.

In announcement news the main office is available for your add/drop needs. If you add classes you're a geek and if you drop them you are a slacker. So says me! Dr. House wants your blood for God knows what and Principal Smith urges you to stay away from Locker 327. Which actually means "Yes! Go have tea with Locker 327!"

First day of classes and already Lizzie Weir visits Zordon, Dean of Students!. Must be like living in a giant bong. Rock on dude.

Dr. Pierson publishes the syllabus for Medieval English History class. He also recruits Lizzie Weir and Zero as his new TAs. He also puts up the syllabus for his Western Civ class and hires hottie Janet Frasier as his TA. That Dr. Pierson is such a pimp.

Principal Smith holds office hours. Pippi, Walter, Geoff Chaucer, Dream, Logan, Parker, Victor, Anakin Annie and Professor Ted stop by. I won't say any specifics Machine representin'! but I will say it involved HOSTESS CUPCAKES!

Geoff Chaucer also holds office hours where he hires Paige to work at his shop in towns, let's Kiki be his TA, lets Phoebe into his Poetry class and gives the Doctor his "Christmas present". *evil chuckle*

The Tick holds office hours where...a fish and a squid interact. I'll buy that. I once had a conversation with a giant blob of decomposed whale barf. Oh wait, nevermind, that was Joel I was talking to. My mistake.

In Shop class those butch kids made coffee makers. Don't ever drink any coffee from John-Boy Crichton or Yuffie. I wouldn't drink anything strained by DEATH either. Very creative use for a condom though. Biology gets their syllabus. As does Chemistry. In Sociology of Violence, Psych 101, Speech Comm, Carl Jung, Creature Languages, Advanced Communications, Magical Theory, Anthropology, Sociology of the Paranormal, Paleontology and Tactics of War they all do introductions. This means the teachers were too lazy to write up their first lesson and decided to go the easy way out. Slackers! In US History they discussed some cliche quote. Quantum Physics gets a *yawn* class overview. Into of Western Literature had to write a paper already. Poor unlucky bastards. At least Xander and Jake amuse themselves by talking about ferret sex during class.

Hey! In Multidisciplinary Self Defense people are beating each other up for credit. I'd love to see that Kara Thrace in action. Gotta get me some of that. Baby, I know you can hear this. Call me up.

In the Library the book babes meet the new Librarian, who is an orangutan. Don't get him mad ladies or he'll start throwing his own feces. Marty, I'm betting you're already on his poo-throwing list after the crap you pulled today. Heh heh, that was a pun. People also get Library cards. Also in the Library, Parker and Angela gossip like the women they are. Lee and Sam talk like the nerds they are. And Isabel and Janet talk twins like the hot babes they are. Man! The Library is full of hot chicks...and Lee. You may have arms of Adonis buddy but that doesn't put you in my 'hot chicks' category. Sorry.

Also in the Library? Anders gets a Library card. Ok first off? I didn't know Anders could read. And secondly? His name is Samuel Throgmorten Anders. Throgmorten. I'll spell it: T-H-R-O-G-M-O-R-T-E-N. That's not a name, it's an STD. Cally? I'd check for any mysterious sores. You might have a case of the Throgmorten.

In the cafeteria today the big Swedish guy serves...I don't know what the hell this says but the kids seem to enjoy it. Marty tries to tell John-Boy Crichton that he didn't enjoy singing ABBA tunes all day. Which is a load of crap Marty, everyone enjoys singing ABBA tunes. Everyone! He also warns that fine foxy newbie Cordelia about the school's groovy lunches. Principal Smith could be seen in the cafeteria. That man has a gorgeous set of eyebrows. I mean, he works those eyebrows better than Michael Keaton! Kiki tries to make small talk with Yuffie but I think she just ends up creeping her out. Kiki then goes on to make small talk with Ivanova. Kiki and Yuffie. If those aren't the names of two girls who shouldn't star in a porn together... Also seen at lunch are Lee Wee Adama and Mac-that's a student, Shep and Lana and Crunch Buttsteak and his foxy girlfriend Vala Mal-Oh my God! Please go out with me! I would also like it noted that John-Boy Crichton looked at Xander and blushed. Is there something you would like to share with the class, boys? And Blair is a weird monkey freak. And I think John-Boy bought into his monkey business.

In the Clinic is visited by Shep, Pippi, Blair, Alanna, Paige, Victor and Han. I assume they are all going to try to steal drugs. Damn kids and their prescription pain killers. What happened to the good old days of marijuana and spray cans?


