Fandom Radio, Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

[rocksthescarf.livejournal.com]

Chuck: Hello, Fandom. This is Chuck Bass filling in for Katchoo and Lacey because...I don't know why. I don't even know Lacey and Katchoo is a bitch on wheels. I guess I'm just being a good person.

*squeaking*

Chuck: Yeah, being stoned probably has something to do with it too. Makes me a more amicable person.

*squeaking*

Chuck: Why thank you. If I hadn't paid a person to take the SATs for me I'm sure I would have gotten a high score on the vocab too.

*sound of a door opening*

Marshall: What's up, Barney Junior?

Chuck: Uh...

Marshall: Dude, I don't even know. I was watching reruns of Cash Cab and then I got attacked by squirrels.

Chuck: Okay, whatever.

Marshall: Are you high?

Chuck: Is your shirt covered in HoHo carcasses?

Marshall: Huh? Oh yeah. I like to eat snack cakes when watching game shows. Helps me think. The squirrels let me bring the box with me.

Chuck: Give me four of those HoHos and I'll let you stay.

Marshall: Deal!



School Time

Chuck: I'm not used to reading this part. You read while I eat.

Marshall: Okey dokey, kid. The office was calm as Ida digs for fruit. What kind of fruit are you going to find in an office? Claudia was in the library but no one showed up. In the fashion class, Edna lectured about how capes suck. Dude, capes are awesome!

Chuck: Ugh. Capes are so tacky.

Marshall: You would say that, Little Stinson. Anyways, there was a lecture and people presented their costumes and sewed. And, of course, Edna was there to be talked to. Your turn!

Chuck: Wha...? You didn't finish the school notes.

Marshall: Chuck, we are partners in this broadcast. That means we share everything. Every section of notes. A marriage of news, if you will.

Chuck: I don't will. I'm your boss. You'll do as I say.

Marshall: You are Mr. Chuck Eriksen until the end of this broadcast. Read the notes or I take away the HoHos.

Chuck: You are the worst husband ever. *sigh* Surviving Deep Space discussed Polymorphs. I have no idea what those are. The students listened to a lecture and then they were supposed to write down their greatest fears as a step forward to defeating polymorphs. I still don't know what those are.

Marshall: What's your greatest fear, Chuck?

Chuck: Being married to you for real.

Marshall: That hurts, boss.

Chuck: Deal with it. The polymorphs, whatever they are, did battle and Rimmer was there to be talked to. Max lectured about curved swords versus straight ones in the Sword Skills class. Uh...

Marshall: *snort* That's dirty.

Chuck: So dirty. There was a chance to practice with Max or a partner and Karla asked Max if she could only spar with female partners.

Marshall: That's racist.

Chuck: Sexist.

Marshall: Whatever. In Tactics, Captain Kirk had everyone play battleship. Bones, who has the coolest name ever, was there to TA and the good Captain was there to be talked to. Driver's Ed watched a movie because the teacher was a gazelle.

Chuck: You can learn to drive from watching a movie?

Marshall: Can...can you not drive?

Chuck: *sigh* No, I can't.

Marshall: Holy [feedback]! You have GOT to be Barney's kid!

Chuck: I've met Barney and I take that as a compliment.

Marshall: You would think that. Anyways, boy!Alex was all sympathetic because Griff was hungover and they talked about why Griff was drinking. Claudia fed Griff corn chips and Gatorade. God, that's a recipe for puke if I've ever heard one. The students had to turn in a list of rules teenage drivers should follow--

Chuck: Don't receive road head until you've mastered the art of having an orgasm with your eyes open.

Marshall: --oh that's so sick. But not untrue. And Ziva was there but I'm not sure how much conversation you're gonna get from a gazelle. She'd probably eat your pants like that donkey did when I was in Trenton.

Chuck: ...I don't even want to know. Veronica was looking at photos from her class during her office hours and got birthday phone calls from Piper and Dick. Happy birthday, Veronica. You're hot. Anakin was making a nanny droid during his office hours--

Marshall: I don't trust robots.

