http://thismeanswarner.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
thismeanswarner.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandom_radio2012-07-29 01:07 pm
thismeanswarner.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2012-07-29 01:07 pm
Entry tags:
Umbridge Radio, Sunday, July 29th
Announcer: In times of war and great strife, there is only one person we turn to... FOR LAUGHTER. And news. Ladies?
Singers: He was a famous cartoon boy
From out Burbank way
He had a crazy style
He'd make jokes all day
He was the top toon at his craft
But he was needed to teach
Then fights gave his classes the shaft
He's moral support now
Bringing the news, you'll go 'WOW!'
He's the oogie woogie Warner boy on TFH
They gave him a new microphone
And some notes he should've read
In a propaganda style where the rebels
Got knocked down and bled
But they just didn't make him laugh
So he took all the notes
And changed all them to jokes
And now we bring this to you
Maybe not the news that you knew
He's the oogie woogie Warner boy on TFH
A-root a-toot
A-toot diddle-ee-ada-toot
He'll drive you straight to the bar
With silly punchlines
He won't spread the news if it's stuff you can use
It's a warning sign
And now we bring this to you
Maybe not the news that you knew
He's Yakko, the oogie woogie Warner boy on TFH!
Yakko: *sound of golf club swishing through the air* Haha, ladies, you're all right. And speaking of being handsy, see me after the show, okay? Rowr!
I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression from that theme song. I think we all know that I'm on High Inquisitor Umbridge's side. Because if I were on the other side, I'd have to look at what she's wearing! I kid! I kid because I love! Or at least tolerate since you give me so much material, Umbie. But not as much material as it takes to make one of your outfits.
Anyway, the big news of the day is, of course, WAR! But we have mundane stuff to get through first, so let's just put that in your pocket and keep it cool for a while. Don't worry, it'll be there in a few minutes. It might just be pink when the cheap dye in your clothes run.
In the name of chronological order, let's start with detention this morning, where everyone seemed to know something was going to happen and tried to keep busy until it was time. That reeeeeeeeeeeally should've been a sign to the Infallibe Umbie's guards.
But it wasn't, so everything went a lot like my last marriage. Hey-oooo. Let's start with the library, where poor, innocent Cassie defended the place all by herself when newly revealed traitor Bruce Wayne led a big group into battle against her. Cassie took on Ender, which really didn't go well for her. But it means we have an excuse to use a sponsor!
YAKKO'S BIG BOARD OF THE GREAT BEYOND
presented by The Perk, keeping you perky for as long as you live
RESISTANCE - 0
LOYALIST - 1
Remember, the big board works by golf rules, for obvious reasons. That reason being that I love golf!
Despite being a traitor tot her Gloriousness herself, D. Umb... Hey, I just noticed that! A name like that takes Destinee Hooker's parents off the hook for unfortunate naming. But, no, Umbie is very smart and she is our shining pink light. Anyway, Bruce decided to check in on his new best friends, like Rory and Jack Carter once they had the library secure. But just because had the run of the place didn't mean he wasn't going to have people barricade doors and such. Ender - who I hope is ashamed of how he behaved - got to doing some of the grunt work while Spoiler and Spoiler came in to spoiler, and Bruce spoiler spoiler Rory spoiler spoiler spoiler. Sorry, that's all been redacted, loyal Umbridgians! There's more black on that note than in my coffee. Where's the cream already, amirite?
But that was only part of the chaos. The big thing that made buildings shake and raised YAKKO'S TERROR ALERT WARNING presented by Jeff, God of Biscuits, where the donuts aren't the only things that are holy to CALL ME MAYBE was the completely unexpected attack on detention that nobody could have seen coming at all, even if I clearly did earlier in this broadcast. Not to brag or anything.
But I am pretty great.
Oh, hey, some of Umbie's Legion actually did show up for the party, but when the Resistance struck, it struck with the force of something that strikes things pretty hard. And here's where my loyal Loyalist listeners get bored with all of this "this rebel did this" and "this rebel did that" but don't worry, I'm going to make fun of them, too.
