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fandom_radio2007-08-10 01:54 am
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A Very Special Storytime Radio [Thursday, August 9]
Pam: Hiiiii there, boys and girls! Since you're all tucked in and have brushed your teeth and said your prayers like good children who have a curfew, I'm sure, we thought it might be time for a bedtime story.
Jim: This story is called "The Little Temp That Could." It's a story of a little girl who annoyed the townspeople more and more and kept at it, day after day after day until people started to look up bus fare for a one way trip to the underworld.
Pam: And if you think you've already heard it, don't you worry one little bit, because I bet you haven't. At least not with musical accompaniment. Jim?
Jim's guitar: *made music that sounded okay for a bedtime story*
In a school in a far away, magical land that bears no resemblance to any school that we are aware of....
Pam: Once upon a time, there lived a little girl. We think she had a name, or even a pretentious title, but for the purposes of our story, we're calling her 'the Temp.' One day, the Temp started on a bad note by yelling at everyone and calling Abigail, Rikku, Luke and Cedric into her office. Meanwhile, there was construction going on outside, because the school had earlier been exploded by aliens. But classes kept going on, even though the school had been exploded. Classes like How to Be Awesome, where they learned all about celebrities and searched the web, and Jude gave Andrew a hug out of defiance. That's a big word. Do you know what 'defiance' means, boys and girls? It means 'because he knew it would make the Temp really pissed off.'
Jim: Gasp. You said "pissed."
Pam: ...I mean 'angry'?
Jim: No, I think she was pissed. But fortunately, she wasn't allowed in Firearms and Me because, boys and girls, when you're upset, you should not have access to guns. Or wolves, like Dean, who was apparently turned into a wolf by the Temp. That's a story for another time, though. Today, class played with automatic weapons and sniper weapons. That had nothing to do with the Temp, of course. A class that had something to do with the Temp was Flight and Flying, where there was biking in the desert and the forest. Poor Rikku's legs were backwards, and it was all the Temp's fault. And Johnny Blaze helped her out, so the Temp actually brought two people together. Isn't that sweet, boys and girls? She means well. How nice. Anyway, Rory and Anakin argued - which was surely not the Temp's fault because she is so nice - and Roxas thanked Master Skywalker for his criticism from last week.
Pam: The Temp didn't make any appearances in History of Witchcraft, either, but everyone talked about abuse of magic, which is a very serious topic. Boys and girls, if you or any of your friends ever hear about magic being abused, you go tell the nearest grownup, all right? But don't run if you're by a pool, and if you have to cross the street, make sure you look both ways. Eve offered Phoebe her ability to kick, and what a nice thing to offer, since I didn't know that Phoebe was forming a soccer team. I bet that was the Temp's idea, because she's such a nice person. And in Practical Applications, they worked on their go-karts, which everyone should be very careful with because those are dangerous. When playing with things like go-karts, make sure you have a grownup supervisor, boys and girls, unless you're playing in the Temp's office. The Temp often found that bad things had happened to her office, though the boys and girls who left the surprises meant well, because they loved the Temp so much. Really.
Jim: In the cafeteria, where the Temp's fuzzy bunniness was felt even without her presence, AJ and Annette planned to paint Annette's room, surely while maintaining a safe distance from each other like the Temp suggested. Edward ate lunch and surely wondered why the Temp wasn't there to have lunch with him since she was so friendly. But then... [Jim hit a dramatic chord] Something happened. Suddenly our story became all about our heroine. She walked into the office she was keeping warm with her happy fuzziness until the return of the Principal and glared at the ceiling, for there were things that didn't belong there. Fortunately most of the school came by to offer her their support! Cedric walked in and they had a nice chat, even though he looked confused when he left. He probably wasn't used to being near people who are so friendly and wonderful like the Temp. Mr Cooper hung out and talked about how special the Temp was. And she is special. Very. Special. In so many ways. In fact, the Temp was so pleasant that someone gave her a present that I understand caused laughter. How nice! Isn't that nice, Pam?
