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fandom_radio2009-08-30 01:40 am
mouthy-merc.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2009-08-30 01:40 am
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Fandom Radio, Saturday 8/29
Deadpool: I need more alcohol for this. Soooo much more alcohol.
Minsc: Yes! Bring on the booze! But do not let Boo have some! He's still detoxing!
Algren: The hamster is detoxing? *Pause* My sympathies, Boo.
Ghanima: I will be happy to drink his share so that he is not tempted. It's the least I can do.
Deadpool: You got a hamster that drunk. Minsc, that's hardcore. Adam X hardcore.
Minsc: You know he's hardcore 'cause there's an X involved!
Algren: Why an X in particular? Is it supposed to stand for something that I'm completely missing?
Ghanima: At least it's not XXX. That would be deeply disturbing.... no, we're not discussing this. Aren't there notes?
School
Deadpool: Hey. Hey. Ice Cube was awesome. ...oh, and no class. Saturdaaaaay!
Dorms
Algren: This morning, people woke up. No. Really. Jack Burton did, as did Sam Winchester. Why them waking up is of more note to the squirrels than the waking up of everyone else on the island is beyond me. But there you have it. They woke up. Congratulations to the both of you. In not-waking-up news, Helen was less than thrilled about her move to 420, where she met an apologetic new roomie who offered to help her move her things. Aw. Katchoo stared at her phone, presumably not because she was expecting it to do tricks. Though I might mention that Tony Stark's phone actually does to tricks. It's fascinating. And Prince Edward left the island to visit his home. The squirrels are sad about this.
*Sounds of squirrelly sobbing*
Minsc: There, there, little squirrels! Have more rum to ease the pain!
Algren: Elsewhere in the dorms, Shilo was making use of some personal time to... I. You know what, I can't even read about this. *Chittering* She's a student. This can't possibly be legal. *Chittering* ... *Papers rustling* ... The squirrels would like me to inform you all that Momoko walked in on her roommate during this personal time. The squirrels are sadistic little monsters. Forget the rum, rodents. Bring me some damned whiskey.
Deadpool: You know, I think most people would be so much more relaxed if they did that more often.
Minsc: ....drink whiskey?
Algren: Yes, Minsc. Absolutely that. *Sloshy bottle sounds*
Ghanima: *sighs*
Deadpool: Have some rum, Ghanima. Maybe next time we'll explain the birds and the bees to lil' Minscy.
Town
Minsc: Town was ultrasuperquiet today thanks to the big WELCOME picnic, but some stuff did still happen. Like Lady Gwynn opening the Gig, and Sir Lion-OHHHHH brought back Bold! Sir Apu insisted that Sir Kyle leave that store and go to the picnic. Lady Mary had plenty of vacancies at the hotel, and...
...Boo! That is a terrible thing to say. I am sure Lady Mary is a very classy woman and that's not at all what that means. Anyhoo, Groovy Tunes was closed due to a case of new people, and Lady Rachel also had vacancies, which I'm sure is not dirty, no matter what Boo would like to insinuate. Lady Colette filled that vacancy.
*awkward pause*
Deadpool: We need to get those squirrels some cameras, man.
Minsc: Moving on. Lady Aphrodite has a tank full of lovely fish over at her shop with all the dirty things, and Lady Irulan worked on accounting at her shop with all the hats! And Lady She-Ra flips over the bar and gets out of working tonight! And Lady Ino was very kind and relieved the nurses at the clinic for the evening!
Algren: Mat woke up in the woods. Which seems marginally more exciting than people waking up in their beds this morning, so I suppose I'll accept that it's worthy of making the radio broadcast this evening. Especially since he was soon surrounded by those odd little blue-green deer. At Aphrodite's ... business... in town, Shilo appeared asking for... the sort of items that Aphrodite sells. I am actually somewhat appalled that I'm being made to read about a student purchasing these items on the air. So I'll read about Vince, showing up at the Gig today. It wasn't his shift. This is amusing in some deep and spiritual sort of sense, and I invite you to all dwell on that, as opposed to Shilo's purchases in town, which I am certain she didn't want the entire island hearing about on the evening news.
That Damn Party
Deadpool: So, in the news of siblings and all that crap at the party that would not die, Lois offered to dance for the money Jason would throw. Like mama... Mama! Tahiri gave Cyd the run down on Fandom and got asked if this is a insane asulym. Well, that's a distinct possibility. Rose who needs to stay away from Billy Zane found out that her sibling, Jak who lost a letter to be more hardcore, can't talk and then informed him of the gremlins. Jeeeeeeaaaaaaan is cheerful at her sibling, Jamie who I'm pretty sure isn't a Madrox. Clark informed Priestly of a driving hamster--Boo, right?--and they chatted on timelines. Karla asked Chuck aaaall about where he was from before telling him about the squirrels that right down all your dirty little secrets. Calvin and his stuffed tiger waited for Elle of an unknown variety. We have, like, twenty now, right? X-23 Wannabe told Azula about how she won a fight, but then Daken showed up and pwned her. And then Azula was all ‘no wai! I can’t read!’ It was like an after school special.
Algren: It would be unwise of me to ask somebody to educate me about what that phrase means. Wouldn't it.
Ghanima: I haven't the slightest idea what it means either, and I know I do not want to know.
Deadpool: It wasn't even dirty! Jack with a c and no mullet had to establish that they were on earth with Matrim. Niiice. Didi talked to Shulkie about--stuff. And things. Moving on. Emma and Beka talked about squid and something something Pounce the cat? The hell? Where the hell is Paula Abdul when you need her to dance with that cat?
Minsc: I don't know who this Paulabdul is, but we do have Lady Ghanima and a hamster....
Algren: *Whiskey spit-take sound*
Ghanima: Not. One. Word. Any of you.
Minsc: ...what?
