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fandom_radio2011-09-12 04:12 pm
capt-maxfactor.livejournal.com) wrote in fandom_radio2011-09-12 04:12 pm
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Pirate Radio [Monday, September 12, 2011]
Good morning, Fandom! Is anyone out from under their beds yet?
Didn't think so. And remember, I am a captain, so that marriage was legally binding. Except we weren't on a boat. But details! On to yer wonderfully wacky escapades yesterday!
Mine weren't wacky. I was amazing.
In the dorms, Miley was arguing with her alternative self, Hannah-with-an-H, complete with wigs and costume changes. That is dedicated. Hannah won, apparently, and began cutting up pictures of Miley until Dave came over to tell her--them?--to turn the music down, which led t' make outs--as so often happened this weekend--until Miley showed back up and kicked Dave out. Everyone follow that? Me either. It's too early for flowcharts, savvy? Percy was enjoying a donut he was deprived of as a child until Luke--not the Skywalker--came by to taunt him about making out with someone with boobs, so Percy killed him and stuffed him under the bed. Someone check on Luke this morning? Ender--recast yet again--was sighing mournfully out o' his window before his wedding--we'll get to that later--and Ben in his cunning Benina disguise stopped below the building to yell up that Ender shouldn't marry Tony and that the Taiwanese hookers were a setup. Ender's brother Peter and his genuine Bavarian accent stopped over t' tell Ender that he shouldn't marry Tony either because they should keep it in the family instead, and Karla Skywalker also made the case for her heartbroken newly found brother.
Nate, dead Nathan's twin brother, came to claim dead Nathan's body but it didn't exist--
*DUNDUNDUN*
--because he was really Nathan in a new body! That happens a lot around here, aye? Bod regained his memory and vowed vengeance against all twins, which no one told Juliet--not Skywalker--before she went up on the roof and got pushed from it! That brings us to a death count o' two. It will only get higher. Susan and Toby had the same idea about hiding in their rooms until th' insanity wore off me notes say only Toby had porn.
Dave threw a rave with the coffee beans he got from Anakin Skywalker over at the weddings of the century that afternoon, where people mingled, as I suppose you do at a rave. He convinced Annie to try coffee, though she doesn't usually, and Princess Rilla got coffee, and ogled--who wouldn't get ogled in that dress--and a dance with Dave. Annie also hyperly told Rilla that was just the sort of dress she'd worn in her stripping days, so now ye all have an idea what the dress looked like, savvy? Dave told Percy they were celebrating the return of coffee, and then Percy offered him a job--barista?--before buying some alcohol from Annie. Dave offered Katenka some coffee and assured her that it would cheer her up, and then Annie told her that whoever had lied to her--hopefully not Dave about th' coffee--was clearly the lesser person. Hank showed up in glow-in-the-dark rave costumin' and Dave checked t' be sure he wasn't a prostitute before Annie could gush about his outfit. There was also dancing, and an additional coffee bar where Annie overdosed on coffee and died. Dave dragged her body to a storage closet and that brings our body count to three.
And Jack Carter and Columbus Ohio were tryin' t' capture people for their own good in the dorm lobby late last evening. Their conquests included Scully, who then gave birth to an alien baby after yelling at Bruce about his getting married to Lucrezia Borgia, and Alex Cabot, who they presumed was in a coma. But she wasn't! She was dead, so that's four.
In the clinic, the mysterious Dr. Stark--no relation--was on call. Tara learned that she wasn't pregnant, but she did have cancer, intern Annie was there for all of yer needs and Scully was very pregnant--though ye know that changed--and chased by floatin' objects.
In town, Jaina sat by her window in her lingerie before her part of the wedding of the century before she was interrupted by Talyn Sun-Crichton, rogue cop, there to threaten her and her family. She punched him. Her grandfather was also by for the traditional family threats before nuptuals, and Lucrezia offered Jaina the changce to have the Skywalkers advise the Pope with only very minimal strings attached. I'm sure we all agree that be a fantastic idea.