So, Hellooooooooo Kitty walked through a wall, took some people out, and tried to convince Bobby to come with instead of just sitting there as a personal freezer unit for his dead girlfriend. But then, UH OH, the power dampener kept her stuck in detention. Well, I'm sure the glory of the big U meant that they couldn't do anything with that, so let's continue without any concerns at all.
Anna used her dead expertise to try to convince Bobby that carrying Sookie's body around was pretty much just the same thing as carrying around a souvenir, which is a little creepy at this level. Jamie was so excited to see Kitty that he tried to hug her. But he looks and probably smells like a crazy hobo, so she used Evade (Phase). Loki and Alex argued about which of them should get to leave because they're still too tiny to channel that into making out. Or at least they would be, if internet fanfiction hadn't lowered the bar for that kind of thing. Shameful. And fun to read because of typos and a lack of understanding of basic grammar. But back to the tiny gods, Kitty said they're both coming with them.
Head prisoner former Principal Zoe coordinated with Kitty to get the prisoners into groups because apparently nobody saw a problem with leaving the former principal with the other prisoners. Now I'm not one to second guess the great and powerful Um, but we probably could hve dropped her in Solitary. But hindsight is 20/20 (especially when it's obvious), so let's not dwell on that. And Dojima took some weapons from Kitty.
But what were other people doing before we get back to Kitty being everyone's best friend? Karla grabbed Cassidy to get her out - hey, wasn't Karla on Team Um for ten seconds? We need background checks. So Raven - hey, an actual person to defend the castle! - came in but Cassidy magicked to get her and Karla out. That's right, the power dampener was out. Why? We'll get to that. Eventually.
Everyone's BFF, Kitty told Jono the escape plan and somehow convinced Stark that she was real instead of stringing him along a little. I mean, c'mon, she can go intangible. It would be no effort to keep him wondering for a bit. Isabel came in with Kitty, and Dinah was giddy to see her. Father Jack - look, his last name's Priest, just go with me here - told Isabel to focus on the injured first, probably as a trial run to see if they could get out without being shot. Very sneaky, Jack. Phoebe totally copied Jack's move, but Isabel didn't listen to her and helped her out. Leon tried to get Rinoa out, but really, he should have called the WAAAAAAAAHmbulance to take her.
But enough of that breaking IN thing. What about the break OUT? Well, I'm glad you asked. As it turned out, the Resistance had a cunning plan of waiting for Raven's hold on Bruce Banner to fade, letting him be mad about it, and turn into the Hulk and make a hole in the wall. It lacks a little something, but it worked for them, I guess. And Lex Luthor blurred the line between faithful devotion to a cause and being reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaally dumb when he got in the Hulk's way and ended up being introduced to a vey nice wall for his troubles.
Once Dinah was out, she started yelling at Madri until they couldn't take the nagging any more, while Calvin had a conversation with a stuffed tiger. I'm not saying he's nuts, but I know people who carry an epipen when they talk to him. Sam had no idea what was going on until Dinah gave him the low down and they agreed to watch out for each other. So next time you see Sam Winchester, be sure to ask him how Kerrigan shot Dinah in the foot. I'm sure he'll have a great story for that.
Rinoa eventually left detention with Leon and immediately embraced having total Sue powers. Um Security officer Bo ignored my most recent proposal and decided to suck Jack Priests' life, which I'll forgive her for as long as that stops once I get that ring on her finger. He apparently didn't die, though, so no Big Board. BREAKING NEWS THAT I CAN DO AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. Nope, he's dead. Which brings us back to....
YAKKO'S BIG BOARD OF THE GREAT BEYOND
presented by Kwik Stop, where our products are as good as our spelling!
RESISTANCE - 1
LOYALIST - 1
And now back to the original broadcast.
Since they were free, Liara and Jono took some time to give exposition about her powers
You know who was really ready to show those escapees what UM really means? Kaiden. Let's just hope that he didn't show that at all, because he got beat up by a girl when Isabel threw him into a wall and helped Phoebe and Wyatt escape. Annie turned quitter when she saw the Hulk, which made her and Natalie be bratty at each other until Annie ran away. Tim and Leda got into a little bit of a scrap which we'll come back to later. Jono and Karla were much more civil than that when they met up during the escape.