Pam: I think that's the nicest thing I've heard all day. Mr. Rogers -- not that Mr. Rogers, boys and girls -- visited the Temp, too, and they were nice to each other. She even gave him a a special name, which is something I'm sure that only the Temp's best friends get. Rikku bounced by to visit the Temp, because everyone is cheerful around the Temp. She's just that kind of person. Just ask Abigail, who left the Temp's office with a big smile on her face. Luke was very formal when he visited, because the Temp inspired that in him, and Hannelore brought her robot to say hi, because even robots love the Temp. And Aly missed her best friend the Temp and came by to say hi, too, and they had a wonderful conversation.
Jim: Aly had office hours, too, and she learned her lesson about not letting the Temp braid her hair like best friends do, because she only had Professor Lyman visit with coffee. But wait, boys and girls! People in classes and offices may have learned their lessons, but what about elsewhere?
Pam: What a good question, Jim!
Dorms, where boys and girls should be safe and snug in their beds...but are they?
Pam: Isabel got a phone call this morning and a kiss...um, a kiss blown to her from eight inches away by Peter Petrelli, because of course those two know the rules and how much the Temp wanted them to follow them. AJ painted Annette's room for her, and certainly not because Annette was being lazy. I'm sure she was simply resting after a long morning of praying and eating her vegetables. Luke visited Tori and stayed eight inches away from her at all times, as the Temp asked, because he knew that was the best course of action for everyone. Dick -- can we say his name? I forgot. Um. Richard? -- and Annette went for a chaste and studious walk, and both Rikku and Andrew stopped by to see Hermione, the very best friend of the Temp. Do you have a best friend, boys and girls?
Jim: I think that was a yes. Somebody's best friend - maybe the Temp's - Trenor the horse figured out how to get out of the stable so he could be friends with EVERYONE. Faile gave him an oatmeal bar,
Z gave him a muffin, and River gave him an apple. The Temp, were she around, would have given all of her love. Setsuna stopped by the salle and worked out with some word that probably means hugs for the Temp, and was visited by Henry and Billy. But once again... [a dramatic chord was struck] something happened. People were... I don't know if I can say it, Pam! People were... CLOSER THAN EITHER INCHES APART!
Pam: NO!
Jim: YES! I need to be comforted but, alas, I cannot be touched. If only I were like Jude. He was hugged by Edward, Chad - who first tried to figure out how far apart eight inches is, so good try, buddy! - Mr Phale - representing all the teachers who refuse to understand how much more hygenic eight in personal bubbles are, for shame - Annette, Ronan, and Rikku showed off her new backwards legs before betraying the trust of her new best friend, the Temp, by kissing Jude. For shame! But Jude wasn't done there. He hugged Tori and Abigail, Billy and Naminé, and even asked Robin for one. But fortunately, that's everyone who defied the Temp's suggestions for our betterment, isn't it, Pam?
Pam: Alas, it's not. Johnny also gave his friends Mr. Aziraphale, Annette, Ronan, Charlie, Tori, the other Johnny, Billy, Robin, and Naminé. Edward hugged Annette and Naminé, and Chad hugged Ronan and Annette and Tori and Robin and Naminé. Meanwhile, Dick -- Richard? -- hugged Annette and Tori and Robin. Anders hugged Charlie and Di...Richard? and Tori and Annette and Savannah and Robin. ...and now for a musical interlude. Jim?
Jim: Of course. Here's a lullaby that conveniently takes care of some of our notes.
Rock-a-bye Jenny, out on the lawn
Hugging Jude, Blly, and Rob...awn,
Then she hugs Marco, while Tori hugs Billy
And Robin hugs both Tori
and Other Jim silly
He hugs Billy and then he hugs Eve
Savannah hugs Billy and Robin, she's too happy to grieve
The breaking of the Temp's order, blown into bits
As Jim hugs Lana, they don't give two Hey, look at that, we have some more notes!