Bruce woke up in the Arms, poisoned but not dead, before answering the door for room service to find his long-lost son Wade who shot him in the spleen and left him to die before threatening to do the same for his mother! Wade's, not Bruce's, and that brings the body count to four and a half. Jack Priest, Vampire, cackled to himself in his own masouleum--nice touch--before turning Katherine into a vampire like him on the promise that they will see Paris. Is that all it takes?
Kate Daniels was in the park in the morning in time t' see Peter come past kicking a puppy. He zeroed in on her plastic surgery 'n blackmailed her into being one of his minions. Well played, sir. Zoe's quiet and illicit cup of coffee was interrupted by Jan Summers who wept about how no one understood her. Join the parade, wench. Zayne was whistling innocenty as the Droid Humping Imporium opened for business, but DA Luke Skywalker was more interested in hearing about the suspicious death of his colleague Alex than noticing th' disturbing sex happenin' around him.
Pinkie Pie was preaching how love fer Princess Celestia could end hunger and disease, which got not-quite-dead Dolf's attention. Gabrielle wanted t' leave fer Equestria right that second, and Jason declared no place t' be that perfect. Hercules and Hank had an impassioned conversation in Spanish at the lighthouse, but alas, the squirrels don't speak Spanish. I declare that it was about paella, or perhaps Pizarro's pies. At MHA, Alistair was normal, if a man who was making his own sock puppet theater fer entertainment can be considered normal. Bobby Drake waited for his Other One True Love--Angelica--so they could proclaim how they could never be together just before the commercial break.
*pause*
Oh, not our commercial break. The church was busy, as church tends to be on these sorts o' weekends, wit' Kenzi there to confess her sins after a brief runthrough wit' Cindy about her motivation, many, many Hanks arrive to tell God they are the One, and then Lucrezia and Jeremy arrived t' get married--after some quick costume change assistance from Cindy, o' course.
Jeremy met his new wife Lucrezia, who was Bruce's old wife Lucrezia, for a picnic. Their merriment was shortlived as Lucrezia poisoned him, bringing our death total to five and a half. Then Juliet, who died in the dorms later, cried over her dead brother while Hannah-with-an-H helpfully told her that's what he deserved for being nice to Miley. Lucrezia, never you fear, moved right along t' marrying Jonothan Evan Starsmore.
And speaking of Miley, she had a concert in an arena we don't have this morning, and people arrived, as they are wont to do. Cindy gave her some quick pole dancing lessons before the show began! After the show, Hannah-with-an-H told Kenzi that she's done with Miley and is ready to be photographed by Annie Liebowitz and get a girlfriend.
Miley wasn't the only concert in town today: Jonothan Evan Starsmore gave a benefit concert for the orphan children of Madripoor at the Boards. The guests gathered 'n nibbled on--French whores--where Tara was very happy to share that she wasn't pregnant, she just had cancer. Congratulations? She celebrated by making out with Jono before Raven propositioned him. I should have learned an instrument. Backup dancer and secret bodyguard--though secret no longer--Surreal was upset that Jono kept stealing her costumes.
And Hank yelled "Freebird" because at every concert, there's that man. Even in the 1700s before Freebird. After the concert, Jono has his way with both Tara and Raven but not together because we weren't on HBO.
Alex Cabot was not dead at the Perk, and the following people didn't have one-sided conversations with said not-dead person. Because that would be creepy, savvy? Sue, Marshall, and GOB, I'm judging all o' ye. Percy just spilled chocolate milk on her. A gremlin tried t' bite her and got nowhere. Hanna was at the Perk for a coffee, trailed by an unseen figure except that the squirrels saw it or else I wouldn't be saying anything--
*chittering*
Unknown! Oh, that makes more sense. Fer given value of sense this morning. Hank accused Bod of killing Polly Prissypants, and Mercedes Thompson, Rodeo Star, was trying t' trip people at J, GOB.
And at the Wedding of the Century (subject to revision) everyone arrived.
