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fandom_radio2009-08-19 12:16 am
capt-maxfactor.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2009-08-19 12:16 am
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Pirate Radio [Tuesday, August 18, 2009]
Hello, me hearties and welcome to what will clearly be the finest radio you've heard in quite some time, as it is I, Captain Jack Sparrow, bringing you all the news! Plus things I make up as I go along to make things more interesting!
*chittering*
No, I am not that drunk.
*disbelieving chittering*
Pass me the notes and off the plank with ye!
School, where you are supposed to learn things so you don't become pirates
In the office today, the staff sacrifices Peter to the ramen monster.
*pause*
Are you drunk? Oh, sorry. Ridiculous question. Moving on!
Photography has its last class, where they work in the darkroom and display photos before Veronica asks Harry--who's Harry?--what his post-island plans were. Oh, he's leaving. Goodbye, Harry. I hardly noticed you existed. I feel like I really missed an opportunity there.
Some manner of sea creature was reading surfing magazines in the library, Glinda was making margaritas in her office and hallucinated a frog who asked her to advise his band, and Deadpool was very popular between checking an Amazon for deals: he was visited by Jan and Cable--for training in how to be more badass, Glinda--with margaritas, Fraser--who is apparently not gay and getting married to someone who isn't Deadpool, sorry squirrels, and Veronica, who talked of a Doctor Seuss, a name I don't recognize. Maybe I should pay more attention to the notes the squirrels bring into the station.
Mythbusting meets at Stark Industries--oh, I see what you're doing there, trying to get me out of order--where the students peek around the lab, and sketch--especially Katina--and test their designs. Spock kisses up and gets himself a job by telling Stark that he is from the future--I'm from the past, what does that get me?--Francine apologizes to stark for thinking he was her father--never admit to anything, that's my motto!--and then Tyler and Stark gossip about the students, which really must be the most gratifying aspect of the whole teaching thing.
In Film class, contain your shock, there is a film! And a lecture, dress-up clothes, and food! None of the other classes have mentioned food. This is clearly the superior course to be taking. Never say no to free things, poppets. Jack--the squirrels don't say which one, but I will tell it wasn't me because I've never even been to Vancouver like this one was--apologizes for missing class last week. I'm not in that class, so it definitely wasn't me. In another class where the description gives away what I'll be talking about, Creative Writing present their stories! Oh, they also have pizza! There. Pick the obviously named classes, children. They give you free things.
Flight and Flying fly in wings made of X's, which seems unsafe. There is a practice run before they all dodge things or something in an obstacle course, before Peter--before he was sacrificed to the ramen monster, no doubt--mistook flying class for drawing class and drew--see what I did there?--the attention of Claire, Anakin and Jess with his doodles. Ender is a good little boy and got extra work from the teacher, which is a lesson to all of you--never stand out.
Dorms, where pirates don't sleep
This morning on the third floor, Effy was watching Canadian teen dramas on television. Was there a moose? Tell me there was a moose. Effy and Layla talked about the moose that clearly should have been in that show, Fandom strangeness and Layla's job at Things Reborn. I've heard that Layla knows things. Alex the matey, not one of the wenches also named Alex, wrangles toast out of Effy before making Tara flail by imagining Griff and Fiona 'getting it on.' Think the ears are involved somehow? Tara also volunteers to make pancakes--Hurley declines but Effy takes her up on it. The perverted Alex is stuck with toast. Hurley is also not a big Alex fan--seems he's been picking on Penelope--and he and Effy introduce themselves and talk about how she likes to spend time on the roof. You all really need to get better hobbies.
On the second floor this afternoon, Merlin and Karla are baking.
*terrified chittering*
...Come back here, squirrels! Or at least hand over the rum. Raven wants to know if they are brewing a potion--that is not generally what you look for in a baked good--and politely offers to brew tea for them, which I notice is not agreeing to eating whatever they make. Good show. The fuzzy Robin asks what they are doing and Merlin is still a little confused by a talking frog--can't really blame you, mate--and makes small talk with Karla. And Arthur--isn't he supposed to be here, mates?--walks away from the potential disaster. And apparently just. Kept. Walking.
...all the way to back of the dorms where the Do-Gooders With Swords had their weekly meeting. Today they were playing hide and seek. But first, naturally, you need to get all of your talking out. Tahiri and Blysse scorn those of us who wear shoes--strange thing to be uptight about--and then Tahiri and Dinah get all excited about not being animals. This is a strange, strange town. Fiona and Dinah have what the squirrels figure to be the girliest conversation they've ever eavesdropped upon that didn't include wenches traipsing about at a slumber party. Highlights include flowers, boys who like them like them, and I'm sure an earshattering level of squealing. Then Leto and Fiona talk about how the flower will make her easier to track before everyone pairs up to test that theory. Ben and Tahiri are declared adorable by the squirrel, Fiona warns Griff that she is going to be terrible at hide and seek--it's not that hard, wench, truly--and Dinah gets warned that Gabrielle learned to sneak from someone named Xena, which would be impressive if I knew who that was. Maybe she knows Harry? And Blysse offers up ways to cover your scent. If it includes showering, I'm not interested. Tahiri finds out from Arthur that what she missed at the last meeting was what she was doing at home, and Leto and Zack talk about how children's games can teach you real world skills. If that's the case, what do I learn from London Bridge? Other than it's falling down? And Dinah tells Zack that she was demon hunting in Canada last week. I don't trust the Canadians. Not even the moose.
