Fandom Radio, Saturday, February 18th

[zetabetabrat.livejournal.com]

Rebecca: You know, for a radio booth run by squirrels, I sort of thought it'd be more interesting.

Peter: I’m terribly sorry it isn’t up to your exacting standards.

Rebecca: I think I'll find the will to go on.

Peter: You’d better. You made me oversleep.

Rebecca: ...thank you!

Peter: Not really. Also, I think at this point, the sight - or thought - of you would make Topher cry. Anyway, let’s move on, shall we?

SCHOOL

Rebecca: Ahem. In The Art of Scrap, Mr. McCoppin talked about color theory and color wheels. Apparently there was paint and a lecture. Sounds pretty routine.

In Leadership, we were given thousand-piece puzzles to do. What Mr. Summers neglected to mention in his lecture, of course, was that three pieces from every puzzle had been switched with pieces from another group. This would've been very helpful to know at the time. Karla worked with Jack Carter and suspected a catch, and Warren blamed his skill with puzzles on a very dull childhood. Sounds like it.

Peter: They’re decent brain-training, if nothing else.

Rebecca: Why am I not surprised you'd say that?

Peter: Sorry I didn’t spend my childhood crashing parties and watching exciting movies about men trying to blow each other up?

Rebecca: Oh, right, as if I would ever sit through an action movie.

Everyday Skills had a water fight. There were water balloons dumped on us -- which for some reason Stephanie and Rapunzel appeared to appreciate -- and then a water fight ensued that apparently disturbed Juliet's hair. I sympathize.

Peter: If you have some kind of strange hair-care bond between the two of you, I’m not interested.

Rebecca: Please. And Wesley spent his library shift alphabetizing. And everyone's life has improved now that we know that.

DORMS

Peter: All right, so in the dorms, that hub of crawling teenage hormones, Bruce chose to put his heterosexuality on display by hosting a guys-only shirts-optional party. Yes, Bruce, let’s take back ‘being around shirtless men’ for the straight male crowd, shall we.

Rebecca: Can't say I'm complaining.

Peter: You, and many other girls, if these notes are anything to go by... Tony chose to keep his shirt firmly on, and we’re all grateful for it, though Bruce might have cried manly tears of manliness. Though Tony kind of ruins it by admitting he was glad not to be around girls for the night. Topher was rather a lot more heartbroken about the not-shirtless Tony thing, and no one was surprised. Then he finds out that Tony had sex with his girlfriend, and we’re all terribly shocked.

Rebecca: So that's his deal. Here I thought he had a thing for you.

Peter: Ew. No.

Rebecca: If you say so.

Peter: I suddenly am in desperate need of a shower. Meanwhile, Matt had absolutely no trouble taking his shirt off, not even in front of Stark. Score one for heterosexuality. Bobby marveled over Bruce’s party-throwing skills - I hear money works wonders - and then talked to Tony about turning Topher into a blue-tutu’d penguin. I think someone put something in the water. Either way, another shocker ensues, as Topher turns out not to be terribly into that idea.

Rebecca: And here I thought he could really pull off taffeta. I'm shocked.

Peter: Even Topher wouldn’t get conned into taffeta.Though then again, this is Topher, who thought he was clever when he realized this was a party. Bruce was duly impressed. Then, of course, followed the parade of women who inevitably show up to males-only affairs, such as Kate, though she wore a hood and did not surprise-flash Tony, thus ameliorating the impact of her presence. I miss Valentine. Bruce was happy to see Kate, and they talked about whatever the other party was doing. Presumably, also dealing with boys trying to sneak in. Toby offered Kate his assistance in figuring out gender-neutral clothes for the next time she sneaked into a men’s only club and attempted to avoid - gasp - scandalizing the men. Like Stacey didn’t. Scandal.

Rebecca: You know, I have to say, boys showing up in disguise might've really completed the community center slumber party experience. Or at least made it into more of a porno. Shame.

Peter: Crying buckets, Rebecca? It’ll be okay.