And K-Mart tackled Natalie, who had been distracted watching the Hulk hole.... Goodnight everybody!
"But Yakko," you ask, "Seriously, that power dampener thing. That's a huge plot hole!" To which I respond, "No, the Hulk made a huge plot hole. The dampener thing is next in my notes!"
Back inside the school in a hallway filled with lockers, Rebellion, Inc. kids Karla, Sparkle, Frank, Maeby, and their talking bird Ikol found Momoko going full Waddams and trying to burn down the office. Ikol was able to convince her to help them out instead of burning things down, so the kids gave him an Ikol Snack. Which we all know is a thinly veiled drug reference. Don't do drugs, kids!
The rebels met up at Locker 327 and retrieved the detention roster, which also served as the key to dampening powers in detention, so they set THAT on fire. And that's why everything I mentioned before was able to happen. See, it all works out. Well, narratively speaking. In terms of Loyalism.....
Look, I was going to use the crash and burn noise, but a Google search didn't give me anything and there's WAY too many notes to still get through to give a thorough search.
While hanging around the hallway, Karla found Rapunzel and apologized for chopping off her hair during the five minutes she was willingly brought over to the side of the Sweet Ums. Dinah came across Rapunzel, and tried not to laugh at the poor girl who was too traumatized about her hair to help out at all until Dinah prodded her enough. See how cruel these rebels are. Laughing at a poor girl because she got a bad haircut.
Actually, who am I kidding. I'm sure I would have laughed, too.
Of course, Dinah was also bleeding and Rapunzel wasn't being helpful until she was convinced to go find Sam. Wow, when that guy watches your back, he really does it from a distance.
Okay, back to other places around the school with this important note: Hulk smashed. Then Tim and Leda continued to fight. End result? Tim ash. Which of course brings us back to....
YAKKO'S BIG BOARD OF THE GREAT BEYOND
presented by Who's There?, the island's punchline to a joke nobody set up!
RESISTANCE - 1
LOYALIST - 2
Not looking so good for the home team there.
Let's step back outside for a little bit, because while all of that was happening, Tyrion led a group of rebels on yet ANOTHER strike on the school. And this one had weapons. And by explosives, thanks to Ace.
The battle started and I think we can see where this is going at this point. A giant squid gave the Principal's Tower a special hug, the Umbites tried not to lose, Clint shot Tyrion in the face with an arrow, leading Ghanima to stop dancing and start tending to people who've just been shot in the face with an arrow and maybe talk some sense into Clint, who we'll get back to in a minute.
Back to the battle, Sean healed who he could and Kenzi tried to feed the squid.
Let's check back in with Leda who, if you'll remember, charred Tim up pretty good. As it turned out, the newly free Liara was able to get her to calm down a bit, which was nice of her.
Over in the dorms, Bucky stucky up for the dorms by guarding the third floor common room, but Arietty took the fight to him in the form of darts.
But not all of the fighting was done in and around the school. Some of it spread through the town. Like in a warehouse, where Jaime put on some armor and beat up Victor. Or at the edge of the island, where Peter Wiggin and Topher got into a big slapfight (NOTE: there wasn't any slapping, just technology and insults, but that's the same thing). Or the Preserve, When Nature Attacked, lead by Robin the Frog.
Billy Kessler was a one man protest march through the town, but he wasn't exactly a peace-loving hippie. After escaping from detention, Rinoa went a little overboard with the insanity and powers until Shira, Leon, and Angelo talked her down.
Back in the school....
Do you hear that? Don't blink, because that means it's time for everyone's favorite part of the show, Joke Guy on the Hawkeye. That's right, Clint Barton, taking on the world. It's practically a Big Board lightning round! Let's see how he did.
ROUND 1: BARTON VS E. LEVINE: Eve used magic to knock Clint around a bit. NO KILL!