Chuck: I don't know, the one at the bar is cool. Like it better than Tino. Anyways, Rachel wanted to know why Anakin would trust his baby with a droid and they talked about their effed up families. We should start a club. Jaina wanted to know if she was interrupting, she's not, and Anakin asked if she was familiar with nanny droids. She's just familiar with Threepio, whatever the eff that is.

Dorms...cabins...whatever

Chuck: Liir took Joan flying. I can do that. Just, you know, on a private jet and not a stupid broom. Ender had his laptop and was making some sausages over at the Ninth Hell campfire. Ben and Ender call each other ho's and then Ender shows Ben his sausage. Ben asked if Ender's ever turned into an animal and Ender tells him of the time where he turned into a stuffed dragon and how Hannibal took care of him. And then Ben said he wanted Hannibal's beard...

Marshall: I'm sorry, I know you guys are kids but that's some of the gayest stuff I've ever heard.

Chuck: Seriously. Leto and Ender caught up and Ender told him about his visit to Leto's homeworld. Jack Burton was sitting by the unlit Son of the Beach campfire and you need to read the next part because it's about me and I don't like talking about myself.

Marshall: Whatever, you love talking about yourself.

Chuck: Okay, I do, but I like hearing others talk about me more.

Marshall: Fair enough. Chuck here was by the Rumor Gal campfire with sandwiches and popping marshmallows into his mouth.

Chuck: Sandwiches?

Marshall: No, not sandwiches. Sandwiches. There's a difference. Chuck told Edmund that he was being a good boy by going to church and Edmund wondered how Chuck can do bad things and get rewarded for it.

Chuck: I told you. It's part of the Chuck Bass charm.

Marshall: It'll get you in the end. Karma.

Chuck: Yeahyeahyeah, whatever.

Marshall: Claire told Edmund about Jon being a puppy and Edmund told her about how his siblings turned into animals while they were here. Ellie and Edmund met properly because having classes together apparently doesn't count. Edmund would offer Agnes a marshmallow but apparently Chuck was hogging them.

Chuck: Hey! I was not!

Marshall: Claire and Chuck talk about the nakedness that happens after person!animal turns back into a person!person and Chuck guessed that Claire would turn into a bunny because she's cute and fluffy. Awwwwww. That's adorable, Chuck.

Chuck: Shut up.

Marshall: Claire asked Agnes how she liked building cannons in class the other day and she said she preferred mixing soda and candy because she mixes a lot of potions. Nifty! Chuck and Ellie met and Claire talked to Ellie about Jon being a dog. Ellie and Agnes caught up and she told Agnes that the only weird thing that's happened to her lately was the singing thing. That was awesome! Agnes, apparently, heard from radio that Chuck had a talented mouth.

Chuck: Finally, some truth in advertising.

Marshall: I don't want to hear about your talented mouth. Ever. Sookie wanted to know if Chuck was sharing the marshmallows or just showing off. They met properly and she asked him if he was going to get in trouble for eating sandwiches in public.

Chuck: Ohhhhhhhh sandwiches. I get it now.

Marshall: I didn't think it was that hard of a concept to grasp. Agnes said Chuck was probably showing off *and* sharing because he was Chuck Bass. She warned Sookie against him because he's a huge flirt and Sookie says that Chuck isn't going to get anywhere with her.

Chuck: Hey!

Marshall: Karmaaaaaaaa. Sookie and Claire meet properly and discuss where Sookie is from and about her gifts. Sookie and Ellie met. Edmund said that Chuck was probably sharing *and* showing off and Sookie said the showing off wouldn't be as impressive if he wasn't sharing and Edmund suggested that she tell Chuck that because he apparently needs to be taken down a peg or two.

Chuck: Hey!

Marshall: Kar. Ma. Chuck gave Zayne a muffled hello and got the Force explained to him and Zayne met Claire and Agnes as well. Edmund is surprised that there was so many Rumor Gal boys about and he told Zayne about how the last time everybody in the cabin got together it ended badly.

Chuck: It wasn't that bad.