Leto and Kate are on a movie date in the third floor common room, Dinah and Karla are flying off the roof, and I have not drunk enough today to have that make sense. Oh, and another Jack--still not me--is up on the roof smoking. So far, no roof jumping. Apparently roof-jumping isn't fatal, as Dinah is safe and sound in her room later tonight, talking with Francine about flying and Vancouver.
And out on the deck tonight, Peyton is sketching. In the dark? No one mentions the dark, but six different conversations spring up about the weather. Oh, wait, no, there is also mistaken identity, talk of vacations, shopping and classes and then a giant marshmallow named Larry came down and talked to them.
*angry chitters*
Oh, fine, that part wasn't true.
Town, where the pirate is still running out of rum. Someone should fix that, squirrels
Ino was making the flowers go deaf--if they had ears, of course--at the flower shop, Hinata's kitten stole her bookmark at Book Haven, and Raven opened Decadent Delights and was invited to spend some time with Hannibal's...ball pit. That is not the most subtle thing I've ever heard.
In other sexually repressed news, Jack--not me--was working a tripod over at the Photo Hut. Loki was playing video games, Edward had no takes on hunting boar at the diner, and Ellie spent a long day staring off into space at the place where the horses live. Gibbs--not the one I know, who'd never work at a police station--was taking phone calls, Fiona was happy at work--no one should be happy at work--and Layla was happy at Things Reborn, but that was due to drugs. And that was before she turned into a platypus. Irulan was there--not as a platypus, but most assuredly with a fantastic hat--looking for vinyl records.
Mary was amused to watch people at the hotel, Adam was in his last shift ever over at the comic store, and Oz was reading about Native Americans at Coyote Medicine.
Dean was dropping off some of his things at the lovely Zoe's home tonight, Murdock gives his house to Glinda and over at my favorite place on the whole island, Caritas, Marshall was making me mate Tino do all the work. Zayne and Elena went on a date with many "a's", which I am told makes it better, Mina wanted to drink something blue and Irulan likes Marshall's hat. What did it look like, rodents? Is it better than mine?
*chittering*
Good answer, squirrels. I won't have to send any of you to the clinic, which was quiet anyway.
...and I'm out of notes. And rum. You may now imagine which one I am more unhappy about. Good night, Fandom!
*chittering*
No, I am not that drunk.
*disbelieving chittering*
Pass me the notes and off the plank with ye!
School, where you are supposed to learn things so you don't become pirates
In the office today, the staff sacrifices Peter to the ramen monster.
*pause*
Are you drunk? Oh, sorry. Ridiculous question. Moving on!
Photography has its last class, where they work in the darkroom and display photos before Veronica asks Harry--who's Harry?--what his post-island plans were. Oh, he's leaving. Goodbye, Harry. I hardly noticed you existed. I feel like I really missed an opportunity there.
Some manner of sea creature was reading surfing magazines in the library, Glinda was making margaritas in her office and hallucinated a frog who asked her to advise his band, and Deadpool was very popular between checking an Amazon for deals: he was visited by Jan and Cable--for training in how to be more badass, Glinda--with margaritas, Fraser--who is apparently not gay and getting married to someone who isn't Deadpool, sorry squirrels, and Veronica, who talked of a Doctor Seuss, a name I don't recognize. Maybe I should pay more attention to the notes the squirrels bring into the station.
Mythbusting meets at Stark Industries--oh, I see what you're doing there, trying to get me out of order--where the students peek around the lab, and sketch--especially Katina--and test their designs. Spock kisses up and gets himself a job by telling Stark that he is from the future--I'm from the past, what does that get me?--Francine apologizes to stark for thinking he was her father--never admit to anything, that's my motto!--and then Tyler and Stark gossip about the students, which really must be the most gratifying aspect of the whole teaching thing.
In Film class, contain your shock, there is a film! And a lecture, dress-up clothes, and food! None of the other classes have mentioned food. This is clearly the superior course to be taking. Never say no to free things, poppets. Jack--the squirrels don't say which one, but I will tell it wasn't me because I've never even been to Vancouver like this one was--apologizes for missing class last week. I'm not in that class, so it definitely wasn't me. In another class where the description gives away what I'll be talking about, Creative Writing present their stories! Oh, they also have pizza! There. Pick the obviously named classes, children. They give you free things.
Flight and Flying fly in wings made of X's, which seems unsafe. There is a practice run before they all dodge things or something in an obstacle course, before Peter--before he was sacrificed to the ramen monster, no doubt--mistook flying class for drawing class and drew--see what I did there?--the attention of Claire, Anakin and Jess with his doodles. Ender is a good little boy and got extra work from the teacher, which is a lesson to all of you--never stand out.