Deadpool: I said nothing! Ender explained handshakes to Jonas and there was also informing the kid that the island is sentient, which is giving it too much credit, really. It's just a ball of hatred if you ask me. A ball of glittery, smutty hatred. Jonothon was all quiet at Ben who then was all 'omg you have no mouth and are talking in my head!' so I'm all 'Holy crap! Isn't he off with Poccy?' But I digress. Elle of another type was there to hear that this school is sooo much more laid back according to Harley, her sibling. Eric wants to know if Parker being his big sib means he can’t ask her out which is very dirty of him and c’mon kids. This isn’t royalty. No offense, Ghanima.
Ghanima: None taken.
Deadpool: Illyria informed Claire that she isn’t big or a sibling, but granted her that learning could happen. And knowing is half the battle. G.I. Jooooooe! Zach gets hung up on Zayne’s robes instead of the alliteration of their names, which is where I woulda gone with it, but your life, man. Layla the chick who can’t name people told Andy she knows stuff and this school is totes weird. Listen to her and Billy Zane, kid. I hear they’re cool dudes.
Algren: There you go, not making sense to me again.
Deadpool: You looove meee. Angela and Valentine got hung up on “semantics” and I think they both need to get a job. YOU HEARD ME. GET A JOB. Kennedy, like the last pick in dodgeball, stood around waiting. Always waiting. Much like Jack the mullet! Aaaand Sam. Cordelia was rambling about boys and clothing at Ellie and I’m booored. They made out. The end!
Minsc: HUZZAH!
Ghanima: And because the start of a new term means new rooming assignments, there's a list up at the picnic. Lois watches for her new roomie, Sookie. I hope that works out nicely for you, ladies. Tony Foster ascertains when and where Clark is from before telling him he's gay and a wizard...well, I suppose it's only polite to get that out of the way first? I do hope that went well, Mr. Foster. The notes say that Azula is already 'snarly' because she can't read the list -- do not be distressed, Azula, you are far from the first student here who does not read English -- and that discovering she has a boy as a roommate doesn't improve her mood. Although her roommate is Zack, and I'm rather unsure how someone could maintain a bad mood around him. It's rather like kicking a puppy.
Deadpool: Maybe if you're Victor Von Doom.
Ghanima: Calvin and Cordelia flail at each other about how coeducational student rooms are inappropriate...really? I'm rather sure some of your fellow students would disagree. However, if you treat each other like human beings and not like hormonally influenced children, you should be fine.
No comment from the peanut gallery, please.
Deadpool: If we're quiet, do we get actual peanuts?
Minsc: Boo likes peanuts! So does Minsc! And I mean the food, not in a kind of gay way.
Algren: Although for some reason I feel compelled to inform you that if you were gay, that'd be okay.
Deadpool: We'd like you anyway. Because you see--if it were me. I would feel free to say that I was gay. But I'm not gay.
Ghanima: Eric greets Chuck, and Worf tells Kennedy about all the "blowing-shit-up" classes in Fandom. Yes, there is an abundance of those, isn't there? Luckily, some of us do teach academically-minded subjects to balance it all out.
Minsc: Like Magical Creatures!
Algren: I heard there was a course for underwater basket-weaving, once. Welcome to academia, folks.
Ghanima: Jack Priest and Andy fail to immediately traumatize each other, which is excellent news, and Didi and Jaime are happy to see each other again as roommates. The notes also want me to mention that there is banter about whether Didi should steal his pants. Welcome to Fandom, Miss Didi. It is my understanding that the gentlemen often go shirtless at the welcome picnic, but I suppose if you two wish to start a new trend, you may discuss it with Principal Winchester at a later date.
Algren: Please, don't give them ideas.
Ghanima: They already have ideas. This is my way of circumventing them.
Deadpool: Can't they come ask me? It'd be fuuuun.
Ghanima: Continuing on. Ben teases Ender about how Ben moving into the room or not doing so will effect Ender's reputation -- highly doubtful, Mr. Skywalker. You both seem to be rather upstanding young men -- and the squirrels are waving glittery flags at me. Why are they doing that? It's disturbing, and I would like them to stop. Hayley and Beka meet, and Beka makes sure that Hayley won't mind the cat. That is very polite of you Miss Beka, and I do hope she said it was permissible. There was also apparently some sort of pantomime between Jak and Jono, but they seem to have gotten along despite any communication hurdles.
Deadpool: It was a love that words could not speak!
Ghanima: Jason is also upset over having a female roommate -- perhaps he can speak with Calvin and Cordelia, and the can be distraught together -- and Angela Martin waits for her roommate while Sam Winchester gets to explain to Illyria that dogs are not for eating. Actually, Mr. Winchester, dog is a delicacy in many cultures. You should try it some time, although it was kind of you to inform her of this particular time-period's customs.
Algren: Over in the supposedly saner corner of the world, we teachers were sitting around, pretending to be working on a Saturday. Like Deadpool, who had a conversation with Didi. Which was apparently awkward. I ought to be thankful that the notes don't elaborate. Cordelia attempted to complain to Deadpool about her co-ed rooming assignment, and all I can really say about that is that you ought to suck it up, buttercup. That's hardly the worst thing you'll see happen on this island. Steve, hero of Maine, waited around for his teaching buddy. No word on if he was followed here by a man in a lobster suit or not. Jim Kirk mistakenly assumed that Kyle Reese was Russian, while the Lady in my presence spoke with Bond about this semester's courses and how to annoy students. Which, as we all know, is actually why we do this job.
Deadpool: I teach in order to emotionally abuse bitchy teenagers, really. I miss Shepard. He was fun to call fat.
Algren: And he likely had it coming to him, too. Castle made a beeline for the food. Tyler the other great hero of The Middle of Nowhere, Maine, checked things out. Deadpool and Fraser practised their solidarity as citizens of Canada, and then Fraser was asked by Eric if the boy could take Canadian as a second language. No, boy. You can take English, or you can take French. But if you take French, I'll laugh at you. Possibly a lot. Colette asked Barney about the cooking class facilities, Mitchell lurked in the shadows, and then Ghanima attempted to explain to Drake what was difficult about teaching. I'm going to have to say the most difficult part of the job is the fact that they put all of those children into the room while we're trying to do it.
