http://capt-maxfactor.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] capt-maxfactor.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fandom_radio2011-04-03 11:13 am
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Pirate Radio [Sunday, April 3, 2011]

Good morning, all of you puffy, bloating, balding old people! It is I, the immortal Jack Sparrow, and no, ye may not know where the Fountain of Youth is. I've found it, it's all for me, I'd start cackling in glee but it not really my style.

*sound of thumping*

Nor is drowning in notes. Good God. Let's start in on this, then, shall we, me hearties?

In the school, Blackager stopped by the library to reminisce about old times when people read books instead of Kindles. Why do we even have that room? Well, other than t' keep the spirit of Gandalf in one place. The lovely Medusa found him there---Blackager, not Gandalf--and there was talk of how things haven't changed much. And kissing.

Over in the dorms, people were waking up in the dorms for that authentic "now I remember why I'm not owning a twin bed these days" feeling. Those whose awakenings the squirrels found noteworthy include: Goose, and Scully, who all woke up alone, Jaime and Momoko and Ben and Tahiri, who woke up awkwardly since they aren't dating like they had been twenty years ago. Claudia and Quinn catch up like the roommates they used t' be when they were students here--Quinn wanted to know how Claudia looks so young and Claudia wants to know if Quinn's having a boy or a girl. Jacob and wife Caroline had sex--aren't ye glad t' know that?--Juliet and Jeremy Darling catch up on whether the school had always been this small, and Jono and George do a spot of cleaning of their old room. I hope that wasn't anything the normal denizens really liked, but I'm a pirate and never throw a thing away. I've had this pair of socks for twenty five years! Rinoa was surprised to see her puppy from twenty years ago was still a puppy, and then reminisces with her husband Squall, before catching up with old roommate Lindsay about how amazing it is that all of their stuff is still there. Wonder if they took a page from Jono and George and cleared it up a bit. And Harper was being super creative in her room. That is probably not a euphemism.

Goose hit the shooting range--very clever, squirrel!--though I assume he hit the targets and not the building itself, and there was mingling and muffins in the third floor common room courtesy of Kate. Dolf and she talk about France, Bobby Drake and he remembered gremlin bites, and Bobby got a muffin from Kate. Bobby of the McCallisters was unrecognizable to Kate--he has, according to squirrels, gotten hot--and Jono and his mouth for munching muffins heard that Kate had taught here on several memorable occasions. Bobby Drake was surprised to find Jono in one piece--I'm going to guess this is one of those multiverse confusion things and press on--and Peter wondered how he got to Fandom. Probably not kidnapping Peter, but one can never be too cautious. Jono told Peter about getting slapped in the morning--ooh, something to look forward to later in the broadcast!--and Peter and Claudia talk about being government employeezzzzzz, sorry nodded off there. It can't be very interesting to work for a government. And Claudia and Kate said that Fandom changed their perspective on the world. And it's all due to a pirate on the radio! It doesn't say that in the notes, but I'm going to assume that's what happened next.

And in town, more people were waking up. I swear, rodents, this be not generally news, especially when we have six hundred pounds of mixing to go through and it's too early to--

*laughter*

I'm a pirate. It's never too early to drink.

Tony woke up in his secret-ish except for how the squirrels know where you aaaaaaare lab, where Ben, fresh from his humilation with Tahiri, asked him to kill him. Since Ben is all over these notes, Tony didn't do it, more's the pity. Rikku woke up in her old apartment, as did Jaina, but the rest of you were normal and woke up in hotel rooms, run by the lovely Mary who scared the bejesus out of Gunther this morning. Oh, sorry. Francine woke up on a sofa, and now everyone knows! God, I love this job. She compared notes with Merlin, who was thrilled t' see her and learned that they are from different realities now.

Dinah and Priestly are together in the pillow suite even though Priestly has a wife who isn't Dinah--the scandal!--Wendy, Liz, Stark, and Naomi were alone in their respective rooms, and Jono gets slapped when ex-girlfriend Raven didn't recognize him. Perhaps the mixer's nametags would have been helpful this morning as well. Wyatt got his very pregnant wife Isabel food, as he is a wise man who does not wish to die before they receive a call from Parker. Of course I know who called. Technology has improved vastly in twenty years, you know. Rose and Dimitri wake up together but no one gets slapped. Perhaps the sparring later will make up for that? Arthur, in a shocking change from his usual character, was cranky when a phone woke he and Merlin up, and Anakin and Rory are bizarrely young today, and had stuck poor Juliet into a crib overnight!