Dorms, where pirates don't sleep
This morning on the third floor, Effy was watching Canadian teen dramas on television. Was there a moose? Tell me there was a moose. Effy and Layla talked about the moose that clearly should have been in that show, Fandom strangeness and Layla's job at Things Reborn. I've heard that Layla knows things. Alex the matey, not one of the wenches also named Alex, wrangles toast out of Effy before making Tara flail by imagining Griff and Fiona 'getting it on.' Think the ears are involved somehow? Tara also volunteers to make pancakes--Hurley declines but Effy takes her up on it. The perverted Alex is stuck with toast. Hurley is also not a big Alex fan--seems he's been picking on Penelope--and he and Effy introduce themselves and talk about how she likes to spend time on the roof. You all really need to get better hobbies.
On the second floor this afternoon, Merlin and Karla are baking.
*terrified chittering*
...Come back here, squirrels! Or at least hand over the rum. Raven wants to know if they are brewing a potion--that is not generally what you look for in a baked good--and politely offers to brew tea for them, which I notice is not agreeing to eating whatever they make. Good show. The fuzzy Robin asks what they are doing and Merlin is still a little confused by a talking frog--can't really blame you, mate--and makes small talk with Karla. And Arthur--isn't he supposed to be here, mates?--walks away from the potential disaster. And apparently just. Kept. Walking.
...all the way to back of the dorms where the Do-Gooders With Swords had their weekly meeting. Today they were playing hide and seek. But first, naturally, you need to get all of your talking out. Tahiri and Blysse scorn those of us who wear shoes--strange thing to be uptight about--and then Tahiri and Dinah get all excited about not being animals. This is a strange, strange town. Fiona and Dinah have what the squirrels figure to be the girliest conversation they've ever eavesdropped upon that didn't include wenches traipsing about at a slumber party. Highlights include flowers, boys who like them like them, and I'm sure an earshattering level of squealing. Then Leto and Fiona talk about how the flower will make her easier to track before everyone pairs up to test that theory. Ben and Tahiri are declared adorable by the squirrel, Fiona warns Griff that she is going to be terrible at hide and seek--it's not that hard, wench, truly--and Dinah gets warned that Gabrielle learned to sneak from someone named Xena, which would be impressive if I knew who that was. Maybe she knows Harry? And Blysse offers up ways to cover your scent. If it includes showering, I'm not interested. Tahiri finds out from Arthur that what she missed at the last meeting was what she was doing at home, and Leto and Zack talk about how children's games can teach you real world skills. If that's the case, what do I learn from London Bridge? Other than it's falling down? And Dinah tells Zack that she was demon hunting in Canada last week. I don't trust the Canadians. Not even the moose.
Leto and Kate are on a movie date in the third floor common room, Dinah and Karla are flying off the roof, and I have not drunk enough today to have that make sense. Oh, and another Jack--still not me--is up on the roof smoking. So far, no roof jumping. Apparently roof-jumping isn't fatal, as Dinah is safe and sound in her room later tonight, talking with Francine about flying and Vancouver.
And out on the deck tonight, Peyton is sketching. In the dark? No one mentions the dark, but six different conversations spring up about the weather. Oh, wait, no, there is also mistaken identity, talk of vacations, shopping and classes and then a giant marshmallow named Larry came down and talked to them.
*angry chitters*
Oh, fine, that part wasn't true.
Town, where the pirate is still running out of rum. Someone should fix that, squirrels
Ino was making the flowers go deaf--if they had ears, of course--at the flower shop, Hinata's kitten stole her bookmark at Book Haven, and Raven opened Decadent Delights and was invited to spend some time with Hannibal's...ball pit. That is not the most subtle thing I've ever heard.
In other sexually repressed news, Jack--not me--was working a tripod over at the Photo Hut. Loki was playing video games, Edward had no takes on hunting boar at the diner, and Ellie spent a long day staring off into space at the place where the horses live. Gibbs--not the one I know, who'd never work at a police station--was taking phone calls, Fiona was happy at work--no one should be happy at work--and Layla was happy at Things Reborn, but that was due to drugs. And that was before she turned into a platypus. Irulan was there--not as a platypus, but most assuredly with a fantastic hat--looking for vinyl records.
Mary was amused to watch people at the hotel, Adam was in his last shift ever over at the comic store, and Oz was reading about Native Americans at Coyote Medicine.
Dean was dropping off some of his things at the lovely Zoe's home tonight, Murdock gives his house to Glinda and over at my favorite place on the whole island, Caritas, Marshall was making me mate Tino do all the work. Zayne and Elena went on a date with many "a's", which I am told makes it better, Mina wanted to drink something blue and Irulan likes Marshall's hat. What did it look like, rodents? Is it better than mine?
*chittering*
Good answer, squirrels. I won't have to send any of you to the clinic, which was quiet anyway.
...and I'm out of notes. And rum. You may now imagine which one I am more unhappy about. Good night, Fandom!