Deadpool did something that the squirrels describe as "Billy Zane"...ing. At Drake. I'm not entirely certain what that entails, but apparently it was followed up by talk of fonts and Deadpool, I will never understand you. Fred got a psychoanalysis from Sweets, and then Sweets and Angela Montenegro sorted out how they know one another. Will know one another. Fandom. Sweets introduced himself to Zoe as the new guidance counsellor. In a school like this one, may God help you, man. Barney recognized Jim Halpert as a star student from the day. Which means somebody else was crazy enough to come back to this place. I don't understand it, either. Angela Martin probably didn't have as much luck trying to convince the new dean to make the boys put their clothing back on. Sadly. And now that I've read that on the radio, I suggest you watch your back, Angela. There are probably several of your female peers who are now very upset with you.
Minsc: And let's be honest, Captain. A good deal of the male ones, too.
Algren: I can't deny it. Ronon made himself useful by gnawing on a large chunk of dead bird, and Minsc here offered Jim Halpert a place to stay. Beware of laundry day, Jim. That's all I really feel I need to say. Ghanima, like so many of us, observed from the sidelines. Presumably at some point when she wasn't plotting the torment of the student body. Max welcomed Summer to Fandom, and it says here that I was weirdly cheerful. You'd be cheerful too if you'd ever met Batroc ze Leapair. Minsc and Boo were there, of course. Unfortunately, they don't make name tags in hamster-sizes.
Deadpool: I tried, man. I tried!
Minsc: And he kept eating the blasted thing, too!
Ghanima: That's what happens when you try to detox a hamster.
Minsc: He has an addiction. He does very hurtful things when he's drunk.
Algren: ... This is somewhat painful, actually. Ms. Bennet was there, as was Aeryn, who told Ziva that she didn't need gremlin warnings. Yes you do. Everyone does. Beware the gremlins. Or don't, because if they're biting you, then presumably, they're not biting me. Fred was there, though I'm not certain why the squirrel thought it was mandatory to mention that his clothes were there as well. I'm... worried, now, that clothes might not be a regular occurrence for him. Anakin, who was presumably clothed, yes, was happy to see Aeryn, and Ziva did as so many of the rest of us did, and surveyed the crowd.
Minsc: Lady Lois is scarfing pretzels, which causes Lady Cyd to comment, and they get to talking about how Lady Lois is not new. Lady Rose is surprised that Lady Jaina is not in California this weekend, Lady Jaina who mentions how her boyfriend will be disappointed that none of the newbies are related to her and how they had a kid during the alumni DisneyLand trip. What is this DisneyLand?
Deadpool: ...we are so going now.
Algren: But what is it?
Ghanima: No idea. I am guessing it is a land that is not-here?
Deadpool: That is it, we're all going on a trip there so you can ride the teacups!
Ghanima: That sounds more than vaguely dirty.
Minsc: ROADTRIP!! Sir Worf lectured Lady Rose a little about following rules and procedures and other really boring stuff like that. Sir Robin asks Lady Rose how she's liking the newbs but she thinks she'll like them better when they are not wide-eyed and freaked out! Lady Triela tells Lady Rose all about how her arm is in a sling, sure, but you should see the other guy! Lady Bishop Elle awkwardly said hello to Lady Rose, which is good, because Lady Rose had been wanting to talk to her. Maybe that's why she was awkward!
Minsc: And then Sir Chuck got to hear aaalll about how Lady Jean is very proud to have a little sibling. Sir Cal, however, did not get a chance to hear about it. He was too busy ogling Lady Jean. Lady Kate takes the chance to introduce herself to Lady Jean while she is actually human and Lady Jean offers to do some yelling at Sir Bobby for Lady Kate. Sir George Cooper has got his no longer newb swagger on, although I bet Lady Jean's scolding about telling the new newbs horror story puts a little falter to that swagger, oh ho ho. Lady Karla informs Sir George that if he's been avoiding her, he's smart, and I agree! Ladies can be terrifying. Lady Cyd, who will hereby be dubbed Codex, or so the squirrels say, is very awkward and Sir Priestly notices this and helps her out, which is probably why she was lead to wonder if he's really a priest. And then Lady Codex and Sir Leto talked about Sir Leto's dreamy eyes and the musical instruments that they each strum like silly bards. And then Lady Codex and Sir Calvin bond over both having C names! Like...errr...Carlos! That squirrel over there! He can bond over C names, too!
Deadpool: Kate somehow had a list of the new 3rd floor people and was all ‘have candy money and vote floor three, baby’ at Codex. I may have added to that, but it’s the general feel of the conversation. Turtle--HEY TURTLE--introduced herself to Codex as well. Robin the felt frog introduced himself as well. Sam the awkwardest giant was there for welcome committe duties or something. Jenny was there to break brains because she’s the Drago of Fandom. She must break you.
Algren: I still maintain that all breaking comes courtesy of the island itself. And gremlins. And possibly zombies.
Deadpool: Bobby MacGee was there in the middle of the action, eating like a normal teenager who comes from the Xavier Institute. Priestly was attacked by Dinah for hugging because Claudia left him and the kids and won’t someone please think of the children?! See, this is why no one should be allowed to get married. No one. Elle W, clad in a sequined bikini--wait, seriously?--*rustle of notes*---oookay--talked to Priestly about her sibling and how they totes needed to go out on a not!date. It’s a date. Daaaaate.
Algren: You've seen through their clever ruse.
Deadpool: I've got mad skillz. Dinah was in a smiley shirt and something about one of those New X-Men who is probably dead by now, eye dee kay. But she was busy hugging Tony and asking for details on his love life. She then met Didi to tell her about how the play was cursed. Aren't all plays? She rambles at Jak without a c and he nodded and ate food. Morgana was all 'WWAT' about the shirt and they talked about him. Cal tapped her on the shoulder and then pretended like he totally didn't. Not!X-23 approved of the shirt and then got Dinah all 'holy crap, your arm' and askin' if she got hit by a car. It's... a possibility, you know. Jon the clone approved of the shirt and she approved of his lack of one. Leda also approved of the shirt and dear god people. SHIRTS. WE ALL HAVE THEM. WELL. MAYBE NOT GHANIMA'S BROTHER, BUT STILL.