Oh, and Matt recognized Kate’s voice. Moving on to other women who snuck into the guys’ only party, Stacey got called on not having an invitation by Bruce, who let her in anyway. I’m starting to think the haze of homoeroticism hanging around this men’s only shirtless party was really just intended to attract girls. It’s nice to know someone’s making the week work for them.

Rebecca: Well, for those of us who feel the need to crash guys' parties, at any rate.

Peter: I suppose you’re above that.

Rebecca: Well, naturally.

Peter: Naturally. Toby was unsure about the ‘taking your shirt off’ thing, but Bruce assured him it was optional. Unlike at picnics in winter. Stacey put in an effort to convince him otherwise, but failed. Lion-O also showed up, celebrating the absence of females because they caused awkward feelings in his loins. And Cara turned up after that, hunting the elusive shirtless male. Sadly, the only one who could put claim to that title was Matt, but I’m sure she made do.

Rebecca: She certainly seems resourceful enough.

Peter: Elsewhere at the dorms party, Topher, who thankfully hadn’t taken his shirt off, decided to mute all the other TVs so he could watch Space Battles. Toph? You’re not making any friends. Like Stacey, who was a little annoyed that she couldn’t a musical on TV. Oh, and Stacey? Tony is dating Stephanie, not Billy. Just helping that out of the world.

Topher then played keep-away with the remote with Jack, but Jack managed to get out with the prize by stuffing it down his pants. Also known as ‘the deep darkness that Topher dare not venture into on any man’.

Oh, and Britta, our resident anarchist, chose to spend the night up on the roof because she was too cool for either party. You fight the power, Britta.

Rebecca: Meanwhile, in his room, my cohost Peter here was apparently having difficulty concentrating on his work to the point that he nearly threw his desk at the wall. Oh, really now?

Peter: ‘Desk’ is another word for computer interface where I’m from. It’s not nearly as dramatic as it sounds. Except it totally is.

Rebecca: Oh, of course, of course. We all almost throw our laptops at walls. At any rate, Daenerys stopped by, and they discussed frustration and politics. Sounds like a fun chat.

Peter: She’s an interesting girl.

Rebecca: Hanna was on the phone a lot during the afternoon. Later, Annie, whose body I'm now thrilled to be walking around in, took a walk through the dorms and discovered Butters there. Singing. This ended with her pulling him into a closet. And yet Annie felt fine criticizing my sexual choices on the radio yesterday. Interesting!

Peter: That reminds me, I need to head to the clinic for a check-up when we’re done here.

Rebecca: Oh, please. And late last night, when I got back from the slumber party, Peter here stopped by. And I'd say we spent a pleasant evening together, wouldn't you?

Peter: I’ll let you know after I get back from the clinic.

Rebecca: Planning to stop by again so soon? Why, Peter.

Peter: I was being facetious. About the part where I’d let you know, not the part where I’m going to the clinic. You should, too.

Rebecca: Well, if Annie happens to be listening and is in need of an activity this afternoon, there's always that.

TOWN

Peter: Bod was distracted at work - name someone who wasn’t - and the squirrels immediately oblige by mentioning Hope who was, quote unquote, productive. Reports are vague on how productive Detective Audrey was. Seifer was in a decent mood, but that didn’t inspire him to share many details with Karla when she stopped by. And then Kenzi came by with a lot of details nobody really needs.

Toby used dishwashing to concentrate - now there’s a novel idea - Kenzi... had more stuff going on nobody really needs to know about, and Kitty was quickly discouraged from hitting on Tino due to his choice in drinks.

Rebecca: And at the community center, Tara and Karla hosted a slumber party. There was mingling, during which the hostesses applauded their own party-planning skills. Darcy was fed an eclair by Karla, and Cassidy and Karla discussed Cassidy's crush on Bruce. And now we all know! For the record, Bruce is awesome in bed.

Peter: For the record, nobody cares.