Pam: *coughs and is totally not laughing, really* Um, that part of the story went on for a long time, huh? But what a nice lullaby! I bet half of the boys and girls who are listening are asleep now, safe in their own beds just like it was decreed. Meanwhile, Billy and Tori defied the Temp and broke her decree about being too close, just like all the huggers did! Oh no! And then later in the evening, River stargazed, Rikku went to - gasp - break the rules with Jude. The Temp was surely not happy about that. And in the fourth floor common room, a kitten-eater named Aravis broke the rules and stayed up late to watch...Telemundo? Mel helped her to invent stories for the people, because the Temp always teaches us to use our imaginations and creative thinking, right boys and girls? But unfortunately, it's very possible that the people on the television were most upset about...LOUD BACKGROUND MUSIC! You know what the Temp probably loves, boys and girls? Loud background music. It's one of her favorite things, I bet. Will and Mel made their introductions, and Anne discussed romance with Aravis and her very special feelings for the Temp with Mel. She loves her so. As we all do. Anne also discussed with Will the possibility that there is a screaming contest, something that the Temp did not like very much indeed, I'm sure, because she was very fond of quiet activities and also things that aren't fun. Aravis and Jaina speculated about the man's tear ducts, and Mel and Jaina stayed eight inches apart from each other, as they are both good little rule-abiders and much beloved by the Temp for it. But that's not the end of our story, is it, Jim? There were still people in town for the Temp to annoy.
Jim: There were indeed, Pam.
Town, where adults tried to find the Temp. To be her friend. Really.
Jim: Our newest resident, D'Argo, was on a quest for coffee at the Perk. No Temp there. Adam witnessed D'Argo's reaction to hot coffee, Stanley met the newbie, and Stark recognized D'Argo, but can any of this make up for no Temp? Sokka opened the Post Office. No Temp there, and that means that there is an Evie and breaking of the eight inch rule. Leo opened the Photo Hut and while Mary came by, there was still no Temp here. It seems so far, boys and girls, that the Temp was only annoying people in town by not sharing her pinkness with them. Our boss, Barbossa, hosted his radio show and Tori brought him rum, Gabriel opened the Church, and Yitzhak opened Luke's. The Temp wasn't in any of these places. Charlie opened Groovy Tunes and discussed protest songs with Robin. The Temp did not show up. Naminé opened Cafe Fina and spoke to
Mr Rogers and Charlie about the Temp, and yet she still did not show up. Mr Cooper hung out by the Trooper Station and was visited by Aly and Roy, neither of whom are the Temp. Arms Hotel? Nope. Book Haven? Nope! Stanley and discussion of Barry Plodder were both around, though. Turtle & Canary? Not even there! But Turtle and Charlie talked about weddings, Jeff, and lesbians, and I kind of think that combination of subjects makes up for the lack of the Temp. John Conner also called Turtle the "second-richest businessperson in Fandom" and, wow, them's fightin' words, John. Anyway, so far we're left with an important question as we head towards the end of our story: why does the Temp want to keep from annoying town with her huggability? Any theories to share with the boys and girls, Pam?
Pam: I'm not really sure. I think maybe she worries she'd never be able to stop hugging everyone. Which, from everything I've heard, would be a fate worse than death for all of us. Back to the story. Andrew visited Mr. Aziraphale at home to discuss his relationship with Dr. Wilson, and there was relationship advice, to the Temp's absentee dismay. And unless Deadpool or Invisible Aly turned into the Temp, she was not to be found at his house either! There was no sign of the Temp in Caritas, either, though there was certainly a Stanley, an Adam, an Eve, a Chad and a Robin, who also had a duet. There were also grumpy people of both the Bel and Anders variety, and Mary also met Anders and talked to Stanley from eight inches away -- hey, how come it's inches and not centimeters, anyway?
Jim: Because she's too used to the Metric system bringing people joy to people across the ocean.
Pam: ...I'll take that. So finally, all throughout the day, the Temp had been annoying people and yet, it seemed like no sad fate had fallen on her. Even the clinic was quiet. But then, just as a hush fell over the town, something happened.
Jim: [dramatic strumming of the guitar] Suddenly, out of nowhere, Principal Washburn returned. In one hand she held a flaming sword, burning bright with the fire of righteousness. In the other she held a baby. It was adorable. With her hands full of righteousness and a little human being, she chased off the Temp, and everyone talked about how annoying she was even more openly, and everyone was happy. Except for the Temp, but, you know, she still had her people skills, at least. I love happy endings.
Pam: *applauds* And they all lived happily ever after. Or, will, since we still need you, boys and girls, to help make that ending come true! Remember, only you can prevent annoying temporary principals.
Jim: And help annoy temporary principals.