*more chittering* FINE. I'll read the names. But I need rum. Jonothan Evan Starsmore was there and Lucrezia vowed her eternal love to him as Jeremy lay cooling by their picnic. Luke Skywalker was confronted by his long-lost daughter, Warren discussed politics over "Water" with Natalie, and then discovered his long lost child bride, who was dying of poisoning because of a new script rewrite. Dave bought coffee from Anakin, Karla 'n Nate had healin' sex t' help her recover from being chased by assassins yesterday, and Nate got t' tell Topher that if he thought Tony really loved him, Topher was delusional. Topher 'n Kenzi plotted t' ruin the wedding--it was, but I don't think it was entirely them--and Peter taunted Topher with a secret. Sam 'n Natalie bickered about who was working for whom, which led t' making out, and Kenzi was glad t' see that Toby wasn't drowned. Were we worried about that?
Behind the scenes, Tony and Topher quarreled about Tony's Skywalker obsession, Howard finished a phone call t' discuss matters with Charles, Ben pleaded in vain fer Ender t' change his mind, and Jaina 'n Kennedy had sex.
*brief pause*
Movin' past that lovely image, the wedding party was made t' feel welcome, with Ender 'n Kenzi talkin' in Very Authentic Accents about what a good friend she'd been t' the Wiggins-es-es. I think that got away from me. Bruce--who was not so dead, so erase that half from yer death counts--warned Quinn about how their son, Li'l Wadey was back 'n tryin' t' kill them, Kenzi told Quinn her inability t' keep a man was a result of a gypsy curse, and Quinn 'n Ender talked of happier times. Than a wedding. Ye are very depressing people.
I presided over both events, with Jaina 'n Howard going first. Howard, tragically, passed away right after sayin' I do--I still want five percent, Jaina, I don't care if we were a bit mad at th' time--bringing our death count t' six. Steve told her that unfortunately her name had been misspelled in the will, unless perhaps she was carrying an heir? Jaina, naturally, said she was. Ender 'n Tony's nuptuals were interrupted by Ben 'n Kenzi layin' bare Tony's indiscretions, and then by Ben being shot in the head. And then by Tony's not-as-dead-as-we'd-thought wife Stephanie. Ender wisely chose to run off wit' Quinn. On a white horse. T' Taylor Swift.
*sounds of drinking*
Death count: seven. Jonothan Evan Starsmore performed--while also performing across town because who cared about continuity--and Cindy caught him up on his plotlines while Toby cried on Kenzi about a river. And Warren caught up with Tyrion, that fiendish assassin, and they were about t' kill each other when Dolf shot at Tyrion while babbling about Princess Celestia. Tyrion shot back and missed. Warren shot at Tyrion and didn't miss. Death count: eight! Take a shot!
*chittering*
No, I don't care how early 'tis.
And this evening, Deb and John Mitchell met in an alley where they had sex after Mitchell checked t' learn his mother's last words.
*frantic chittering*
Deb was not his mother. Hanna-without-an-H met up with her creepy stalker Hermione, which led t' a catfight and them both going over the cliff. That brings the death count nine.
Jessica was in the park last night embracing her vampire side, t' the great misfortune of Zayne who got killed, bringing our total up t' ten, and Jack Priest encouraged Jessica in enjoying being vampiiiiiire. I have naught an idea why I said it that way.
And finally, there were a meeting at the Skywalker Diamond Mine that also doesn't exist this morning, so don't go looking, I already have. Cindy explained Tara's motivation t' her before Bruce asked that if diamonds are a girl's best friend, did that mean Tara was visiting friends? Did that work? Anakin checked that Zoe wasn't the one who shot Ben at the wedding before they found common ground in agreeing those weddings were better than Luke and Grace--who is a toddler, Luke, and I'm a pirate wit' no standards--being together.
And then Ben--who wasn't really dead after all, so take a death away--and Tony came in with a fiendish plan t' blow up the mine! Only it didn't blow up because Ben had double crossed Tony. Triple crossed? Some manner of fiendishness of which I heartily approve, regardless. But the earth shook anyway because Fandom decided that this was the perfect time to have an earthquake and a VOLCANO.
Which is still there, me hearties. But the coffee and booze are back, so there's some consolation?
And finally, we leave ye on the pretty picture o' Jaina bein' haunted by her dead husband Howard on the beach with the volcano explodin' in the background, and nine people probably dead fer yesterday. Ye're all mad, and that's me sayin' so.
