Fandom Radio: October 2, 2011

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Jack: Good morning Fandom! Jack Carter here along with a friend of the family. Say hello, Henry.

Henry: Hello Henry.

Jack: You know, I expected some snappier patter from a scientist.

Henry: Well, if I find any snappy scientists, I'll send them your way.

Jack: Well let's get moving because we've got a whole bunch of notes and some very tired squirrels who wrote them.

Henry: Really? Squirrels write your news broadcast?

Jack: Drunk squirrels. They like rum. See them over there?

Henry: And you swear Taggart's never been on the island.

Jack: God I hope not. Kicking off the day was Bod in the library with Scarlett and putting books away. Belle was there with Eric reading books. As you do.

Henry: Well it is a library.

Jack: That's what I said! And since it was Parent's weekend, All the Teachers had office hours.

Jamie: Which means I was there! Greeting all the people who wanted to talk to me.

Henry: Who's that guy?

Jack: You really don't want to know.

Henry: And the girl?

Layla: I'm Layla Miller. I know stuff.

Henry: What kind of stuff?

Jamie: You really don't want to know. Anyhow Luke Skywalker stopped by and we talked about Ben. Bran stopped by and talked to me about Mercy. Then Layla stopped by and kicked me in the crotch.

Layla: You deserved it.

Jamie: I did not!

Jack: Oh, I'm betting half of Fandom had tickets for that event. Then Columbus Ohio was visited by someone named Wichita and then got dragged out to save someone name Tallahassee. Then Steve was visited by Peggy which apparently led to awkwardness and timeline suckiness. Then Howard showed up to talk about the awkwardness and about Tony's lack of artistic ability. Even though Tony isn't his son due to timeline suckiness.

Jamie: At least his timeline suckiness wasn't the result of a hand grenade stuck in his pants.

Layla: It was the only way to get you home!

Henry: Should we-?

Jack: Just don't get involved.

Henry: As you do.

Jack: Then Robby Ray stopped by to talk to Steve about Miley

Layla: And his achy breaky heart.

[Long Awkward Pause]

Layla: If Deadpool said that everyone would be laughing.

Jack: Don't ever wish you were a man in red pajamas.

Henry: I don't mind red pajamas.

Jack: Henry?

Henry: I know. Don't get involved.

Jack: I knew you were smart. Anakin also had office hours which inlcuded the Wiggins, Lionel Luthor, a guy named Ray, Bran, Caraway and Layla Miller

Jamie: Did you kick him in the crotch?

Layla: He didn't leave me stranded in a dystopian future!

Jack: As you do. Meanwhile Guy was having his office visited by his friends Kyle and Kilowog who made fun of Guy's office. Luke, Henry and Amanda all came by to talk about Ben, Me and Spock respectively. So how am I doing in class Henry?

Henry: Apparently you're not completely irritating.

Jack: Well I just get a warm fuzzy from that. Meanwhile Oz was having office hours as well and also got a visit from the Wiggins and Greg who was there to talk about Kate. Then over in our Principal's Office, Zoe was taking visitors which included Lionel Luthor, Jaime Lannister. Special Agent Burke and some girl who apparently knows stuff.

Jamie: Oh, and what were you talking to Zoe about?

Layla: How you're just a big attention whore.

Jamie: I AM NOT!

Layla: Don't make me order pizza.

Jamie: I'll be good.

Jack: And while Summer, Hercules, and Anja were lucky enough not to be annoyed by visitors, Deadpool was interrupted by John Aaron and Layla Miller.

Jamie: And you talked about?

Layla: Loki's boobs.

Jamie: Heh. Boobs.

Jack: Are you twelve?

Henry: Really, we should be more respectful of females in today's climates.

Jamie: *sigh* I miss Jeff.

