Fandom Radio, August 6

[connernotconnor.livejournal.com]

CONNER: Hey there, Fandom! Conner with an E-R McKnight here with you on a Sunday evening, and I'm hijacking the airwaves to bring you something new, different, and hopefully totally mindblowing. So first, I 'd like to introduce you to my gorgeous new co-host, Maureen Johnson.

MAUREEN: Hello, Fandom! I've been here for two weeks and had no idea there was a radio station. Luckily, I've made the acquaintance of Conner with an E-R and found my way here. We're going to have fun tonight!

CONNER: Are we really?

MAUREEN: You know it, cutie.

CONNER: Oooh. Just keep talking. Anyway, hopefully we can spice up your lives tonight with a little performance we like to call . . . what are we calling it?

MAUREEN: We're going to take them... over the moon.

CONNER: Maybe we should wait until the end of the broadcast for that?

MAUREEN: It's a state of mind, Conner. We couldn't physically take them over the moon.

CONNER: Ohhhhhhh. Gotcha. Anyway, here we go.

Walls Ain't So Bad

MAUREEN: So I just read these notes?

CONNER: In theory, yeah. But I'd love to see you do your artistic interpretation of them. You gotta impress the audience here!

MAUREEN: Okay, well then. Someone named Dawn was mopey in the third floor common room. It doesn't say why, but if I had to guess, it's because she was left out of whatever kinky sex games Walter and Angela and Joxer are playing. I've heard of role-playing, but from the looks of these notes, you kids are taking it to extremes.

CONNER: Oh, believe me, you haven't seen the beginning of it. I mean. Not that I'd know. Angela-Joxer complained to Dawn about being a weak girl. Do we even have those around here? And talk about kinky, Molly was telling Dawn about doing something to wolverine butts.

MAUREEN: What kind of school is that anyway? Oh, hey, this is normal. Pippi was upset about not going to Disneyland with Demyx. Walter who is Angela, whatever that means, was upset about serving detention, procured Pippi's help with getting new clothes and turned down girlkissy from Joxer who is Tempe. Is that what I think it is? Cause if it is? Honey, you shouldn't have turned it down.

CONNER: Yeah, but Joxer? Dude. And Seras, who is Zero, so I'll just call her Zeras, had pink hair and, um, a stomachful of chocolate cereal. That's . . . congratulations? Pippi dug the hair, anyway.

MAUREEN: It says here that Joxer who is Tempe was shy and sat in a corner. But offering girlkissy to people isn't shy and I think you should offer it to more people, sweetie. Peter Parker who is Walter decided to confuse people. That wasn't very nice. Aeryn and Dawn discussed princesses and bunny reproduction. And as much reproducing as you kids seem to do, I'm really surprised there's no day care around.

CONNER: I guess we just get lucky when we get lucky? Or we're careful. Um. *coughs* Yes. Aeryn who is as far as I can tell Aeryn isn't so big on metaphors, as Pippi found out. Aren't metaphors a big art thing, Maureen? And Z who is Chloe but still hot, was looking for her body. I could say something about that here but I usually get slapped for it.

MAUREEN: Yes, metaphors are a wonderful way to get a point across. And if I could just take a moment to make a quick PSA. Girls? The best way to not get pregnant? Is to sleep with other girls.

CONNER: Ooooh. Hot.

MAUREEN: It doesn't seem that warm in here to me. Anyway, Hamlet in Nadia was brooding in the Fifth Floor Common Room. You all do things like that in public?

CONNER: You'd be amazed. Too bad they won't let you on campus. I think you'd approve. But Hamlet-Nadia thanked Pippi for the loan of the room, which I guess in this case was performance space, and Phoebazor -- hey, that sounds like the name of a monster that I . . .never mind, had a theory on the whole weird switchy thing that Hamlet-Nadia broke. And Briar is in Lana, which sounds dirty but probably isn't. He, or she -- oh, does it really matter at this point? -- flirted with Phoebazor, met Hamlet-Nadia, and helped out with Pippi's theory.

MAUREEN: It sounds like you have a lot of gender confused students here. I wish you all could have met my friend Angel. He was the prettiest drag queen.

CONNER: Hey, is that the same Angel people around here talk about? 'cause it sounds like he could be . . .

MAUREEN: Oh, I don't know. Maybe? I don't know where he was from before we met.

CONNER: And yeah, in the second floor common room Anders was watching Eddie Izzard. Speaking of drag queens -- no, wait, he's an executive transvestite. There's a difference. I wonder if some of our bodyswap people are executive transvestites in training? Bridge was there and found out that me and Anders broke up -- don't kill me, Bridge!

MAUREEN: You and your boy broke up? You poor thing. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?

CONNER: We could . . . go over the moon? Xander, Harris and not Bly, was there too, because Bridge was there. It's like a cosmic rule, man. Anders asked Xander if there are evil herbivores, and dude, of course there are. If there can be an evil crossbreed between a donkey and a vacuum cleaner, there can be evil herbivores. It's weird kissing people with your own face, which Anders and Phoebazor talked about. I could do that! Except the only other person I know of who has my face is my twin brother, and ew, no. Anders and Callisto shared their experiences with Willow in a towel. Dude, you rebound fast. It's insane. And Callisto and Phoebazor were arguing about Angel's taste in people.