Remember Zap Rowsdower says stay in school!

Dorms, where all the co-ed naughtiness goes on.
Let's just say this is the part I'd pay attention to. This is where you get to find out who all the sluts are.

Let's just start with the best news. Ms. Sidle gets in the tub to clean herself off only to get dirty again((NWS)). That's all I'm sayin'.

The usual suspects were in the gym this morning, including Emo-Demon Belthazor, my man Cam, sexy blonde Callisto and my personal favorite, the badass with the heart of gummi bears, Aeryn Sun. But in the gym Bel and Cam talk frustration. Right. I don't want to know. Pip stops in too. But the best part of the gym experience is when Cammie gets his ass handed to him by Aeryn. ((probably))

The Freshmen plan to meet at the pool. Seniors! Now is the time to ambush them and distribute the spankings!

Pippi makes pancakes for everyone and their mother and they begin to plot to investigate the demon locker 327. Luckily Principal Smith foils their plan. Because we don't want to make the Freshmen cry. Right.

The Magic Club wants an adviser and the Self-Defense Club wants attackers.

Cordelia and Kristy get flowers from their secret siblings. You...you get to have sex with them after you meet right? That's the deal with the gifts thing isn't it?

In the second floor common room after classes Maia and Chiana are not fans of this whole blood testing thing. Awwww. Maybe you two should hug each other...without your shirts on. Oh wait, instead they decide to make cookies. And in other sweet (HA!) news: Brothers reunite!.

John-Boy and his cute widdle girlfriend Aeryn are cute and talk classes and Lee stops by to consume John...'s baked goods. Angel is in an good mood this morning after his date with Callisto. I don't see why, he didn't get any.

Rejoice! For Duo returns!

Logan and Jake are BFF. Totally. Oh, their relationship reminds me of my friendship with Servo. It's so cute.

John-Boy is sending out e-mails. My money says there is some naked pictures of Aeryn embedded in there somewhere.

Kawalsky and Lizzie Weir are just too damned cute. No really. Stop it.

In the third floor common room DEATH needs help blowing up condoms. Haven't we all had this problem before? Of course John-Boy hops right in to help. Pervert. Callisto, Rory and Angela also help blowin' up those condoms. I love girls that get right in there and put their mouths to work...heh heh heh. Pretty much everyone and their mother comes up to enjoy the flavored balloons. There is also a water balloon fight and...Rory and Parker explain oral sex to Aeryn. *hysterical laughter* Oh man John-Boy! What have you been doing with her? Playing checkers?! *more laughter*

And to end with another hot bit o' news: Ivanova is locked out of her room. You can come sleep with me, baby.

Fandom: Town of Fate!
Where all the adults of Fandom get to be naughty. Don't think I don't know what goes on in this town. I'm damn robot, I'm programmed with all sorts of intelligence. Ask Joel. And if he says any different it's because he's a dirty jumpsuit wearing stoner.

At Caritas tonight the lonely show up to pour out their angst through song and liquor. But mostly liquor. Darlin' Darla and Lorne exchange in witty and kind of gross banter. Not that I mind. Darla can talk neck biting and sucking with me any time. And I'm not the only one who thinks that; Jack of Jack's Roses fame shows up and gives Darla roses from a secret admirer. I would say they were from me but I'm just not that romantic. Get with the screwin', that's my motto.
Cute blondie Ronnie Mars takes new townie Weevil to Caritas for the first time. He pops his Caritas cherry by singing Bad to the Bone while seasoned vet Ronnie Mars sings Leader of the Pack. Logan Echolls obviously doesn't get that a karaoke bar is meant for singing, not for doing his best "Arthur" impression. Ronnie Mars notices this and goes to state the obvious. It's ok Mars Bar, I like to mock my pathetic ex's too. Mmmm that spicy Nadia comes into the bar and chats with Lorne. Some of it's in Spanish so I will translate:
Nadia: Do you know Spanish?
Lorne: Of course I do! The ladies love it when a man can roll their r's. If you get my meaning and I think you do.
Nadia: Oh Lorne. You've got me so hot I can't stand it!
Lorne: Let me sing you a song about what I want to do to you! (And then gentle listeners he does.)
Nadia: Delicious!
Lorne: You just call Lorne if you want your dreams to come true.

Yeah....that's how it went. Honest to God.