Jack: And non sequitors aside, Neal was also busy in his office looking at shoes when Lionel Luthor, Tatya Ludmilla and Kenzi who came by to apologize for Tatya Ludmilla. Tyrion also had office hours and got a visit from Greg who was asking about Kate and Ray who was asking about Toby. Finally there was Cindy who also got a visit from John Aaron

Dorms!

Jack: And then over in... Okay. Who are you and what are you doing here?

Jamie: No. Don't let him in. He's a putz.

Ron: Shut it, Madrox or I'll make you vomit slugs again.

Layla: I'd pay money to see that.

Jack: Um, is anyone going to tell me who this guy is?

Ron: Sorry! Ron Weasley. Former student visiting Hermione. I was stopping by to see if the squirrels were still around. Didn't realize you did morning broadcasts now. Did a broadcast myself once.

Henry: Oh! Would you like to read some news?

Jack: Uh, Henry-

Ron: Sure! I'd love to. *ahem* OVER IN ROOM 213 JAKE WOKE UP IN CAROLINE'S ROOM JUST IN TIME FOR SAM TO DROP BY!! AND EVEN THOUGH CAROLINE IS SUPER NICE SAM WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER BECAUSE SHE IS A VAMPIRE AND CLEARLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR JAKE! SAM WANTS JAKE TO DUMP CAROLINE!! MEANWHILE TYLER WHO IS ALSO A VAMPIRE BUT FRIENDS WITH CAROLINE WAS ALL AWKWARD FOR THE WHOLE CONVERSATION AND EXITED STAGE RIGHT!!

Jack: OW! Okay. Why are you yelling?

Ron: How else is anyone going to hear me?

Henry: Well we have this thing called a-

Ron: THEN IN 510 SQUALL WAS IN HIS ROOM WHEN SEIFER BURST IN AND SAID HE WAS STAYING THERE UNTIL MONDAY WHICH DID NOT PLEASE SQUALL ONE BIT!! THEN OVER IN THE COMMON ROOMMILEY AND LILY WERE WATCHING MOVIES AND GOSSIPING AND MOCKING EACH OTHER ABOUT THEIR TASTE IN BOYS. THEN LATER AFTER THE RECITAL JAKE AND SAM TOOK OFF THEIR CLOTHES AND WENT INTO THE WOODS TO... WELL I DON'T KNOW BUT I'M SURE IT'S THEIR BUSINESS AND NOT ANY OF MY OWN.

Jamie: Well at least we know why Sam wanted Jake to break up with Caroline. Oh, high school. The relationships are so dramatic.

Layla Miller: It's almost as good as those books by Stephenie Meyer.

Jamie: You like those books?

Layla Miller: It's all the entertainment we had in the dystopian future.

Jamie: I think we know why it's dystopian.

Jack: Hang on. We got a caller. Caller? Are you there?

Kilowog: I just wanted to call you poozers and tell you that you are the worst morning show I ever heard.

Jack: Really? You called us to tell us that?

Kilowog: And that there's nothing wrong with Stephenie Myer novels.

Jack: Okay. And would you care to admit that publicly with your name?

Kilowog: ... Guy Gardner.

Jack: And that thank you for calling, Guy. We appreciate it.

Kilowog: Whatever, poozer. I'm putting on Howard Stern.

Town

Jack: And then in- Oh. Look who finally decided to show up.

Columbus: Sorry guys, I didn't realize how long it would take to get over here.

Little Rock: You mean you didn't realize the time because you and Wichita were taking too much time in the bedroom.

Jack: Aren't you a little young to be talking like that?

Tallahassee: Not really. She's twelve.

Little Rock: It's the new twenty.

Wichita: Maybe we should leave, it's a bit cramped in here

Henry: Oh, it's fine. The more the merrier.

Layla: You'll regret saying that later.

Jamie: Can we just get this done, please?

Columbus: Not a problem! Kicking off things in town, Toby was over at Stark Industries. Mary had a log jam at the Arms Hotel which went unnoticed by Over at the hotel, Peter stopped by his parents room, Phoebe and Bel took advantage of the hot tube and Chloe took K-mart to meet her visitors. Also Zayne was busy showing Gryph around MCA.