Ghanima: Leto owns plenty of shirts, thank you.
And of course, the students keep talking. I almost feel sorry for our intrepid squirrel reporters, but then I remember that it's their nosy eavesdropping that causes us to keep reading notes. Don't you glare at me like that, it's true, and you know it.
Algren: Unfortunately, if we tie them up, they can't keep bringing us rum.
Ghanima: Then they had best bring us more rum, before we change our minds. Bones isn't mingling, and Emma wonders if he can at least look like he's having fun and he points out at least he's here and not hiding in the room. They make plans to go drinking later. Who names their child 'Bones'? From my vague impressions of your public educational system, he must have endured horrible teasing as a child. Jaina then checks up on him, and they talk about the gender swap day and she tells him about Disneyland and the alternate children. Did any of you meet my alternate children? I'm rather sure at least one of them was a changeling.
Deadpool: I had one. She called me and it was awk~ward.
Algren: Those happened again? How in the world did I miss that?
Deadpool: You know, I'm not actually sure...
Ghanima: I meant the ones from last spring, but apparently some of the students got them again this week. In slightly saner news, Frog-Robin asks Bones what it's like to not be the new kid, and Bones says it doesn't feel any different, and he prefers to let the newbies figure things out for themselves. A very fine philosophy.
Ghanima: Leto is not terribly sociable -- is he sick? -- but he has food and is looking at the new kids. Triela comes over and is all proud about winning a fight when he asks about her arm. Hopefully your injury is not serious, Miss Triela. Leda asks Leto what he knows, and the greeting confuses him. I would be confused also. She asks if he's freaked out any new kids, which he says he hasn't other than them being fascinated by his eyes, and both of us are rather used to that reaction. Yes, they're real, no, they aren't contacts.
Deadpool: You should get contacts just to mess with 'em.
Ghanima: Why? I'm rather sure Leto and I mess with people just by being our charming selves. It's more fun that way.
Ghanima: But continuing on with the picnic, Azula has moved on from yelling at poor Zack and is eyeing the food, and Kyle assures her it's free. She wants to know how you eat it without chopsticks, so he introduces her to forks. Kate comes around in her new third floor resident search and gives Azula a chocolate coin. She then finds out Azula doesn't know chocolate.
Right. As the person teaching religion this term, I deep that completely heretical. Thank you, Miss Gregson, and someone please make sure Azula gets introduced to ice cream, too.
Minsc: AND PIZZA.
Algren: ... What?
Deadpool: PIZZA!
Algren: No, really. What?
Ghanima: Do you really not know pizza? Squirrels, this man needs more whiskey, and I need more rum. Bobby tells Azula she should eat because it's awesome that other people cook for you here. That's one of the many reasons I continue to live at the Arms. The room service is exceptional, and I never need to cook. Turtle greets Azula and Elena assures Azula the food is safe.
Algren: Worry about it if it starts singing at you or something. Usually, the food is safe.
Ghanima: Calvin loads up on the most unhealthy foods possible. Really, Mr. Calvin. There's a cafeteria at the school, you need not fear starving. He's a third floor resident so he gets an introduction and a chocolate coin from Kate, who tells him she's from Kansas. Kyle warns him about going easy on the sugar. Calvin says it'll take a lot more than that to make him sick, and the conversation turns to hummingbirds, because Calvin says his mom says he has the metabolism of one. That only means you should be eating more protein and less sugar. Turtle approves of Calvin's food tastes -- for shame, Turtle! -- and Frog-Robin welcomes Calvin, who is totally unfazed by the felt frog, to Fandom. Excellent. Then he'll fit right in. Meanwhile, Kyle goes for a sandwich and looks to mingle while Andros observes from a distance.
Algren: Codex- what kind of a name is Codex?- asked Jill where the bathroom was. I imagine it isn't located outside of the school building. This is 2009. Indoor plumbing has been invented. New people- learn about it. It's a beautiful thing. I've seen the light, myself. Codex didn't seem too interested in a 'kiss kiss' from Karla, which Jason Stackhouse was apparently rooting for. Am I allowed to give detentions over the radio for lewd behavior?
Deadpool: Do you wanna?
Algren: It would help make up for all of the time I've been locked in this room so far this evening.
Deadpool: Then go for it!
Algren: It is unwise to tempt me so. Emma asked Karla about dastardly plans, Jack Burton rambled about his girlfriend, Kennedy was apparently 'checking Karla out,' and Jon O'Neill brought Karla some juice. Triela got to hear about how Karla might have already broken her little sibling, which I think is more or less what the whole sibling system is in place for anyhow, so I wouldn't worry on that too much, Karla. And then Leda invited Karla to a picnic tomorrow. Because presumably, the one we had today wasn't big enough. Karla, who is very popular today, also got a hello from her big brother, Sam. W. I'm actually not certain if the squirrel is referring to Witwicky or Winchester. So I'll say it was Winchwicky and be done with it. You know, this rum is actually not half bad.
Chuck Bass and Rose spoke about how Rose's sibling apparently doesn't talk. Raven then told Chuck that she forgave him for something, and Chuck apologized. I haven't met the boy yet, but I'll assume that this is a big deal. Popular Karla congratulated Tony Foster on not letting evil demons invade. That's nothing. You should see what happens when a French man in spandex attempts to rob a bank in Maine. Leto and Tony caught up, Jack Priest greeted Tony with a hug, and Leda and Tony talk about how Tony has a 'cute new male roommate.'
Deadpool: Gaaaaay.
Minsc: Sir Chuck Bartowski and Sir Kyle discuss how awesome Fandom food is, and how Sir Chuck's sister never mentioned the awesome food. Because she was trying to horde it all for herself, Sir Chuck! Lady Kate has some third floor chocolates for Sir Chuck since the third floor apparently rules, while Sir Chuck and Lady Turtle are in agreement that pizza rules. I shall join them in that agreement! WE SHOULD ORDER PIZZA AFTER THIS, GUYS.