ROUND 2: BARTON VS PRYDE: Everyone's BFF Kitty Pryde didn't even fight. She just let three arrows fly through her. But if she didn't have that phasing power, she'd be dead three times. THREE THEORETICAL KILLS!
ROUND 3: BARTON VS ........ Anyone know her last name? It's not in my... You know what, it's fine, it's fine: Karla threw magic and tried punching him in the head and he ran away. Yikes. Not a good day for Clint Barton. NO KILL!
But there's still time for the MAIN EVENT: BARTON VS ROMANOFF: And... really? The message boards aren't going to like this. Natasha beat him into becoming a traitor to the cause. NO KILL! And the Big Board's best bud is out of the game!
So let's check Clint's final stats: 0 actual kills, 3 theoretical kills, ran away from one girl, got the Um-sense beat out of him by another. Not his best showing.
You know what? Let's check back in with my favorite future Mrs Warner and yours, Bo! She lowered her standards a bit by hanging out with gremlins, which means my chances just got better. But then Cara showed up to get a little bit of private time with Bo, and by that I mean HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NURSES! But it didn't get that far because Cara used something to clear Bo's mind, then broke her neck.
.....
Well, thanks a lot for ruining my shot there, Cara. Not only are you a traitor to the cause, but now you're a bad friend to me.
Let's just move on from that. Effy and Frank found each other as they were both lurking and she figured out that he wasn't really an Umnian. And now the rest of us do, too. Tsk tsk. Rapunzel finally found Sam, so they went to get Dinah and take her for medical help.
But not everything was about fighting today. Like in Tony Stark's room, where Tony watched from a distance and helped Victor get patched up and then some Or there were the Darling twins in 327, who contributed to the cause by staying away from the fighting and watching movies.
Okay, well, I'm all out of notes and you all fell asleep three hours ago, so that's the show. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get airlifted out of here to somewhere safer. I hear the Gaza Strip's nice this time of year. But before I go, some words of wisdom because it's that time again! Time to learn the day's lesson! And to find out what it is, we turn to... The Wheel of Morality!
Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral Number One. And the moral of today's story is... Do yourself a favor and try not to die too much!
Words of wisdom. BYE!
Singers: He was a famous cartoon boy
From out Burbank way
He had a crazy style
He'd make jokes all day
He was the top toon at his craft
But he was needed to teach
Then fights gave his classes the shaft
He's moral support now
Bringing the news, you'll go 'WOW!'
He's the oogie woogie Warner boy on TFH
They gave him a new microphone
And some notes he should've read
In a propaganda style where the rebels
Got knocked down and bled
But they just didn't make him laugh
So he took all the notes
And changed all them to jokes
And now we bring this to you
Maybe not the news that you knew
He's the oogie woogie Warner boy on TFH
A-root a-toot
A-toot diddle-ee-ada-toot
He'll drive you straight to the bar
With silly punchlines
He won't spread the news if it's stuff you can use
It's a warning sign
And now we bring this to you
Maybe not the news that you knew
He's Yakko, the oogie woogie Warner boy on TFH!
Yakko: *sound of golf club swishing through the air* Haha, ladies, you're all right. And speaking of being handsy, see me after the show, okay? Rowr!
I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression from that theme song. I think we all know that I'm on High Inquisitor Umbridge's side. Because if I were on the other side, I'd have to look at what she's wearing! I kid! I kid because I love! Or at least tolerate since you give me so much material, Umbie. But not as much material as it takes to make one of your outfits.
Anyway, the big news of the day is, of course, WAR! But we have mundane stuff to get through first, so let's just put that in your pocket and keep it cool for a while. Don't worry, it'll be there in a few minutes. It might just be pink when the cheap dye in your clothes run.
In the name of chronological order, let's start with detention this morning, where everyone seemed to know something was going to happen and tried to keep busy until it was time. That reeeeeeeeeeeally should've been a sign to the Infallibe Umbie's guards.
