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fandom_radio2010-05-23 01:44 am
suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2010-05-23 01:44 am
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Fandom Radio [Saturday, May 22, 2010]
Barney: Is it better than I said, or what? Nothing beats tiny squirrels in sharp suits doing shots on a lame ass Saturday night! ...Okay, maybe a couple things, but nothing between bros!
George: 'Twould be better did we not have a lame ass Saturday night, aye? How d'ye make that happen?
Barney: We can start by reading the 'news' and finish by hitting the mainland to meet up with twin strippers named Candi and Brandi. Dibs on Candi!
George: ...do we be on th'air? Cause I'm not stupid enough t'be callin' dibs on anyone when people can hear.
Barney: Please, like we have listeners when literally this suited squirrel has a page and a half of chicken scratch for us to decipher.
SCHOOL
George: An' I guess th' first bit o' scratchin' is fer school. E'en though tis a Saturday an' during th'summer still poor Griff did spend his day at th' library readin' French poetry. Tis a bit girly, no?
Barney: More than a bit, since it's French. Think he'd appreciate us sending him a new set of cojones?
George: We could put 'em in a silk purse just in case he does like pretendin' he's a lass.
Barney: Make it pink and I bet you earn yourself a date with that literate midget.
George: I don' want a date wit' th' lad! Sorry, Griff, no pink purse an' balls fer ye.
DORMS
Barney: I'm sure he's sorry to hear that, but not as sorry as Lily will be when she hears I got my hands on the dorm notes! BOOYAH! Half naked teenagers desperate for daddy's affections? Check! Raging hormones and too much energy combined for one explosive Molotov cock-tail? Totally rockin' it here, baby! Ahem, pass 'em over, my pinstriped pal....oooh, excellent! That chick you've been mating tongues with was getting her brood on up until a little black bird flew in to save the day. Did she clap for Tink? That was always my favorite part of hooking up with her. *sighs*
George: She tisn' a chick. She's a lass an' a pretty one. I dunno a Tink though. Like a tinker? Did she sell pots?
Barney: Tinker Bell. She danced on poles. And other things that are stories for when you're old enough to call your girl a chick. Oh, in case any of the more forgetful of our special Fandom friends are listening, tomorrow you kids are moving on down to the cabins and some boring kid who owns too many t-shirts was packing in preparation for life sharing a bedroom with three people who will become his best friends should he start smart and share his stash day one. Do not, I repeat, do not waste your time lying to your parents in letter form about the co-ed dorms. We offer it to them as a selling point in the brochure - Fandom High! Send us your virgins, we'll make men out of 'em! That said, James missed my speech and tried to explain to his mom why he needed cash for that special shampoo again.
George: Oh, James, they did warn ye about sleeping wit' th' horses an' cows, no? In th' gym, Ender an' Hannibal were gossipin'. Some exercise in th'gym, these two lads speak somethin' about rafts and hydratin' and rulin' a space colony. Dunno for which of 'em it tis, but hopefully th' rulin' isn't too borin'. Don' spend too much time worryin' about rules. Our resident bird - who isn't me an' did any of ye lose some shiny things o'er th' last week, don' be lookin' t'me. I did spend me week as a bird though never ran into problems like our resident one on th' roof who was moultin'. Ew. Karla felt badly fer th' bird an' started talkin' about how touchin' wings is...erotic.
Barney: Erotic membranes and feathers?
George: ...'M not thinkin' about that. We're movin' on now, aye? Bod did compliment Warren's shoulders as he scratched his back so 'm thinkin' 'tis a bit of an orgy on th' roof. Can't be decidin' if 'm sad I wasn' invited. T'were it not Karla, I'd be thinkin' th' 'kiss kiss' she gave Bod weren't jus' a sayin', but I don' want t'get smacked by th' lass next time I see her.
Barney: Hey, sometimes a smack's a good thing. But remember kids: always decide on a safe word in advance. I like Albuquerque. It's not the same kind of safe word Kitty needed to stop the universe confusion the molting was causing since the bird was lacking tights. Come on, he's got a harness, your name indicates you've got a whip, so I'm thinking party later. Alice might come along for the feather game play. Kinky girls. It's no wonder Tim Drake had America's favorite pastime - oh, for your benefit Georgey, that's PORN - and some pizza up in a common room.
George: Why would th' pastime be porn and not orgies? Orgies seem way more fun.