Deadpool: Ooo! Ooo! Meatlovers!
Ghanima: I want one with pineapple! I love pineapples.
[[Continued here]]
Minsc: Yes! Bring on the booze! But do not let Boo have some! He's still detoxing!
Algren: The hamster is detoxing? *Pause* My sympathies, Boo.
Ghanima: I will be happy to drink his share so that he is not tempted. It's the least I can do.
Deadpool: You got a hamster that drunk. Minsc, that's hardcore. Adam X hardcore.
Minsc: You know he's hardcore 'cause there's an X involved!
Algren: Why an X in particular? Is it supposed to stand for something that I'm completely missing?
Ghanima: At least it's not XXX. That would be deeply disturbing.... no, we're not discussing this. Aren't there notes?
School
Deadpool: Hey. Hey. Ice Cube was awesome. ...oh, and no class. Saturdaaaaay!
Dorms
Algren: This morning, people woke up. No. Really. Jack Burton did, as did Sam Winchester. Why them waking up is of more note to the squirrels than the waking up of everyone else on the island is beyond me. But there you have it. They woke up. Congratulations to the both of you. In not-waking-up news, Helen was less than thrilled about her move to 420, where she met an apologetic new roomie who offered to help her move her things. Aw. Katchoo stared at her phone, presumably not because she was expecting it to do tricks. Though I might mention that Tony Stark's phone actually does to tricks. It's fascinating. And Prince Edward left the island to visit his home. The squirrels are sad about this.
*Sounds of squirrelly sobbing*
Minsc: There, there, little squirrels! Have more rum to ease the pain!
Algren: Elsewhere in the dorms, Shilo was making use of some personal time to... I. You know what, I can't even read about this. *Chittering* She's a student. This can't possibly be legal. *Chittering* ... *Papers rustling* ... The squirrels would like me to inform you all that Momoko walked in on her roommate during this personal time. The squirrels are sadistic little monsters. Forget the rum, rodents. Bring me some damned whiskey.
Deadpool: You know, I think most people would be so much more relaxed if they did that more often.
Minsc: ....drink whiskey?
Algren: Yes, Minsc. Absolutely that. *Sloshy bottle sounds*
Ghanima: *sighs*
Deadpool: Have some rum, Ghanima. Maybe next time we'll explain the birds and the bees to lil' Minscy.
Town
Minsc: Town was ultrasuperquiet today thanks to the big WELCOME picnic, but some stuff did still happen. Like Lady Gwynn opening the Gig, and Sir Lion-OHHHHH brought back Bold! Sir Apu insisted that Sir Kyle leave that store and go to the picnic. Lady Mary had plenty of vacancies at the hotel, and...
...Boo! That is a terrible thing to say. I am sure Lady Mary is a very classy woman and that's not at all what that means. Anyhoo, Groovy Tunes was closed due to a case of new people, and Lady Rachel also had vacancies, which I'm sure is not dirty, no matter what Boo would like to insinuate. Lady Colette filled that vacancy.
*awkward pause*
Deadpool: We need to get those squirrels some cameras, man.
Minsc: Moving on. Lady Aphrodite has a tank full of lovely fish over at her shop with all the dirty things, and Lady Irulan worked on accounting at her shop with all the hats! And Lady She-Ra flips over the bar and gets out of working tonight! And Lady Ino was very kind and relieved the nurses at the clinic for the evening!
Algren: Mat woke up in the woods. Which seems marginally more exciting than people waking up in their beds this morning, so I suppose I'll accept that it's worthy of making the radio broadcast this evening. Especially since he was soon surrounded by those odd little blue-green deer. At Aphrodite's ... business... in town, Shilo appeared asking for... the sort of items that Aphrodite sells. I am actually somewhat appalled that I'm being made to read about a student purchasing these items on the air. So I'll read about Vince, showing up at the Gig today. It wasn't his shift. This is amusing in some deep and spiritual sort of sense, and I invite you to all dwell on that, as opposed to Shilo's purchases in town, which I am certain she didn't want the entire island hearing about on the evening news.
That Damn Party
Deadpool: So, in the news of siblings and all that crap at the party that would not die, Lois offered to dance for the money Jason would throw. Like mama... Mama! Tahiri gave Cyd the run down on Fandom and got asked if this is a insane asulym. Well, that's a distinct possibility. Rose who needs to stay away from Billy Zane found out that her sibling, Jak who lost a letter to be more hardcore, can't talk and then informed him of the gremlins. Jeeeeeeaaaaaaan is cheerful at her sibling, Jamie who I'm pretty sure isn't a Madrox. Clark informed Priestly of a driving hamster--Boo, right?--and they chatted on timelines. Karla asked Chuck aaaall about where he was from before telling him about the squirrels that right down all your dirty little secrets. Calvin and his stuffed tiger waited for Elle of an unknown variety. We have, like, twenty now, right? X-23 Wannabe told Azula about how she won a fight, but then Daken showed up and pwned her. And then Azula was all ‘no wai! I can’t read!’ It was like an after school special.
Algren: It would be unwise of me to ask somebody to educate me about what that phrase means. Wouldn't it.
Ghanima: I haven't the slightest idea what it means either, and I know I do not want to know.
Deadpool: It wasn't even dirty! Jack with a c and no mullet had to establish that they were on earth with Matrim. Niiice. Didi talked to Shulkie about--stuff. And things. Moving on. Emma and Beka talked about squid and something something Pounce the cat? The hell? Where the hell is Paula Abdul when you need her to dance with that cat?
Minsc: I don't know who this Paulabdul is, but we do have Lady Ghanima and a hamster....
Algren: *Whiskey spit-take sound*
Ghanima: Not. One. Word. Any of you.
Minsc: ...what?
Deadpool: I said nothing! Ender explained handshakes to Jonas and there was also informing the kid that the island is sentient, which is giving it too much credit, really. It's just a ball of hatred if you ask me. A ball of glittery, smutty hatred. Jonothon was all quiet at Ben who then was all 'omg you have no mouth and are talking in my head!' so I'm all 'Holy crap! Isn't he off with Poccy?' But I digress. Elle of another type was there to hear that this school is sooo much more laid back according to Harley, her sibling. Eric wants to know if Parker being his big sib means he can’t ask her out which is very dirty of him and c’mon kids. This isn’t royalty. No offense, Ghanima.