[OOC: Massive apologies on the lateness of radio, folks.]
Didn't think so. And remember, I am a captain, so that marriage was legally binding. Except we weren't on a boat. But details! On to yer wonderfully wacky escapades yesterday!
Mine weren't wacky. I was amazing.
In the dorms, Miley was arguing with her alternative self, Hannah-with-an-H, complete with wigs and costume changes. That is dedicated. Hannah won, apparently, and began cutting up pictures of Miley until Dave came over to tell her--them?--to turn the music down, which led t' make outs--as so often happened this weekend--until Miley showed back up and kicked Dave out. Everyone follow that? Me either. It's too early for flowcharts, savvy? Percy was enjoying a donut he was deprived of as a child until Luke--not the Skywalker--came by to taunt him about making out with someone with boobs, so Percy killed him and stuffed him under the bed. Someone check on Luke this morning? Ender--recast yet again--was sighing mournfully out o' his window before his wedding--we'll get to that later--and Ben in his cunning Benina disguise stopped below the building to yell up that Ender shouldn't marry Tony and that the Taiwanese hookers were a setup. Ender's brother Peter and his genuine Bavarian accent stopped over t' tell Ender that he shouldn't marry Tony either because they should keep it in the family instead, and Karla Skywalker also made the case for her heartbroken newly found brother.
Nate, dead Nathan's twin brother, came to claim dead Nathan's body but it didn't exist--
*DUNDUNDUN*
--because he was really Nathan in a new body! That happens a lot around here, aye? Bod regained his memory and vowed vengeance against all twins, which no one told Juliet--not Skywalker--before she went up on the roof and got pushed from it! That brings us to a death count o' two. It will only get higher. Susan and Toby had the same idea about hiding in their rooms until th' insanity wore off me notes say only Toby had porn.
Dave threw a rave with the coffee beans he got from Anakin Skywalker over at the weddings of the century that afternoon, where people mingled, as I suppose you do at a rave. He convinced Annie to try coffee, though she doesn't usually, and Princess Rilla got coffee, and ogled--who wouldn't get ogled in that dress--and a dance with Dave. Annie also hyperly told Rilla that was just the sort of dress she'd worn in her stripping days, so now ye all have an idea what the dress looked like, savvy? Dave told Percy they were celebrating the return of coffee, and then Percy offered him a job--barista?--before buying some alcohol from Annie. Dave offered Katenka some coffee and assured her that it would cheer her up, and then Annie told her that whoever had lied to her--hopefully not Dave about th' coffee--was clearly the lesser person. Hank showed up in glow-in-the-dark rave costumin' and Dave checked t' be sure he wasn't a prostitute before Annie could gush about his outfit. There was also dancing, and an additional coffee bar where Annie overdosed on coffee and died. Dave dragged her body to a storage closet and that brings our body count to three.
And Jack Carter and Columbus Ohio were tryin' t' capture people for their own good in the dorm lobby late last evening. Their conquests included Scully, who then gave birth to an alien baby after yelling at Bruce about his getting married to Lucrezia Borgia, and Alex Cabot, who they presumed was in a coma. But she wasn't! She was dead, so that's four.
In the clinic, the mysterious Dr. Stark--no relation--was on call. Tara learned that she wasn't pregnant, but she did have cancer, intern Annie was there for all of yer needs and Scully was very pregnant--though ye know that changed--and chased by floatin' objects.
In town, Jaina sat by her window in her lingerie before her part of the wedding of the century before she was interrupted by Talyn Sun-Crichton, rogue cop, there to threaten her and her family. She punched him. Her grandfather was also by for the traditional family threats before nuptuals, and Lucrezia offered Jaina the changce to have the Skywalkers advise the Pope with only very minimal strings attached. I'm sure we all agree that be a fantastic idea.
Bruce woke up in the Arms, poisoned but not dead, before answering the door for room service to find his long-lost son Wade who shot him in the spleen and left him to die before threatening to do the same for his mother! Wade's, not Bruce's, and that brings the body count to four and a half. Jack Priest, Vampire, cackled to himself in his own masouleum--nice touch--before turning Katherine into a vampire like him on the promise that they will see Paris. Is that all it takes?