The Kate showed up at the perk to celebrate her 18th birthday. Mitchell showed up and mocked her for being old. Bod came by with gifts and someone named Scarlett who apparently didn't make Kate happy. Topher stopped by and freaked out thinking Kate was Natalie and finally Luke showed up to wish her birthday wishes as well.

Ron: Sorry but you're doing that all wrong. No one is going to hear you unless YOU TALK LIKE THIS!!

Tallahassee: Is there something wrong with your head, boy?

Columbus: I think I'll be fine. Then over at the Rocky Bits, Karla was sparring with Lucivar and apparently Hercules had a deathwish. Ender and Alai stopped by to watch and Warren stopped by to spar as well. Daemon brought Surreal over to the Rocky Bits which was a surprise since Lucivar didn't know his brother had also come to the island. Karla called Daemon out on being a Black Widow which led to an argument between him and Lucivar. Raven was all concerned about Karla because of her distress while Surreal argued with Karla for calling out Daemon publically. Tersa showed up after the argument to check on Daemon. Dinah showed up too and horrified Lucivar with her casts while Ronan warned her not to spar after getting healed. Jono showed up and Karla was happy to see him and Surreal met up with him as well. Cassidy stopped by to check on Karla and Warren's Dad showed up to check in on Warren. Surreal and Tara talked with Daemon and Lucivar and how they know each other while Raven checked in on Surreal and then Tara allowed herself to be used a human shield for Karla.

Tallahassee: You guys have some *BLEEP*ing weird hobbies in this town.

Jack: Oh you don't know the half of it.

Columbus: Well he knows a bit of it since he was bitten by a

Tallahassee: We're NOT *BLEEP*ING talking about it!

Columbus: Okay! Okay! Over on the Boardwalk Sam, Ramon and Frank were skate boarding where they ran into Natalie and Toby while Quinn took everyone on a tour of the island sponsored by the Student Council.

Little Rock: Did it include Kwik Stop? Because that's where Tallahassee-

Tallahassee: Shut the *BLEEP* up.

Columbus: Then over at the Devil's Nest, Bo was giving half off drinks for the parents on the island. Pam came by and flirted with Bo while Ares demanded a real beer. Saskia hit on Ares but he wasn't having any of it so she hit on Tiny only to be stopped by Bo. Jamie and Tyrion stopped in for a drink before Tallahassee came in and-

Tallahassee: WE'RE NOT-!

Layla: Talking about it. Yeah. We get that.

Ron: Talking about what?

Layla: Gremlin bite.

Jamie: Ooo. Tough break on a visitor. Did you dress up in women's clothes because-

Tallahassee: Did you hear me when I said we're not *BLEEP*ing talking about it?

Henry: Maybe we should move on to another topic.

Wichita: You mean like guys named "Woody?"

Tallahassee: Don't make me shoot you.

Ron: I still think nobody can hear us.

Tallahassee: Don't make me shoot you either.

Columbus: Meanwhile over at Caritas, Wallace was working even though he wasn't supposed to be there today.

Wichita: Kind of like that guy at the Kwik Stop-

Tallahassee: Shut the *BLEEP* Up!

Columbus: ... Okay, I know it's really weird but I've really missed you guys.

Wichita: Aww!

Little Rock: Aww!

Jamie: Aww!

Layla: Aww!

Henry: Aww!

Tallahassee: Stop being a sentimental *BLEEP* and read.

Jack: I'm with the guy with the cowboy hat.

Columbus: Howard then showed up at the bar and talked about porn with Wallace.

Jack: As you do.

Columbus: Dugan stopped by where they spotted Bucky which once again led to alternate timeline confusion.

Jack: As you do.

Columbus: Then Cindy stopped by for a drink and got visits from Howard and Rona while Savannah and Garin got drinks and Ronan flirted with Wallace.