Pam: That's right. And that's the end of our broadcast, boys and girls! Goodniiiiiiiiiight!
Jim: Sleep well!
Jim: This story is called "The Little Temp That Could." It's a story of a little girl who annoyed the townspeople more and more and kept at it, day after day after day until people started to look up bus fare for a one way trip to the underworld.
Pam: And if you think you've already heard it, don't you worry one little bit, because I bet you haven't. At least not with musical accompaniment. Jim?
Jim's guitar: *made music that sounded okay for a bedtime story*
In a school in a far away, magical land that bears no resemblance to any school that we are aware of....
Pam: Once upon a time, there lived a little girl. We think she had a name, or even a pretentious title, but for the purposes of our story, we're calling her 'the Temp.' One day, the Temp started on a bad note by yelling at everyone and calling Abigail, Rikku, Luke and Cedric into her office. Meanwhile, there was construction going on outside, because the school had earlier been exploded by aliens. But classes kept going on, even though the school had been exploded. Classes like How to Be Awesome, where they learned all about celebrities and searched the web, and Jude gave Andrew a hug out of defiance. That's a big word. Do you know what 'defiance' means, boys and girls? It means 'because he knew it would make the Temp really pissed off.'
Jim: Gasp. You said "pissed."
Pam: ...I mean 'angry'?
Jim: No, I think she was pissed. But fortunately, she wasn't allowed in Firearms and Me because, boys and girls, when you're upset, you should not have access to guns. Or wolves, like Dean, who was apparently turned into a wolf by the Temp. That's a story for another time, though. Today, class played with automatic weapons and sniper weapons. That had nothing to do with the Temp, of course. A class that had something to do with the Temp was Flight and Flying, where there was biking in the desert and the forest. Poor Rikku's legs were backwards, and it was all the Temp's fault. And Johnny Blaze helped her out, so the Temp actually brought two people together. Isn't that sweet, boys and girls? She means well. How nice. Anyway, Rory and Anakin argued - which was surely not the Temp's fault because she is so nice - and Roxas thanked Master Skywalker for his criticism from last week.
Pam: The Temp didn't make any appearances in History of Witchcraft, either, but everyone talked about abuse of magic, which is a very serious topic. Boys and girls, if you or any of your friends ever hear about magic being abused, you go tell the nearest grownup, all right? But don't run if you're by a pool, and if you have to cross the street, make sure you look both ways. Eve offered Phoebe her ability to kick, and what a nice thing to offer, since I didn't know that Phoebe was forming a soccer team. I bet that was the Temp's idea, because she's such a nice person. And in Practical Applications, they worked on their go-karts, which everyone should be very careful with because those are dangerous. When playing with things like go-karts, make sure you have a grownup supervisor, boys and girls, unless you're playing in the Temp's office. The Temp often found that bad things had happened to her office, though the boys and girls who left the surprises meant well, because they loved the Temp so much. Really.
Jim: In the cafeteria, where the Temp's fuzzy bunniness was felt even without her presence, AJ and Annette planned to paint Annette's room, surely while maintaining a safe distance from each other like the Temp suggested. Edward ate lunch and surely wondered why the Temp wasn't there to have lunch with him since she was so friendly. But then... [Jim hit a dramatic chord] Something happened. Suddenly our story became all about our heroine. She walked into the office she was keeping warm with her happy fuzziness until the return of the Principal and glared at the ceiling, for there were things that didn't belong there. Fortunately most of the school came by to offer her their support! Cedric walked in and they had a nice chat, even though he looked confused when he left. He probably wasn't used to being near people who are so friendly and wonderful like the Temp. Mr Cooper hung out and talked about how special the Temp was. And she is special. Very. Special. In so many ways. In fact, the Temp was so pleasant that someone gave her a present that I understand caused laughter. How nice! Isn't that nice, Pam?
Pam: I think that's the nicest thing I've heard all day. Mr. Rogers -- not that Mr. Rogers, boys and girls -- visited the Temp, too, and they were nice to each other. She even gave him a a special name, which is something I'm sure that only the Temp's best friends get. Rikku bounced by to visit the Temp, because everyone is cheerful around the Temp. She's just that kind of person. Just ask Abigail, who left the Temp's office with a big smile on her face. Luke was very formal when he visited, because the Temp inspired that in him, and Hannelore brought her robot to say hi, because even robots love the Temp. And Aly missed her best friend the Temp and came by to say hi, too, and they had a wonderful conversation.