But it wasn't, so everything went a lot like my last marriage. Hey-oooo. Let's start with the library, where poor, innocent Cassie defended the place all by herself when newly revealed traitor Bruce Wayne led a big group into battle against her. Cassie took on Ender, which really didn't go well for her. But it means we have an excuse to use a sponsor!
YAKKO'S BIG BOARD OF THE GREAT BEYOND
presented by The Perk, keeping you perky for as long as you live
RESISTANCE - 0
LOYALIST - 1
Remember, the big board works by golf rules, for obvious reasons. That reason being that I love golf!
Despite being a traitor tot her Gloriousness herself, D. Umb... Hey, I just noticed that! A name like that takes Destinee Hooker's parents off the hook for unfortunate naming. But, no, Umbie is very smart and she is our shining pink light. Anyway, Bruce decided to check in on his new best friends, like Rory and Jack Carter once they had the library secure. But just because had the run of the place didn't mean he wasn't going to have people barricade doors and such. Ender - who I hope is ashamed of how he behaved - got to doing some of the grunt work while Spoiler and Spoiler came in to spoiler, and Bruce spoiler spoiler Rory spoiler spoiler spoiler. Sorry, that's all been redacted, loyal Umbridgians! There's more black on that note than in my coffee. Where's the cream already, amirite?
But that was only part of the chaos. The big thing that made buildings shake and raised YAKKO'S TERROR ALERT WARNING presented by Jeff, God of Biscuits, where the donuts aren't the only things that are holy to CALL ME MAYBE was the completely unexpected attack on detention that nobody could have seen coming at all, even if I clearly did earlier in this broadcast. Not to brag or anything.
But I am pretty great.
Oh, hey, some of Umbie's Legion actually did show up for the party, but when the Resistance struck, it struck with the force of something that strikes things pretty hard. And here's where my loyal Loyalist listeners get bored with all of this "this rebel did this" and "this rebel did that" but don't worry, I'm going to make fun of them, too.
So, Hellooooooooo Kitty walked through a wall, took some people out, and tried to convince Bobby to come with instead of just sitting there as a personal freezer unit for his dead girlfriend. But then, UH OH, the power dampener kept her stuck in detention. Well, I'm sure the glory of the big U meant that they couldn't do anything with that, so let's continue without any concerns at all.
Anna used her dead expertise to try to convince Bobby that carrying Sookie's body around was pretty much just the same thing as carrying around a souvenir, which is a little creepy at this level. Jamie was so excited to see Kitty that he tried to hug her. But he looks and probably smells like a crazy hobo, so she used Evade (Phase). Loki and Alex argued about which of them should get to leave because they're still too tiny to channel that into making out. Or at least they would be, if internet fanfiction hadn't lowered the bar for that kind of thing. Shameful. And fun to read because of typos and a lack of understanding of basic grammar. But back to the tiny gods, Kitty said they're both coming with them.
Head prisoner former Principal Zoe coordinated with Kitty to get the prisoners into groups because apparently nobody saw a problem with leaving the former principal with the other prisoners. Now I'm not one to second guess the great and powerful Um, but we probably could hve dropped her in Solitary. But hindsight is 20/20 (especially when it's obvious), so let's not dwell on that. And Dojima took some weapons from Kitty.
But what were other people doing before we get back to Kitty being everyone's best friend? Karla grabbed Cassidy to get her out - hey, wasn't Karla on Team Um for ten seconds? We need background checks. So Raven - hey, an actual person to defend the castle! - came in but Cassidy magicked to get her and Karla out. That's right, the power dampener was out. Why? We'll get to that. Eventually.
Everyone's BFF, Kitty told Jono the escape plan and somehow convinced Stark that she was real instead of stringing him along a little. I mean, c'mon, she can go intangible. It would be no effort to keep him wondering for a bit. Isabel came in with Kitty, and Dinah was giddy to see her. Father Jack - look, his last name's Priest, just go with me here - told Isabel to focus on the injured first, probably as a trial run to see if they could get out without being shot. Very sneaky, Jack. Phoebe totally copied Jack's move, but Isabel didn't listen to her and helped her out. Leon tried to get Rinoa out, but really, he should have called the WAAAAAAAAHmbulance to take her.