Ghanima: None taken.
Deadpool: Illyria informed Claire that she isn’t big or a sibling, but granted her that learning could happen. And knowing is half the battle. G.I. Jooooooe! Zach gets hung up on Zayne’s robes instead of the alliteration of their names, which is where I woulda gone with it, but your life, man. Layla the chick who can’t name people told Andy she knows stuff and this school is totes weird. Listen to her and Billy Zane, kid. I hear they’re cool dudes.
Algren: There you go, not making sense to me again.
Deadpool: You looove meee. Angela and Valentine got hung up on “semantics” and I think they both need to get a job. YOU HEARD ME. GET A JOB. Kennedy, like the last pick in dodgeball, stood around waiting. Always waiting. Much like Jack the mullet! Aaaand Sam. Cordelia was rambling about boys and clothing at Ellie and I’m booored. They made out. The end!
Minsc: HUZZAH!
Ghanima: And because the start of a new term means new rooming assignments, there's a list up at the picnic. Lois watches for her new roomie, Sookie. I hope that works out nicely for you, ladies. Tony Foster ascertains when and where Clark is from before telling him he's gay and a wizard...well, I suppose it's only polite to get that out of the way first? I do hope that went well, Mr. Foster. The notes say that Azula is already 'snarly' because she can't read the list -- do not be distressed, Azula, you are far from the first student here who does not read English -- and that discovering she has a boy as a roommate doesn't improve her mood. Although her roommate is Zack, and I'm rather unsure how someone could maintain a bad mood around him. It's rather like kicking a puppy.
Deadpool: Maybe if you're Victor Von Doom.
Ghanima: Calvin and Cordelia flail at each other about how coeducational student rooms are inappropriate...really? I'm rather sure some of your fellow students would disagree. However, if you treat each other like human beings and not like hormonally influenced children, you should be fine.
No comment from the peanut gallery, please.
Deadpool: If we're quiet, do we get actual peanuts?
Minsc: Boo likes peanuts! So does Minsc! And I mean the food, not in a kind of gay way.
Algren: Although for some reason I feel compelled to inform you that if you were gay, that'd be okay.
Deadpool: We'd like you anyway. Because you see--if it were me. I would feel free to say that I was gay. But I'm not gay.
Ghanima: Eric greets Chuck, and Worf tells Kennedy about all the "blowing-shit-up" classes in Fandom. Yes, there is an abundance of those, isn't there? Luckily, some of us do teach academically-minded subjects to balance it all out.
Minsc: Like Magical Creatures!
Algren: I heard there was a course for underwater basket-weaving, once. Welcome to academia, folks.
Ghanima: Jack Priest and Andy fail to immediately traumatize each other, which is excellent news, and Didi and Jaime are happy to see each other again as roommates. The notes also want me to mention that there is banter about whether Didi should steal his pants. Welcome to Fandom, Miss Didi. It is my understanding that the gentlemen often go shirtless at the welcome picnic, but I suppose if you two wish to start a new trend, you may discuss it with Principal Winchester at a later date.
Algren: Please, don't give them ideas.
Ghanima: They already have ideas. This is my way of circumventing them.
Deadpool: Can't they come ask me? It'd be fuuuun.
Ghanima: Continuing on. Ben teases Ender about how Ben moving into the room or not doing so will effect Ender's reputation -- highly doubtful, Mr. Skywalker. You both seem to be rather upstanding young men -- and the squirrels are waving glittery flags at me. Why are they doing that? It's disturbing, and I would like them to stop. Hayley and Beka meet, and Beka makes sure that Hayley won't mind the cat. That is very polite of you Miss Beka, and I do hope she said it was permissible. There was also apparently some sort of pantomime between Jak and Jono, but they seem to have gotten along despite any communication hurdles.
Deadpool: It was a love that words could not speak!
Ghanima: Jason is also upset over having a female roommate -- perhaps he can speak with Calvin and Cordelia, and the can be distraught together -- and Angela Martin waits for her roommate while Sam Winchester gets to explain to Illyria that dogs are not for eating. Actually, Mr. Winchester, dog is a delicacy in many cultures. You should try it some time, although it was kind of you to inform her of this particular time-period's customs.
Algren: Over in the supposedly saner corner of the world, we teachers were sitting around, pretending to be working on a Saturday. Like Deadpool, who had a conversation with Didi. Which was apparently awkward. I ought to be thankful that the notes don't elaborate. Cordelia attempted to complain to Deadpool about her co-ed rooming assignment, and all I can really say about that is that you ought to suck it up, buttercup. That's hardly the worst thing you'll see happen on this island. Steve, hero of Maine, waited around for his teaching buddy. No word on if he was followed here by a man in a lobster suit or not. Jim Kirk mistakenly assumed that Kyle Reese was Russian, while the Lady in my presence spoke with Bond about this semester's courses and how to annoy students. Which, as we all know, is actually why we do this job.
Deadpool: I teach in order to emotionally abuse bitchy teenagers, really. I miss Shepard. He was fun to call fat.
Algren: And he likely had it coming to him, too. Castle made a beeline for the food. Tyler the other great hero of The Middle of Nowhere, Maine, checked things out. Deadpool and Fraser practised their solidarity as citizens of Canada, and then Fraser was asked by Eric if the boy could take Canadian as a second language. No, boy. You can take English, or you can take French. But if you take French, I'll laugh at you. Possibly a lot. Colette asked Barney about the cooking class facilities, Mitchell lurked in the shadows, and then Ghanima attempted to explain to Drake what was difficult about teaching. I'm going to have to say the most difficult part of the job is the fact that they put all of those children into the room while we're trying to do it.