Barney: I'm glad you asked, m'boy! See, there's a flaw to the orgy and that's when there's an excess number of dudes involved. Too many spoons, never enough sugar to dip 'em in. It's worse than a devil's threeway!
George: So th'plan's t'get th'strippers t'be part o' th' orgy then. Since they always be pretty lasses.
Barney: Si. Papa's got a sweet tooth for some Candi.
TOWN
George: Twas another orgy of a sort at th' junkyard when Marcus an' Jaina - hi lass, haven' been talkin' t'ye in a bit. T'will need t'change that afore ye leave - are vague about their jobs. Sounds sneakylike. 'M curious now, tis a fault, I know. Roy's searchin' out more o' th' Porn at his job. Mayhap he brought it over t'Tim later fer th'enjoyin'. Someone called Fred Dukes tisn't doin' porn at th' gym, but he was doin' aerobics. ...uh, Dean Stinson, what's aerobics then?
Barney: When Fred's doing it? I'm thinking a lot of ineffectual huffing and puffing with really loud grunting and a big mess at the end. He might even have to hire the frog to come clean up since he's so good at the whole labor thing with comics. Though, if I were him? I'd set my sights on whichever busty wonder is womaning the desk at the hotel.
And last but never least, we've got the double of that chick I showed the way to San Jose in the news again! She survived her talk with Marcus and moved on to getting all hot and sweaty with Tino down at Caritas and all I can say is ouch, tiny doublemint twin, you could do better.
George: Th' man speaks truth, lass. Yer too pretty t'be wastin' yerself on that douchenozzle.
Barney: When I'm right, I'm right. Besides, no sense sloring yourself out for a cockgobbler on food stamps.
George: Aye, hold out fer a peachilicious cove.
Barney: Peachilicious? ...Did someone slip you the bad rum? Was it pinstripe squirrel or that little bastard in the three-piece?
George: Don' be blamin' th' squirrels jus' because 'm knowin' some slang that ye don', Dean. Though I don' trust th' bastard in th' three-piece.
Barney: I don't like the look of his vest. Too perfectly pressed. Let's snag this bottle and you can watch me pretext my lost buddy to see him keysmash and claim drunken immunity over his girldom later! How's that for slang, Georgey?
George: Jus' don' be tryin' th' cant, an' y'll do fine, Dean.
Barney: Kiss 'em good night, Georgey. Barnacle out!
George: Night, lasses and coves!
George: 'Twould be better did we not have a lame ass Saturday night, aye? How d'ye make that happen?
Barney: We can start by reading the 'news' and finish by hitting the mainland to meet up with twin strippers named Candi and Brandi. Dibs on Candi!
George: ...do we be on th'air? Cause I'm not stupid enough t'be callin' dibs on anyone when people can hear.
Barney: Please, like we have listeners when literally this suited squirrel has a page and a half of chicken scratch for us to decipher.
SCHOOL
George: An' I guess th' first bit o' scratchin' is fer school. E'en though tis a Saturday an' during th'summer still poor Griff did spend his day at th' library readin' French poetry. Tis a bit girly, no?
Barney: More than a bit, since it's French. Think he'd appreciate us sending him a new set of cojones?
George: We could put 'em in a silk purse just in case he does like pretendin' he's a lass.
Barney: Make it pink and I bet you earn yourself a date with that literate midget.
George: I don' want a date wit' th' lad! Sorry, Griff, no pink purse an' balls fer ye.
DORMS
Barney: I'm sure he's sorry to hear that, but not as sorry as Lily will be when she hears I got my hands on the dorm notes! BOOYAH! Half naked teenagers desperate for daddy's affections? Check! Raging hormones and too much energy combined for one explosive Molotov cock-tail? Totally rockin' it here, baby! Ahem, pass 'em over, my pinstriped pal....oooh, excellent! That chick you've been mating tongues with was getting her brood on up until a little black bird flew in to save the day. Did she clap for Tink? That was always my favorite part of hooking up with her. *sighs*
George: She tisn' a chick. She's a lass an' a pretty one. I dunno a Tink though. Like a tinker? Did she sell pots?
Barney: Tinker Bell. She danced on poles. And other things that are stories for when you're old enough to call your girl a chick. Oh, in case any of the more forgetful of our special Fandom friends are listening, tomorrow you kids are moving on down to the cabins and some boring kid who owns too many t-shirts was packing in preparation for life sharing a bedroom with three people who will become his best friends should he start smart and share his stash day one. Do not, I repeat, do not waste your time lying to your parents in letter form about the co-ed dorms. We offer it to them as a selling point in the brochure - Fandom High! Send us your virgins, we'll make men out of 'em! That said, James missed my speech and tried to explain to his mom why he needed cash for that special shampoo again.