But enough of that breaking IN thing. What about the break OUT? Well, I'm glad you asked. As it turned out, the Resistance had a cunning plan of waiting for Raven's hold on Bruce Banner to fade, letting him be mad about it, and turn into the Hulk and make a hole in the wall. It lacks a little something, but it worked for them, I guess. And Lex Luthor blurred the line between faithful devotion to a cause and being reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaally dumb when he got in the Hulk's way and ended up being introduced to a vey nice wall for his troubles.
Once Dinah was out, she started yelling at Madri until they couldn't take the nagging any more, while Calvin had a conversation with a stuffed tiger. I'm not saying he's nuts, but I know people who carry an epipen when they talk to him. Sam had no idea what was going on until Dinah gave him the low down and they agreed to watch out for each other. So next time you see Sam Winchester, be sure to ask him how Kerrigan shot Dinah in the foot. I'm sure he'll have a great story for that.
Rinoa eventually left detention with Leon and immediately embraced having total Sue powers. Um Security officer Bo ignored my most recent proposal and decided to suck Jack Priests' life, which I'll forgive her for as long as that stops once I get that ring on her finger. He apparently didn't die, though, so no Big Board. BREAKING NEWS THAT I CAN DO AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME. Nope, he's dead. Which brings us back to....
YAKKO'S BIG BOARD OF THE GREAT BEYOND
presented by Kwik Stop, where our products are as good as our spelling!
RESISTANCE - 1
LOYALIST - 1
And now back to the original broadcast.
Since they were free, Liara and Jono took some time to give exposition about her powers
You know who was really ready to show those escapees what UM really means? Kaiden. Let's just hope that he didn't show that at all, because he got beat up by a girl when Isabel threw him into a wall and helped Phoebe and Wyatt escape. Annie turned quitter when she saw the Hulk, which made her and Natalie be bratty at each other until Annie ran away. Tim and Leda got into a little bit of a scrap which we'll come back to later. Jono and Karla were much more civil than that when they met up during the escape.
And K-Mart tackled Natalie, who had been distracted watching the Hulk hole.... Goodnight everybody!
"But Yakko," you ask, "Seriously, that power dampener thing. That's a huge plot hole!" To which I respond, "No, the Hulk made a huge plot hole. The dampener thing is next in my notes!"
Back inside the school in a hallway filled with lockers, Rebellion, Inc. kids Karla, Sparkle, Frank, Maeby, and their talking bird Ikol found Momoko going full Waddams and trying to burn down the office. Ikol was able to convince her to help them out instead of burning things down, so the kids gave him an Ikol Snack. Which we all know is a thinly veiled drug reference. Don't do drugs, kids!
The rebels met up at Locker 327 and retrieved the detention roster, which also served as the key to dampening powers in detention, so they set THAT on fire. And that's why everything I mentioned before was able to happen. See, it all works out. Well, narratively speaking. In terms of Loyalism.....
Look, I was going to use the crash and burn noise, but a Google search didn't give me anything and there's WAY too many notes to still get through to give a thorough search.
While hanging around the hallway, Karla found Rapunzel and apologized for chopping off her hair during the five minutes she was willingly brought over to the side of the Sweet Ums. Dinah came across Rapunzel, and tried not to laugh at the poor girl who was too traumatized about her hair to help out at all until Dinah prodded her enough. See how cruel these rebels are. Laughing at a poor girl because she got a bad haircut.
Actually, who am I kidding. I'm sure I would have laughed, too.
Of course, Dinah was also bleeding and Rapunzel wasn't being helpful until she was convinced to go find Sam. Wow, when that guy watches your back, he really does it from a distance.
Okay, back to other places around the school with this important note: Hulk smashed. Then Tim and Leda continued to fight. End result? Tim ash. Which of course brings us back to....
YAKKO'S BIG BOARD OF THE GREAT BEYOND
presented by Who's There?, the island's punchline to a joke nobody set up!
RESISTANCE - 1
LOYALIST - 2
Not looking so good for the home team there.