Deadpool did something that the squirrels describe as "Billy Zane"...ing. At Drake. I'm not entirely certain what that entails, but apparently it was followed up by talk of fonts and Deadpool, I will never understand you. Fred got a psychoanalysis from Sweets, and then Sweets and Angela Montenegro sorted out how they know one another. Will know one another. Fandom. Sweets introduced himself to Zoe as the new guidance counsellor. In a school like this one, may God help you, man. Barney recognized Jim Halpert as a star student from the day. Which means somebody else was crazy enough to come back to this place. I don't understand it, either. Angela Martin probably didn't have as much luck trying to convince the new dean to make the boys put their clothing back on. Sadly. And now that I've read that on the radio, I suggest you watch your back, Angela. There are probably several of your female peers who are now very upset with you.
Minsc: And let's be honest, Captain. A good deal of the male ones, too.
Algren: I can't deny it. Ronon made himself useful by gnawing on a large chunk of dead bird, and Minsc here offered Jim Halpert a place to stay. Beware of laundry day, Jim. That's all I really feel I need to say. Ghanima, like so many of us, observed from the sidelines. Presumably at some point when she wasn't plotting the torment of the student body. Max welcomed Summer to Fandom, and it says here that I was weirdly cheerful. You'd be cheerful too if you'd ever met Batroc ze Leapair. Minsc and Boo were there, of course. Unfortunately, they don't make name tags in hamster-sizes.
Deadpool: I tried, man. I tried!
Minsc: And he kept eating the blasted thing, too!
Ghanima: That's what happens when you try to detox a hamster.
Minsc: He has an addiction. He does very hurtful things when he's drunk.
Algren: ... This is somewhat painful, actually. Ms. Bennet was there, as was Aeryn, who told Ziva that she didn't need gremlin warnings. Yes you do. Everyone does. Beware the gremlins. Or don't, because if they're biting you, then presumably, they're not biting me. Fred was there, though I'm not certain why the squirrel thought it was mandatory to mention that his clothes were there as well. I'm... worried, now, that clothes might not be a regular occurrence for him. Anakin, who was presumably clothed, yes, was happy to see Aeryn, and Ziva did as so many of the rest of us did, and surveyed the crowd.
Minsc: Lady Lois is scarfing pretzels, which causes Lady Cyd to comment, and they get to talking about how Lady Lois is not new. Lady Rose is surprised that Lady Jaina is not in California this weekend, Lady Jaina who mentions how her boyfriend will be disappointed that none of the newbies are related to her and how they had a kid during the alumni DisneyLand trip. What is this DisneyLand?
Deadpool: ...we are so going now.
Algren: But what is it?
Ghanima: No idea. I am guessing it is a land that is not-here?
Deadpool: That is it, we're all going on a trip there so you can ride the teacups!
Ghanima: That sounds more than vaguely dirty.
Minsc: ROADTRIP!! Sir Worf lectured Lady Rose a little about following rules and procedures and other really boring stuff like that. Sir Robin asks Lady Rose how she's liking the newbs but she thinks she'll like them better when they are not wide-eyed and freaked out! Lady Triela tells Lady Rose all about how her arm is in a sling, sure, but you should see the other guy! Lady Bishop Elle awkwardly said hello to Lady Rose, which is good, because Lady Rose had been wanting to talk to her. Maybe that's why she was awkward!
Minsc: And then Sir Chuck got to hear aaalll about how Lady Jean is very proud to have a little sibling. Sir Cal, however, did not get a chance to hear about it. He was too busy ogling Lady Jean. Lady Kate takes the chance to introduce herself to Lady Jean while she is actually human and Lady Jean offers to do some yelling at Sir Bobby for Lady Kate. Sir George Cooper has got his no longer newb swagger on, although I bet Lady Jean's scolding about telling the new newbs horror story puts a little falter to that swagger, oh ho ho. Lady Karla informs Sir George that if he's been avoiding her, he's smart, and I agree! Ladies can be terrifying. Lady Cyd, who will hereby be dubbed Codex, or so the squirrels say, is very awkward and Sir Priestly notices this and helps her out, which is probably why she was lead to wonder if he's really a priest. And then Lady Codex and Sir Leto talked about Sir Leto's dreamy eyes and the musical instruments that they each strum like silly bards. And then Lady Codex and Sir Calvin bond over both having C names! Like...errr...Carlos! That squirrel over there! He can bond over C names, too!
Deadpool: Kate somehow had a list of the new 3rd floor people and was all ‘have candy money and vote floor three, baby’ at Codex. I may have added to that, but it’s the general feel of the conversation. Turtle--HEY TURTLE--introduced herself to Codex as well. Robin the felt frog introduced himself as well. Sam the awkwardest giant was there for welcome committe duties or something. Jenny was there to break brains because she’s the Drago of Fandom. She must break you.
Algren: I still maintain that all breaking comes courtesy of the island itself. And gremlins. And possibly zombies.
Deadpool: Bobby MacGee was there in the middle of the action, eating like a normal teenager who comes from the Xavier Institute. Priestly was attacked by Dinah for hugging because Claudia left him and the kids and won’t someone please think of the children?! See, this is why no one should be allowed to get married. No one. Elle W, clad in a sequined bikini--wait, seriously?--*rustle of notes*---oookay--talked to Priestly about her sibling and how they totes needed to go out on a not!date. It’s a date. Daaaaate.
Algren: You've seen through their clever ruse.
Deadpool: I've got mad skillz. Dinah was in a smiley shirt and something about one of those New X-Men who is probably dead by now, eye dee kay. But she was busy hugging Tony and asking for details on his love life. She then met Didi to tell her about how the play was cursed. Aren't all plays? She rambles at Jak without a c and he nodded and ate food. Morgana was all 'WWAT' about the shirt and they talked about him. Cal tapped her on the shoulder and then pretended like he totally didn't. Not!X-23 approved of the shirt and then got Dinah all 'holy crap, your arm' and askin' if she got hit by a car. It's... a possibility, you know. Jon the clone approved of the shirt and she approved of his lack of one. Leda also approved of the shirt and dear god people. SHIRTS. WE ALL HAVE THEM. WELL. MAYBE NOT GHANIMA'S BROTHER, BUT STILL.