Jack: As he apparently does with everyone.

Henry: Jack, c'mon.

Jack: Well it seems true!

Columbus: And finally there was a Recital over at the community center for all the parent which was coordinated by Annie Edison.

Jack: Go roomie!

Columbus: Backstage was a flurry of activity with Annie thinking Rhodey was signed up for an act while Dave practiced his knife throwing with Gabrielle.

Meanwhile The Audience showed up.

Jack: As you do.

Colubmus: With Kelli complaining to Luke about being brought to watch the recital while they got stalked by Nico. Jaime and Tyrion stayed for a little bit before sneaking off. Jake and Tyler has a tense conversation about Caroline while Mercy warned Jake about someone from home wanting to talk to him. Kelly with a y was also annoyed to be dragged to the recital until Nathan pointed out how everyone was going to look like idiots. Mercy talked with Bran while Grover tried to cheer up Percy. Luke tried to warn Percy about Kelli but he already knew Kelli was here which apparently made Luke try to convince Percy that he didn't know Kelli was coming.

Jamie: And then Percy and Luke just made out.

Colubmus: It doesn't say that here.

Jamie: Totally implied.

Jack: Um. No. It wasn't.

Jamie: When you've been doing radio as long as I have-

Jack: You become an insufferable know it all!

Tallahassee: All right! That's enough, damn it. Now I got one question to ask and I expect a straight answer... Why the hell are the squirrels drinking rum?

Columbus: They work for a pirate.

Tallahassee: I hate this *BLEEP*ing place.

Columbus: And finally the Show got started. Puck and Quinn kicked things off singing "Only the Good Die Young."

Jack: Which probably isn't the best choice to sing knowing Fandom.

Columbus: Then Juliet did a dramatic reading from a film followed by Caroline singing "Eternal Flame". Then Dave aka "Trowgali" did a knife throwing act and Gabrielle survived. Go Throwgali! That was followed by Annie and Rhodey doing an interpretive dance from the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. And continuing in the theme of "dying young" which seems to a common thread in the recital, some guy called DEATH did a tap dance number. Probably a just a guy in a costume.

Layla: No. No it wasn't.

...

Tallahassee: This place is just *BLEEP*ing weird.

Columbus: Next up Anakin and Luke did presentation on lightsabers and dueled. Then Miley did a country song and dance number while someone by the tname of Bubba sang an Elvis song. And then Gibby-

Jack: GIBBAAAAAAAHY!

...

Jack: Sorry. Continue.

Columbus: And then Gibby tried to make a duck do tricks. Which didn't acutally work. Afterwards, Ben, Ender and Alai talked about the acts. Sam ran into Mercy and talked about Jake and being in a pack. Mercy then warned Caroline about Bran's ability to sniff out vampires while Jake talked to Caroline about how well she did ontage and how he was trying to get Sam to accept her. Finally Tyler checked up on Caroline to make sure she was okay. And that's all the notes we have this m-

Tallahassee: Wait. Hold on a sec. So this island has vampires, werewolves and magical-type people running around having this drama every *BLEEP*ing day?

Henry: Well, I'm sure there's some kind of scientific explanation-

JacK: Um. No, Henry. That's pretty much on the mark

Jamie: Sounds about right.

Ron: HAPPENS EVERY WEEK I'D IMAGINE!

Layla: Yep. All the time.

Tallahassee: That's it. I'm going back to Zombieland. This *BLEEP* is too weird for my taste.

Columbus: Oh come on!

Wichita: It's not that bad!

Little Rock: He's such a whiny bitch.

Tallahassee: C'mon. We're leaving!

Jack: Annnnnnd that's it for us this morning. Everyone have a good day and try not to get eaten.

Ron: GOODBYE FANDOM! I HOPE YOU HEARD ALL OF THAT!

Jack: Oh, just shut up will you!

[Big thanks to all the squirrels and all the work they did! You guys are the best!]