Jim: Aly had office hours, too, and she learned her lesson about not letting the Temp braid her hair like best friends do, because she only had Professor Lyman visit with coffee. But wait, boys and girls! People in classes and offices may have learned their lessons, but what about elsewhere?
Pam: What a good question, Jim!
Dorms, where boys and girls should be safe and snug in their beds...but are they?
Pam: Isabel got a phone call this morning and a kiss...um, a kiss blown to her from eight inches away by Peter Petrelli, because of course those two know the rules and how much the Temp wanted them to follow them. AJ painted Annette's room for her, and certainly not because Annette was being lazy. I'm sure she was simply resting after a long morning of praying and eating her vegetables. Luke visited Tori and stayed eight inches away from her at all times, as the Temp asked, because he knew that was the best course of action for everyone. Dick -- can we say his name? I forgot. Um. Richard? -- and Annette went for a chaste and studious walk, and both Rikku and Andrew stopped by to see Hermione, the very best friend of the Temp. Do you have a best friend, boys and girls?
Jim: I think that was a yes. Somebody's best friend - maybe the Temp's - Trenor the horse figured out how to get out of the stable so he could be friends with EVERYONE. Faile gave him an oatmeal bar,
Z gave him a muffin, and River gave him an apple. The Temp, were she around, would have given all of her love. Setsuna stopped by the salle and worked out with some word that probably means hugs for the Temp, and was visited by Henry and Billy. But once again... [a dramatic chord was struck] something happened. People were... I don't know if I can say it, Pam! People were... CLOSER THAN EITHER INCHES APART!
Pam: NO!
Jim: YES! I need to be comforted but, alas, I cannot be touched. If only I were like Jude. He was hugged by Edward, Chad - who first tried to figure out how far apart eight inches is, so good try, buddy! - Mr Phale - representing all the teachers who refuse to understand how much more hygenic eight in personal bubbles are, for shame - Annette, Ronan, and Rikku showed off her new backwards legs before betraying the trust of her new best friend, the Temp, by kissing Jude. For shame! But Jude wasn't done there. He hugged Tori and Abigail, Billy and Naminé, and even asked Robin for one. But fortunately, that's everyone who defied the Temp's suggestions for our betterment, isn't it, Pam?
Pam: Alas, it's not. Johnny also gave his friends Mr. Aziraphale, Annette, Ronan, Charlie, Tori, the other Johnny, Billy, Robin, and Naminé. Edward hugged Annette and Naminé, and Chad hugged Ronan and Annette and Tori and Robin and Naminé. Meanwhile, Dick -- Richard? -- hugged Annette and Tori and Robin. Anders hugged Charlie and Di...Richard? and Tori and Annette and Savannah and Robin. ...and now for a musical interlude. Jim?
Jim: Of course. Here's a lullaby that conveniently takes care of some of our notes.
Rock-a-bye Jenny, out on the lawn
Hugging Jude, Blly, and Rob...awn,
Then she hugs Marco, while Tori hugs Billy
And Robin hugs both Tori
and Other Jim silly
He hugs Billy and then he hugs Eve
Savannah hugs Billy and Robin, she's too happy to grieve
The breaking of the Temp's order, blown into bits
As Jim hugs Lana, they don't give two Hey, look at that, we have some more notes!