At Azriaphale's Puss asks for books on Japanese bondage. Man, all you had to do was ask. I've got tons of them! Vala, I want you to make note of that too. Foxy science babe Sara Sidle gets a book on decomposition. I'd check her backyard for dead bodies if I were you. Wilson comes in for sexy talk with Azriaphale. They make plans for dinner later. And after dinner? I'm guessing a little dessert I like to call Apple Pie A La' OMGWilsonisnaked! But that's just what I'm guessing. Also, Kiki sees Aziraphale's ferret for the first time. Impressive isn't it little Kiki?

At Red's Han comes to get his tattoos checked out. And Pippi comes to Red blathering on about a Freshman bonfire. Yeah I wouldn't mind having a few Freshmen near a big pit of flame! Red also gets a visit from Hunter and Mara.

The Emporium is open and Cordelia stops by to buy a cricket bat. Naughty naughty Ms. Chase. Principal Smith buys cupcakes and booze. Sounds like my kind of party buddy.

Lee is all sorts of adorable at Wonka's. I wonder what his father would have to say about his son being a big pansy in public? Ivanova stops in to talk about Tonks' good mood. Who cares? Get naked!

Deb's is open and Alanna comes in to talk about her vay-cay as does Lana. Wilson and Aziraphale come in for dinner. We all know what's for dessert.

CJ and Jack Harkness talk some heavy stuff at the Perk. And Parker and Broots meet post-gremlin bite. We all know how awkward that can be. Well, I don't. I'm not dumb enough to be bitten by a gremlin, thank you.

Isabel and Angel are spotted on the beach with Sean. *shuffling of papers* Oh! He's a dog! Wow, I was thinking there was a three-way going on or something.

Elections, vote for someone to rule you!

Elections are next Monday. Write-in ballot, three students from each class. And yet I get the feeling someone will screw this up.

Callisto campaigns for Senior class rep. And with that photo how could she not win? I think to make it a sure thing you should take your shirt off Cal.

Chole also puts up a poster.

Lilly Kane puts up a poster for Sophomore class rep. Vote for her! Maybe she'll take off her shirt!

Cally does NOT want you to vote for her. Vote Bridge Carson instead. Cally is unable to run because of a severe case of the Throgmorten. *bursts out laughing* Throgmorten!

The Tick encourages Archie to run for StuCo. Now I am completely straight robot but I will admit that Archie is one attractive looking man. And that accent!


Well, it's been fun kids but Daddy Crow has got to take off. Now, I don't want to hear your crying. All good things must come to an end. But luckily you were good enough for me to have another go. Catch you at my earliest convenience.

Fandom Radio, Tuesday, January 10, 2006

[threeweapons.livejournal.com]

"Evening everyone, this is Faithful, here to bring you tonight's news." *The sounds of a door slamming and someone running in could be heard.* Faithful! Get off! You promised to stay quiet! Did you start the broadcast already? Get off get off get off!

Ahem, this is Alanna, with Faithful in tow since he snuck in while I was being taught how to use the equipment. *A sharp scratching noise can be heard.* Faithful, if you don't cut it out I'm locking you in my closet for the end of the term, I'm nervous enough already! *The last sentence is fuzzy, as if the speaker has turned away from the microphone to yell at her pet cat.* So, all the news that's fit to gossip about, coming up.

Stuck in Class
Figured you had a bad day? Don't worry, so did most everyone else. In announcements today, Professor Dream is offering independent study to a few lucky students, Dr. House is still collecting blood samples, the vice-principal and two Deans volunteer to be tortured instead of the Principal, and three students already have detention. Come on guys, two days in to term and there's already detention being handed out? "Took you only a day, back in the day." *A cat could be heard chuckling, along with a girl sighing.*Bridge, if you haven't met with the Dean yet, try to do so tomorrow. James and Maia dealt with the administrators today.

Plenty of teachers hold office hours including Professor Quayle, Professor Chaucer, Professor Eppes, Professor Gilmore, Professor, um, The Doctor, Professor Sidle, Professor Calendar, and Professor Cregg. *there's a slight pause* Do I even know who half these people are?

In the Teacher's Lounge, Professor Calendar and uh, Professor Eighth gossip about Professor Calendar's boyfriend. In some ways, teachers are very similar to their students.