Let's step back outside for a little bit, because while all of that was happening, Tyrion led a group of rebels on yet ANOTHER strike on the school. And this one had weapons. And by explosives, thanks to Ace.
The battle started and I think we can see where this is going at this point. A giant squid gave the Principal's Tower a special hug, the Umbites tried not to lose, Clint shot Tyrion in the face with an arrow, leading Ghanima to stop dancing and start tending to people who've just been shot in the face with an arrow and maybe talk some sense into Clint, who we'll get back to in a minute.
Back to the battle, Sean healed who he could and Kenzi tried to feed the squid.
Let's check back in with Leda who, if you'll remember, charred Tim up pretty good. As it turned out, the newly free Liara was able to get her to calm down a bit, which was nice of her.
Over in the dorms, Bucky stucky up for the dorms by guarding the third floor common room, but Arietty took the fight to him in the form of darts.
But not all of the fighting was done in and around the school. Some of it spread through the town. Like in a warehouse, where Jaime put on some armor and beat up Victor. Or at the edge of the island, where Peter Wiggin and Topher got into a big slapfight (NOTE: there wasn't any slapping, just technology and insults, but that's the same thing). Or the Preserve, When Nature Attacked, lead by Robin the Frog.
Billy Kessler was a one man protest march through the town, but he wasn't exactly a peace-loving hippie. After escaping from detention, Rinoa went a little overboard with the insanity and powers until Shira, Leon, and Angelo talked her down.
Back in the school....
Do you hear that? Don't blink, because that means it's time for everyone's favorite part of the show, Joke Guy on the Hawkeye. That's right, Clint Barton, taking on the world. It's practically a Big Board lightning round! Let's see how he did.
ROUND 1: BARTON VS E. LEVINE: Eve used magic to knock Clint around a bit. NO KILL!
ROUND 2: BARTON VS PRYDE: Everyone's BFF Kitty Pryde didn't even fight. She just let three arrows fly through her. But if she didn't have that phasing power, she'd be dead three times. THREE THEORETICAL KILLS!
ROUND 3: BARTON VS ........ Anyone know her last name? It's not in my... You know what, it's fine, it's fine: Karla threw magic and tried punching him in the head and he ran away. Yikes. Not a good day for Clint Barton. NO KILL!
But there's still time for the MAIN EVENT: BARTON VS ROMANOFF: And... really? The message boards aren't going to like this. Natasha beat him into becoming a traitor to the cause. NO KILL! And the Big Board's best bud is out of the game!
So let's check Clint's final stats: 0 actual kills, 3 theoretical kills, ran away from one girl, got the Um-sense beat out of him by another. Not his best showing.
You know what? Let's check back in with my favorite future Mrs Warner and yours, Bo! She lowered her standards a bit by hanging out with gremlins, which means my chances just got better. But then Cara showed up to get a little bit of private time with Bo, and by that I mean HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NURSES! But it didn't get that far because Cara used something to clear Bo's mind, then broke her neck.
.....
Well, thanks a lot for ruining my shot there, Cara. Not only are you a traitor to the cause, but now you're a bad friend to me.
Let's just move on from that. Effy and Frank found each other as they were both lurking and she figured out that he wasn't really an Umnian. And now the rest of us do, too. Tsk tsk. Rapunzel finally found Sam, so they went to get Dinah and take her for medical help.
But not everything was about fighting today. Like in Tony Stark's room, where Tony watched from a distance and helped Victor get patched up and then some Or there were the Darling twins in 327, who contributed to the cause by staying away from the fighting and watching movies.
Okay, well, I'm all out of notes and you all fell asleep three hours ago, so that's the show. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get airlifted out of here to somewhere safer. I hear the Gaza Strip's nice this time of year. But before I go, some words of wisdom because it's that time again! Time to learn the day's lesson! And to find out what it is, we turn to... The Wheel of Morality!
Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn. Tell us the lesson that we should learn. Moral Number One. And the moral of today's story is... Do yourself a favor and try not to die too much!
Words of wisdom. BYE!
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
SO MUCH