Kate Daniels was in the park in the morning in time t' see Peter come past kicking a puppy. He zeroed in on her plastic surgery 'n blackmailed her into being one of his minions. Well played, sir. Zoe's quiet and illicit cup of coffee was interrupted by Jan Summers who wept about how no one understood her. Join the parade, wench. Zayne was whistling innocenty as the Droid Humping Imporium opened for business, but DA Luke Skywalker was more interested in hearing about the suspicious death of his colleague Alex than noticing th' disturbing sex happenin' around him.
Pinkie Pie was preaching how love fer Princess Celestia could end hunger and disease, which got not-quite-dead Dolf's attention. Gabrielle wanted t' leave fer Equestria right that second, and Jason declared no place t' be that perfect. Hercules and Hank had an impassioned conversation in Spanish at the lighthouse, but alas, the squirrels don't speak Spanish. I declare that it was about paella, or perhaps Pizarro's pies. At MHA, Alistair was normal, if a man who was making his own sock puppet theater fer entertainment can be considered normal. Bobby Drake waited for his Other One True Love--Angelica--so they could proclaim how they could never be together just before the commercial break.
*pause*
Oh, not our commercial break. The church was busy, as church tends to be on these sorts o' weekends, wit' Kenzi there to confess her sins after a brief runthrough wit' Cindy about her motivation, many, many Hanks arrive to tell God they are the One, and then Lucrezia and Jeremy arrived t' get married--after some quick costume change assistance from Cindy, o' course.
Jeremy met his new wife Lucrezia, who was Bruce's old wife Lucrezia, for a picnic. Their merriment was shortlived as Lucrezia poisoned him, bringing our death total to five and a half. Then Juliet, who died in the dorms later, cried over her dead brother while Hannah-with-an-H helpfully told her that's what he deserved for being nice to Miley. Lucrezia, never you fear, moved right along t' marrying Jonothan Evan Starsmore.
And speaking of Miley, she had a concert in an arena we don't have this morning, and people arrived, as they are wont to do. Cindy gave her some quick pole dancing lessons before the show began! After the show, Hannah-with-an-H told Kenzi that she's done with Miley and is ready to be photographed by Annie Liebowitz and get a girlfriend.
Miley wasn't the only concert in town today: Jonothan Evan Starsmore gave a benefit concert for the orphan children of Madripoor at the Boards. The guests gathered 'n nibbled on--French whores--where Tara was very happy to share that she wasn't pregnant, she just had cancer. Congratulations? She celebrated by making out with Jono before Raven propositioned him. I should have learned an instrument. Backup dancer and secret bodyguard--though secret no longer--Surreal was upset that Jono kept stealing her costumes.
And Hank yelled "Freebird" because at every concert, there's that man. Even in the 1700s before Freebird. After the concert, Jono has his way with both Tara and Raven but not together because we weren't on HBO.
Alex Cabot was not dead at the Perk, and the following people didn't have one-sided conversations with said not-dead person. Because that would be creepy, savvy? Sue, Marshall, and GOB, I'm judging all o' ye. Percy just spilled chocolate milk on her. A gremlin tried t' bite her and got nowhere. Hanna was at the Perk for a coffee, trailed by an unseen figure except that the squirrels saw it or else I wouldn't be saying anything--
*chittering*
Unknown! Oh, that makes more sense. Fer given value of sense this morning. Hank accused Bod of killing Polly Prissypants, and Mercedes Thompson, Rodeo Star, was trying t' trip people at J, GOB.
And at the Wedding of the Century (subject to revision) everyone arrived.