Class time, ain't it grand? Right, who am I kidding. Advanced Criminal Justice discuss what they have done for JUSTICE! and make name tags. I wanna be in that class! History of Art looks at Ancient Egyptian Art. "They worshiped cats, you know". Thank you Faithful. "Welcome." Anyhow, Studio Art students don't do much. Then again, neither do most other classes. Creative Writing students introduce themselves, but then they get to ask their classmates two questions and then read poetry. Speech classes meet. Speech 201 writes an introduction and Speech 301 talk about when communication didn't save them. Political Campaigning. Political Campaigning. Political Campaigning. "Oh for goodness sake. Political Campaigning met, a few students who shall not be named got really, really nervous, other than that, it seems like an interesting class, maybe I'll join. Move on to the next class now, there's a good girl." Closet. *Again, a quiet cat chuckle can be heard.* Sociology of Sex Cultures does the introduction thing. All clothes stay on. Introduction to Archaeology has a spelling quiz. I would have flunked that class already. Foreign Lit in Translation meets, as does Arthurian Legends, Biology and Chemistry, Advanced Journalism, History of Medieval England, History of Western Civilization, Business Law and HR Management.

Administrators have office hours too you know. Dean Zoe has a quiet day unlike Dean Zordon who gets visits from Janet, John Crichton, Victor, Principal Smith and Maia, in that order. Why do we have two Deans? "I think you're setting a record for the amount of questions asked on air." I'm curious! Principal Smith holds office hours as well. You know, this guy spooks me a lot less than the old one.

To summarize for everyone who's fallen asleep, teachers have office hours, students introduce themselves.


Around the School
The assistants lounge is now clean. TA's, Clinic Aides, and Library Assistants are more than welcome to stop by as Angela, Jake, Callisto and I did. I was not moaning! *Pause* It was more of a whining.

Vote for Phoebe for Junior Rep! She has candy! Vote for Anakin for Senior Rep! He broods! Vote for Archie! Or possibly his hat! "If a hat is running, doesn't that mean I can?" Faithful, please, you promised me you won't take over the school. "It just sounds fun. I'd probably win too." *Pause* Faithful, if you do, I'm sending you back to Jon. And remember last time? When he forgot to feed you? "Hm!"

Deliveries! Not that many today, actually. Lyta gets a warning about gremlins and a survival kit from her Secret Sibling. You know, I've never actually even seen a gremlin. Do they exist or are they just a myth we use to scare people? Then again, I've seen people affected by gremlins, which while being extremely funny is not really something I would like to happen to me. Molly gets a Zombie game. I'm kind of glad those things never came back. Blair gets a monkey. The jokes just make themselves.

The Library is never boring, and today is not an exception. Now, I heard that the librarian is a monkey. Anyone want to confirm or deny this? "Does he talk?" No clue. Lee decides to get an early start on his studies. Is this normal or a sign of the apocalypse? Blair and Janet talk about the moon landing and "the man". For people playing along at home, add that to the list of things someone has got to explain to me. Pip and Victor get library cards. I think it's a slow news day. Bel checks out a book on disaster. Try the dorms, they're a very good example. Sam has Janet's book bag. Definitely a slow news day. "Maybe there's fish in it?" *Pause* Eeeew!

The clinic is open and Phale brings gingersnaps. Doctor House, if there's any left, can you save some for me? I have an odd love for gingersnaps. Miss Parker, Shep, and Walter stop by the clinic as well.

The Cafeteria is open for lunch. Now, this might just be my opinion, Cameron, but if the chef himself is not sure what the food is, wouldn't it be better to oh, not eat it? Then again, I've poisoned people with my oatmeal, so I'm really not one to judge. Sam and Cameron argue whether Blue or Red jello is better. Isn't it just water with food coloring kinda frozen? *Pause* Green. All the way.

Around the school, crazy stuff happens. And some sane stuff too. Kikisulks in the fourth floor common room and wants someone to kiss Draco. *Pause* Lily, I hope she's thinking of you. Yuffie gets advise about Fandom. Here's my tip: nod and smile and stay away from the cafeteria food.

There's a water fight on the second floor between Cam, John, Yuffie, Vala, and Nadia. The later wounds up stripping. Ladies, please, keep your clothes on unless you're around your significant others. *Pause* Guys, same to you, only feel free to take off your shirts if you've got something to show. Trust me, you'll make a lot of people happy. Eh, at some point during the water fight Blair, Ivanova, Lee, Isabel, Victor, Cordy, Lana, Izzie, Zero, Sawyer, Sharon, and Sam join in.

On the second floor, Sam gets annoyed at the lack of blue jello and decides to do something about it. Save some for me? It jiggles! What's in jello anyway?