There, now everyone's awake. This is going to be an excruciatingly detailed radio, I fear. Fill up on the mimosas, me hearties!

Ben and Ender met up on the beach where, it turns out, Ender has been gone for three thousand years without one postcard. The horror! I love postcards! Later that same day, the beach serves its purpose as brooding ground for the lovely Katina-please-don't-hurt-me. Oooh, Francine was there too. Pass me the popcorn, squirrels!

Calvin was playing "sweep up the mines" on his computer in the Perk, where Momoko and Maladicta also had coffee. Hank Ventura went for a run--now that you're all old and decrepid and in your thirties, I see note a lot less of an obsession with the gym and salle--though not, perhaps, for Gabrielle who was twirling her weapon on the cliffs. Not a euphemism, I pray. The news of her death was apparently wrong, but I would have heard about that big a change.

River was dancing in the park as a Zerg--if you know what that means, send me a note--and was complimented on her skills by Castiel and then joined in her dance by Triela. Karla had a giant sundae at Chilly Boulder, which Ben made a giant dent in while he bitched about his morning, and Rinoa and Karla declared it very odd that they'd woken up in their old rooms and not with their husbands, and Jack Priest got to look at photos of Karla's children as he told her about his work with Emma. Claudia was excited that the ice cream shop hadn't changed at all in 20 years and told Karla about working in a warehouse, Triela learned that Karla looks so young because she's taking Warren's blood--IS SHE A VAMPIRE NOW?!!--and Triela is now happy and content and we're moving back to the drama stuff because it's more interesting. Gabrielle got scolded by Karla for not telling her she wasn't dead--something like that, anyway--and Raven told Karla about waking up with and slapping Jono. Which, I must say, has been a highlight for me today. More slappings today, too, please! Or maimings! Maimings are fun! Roy and Dinah exchange pictures of their kids--Roy's daughter thinks he doesn't know she's dating--and then they each talk to Karla about their kids as well. Dinah was thrilled about a scholarship opportunity, and Roy wanted to remind Karla that this is the twentieth reunion and it wasn't fair she still looked like she was in high school.


At the Devil's Nest, Eric met Merlin and found out he's that Merlin, or a version of him, and then caught up with Kate. Jaina decided to tend bar for a bit for old time's sake at Caritas, and compared empressing duties--is that even a word?--with Mat, who also caught up with Rose, who was there to complain to Jaina about being stuck in political intrigue for the last twenty years.

And the event you've all been waiting to here about: the mixer! Because an open bar and a lot of baggage is always good for stoooooories.

You could pick up nametags in case you've gotten bald, fat, or turned into a woman or a squirrel. Jan Summers was greeted enthusiastically by Rikku and told her that her dads weren't dead any more. It's kind of a thing around here. Jan then made fun of Grace Winchester for dressing up for this thing. Jan also greeted Jono as "Decibel", whch would be a great name for a band, aye? and tried to get him to come back and teach. Jake caught up with Dru and they were both a little surprised that neither o' them had aged. Turned out: werewolf, meet half-vampire. Half-vampire, meet werewolf. Jack Priest and Rose found out they only live a state apart before talking about their experiences with court politics, which sounds at least a little more interesting than working for the government. Claudia and William caught up, Caroline learned from Bobby McCallister than he's a priest and his brother Jack is a Congressman now, Rinoa and Squall commented that the place didn't look so bad for a school dance, and Stephanie complained to Tony about the music. You don't still have Bieber fever, Stephanie? Gabrielle was confused when Faramir told her she knew his wife, and Tahiri told Jaina--who doesn't need to be called Empress this weekend--about waking up with Ben this morning. Tony told Steve that he wasn't a Skrull or a robot--very reassuring--and then asked for advice for helping out a newly...thawed...version of Steve in his dimension. Speaking of strange, Momoko learned that Triela used to be dead, but was now a clone.

Juliet Skywalker complained to Jaina that her parents were weirdly young, Rilla bumped into Arthur who then chatted with Rikku about their children: two different groups, no scandals, offered Romeo's son a position in court, and discussed unicorns with Kate. Tony learned that Ramona had settled down and married, and then Ramona compained to Jake about the lack of food at the mixer. Kate asked Puck if he was going to take his shirt off for old time's sake, which his wife Quinn advised him against. River borrowed Elphaba's hat, and Karla invited Sookie to visit and learned that Elphaba had faked her own death. Has anyone been paying attention to how many people are here who are supposed t' be dead and aren't? I feel like there should be some kind of drinking game involved. Jeremy wanted to know how George looked so young--plastic surgery--and Puck told George that he'd married Quinn. Warren got whined about by Tony about Ben and Ender and their ridiculousness and then learned from his lovely wife Karla about Raven slapping Jono. Caroline and Jack McCallister caught up and agree that it was odd for a secular humanist t' now be a priest, and Bobby spent too much time at the bar before talking t' Steve and telling him that today's the worst of his life.