Marshall: Sure it wasn't. Sookie said hello to Zayne and Rachel stumbled across the campsite and got greeted by Claire. Chuck teased Rachel about stalking him. Yeah, like anybody would want to do that. Agnes caught up with Rachel and Sookie introduced herself. And Edmund suggested that Rachel get some marshmallows before Chuck hogs them all down.

Chuck: HEY!

Marshall: Kar--

Chuck: --I swear if you say "karma" I'm going to fire you.

Marshall: Very well.

Townie Time

Marshall: Robin and Ben got dirty because she was wearing a hockey jersey with nothing under it--OH GOD!

Chuck: I want to hear more about that.

Marshall: No! No! We are not hearing more about that! God, she's your employee.

Chuck: That's what makes it so hot. Arthur, who is a douche, was hunting in the Preserve when he got startled by Blind Seer. He decides to hunt rabbit with Blysse and Blind Seer and don't you people know grocery stores exist? Arthur scared the crap out of Karla, who asked him for protection. She promises she's not always like that and they talk about the political situation at her home. Tara was nervous at her first day at the Magic Box and Layla came in to buy candles. They talk about pop-tart rain. Whaaat?

Marshall: Dude. If it rained pop-tarts I'd be outside with a bucket.

Chuck: It sounds like it would hurt. Algren opened up the Wellspring Arms and talked to Cable about Fandom weirdness and being control freaks. Tyler and Algren caught up about teaching escapades and adventures. Lindsay's at Stark Industries, Helen was at the Gig, Millie was at the bookstore, Peyton was at Groovy Tunes, Fiona was at the sex shop, Maron was at the T&C, Priestly was at Lukes and oh my god all this boring is harshing my high.

Marshall: Fine, fine, I'll read. Dinah was at the flower shop and Fiona came in to bitch about Ino, Griff and Arthur. Wow. Hoshi was at the Arms and Jack Burton came in to talk about board games and the specials. Elena was at the Pixie Dust, Tully was at the lighthouse and Simon had the nurses glaring at him at the Clinic.

Chuck: Why?

Marshall: It doesn't say. A mystery for the ages, apparently. Over at the church, Castiel held a sermon about how angels don't care about our dirty deeds and he apparently had furry handcuffs as a visual aid. Um.

Chuck: Okay, Castiel, if you aren't going to use those handcuffs for their intended purpose I'm going to have to insist you give them to me. I will put them to good use and I promise I won't give you the details.

Marshall: Sick. John Winchester did some verbal sparring with Castiel about his actuality and purpose. Morgan was fixing stuff in the church and Arthur showed up for peace and ended up getting weirded out by the sermon. I would have been weirded out too.

Chuck: Seriously. I want those handcuffs.

Marshall: God, my boss is a pervert.

Chuck: Oh like you don't have sex toys.

Marshall: Oh my god I didn't buy them! Lily did!

Chuck: Go on...

Marshall: Some of them were scary and--dammit! I'm not going to discuss this on air!

Chuck: What about off air?

Marshall: No!

Chuck: You are no fun. Anyways, Dani Reese was at the Trooper Station and Kyle Reese came in, thinking he and Dani were related. I wouldn't be surprised in this town. Veronica and Deadpool celebrated her birthday at Mooby's and there was a ball pit involved. Dirty?

Marshall: Totally dirty.

Chuck: I thought so. Last bit of news tonight, Ben Reilly was being a good employee by showing up to work even though he was looking a little rough. Layla came in, glad that Ben was alive.

Marshall: That's always nice.

Chuck: Indeed.

Marshall: Okay, since there's no more notes left, I decree our marriage dissolved.

Chuck: Excellent. I'm glad we divorced before we consummated it.

Marshall: You and me both. I don't think Lily would have liked that. Okay, that's it for news tonight. This is Marshall Eriksen--

Chuck: Oh. I don't do that cutesy goodbye thing.

Marshall: *sigh* Fine. This is Marshall and Chuck saying goodnight.

Chuck: I did not say that, stop putting words into my extremely talented mouth.

Marshall: GOODNIGHT!