Miss Parker helps Marty campaign. I don't think he appreciates her help, however, I'd be glad if someone helped me put up posters in places I can't reach. "Isn't that just pretty much everywhere?" And how far can you jump, your highness? "Relatively higher than you." Oh, Vote for Miss Parker! She is awesome and has really cool shoes that I can never wear without falling flat on my face! Angel puts up posters of Callisto in his room. Aw. Jack gets chased by a vampire, and not in the fun romantic way either.

Boone is awake. Is it this is such a rare occurrence that it needs its own announcement? And I thought my cat slept a lot. "I do not! I sleep a lot less than a regular cat!" And a lot more than a regular human! Shep, Lana, Han, Maia, and Sawyer, the later two having made up, all go skinny-dipping. What's skinny-dipping and why does it involve the removal off all clothes?

Parker and Angel are very popular tonight. Miss P gets visits from Lee, Cal, and Rory. They play with a talking xBox. One, what's an xBox? Two, is it supposed to talk? Three, if the answer to two is no, why does Miss Parker's talk? Angel is visited by Logan, Cam, Jaye, Rory, and *Pause* Faithful? "Meow?" Forget it. "I'm not allowed to talk with friends?" Forget it. "Why am I not allowed to visit people?" You're allowed to, you're allowed to, just, stop chewing on that. "It's chewy!" Closet. "Fine."

In town
Meet the Mayor!. Caritas employees will be heading up to New York. Remind to visit there at some point this summer because that place sounds awesome. During it's open state, Caritas Jack and Veronica mope. With beer. Tuesdays=slow night. Discuss.

Aziraphale’s, which is apparently a book store, is open. I'm not the only one who's confused, because Lee stops in to talk with the ferret. Wasn't there something about ferret kissing during the telephone break down? Is this the ferret in question? Also, we have a pub? That teachers frequent? If we're voting for the most confused student ever, I nominate myself. "I second that!" I'm glad you have faith in me. "Leave the bad puns to me." *Pause and a deep sigh can be heard, as well the sound of someone hitting their head on a hard surface*

Public Service announcement: If you find out your cat talks, run for it. You won't have a private life and you will be constantly teased. *Loud snickering can be heard in the background*

Wonka's is the candy store I was going to buy people's presents in but I forgot. "I'm sure everyone really wanted to know that." Shut up, I needed an introduction. Anyway, Ivanova is the newest worker. Good luck dear! Pippi stops by as well.

Over at the Emporium, she buys cricket bats. Cricket bats, as close to a weapon you're allowed to have unless your name is Alanna or Walter. Again, this is a friendly reminder that no weapons are allowed on campus. Cricket bats are not weapons, nor are baseball bats, perfume, or high heels.

Freshmen bonfire! Do they cook the freshmen there? Really, my first day? I was greeted by a guy two years older than me who called me a country pig and slammed me into a wall. I spent my first few months hoping he wouldn't break anything other than my arm. And these guys gets presents and flowers and candy! You all don't know how lucky you are. "Done grumbling, grandma." I hate you. "Love you too, Alanna." Aw, how sweet, now stop chewing that! Okay, bonfire. Walter and Yuffie plan. World domination. Pippi thinks Han is a grinding pervert. You know the thing I said about the Freshmen being cooked? Can we keep this one? I like her. Blair tells Nadia how Bridge works for a dog. Walter and Nadia confuse their green guys. You know, I don't even have to say anything here. The jokes kind of make themselves. The Freshmen choose Pip, Pippi, Victor, and Blair to run for Student Council. I honestly think they're the only class where I actually know who's running. And that includes my own, which I am running for.

This just in, there are some new posters up on the walls. Anakin, I think you may have some trouble with that campaign, but if that's the way you wanna go, don't let me stop you. Vote Anakin! He wants to bring back curfew! Oh, and one more. Vote for Angel! Um, I don't know, Faithful, you got anything? "He's cool?" Vote Angel! The talking cat likes him!

Stop by the Gremlin Support Group! Wednesday night, in the second floor lounge at six o'clock. Brownies provided!

Anyway, that's it for me. If you want to answer any of the various questions I raised tonight, feel free to stop by Self Defense club tomorrow night in the gym. Or call my cell. Hopefully, the cat didn't screw things up too badly and you guys can actually hear this without that annoying sound that I get sometimes. "Me screw things up?" Faithful, you were chewing on the wires! That cannot be good! "Well you didn't bring me any string!" Faithful, you weren't even supposed to be here! No, don't touch that! Faithful, come back h-