Ghanima: Leto owns plenty of shirts, thank you.
And of course, the students keep talking. I almost feel sorry for our intrepid squirrel reporters, but then I remember that it's their nosy eavesdropping that causes us to keep reading notes. Don't you glare at me like that, it's true, and you know it.
Algren: Unfortunately, if we tie them up, they can't keep bringing us rum.
Ghanima: Then they had best bring us more rum, before we change our minds. Bones isn't mingling, and Emma wonders if he can at least look like he's having fun and he points out at least he's here and not hiding in the room. They make plans to go drinking later. Who names their child 'Bones'? From my vague impressions of your public educational system, he must have endured horrible teasing as a child. Jaina then checks up on him, and they talk about the gender swap day and she tells him about Disneyland and the alternate children. Did any of you meet my alternate children? I'm rather sure at least one of them was a changeling.
Deadpool: I had one. She called me and it was awk~ward.
Algren: Those happened again? How in the world did I miss that?
Deadpool: You know, I'm not actually sure...
Ghanima: I meant the ones from last spring, but apparently some of the students got them again this week. In slightly saner news, Frog-Robin asks Bones what it's like to not be the new kid, and Bones says it doesn't feel any different, and he prefers to let the newbies figure things out for themselves. A very fine philosophy.
Ghanima: Leto is not terribly sociable -- is he sick? -- but he has food and is looking at the new kids. Triela comes over and is all proud about winning a fight when he asks about her arm. Hopefully your injury is not serious, Miss Triela. Leda asks Leto what he knows, and the greeting confuses him. I would be confused also. She asks if he's freaked out any new kids, which he says he hasn't other than them being fascinated by his eyes, and both of us are rather used to that reaction. Yes, they're real, no, they aren't contacts.
Deadpool: You should get contacts just to mess with 'em.
Ghanima: Why? I'm rather sure Leto and I mess with people just by being our charming selves. It's more fun that way.
Ghanima: But continuing on with the picnic, Azula has moved on from yelling at poor Zack and is eyeing the food, and Kyle assures her it's free. She wants to know how you eat it without chopsticks, so he introduces her to forks. Kate comes around in her new third floor resident search and gives Azula a chocolate coin. She then finds out Azula doesn't know chocolate.
Right. As the person teaching religion this term, I deep that completely heretical. Thank you, Miss Gregson, and someone please make sure Azula gets introduced to ice cream, too.
Minsc: AND PIZZA.
Algren: ... What?
Deadpool: PIZZA!
Algren: No, really. What?
Ghanima: Do you really not know pizza? Squirrels, this man needs more whiskey, and I need more rum. Bobby tells Azula she should eat because it's awesome that other people cook for you here. That's one of the many reasons I continue to live at the Arms. The room service is exceptional, and I never need to cook. Turtle greets Azula and Elena assures Azula the food is safe.
Algren: Worry about it if it starts singing at you or something. Usually, the food is safe.
Ghanima: Calvin loads up on the most unhealthy foods possible. Really, Mr. Calvin. There's a cafeteria at the school, you need not fear starving. He's a third floor resident so he gets an introduction and a chocolate coin from Kate, who tells him she's from Kansas. Kyle warns him about going easy on the sugar. Calvin says it'll take a lot more than that to make him sick, and the conversation turns to hummingbirds, because Calvin says his mom says he has the metabolism of one. That only means you should be eating more protein and less sugar. Turtle approves of Calvin's food tastes -- for shame, Turtle! -- and Frog-Robin welcomes Calvin, who is totally unfazed by the felt frog, to Fandom. Excellent. Then he'll fit right in. Meanwhile, Kyle goes for a sandwich and looks to mingle while Andros observes from a distance.
Algren: Codex- what kind of a name is Codex?- asked Jill where the bathroom was. I imagine it isn't located outside of the school building. This is 2009. Indoor plumbing has been invented. New people- learn about it. It's a beautiful thing. I've seen the light, myself. Codex didn't seem too interested in a 'kiss kiss' from Karla, which Jason Stackhouse was apparently rooting for. Am I allowed to give detentions over the radio for lewd behavior?
Deadpool: Do you wanna?
Algren: It would help make up for all of the time I've been locked in this room so far this evening.
Deadpool: Then go for it!
Algren: It is unwise to tempt me so. Emma asked Karla about dastardly plans, Jack Burton rambled about his girlfriend, Kennedy was apparently 'checking Karla out,' and Jon O'Neill brought Karla some juice. Triela got to hear about how Karla might have already broken her little sibling, which I think is more or less what the whole sibling system is in place for anyhow, so I wouldn't worry on that too much, Karla. And then Leda invited Karla to a picnic tomorrow. Because presumably, the one we had today wasn't big enough. Karla, who is very popular today, also got a hello from her big brother, Sam. W. I'm actually not certain if the squirrel is referring to Witwicky or Winchester. So I'll say it was Winchwicky and be done with it. You know, this rum is actually not half bad.
Chuck Bass and Rose spoke about how Rose's sibling apparently doesn't talk. Raven then told Chuck that she forgave him for something, and Chuck apologized. I haven't met the boy yet, but I'll assume that this is a big deal. Popular Karla congratulated Tony Foster on not letting evil demons invade. That's nothing. You should see what happens when a French man in spandex attempts to rob a bank in Maine. Leto and Tony caught up, Jack Priest greeted Tony with a hug, and Leda and Tony talk about how Tony has a 'cute new male roommate.'
Deadpool: Gaaaaay.
Minsc: Sir Chuck Bartowski and Sir Kyle discuss how awesome Fandom food is, and how Sir Chuck's sister never mentioned the awesome food. Because she was trying to horde it all for herself, Sir Chuck! Lady Kate has some third floor chocolates for Sir Chuck since the third floor apparently rules, while Sir Chuck and Lady Turtle are in agreement that pizza rules. I shall join them in that agreement! WE SHOULD ORDER PIZZA AFTER THIS, GUYS.
Deadpool: Ooo! Ooo! Meatlovers!
Ghanima: I want one with pineapple! I love pineapples.
[[Continued here]]
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