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leeadama

*the beautiful sound of yet another beer being opened*

LEE: Hello, Fandom! This is Lee Adama
WILBUR!JOHN: And Mr. Wilbur Rufus Skeeter.
LEE: *pause* And John Crichton.
WILBUR!JOHN: Who?
LEE: Well, now that I think about it, you are looking quite dashing today…Wilbur.
WILBUR!JOHN: Why, thank you.
LEE: You look quite Starfleet-commanderly, actually.
WILBUR!JOHN: So do you, good sir.
LEE: Ah, you flatter me, handsome.
WILBUR!JOHN: Down the hatch.

*pause for drinking*

LEE: This drink is quite nice. It reminds me of the juice of Gemenese wild—
WILBUR!JOHN: Just drink it, Lee.
LEE: Right-o.
WILBUR!JOHN: Engage.
LEE: …huh?

Classes on Saturday? Surely, You Jest!

LEE: According to my notes, Dr. Carter's planning certain evil about twelve planets I care quite a lot about.

WILBUR!JOHN: This is light beer right? I can't afford to gain any extra weight.

LEE: I hate you, Crichton.

WILBUR!JOHN: Who?

LEE: ...And Charlie was in his office on a Saturday. Which is just plain weird. GET A LIFE. And stop that freakin' bitch from attacking my planets, plz!

WILBUR!JOHN: No, seriously, Lee. Do you think I'm fat?

Detention today, was run by Professor Pierson, who is not nearly as dashing as my Professor of Perpetual Passion, Rita Skeeter. Rita my love, I'm in town! Dinner? Regardless, Boone, Logan, and Tog...Toga...Bill had detention this fine Saturday.

LEE: ILL MET BY MOONLIGHT, PROUD CRICHTON.

WILBUR!JOHN: My name is Wilbur, Lee.

LEE: I'm refering to the most awesome auditions for Midsummer Night's Dream. Which according to my notes, you didn't try out for it, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ree Ree doesn't like me to be in the limelight.

LEE: Right.

WILBUR!JOHN: So what kind of pansy tried out for that play?

LEE: Not me.

WILBUR!JOHN: Ha, you're such a fairy.

LEE: A commanding fairy, bitch.

WILBUR!JOHN: So, seriously, who tried out?

LEE: Pippi, Nadia, John Sheppard, Han Solo, Xander, Quinn, Blair, Pip, Macbeth, the fairest of all Maureens, Alanna, some punk, Molly, Rose, Hamlet, Lana, Zero, Callisto, Cally, Kawalsky, and ~~Cameron~~Allie.

WILBUR!JOHN: Pansies.

LEE: I really hate you, John.

WILBUR!JOHN: Actually, I was thinking of what kind of flower to plant in front of Ree Ree's house this spring, Lee. I wasn't meaning to say something derogatory about those who appreciate the fine arts of the theater. But now that you mention it...

LEE: Shut up...Mr. Skeeter.

WILBUR!JOHN: Thanks.

LEE: Also, Jaye tried to perfect the dance move of 'jazz hands' but perhaps Mr. Kennedy would know best. She and Macbeth also watched the lovely Miss Parker try out. Snarking at other's expense continued as well as some good old fashioned gossiping. I'm not surprised that a shrub arrived, as this is Fandom, but I hope someone watered it. Cally also arrived, being quite herself today.

Dorm Room With A View

WILBUR!JOHN: Cam and Isabel spend time sparring in the gym. Sparring? I do believe my pookie and I used to spar when we were young and in love. I don't know what happened to us. I've tried calling, I've tried writing, I've tried everything. My pookie...

Cam and Parker, who looks a lot like my Ree Ree at a younger age, miss Aeryn. We all do, dear students, we all do. Walter proves to be quite the culinary genius as he prepared breakfast for Pippi, Nadia, Pip and Blair. My beloved, my sweet Rita Bo Bita, used to enjoy eggs over easy in bed. It's been so long since I've cooked for her.

LEE: I can cook...

WILBUR!JOHN: Nobody asked you, boy!

WILBUR!JOHN: In the fourth floor common room, Shep, Lana, and Han do something called hanging out. Hanging out? Please tell me they were all wearing their clothing and not actually hanging out. Elsewhere, Whorey? Rory? I'm terribly sorry for that blunder. A kind benefactor has been mailing me tapes of my beloved's broadcast and I've heard her call Miss Gilmore, Whorey. I wanted to be as one with her. Anyway, Miss Gilmore apparently Netflixes something quite entertaining.

LEE: What's a Netflix?

WILBUR!JOHN: Sounds like some odd sexual contraption. Rory and Peter begin to wonder if Miss Gilmore's father has a secret acting career. I once told my sweet Rita that she could go into acting. She failed to believe me. I was crushed...again.

Callisto apparently wore a cheerleading uniform and auditioned for some bloody play. Really, who cares? Where is the news of my fair Rita? Angela orders food. Did you order scones, children? Rita likes scones. And veal. Scones with veal. It's quite the delicacy where we're from.