*more chittering* FINE. I'll read the names. But I need rum. Jonothan Evan Starsmore was there and Lucrezia vowed her eternal love to him as Jeremy lay cooling by their picnic. Luke Skywalker was confronted by his long-lost daughter, Warren discussed politics over "Water" with Natalie, and then discovered his long lost child bride, who was dying of poisoning because of a new script rewrite. Dave bought coffee from Anakin, Karla 'n Nate had healin' sex t' help her recover from being chased by assassins yesterday, and Nate got t' tell Topher that if he thought Tony really loved him, Topher was delusional. Topher 'n Kenzi plotted t' ruin the wedding--it was, but I don't think it was entirely them--and Peter taunted Topher with a secret. Sam 'n Natalie bickered about who was working for whom, which led t' making out, and Kenzi was glad t' see that Toby wasn't drowned. Were we worried about that?
Behind the scenes, Tony and Topher quarreled about Tony's Skywalker obsession, Howard finished a phone call t' discuss matters with Charles, Ben pleaded in vain fer Ender t' change his mind, and Jaina 'n Kennedy had sex.
*brief pause*
Movin' past that lovely image, the wedding party was made t' feel welcome, with Ender 'n Kenzi talkin' in Very Authentic Accents about what a good friend she'd been t' the Wiggins-es-es. I think that got away from me. Bruce--who was not so dead, so erase that half from yer death counts--warned Quinn about how their son, Li'l Wadey was back 'n tryin' t' kill them, Kenzi told Quinn her inability t' keep a man was a result of a gypsy curse, and Quinn 'n Ender talked of happier times. Than a wedding. Ye are very depressing people.
I presided over both events, with Jaina 'n Howard going first. Howard, tragically, passed away right after sayin' I do--I still want five percent, Jaina, I don't care if we were a bit mad at th' time--bringing our death count t' six. Steve told her that unfortunately her name had been misspelled in the will, unless perhaps she was carrying an heir? Jaina, naturally, said she was. Ender 'n Tony's nuptuals were interrupted by Ben 'n Kenzi layin' bare Tony's indiscretions, and then by Ben being shot in the head. And then by Tony's not-as-dead-as-we'd-thought wife Stephanie. Ender wisely chose to run off wit' Quinn. On a white horse. T' Taylor Swift.
*sounds of drinking*
Death count: seven. Jonothan Evan Starsmore performed--while also performing across town because who cared about continuity--and Cindy caught him up on his plotlines while Toby cried on Kenzi about a river. And Warren caught up with Tyrion, that fiendish assassin, and they were about t' kill each other when Dolf shot at Tyrion while babbling about Princess Celestia. Tyrion shot back and missed. Warren shot at Tyrion and didn't miss. Death count: eight! Take a shot!
*chittering*
No, I don't care how early 'tis.
And this evening, Deb and John Mitchell met in an alley where they had sex after Mitchell checked t' learn his mother's last words.
*frantic chittering*
Deb was not his mother. Hanna-without-an-H met up with her creepy stalker Hermione, which led t' a catfight and them both going over the cliff. That brings the death count nine.
Jessica was in the park last night embracing her vampire side, t' the great misfortune of Zayne who got killed, bringing our total up t' ten, and Jack Priest encouraged Jessica in enjoying being vampiiiiiire. I have naught an idea why I said it that way.
And finally, there were a meeting at the Skywalker Diamond Mine that also doesn't exist this morning, so don't go looking, I already have. Cindy explained Tara's motivation t' her before Bruce asked that if diamonds are a girl's best friend, did that mean Tara was visiting friends? Did that work? Anakin checked that Zoe wasn't the one who shot Ben at the wedding before they found common ground in agreeing those weddings were better than Luke and Grace--who is a toddler, Luke, and I'm a pirate wit' no standards--being together.
And then Ben--who wasn't really dead after all, so take a death away--and Tony came in with a fiendish plan t' blow up the mine! Only it didn't blow up because Ben had double crossed Tony. Triple crossed? Some manner of fiendishness of which I heartily approve, regardless. But the earth shook anyway because Fandom decided that this was the perfect time to have an earthquake and a VOLCANO.
Which is still there, me hearties. But the coffee and booze are back, so there's some consolation?
And finally, we leave ye on the pretty picture o' Jaina bein' haunted by her dead husband Howard on the beach with the volcano explodin' in the background, and nine people probably dead fer yesterday. Ye're all mad, and that's me sayin' so.
[OOC: Massive apologies on the lateness of radio, folks.]
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