And because some of you are anti-social even when ye come to a dance, there was a shadowy corner for you to hide in. Kerrigan took advantage and was found and hugged there by River, Peter who learned that he might be trying t' avoid people but Emma doesn't consider herself people, and Jono who was tracked back there by Karla, who yelled, Emma, who complained, and Squall, who didn't recognize him. Bod and Kate caught up: she'd been in a movie, he'd been stabbed. Those two...are not the same thing at all. Rose wondered who made Alex come to the reunion after assuring him that no, she didn't still want his body. And in more "I thought ye were dead" news, Nico and Jason learned that each of them wasn't.

Claudia and River were dancing to Ke-dollarsign-ha and Bieber, and Rose and Dimitri flirted as they danced. I'm now taking bets on them getting back together before the weekend's over. Any takers?

They were the only people exercising. The rest of you were at the bar. Faramir and Rilla caught up on each other's families and talked about books and gardening and it's only been twenty years, not fifty. Talk about weapons and ladies of negotiable virtue, please! Speaking of negotiable virture, Tony, Ben, and Ender had what can only be described as a scotch-infused cranky conversation about people--that's Ender--who never call or write and how annoying that made Ben for the last twenty years. Tony and Karla discussed the possibilities of just shoving Ender and Ben into a Dite's shop and putting us all out of our misery, and Juliet--NOT SKYWALKER, PUT THE LIGHTSABER AWAY, ANAKIN--got hit on by Tony. Jack McCallister told Tony he'd been elected to Congress--congratulations! I've always wanted to know a Congresscritter! Work on making stealing legal, please. Caroline found out who Jacob had been catching up with: Rose and Claudia--but he assured his wife she had nothing to worry about. Because they'd had sex that morning, in case you've forgotten. Dimitri got dragged onto the dance floor by Rose--which we knew already--and Jaina and Arthur caught up about their lives and children and then wondered how it was that they could be talking about their children and have it be interesting. I assure ye, it's not. It's like having an annoying undead monkey around all the time.

Bobby wondered to his brother Jack how he'd been such a dork in high school, Kate told Caroline she was going to class to study to be a social worker and then Kate wondered with Priestly about where all of the kids who were usually on the island had gone this weekend. Momoko told Rikku that she'd woken up next to a married--and not to her--Jaime, Nathan got punched by Jacob because some people still think they're in high school, and Percy and Nico caught up about Percy's wife and kids. Bobby and Sookie decided to get drunk since they don't have to take care of their kids this weekend, Warren and Bobby wondered about going to Fast Eddie's so they don't get drunk at the mixer and do high kicks in their underwear, and then Bobby asked Tony how often he had to have slap marks removed from his face and Emma stopped by to question Bobby's choice in alcohol. Momoko and Priestly caught up, Raven learned from a drunk Bobby about Jono's work in a mutant concentration camp--cheery-- and Squall found out that Raven's been working in Karla's court. We certainly have enough royalty bobbing around here to make a pirate get ideas about demanding all of their gold.

*cough*

A different pirate, o' course.

Rose was amused t' learn that Emma runs her own school now, and Jack Priest complained to Emma about the idiots in Washington. We have a Congressman! Go complain t' the other Jack, Jack!

...not me.

And finally, Dinah and Priestly show how old ye all really are by complaining about how terrible the music was and how they should've been playing good tunes from the '10s. Have we figure out yet how we're talking about these decades yet? We're almost halfway through the century at this point, so we really should be figurin' that out.

Oh! We're out of notes. I'm going t' the brunch t' drink all the mimosas. Race ye there.

[OOC: SO MUCH THANKS TO MY SQUIRRELS TODAY.]
solo_sword: (amused)

[personal profile] solo_sword 2011-04-03 06:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[That took me like half an hour to read but LOLLLLLL.]

[identity profile] willbethenight.livejournal.com 2011-04-03 06:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[Thank you SO MUCH for covering.]
furnaceface: (Poccylips - Soundpuppy Me?)

[personal profile] furnaceface 2011-04-04 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
[That was gloooorious. <3 Omg, good job!]