George: Oh, James, they did warn ye about sleeping wit' th' horses an' cows, no? In th' gym, Ender an' Hannibal were gossipin'. Some exercise in th'gym, these two lads speak somethin' about rafts and hydratin' and rulin' a space colony. Dunno for which of 'em it tis, but hopefully th' rulin' isn't too borin'. Don' spend too much time worryin' about rules. Our resident bird - who isn't me an' did any of ye lose some shiny things o'er th' last week, don' be lookin' t'me. I did spend me week as a bird though never ran into problems like our resident one on th' roof who was moultin'. Ew. Karla felt badly fer th' bird an' started talkin' about how touchin' wings is...erotic.
Barney: Erotic membranes and feathers?
George: ...'M not thinkin' about that. We're movin' on now, aye? Bod did compliment Warren's shoulders as he scratched his back so 'm thinkin' 'tis a bit of an orgy on th' roof. Can't be decidin' if 'm sad I wasn' invited. T'were it not Karla, I'd be thinkin' th' 'kiss kiss' she gave Bod weren't jus' a sayin', but I don' want t'get smacked by th' lass next time I see her.
Barney: Hey, sometimes a smack's a good thing. But remember kids: always decide on a safe word in advance. I like Albuquerque. It's not the same kind of safe word Kitty needed to stop the universe confusion the molting was causing since the bird was lacking tights. Come on, he's got a harness, your name indicates you've got a whip, so I'm thinking party later. Alice might come along for the feather game play. Kinky girls. It's no wonder Tim Drake had America's favorite pastime - oh, for your benefit Georgey, that's PORN - and some pizza up in a common room.
George: Why would th' pastime be porn and not orgies? Orgies seem way more fun.
Barney: I'm glad you asked, m'boy! See, there's a flaw to the orgy and that's when there's an excess number of dudes involved. Too many spoons, never enough sugar to dip 'em in. It's worse than a devil's threeway!
George: So th'plan's t'get th'strippers t'be part o' th' orgy then. Since they always be pretty lasses.
Barney: Si. Papa's got a sweet tooth for some Candi.
TOWN
George: Twas another orgy of a sort at th' junkyard when Marcus an' Jaina - hi lass, haven' been talkin' t'ye in a bit. T'will need t'change that afore ye leave - are vague about their jobs. Sounds sneakylike. 'M curious now, tis a fault, I know. Roy's searchin' out more o' th' Porn at his job. Mayhap he brought it over t'Tim later fer th'enjoyin'. Someone called Fred Dukes tisn't doin' porn at th' gym, but he was doin' aerobics. ...uh, Dean Stinson, what's aerobics then?
Barney: When Fred's doing it? I'm thinking a lot of ineffectual huffing and puffing with really loud grunting and a big mess at the end. He might even have to hire the frog to come clean up since he's so good at the whole labor thing with comics. Though, if I were him? I'd set my sights on whichever busty wonder is womaning the desk at the hotel.
And last but never least, we've got the double of that chick I showed the way to San Jose in the news again! She survived her talk with Marcus and moved on to getting all hot and sweaty with Tino down at Caritas and all I can say is ouch, tiny doublemint twin, you could do better.
George: Th' man speaks truth, lass. Yer too pretty t'be wastin' yerself on that douchenozzle.
Barney: When I'm right, I'm right. Besides, no sense sloring yourself out for a cockgobbler on food stamps.
George: Aye, hold out fer a peachilicious cove.
Barney: Peachilicious? ...Did someone slip you the bad rum? Was it pinstripe squirrel or that little bastard in the three-piece?
George: Don' be blamin' th' squirrels jus' because 'm knowin' some slang that ye don', Dean. Though I don' trust th' bastard in th' three-piece.
Barney: I don't like the look of his vest. Too perfectly pressed. Let's snag this bottle and you can watch me pretext my lost buddy to see him keysmash and claim drunken immunity over his girldom later! How's that for slang, Georgey?
George: Jus' don' be tryin' th' cant, an' y'll do fine, Dean.
Barney: Kiss 'em good night, Georgey. Barnacle out!
George: Night, lasses and coves!