MAUREEN: If they're talking about my Angel, he has impeccable taste in everything.

CONNER: Angela who thinks she's Joxer and Marty who thinks he's Willow were there, and then there was KFC chicken. And bunnies.

MAUREEN: And in the hallways Willow-as-Nadia was naked in a flag to cure emo. I'm not sure what emo is, but I like the way that girl thinks. Phoebe in Bel was concerned that it violated someone named Cole's promise to watch over Willow though. Is that some sort of kinky master/slave thing? Cally wanted to know if Willow-as-Nadia lost a bet. Anders freaked out. Oh, maybe it's not such a good idea for all of us to have some fun then, Conner. Which I guess is out of the question now anyway.

CONNER: Well . . . it's not entirely out of the question . . .

MAUREEN: Oh, it's good to be friendly with your exes. You never know when you might need their help. Al wanted to know if there was alcohol involved. Oh, baby, you don't need alcohol to have a good time. Just an open mind. Pippi joined the anti-emo quest. Does that mean she got naked too? Damn, I wish I was allowed in the dorms. Marty-in-Chloe said the emo was definitely cured. I guess that means he/she agreed with Hamlet-in-Nadia who wanted Nadia-in-Willow to put clothes on. What is wrong with the boys here that they don't enjoy seeing naked girls?

CONNER: Hey, don't speak for me on that.

MAUREEN: Walter-in-Peter Parker found his girlfriend. And Callisto was all double yew-tee-eff. What's that mean?

CONNER: I have no idea. I think it's code for something. Possibly "There's a monster eating my face," but probably not.

MAUREEN: Oh, maybe it's a safe word.

CONNER: A what?

MAUREEN: Oh, sweetie, you have so much to learn.

CONNER: I totally have a studious side. I swear.

MAUREEN: Willingness to learn goes a long way.

CONNER: In other news around the dorms today, Anders dropped by to see Cally, and probably told her I broke up with him, except he totally broke up with me first. Or about that weird dream he had. He kicks in his sleep when he has those, so I knew about that. Pippi visited Angela-Walter, Tyler still thought he was Z, and no offense, man? The actual Z's kind of hotter. I got email from home! That was exciting, and kind of artsy, because it was from a musician friend. Dean and Sam switched bodies with each other, which I bet was fun to explain to their dad when he called. Jaye called her sister, and River wrote home. I love how all our correspondence makes news. But then, communication is important, don't you think, Maureen?

MAUREEN: It's the most important thing, Conner with an E-R.

CONNER: I love it when you call me that.

MAUREEN: You're so cute.

CONNER: Hey, it takes effort to be this cute. Dean-in-Sam, and please do not let my brain go those places, talked to Alec about the whole swap thing, and Willow-in-Marty talked to Marie while she was getting ready for her date. Which will hopefully not involve ice cream. Marie, have I mentioned I'm really, really sorry about that? But it did involve Kawalsky, who was at least over his hangover.

Not in MY Backyard, Utensils

MAUREEN: In town today, Jane took a bath and then opened All & Sundries. There was brunch at J,GOB but no one went. Kawalsky and Cam woke up together and there’s something here about rocky bits but I’m pretty sure talking about that violates some FCC codes. It didn’t stop Kawalsky from taking Marie bowling though.

CONNER: And I'm glad I didn't think of the bowling thing, because ow.

MAUREEN: I take it you dated Marie and it didn't go well?

CONNER: *nervous laughter* You could say that.

MAUREEN: Well, as long as you’re all honest with each other about who you’re with, there’s no problem with multiple partners. It kind of surprises me that the clinic was so quiet though. You should all be in there getting tested and making Trevor and Stark work instead of sitting on their asses eating. Of course, this has totally enlightened me to why there’s never anything going on in this town, which I was discussing with GOB at Caritas earlier. You’re all too busy having sex. GOB also bonded with Jane. I bet she needs another bath after that. Alanna who is Zack and Jamie who is Hamlet talked about being in the wrong bodies. It’s never the wrong body if it feels good, kids. Oh, and Conner and I talked about performance art and he recruited me for this gig. But I think we’re done because there are no more notes.

CONNER: So about that moon thing . . .

MAUREEN: Yeah, I think people here might not need help with that. Where were kids like you when I was in high school?

CONNER: Probably here. And we are out of news for tonight, but it feels like something's missing somehow.

MAUREEN: Like what, cutie?

CONNER: I don't -- hey, what's this button do? *prerecorded banthabell clang*

MAUREEN: Oh wow! We really did go over the moon!

CONNER: Whoa. That was fast.

MAUREEN: I told you, Conner with an E-R, it's all about opening your mind to new experiences. And this was definitely a fun and new experience for me.

CONNER: *long pause* Right. Um. Right back at you, Maureen. So, uh, that's all from us tonight, Fandom. Have fun going over the moon, no matter whose body you're in right now!

[OOC: Much love to dramaqmaureen for anchoring tonight! I'm just the co-host.]