Fandom Radio, Tuesday Morning, August 2nd

[lockestheway]

Good morning, Fandom. I hope none of you folks have gone near that rock the administration's warning us about - sounds like trouble to me.

But I don't see any point in dwelling on it right now. Life goes on, and it went on yesterday, listeners, so we've got a whole new pack of news up here just for your benefit.



Yesterday's How To Avoid Misadventure class was all about appetizing stuff like non-poisonous plants and skinning rabbits. Professor Alistair handled the skinning part, which led to some protest. Quinn claimed vegetarianism, Hank got traumatized - though cows are a-okay for killing, you heard it here first - and Elphaba just plain refused.

Come on, guys. It's just skinning a bunny. Couple of cuts and rip the guts out! Easy. As long as they're dead anyway...

Miley had less trouble with it thanks to her uncle Earl, while Warren almost passed out. Sorry, buddy. All that blood, it's a pain in the ass, isn't it?

On the other side of the fence was Professor Morrigan, who taught the students all about finding edible plants. Not much outrage there, though Ariel and Elphaba baffled over the whole 'teacher's a big spider' thing. See? Bunnies aren't so bad. Hank ate some bad mushrooms, but that's the cow's fault, apparently, while Karla ran off with some poisonous plants...

Planning something you're not telling us, sis?

The groups swapped over, and then when everyone was done, they made a meal. You have to appreciate that small-town community spirit. Miley was happy to save Warren from his bunny, for example!

But so much for that. In Social Activism, Professor Hermione spoke about civil disobedience and when it's the right thing to do. The squirrel has scribbled something on here about pebbles in India as well, but I think that just means it got into some of Hank's bad mushrooms.

Bad cow! Bad cow!

Heh.

Students discussed the idea, and that was that.

Winter Sports class saw Professor Bond teaching about ice hockey, and the kids practiced ice hockey, which is nice and straight-forward. Meanwhile, my cooking class was all about soup. Three guesses what we made.

Otherwise, William was late to the library, and that's about it for school news.

DORMS

Cabin fun got cut short yesterday, after a large object broke through the main campfire. Our fearless administrators - and the Sheriff - arrived to check it out. Sheriff Skywalker can't move the thing with his powers, the Vice Principal hasn't managed to stab it, and according to school security the rock is horny. Make of that what you will.

Despite the clearly visible barriers the administration put up before leaving, you guys still went ahead and got near the rock anyway. Quinn played around with the water, even though more law-abiding folk like Stan Marsh were keeping their distance. Warren attempts to rescue a rabbit from the pool, but the thing scratches him. See? Gutting bunnies really isn't so bad. Scully takes pictures, and Claudia shows up to talk about whether it's an alien egg.

And then pokes it with a stick. Oh, well done, ladies. Fight the power.

Miley decided to obey the administration. She was inside in the dorms, cooking fish stew. With eyeballs. Points for creativity, I'll give her that. She offers Chuck an eyeball or two, but the poor boy's full. That just meant Alexander had to eat extra stew, which he merrily did, but not before insulting Miley's brother. That's not nice, Alex. Sam Puckett is also enthusiastic about the stew, and salad dressing, and...

Oh, sorry, zoned out there a little. Sorry, girls.

Sam LaCroix is in the common room eating and watching zombie flicks. Then Mercy turns up to proclaim she's aching to flaunt safety restrictions and go running after that thing in the campgrounds.

Guys? I think the administration is probably concerned for a reason. Stick to the dorms.

Cue the only sensible guy I've heard about all day: Dave Nelson stuck to his room, despite my buddy Topher's insistence they go look at the rock.

Topher?

Don't go look at the rock. You idiot.

TOWNIES

Mayor Summers stayed at home to watch over his kid during the investigation, but Vice Principal Deadpool turned up soon enough to fill him in on the details and make plans. Aw, family life. It brings tears to my eyes.

Here's one for parents! I bet one day that kid's going to be sent off to boarding school, and for her birthday, they'll send her a three-line email about her exam results. Isn't being a parent great? Think of all the phone bills you can save on!

Ahem.

Butters, my good buddy, is prepared for an invasion - he's got plenty of tinfoil hats to go around. Looking at these notes, I think there's a lot of people who can use a couple, Butters!

Vincent is keeping a Boston theme at Cafe Luke's, Momoko can't sit still at Cabot and Associates, Angelica's got anxious horses and Ronan's thinking bizarre medical supplies. Hey, call up Butters, he can distribute them along with the tinfoil hats.

Down at 'Dite's, Karla's back and feeling a little spooked. I'm sure we can send someone around to protect you if you're worried. Then Jack turns up and they discuss taking proper care and caution in the situation. See? Now that's sensible.

And if anyone's wondering what my employer was up to: reading the Shipping news, and depriving Zayne of alcohol. You keep up those age limits, boss.

And that's it for yesterday's news. People of Fandom, stay away from the campgrounds. I'm positive the administration isn't kidding.