Rebecca: With the exception of Cassidy. Lucrezia and Daenerys talked about how new they were to sleepovers -- I promise, the pillow fights are a myth -- and then Daenerys talked to Karla about her... dead husband. Okay!

Surreal was hanging out off to the side, and complained with Karla about a pair of brothers they know from home. And then I came over and we... interacted. Yes.

Peter: Please tell me ‘interacted’ isn’t slang for ‘made out with’.

Rebecca: A lady never tells.

Peter: I’ll ask if the clinic stocks tongue bleach.

Rebecca: I promise, Peter, cooties aren't real. Hanna was there too, and the squirrel mentions that her pajamas were very cute. So now we all know. She and Elphaba exchanged requisite compliments, and eventually began complaining about the week. I don't know, I don't really think any of us have too much to complain about.

Peter: Beyond the fact that nobody’s been getting anything done...

Rebecca: I don't know what you're talking about. I've been perfectly productive this week!

Peter: I wouldn’t call sleeping with every warm body in Fandom ‘productive’, but if it works for you.

Rebecca: Actually, I was talking more about my homework, volunteer work and arranging my schedule! But what a fascinating insight into where your mind goes.

Peter: I’m shocked you had that kind of time.

Rebecca: What can I say? I'm organized. Elphaba was there as well, and Karla hurried to come greet her. Elphaba apparently thought this was some horrible plot to induce socialization. I'm not sure you're really on track there, Elphaba. And Lucrezia also joined the arrivals, and was greeted by Hayley, who Karla was quick to inform that it was 'shot o'clock.' I didn't see any shots. Hmph.

Peter: And we’re all terribly grateful for it.

Rebecca: And there was Spin the Bottle, as well, which I'm sure you're all very eager to hear about, I think I'll leave it at the fact that Dany, Karla, Tara, Lucrezia and I were playing. The rest you'll have to fill in for yourselves. I'm sure my co-host especially is so broken up about it.

Peter: Oh, terribly. Truth or Dare, that most classy of party games, was also a feature, naturally. My co-host who was inhabiting a different body at the time... asked Quinn what the worst question anyone could ask her was. We’ll employ some discretion about her answer, shall we? Karla was dared to dance ‘appropriately’ to a song I won’t name, but thank you, Rebecca, that mental image is never leaving my brain and I desperately want it to.

Rebecca: Remember, she was in pajamas at the time.

Peter: My point stands. Another question asked of Karla that nobody needed answered was what she’d thought the first time she saw her boyfriend naked. Apparently it involved laughter. Ouch. Karla asked Daenerys about her favorite sexual position... do we really have to keep reporting on this party? I’m sure the girls would like to call discretion on this one.

Rebecca: How unexpectedly thoughtful of you!

Peter: What can I say; I’m a thoughtful man.

Rebecca: Oh, clearly.

Peter: Karla dared Elphaba to do a body shot - okay, then - and Kenzi wanted to know who Lucrezia would ‘hook up with’ if given the chance and no consequences. Then Kenzi asked Karla a question I’ll refrain from going into because there’s a limit to what we can say on the radio. And to no doubt the joy of my brother, his friend Cassidy learned how to play strip poker from Surreal.

Rebecca: Seriously? I think even I have to draw the line at strip poker at a high school slumber party.

Peter: I neither agree nor disagree with anything Rebecca just said, Surreal.

Just to round out the top three of gaudy party games, Never Have I Ever was last. Karla admitted to having never kissed fifteen people in one day. I’m sure we’re all terribly grateful. Lucrezia had never had sex with a member of the clergy, and Dany had never had sex with someone she wasn’t married to. And now that we know who everyone hasn’t had sex with, I think we can move on.


Rebecca: Not the most fascinating news items you've ever had to report? I'm shocked.

Peter: As much of a shock as it might seem, I don’t really give a shit who is or isn’t doing who.

Rebecca: I assure you, it shows.

Peter: But for the record, I hope whoever is doing who is happy to be doing them. That was it for today’s broadcast; this was Peter Wiggin and Rebecca Logan, currently not quite in the flesh.