LEE: Can I try some scones with veal?

WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so.

Marty brings Rory a present. Dearest Rita? Professor of my heart? I have a present for you as well. Please, call me!

WILBUR!JOHN: Lyta wakes up in the middle of the night. Why is this news? Honestly, the things this school reports. Excuse me, I got a hangnail today. Put that on the telly, please! Jake ruin's Angel's clothes. Now that's just mean, man. You never touch a man's clothing. The clothing makes the man. Just ask my Rita who loves my violet velvet jumpsuit.

LEE: Violet velvet...

WILBUR!JOHN: I'm wearing it right now, dear boy. Don't close your eyes! Don't make that gagging face!

Later, Angel discovers his clothing. Everybody need some color in their lives, boy! Put on that pink shirt and impress your lady! Xander is not in his room. Whoopity doo. Honestly, you're boring me with this incessant nonsense. Tell me something important. Did my Ree Ree smile today? Cally has breasts. I have come to the conclusion that this school is a warped pit of sexual festivities.

LEE: Isn't it great?

WILBUR!JOHN: Anders and Bridge have changed back into themselves. Yes, because impersonating someone else is just wrong and bad. *pause* Anyway, very good boys. I do hope you remain in your bodies and with your hands to yourselves. All sorts of venereal disease going around these days.

LEE: Venereal what?

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not interrupt me when I am speaking!

Elizabeth is returning home for an unspecified amount of time. I wish you well in your travels, Elizabeth. Veronica helps Jake with his evil plan. Evil plan? Honestly, what ever happened to the days of playing hop scotch in the alley? My dearest Rita was a hop scotch champion in her younger ears. Time...and age has faded that ability.

Cam yells at Blair. The last time I spoke to my curly haired bringer of happiness, she was also yelling at me. I've done nothing wrong, Rita. Come back to me!

LEE: Dude, you sound pretty desperate.

WILBUR!JOHN: Do not speak to your elders in that manner, young man!

Callisto visit Archie. Also, my nose itches. Aren't you excited? No? Then you feel exactly the same way I do.

Takin' You Downtown!

WILBUR: JOHN: Today, in the clinic, Granny deals with Tommy. And all of you should know that my Rita will be the most beautiful grandmother ever in about five years. Yes, Rita, we're having to be grandparents!

LEE: Congratulations.

WILBUR!JOHN: Thank you dear boy! I am most happy!

Trevor comes to the clinic looking for work. If you can't find work there, laddie, let me know and I'll put in a good word for you at my Rita's favorite bratwurst deli in town. Han comes to the clinic to have his stitches removed. Honestly, dear boy, be a man and just rip them out. That's how I impressed my dear Rita.

LEE: Orlin worked on technological projects. I think Dr. Carter should pay more attention to him than my homeworlds.

WILBUR!JOHN: Have you ever named a Battlestar 'Enterprise'?

LEE: Something really frakked up happened waaaaay late last night or early this morning between Nadia, Pippi and Artie.

WILBUR!JOHN: Strange like how your pants are totally missing?

LEE: Strange like how my pants are on your head.

WILBUR!JOHN: Sweet Rita, he lies!

LEE: Anyway, Nadia and Pippi apparently stayed the night at Artie's. Wow. I didn't know Artie liked them young. And apparently they can really kick some ass so... hrm.

WILBUR!JOHN: You should see if they take cash.

LEE: What?

WILBUR!JOHN: OH RITA!

LEE: ...Anyway, Batou was working faithfully at Sanctity and Orlin was productive with the ducks.

WILBUR!JOHN: ...what the hell?

LEE: Language, John!

WILBUR!JOHN: My name is WILBUR.

LEE: That's not what you said last night.

WILBUR!JOHN: Shut up, Adama.

LEE: And Bel and Agatha visited him. There might have been kissing.

WILBUR!JOHN: I miss kissing.

LEE: Professor Skeeter doesn't put out then?

WILBUR!JOHN: She's had a headache for seven years now.

LEE: ...sucks, man.

WILBUR!JOHN: You single?

LEE: I'm going to pretend you didn't offer. Orlin and Lucas conversed at the excellent establishment of Empire Records. And the fair Miss Tonks was distracted whilst working at Wonka's Sweet Shoppe.

WILBUR!JOHN: Lorne returns to the hallowed grounds of Caritas. My fellow deli owner, Kirk, did it better. He knew how to make a grand entrance! And Caritas is open!

WILBUR!JOHN: And that, my dearest friends, is all we have for tonight. Bloody hell, you lot are boring.
LEE: Stop calling us that, you idiot.
WILBUR!JOHN: You dare call your superior officer an idiot?
LEE: Got a problem with that?
WILBUR!JOHN: As a matter of fact, I do.
LEE: Do something about it, old man.
WILBUR!JOHN: I shall subject you to many, many hours of Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. It's Ree Ree's favorite television show. It made me want to drive an ice pick through my eye.
LEE: You're...gonna do that to me? Sweet Lee?
WILBUR!JOHN: Make it so!

Radio Broadcast - February 18, 2006

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