Pam: *coughs and is totally not laughing, really* Um, that part of the story went on for a long time, huh? But what a nice lullaby! I bet half of the boys and girls who are listening are asleep now, safe in their own beds just like it was decreed. Meanwhile, Billy and Tori defied the Temp and broke her decree about being too close, just like all the huggers did! Oh no! And then later in the evening, River stargazed, Rikku went to - gasp - break the rules with Jude. The Temp was surely not happy about that. And in the fourth floor common room, a kitten-eater named Aravis broke the rules and stayed up late to watch...Telemundo? Mel helped her to invent stories for the people, because the Temp always teaches us to use our imaginations and creative thinking, right boys and girls? But unfortunately, it's very possible that the people on the television were most upset about...LOUD BACKGROUND MUSIC! You know what the Temp probably loves, boys and girls? Loud background music. It's one of her favorite things, I bet. Will and Mel made their introductions, and Anne discussed romance with Aravis and her very special feelings for the Temp with Mel. She loves her so. As we all do. Anne also discussed with Will the possibility that there is a screaming contest, something that the Temp did not like very much indeed, I'm sure, because she was very fond of quiet activities and also things that aren't fun. Aravis and Jaina speculated about the man's tear ducts, and Mel and Jaina stayed eight inches apart from each other, as they are both good little rule-abiders and much beloved by the Temp for it. But that's not the end of our story, is it, Jim? There were still people in town for the Temp to annoy.
Jim: There were indeed, Pam.
Town, where adults tried to find the Temp. To be her friend. Really.
Jim: Our newest resident, D'Argo, was on a quest for coffee at the Perk. No Temp there. Adam witnessed D'Argo's reaction to hot coffee, Stanley met the newbie, and Stark recognized D'Argo, but can any of this make up for no Temp? Sokka opened the Post Office. No Temp there, and that means that there is an Evie and breaking of the eight inch rule. Leo opened the Photo Hut and while Mary came by, there was still no Temp here. It seems so far, boys and girls, that the Temp was only annoying people in town by not sharing her pinkness with them. Our boss, Barbossa, hosted his radio show and Tori brought him rum, Gabriel opened the Church, and Yitzhak opened Luke's. The Temp wasn't in any of these places. Charlie opened Groovy Tunes and discussed protest songs with Robin. The Temp did not show up. Naminé opened Cafe Fina and spoke to
Mr Rogers and Charlie about the Temp, and yet she still did not show up. Mr Cooper hung out by the Trooper Station and was visited by Aly and Roy, neither of whom are the Temp. Arms Hotel? Nope. Book Haven? Nope! Stanley and discussion of Barry Plodder were both around, though. Turtle & Canary? Not even there! But Turtle and Charlie talked about weddings, Jeff, and lesbians, and I kind of think that combination of subjects makes up for the lack of the Temp. John Conner also called Turtle the "second-richest businessperson in Fandom" and, wow, them's fightin' words, John. Anyway, so far we're left with an important question as we head towards the end of our story: why does the Temp want to keep from annoying town with her huggability? Any theories to share with the boys and girls, Pam?
Pam: I'm not really sure. I think maybe she worries she'd never be able to stop hugging everyone. Which, from everything I've heard, would be a fate worse than death for all of us. Back to the story. Andrew visited Mr. Aziraphale at home to discuss his relationship with Dr. Wilson, and there was relationship advice, to the Temp's absentee dismay. And unless Deadpool or Invisible Aly turned into the Temp, she was not to be found at his house either! There was no sign of the Temp in Caritas, either, though there was certainly a Stanley, an Adam, an Eve, a Chad and a Robin, who also had a duet. There were also grumpy people of both the Bel and Anders variety, and Mary also met Anders and talked to Stanley from eight inches away -- hey, how come it's inches and not centimeters, anyway?
Jim: Because she's too used to the Metric system bringing people joy to people across the ocean.
Pam: ...I'll take that. So finally, all throughout the day, the Temp had been annoying people and yet, it seemed like no sad fate had fallen on her. Even the clinic was quiet. But then, just as a hush fell over the town, something happened.
Jim: [dramatic strumming of the guitar] Suddenly, out of nowhere, Principal Washburn returned. In one hand she held a flaming sword, burning bright with the fire of righteousness. In the other she held a baby. It was adorable. With her hands full of righteousness and a little human being, she chased off the Temp, and everyone talked about how annoying she was even more openly, and everyone was happy. Except for the Temp, but, you know, she still had her people skills, at least. I love happy endings.
Pam: *applauds* And they all lived happily ever after. Or, will, since we still need you, boys and girls, to help make that ending come true! Remember, only you can prevent annoying temporary principals.
Jim: And help annoy temporary principals.
Pam: That's right. And that's the end of our broadcast, boys and girls! Goodniiiiiiiiiight!
Jim: Sleep well!
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